giving him sex anytime he wants it?

[Scorpion1691]

Coldfish, Healthy relationship. Have you ever went to counseling to see if you can change your feeling about sex. I can understand your feeling, my wife was not like that though in the beginning, she was like a Numpho when I met her but changed over night after 15 years and said it was a female thing and then said it was partially due to being abused by all her exboy friends. She has cried and clammed up afterwards, during she felt like she was all part of me. It would be hard to have a true understanding all the time, But I understand that you feel raped when you have sex. I feel I was disalussioned. Your boy friend would have to be a special person to understand your needs.

[FolderWife]

I don't have a problem with jw wanting it all the time. I have a problem with her insinuating that there's something wrong with the women who don't.

 

Max wonders if Monday might be happier with her husband if she adopted a more submissive role with him and tried running to get him a beer when he comes in from mowing the grass.

 

What the heck do you know? If you ever saw me an my husband together, you'd see how he always walks one step ahead of me. You'd see how he'll stop mowing the grass, come inside, and tell me to bring him the gas, even though I'm already busy mopping the floor. You'd see how when I'm relaxing, he comes and ORDERS me to do the laundry if he wants it done. You'll see how if I don't do it right then (like a little kid obeying her mommy) how he gets angry. You'll see how if I ever back talk him, he gets mad and breaks something *usually something of mine* You'll see how whenever he wants sex, he continues to put my hand on his dick, until I just submit. You'll see how sometimes he doesn't even want sex with me, he just wants a blow job, and he'll stick his hard dick in my face, so I have to suck it, or he'll put his arm under me, and make me get up from my sleepyiness to give him head.

 

You'll see how that even if I'm asleep, and I wake up to hear him coughing, I'll ask if he wants me to go get him something to drink.

 

What the heck do you know about being submissive...I'm practically my husband's slave! And yes, I give him sex EVERY FREAKING TIME HE WANTS IT. Notice where I asked if she'd ever had sex with a headache? Yeah, I did. It hurt, but we did it until he came, even though I did NOT enjoy it. Had I asked him to stop, he would've, but he'd have been upset, and good ol submissive me didn't want to upset him, so I did it while my head was splitting open.

 

I think that women should give it to their man when they want it, within reason. My husband flew off the handle the other day, and punched the fan, because the account was overdrawn. heck, I knew he wasn't mad at me, but just seeing him behave like that makes me not want him anywhere near me. He wanted sex later, but I just couldnt!

 

P.S. The day in question, wherein I said that he yelled at me, and hurt my feelings, He wanted sex, and I turned him down, but he just wasn't taking no for an answer, and kept touching me, and we ended up having sex...even though I didn't want it.

 

None of you people with perfect lives, who have husbands or boyfriends who are good to you, who never have headaches don't know what you're talking about. YOu don't KNOW what it's like to live in a relationship like mine, and have sex expected of you.

 

P.P. S. If I DON'T have sex whenever he wants it, he'll almost surely look at porn or Playboy really soon after it, just to get back at me.

 

So don't you DARE judge me, if I don't have sex with my husband every time he wants it. I'm happy that you have such a wonderful relationship, that you can brag about how you give it up whenever your guy wants it. I can't brag though...I pretty much have no choice, if I want any peace in my life.

[FolderWife]

Originally posted by Scorpion1691

Monday, sorry to get back so late. I only get on every 3 day. I disagree. I like what JW has to say. It's interesting you get in the mood when your boy friend does.

 

 

While I respect your opinion, I believe if you had all the facts, you'd agree with me. Some women are not treated good enough for them to treat their man so good as to have sex whenever he wants it, whether she wants it or not.

 

Oh, and to whoever said that the man is the "Head of the household" needs to read the verse right under that, that says, "Husbands, love your wives, as Jesus loves the church".

 

If you men would treat your wives the way Jesus treats his church, then she would have noooooooo problem letting you be the head of the house...in bed and out.

 

So it starts with you

 

Ephesians 5

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

 

HELLO! If you want your part of the word, you gotta give your part too. You don't get to be the head, without loving your wife as yourself; as Christ loves the church.

 

I rest my case.

[Redwinged]

Yes! I do believe that in most instances, one should fulfill their partners needs to the best of their ability at the time.

 

What I mean by this is: There are certain times of the month that the traditional way of making love is out of the question (for some). In those cases, and in the case of illness or emotional upset, I would consider it acceptable to decline. However, during my monthly, I STILL take care of my husbands needs, through oral or anal sex.

 

I love him and when he has needs, it is my job (and my pleasure) to care for those needs!

[Scorpion1691]

Monday, I truly feel for you. I have a mother on my soccer team that is going through the situation. I t is too much like the same situation, she puts up with it because she has 2 kids. I know the same, I have been told why do you put up with it, She does for the kids. Why do you put up with this kind of abuse. This is not love and he thinks he loves you, He needs control and he found it. I don't expect my wife to just give me sex or make love to me. I do all the things you say. I clean, Do laundry, She goes away to camps with the kids, she coaches, she goes to the gym everyday, I pay for her schooling. I work full time and own a business. I give her cards, write on the mirror telling her I love her in

[Scorpion1691]

sorry I had to leave, I as a husband do everything, I have been told I do to much that she does not reconize what I do for her. You either love him alot or you are affraid to leave him. someone needs couseling.

[Pained]

I have a very strong sex drive, and I'm a female. However, as I've said before, I would be irate if my boyfriend pressured me into having sex if I were sleeping or not feeling well, and no I wouldn't give it to him. My feelings should count just as much as his do. Besides, that's what his hands are for.

 

And I don't believe in giving up myself or trying to make myself perfect for any man. If he doesn't like what he gets, I'm not going to do strip teases for him constantly or make him food all the time or clean his damn house. I don't want someone who doesn't want me for exactly who I am. I wouldn't respect a man who wanted a woman who WOULD do those things just to please a guy.

 

For the record, I would never expect my boyfriend to give ME sex just because I'm horny, either. If he wants to, fine, if he doesn't, that's why *I* have hands.

[Sundaymorning]

I love how people love to judge my relationship or other's relationships. It is quite marked that everyone has a different past and reasons for why they act the way they do. Maybe I have had a past of giving giving and giving and most of the time not receiving? Therefore, I do give when I feel it is time to, when its appreciated and when I truly want to give. And so what if you judge me on that. My relationship is healthy and none of your business. I am through giving myself and my soul at any other person's wish. I give those things when two mutual souls wish for it. Those of you who cannot understand are clearly not even worthy of my response. Im done with this ignorant thread.

[mintjulep]

Yes, SundayMorning, I agree. I've never thought that my sex life is anyone's business, but I think that it's just as insecure to assume that just because you "give" sex every time your guy wants it, that you're a better person than someone who respects their body enough that if they really, really don't want sex (for whatever reason that is legit for that person and that person alone).

 

I will say it again:

 

The implication that you are sacrificing something to give your guy sex whenever he wants it is what pisses me off. You should want it, but if you don't, you should feel okay saying so. And so should he - believe it or not sometimes guys would rather not, but they believe they are less of a man for refusing sex, so they do it anyway (though this may be rare as only one male friend has admitted this to me).

 

I agree - you should want sex when he does. But not just because he's horny. He should make it worth your while - or you should buy him a sex toy because he clearly wouldn't know the difference. Sex sucks when both people aren't into it, and what you implied in your first post (and what you still haven't said in a nice way) is that you should have sex whenever your guy wants it because he wants it, but you never said you had to enjoy it - just that you had to force yourself to enjoy it, or at least pretend to.

 

Sex should be enjoyable to both parties, even if one person wasn't in the mood originally. But I also don't think that women who aren't like you should be labeled as bad people. Different strokes, you know? I hate it when people think that just because they think something is right, everyone who doesn't feel that way is a b*tch. That's usually a sign that they don't fundamentally agree with what they're doing, either.

[Moose]

Monday,

 

Very nice part of scripture.....thanks for bringing it up!! I personally wouldn't want my wife to give me sex whenever I wanted it., I mean, sure it would be nice and what man wouldn't want that?

 

I do love my wife in the way the Lord loves His Church. I have compassion for her, which means to me that if she's not willing to give herself to me, I would understand and hold off on the pursuit of sex. I enjoy making love to her, when she's ready to give herself to me fully, not half heartedly.

 

There have been times where I waited patiently for a couple of weeks. (This was after I was diagnosed with Parkinson's and my Dad died the same week.) I felt like she wasn't ready to give herself to me because I was not only in shock, but also depressed. I did need her then, and making love to her would've been a comfort to me. But I didn't have that warm fuzzy feeling that she was willing. So yes, I did approach her one night and told her that I didn't know how much longer I could hold out. You know what she did? She asked me, "Then why don't you hush and make love to me right now?"

 

I'm blessed with the woman I have as my wife. She's constantly looking for ways to be a better wife and Mom..just last night, she fixed my supper plate before the kids, and she's NEVER done that before!!! I asked why should she change the routine she's been in for 16 years? She told me she's trying to become a better wife.....I told her not to be silly, she already is the best wife and there is no room for improvement!! I love her so much!!!

 

So my answer to your question, (SundayMorning), sure, let him have sex everytime he wants it, but only if your willing to give yourself to him fully, not partially.....if he wants sex even though you're not fully willing, then I take that as being selfish on his part. That's just my opinion.

[Scorpion1691]

Moose said it pretty good, If I understood him right. I do treat my wife like the church. Tighthing to her is about 60% of my income. I work 2 jobs so that my family will not go without. Along with working means never being home. I tell her I love her, I leave messages , cards and mirror messages. I open the doors. Cook, clean, dishes , laundry. work on the house , cars, pay bills. She still cheated on me. As for giving of ones self physically. I don't think you should give your self if you are not fully committed, Guys are different and you will not change them no matter how refined, obviously there will be some that are different. Guys always have the same complaints and woman always have the same complaints, we need to have an undertanding of each others needs , not how to change each other. I agree that does not mean abuse each other.

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by Sundaymorning

Thanks to those who responded and understood what I was trying to say. The idea of giving yourself when you do not wish to, does breed negative effects.

That is the whole point. Thanks again.

 

There are way too many generalizations here. People need to look at each and every relationship as unique. Don't compare it to other relationships of the past, or on TV or whatever stereotypical behavior pattern is believed.

 

I'll give you a true-life example. John Doe and Jane Doe.

 

John and Jane meet, date, fall in love. They make a commitment to each other. They plan to get married. They begin to sleep together. John is the pursuer 90% of the time. Everything is great---even the arguments.

 

Marriage Year One: It's an adjustment living with someone new. The sex is good, the compromises are not too bad. Toward the end of year one Jane realizes that the sex is not as often. John stops pursuing. Jane pursues and is turned down 50% of the time.

 

Marriage Year Two: A month after the anniversary. Jane and John are arguing about sex. John is always tired, or there is something on TV that he MUST watch. Jane is frustrated and feeling very unattractive. She tries to talk to John who only will tell her that he still finds her desirable, he's just got too much on his mind.

 

Two months after the anniversary they are still fighting and Jane says in disgust "I'm not renewing my birth control pills -- it's a waste of money since we never have sex anymore"

 

Marriage Year Three: John and Jane have sex twice this year. Jane has begun counseling and John has agreed to go too. They also see doctors to make sure they have no health problems. Jane will have sex any time or place that John might ask for it---no matter what Jane feels like inside or if she is sick. That doesn't matter anymore. John never asks.

 

Marriage Year Four: Jane stops asking or hinting or in any way showing an interest in sex, at the doctors recommendation. Its important for John to go back to being the initiator. John does not. He brings home junk food and movies.

 

Marriage Year Five: It has now been a year and a half since they had sex. John has gained 80 pounds. Jane has gained about 30. She asks John to get out with her and exercise. John refuses because he is beginning to have problems with his knees.

 

Marriage Year Six: John and Jane are still in counseling. Jane still cries every day. It's been two-plus years since she has been held, touched, made love to, or even just f***ed for the physical release. John is not using porn, but he does masturbate on a fairly regular basis. They have gained more weight.

 

Marriage Year 20: It's been 14 years since John and Jane have had sex. They have been in and out of counseling. They both claim to love each other and they truly do. Jane has finally been able to put all desire away and no longer cares if she is loved physically---or even if she is loved at all. Companionship and someone to talk to sometimes is all that matters now. John is disabled now and is physically unable to have sex. Jane realizes its a good thing that she had all those years to adjust to celibacy. She can handle it now. She knows now that all those years of feeling like the most worthless human on the planet----I mean, how horrible does someone have to be if their own husband (who professes love for her) is so repulsed that he won't even touch her?---those years are over. She knows that it was JOHN all along and not her that was the problem. Romance and desire has been burned out of her forever. She's past menopause. She has no illusions of an average marriage anymore. She is okay with that. She is confident in herself. Once in a very blue moon she has her own private pity-party and mourns for her lost youth, but quickly gets over that.

 

She finds the internet and a relationship board. She wonders now, what her marriage would have been like if John would have had sex even when he didn't want to, because he knew and respected that it was important to Jane? It probably would not have made a difference. Jane wanted someone to want her, not appease her. Sex would have been shallow and meaningless for her, and only satiated the physical need. Jane wonders if the tables were reversed, if John would have felt the same way?

[Moose]

Hokey???????

 

That scenario is no where close to a true life scenario, if it is, man, I feel sorry for those who've lived their life like that....but, what is that you're trying to communicate here? Of course each relationship is different. The original poster was just asking, should she just give her SO sex whenever he wants it?

 

I think it's ok as long as she's willing. If she's not into it at that certain point and time, I think it's her SO's responsibility to back off and wait until she can give herself fully.

 

Scorpion, You know, a family needs their Father and Husband more than they need possessions. Is it possible to live off the income from one job? When I went to college I was there full time and worked full time, I never saw my wife. She became lonely and neglected. Is this perhaps the reason your wife was unfaithful? I mean, my wife never cheated on me, but I saw how it effected her.

 

There is an order that me and my family follow. Not to say that it's the order everyone should follow. But I credit our success to it. God always comes first, your family always comes second, and you always come last.

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by Moose

Hokey???????

 

That scenario is no where close to a true life scenario, if it is, man, I feel sorry for those who've lived their life like that....but, what is that you're trying to communicate here? Of course each relationship is different. The original poster was just asking, should she just give her SO sex whenever he wants it?

 

Yes, actually. That is my life. I'm Jane. There is a lot more to my life than that, but that was what I thought relevant. Don't feel sorry for me. There is very little about my journey so far that I would change. Sex is not that important.

 

What it had to do with the original post is in the last paragraph: [color=darkblue]She wonders now, what her marriage would have been like if John would have had sex even when he didn't want to, because he knew and respected that it was important to Jane? It probably would not have made a difference. Jane wanted someone to want her, not appease her. Sex would have been shallow and meaningless for her, and only satiated the physical need. Jane wonders if the tables were reversed, if John would have felt the same way?[/color]

[Moose]

Jane wanted someone to want her, not appease her.

 

I feel for you.....this sentence could've been used in the other thread we're discussing about why God gives us free will.

 

I better understand what you mean now. Thanks Hokey......

[Scorpion1691]

Moose, your right, Atleast the way I was brought up , God and Country, family. I was going to a very good church, my wife would not go. She accused me of wrong doing, As for the income. Yes I make very good money on one job. You know the term gold digger, thats what I deal with. I can say we are a little short this month, she goes out the door and spends even more. When I got rid of my business she said I was envading her space, I work 24 hours off 48, every 7th working day I would be off 5 days. She said I wish you would go back to work. So me being home wasd noth the situation, She is the kind of person too complain and put the blame. I am with her because of 5 kids and I beleive in what Marriage stands for. Even though she can't be trusted, I still love her. God loves you no matter who you are.

[Hembree0517]

I think both should want the sex to have it. My hubby and I have a prob with this. Ever since I had my son, I don't care too much about sex, but he wants it all the time. I don't give it to him everytime he wants it though.

[jmargel]

I heard a story about this guy, when his woman didn't want sex & they were in bed, that he would masterbate and then cum on her face. lol.. Talk about rude..

 

Some women like the feeling of being 'used'. My fiancee gets in that kinda mood at times as well. Don't ask me why, I wouldnt even know where to begin on that one. It's a matter of preference. Each to their own.

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by jmargel

Some women like the feeling of being 'used'. My fiancee gets in that kinda mood at times as well. Don't ask me why, I wouldnt even know where to begin on that one. It's a matter of preference. Each to their own.

 

You said it "sometimes." Sex can be different even when using the same positions. There are attitudes about sex that are not easily defined. It's not role-play, necessarily. Sometimes men want to be dominate, sometimes they want to be passive. Women are the same way. There is more than just one mood.

 

I was very open with my husband in the beginning. I was willing to try different things---different positions, places, and attitudes. I tried to find out what he wanted. He was never comfortable telling me or showing me. It made me more inhibited too and very insecure.

 

Now I don't care. I tried (recently) to recapture a sensous side (thus my avatar!) and I can still talk the talk, but I no longer care to walk the walk.

[kirkyswife]

I believe in satisfying my man and so if he wants that 3AM session - the 3AM session h shall have. I have never been too tired to have sex and I don't understand it when women say that - what's so tiring about sex? I'm highly sexual and could stand to have sex about 3 to 5 times a day and STILL want more. I have only denied my ex sex once and that's when I had the flu - I had a fever of a 103 and just couldn't top my ears from pounding but other than that I enjoy it. Oh and when we first got married we used to do it so much that we literally hurt - his dick and my insides were raw from the friction but with the aid of some lubricant and a lot of four-play to ensure natural wetness we kept at it. The only time my ex-husband didn't get sex was when Aunt Suzy was visiting and during that time I would blow his mind with my oral skills and I could do that at least 3 to 4 times a day.

 

So at 31, I DO not envision ever being too tired to make love or F8@k my lover. Real Talk if I don't do it - please believe me someone else will.

[Scorpion1691]

Hembree, I think that is great you feel that way, I personnaly have met more woman that don't or will not. As for Hembree, I would be interested in hereing more about why she does not. Not to critisize. I want to understand more. Being a guy, Most of the talk says guys can do it in there sleep, anytime day or night, sick or not. you know what I mean. Sorry, this one can't if I am not concentrating on the person I am with,it's not happening. What I truly miss is the passion that a woman can offer, the sintual kisses while being held. This is what this one guy misses. I like making love don't get me wrong, the worst I have ever had was wonderfull. But to me the feeling inside needs to be there.

[seahorse]

Whew! What a long thread.

 

Everyone speaks from their own point of view, based on their current and past relationships, and from their upbringing/environment.

 

The following opinion is from the viewpoint of a completely committed loving relationship with no major stresses/issues going on:

 

I would say it is ok and fine to give your man sex when he wants it, if he's willing to do the same for you. For the woman to ALWAYS be the giver can/may eventually breed resentment in relationships where men are always the initiators. And vice versa. If my man was willing to pleasure me, even if he wasn't in the mood, then I'd say fair is fair, turnabout etc.

 

Personally, I've usually found that even if I'm not in the mood to begin with, a few minutes of time spent on my needs usually gets me going, all things being equal. Of course, at the moment I'm still in a fairly new relationship that's still at the hot n heavy stage, so we're both up for it most of the time.

 

JMO.

 

Seahorse

[sami]

Are you expecting it to slow down through time or something?

[seahorse]

Sami,

 

Well, not anytime soon, but I've just come out of a 24 year relationship, so I know from that experience that it does slow down a bit!! In my current relationship, I only see my man on average every few weeks, (because of distance), so when we're together we're pretty full on.

 

Seahorse

[heidi]

That taking out the trash thing really isn't the same thing! I think that if you're in a relationship the big word is compromise. If you REALLY don't feel like it, then don't. But, if he really wants to then you should consider it if there's no real reason why you don't feel into it. Someone said that it breeds resentment if you do it when you really don't want to. I think that's totally true. Just be considerate. That's my rule. You should definately never feel obligated, but you should also consider that you want him to feel loved and wanted so just don't deny him for no real reason for too long.