giving him sex anytime he wants it?

[Thinkalot]

I'm not sure I understand...you feel like you've raped her, if you know she wasn't in the mood??

[Scorpion1691]

No. We would go too bed and I would ask her if she was intersted, she would turn too me and start kissing me, when I saying kissing, I can get more feeling out of my pillow. She showed interest we would make love and afterwards she would have this look on her and just lay back. I ussually would rub her (Massage) to sleep afterwards. This has happened the last 4 times. So The last 3 times she turned to me I turned her down and it's been selibit ever since. There is a history there, She is interested in another person ,

[Thinkalot]

That would make me feel a bit yuk too....sorry she's interested in someone else!

[Scorpion1691]

So am I , the only reason I am on a frum like this. It gets my head out of thre daily routine.

[mintjulep]

It sounds like you're talking about way too many issues on this forum. I agree that comparing taking out the trash to having sex is a really weird comparison, but not for the same reason as SundayMorning. Sex should never be a chore, and if both of you enjoy sex with each other then the issues of not wanting to or not being in the mood are based on emotion or feelings. Nobody likes to take out the trash.

 

I don't know that feminism has anything to do with the divorce rate, but I'm sure parallels can be drawn if you look hard enough - it's too bad that without any factual and quantitative data, no one who likes to think for themselves will want to listen to you. One of the biggest reasons that sociologists today believe that the divorce rate is higher is because people used to put up with more - women especially, because they have always had to be the emotionally stronger of the two genders. Today, when it's easier and more socially acceptable to get divorces, it's easier to leave someone for the slightest infraction, whereas, to contrast, my grandmother put up with my grandfather's alcoholism and many indescretions because she thought that marriage was a sacred bond that she could not and would not break. My mother, on the other hand, grew up in the middle of the feminist movement. She and my father will have been married for 25 years this year, and she never had to compromise herself in the same way that my grandmother did. I have no idea what their sex life is like, though...ha.

 

I would never have sex with my boyfriend just because he wanted it. Fortunately, we have a healthy enough relationship that when he's in the mood he makes sure that if I'm not in the same place he is, I will be shortly. He's not enough of a sexist pig to assume that just because he's hard that I want to be thrown down in the bedroom - which is what I think SundayMorning was talking about. You make it sound like you should be waiting on the bed with your legs splayed open every day when your guy gets home from work.

 

Screw that.

 

I'm sure that's not what you meant, but believe you me that is sooo how it sounded. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, though, and also hope that you realize that it might, indeed, have sounded like you think that women should be sex slaves. So to answer your first question, yes, I am available whenever my boyfriend wants me - because he makes it worth my while.

 

Oh. And I am a feminist. I think it's hard to be a woman and not be one, but then again, I've studied feminist theory - which isn't something I think you know a whole lot about. Not if you think feminism is the reason the divorce rate is so high.

[jw32802]

believe me i know alot about feminism, taken many classes on it and i hate it.

 

No i wasnt saying anything abuot being sex slaves, women just dont get it at all. For the same reason that women are more emotional and want the man to understand that and maybe hug them when they dont "understand" , is the same reason why women should understand that men need sex more often and yes should do it even if they dont want to.

 

I think its best to get off this topic because people are not understand it at ALL.

[Thinkalot]

Just another word...sometimes even in a healthy relationship, NOT wanting sex is not just about emotions and feelings....in my case, medication has had an impact on my libido for example.

 

Yet, I still enjoying GIVING pleasure, even though I don't want sex as often as I used to.

[Scorpion1691]

My reply is for Mintjulep. It sounds like you are getting something off your chest more than what this forum was about. You needed to be part of the whole discussion. I don't remember anyone blaming the feminist movment for the divorce rate. The chore factor was as you mentioned was by SundayMorning. I simply replied how I interpreted her reply. Love making is a mutual feeling. The feminist movement I have found to be mostly people that society owes them something for keeping them behind. This is anoth quick and not clear answer but you have a totaly different argument.

[mintjulep]

Originally posted by Scorpion1691

My reply is for Mintjulep. It sounds like you are getting something off your chest more than what this forum was about. You needed to be part of the whole discussion. I don't remember anyone blaming the feminist movment for the divorce rate. The chore factor was as you mentioned was by SundayMorning. I simply replied how I interpreted her reply. Love making is a mutual feeling. The feminist movement I have found to be mostly people that society owes them something for keeping them behind. This is anoth quick and not clear answer but you have a totaly different argument.

 

What, exactly, is it that I'm getting off my chest?

 

The chore factor was brought up by SundayMorning, sure, but it was a part of this whole discussion - and I addressed both sides. Also, I noticed that other people continued along the chore line, so I thought I'd add my two cents. How is that not allowed? Besides, I believe I agreed with your side on the chore issue.

 

I guess I find it hard to reply to every single post that was made here, but I tried.

 

I saw flaws in arguments, and tried to point them out.

Originally posted by jw32802So if your husband isn't in the mood to take out the trash, would you let him get away with that? i just never believed in that whole "if you're not in the mood dont do it" cuz women always try to get men to do things they want and wouldnt accept "not in the mood" as an answer

"Taking out the trash" is a "chore." The "factor" was originally brought up when the whole "taking out the trash" thing was laid out on the table.

 

SundayMorning was not the only one who jumped to that thought. I did, too - before I even saw her post. So the reason she thought it was a weak argument was different from mine, but I have to agree with her. They're not comparable. I, too, simply replied on how I interpreted her reply, and yours, and the rest of them.

i think that marriages started falling apart after the feminist movement because women took it toooo far

To me, this implies that marriages fall apart because of feminism. How else does a marriage fall apart other than divorce? That's what most people use as a polite way to say that the marriage "crapped out" - or that there is separation or divorce involved.

 

I know that feminism isn't the only reason that marriages fall apart - there's adultery, emotional unavailability and instability, jealousy, laziness...the list goes on. Feminism is probably at the bottom of the barrel. I have a hard time that someone who studied it with an open mind really believes that it is at the root of any marital problems.

 

Taking classes will not educate you if you don't open your mind. I hated physics and didn't retain any of it, but I took three years of it. Does that make me an expert on physics? No ... just like reading Jane Austen isn't going to make you a literary expert, taking a "bunch of" classes on feminism isn't going to make you an expert on feminist issues.

The feminist movement I have found to be mostly people that society owes them something for keeping them behind.

So was the black movement, and the Korean movement, and the Gay movement. Where is your information coming from?

This is anoth quick and not clear answer but you have a totally different argument.

And finally, explain this. I don't know what you mean. Even in the context of your post.

[Scorpion1691]

Mint, thanks for your reply, You just need to calm down a little and relax, I mean that in a good way. You in your writing sound harsh, you may not be that way in person. I am on this too learn, Since I have a wife who pretty much comes across harsh like you did. It's hard to determmine how you mean. My wife does not give me a chance too understand woman. I have gotten pretty good answers, not to say any person or woman is all the way each of you say, but they are helpfull answers

[crabbyhag]

Me and my husband of 64 years have relations all the time. I think it'd be horrible if we couldn't have relations. Enjoy it while you can, when you get older, it gets harder to move around.

[Moose]

You guys are forgetting the pecking order in the marriage. The man is suppose to be the head of the household, bread winner, decision maker.

[Max Zoom]

Max wonders if Monday might be happier with her husband if she adopted a more submissive role with him and tried running to get him a beer when he comes in from mowing the grass.

[jw32802]

hahahah

[jw32802]

Oh and i DO think its a womans job to do the dishes and thing slike that, and the mans job to do the grass. Funny how women flip out if the man doesnt do the dishes, and you hear all the "oooooohs" but a woman is allowed to say "Go cut the grass" to her husband.

 

Men want sex more than women do, bottom line.

[Adunaphel]

jw32802,

 

I also believe in giving your SO sex when he wants it,

 

unless I'm *really* not in the mood, or upset at him for any reasons, or I'm feeling phisically bad, or he just did/said something that hurt my feelings

 

I am sure the exceptions above apply to you too.

IMO having sex with your partner when he has just been rude/mean to you or when you are feeling phisically like sh*t is what makes the difference from a "girlfriend who believes in giving her partner sex when he wants it" (which has nothing to do with being a good girlfriend) and a blow-up doll.

 

I also would _never ever_ do it if he *expected* me to do it, or thought that this is what all girlfriends *should* do, or took it for granted.

 

I make love with my bf even when I'm not in the mood (which btw happens rarely, also because we don't see each other every day) because sometimes I start 'not in the mood' and I become 'in the mood' while we are doing it ... and I end up enjoying myself. I can't predict if I'll become 'in the mood' or not while doing it until I'm there, though.

 

Also, even if I'm not phisically very turned on, I still think that having him inside me is nice. I think about it as 'cuddling his little friend a bit'. I tell him 'listen, I don't feel like having an orgasm, I know I won't have one, so don't worry about it, i like having you inside me'.

 

I also do it because I'm a very insecure person.

 

And I absolutely agree with sundaymorning when she said that Scorpion1691

taking out the trash and having sex are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.

[sami]

Who said "Sex is about spreading the ladies legs". It is spreading every part of our human body and soul. That is what sex is all about. I think we need to spread our minds a little further before we spread our legs.

[Caroli]

I can see your point Monday.

 

I also said before that I like to be with my boyfriend every time that he wants, however I think that depends on the guy with whom you are.

 

With my ex-boyfriend I got tired of having sex with him, at the end I was avoiding that…why? Because he was so selfish, he was not caring about me at all and the quality of the sex was deplorable.

 

With my fiancé is different. We made agreements along our relationship and we respect each other. I know that he is very sexual and he knows that I am in the same way. So, I try to be with him every time that he wants (even when I am not feeling so good) and he does the same for me. However, I can not remember a single time in which we argued and then he tried to be with me. Usually we argue, then we try to solve the things and at the end we finish having sex.

 

I think that is unreasonable to expect that a woman can be with her partner if he is being a jerk with her or if the sex quality is just less than acceptable.

[Sundaymorning]

Thanks to those who responded and understood what I was trying to say. The idea of giving yourself when you do not wish to, does breed negative effects.

That is the whole point. Thanks again.

[unluckylady]

Not any time he wants it, necessarily. But you MUST give it to him often, and at times when he's not expecting it. YOU need to initiate it just as much as he does, other wise he will go looking for it elsewhere...

[Craig]

I don't get it...

 

Originally posted by Sundaymorning

Thanks to those who responded and understood what I was trying to say. The idea of giving yourself when you do not wish to, does breed negative effects.

That is the whole point. Thanks again.

 

If you are in a fully committed relationship. Committed to each other then why would "giving yourself when you do not wish to breed negative effects"???

 

I believe that in a relationship there are going to be times when one of the people do not wish to do certain things but in a mature relationship they do them any way out of love and commitment to their partner and the relationship.

 

If doing something, anything, when you do not wish to breeds negative effects toward your partner then there is something else wrong in the relationship.

 

If you are in a good relationship with a good person should you give your partner sex whenever they want it? Mostly yes and rarely no.

[HoldOn]

If you are in a good relationship with a good person should you give your partner sex whenever they want it? Mostly yes and rarely no.

 

I agree. My bf would do anything for me, why wouldn't I?

[ColdFish]

My boyfriend of 4 years and I have very mismatched sex drive levels-yet everything else is fine. I have issues with sex where I end up feeling dirty and guilty about it, so I really don't like doing it. I've tried to just give it to him without me wanting to, and it was as if I were being raped and began crying. So, in my case, no, I don't think he should get it whenever he wants it even if I have zero desire to do it. Although I'm at the point where I wouldn't care if he wanted to go out now and then and sleep with other women, as I don't like being pressured for it. Healthy relationship, huh?

[Scorpion1691]

Monday, sorry to get back so late. I only get on every 3 day. I disagree. I like what JW has to say. It's interesting you get in the mood when your boy friend does.

 

Does this mean you are never in the mood, Do you ever in inittiate? There are woman out there that like to have sex or make love. It's seems that the ones that like it boasting or not are allways being put down. She is not offering it on the internet, JW is just telling how she feels.

 

I am on here for information, too release frustration and ask question so that I may understand.

 

This is an open forum. I am not getting on you for knocking. But all this information is a learning experience for all.

[Scorpion1691]

Sundaumorning, I do feel we all need to understand the other persons feelings, We guys are very guilty of it. The problem I have I don't know when the riht time it. I am not with a person that self inittiates. It's hard to keep asking if tonight is a good time.