Car10e Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I just read your post, and oh man I was mad just reading it. I'm sorry, but he sounds pretty messed up. I thought my ex finding a new gf the same week we broke up was bad, but getting engaged to someone a week after breaking up is just horrible. And he still talks to you and tells you he's thinking of you WTF. I know its hard to let go, I'm still trying to do it also. It sounds like he's still not completely over you. But he's stupid for making things much more complicated than they should be, by getting engaged already. Not waiting or allowing for himself to heal and get over you, shows the little amount of dignity he has for himself. And as for his new fiancee, he's using her to mask his feelings for you. I guarantee it will end in divorce, and you will be the one laughing.
Crila16 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 lovehurts...listen to yourself when you're writing. Do you hear what you're saying??? He screwed you over and left you to get engaged to another woman after 7 years...and you're worried that you snapped at him? Why, because you think you'll have turned him off? Excuse me...but what he's done is far worse than you standing up for yourself and letting him know he hurt you and you're angry about it. You need to stop being a victim here. You need to start sticking up for yourself and knowing your self worth. Yes...I know it hurts. I know you're in pain. Your heart just got let down bigtime by a man you've loved and thought you knew for 7 years. He's the problem...He's the crazy one. Not you. He should be the one getting down on his knees, begging for your forgivness at his stupidity. I can't wait for you to move into the anger stage. That's the only way you're going to start standing up for yourself. Be the mother to your own child. If this was happening to your daughter, what would you tell her? You'd tell her to walk right up to this guy and knock him out. Stop being a victim. Be strong. Take care of yourself. Stick up for yourself. Be your own support system and give yourself a big hug. This guy hurt you. He's the bad guy. Remember that.
Author lovehurts82 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 Thanks everyone for the feedback. I know that a lot of this is crazy talk. I'm not sure why I even entertain the idea of having anything to do with the guy. As you all have said.. he's the one who's done wrong. As for the grief stage.. I think I teeter between anger and hurt most days. I started a blog as a way to vent my thoughts and track my healing.. a place to get out of my head. It's getting easier, even though I still have some rough patches. I've been keeping myself busy for the most part.. have been getting back into the gym.. back into taking care of myself for myself and am also working on trying to find a normal, not-3rd-shift job. I think that that tends to play on my emotions in a lot of ways because I can't ever sleep like I should be. I'm also moving back out from home once again (I had moved back when I was planning to go back to school once again and ended up staying there while I waited for him to figure out what we were doing) so I'm starting to feel much more in control of my life again. Thanks everyone for your support again. Your little reality checks and kicks in the arse help me soo much!
Author lovehurts82 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 I just have to say.. I'm VERY happy today.. and it's amazing how things work out in the end. I just hope this one does. I just happened upon a job opening at a doctor's office as a patient advocate. I have been at the same job (virtually.. I've worked some other pt jobs along the way as sides) since two days before my 18th birthday. I've applied several other places, though not really been too interested or heard back much. TODAY though.. I sent in my resume for that job.. and not 5 minutes after I sent the e-mail, I got a call back asking me if I would be able to come in for an interview. Hallelujah! I just pray I can get it. So far since my break-up I've gotten back to the gym (finally getting past the 40lbs lost mark), am moving into a new place with a good friend and am now possibly getting a new job. Perhaps this BU really is a blessing in disguise. I can only pray! The differences I've been making for myself in these last few weeks have been a long time coming. I'm sad my ex isn't around to see them, though he's still Facebook friends with my mom (in order to keep tabs on me, I'm sure) so I'm sure he will eventually. I know now that I can do this stuff for myself and I don't NEED him to help me along in bettering myself. An evil part of me hopes he sees the changes and how I've advanced myself without him and comes crawling back from his pre-made welfare family so I can tell him to f*** off.. I wasn't "good enough" then and I sure as h3ll don't need him now! Mean.. but grrr! He was an a$$! Wish me luck tomorrow! <3
Crila16 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I'm so proud of you and your strength. Good luck with this job...and don't worry about this guy finding out how well you're doing. He will. To give you an example of fate. I live in NYC. I'm walking down a random street and bumped into someone who has been on my mind for the last 8 years since I last saw him. In all the streets in this huge city, we chose the same street which was off both of our beaten path. When I tell you bumping into him was a HUGE deal. I promise. it was a HUGE deal. Fate....leave it up to fate....and Good luck tomorrow!!!
Author lovehurts82 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) Thanks so much for all your support Crila16 and everyone! I am super stoked for this thing and pray the Lord works his hand in letting it happen. I know there's a plan for me.. now just to see what it is! Edited August 22, 2012 by lovehurts82
Tally123 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Lovehurts82 I hope you doing ok. I followed your post from the very beginning and read (open mouthed) what this guy had done to you. He obv has some underlyin deep problem going on...i mean what normal person does what he has? its like something ridiculous out of a film! Anyway this is just to say I hope you are doing well! Tally
Author lovehurts82 Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 @Tally123: Thanks so much Tally. I appreciate your care and concern. I spent the weekend camping with siblings and their families, but it was really pretty rough.. being the only single one among them. I also had too much time sitting not doing a whole lot, either because of heat or rain, so pretty blue today.. and quite a bit this weekend. I'm really hoping to hear back after my job interview to see if I get it. That will definitely help, I'm sure. As said above, having a rough day today.. and for this weekend. Have been sooo tempted on several occasions to call X just to talk to him.. am missing him like CRAZY. It's been the first full week that I haven't heard anything from him. I know it's normal to feel like this when working through NC, but ugh.. I miss him like crazy. Especially when I hear from mutual friends about his new "family" pictures he's posted on Facebook of her kids with him that's titled "Family". Soo hard. I've been talking to someone else as well, though it's nothing serious and he's aware of the recent breakup and hasn't been pushing anything an respects the limits and bounds I've set. I just don't want to push too much ahead and hurt him. Blah.. so kind of pouring out my brain here right now, since I don't want to make the mistake of getting hold of X. I wish my heart would begin to heal..
Author lovehurts82 Posted September 1, 2012 Author Posted September 1, 2012 So.. I was crossing my fingers at the beginning of the week that this new job thing would go through and I am happy to announce that after 11 years of doing the same thing, I have a new job! I'm so excited and start half days on Tuesday. Ex found out about the new job and sure was digging for info.. messaged me and asked.. but I think I was mostly indifferent.. short and to the point, though not being mean or rude. Here's another blurb about things that have happened this last week, but, I'm currently taking a short break to post here as I finish packing up my things to move later this morning. I'm so excited for the future and am in a way happy that it's back in my control and I'm not just settling for wherever my X would have decided for us to be. It had always felt a bit like he was the only one that mattered in the relationship.. that he looked for what he wanted for /his/ future.. not /our/ future and now that I say that here, I remember having said that to him on a few occasions. Anyhow.. I'm back to NC.. And I think he waited and held up the hoodie to use as a reason to get back ahold of me. But.. I'm done playing his mind games, so if he sends it.. good. If not.. I guess he does with it whatever he does.
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