Broken hearted & don't feel like I can go on..

[beyond]

Jeez!!!!

 

I suddenly feel very tired and far too old for this forum!

 

Good luck Vikki

[Sav]

I don't know Vikki what you want us to say. Seriously. And the last line is NOT cool. The bit about his father.

 

All I can say is you brought this upon yourself. I don't know how else to say it without being a little harsh but is it any of your business if your EX is sleeping around? Your ex can be shagging a horse or a dog and it's really none of your business.

 

Get it in your head Vikki, No contact means NO CONTACT. Simple. You probing into your ex's business is really a no-brainer. You do not need to know what he's been doing, or who for that matter.

 

You just threw all your efforts down the drain. Now you're going to start all over again. I don't know. It might be a good thing if you can finally be less delusional about the relationship and start moving on. But all in all, you just allowed yourself to be hurt again.

 

I do not see what's so hard about no contact. I've been in NC since the day we broke up. I miss that girl but it's MY life now. I have to look out for myself because nobody else will. I will do what's best for me and what you're doing now isn't the best thing for yourself.

 

Seriously, telling your mom and stuff about the things he did? Appears to be a little childish to me. From what I see, you just want approval and you're just trying to spite him. For what? The end result is what you've seen. You have just set yourself back further and I'm not sure if he will be willing to talk to you in the near future again.

 

We've already told you, you're not ready to be friends with him. And now it should be quite obvious and apparent. If you're bothered, then don't ask, or even better, don't talk till you've fully moved on.

 

People can only give advice, but it's only up to you to take it. Hurt yourself more or start healing. Your choice. But just know, the fact will not change that you WILL have to move on. So you either start early, or start late and regret the fact.

 

Not trying to be mean or anything, just feel upset for you that you caved in to your desires so soon. Keep on fighting, and stay on strong

[Vikki_26]

I am okay, I told my mum as she came in to my room asking why I was upset.

 

I feel fine at the moment. It felt good in an odd way hearing he had sex with somone else. It slammed all doors closed for any future he said about maybe getting back together. But then he started backing out of that, saying he didnt do anything he just made it up (see the convo). Yeah if we dont talk to each other again we don't. I wont be contacting him now, I dont think. Its up to him if he wants to say hi and be friends. I am glad I broke no contact to hear that he met with this girl.

 

Yes he was single, but three weeks guys after our split, cmon! It shows me how much I really meant! F all! Yes out talk was childish, he brings it out in me, as he makes no sense. His a f*ck wit, and I am glad I agrued with him now. Confirms it even more!

Edited September 3, 2012 by Vikki_26

[Gab09]

Don't worry about it, love makes us all act stupid.

 

I'm guilty more than once for sending ugly emails and texts :/

 

In a way it only satisfies the other person to let them know how much it still hurts you, but if it made you feel better.. I guess it's ok..

[youngnlove89]

Vikki oh Vikki!

 

Good news is most of us have done what you have done. Including me.

 

Bad news is it doesn't make the situation any better.

 

One thing I want to point out is you made yourself sound, for a lack of a better word, like an idiot.

 

Ouch. I know. I'm being honest because I really don't want you to ever do that again! You manipulated him, you were conniving and immature. And to say it didn't hurt that he slept with another girl, is a big FAT lie. It hurt you or you wouldn't have brought it up. Heck, that would have hurt me! I hurt for you! Sometimes it's better NOT knowing.

 

Rule #1 NEVER talk about another guy with a recent ex bf. Just not cool. I don't care if you were really over him (even though that's not the case here), what makes you think that it is okay to talk to David about another guy? Cruel. That is manipulation. You were trying to get a rise out of him. You wanted him to hurt.

 

You need to let him be now. Don't say anything. Let it go. You were doing good and I know temptation is hard to resist, but look what happened. Everything you worked so hard for is gone now. Everything you were holding onto since the breakup had completely unraveled the minute you start talking to him.

 

All this goes to show that you aren't over him. You aren't ready to be "friends" (I don't know why anyone would want to be demoted to friendship anyways). You were putting too much effort in the conversation. You revealed too much, you said too much. You came across as needy, immature and completely vulnerable. Especially when you brought up that boy, I personally gasped!

 

What is done is done. Don't think about it too much. Focus on going back to where you left off (when you were NC).

 

Sometimes, those things that keep us from loving and living are self-made. They are barriers we erect with fear and bullsh*t. You don't need David anymore. He doesn't need you anymore. People come and go, don't waste your precious time anymore on this guy.

 

Let him go.

[youngnlove89]

I feel not only I have I lost David, but ive lost the whole what I thought wonderful life I had with him. To me he was out of my league, and he was everything I ever wanted. I feel lost. I really dont want to live any more.

 

 

How are you doing Vikki? Haven't heard from you in awhile?

[Vikki_26]

Hiya I havent been on here for awhile, I didnt want to keep asking for help when I think you guys gave me all you could. I wanted to try and find my own path to deal with it in a way. The help has been second to none dont get me wrong you guys are the best, but I wanted to start to only blame only myself if things went wrong.

 

I have been in contact with him, chatting on msn. Its been alright. He lied about the whole girl thing mentioned in previous post it wasnt true. Argued a couple of times but sorted it out next day. Ive felt alright. Ive made mistakes talking to other guys too soon, im not now. I am really happy on the whole with being single. I know I wouldnt want to go back to arguing each week, the stress and the whole effort it took to be in a relationship with him. I still miss him from time to time, ive learnt out to deal with it though. I enjoy our nice chats, keeping in touch.

 

I felt it was harder for me to have no contact and I feel like I dont crave him if i talk now and then to him. Ill try to explain, if I said right i am giving up chocolate and not having any more from now on, id crave it. By saying okay i can still have some when i need to (i.e contact him now and then to have a chat) then I dont feel i need to as much. I feel more free.

 

Maybe I am setting myself up for a big fall, maybe I wont move on to find someone new whilst i am still in contact now and then with David. But right now I dont want anyone. I want to work on my own goals and improve myself.

 

I went to london yesterday with a friend, had such a good time. Its really made realise the power of friends and how I need more and to always cherish the ones i do have.

 

I met with David today to walk in our local park. Havent seen him since 7th August. It was nice, we chatted about all sorts and I left happy so did he.. I guess a tiny bit of me is missing him more now since seeing him. But I know both of us just bring the worse out in each other, there is no way it would work if we got back. And I really believe that and accept it.

 

Course I still love him, miss him, I think he does too. But it doesnt make me want a relationship with him. Its much nicer this way, without all the rubbish that comes in a relationship.

 

Right now I am not left in pain, I am not upset. I guess I just miss him a bit. His a good listener and very understanding as a friend. But ill be okay, what doesnt kill me makes me stronger :-)

Edited September 13, 2012 by Vikki_26

[youngnlove89]

Hiya I havent been on here for awhile, I didnt want to keep asking for help when I think you guys gave me all you could. I wanted to try and find my own path to deal with it in a way. The help has been second to none dont get me wrong you guys are the best, but I wanted to start to only blame only myself if things went wrong.

 

I have been in contact with him, chatting on msn. Its been alright. He lied about the whole girl thing mentioned in previous post it wasnt true. Argued a couple of times but sorted it out next day. Ive felt alright. Ive made mistakes talking to other guys too soon, im not now. I am really happy on the whole with being single. I know I wouldnt want to go back to arguing each week, the stress and the whole effort it took to be in a relationship with him. I still miss him from time to time, ive learnt out to deal with it though. I enjoy our nice chats, keeping in touch.

 

I felt it was harder for me to have no contact and I feel like I dont crave him if i talk now and then to him. Ill try to explain, if I said right i am giving up chocolate and not having any more from now on, id crave it. By saying okay i can still have some when i need to (i.e contact him now and then to have a chat) then I dont feel i need to as much. I feel more free.

 

Maybe I am setting myself up for a big fall, maybe I wont move on to find someone new whilst i am still in contact now and then with David. But right now I dont want anyone. I want to work on my own goals and improve myself.

 

I went to london yesterday with a friend, had such a good time. Its really made realise the power of friends and how I need more and to always cherish the ones i do have.

 

I met with David today to walk in our local park. Havent seen him since 7th August. It was nice, we chatted about all sorts and I left happy so did he.. I guess a tiny bit of me is missing him more now since seeing him. But I know both of us just bring the worse out in each other, there is no way it would work if we got back. And I really believe that and accept it.

 

Course I still love him, miss him, I think he does too. But it doesnt make me want a relationship with him. Its much nicer this way, without all the rubbish that comes in a relationship.

 

Right now I am not left in pain, I am not upset. I guess I just miss him a bit. His a good listener and very understanding as a friend. But ill be okay, what doesnt kill me makes me stronger :-)

 

 

Great news! I am happy for you. You do what works for YOU. Everyone deals with breakups in their own way and if this works for you, Great!

 

I feel that way about LS too. Sometimes I feel like I should take a break from here, to figure out what I need to do. But I take all the advice with me. It's very helpful but in the end I have to do what makes ME happy.

 

I'm really glad to hear you are doing good. Maybe now you guys can be really good friends. Maybe you just didnt' work out as a couple. Or maybe you will one day.

 

What do you want to happen in the future?

[Vikki_26]

I am still worried how I might feel say tomorrow or tonight when I go to bed and think about it. Like it comes in waves, my mum for example just said something about the price of fuel in Norway, I then said yeah things were expensive there when we (me and david) went on holiday there. And I just got a wave of feeling and thought 'ahr going to miss out on that stuff'

 

But I realise those are just holidays, they were fantastic. And I will have good times like that again, lifes not all about going on holiday, I can still be happy. So i try to combat that feeling. To be honest I think my antidepressants are helping a bit. But ive felt alright with the breakup for sometime now. I think its because I really do think it wouldnt work. As much as I care and love David I know it wouldnt work. We both to. Who knows in years to come if we are still single and we change dramatically as people (cant see it happening) we might get back together. But who knows, i am not waiting for that day.

 

I am not looking for love i am just quite happy being close to my family at the moment. My mums been my best friend, caring for me and going out shopping. Spent too much money treating myself! I love not arguing and feeling down like I did with David so often. Thats what I keep reminding myself when I get a tiny urge of wanting him. But its not happened.

 

Today I wasnt sure about saying yes to meeting up. As I was scared of feeling worse. But I am glad I did, and so far havent paid the price yet in my heart. We are meeting up sunday too for a race car meet.

 

I understand when he meets someone else this contact may change or he might want to stop. I understand and not thinking that far ahead yet. But id hope he would still want to remain friends. But ill cross that bridge when it comes to it. Time changes things and has made me stronger.

 

Some things I miss about him some I dont. I think I know what id like in a partner that he didnt give me. But finding that could take some time! I keep slipping in to the mindset lately. oowh I am 26 I am getting old lol got to hurry up and find someone as biological clock is ticking. But part of me thinks everything happens for a reason. And some things can change in such a short time.

 

I hope I dont regret being friends with David and I hope its a calmer much more pleasant friendship rather than that rocky road we had when as a couple.

Time will tell, everyones told me I shouldnt talk to him and its too soon. But then if I didnt all I think about is him. Now I do talk now and then I feel free and dont think about him 24/7.

 

Its still early days on the friendship side. But I really hope it works out. I hate loosing people in my life. I am still great friends with my first love. I hope in time for this friendship to be the same.

[LostGirl11]

You're going to get hurt lady. It doesn't feel like that right now, but trust me, this is going to end badly.

 

You're wasting your life on this man, and I've got a feeling that this weird set up is going to go and on. This isn't healthy. The 'friendship' isn't genuine, its forced. It's forced because you don't want to let go.

 

Good luck anyway.

[Vikki_26]

I really hope not worried now though.. :/

[Vikki_26]

An update! So we met as friends at Brands Hatch, and walked around with another girl. He kept being cheeky this time seeing him. And seemed to giving me a lot of attention, talking, laughing and teasing me nicely. The day was great. In the afternoon I got a text from (whilst stood next to him and this other girl) saying I need to talk to you alone. Hmm I thought all sorts. Good or bad. Was it something Sarah told him, or something else. or Just maybe he wants to get back with me? Then I thought oh no I cant, but head kept flipping all these thoughts.

 

So we get time alone and it turns out it was something about none of this, something that someone had sent him, and he was a little upset/annoyed. I explained and it was all okay again.

 

It did upset me though, that this person was causing trouble for me. I just went quiet and he kept saying talk to me, talk to me. So I said I will when we get back to the cars. So whilst walking back to the car he said I know we probably wont ever get back together, but I wanted things to stay nice (meaning what this person sent him about me) And I agreed too.

 

So he then goes on to say that he doesnt think I have missed him as much as he has missed me..and that Ive been lucky to have friends to see which helps. And said he thinks thats good though.

 

So we sat in my car, and I got a little upset, just said so I am asking you when I get back from holiday i can probably expect we wont be friends then if this persons keeps causing trouble for me. He said no, course we will be friends still.

 

He then said cmon lets have a hug, and we put each others arms around one another and I think we sort of held hands if I remember right. I then said how can you think I havent missed you as much silly? Just because I have been out with Liam and Neil. So he wished me a lovely holiday and to find a nice spanish waiter, I laughed and jokingly said yes hopefully lol So he he then prepared to leave. He lent in to kiss and I gave him my cheek, I think thats where he was heading anyway. Then pointed to his cheek for me to return one, which I gave him a goodbye peck..

 

He got out the car, just before he shut the door said 'I love you'

 

I then watched him leave and get in his car. Then ran over to his car and he opened his window, and I was upset. I said how can you think I havent missed you? You know stupidly I thought you were going to ask to get back together earlier. Thats how much I miss you. He then said I had thought about it today, but we need to have alot of discussion before that. I agreed and added that I wasnt sure it would have been right anyway. He held my hand again, I kissed him on the hand and walked away.

 

I asked him that evening what kinda went on earlier. And said to him were just good friends right? And he said he didnt know and was confused.

 

Today his texted me wishing me luck for my doctors appointment, and asking how it went etc. But thats it.

 

Right now, I am still okay, I am happy being friends. I love him. Course I do, but I want friends to work. If I am honest yeah maybe more one day. But i still dont know if that would work and if I could not trust him to break up again with me.

 

But seeing him has certainly had a worse effect on him than me. He seems to be missing me bad, where I have coped with it ok.

[Vikki_26]

I would have been fine if he hadn't had said 'I love you' and texting I miss you. Ever since can't get hope out my head. I had none which was brilliant now his ignited it. Confused.

 

I keep seeing on Facebook though that his liking a mutual friends status updates and pics and taking to her all the time. It's really hurting me. I've respected him in not pursuing talking to his mate I had a dream about. Yet his talking and liking this girls updates. The girl he said he had a flutter feeling over whilst we were together. Just so annoyed, and hurt. I'm supposed to be enjoying my holiday in Spain but can't stop thinking about this.

[Mike_d]

stop with the facebook stalking, now. block him

 

stop taking in breadcrumbs like they have some sort of meaning.

 

its really simple - if he wanted to be with you he would

 

block him on FB, or continue to sit in this cycle. up to you. the only reason you are unable to stop thinking about it is because you continue to torture yourself with it. what do you get out of the torture? how's that working for you?

[Vikki_26]

He has me blocked but I can see where this girl is talking to him and where it shows 9 likes for example but one of the likes is hidden which is obvious its him. Just annoyed. He said to me she's just a friend but I don't buy it.

 

I would be okay if he didn't text me saying he would miss me with kisses each time he spoke and saying when we met that he loved me. Just when I got my head sorted.

[Mike_d]

you conveniently skirted the bigger question, so I'll ask again - do you have him blocked?

[todreaminblue]

I met David in 2004 at the time I had a boyfriend. We met via a forum with a passion for the same car. We became friends, we didnt always see eye to eye about things but we were always friends. Meeting up with other friends now and then for car club meets etc.

 

Fast forward to June 29th 2010 David was racing his car at our local circuit. Something happened that day, we both said, sparks flew and I knew I felt something much more for him. I sent him a cheeky message and met up the next day with him to see if he wanted to date me, he did. I then that night ended it with my then partner of 7 years (which a large age gap between us) I am now 26, David 27.

 

And fell deeply in love with him. We went on holiday 4 to 5 times a year in our car. We did so much together. We drove to the arctic circle for a month. I have never known anyone with such a passion for adventure. He brought me to life, I felt alive, We did so many amazing things together. He was a virgin when I met him, and I was his first proper girlfriend. He had two gf before me but both he describes as not being proper girlfriends.

 

We had a few arguments in December 2010, whilst in the arctic circle. The stress and everything got to us both. February 2011 just before valentines day he told me he wanted a month apart. So we split for a few days and I begged and begged him back, he wanted me back, but said lets go on holiday to see how we get on, so I took him back as I love him and we went on holiday, a driving one to germany.

 

We then tried again and things were amazing, then he dumped me in May 2011, a week after my birthday. We were apart for about a week. We both played games on twitter etc making out we were having fun without each other. I ignored his texts and then he asked to meet me at my cars dealership as he found out I was going there for my car to be serviced. He promised that he would never dump me again and that he was so sorry and that his sorted himself out. He has pure OCD, unable to work but trying to, so thoughts more than compulsions. His on high dosages of depressives to help with that and sees a therapist now and then for it. Used to be often at the start of our relationship.

 

Fast forward to November 29th 2011 a year to the day we left for our adventure to the Arctic and he asked me to marry him. I of course said yes!

 

Since March this year I feel I have been a right moan, felt not happy at all, I dont know why, just cry and get stressed easily. I put it for awhile down to a coil I had fitted but Ive had that removed and still like it.

 

 

So April 2012, we argue and David split with me over text. Makes himself single on fb. I know this time though that he will come back. 3 days later he was all over me saying how much he loved me and that he would never let me go again no matter how grumpy I can get.

 

This then carry on as normal.

 

I just want to add in this 2 years relationship we have had some massive arguments, david's previous gf got him in to self harm. Which he did several times whilst with me. And has suffered very badly with depression at times, not even being able to go out the house.

 

 

Now the last chapter. David broke it off with me July 31st 2012. We had an argument that Saturday night, I said somethings which I regret and did tell him. But he took some of what I said wrong.

 

I am heart broken. I feel lost. Since been told by my doctor that I am depressed. So I am signed off for 2 weeks from work. I feel like killing myself some days. When am I going to feel better? I miss his family, his dog, his mum, sister and her partner and baby, his grandparents. Even their area. I just miss him so much. The pain is unbearable. I spent every weekend at his house, and every day texting each other.

 

He's reasons are that he loves me, but not enough. That the hatred has killed it. That I deserve more. All I want is him but he doesnt feel the same.

He misses my company and would like to stay friends. So we have chatted on msn since, and via text. But I think its just not allowing me to get over him? He has said if he could take my pain away and him have it he would. That he still cares for me but not enough. I say will you ever change your mind? And he said no. Maybe in years to come if its meant to be we will be back together. But he would let me know.

 

I feel like my life is over, I have no friends close by, and mum and sisters are trying their best but im just not feeling any better. My sister said she was after two weeks. Help!!

 

 

long term relationships are a huge grieving process when they end, it took me a long time to get over it I even tried dating way before i was ready and made some really poor choices in that department.My relationship was double your long term relationship so a huge portion of my life and the sacrifices i made to keep the relationship going meant nothing

 

it was years spent in hope that were thrown away I lost a lot including my sanity in saying that I realise even though the break up was horrible and there are residual effects suffered with my children I have closed the book>I have what I have always had through everything I have been through i have my faith, I have my strength,

 

I have hope and I have found a second family who share my hopes and dreams for tomorrow and the rest of my days on gods green earth,and believe in what happens when we go on from here , I even fell in love.....even though tee last thing i mentioned was and is confusing, it beats living a life that was not one i wanted to live anyway i wanted and have always wanted to feel love

 

 

I existed in a relationship for years where i wasn't able to express my thoughts freely or my hopes and dreams and my love died a long time ago in the relationship with the growth of distrust.Grieving over a lost relationship is different for everyone.I am loyal so it takes me longer and as i said when you have residual problems its a struggle but a struggle that is part of life.

 

 

You can hide from it, but eventually you have to face all struggles.We are meant to face things that are difficult as well as blissful.Ultimately all we are meant to be is happy we are meant to have happiness

so that when we go through bad times we know what happiness and love feel like

so we have hope

its gods design we make our choices and either way these choices are what spur us on to achieve that happiness.

to feel it to know it and to appreciate it.sometimes a different perspective helps if you isolate what you are feeling and then watch the news on a bad day you will see what I mean.Everyone has sadness grief loneliness tragedy horror and in between those stories of tragic circumstance are one offs of glory heroism hope love and acceptance..........

 

there is a balance ......

 

if you are truly sad and depressed know that you can get to that other side and appreciate it when it comes your way....have hope and god is up there rooting for you saying yes go for it....i want you to be happy........i think he even does the dougie sometimes in pure joy.....look at nature, and how can you not think he is happy with us .........he gave us so much...you might have made some sad choices......dont listen to replies that villify you....i validate your sadness....and i little old me who is often messed up validates that you will know happiness...i have hope in that and i have loads of hope to give.....deb

Edited September 19, 2012 by todreaminblue

[Vikki_26]

you conveniently skirted the bigger question, so I'll ask again - do you have him blocked?

 

I haven't no as his got me blocked so I can't find him on there to block or else I would

[Mike_d]

I haven't no as his got me blocked so I can't find him on there to block or else I would

 

go to privacy and add the persons e-mail address

 

or -> I want to block a person that has already blocked me. You would think even if you were blocked, you could still block that person but you can't. She could unblock me, look at some of my info/pics, then block me again without me ever knowing it. If I

 

then try the suggestion that seemed to work for everybody else at the end of the post in the link above

 

I'll wait while you give it a go, off with you now

[LostGirl11]

go to privacy and add the persons e-mail address

 

or -> I want to block a person that has already blocked me. You would think even if you were blocked, you could still block that person but you can't. She could unblock me, look at some of my info/pics, then block me again without me ever knowing it. If I

 

then try the suggestion that seemed to work for everybody else at the end of the post in the link above

 

I'll wait while you give it a go, off with you now

 

She isn't going to block him. She is still in contact with him and she seems more than happy with this rather odd set up

[Mike_d]

She isn't going to block him. She is still in contact with him and she seems more than happy with this rather odd set up

 

ugh, that's sad, taking on so much pain when there is so much relief available on the other side. so unhealthy.

 

people change their behavior when the pain becomes great enough, maybe soon?

 

sending out positive thoughts in your direction for positive change.

[LostGirl11]

ugh, that's sad, taking on so much pain when there is so much relief available on the other side. so unhealthy.

 

people change their behavior when the pain becomes great enough, maybe soon?

 

sending out positive thoughts in your direction for positive change.

 

It's very unhealthy, she is living for him , everything is about him. She is in Spain thinking, worrying and obsessing about him , when she gets home the first thing she'll do is contact him

Edited September 20, 2012 by LostGirl11

[youngnlove89]

You guys, don't be mean. She can do what she wants, it is her life. If this is the way she wants to do things, let her. We can't stop her.

 

But Vikki, let me tell you from my personal experience. NC is the best. I already feel great by not contacting my ex.

 

Just know he will prolong this for as long as he can because YOU let him.

 

He doesn't want you back. He is seeing another girl. He just wanted reassurance from YOU that he isn't a bad person, and by being his "friend" you are giving him what he wants. He felt guilty is all.

 

He doesn't care about you or your feelings, because if he did he wouldn't be teasing you.

 

Keep us updated!

[LostGirl11]

You guys, don't be mean. She can do what she wants, it is her life. If this is the way she wants to do things, let her. We can't stop her.

 

But Vikki, let me tell you from my personal experience. NC is the best. I already feel great by not contacting my ex.

 

Just know he will prolong this for as long as he can because YOU let him.

 

He doesn't want you back. He is seeing another girl. He just wanted reassurance from YOU that he isn't a bad person, and by being his "friend" you are giving him what he wants. He felt guilty is all.

 

He doesn't care about you or your feelings, because if he did he wouldn't be teasing you.

 

Keep us updated!

 

We're in no way being mean. Blunt, maybe. Theres only so much advice people can give, this thread is pages long and full of amazing advice but none of it has been taken or used, it seems. .

 

Believe me, my heart is broken too so I do know how hard it is.

[Mike_d]

mine was in no way intended to be mean, it was intended as a message of caring.

 

if it didnt come out that way then please read it that way