Broken hearted & don't feel like I can go on..

[sam2012]

I feel I need to stop the temptation of looking at these two sites. How? Any tips as its making me like this!

 

Jut saw this part..Think you sneaked it in while I was replying!

 

I've tried for ages to stop looking at her FB and POF pages. It's so hard. I still check about every hour!

 

I find reading threads on this site as well as other websites can consume a lot of time, so at least reducing the amount of time I check the pages out.

 

I also sometimes tell myself that whatever I see on there won't help me. Or tell myself that she is with somebody else, that's it, she's moved on. Having this idea in my head kinda takes her away from me wanting her (if that makes sense). It's like accepting it even if it's not happened, just think worse case scenario regardless of checking her pages

[Vikki_26]

Thanks everyone, I wish I could give you all a big real life hug to say thanks for all your support. I know I keep going on and on and I know its got to come from within me. My first real break up. I feel crushed. I think I will have to remove his forums he goes on, like you said to and stop myself from looking. As you say and as I know its doing me no good at all. I have been mourning him for 20 days now. Checked his website every day, every hour, ever half hour in fact!

[sam2012]

Yeah as everyone has said to me and 1000’s of others, it has to come from within. Much easier said than done.

 

 

 

I’m hoping he doesn’t get any kinda of payment per visit to the site? He’ll be able to afford another new car if you keep it up!

[head/heels]

I know it is hard and life sucks right now but take it one day at a time and remember to address your personal needs fully as a way not to get off-kilter. In time this too shall pass and until that day comes you really need to try to make the next day a little bit better than the previous day as sitting and wallowing in it makes for a string of terrible days and if not corrected a terrible month/year/lifetime. I know it is easier said than done but it is so true. Make yourself do one thing you do not want to do (put up clothes, iron a shirt, brush your teeth, go to the market, swim, walk, cut the grass, watch a movie, call a friend and let it out, clean a room in your house, go talk to your neighbor, love your pet (take for a walk or play with him/her). Do any 1 thing now so that you do not continue to lose the person you are during this tough time. No one promised our life would be easy but no one said it was going to be this damn hard either. One day you will see this as a blessing (believe me I have been right where you are, RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!!!, and I never thought that I would ever stop loving or wanting her but I can honestly say that I am so glad she dumped me rather than to falsely love me so that I have a chance on both loving and being loved again). It just takes time. So what we do while our heart is healing can aide in our healing or repress our healing. It is your (our) choice. I know that my ex, whom I broke up with, is likely doing better than me right now (even though I am the "dumper") because she is active, has tons of friends, never gets too down without figuring a way to pick herself back up. She is quite amazing and I really am going to have to post my own thread on here in order to get help for myself. But I truly feel for you and want you to know that I specifically have been there as have many others on this board and it will get better.

[head/heels]

Vicki,

Yes, you have to stop crippling and paralyzing yourself by checking on him. It is hurting you at your core and will only keep taking from you. Love yourself by deleting everything you can as far as online sites and ability to check on him. When I had my first breakup, similar to yours, I found that I could lose myself in helping others on here with their breakups/problems and I think it lead to a little bit faster healing than if I hadnt.

[Vikki_26]

Thanks everyone. So many thoughts and emotions. Just seen a girl from school same age as me whos been going out with her boyfriend for a year is pregnant with a little boy. Also another girl same age is married. And there is me left on the shelf. 26 and half, when will my prince charming come along. I wanted to marry David and have his children. He told me he could imagine no one else having his children, he dreamt about it and about he couldnt wait to marry me. If only I seeked help sooner, for my depression caused by work and life stresses we would still be together now. It feels like a knife going in to my heart. I know for a fact his special, ill never find someone like him. I loved him with all my heart. He was gorgeous, intelligent, caring, and loved me so much when things were good.

[Vikki_26]

I thought my tears had gone. But cried secretly whilst sitting in the same room as my mum and sister just then. I was thinking about how David proposed to me, the lovely video he made before he popped the question. It was a video when we shared the driving of a MINI Countryman to the Arctic Circle for Cancer Research in 2010. We done over 7000 miles from Uk to Nordcapp in Norway. The trip had its highs and lows getting used to one another. But it was amazing, husky sleigh rides, seeing the northern lights, visiting the border close to Russia, staying in a glass igloo. He made a video of this and me, falling in the snow still holding my handbag up and when we stayed in a log cabin on a husky farm and saw the northern lights. Wow we did so much as a couple. The first month he met me he took me to Chamonix and across to Italy in his mum MINI Cooper S convertible. Best holiday ever. We then went to the Arctic in that December. Then in 2011 feb we went to Lucern, and to Germany to the Nurbergring driving. Then we went back there again in June of that year. Then went on a big family holiday with is family to Monte Carlo etc.

 

God I miss him and his family so much. His dog Marley. I love David so much, I really wish he would have just waited for me to go to my therapist to seek help for how I was feeling. I am going tomorrow to speak with her, so scared. I love David so much and miss him more and more with each day. Week of no contact and I really feel like I cant go on. His the love of my life. Ive known him since 18, I loved him the first time I saw him but thought he was out of my league and never pursued it. I wish I could be hypnotised to forget him. I really dont think I will ever truly get over this and I really do belive my life will never be as good now I have lost him. His family (they were Rich, his grandad funds his cars) made our dreams come true. I always paid my half on trips but who thinks of going to the arctic in the middle of winter? Only my David did, he was special. One of a kind. A special man, I feel lucky to have taken his viginity. God I miss him so much!

 

I have been signed off work the last two weeks, I go back to the doctor tomorrow, I really hope they sign me off for the next 2 weeks as I just cannot cope, I cant go back to work right now. I dont have the strength. I have even considered quitting my job of ten years. I cant cope any more. I really hope this therapist can help me. I am obviously depressed (I still find it hard to label like that) and breaking up with Davids just made it even worse!

Edited August 20, 2012 by Vikki_26

[Bigbopper]

Hey Vikki

 

I know how you feel, I really do. Ive just started therapy again as im depressed, triggered by my gf "wanting space". Even though she hasnt said we are over, I have had to move back to my parents and I am so low, I have been suicidal 3 times in 7 days, and was NC for 6 days until I texted her a short hello last night. No response. This made the pain far worse, so I emailed her, really pouring my heart out. She actually responded, but with a faairly non commital reply, saying she needed more time.

 

Ouch.

[SushiX]

I know for a fact his special, ill never find someone like him. I loved him with all my heart. He was gorgeous, intelligent, caring, and loved me so much when things were good.

 

This is exactly the same thing I said about my first love. I thought I would never find anyone as special and as wonderful as her. But now that I look back at it, I'm glad I didn't end up with her or I wouldn't have met the awesome woman that I'm with now! And believe me, I cried a lot over her, and I never cried before that. Just avoid spying on him and no contact means no contact! Time will heal your wounds.

Edited August 21, 2012 by SushiX

[Vikki_26]

Been signed off work for another month... Off to see a therapist later..

[Vikki_26]

I so desperately want to tell my ex I've been signed off again. But that's contacting him, even if I tell him don't reply isn't it? Which I shouldn't right?

[Vikki_26]

Nope not going to tell him. His ruined me. He really has, I don't want to go back there.. Off to therapist now! Very scared!.,

[stemac]

Stay Strong vikki i got a text from my ex i asked if we could talk she said no because i will hurt you again in the long run... made me feel worse they are really not worth it you will get over him 1 day like i will her... i know its so hard

when you really love the person its their loss you deserve better

[Drseussgrrl]

Ok Vikki.

 

I know it sucks and you are hurting. This is normal. And human. And some days I know you don't feel like you can push through.

 

I have read that you haven't left the house in days, that you sit around on LoveShack and try to find any activity by him online, further torturing yourself. Listen - girl, you need to sack up and get into the war. This is your life. NOBODY is worth losing yourself, your job, or your sense of self-worth over. This is now officially the battle for your soul. You need to fight this sh*t.

 

You have to MAKE YOURSELF get up, get dressed and go to work. A month? Come on, now. Last year my fiance dumped me three months before our wedding for THE WEDDING PLANNER. I can't make this sh*t up. All of my hopes and dreams, dashed aside by his betrayal. I had to move out of our condo and leave behind the life I had built with him over 4 years. Sell my wedding dress. Tell our friends and family that the wedding was off. Yeah it sucked ass. But every day I had to wake up and CHOOSE ME. Going to work kept my mind occupied, got me out of the house and around people. Sure I went into the bathroom and cried at times. But I wasn't going to let him break me. HAIL TO THA NAW. Every day you need to get up, shower, put your makeup on and go find something to do. Anything. Go for a walk. Go to a bookstore. Take a cooking class. Get your ass out of the house and get BUSY DOING SOMETHING. This is how you fight back.

 

I have also read that you don't have any friends. Well that is unfortunate. Part of the reason this hurts you so bad is that you made this man your universe. Don't ever do that. Being his girlfriend doesn't define who you are. Use this time to find people with common interests and start building your life and FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU. Who is Vikki? What makes her tick? What does she like doing? This is all about YOU now. This could actually be a great blessing in disguise. Who knows what wonderful person will emerge on the other side of this... with her own hopes and dreams, goals, interests. A whole new awesome you, who isn't defined by some douchebag who dumps her over and over. THAT, my dear friend, is attractive.

[Vikki_26]

Thank you so much, your words are so right I know. Thats so awful what happen to you, makes my situation nothing compared to yours. I am going to try real hard now to get over him and move on, going to start making myself do things. I have been signed off with depression for another month. But I am going to start my life, my new life from now. I spoke to a therapist today and she said similar to you. I have a few thinks I need to work on. Insecurity, no confidence and depending on men to much. Like you say making them my universe. I have to wait though for counselling, 10 weeks! and 6 months for CBT but thats life. Going to start making myself get my ass out of bed and creating my own new life, without him.

Edited August 21, 2012 by Vikki_26

[The Tallest One]

Vikki, my heart breaks reading all your posts. I really feel for you girl. I made my ex gf my whole universe. Thought of her all the time, she was everything to me and now I'm alone and lost. You will get through this though, i know from past experience that time is what helps the most. But like others have said, you have to fight for your happiness. Stay as busy as possible doing anything. Get physical if you can, join a gym or something of that nature because as someone who also suffers from depression, exercise is extremely important to helping elevate your mood.

 

My ex dumped me several times and each time it broke my heart. I don't have a lot of friends and i get lonely a lot but i still try and do as much as i can. Getting out of the house even for a walk is better than staying inside.

 

Just make sure you eat right, get good sleep, and push yourself everyday. You will get there i promise you! This site has helped me a lot as well. I am here if you ever need someone to talk to! Take care, oh, and noone is ever out of your league!

[Vikki_26]

Today ive been having a real big urge to contact him. Just to talk to him online. Missing him so much. I dont really want a relationship with him deep down. I know it wouldnt work. But dont know if i could handle hearing him say what his been up to..

 

thoughts on this anyone?

[youngnlove89]

Today ive been having a real big urge to contact him. Just to talk to him online. Missing him so much. I dont really want a relationship with him deep down. I know it wouldnt work. But dont know if i could handle hearing him say what his been up to..

 

thoughts on this anyone?

 

 

I have the urge to contact my ex also. But the thing is they left us, even though I technically broke up with him, he in a way lead me down that road. They were the one's who didn't want us the same way. Everyday they don't contact us is another day that they are okay with the idea of living without us. They know what we want. But they also know that we aren't what they want.

 

I actually think it's really mature of your ex to not contact you. At least he isn't playing games with your heart, he is letting you move on. Mine on the other hand, will contact me in a week or less and he will continue to play with my feelings. I'm his puppet.

 

You don't want to hear what he has been up to. Because I'm sure he is happy and moving along just fine. Do you want to hear that? No, because even as much as you say you don't want a relationship with him, you know you do. You know you would take him back if he asked. But he won't.

[Vikki_26]

I really dont know if I would take him back any more. As his broken my trust and made me ill.

 

I dont know what I want, I suppose just to hear how his doing. He wanted to stay friends and I said I need time to heal. That was only 10 days ago. He hasnt spoken to be since apart from tell me about a friend who lost her mum, and that he was sorry to text me that. I suppose ill just be even more hurt if I talk to him. Just reaaallly miss him. More of me knows now I cant and couldnt have him for my own health and sanity of myself and others. His not the right person for me, I know that now. I also dont want a relationship for along time as I need to work on my issues. I suppose I just wanted to catch up with him. ask how his family are, tell him about me being signed off and seeing the therapist. And ask what fun things his been up to? But I guess that could lead me feeling utterly **** again as he would be getting up to so much more better things than I. So yeah maybe I should just resist the urge. Just hard, as I am nosey and wanna see what his been up to!!

[youngnlove89]

I really dont know if I would take him back any more. As his broken my trust and made me ill.

 

I dont know what I want, I suppose just to hear how his doing. He wanted to stay friends and I said I need time to heal. That was only 10 days ago. He hasnt spoken to be since apart from tell me about a friend who lost her mum, and that he was sorry to text me that. I suppose ill just be even more hurt if I talk to him. Just reaaallly miss him. More of me knows now I cant and couldnt have him for my own health and sanity of myself and others. His not the right person for me, I know that now. I also dont want a relationship for along time as I need to work on my issues. I suppose I just wanted to catch up with him. ask how his family are, tell him about me being signed off and seeing the therapist. And ask what fun things his been up to? But I guess that could lead me feeling utterly **** again as he would be getting up to so much more better things than I. So yeah maybe I should just resist the urge. Just hard, as I am nosey and wanna see what his been up to!!

 

 

to be honest, I'm sure he is wondering how you are too. both of you spent a lot of time together, he surely didn't forget about you. he is just giving you space right now. continue to take that space. give it a little while more. when you know you can fully handle hearing how everything is going on his life, then you can contact him. that might not be for awhile. i want to know how my ex is doing too. but i know right now I can't handle being able to talk to him without missing him. we just need time.

[Vikki_26]

Thank you, yeah just so tough, if I speak with him it will spark a huge fire in my heart of missing him I know. I just wish someone else would tell me what his up to without me having to speak to him. Then I question why do I need to know what his been doing? But Ive always been like that, pretty sad I guess. Hard habit to break. Just feel a bit lonely, no one to share stuff with. I;m interested in his life, he always does such amazing stuff. But hearing that I guess could make me realise even more what I wont ever have again. I thought about asking a mutual friend what his put on facebook but i dont want it looking like I am desperate and then they may not feel comfortable in doing that. So I have resisted so far. Just really miss my best friend. I dont miss the arguments and how he made me feel and how his rubbed off on to me in a bad way. But just miss his company, chatting.

 

I know I couldnt meet up with him, seeing his gorgeous self would cripple me inside. But just having a little chat say on msn would feed my obsession with wanting the contact. But then all my hard work of no contact would be broken. I dont want to go back to square one, but will I? I might just be okay? Its a gamble isnt it. I know I couldnt never go out with him again as much as I love him. Too much damage has been done. I cant trust him ever again that he would do this to me again. Plus he doesnt give me the security and love that I desired. He didnt make me feel like the only girl in the world. Which is what I want. I just miss not having my best friend.

[Drseussgrrl]

No you don't want to hear what he's up to. This will set you WAY BACK. Trust me - you don't want to know how much fun he's having without you. You can't handle it right now.

 

And you CERTAINLY don't want him to know that you have been so depressed that you can't go to work and seeing a therapist. Do you want him to feel sorry for you? HELL NO YOU DON'T.

 

This urge to contact will come and go and I know you miss him. Every time you get the urge just post here and there will be others here to talk you off the ledge. And every day that goes by that you aren't groveling for snippets of attention from him, you will feel that much more proud of yourself. You can't see it now but in time you will be SO GLAD you stuck to your guns and maintained your dignity.

[Vikki_26]

Thanks, I feel soo close to contacting. I guess the pain might make me hate him more and myself for not getting on with my life to the full like he is?

 

I know for a fact I wouldnt be begging him back like last time. I know were over. For good. Trust has all gone. My family hate him. I hate him partly too. I know for a fact I wouldnt want to see him face to face for a very long time. Im not ready for that. I also dont want any texts or anything. Just msn chat. I miss him as a friend. But guess I got to fight this as I cant give in to this. As you cant all be wrong and me right. Youve read what ive said and advise not to have a chat to him about other stuff (nothing to do with relationship) As I dont want one. Ahh so hard!

[youngnlove89]

Thanks, I feel soo close to contacting. I guess the pain might make me hate him more and myself for not getting on with my life to the full like he is?

 

I know for a fact I wouldnt be begging him back like last time. I know were over. For good. Trust has all gone. My family hate him. I hate him partly too. I know for a fact I wouldnt want to see him face to face for a very long time. Im not ready for that. I also dont want any texts or anything. Just msn chat. I miss him as a friend. But guess I got to fight this as I cant give in to this. As you cant all be wrong and me right. Youve read what ive said and advise not to have a chat to him about other stuff (nothing to do with relationship) As I dont want one. Ahh so hard!

 

 

Keep those thoughts the way they are. The first time you contact him, you will want him back! I know, I've been here. I thought by talking to him I could just be friendly and that's it, but as soon as I heard his voice, I wanted him back! I was fine until I contacted him and then we hung out and then I was back at square one and worse than before. Just stay strong.

[Vikki_26]

Thanks, oh there is no way I could hear his voice, see him, see his face online or anything. Only way I could talk to him is with text on a computer screen. Nothing more. But I will try and fight this. Unblocked his mum and sister on facebook and that hurts, just seeing their comments on other peoples statuses. Even though im not their friends I can see their comments. So will probably block them again when I can.