SpinScratch Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Me and my girlfriend have been together for 7 months. We've had ups and Downs but mostly everything is good. We currently live together in my home. Without getting to graphic, when we first met we talked a lot about sex and she admitted that she "swallowed" with previous parteners. This does not bother me except for that fact that she never does this act with me. Even after I pointed out that it bothers me that she wont do for me what she has done for other men. After months of this bothering me, and many recent heated arguements, she still has not done it. I have found this to be such a slap in the face to me and such a blow to my ego, that she refuses to do something to me that she has done for other men, that I am an inch away from ending the relationship and she is well aware. She is very distraught over me threatening to end it but still willnot give me a reason why she wont perform the act... I just can't hold on to a girl who has given herself to other men in a way that she will not do for me... am I over reacting?? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 You're not overreacting at all. I'm surprised you've stayed with her that long after the issue was first brought up. Has she given you any reason why she won't do that with you? Sexual compatibility is just as fundamental as any other basic compatibility. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenAnna Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Me and my girlfriend have been together for 7 months. We've had ups and Downs but mostly everything is good. We currently live together in my home. Without getting to graphic, when we first met we talked a lot about sex and she admitted that she "swallowed" with previous parteners. This does not bother me except for that fact that she never does this act with me. Even after I pointed out that it bothers me that she wont do for me what she has done for other men. After months of this bothering me, and many recent heated arguements, she still has not done it. I have found this to be such a slap in the face to me and such a blow to my ego, that she refuses to do something to me that she has done for other men, that I am an inch away from ending the relationship and she is well aware. She is very distraught over me threatening to end it but still willnot give me a reason why she wont perform the act... I just can't hold on to a girl who has given herself to other men in a way that she will not do for me... am I over reacting?? Besides the swallowing, are you sexually satisfied in the relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Besides the swallowing, are you sexually satisfied in the relationship? The problem is that even if he was otherwise sexually satisfied, he'll always have this bullet loaded in the gun the next time he feels unhappy with any aspect of the relationship. And so what happens the next time this issue comes up? Sweep it under the rug again...? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenAnna Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Not at all, it's clearly disrespectful to refuse to do for you what she did with others. Ever considered that she hates swallowing? I tried it once and I disliked the taste and wouldn't do it ever again, not for my ex or any other man and if he can't respect my decision then he is obviously with me for the wrong reasons. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Ever considered that she hates swallowing? I tried it once and I disliked the taste and wouldn't do it ever again, not for my ex or any other man and if he can't respect my decision then he is obviously with me for the wrong reasons. Well, we don't know what her reason(s) are for not wanting to do it. And it's up to you whether he can get over the fact. If he can't, then it's within his right to say good day. It's no different from not wanting to date a smoker or a woman with kids. It's personal preference. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenAnna Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 The problem is that even if he was otherwise sexually satisfied, he'll always have this bullet loaded in the gun the next time he feels unhappy with any aspect of the relationship. And so what happens the next time this issue comes up? Sweep it under the rug again...? I find it to be very immature to leave someone for something so insignificant. Is OP there for the sex or the companionship? Cause it sounds like this relationship is solely based on sex and only his desires. Except for the part where she didn't do it once and then decided to never do it again. There's a difference between going down on a woman once and vowing to never go there again and doing it for all of your previous partners but refusing to do it with your current one. Is this a norm that people ask their partner about their sexual history and what acts they have performed with their previous partners? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 There's personal preference and then there's control issues. This is pointing towards personal insecurities manifesting as extreme partner control. Do break up with her since her preferences don't appear to matter to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I find it to be very immature to leave someone for something so insignificant. Is OP there for the sex or the companionship? Cause it sounds like this relationship is solely based on sex and only his desires. Again, it's a matter of personal preference and a difference in values. You don't place a very high value on certain aspects of sexual compatibility, or perhaps OP associates that sexual act with a high level of intimacy that he wants. You seem to be projecting your own beliefs and values on others and expecting them to share those very same beliefs and values; otherwise, they are "very immature." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Does it matter? What matters is that they've talked about it and she's done things for other men she now refuses to do for the OP. And yes, sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship.No promises were made to the OP. She tried it and obviously disliked it, hence why she's no longer willing to do it. This part is so blatant, even a monkey could figure it out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 There's personal preference and then there's control issues. This is pointing towards personal insecurities manifesting as extreme partner control. Not sure where you're reading extreme partner control manifested in the OP...or did you accessorize the OP with that...? Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenAnna Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Okay I think we all can agree to disagree, however we all agree on OP breaking up with her.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Which is why im recommending he doesn't tolerate this level of disrespect.It's disrespectful to refuse to do something you tried in the past and disliked? We're talking about human beings here, not forcing animals to perform tricks for people's entertainment. Not sure where you're reading extreme partner control manifested in the OP...or did you accessorize the OP with that...? Swallowing is about controlling her body, wanting her to be your personal cum dumpster when she doesn't want to do it. How nutbar is that? Imagine that you allowed an ex to shove an 8" dildo up your ass. Imagine that you disliked it. Imagine someone breaking up with you because you refuse to allow her to do so, for her own pleasure. How selfish and lacking in empathy can people get, over trivialities? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpinScratch Posted August 12, 2012 Author Share Posted August 12, 2012 To answer some questions... she has always said that she hates doing it. But she has done it for others on numerous occassions. Our sex life is great otherwise. But she will not give me a legitimate reason why she wont do it to me. Its not even that big of deal to me. Its the principle of it. She wont even let "it" get in her mouth with me.... so what do these other men have that I don't? She can do it for a one night stand but not for the man she loves? Even when faced with losing him? If she did it for me once my insecurities about this would go away. All this has been explained to her. She is now begging for me not to leave her, when all I am asking for is the same treatment her previous partners received... even its only once. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenAnna Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 threebyfate^ What she said! lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 she has always said that she hates doing it. when it wasn't a problem with any of your former partners, yes.Refer to above. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadredtx Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I am more curious about why she felt the need to tell you that she had swallowed with previous partners, then refused to do so with you. Unless she stated "I did this with John and hated it, so I don't do it anymore", the mere act of telling you is blatantly passive aggressive and disrespectful, and reeks of rubbing it in your face, so to speak. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Swallowing is about controlling her body, wanting her to be your personal cum dumpster when she doesn't want to do it. How nutbar is that? Imagine that you allowed an ex to shove an 8" dildo up your ass. Imagine that you disliked it. Imagine someone breaking up with you because you refuse to allow her to do so, for her own pleasure. How selfish and lacking in empathy can people get, over trivialities? But "controlling" implies actual control, so she would have at least swallowed by now, right? If not, how does he have control? And if someone breaks up with me, I've learned long ago that reasons are completely irrelevant and inconsequential. Her breaking up with me is all I need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
David84 Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 A previous ex and I were unbelievably sexually comparable. Her drive and desires were wilder than mine. The relationship failed after two years. I vowed to not get in another relationship without that passion. I did with my most recent ex. She was never into sex. Always a chore. At first it was ok, would wear sexy undies. The odd bj. But it seemed like she was doing it only for me. She admitted at 25, to have never had and orgasm nor masturbated. As things cooled down we would have arguments about lack of BJ, she said it made her feel like puking, no reason, my hygiene is A+. She would never communicate how or why we weren't working towards her achieving an orgasm. She would stop my oral or manual stimulation when she was in my mind at least "getting close" never gave an explanation why after 3 years. Sex is very important. It hurt my ego because I didn't understand what was going on in her head. We were awesome outside the bedroom but I felt like there was no clothes ripping off passion. When she moved in she rarely got wet and layed on her stomach Saturday mornings just to get it out of the and let me **** her. Now that's a dead bedroom. I got sick of talking about it. Started resenting her for not growing with me. I wanted her to enjoy it with me. It made me stop waiting on her hand and foot because the passion wasn't there. I understand it sounds petty, swallowing or not, but it's about the physical connection and the desire to be wanted and to satisfy. Funny thing is, when we where breaking up we had the best **** of our relationship. Overtly turned on, forcefull BJ (no signs of puking), tons of passion and dirty talking. Thats all I ever wanted and I would have done EVERYTHING to keep her happy since she was trying to keep me happy. Oh well, my two cents. Need passion in a relationship. It helps to know she will be dead with her next guy too, she told me its been an issue in previous relationships too. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 But "controlling" implies actual control, so she would have at least swallowed by now, right? If not, how does he have control? And if someone breaks up with me, I've learned long ago that reasons are completely irrelevant and inconsequential. Her breaking up with me is all I need to know.He's threatening to break up with her if she won't do it. How much more coercive can one get in a relationship and all over something as petty as swallowing, which she hates to do. People really need to get over themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I understand it sounds petty, swallowing or not, but it's about the physical connection and the desire to be wanted and to satisfy. This is exactly it. It's not about control or feeling objectified. It's about the mutual desire to please and satisfy the other. If you feel there is something that you can't do or don't want to do that would make the other happy, then you have a simple incompatibility. It's up to the couple to decide whether compromise is in order, or separation. Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 He's threatening to break up with her if she won't do it. How much more coercive can one get in a relationship and all over something as petty as swallowing, which she hates to do. People really need to get over themselves. Along with what David said, have you ever felt so strongly about someone that you would do anything to satisfy and/or please them? And more importantly, have you met anyone (i.e., hubby) that feels so strongly about you that he'd do anything to satisfy and/or please you? Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Along with what David said, have you ever felt so strongly about someone that you would do anything to satisfy and/or please them? And more importantly, have you met anyone (i.e., hubby) that feels so strongly about you that he'd do anything to satisfy and/or please you?I'd never, ever expect someone to do anything that they dislike doing in the bedroom. That negates trust and respect which are key to orgasm. And people wonder why so many women can't orgasm. The entitlement of some people over completely petty crap is beyond belief. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I'd never, ever expect someone to do anything that they dislike doing in the bedroom. That negates trust and respect which are key to orgasm. And people wonder why so many women can't orgasm. The entitlement of some people over completely petty crap is beyond belief. Again, limited perspective. I guess you can't imagine the level of trust, respect, and intimacy required for a no-holds-barred sexual experience...just think what that level of trust could do for the orgasm... Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Again, limited perspective. I guess you can't imagine the level of trust, respect, and intimacy required for a no-holds-barred sexual experience...just think what that level of trust could do for the orgasm...So if a woman wanted to shove that 8" dildo painfully up your arse even though you hated it, this would be fun for you? Link to post Share on other sites
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