Borderline Personality Disorder?

[HarmonyInDisonance]

I tried to respond to questions, but was given a message telling me a mod must review my post. I wonder why I do not believe I have broken the TOS... Well I hope not, lol.

[Mack05]

I tried to respond to questions, but was given a message telling me a mod must review my post. I wonder why I do not believe I have broken the TOS... Well I hope not, lol.

 

Yeah I get this a lot. Accused of some pretty strange things to. Mods pretty sensitive around here..

[dreamingoftigers]

I think the way I do about this topic, because far too frequently do I come across people who simply will not take responsibility for their actions. IMHO it is very simple: people with BPD are perfectly well aware of what they are doing, do downright awful things and should be held accountable.

 

Again, we are not talking about people with schizophrenia. You know what you are doing. Knowledge makes you responsible. It is far too easy for everyone involved to point at "the disorder".

.

 

It's REALLY difficult to properly explain and illustrate it to someone who does not have the disorder.

 

What we do is perceived very differently from what we FEEL other do to us.

 

Since having EMDR, my literal physical and emotional perception has changed drastically. Having an imbalance is the prefrontal cortex that doesn't allow for consistently rational thinking is intensely painful and quite debilitating.

 

It feels like going to war everyday and dodging projectiles. You DO feel that people moving closer or further away is like getting sliced into or getting sliced open. Everything is RAW, regularly. Its like having third degree burns on your emotional core. If you touch someone who has those open, blistered burns they are going to react in a very sensitive manner. It will be intensely painful even though it could be the same touch a normal person would find soft or even comforting.

 

Beyond that, what makes it worse is knowing that SOMETHING is wrong but not realizing that it is you very perception and not the outside world aiming missiles directly at you.

 

The crazy actions that you do in return are in your own mind defensive and have a milder effect than whatever slight (real or imagined) did to you.

 

Most people have trouble objectively seeing their own actions but the imbalance (usually trauma-caused) in the PFC literally FUELS this perceptual error. It AMPLIFIES the actions of others and NULLIFIES your own.

 

Honestly, most BPDs try to manipulate the environment around them to try to stabilize themselves I internally. It's SURVIVAL. Not purposeful, destructive belligerence. Most BPDs feel like they are just getting by, also realizing that by not stabilizing the environment around them, that often the emotional flooding is so intense that many of us try to kill ourselves to numb the pain either permanently or at least through the attempt.

 

Since having treatment I have dealt with extreme life issues since then and NOTHING has brought me anywhere close to the emotional flooding that I had pre-treatment on a regular basis.

 

I haven't felt suicidal in 8 years. A date gone wrong could trigger the flooding whereas today (post-treatment) having my marriage crumble, losing a business, returning to school, and having very painful circumstances regarding my daughter haven't even brought up a minor resurgence of those issues.

 

With a balanced PFC, I can very much bond with people calmly and happily. I can be alone by myself without being scared that I might get triggered to commit suicide.

 

Before, my environment really wasn't all that bad (objectively speaking) and _I_ was falling apart.

 

Now, having been through Hell the past four years, my environment was falling apart and I didn't!

 

And I didn't lose my own internal peace and happiness. With an unbalanced brain that is IMPOSSIBLE.

 

Dismissing mental illness is foolish and ridiculous. It also causes more shame and harm to those already struggling to 'right' themselves.

 

They should just "behave" even though there are obvious, serious perceptual obstacles to doing so. Otherwise they are inconvenient and shouldn't be given any credence.

[Downtown]

I tried to respond to questions, but was given a message telling me a mod must review my post. I wonder why.

Harmony, it likely is because you quoted my previous message, which contained so many references to other forums that the forum's software program automatically flagged it for review by a moderator. That's why my last post was delayed, appearing several hours after I had actually posted it this morning. Hence, it likely was my text, not yours, that caused the problem. If so, your post likely will show up when a moderator has time to review it.

[Nyla]

Harmony, do you have a library nearby? Maybe you can get some books on BPD. It also helps to be around people who are uplifting and encouraging. Getting away from my parents and that abusive older guy helped immensely.

 

My therapist when I was 20 helped me draw up a scale of my emotional responses. From 0-6, I had to put down signs that I was not doing well so that I could learn to catch my symptoms before they led to cutting or attempting suicide. Journaling has also been my saving grace. I have more than 30 hardcover notebooks filled with my feelings over the years. If you like to write, keeping a journal can be helpful.

[HarmonyInDisonance]

What we do is perceived very differently from what we FEEL other do to us.

 

True. Maybe I've been a little harsh with my self. I just feel like being as aware of it as I am makes me completely to blame. I grew up hearing that a lot of things were my fault, but I am gonna have to keep my approach the same for now.

 

I am feeling much better as of about an hour ago. Might even sleep tonight.

 

I will say that I only took the BPD diagnosis seriously very recently. I am just trying to use what I have at my disposal. Learning about bipolar helped me to deal with it. Medication also helped. Thank God I am seeing a counselor at a free mental health clinic in a nearby town now. They have nothing to offer for BPD, but I am trying to learn some things along with my counselor. I am really trying to cooperate and be NICE. I know I have a tendency to piss off practically anyone, when pushed. I almost never instigate, but often overreact, or misconstrue. These misunderstandings have blown into things that sound like a Dean Koontz novel.

 

Thanks for the advice everyone.

 

When my earlier post finally pops up I will check back. I am thinking of starting a thread. I have never, ever, ever done this before, but I am interested in sharing some of my work. Since people here seem to be smart and, above all else, able to maintain a sensible dialog, I think you may find it interesting.

 

I think it is possible for emotions to be quantified... into joules. I think I'm spelling that right. Anyway. It's a long story, but I think it is possible and have been researching for a long time. The results and thus resulting theories, are at least to me, fascinating.

 

 

Also will check out that book. To answer another question real fast. There is a library, but it is a little to far away. Gas money is kinda, well non-existent. I can however see how much that book costs. I kinda just went into what we had left at the moment for some nifty cameras with night lenses. Thinking about patrolling once a night around here myself also. Police said they would have patrols around the house. Since I was up all night last night I sort of noticed there was not one. He said every night for awhile...nice I have learned a great deal of what I know out of necessity, I'll learn to be our own cop. Between the Army and studying security, I think I can make this place much safer. For now I am focusing on that.

[HarmonyInDisonance]

So I guess mods work on Easter! Bravo on the dedication, but I totally could've waited until Monday lol. That is something though really.

 

My post from before went up.

[Emilia]

I am thinking of starting a thread. I have never, ever, ever done this before, but I am interested in sharing some of my work. Since people here seem to be smart and, above all else, able to maintain a sensible dialog, I think you may find it interesting.

 

I would like to read it if you start a thread, a few of us would, even just those that lurk rather than post I think.

[Emilia]

I am afraid this is just an excuse. I am grown, I factually KNOW what is right and wrong. Even if, as current research suggests, my emotions can be as much as 50 times more intense than other peoples, IT STILL DOES NOT MATTER. I know when I am hurting people, not matter how sorry you may feel for me I am still exactly DECIDING to throw you under the bus to save myself. Excuses can be made for a thief that steals food, but what about if he does it 50 times and never looks for a job. He does it because it is easier. Easier that humbling yourself and begging, easier than trying to hunt or fish, easier than trying to make amends and get support to find a job. See my point here?

 

I can't match Dreamingoftigers' eloquent post and I don't have BPD so I can only write about what I understand from the outside and how I perceive this.

 

There is no excuse for the intention but there is excuse for the motivation. I know when my ex is vicious he wants to punish. I do understand that, it's obvious. However thinking long and hard about what he has said to me over the last four and half years that I have known him (stopped dating him a long time ago) it has always been about what is personal to him, never about what is personal to me.

 

Since I worked out what he is projecting (ie how he thinks I perceive him), it does not feel that he is throwing me under the bus. It is to save himself and to protect his ego absolutely, but it is never about me. He knows what I feel insecure about and he has never used that against me. In my experience when someone wants to manipulate you they will work out what you are sensitive about and throw little missiles or neg hits to wear you down. He has never ever done anything like that to me, he has never ever even raised his voice at me.

 

This is why I make the distinction between attacking to manipulate and attacking to defend the ego/project. This is why it is easy for me to feel compassion more than anything else and this is why I don't believe that BPD defines a person.

[dreamingoftigers]

A large chunk of BPD-predisposition cones from childhood experience etc.

 

A great deal of us have confirmed abuse in our pasts. This usually falls on two ends of the spectrum: having everything done for us constantly or having to do more than a child should and being deprived of praise but subjected to fault and criticism constantly.

 

The first sends the message:

 

1. You are incompetent and can't be independent. You are incapable and/or a constant burden.

 

The second type sends the message:

 

2. Try as hard as you can, but you will never succeed. You are incompetent

and/or unlikeable and/or incapable.

 

I was a member of the second camp. I don't ever recall meeting a member of the first camp BUT according to the literature, they are out there.

 

The closest thing I can equate it to is growing up in a prison during your formative years and then being released back into society. You expectations and reality are completely warped and it's really difficult to navigate partially because life IS different outside those prison walls.

 

And life is really hard to get around in with perceptual difficulties, the emotional maturity of a two-year old (if that, I look back and see things that are practically infantile, but I was abandoned by my mother in infancy. My grandmother raised me from 3 months to 7 years. Than she left me with my mother and father, which pretty much sealed my fate.)

 

If a man was falsely accused of a crime and went to prison for 20 years and got released, we wouldn't expect that man to adjust to normal life right away, if at all. Yet we expect people in BPD-producing environments to "straighten up and fly right" the second they leave their parent's home. Then society Shane the mentally ill and, frankly, specifically BPD people. BPD tends to be the dumping ground for "my EX is crazy."

 

Half the people on Loveshack have either these BPD or NPD exes after they looked at a list of symptoms on the Internet and now they are on here looking for advice on 'how long until they come back?' and 'should we still be friends?'

 

LOL!

 

(I'm not saying you ex wasn't BPD, it just seems that the correlation between as LS member and a BPD/NPD ex is really high. Perhaps there should be a task force dedicated to testing the exes of LS members to get them help. I can just see some grizzled old sergeant waiting for another "my bf hooked up with a girl at a party and he says he doesn't want to get back together with me and it's all that bitch's fault but he's NPD anyway so what do I do, I love him?" type thread. I can just see the screen pop up and him readying the force to jump out an airplane somewhere in rural Idaho. "PRIVATE! We've got a live one!")

 

Sorry, I haven't taken my ADD meds yet this morning

 

Anyhow: I have a three-year old daughter. I can honestly say that prior to treatment I had less emotional maturity and processing ability than her at the age of two. And frankly, she had more empathy at the age of two than my husband did when he was on active addiction. I am not exaggerating in either case. She's also really cute, and that's great as well

 

I am so glad I received treatment!

 

 

I can't match Dreamingoftigers' eloquent post and I don't have BPD so I can only write about what I understand from the outside and how I perceive this.

 

There is no excuse for the intention but there is excuse for the motivation. I know when my ex is vicious he wants to punish. I do understand that, it's obvious. However thinking long and hard about what he has said to me over the last four and half years that I have known him (stopped dating him a long time ago) it has always been about what is personal to him, never about what is personal to me.

 

Since I worked out what he is projecting (ie how he thinks I perceive him), it does not feel that he is throwing me under the bus. It is to save himself and to protect his ego absolutely, but it is never about me. He knows what I feel insecure about and he has never used that against me. In my experience when someone wants to manipulate you they will work out what you are sensitive about and throw little missiles or neg hits to wear you down. He has never ever done anything like that to me, he has never ever even raised his voice at me.

 

This is why I make the distinction between attacking to manipulate and attacking to defend the ego/project. This is why it is easy for me to feel compassion more than anything else and this is why I don't believe that BPD defines a person.

[HarmonyInDisonance]

I just want to say again I appreciate everyone's input. And I do mean everyone's. I am much better today. Finally got some sleep. Do to the recent disturbances of late, I decided to spend some money we did not have and get some security around here. Got night lenses on all means of ingress. I can even just detach a mobile screen and use it to sneak up on them. I can see them, they can't see me, just like when I was 19-delta. If your gonna decide to torment someone you better make sure they're not crazier than you. Being trained in infiltration and recon I know that when you are aware of a threat you put up a screen line. Then it's a matter of see first attack first.

 

IF I really wanted to I could tap into the motion detector's circuit and use it as a trigger line. Rig up some small actuators and a spring loaded hammer. The way the motion detector is activated makes it possible use the center of the screen as a targeting recticul. Rig up some bean bag shells, and voila. Bad day for the sucker that walks through that line of sight. Shoot, I could even rig up a rudimentary claymore or two.

 

By if I really wanted too, I really mean that I am afraid the kids or dog would somehow end up taking a beanbag spread. I am pretty sure that's gonna cause the wife to deduct my remaining sex points for life! So no Magiver today kids.

 

At any rate I am looking into books now. I wish I could do DBT, but oh well. I am waiting for social security on my third attempt. I don't know just what the heck they consider sever, but if being involuntarily 9 times since age 21 isn't enough then, damn I just don't know...

 

The plan is to get SSA and then hopefully some sort of DBT. I don't want to be on it for life. I had dreams too; ya know. I wanted a phd. I wanted to be the first to do studies on the phenomenon that causes sub-atomic experiment to produce slightly different results depending upon a human observer. I wanted to use real time brain imaging to attempt to isolate what sections of the brain are lit up during that observation and see if we can't find a commonality among different subjects and the result brainwave pattern produced. If my guess that if we can learn to train these areas of the brain, to find what triggers such sub-atomic deviations. If we can then things like telekinesis might be a real possibility. Hell who knows,but their I go again. This is why I just need to start a thread later.

 

I'll say it again, I could just die in a lab. Give me coffee and a submerged super computer with about 300 TFLOPS of computational power and you'd see the happiest crazy person you've ever met!

 

Also JLC I am glad you started this thread. I found something here I was not looking for, Smart people.

[M30USA]

I don't know if it is allowed, but just in case anyone is doubting this macabre story, I can post images of the porch, the door, even My dog's body. I say again stay away. And if someone is daring enough, if you really want to know if it is "really that bad", then you have but to ask and I will post the pics. Otherwise I will spare everyone the horror. I know it's kinda messed up, but I think if some pictures scare the God fearing **** out of at least one person and they are sparred this, then it's worth everyone's sensibilities.

 

And I apologize for my grammar and would normally go back and edit it, but I am just too tired to care. Maybe later.

 

Now I seriously have to go bury my poor dog. Weather would not allow until now.

 

God bless

 

Gosh, Harmony, what kind of destruction and damage did YOU cause her to unleash? You should be ashamed of yourself! (Sarcasm.)

[M30USA]

For some reason BPDers tend in general to be quite attractive..

 

100% agreed. And I have concluded it happens for 2 synergistic reasons:

 

1) Those who are born attractive naturally wind up acting more arrogant and self-centered because they need to "fend off" many unwanted advances. (And they can easily get away with it.)

 

2) When a person has BPD, they tend to be more motivated to increase their beauty beyond what it naturally is AND to a degree beyond that which most healthy people do. It's almost like they need to "one up" other women and feel like the hottest one in the room.

 

Put together, these 2 reasons are why I believe your observation is true.

[Downtown]

I just need to start a thread later.

Great idea, Harmony! I suggest that, when you do, you begin by repeating several of the long posts you made here. They provide important background information.

[M30USA]

On this day, April the first in the year two-thousand and thirteen, I hereby bestow upon Downtown an honorary PhD for his knowledge of Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

Thank you, Downtown. You have helped me greatly to understand what has happened in my life.

[dreamingoftigers]

100% agreed. And I have concluded it happens for 2 synergistic reasons:

 

1) Those who are born attractive naturally wind up acting more arrogant and self-centered because they need to "fend off" many unwanted advances. (And they can easily get away with it.)

 

2) When a person has BPD, they tend to be more motivated to increase their beauty beyond what it naturally is AND to a degree beyond that which most healthy people do. It's almost like they need to "one up" other women and feel like the hottest one in the room.

 

Put together, these 2 reasons are why I believe your observation is true.

 

I think that a different factor nay be at play as well.

 

To be quite frank, I've never remained single long. Even when it is completely obvious I was screwed up.

 

A memorable occasion was coming back from a guy's house after he dumped me. I got in the cab and bawled my eyes out.

 

The cab driver asked me out and we dated for a bit!

 

He was also one crazy critter. Stage 5 clinger. It didn't last long.

 

BUT I think for a decent percentage of guys there's a sense of "this girl is so lost, but she's so sweet. I'm going to be her hero!"

 

Plus there's the fact that Borderlines are constantly craving that deep, merging acceptance from others to fill the internal void.

 

So when we are feeling alone/vulnerable, we hang off. Your. Every. Word.

 

As well there is a certain almost chameleon-like pattern we follow. "oh you like that? That's so cool. I can like that. I'm up for anything as long as it's together." So you've got a woman that's super-into you and super-into the stuff you like! What's not to like?

 

Of course, she's really looking for that paradise that she believes is unconditional acceptance and true love. Where you can practically read her mind because you guys are "so in sync."

 

I know of course from my arrested emotional development that I come across (in person) as being much younger than I am often.

 

I have thought in little-girl ways for so long that some of the mannerisms adopted around that are hard to recognize and to replace.

 

I know I still surprise people that suspect I am a pushover due to that nature. I am very firm and straight on what I am willing/not willing to deliver. But I never (at least in person) slice into anyone.

 

So your typical Borderline, because of the imbalances PFC will oscillate between really really white and really really black.

 

When things are good, they are FANTASTIC. like they could never be anything else! And a borderline will almost always see a new relationship (a hope for paradise) in that way. Everything will be great, awesome, always!

 

And men are usually attracted to happy women.

 

Plus IMHO Borderlines tend to hit the sheets faster and more often. Sex isn't quite about intimacy. It's about feeling good, solidifying the relationship, and merging, merging, merging with the other person.

 

Now, it's when a Borderline realizes that you are not the utterly perfect mirror that reflects back what they want to see the trouble starts.

[HarmonyInDisonance]

I think that a different factor nay be at play as well.

 

To be quite frank, I've never remained single long. Even when it is completely obvious I was screwed up.

 

A memorable occasion was coming back from a guy's house after he dumped me. I got in the cab and bawled my eyes out.

 

The cab driver asked me out and we dated for a bit!

 

He was also one crazy critter. Stage 5 clinger. It didn't last long.

 

BUT I think for a decent percentage of guys there's a sense of "this girl is so lost, but she's so sweet. I'm going to be her hero!"

 

Plus there's the fact that Borderlines are constantly craving that deep, merging acceptance from others to fill the internal void.

 

So when we are feeling alone/vulnerable, we hang off. Your. Every. Word.

 

As well there is a certain almost chameleon-like pattern we follow. "oh you like that? That's so cool. I can like that. I'm up for anything as long as it's together." So you've got a woman that's super-into you and super-into the stuff you like! What's not to like?

 

Of course, she's really looking for that paradise that she believes is unconditional acceptance and true love. Where you can practically read her mind because you guys are "so in sync."

 

I know of course from my arrested emotional development that I come across (in person) as being much younger than I am often.

 

I have thought in little-girl ways for so long that some of the mannerisms adopted around that are hard to recognize and to replace.

 

I know I still surprise people that suspect I am a pushover due to that nature. I am very firm and straight on what I am willing/not willing to deliver. But I never (at least in person) slice into anyone.

 

So your typical Borderline, because of the imbalances PFC will oscillate between really really white and really really black.

 

When things are good, they are FANTASTIC. like they could never be anything else! And a borderline will almost always see a new relationship (a hope for paradise) in that way. Everything will be great, awesome, always!

 

And men are usually attracted to happy women.

 

Plus IMHO Borderlines tend to hit the sheets faster and more often. Sex isn't quite about intimacy. It's about feeling good, solidifying the relationship, and merging, merging, merging with the other person.

 

Now, it's when a Borderline realizes that you are not the utterly perfect mirror that reflects back what they want to see the trouble starts.

 

 

That is right on. I'm a guy, but it works the same way for me. In fact the first validation I got as a human being came from girls. Their advances took me completely by surprise. At some point they just noticed me. So, I had sex way before I even really wanted too. Teenagers, being the way they are, gave me instant gratification. No longer was I just that nerdy guy, I was that nerdy guy that somehow effortlessly saw lots of action. I remember my first time I really just did not want to do it, but I hid it. I actually never enjoyed sex until I was about 22. This was after being active for waaay longer than I should have been. The process of desensitization took a chunk of me away for good. I felt used and empty, but hey at least everyone thought I was cool.

 

I ended up dumbing myself down. Got into drugs, again for the acceptance. To make matters worse for some reason people thought the things I did when I lost it were just awesome... Basically I got very negative reinforcement for being smart, and very positive reinforcement for being a nut job of a total rake!

 

I recognize this as a good reason to make sure I pay attention to my kids. I don't want them lacking for my affection and praise. If they do not get it from us they will get it elsewhere. My wife and I both had pretty terrible childhoods. Both of us abused, both violently and sexually. The bright side is that we know how vital it is to LET your kids trust you. Somehow they are turning out wonderfully so far. I always to try to explain things. As in everything. Their mother is constantly explaining spiritual things and manners and such. So they get a constant theme of equal logic and compassion. I think they have also seen that I will protect them with my life. Especially lately. MY wife was out there with me too. She's a fighter. She is the kind of woman who would run into danger to help me rather than run. This honestly scares the crap out of me. I should take this time to mention I love my wife and kids. I never physically abuse them and I really try to walk away before verbally blowing up. Much of this is accomplished by turning it inward.

 

Well, I had better go. I hear the wife in the back of the house. It sounds like she's in the trenches taking grenades so I better get in there!

 

Forgive my grammar again, my keyboard needs new batteries.

[Emilia]

Then society Shane the mentally ill and, frankly, specifically BPD people. BPD tends to be the dumping ground for "my EX is crazy."

 

Half the people on Loveshack have either these BPD or NPD exes after they looked at a list of symptoms on the Internet and now they are on here looking for advice on 'how long until they come back?' and 'should we still be friends?'

 

LOL!

 

(I'm not saying you ex wasn't BPD, it just seems that the correlation between as LS member and a BPD/NPD ex is really high. Perhaps there should be a task force dedicated to testing the exes of LS members to get them help. I can just see some grizzled old sergeant waiting for another "my bf hooked up with a girl at a party and he says he doesn't want to get back together with me and it's all that bitch's fault but he's NPD anyway so what do I do, I love him?" type thread. I can just see the screen pop up and him readying the force to jump out an airplane somewhere in rural Idaho. "PRIVATE! We've got a live one!")

 

Sorry, I haven't taken my ADD meds yet this morning

 

Anyhow: I have a three-year old daughter. I can honestly say that prior to treatment I had less emotional maturity and processing ability than her at the age of two. And frankly, she had more empathy at the age of two than my husband did when he was on active addiction. I am not exaggerating in either case. She's also really cute, and that's great as well

 

I am so glad I received treatment!

 

Yes of course as it is a spectrum disorder and we all experience aspects of dysfunctional behaviour in ourselves and see it in other people. We all project after all and occasionally shut people out. Not even close to what splitting is like though. Once you experience that a handful of times you know you are dealing with something very different from an ex shouting at you on the phone and going quiet for a few days.

 

It's not so much about the label, it's the idea of being able to talk to people about a set of behaviour patterns that confuse the hell out of you, upset you and disturb you because you don't understand why the other person is so frikken weird and why consistently project the same thing over and over again. And why they keep shutting you out again and again and again when you haven't done anything wrong and never said anything hurtful.

 

The give away should be that you can't be friends with an ex who has BPD and that no matter how hard you try you can't get through. Which is just very sad.

 

I'm glad treatment works DoT.

[Emilia]

Plus there's the fact that Borderlines are constantly craving that deep, merging acceptance from others to fill the internal void.

 

So when we are feeling alone/vulnerable, we hang off. Your. Every. Word.

 

As well there is a certain almost chameleon-like pattern we follow. "oh you like that? That's so cool. I can like that. I'm up for anything as long as it's together." So you've got a woman that's super-into you and super-into the stuff you like! What's not to like?

 

Of course, she's really looking for that paradise that she believes is unconditional acceptance and true love. Where you can practically read her mind because you guys are "so in sync."

 

Yes, this is how my ex hooked me. Now I see it from a mile off and anyone attempting anything similar (I don't analyse whether they have a PD I just see the behaviour), I'm off. That has been an adjustment I can tell you because having a gorgeous, loving, slightly needy creature giving you so much love is the best feeling in the world.

 

So your typical Borderline, because of the imbalances PFC will oscillate between really really white and really really black.

 

When things are good, they are FANTASTIC. like they could never be anything else! And a borderline will almost always see a new relationship (a hope for paradise) in that way. Everything will be great, awesome, always!

 

And men are usually attracted to happy women.

 

Plus IMHO Borderlines tend to hit the sheets faster and more often. Sex isn't quite about intimacy. It's about feeling good, solidifying the relationship, and merging, merging, merging with the other person.

 

Now, it's when a Borderline realizes that you are not the utterly perfect mirror that reflects back what they want to see the trouble starts.

 

My experience at the other end, very much so. He would also go distant after sex each morning, he would always have somewhere to go as soon as possible. There was a point when he tried not staying the night bringing up work as a reason but I didn't stand for that.

 

What is PFC?

Edited April 2, 2013 by Emilia

[Emilia]

I think I'll have to stay out of this thread for a while, just brings back too many memories. I find personality disorders in general fascinating (hopefully that doesn't insult those that have them) but this particular conversation is disturbing me too much.

 

Good luck OP with your self improvement. Chat soon.

[carhill]

Behavior, including the impulses which result in the thoughts, tone and hand movements typing this posting, all result from electro-chemistry. As each of us are individuals, we are unique in our level of consciousness, self-awareness and style of prosecuting that base electro-chemistry into behavior and action/word. The brain is a large, complex and currently little understood organ which is the 'CEO' of nearly all we do as humans, the vast majority of which, mainly organism survival functions, goes on without our being consciously aware of it unless something goes wrong.

 

Someday, in our distant future, we can reflect upon these current, relatively primitive, times of brain science and contemplate how far we have come, both in understanding and 'treatment', just as we have over the centuries in other aspects of science and medicine. Today is today. It may be 'ugly', but it is real. Some people need help with their brains just like others need help with their hearts, lungs, livers or limbs, etc, etc. The difficulty is that the organ, being CEO of the organism, making the decision to seek help is the one with the problem. It may not make a decision that is in the organism's best interest, either for health or survival. Let's hope the science of the brain improves and can help such people to live happier and healthier lives.

[Emilia]

It may not make a decision that is in the organism's best interest, either for health or survival. Let's hope the science of the brain improves and can help such people to live happier and healthier lives.

 

Was going to stay away but saw that you posted. Very wise as always. The best way to see it I think.

[HarmonyInDisonance]

What is PFC?

 

pre frontal cortex I believe.

[dreamingoftigers]

Yes, this is how my ex hooked me. Now I see it from a mile off and anyone attempting anything similar (I don't analyse whether they have a PD I just see the behaviour), I'm off. That has been an adjustment I can tell you because having a gorgeous, loving, slightly needy creature giving you so much love is the best feeling in the world.

 

 

 

My experience at the other end, very much so. He would also go distant after sex each morning, he would always have somewhere to go as soon as possible. There was a point when he tried not staying the night bringing up work as a reason but I didn't stand for that.

 

What is PFC?

 

Yes, that's the other side of the coin, the fear when the BPD flips over to the other side of the track. The get put off by being too close even though they've drawn their partner so far in. They tip over and start roughly pushing them away.

 

You see, if it was always the sunshine & roses bit, it's unlikely there would be half the problems. In a sense, there wouldn't be as many problems if they were always pushing mates away and behaving badly because then very very few people would get involved to begin with.

 

But we (I used to) gently hook and tune right into a relationship. Than any sense of any flaw or crack would send me crying, pushing/pulling upset. Just meltdown.

 

Wasn't very good.

[M30USA]

Yes, that's the other side of the coin, the fear when the BPD flips over to the other side of the track. The get put off by being too close even though they've drawn their partner so far in. They tip over and start roughly pushing them away.

 

You see, if it was always the sunshine & roses bit, it's unlikely there would be half the problems. In a sense, there wouldn't be as many problems if they were always pushing mates away and behaving badly because then very very few people would get involved to begin with.

 

But we (I used to) gently hook and tune right into a relationship. Than any sense of any flaw or crack would send me crying, pushing/pulling upset. Just meltdown.

 

Wasn't very good.

 

Sounds like what my ex wife would do. She would do her best to drive me away by making my life miserable, violent and chaotic...but any time I would walk away or leave shed blame me for abandoning her when she needed me most. A man, no matter how strong, can only handle so much of this before he breaks.