Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Probably right I'm short and not all that attractive..oh well

 

Well how short and what do you mean by "not all that attractive"?

[guest569]

Yes, looks are important to me as a woman. I don't see what the revelation is?

 

Are you complaining about this fact, whilst complaining about fat women who show interest in you?

[endlessabyss]

Look, lets be real here, there are a ton of average guys on OLD getting dates. I've dated them, pretty much every woman on this site has dated them so this idea that you have to be a hot social superstar is ridiculous.

 

Frankly, many of the super hot, social guys don't even need to use OLD and they don't. Now if you're stereotypically but ass ugly? Yeah, of course you're going to struggle or have little - if any - success but there are a million guys out there who are neither super hot nor super ugly and lets not erase their existence of their success.

 

 

 

I don't know maneeeeeeee, I still hold my position.

 

 

Being real here.

[SJC2008]

All over the place..A lot who he'd never give the time of day too..

 

I'm not surprised.

[Mangina]

All over the place..A lot who he'd never give the time of day too..

 

were they girls you would give the time of day?

[TigerLilly78]

If looks didn't matter you wouldn't have felt the need to mention the one women who contacted you was "obese" now would it? ..

[fortyninethousand322]

Look, lets be real here, there are a ton of average guys on OLD getting dates. I've dated them, pretty much every woman on this site has dated them so this idea that you have to be a hot social superstar is ridiculous.

 

Frankly, many of the super hot, social guys don't even need to use OLD and they don't. Now if you're stereotypically but ass ugly? Yeah, of course you're going to struggle or have little - if any - success but there are a million guys out there who are neither super hot nor super ugly and lets not erase their existence of their success.

 

I'm not sure this is helping the OP feel any better...

[AD1980]

Well how short and what do you mean by "not all that attractive"?

 

Five seven and a half maybe five eight..not all that attractive meaning my face.. I'm in pretty good shape

[AD1980]

If looks didn't matter you wouldn't have felt the need to mention the one women who contacted you was "obese" now would it? ..

 

I never said looks don't matter to me.. Women on here claim men are more shallow then women when women value looks just as much ..

[TigerLilly78]

I never said looks don't matter to me.. Women on here claim men are more shallow then women when women value looks just as much ..

I don't remember seeing women say men are more shallow there are equality shallow people in both sexes..what I have noticed as of late is alot of men putting cirtin types of women down when it comes to dating yet getting mad when women have any preferences or standards of their own..

[insert_name]

To be more precise, it's actually the pictures that matter more than appearance (if you're looking for something substantial, that is).

It is quite easy to gauge your personality and lifestyle from the kind of pictures you post. So if you are an average person living an interesting life and have pictures to back it up, you shouldn't have a problem finding someone in OLD.

 

If thats true then thats another brick in the wall of online dating- putting so much pressure on men to project this image of them living a life that James Bond would be jealous of. All the guys I know who have married and had kids have settled down at the first opportunity and lead very mundane lives. None of these guys could rustle up pics of them doing anything apart from sitting in front of the TV or going on a package holiday to a well trodden tourist destination, but thry seemed to find girls who shared that homely mindset easiky enough so girls like that are out there and there are loads of them so to me it stands to reason that they should be standard issue on OLD.

 

So I wonder why it is that all the girls that require a guy to live a life of constant adventure, danger and surprise (as evidenced by pics of him with a drugged tiger, snowboarding and skydiving) seem to end up looking for these guys on OLD? Being Jane Blow who works a 9-5 and likes to get racey by maybe having a glass of red after work on a Friday seems to be legit for women, but the analog is OLD suicide for men. When dating offline I dont recall any emphasis having to be placed on how spontaneous and random my life was, being myself was perfectly good enough. So I dunno, maybe its just another one of those unrealistic expectations that is a particular hazard of trying to find a partner through OLD as opposed to any other means and men can be held to it as the environmental variables are already weighted in women's favour? I mean if you are going to start out by looking for a unicorn what does it matter if you throw in there that you are looking for a unicorn that can piss glitter too?

 

Perhaps I should not bother with any profile text apart from #YOLO - that oughta do it.

[NJ123]

We're going through this looks argument yet again? Looks are the first thing a man/woman sees in a person. If they don't find you attractive, than that's it. It doesn't matter how great your personality or how many common interests you have with the other person. If the man/woman isn't sexually attracted to you than you're just going to be a friend to them at best.

[guest569]

So I wonder why it is that all the girls that require a guy to live a life of constant adventure, danger and surprise

 

I recently fell for a computer geek guy who said he pretty much likes to watch comedies, go for walks and play with his cat. I found him really relaxed, easy going and charming for the reason he wasn't quite so crazy and wild.

 

Having said that, my previous relationship was with a very time-poor man who was constantly out doing stuff. It's nice to relax and smell the roses once in a while.

 

Oh and I have noticed a LOT of adventure seeking guys on OLD. I suppose they don't meet many women when they're jumping out of planes or snowboarding down a mountain and OLD is the perfect solution for time-poor people.

Edited November 16, 2014 by smiley1

[Destined2B]

Oh and I have noticed a LOT of adventure seeking guys on OLD. I suppose they don't meet many women when they're jumping out of planes or snowboarding down a mountain and OLD is the perfect solution for time-poor people.

 

Exactly! They're too busy LIVING their life rather than coming to LS forums and complain about women who don't reply to them on OLD.

[Destined2B]

If thats true then thats another brick in the wall of online dating- putting so much pressure on men to project this image of them living a life that James Bond would be jealous of. All the guys I know who have married and had kids have settled down at the first opportunity and lead very mundane lives. None of these guys could rustle up pics of them doing anything apart from sitting in front of the TV or going on a package holiday to a well trodden tourist destination, but thry seemed to find girls who shared that homely mindset easiky enough so girls like that are out there and there are loads of them so to me it stands to reason that they should be standard issue on OLD.

 

So I wonder why it is that all the girls that require a guy to live a life of constant adventure, danger and surprise (as evidenced by pics of him with a drugged tiger, snowboarding and skydiving) seem to end up looking for these guys on OLD? Being Jane Blow who works a 9-5 and likes to get racey by maybe having a glass of red after work on a Friday seems to be legit for women, but the analog is OLD suicide for men

Why is it that a lot of people on LS assume most men have low standards??

[insert_name]

I recently fell for a computer geek guy who said he pretty much likes to watch comedies, go for walks and play with his cat. I found him really relaxed, easy going and charming for the reason he wasn't quite so crazy and wild.

 

Having said that, my previous relationship was with a very time-poor man who was constantly out doing stuff. It's nice to relax and smell the roses once in a while.

 

Oh and I have noticed a LOT of adventure seeking guys on OLD. I suppose they don't meet many women when they're jumping out of planes or snowboarding down a mountain and OLD is the perfect solution for time-poor people.

 

I have the same experience, on OKC at least. The girls on there who don't come across badly (poor pics/profile) all seem to have travel in common- they have either just come back from working abroad or travel a lot through their jobs so they are looking for men with no reponsibilities who can up and leave at the drop of a hat to go mountsin climbing in Tibet just because its something to do.

 

From what you say there are a lot of adventurous guys out there on OLD (or ones who project the inage of being adventurous) so possibly explains why I struggle to get replies with that sort of competition. I suppose its telling that these people all need to go online to find a partner in crime.

[insert_name]

Why is it that a lot of people on LS assume most men have low standards??

 

Its usually dangerous to make assumptions, but I think in this case its a pretty safe assumption. Guys most likely dont have standards because of the paucity of responses they get. Its a pretty widely held belief that OLD is a numbers game for men and they have to message relentlessly. So women can put whatever they want in their profile content as long as they can avoid looking ugly in their pics they will get messages. The recent test with a fake profile with good pics and rude and racist profile text that made the news for the number of responses it go being a case in point.

[irc333]

Why is it that a lot of people on LS assume most men have low standards??

 

It's not really that, it's just that men are more realistic in their standards.

[irc333]

I have the same experience, on OKC at least. The girls on there who don't come across badly (poor pics/profile) all seem to have travel in common- they have either just come back from working abroad or travel a lot through their jobs so they are looking for men with no reponsibilities who can up and leave at the drop of a hat to go mountsin climbing in Tibet just because its something to do.

 

Oh man, you have no idea how true THIS is! I actually seen a headline of a woman's POF profile, "Have passport? Will travel!"

 

Not sure what this obsession with traveling is, though I wouldn't mind checking out the "Hobbit Tour Package" in New Zealand one of these days, but I can't understand how they can have that much vacation time to travel umpteen times in one year.

 

What I found funny that back in the day when Matchmakers were prevelent in newspapers, prior to online dating, that their selling point was, "If you don't have time to meet people as you normally would, try us!"

 

And I'm thinking, "Okay, once they are 'matched up' with aforementioned 'unicorn that can poop glitter'" then how prey tell are going to have time for the people that were JUST matched up?? Hmmmm?

 

**Correction "p*ss glitter**

[deathandtaxes]

Or how do they have the money to travem so much? Is that all their life revolves around?

 

I did come across a profile where the lady said she preferred not travelling and actually staying around locally. Refreshing.

[insert_name]

Oh man, you have no idea how true THIS is!

 

Trust me- I do.

 

I actually suspect they are do not travel that much at all and its a projection of the lifestyle they would like to lead. OLD is just another extension of the social media online fantasy life where everyone projects that they are a 10/10 who lives this insane adrenaline junkie life when really its a lot more mundane than that. I can't speak for men but women seem to be prone to this keeping up with the Joneses way of operating. All the girls on my Facebook friends list all seem to be trying to make what they do seem even more vital through excessive use of capitals, '!', and 'YOLOs'.

 

The problem for us guys is that we never really get to find out if this projection really is the case as our more realistic approach probably gets us paper-sifted once our profile gets read.

 

I'm not trying to trash people who love that lifestyle, sure I would do it if I had the money and lack of accountability, my lament is that the only girls with decent profiles seem to be these YOLO types. I can only surmise that there is something about this type of girl that actually inhibits their ability to get dates IRL because the ones who are not into 24/7 adventure and are more about stability and a career seem to meet people IRL and are not to be found on OLD.

 

^^^ Actually having said that, they can sometimes be found on Match, but usually there is a high price tag on their company, swings and roundabouts.

[insert_name]

Or how do they have the money to travem so much? Is that all their life revolves around?

 

I did come across a profile where the lady said she preferred not travelling and actually staying around locally. Refreshing.

 

Yeah one of the best profiles I have seen was a girl who said that her idea of adventure was not skydiving or hugging a tiger. That on its own made me want to message her! But she was looking for a guy a couple of years younger than me, max. So I had to move on

[irc333]

Trust me- I do.

 

I actually suspect they are do not travel that much at all and its a projection of the lifestyle they would like to lead. OLD is just another extension of the social media online fantasy life where everyone projects that they are a 10/10 who lives this insane adrenaline junkie life when really its a lot more mundane than that. I can't speak for men but women seem to be prone to this keeping up with the Joneses way of operating. All the girls on my Facebook friends list all seem to be trying to make what they do seem even more vital through excessive use of capitals, '!', and 'YOLOs'.

 

The problem for us guys is that we never really get to find out if this projection really is the case as our more realistic approach probably gets us paper-sifted once our profile gets read.

 

I'm not trying to trash people who love that lifestyle, sure I would do it if I had the money and lack of accountability, my lament is that the only girls with decent profiles seem to be these YOLO types. I can only surmise that there is something about this type of girl that actually inhibits their ability to get dates IRL because the ones who are not into 24/7 adventure and are more about stability and a career seem to meet people IRL and are not to be found on OLD.

 

Funny you mention this. There was this 50-something woman I met at Meetup, she was new to the group, but claimed she just signed onto a new job and typically her office is IN her car as she travels around the city with no office.

 

This was back in April, tried to get some time with her , but she was always "busy".

 

Then in Oct. out of the blue, she calls me says she's settled into her job and home she just moved into and was already near my area.

 

As I was doing nothing at the time and was actually finding something to do, her timing was just right, otherwise I would've said that I have plans because she so wanted to spontaneously meetup.

 

There was a post I made earlier about the "buzzing social bee" that bailed out of a restaurant Meetup because she double booked herself. When I go to a Meetup event, I'm in it for the LONG haul.

 

There was this day long Meetup event and there was this one woman that said, "Well, I gotta pool party I need to be getting to on the other side of town."

 

It's like they have a child's hyperactivity disorder or they eat too much sugar? Who knows, but they are so antsy that they cannot stick around to "smell the flowers" and appreciate the fellowship and the act of actually getting to KNOW people.

 

I classify these kinds of people as rather vapid. They tend to leave everything open ended, schedule mutiitude events on the same day and not really committing to anything hoping that maybe something better comes along.

 

This is true with BOTH genders by the way.

[irc333]

Yeah one of the best profiles I have seen was a girl who said that her idea of adventure was not skydiving or hugging a tiger. That on its own made me want to message her! But she was looking for a guy a couple of years younger than me, max. So I had to move on

 

Yeah, that is refreshing. I think some women are under the impression that if you're riding a Harley, bungee jumping, ziplining, etc

 

There's this newly married couple at work that when I ask her if they have any plans for the weekend she says, "Nah, not really, maybe do some gardening or get caught up on the laundry and that's about it."

 

She's not much for crowds at festivals, concerts, etc. She's rather a homebody. She's in pretty decent shape, but works at out at home and has no gym membership.

 

THey are both VERY content.

 

I get a kick out of these ladies that say, "Must be able to keep up" or "Constantly on the go"

 

Personally, I think it's not entirely accurate, because some people have an ego protect and by providing an ILLISUION that they are "worldly" ad "well traveled" MEANS they actually have something going for them.

 

Otherwise, us men are just defined as unambitious couch potatoes. Which brings me to a post a woman made her some time ago. Apparently, being the "career driven, independent" woman she is, she's had a lot of run ins with how SHE defined as unambitious men.

 

That kind of woman would deem us as such, whereas to some others are content with a life they don't pride themselves by being constantly "on the go!"

lol

[FitChick]

There are men in my age range who are retired and want someone to travel with. I have to work. If I could afford it I'd be traveling a lot.

 

The quality of the photo is very important. I had my main photo up for a few weeks and got some interest. Changed it to one of me from my recent vacation -- I was wearing a coat and scarf -- and got dozens of viewings and compliments. I knew I looked good. No glamor photography or Photoshop, just the right lighting and right pose. Still I hesitate posting photos where I think I look much better than I do in person.

Edited November 17, 2014 by FitChick