Is this commitment phobia? Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions?

[missy10]

ktzmom: Does it bother him and does he think about you? I would say yes but something he may never admit to.

 

Will he call? keep your expectations at ground level and convince yourself he probably won't that way if by chance he does - you will be very surprised and perhaps elated. That's the approach I try to take. For the first few weeks I was dying inside because he used to call me everyday after work like clockwork and then one day - nothing - thus the beginning of a very ugly pattern. Now I have spoken to him recently - yesterday in fact - he helped me with some work related issues on the phone. And, today there was one missed call on my cell phone but the call number was listed as unavailable - could it have been him? Guess I'll never know. Fortunately I'm very busy at work and at home that I don't really have time to think about him excpet when I go to sleep at night. I just want the opportunity for him to call and me be too busy to talk (give him something to think about).

 

Dinny: Welcome to the survivors of the committmentphobia club! I don't think the letter was dumb but maybe next time write it to get the feelings out but don't send it. Most often the guys won't read it or it will make them angrier because they look at it as you wanting to try to change them which we all know we can only change ourselves. We either have to accept them the way they are or say goodbye. That for me is the toughest part!

 

With the help of many friends you will get through this!

 

Missy10

[Ktzmom]

Missy10

How long have you been apart???

I'm trying to balance hoping he will call and telling myself he won't so I am not let down daily!! I've been trying to keep busy as well, first thing in the am and bedtime are the worst for me. Today was my day off and my daughter is at Dad's so today was a "slow starter" and I had too much time on my hands.

I'm getting the unavailables as well, but on my CELL phone so I know it's NOT a telemarketer.....What, are they afraid we will hunt them down and have them for dinner???? Maybe they're as bad as us and just want to hear our voices on the machine??

I bought Men Who Can't Love and in all honesty, it doesn't sound like him. Oh well, whatever the prob. is it is still HIS and I still can't fix it. Your 2x4 idea doesn't sound terribly far-fetched at this point...LOL

 

Back to work tomorrow (and all weekend) Wheeee!!!

Ktzmom

[missy10]

Ktzmom: Gee its been a good month that we haven't just been he and I - we have had other run-ins but those were business related. In one way I feel a little better knowing that it isn't me that created this problem - it is something he is dealing with and I know I have to let it be. This is going to sound pathetic but I'm hoping to see him next month at a annual gathering. It will be interesting to see if he shows or avoids it knowing I might be there.

 

My worst times are right after work when I turn on my cell phone in anticipation of the call that never comes. My life keeps me pretty busy cuz my x lives out of state so I have my kids 24/7.

 

Let me know how the 2x4 works okay LOL!

 

Missy10

[jw32802]

Ok wait, I have cingular (NOKIA 3595) and i keep getting calls that just say

"Call" when it rings. No number and no name. Now does that mean it is anonomys? Or maybe someone used to have my cell number and telemarketers are calling for them? I JUST changed my phone number so that my ex wouldn't call me but he told me months ago that since he works for telephone computer software companies, he could find my number.....

 

I thought anonomys would say "private" ; but i keep getting the calls that just say "call" and then no message.

ANYONE ELSE HAVE A NOKIA 3595 PHONE?

[Dinny]

Missy 10:

Many thanks for your words of encouragement and I think you're right! I should never have written to my ex but at the time I was full of love, hurt, emotion...........you know the story and my letter to him actually told him how much he meant to me and that some of the things he did on me he wouldnt have done if he's been inlove with me!

 

He definitely read the letter because about an hour after I left it to his house he text me on my mobile to say that he was gonna write back cos he had some things to say but it wouldn't be until later on the following week because he was moving house!!!!!! WHAT!!!! I text him back telling him not to bother because that was my point EXACTLY............I wasn't a priority in his life and even at that stage he couldn't have contacted me BEFORE he's moved!!!!

 

He was supposed to have met up with me the day before for a chat but totally ignored me which was what prompted me to write to him in the first place! So I just said to him that he had had his opportunity the day before and because he didn't use it not to bother writing to me because I had my closer! and that was that!...............

 

Of course now I'm regretting it because I have heard nothing since!

 

I saw him about a week after he'd got the letter in a bar with his mates but he was so drunk and when i was leaving he was standing looking at me with no expression on his face and as I passed him I waved and smiled a sad smile but just stood there looking at me......it was like he was waiting for me to walk over and beg his foregiveness for what I had put HIM through.........but I don't think I did anything wrong really.

 

Still no word from him and then about a week after that I left up a set of photographs of a function we had been to saying I though he might like a set and that I would've stopped for a chat on the Saturday night I'd seen him but he lookied kinda drunk and then ended it by saying "but maybe some time soon".............that was 3 weeks ago now and I've heard nothing.

 

I have accepted that the relationship couldn't have gone on any longer the way it was and I've also accepted that if he wanted to try and make it work and do whatever was necessary to dop that that he would've been intouch (so obviously he's not ready!!) but what really hurts is when I saw him out drunk with his friends........he had chosen a life with them.....people who really don't care about him! over a life with me and I'm sure he's not crying himself to sleep every night like I am!

 

O well, I really appreciate you guys are here and its great to know that hopefully we are all supporting each other and we will get through this!

 

jw32802:

How you doin today? Have you managed to answer any of those calls marked "call"........I really wonder is it your man y'know? would he not text you if it was him trying to get through?

 

If only these guys knew what they put us through emotionally maybe they'd learn something!!!!

 

I would love for them to read some of the pain, hurt, frustartion and emotion that comes out in these forums......if we girlies weren't so emotional, loving and giving I'm damn sure we'd all be out havin a good time without a care in the world hee!!!!

[Ktzmom]

Hi all! How was your weekend? I had to work both days so not much is new here. I got to see "HIM" a few times, still not sure how I feel about that. I love talking to him, it's just the way I feel after we talk.......I think about what he said, what it could mean, the way he looked at me and on and on..basically still on the rollercoaster from hell. I have never had this much trouble after a break-up before. I wish I could figure out why........I am still carrying on with the other things in my life, it's just the thoughts of him keep "creeping in" wherever I am and whatever I am doing. It's not all the rosey stuff either, the good and bad. I am very hurt by the way this all ended, and yet, I want a chance at it AGAIN???

Am I just stuck at a stage in the grieving process?? I know there is no set timeframe on these things, but how long do you think this will go on?

It has been one month today since we/he broke up.

[missy10]

Ktzmom: Don't beat yourself up - for you it is much more difficult because you are constantly reminded of what you two had by seeing him at work. I don't have that so I can adjust a little easier. I'm a huge analyzer and makes life really tough - try not to fall into that - you'll be signing up for far too many hair colorings at your young age!

 

I was shocked - he called me tonight - I was away from my phone so he left a message. I was rather smart alicky with my comment when I called him back which probably wasn't the wisest but I had runaway mouth! There is a play coming to town that I would love to ask him to - just friends - shake hands at the end of the evening - not sure if he would go or cringe. He isn't a planner so maybe I'll buy the tickets, and if at the last minute when I ask him he chooses not to go I'll ask someone else. Decisions Decisions!

 

I had a good weekend - very very busy and plus the weather was gorgeous!

 

Take Care!

 

Missy10

[Ktzmom]

Missy10

He called! That seems to be a step in the right direction--just remain calm and cool when/if you call back, you don't want to "give" him too much, but also don't want to push him away right?? I think if mine called I'd have a heart attack! It's easy to say how to respond here, but when you're in the moment, it's quite different I'm sure.

The play sounds like a good idea! Give him a call, you won't be in worse shape, even if he says no. It sounds like you have yourself alot more together than I do, just seem to be having a tough time lately, like you said it's probably because I still see him everyday. What to do??

Have a great day!!!

[missy10]

Ktzmom: Just checking in to see how you are fairing out? Working this weekend? Not much to report on my end - phone hasn't rung in days but then I didn't think it would. It's like he all of a sudden has this safety rope between us giving just enough distance for a comfort zone. Whatever.

 

I've had a rather busy weekend actually - even doing some home improvemetns and surprised myself by using my drill and not causing any catastrophes! (The drill was my 40th birthday present my X gave me the day before he walked out of my life on a plane to live in another state with another woman - at the time I wanted to drill some holes in his head but actually it has come in handy. He gave it to me with a stocked tool box - can you say guilt gift?)

 

Post if you get a chance!

 

Take Care

Missy10

[Ktzmom]

Hi Missy!!!

Was starting to wonder if your prince showed up for that ride into the sunset.....I'm doing pretty well, had a few ups & downs, but no more than my (current) norm...

Talked to my counselor Tues., she made me feel a bit better when she said it sounds like he was sincere when he told me how he felt about me. That has really been bothering me, wondering if he just used me? Who knows, she may be wrong, BUT she's the pro, so I'm taking her word for it. LOL

I've been busy myself, working alot. Have this weekend off, went up to the cabin again, my little slice of heaven on earth. It is so peaceful there, sometimes it's verrrry hard to leave.....Had to come home early, my daughter has a bday party tomorrow on dad's side and heaven help me if she misses it -HA!!! Sounds like a great time to have "car trouble" and get "STUCK" up north, if you ask me!!!

 

Guess who called today??? I am pretty proud about how I handled it, we actually met on the road, and waved, 2 secs. later my cell rang. Just talked about everyday stuff, toward the end he asked what I was doing/where was I headed tonight? Thank God I HAD plans, just went to my brother's to cook-out, but he doesn't need to know that, I told him I was going out with friends. I was my sweet self the whole time, and when we went to hang up, I said "take care" and left it at that. While it was nice to get the call, I do still wonder if it only happened because we had just seen each other on the road. It would be nice if he just called out of the blue, shows me he thinks about me....Oh well, waited this long for a call, I'm not going to get picky right away. Hope it happens again, and not a month from now!!!

 

As for the lovely parting gift, my ex wouldn't be dumb enough to give me tools, he knows I can use every one of them....some even better than him!!! I should have thought of this sooner.....HMMMMMMMMM

 

Enjoy the rest of the weekend! - Ktzmom

[i2wtbl]

I'm soooo glad to see these posts! New to this site -- not even a member -- but I'm intrigued.

 

Well, gal pals, I'm a survivor of a 3-year relationship with a commitment phobic man. Not to sound overly confident, but today I can pretty much say that I have officially obtained Phd in analyzing this personality type, which includes, and is not limited to, playing with it and enjoying the process!

 

Ahh, too much to write to summarize everything in one post. If you need any advice or support I'll check this forum every now and then to see if anyone of you posted something new. Stay strong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[i2wtbl]

Okay, I just tried posting something as a guest, so there might be duplicate notes if and when the moderator approves the other one…

I’m excited about this thread and disappointed that you gals haven’t posted anything new lately! I’m a “survivor” of a lengthy, complicated relationship with a commitment phobe… too much for one post anyway.

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!! You will never ever change these people – that’s the taughest reality one must face. Hope you can stay strong and rebuild your self-esteem. I have a track record of endless case studies that prove this point. YOU WILL BE FINE, YOU WILL BE FINE, YOU WILL BE FINE – repeat it to yourself 567 times a day if you have to. But for heavens sake, drop these man!! Don’t check your phone caller id, don’t over-analyze “private” or “out of area” calls… Live like you never knew him, live like he never existed, live like he never messed with your head. I know it’s easier said than done, but trust me, it is very much doable – I’ve been there and I’ve done that! Surprisingly, just when you achieve the ultimate emotional detachment (a sincere one, not an “act” that’s supposed to bring him back), things start happening and you find happiness all over again.

Stay strong!! You WILL make it.

[missy10]

i2wtlb: Thanks for your insight. Did he ever admit to you that he has a fear of commitment or was this something you learned over time?

[missy10]

Ktzmom: How are you doing? I haven't been on for about a week - lots going on with the kids, my X is in town (staying with us) so I get to do things and get out by myself!

 

Any news on your front? Good/Bad?

 

I met up with mine the other night. It was nice to catch up - had a couple of beers. I will probably run into him next weekend at a local fair.

 

Hope all is okay with you!

 

Missy10

[i2wtbl]

Missy,

 

Yes, he did admit to his commitment issues; not to the extent of his actual phobia, but that he "wasn't ready for a relationship". Three years ago I had absolutely NO IDEA that the concept of commitment phobia even existed. I learned a lot during the duration of our relationship. Also, please note that back then I didn't even want to be in a full-blown committed relationship either. I just wanted to date him, enjoy his company, spend some time together, whatever... It never crossed my mind that I'm getting myself into something incredibly dangerous.

 

The biggest problem of all is that my guy will not go away. I am much stronger today than I was a year ago, for example, and I simply don't allow this behavior to continue (I simply don't deal with him anymore, period!), but stupid me used to give in each time he would come back around.

 

Today was a classical example. I disconnected my cell phone just so that he can't contact me anymore and he called me at the office after 3 weeks of silence. The old me would probably engage in a semi-pleasant conversation with him, during which he would convince me to see him tonight or tomorrow evening. We would then end up seeing each other for a while and everything would be just peachy UNTIL he decided that we were getting too close to each other. VICIOUS CYCLE THAT NEVER ENDS.

 

I'm just relieved that I don't take it personally anymore. I used to over-analyze my behavior to see whether there's anything that I couldn't have done or said to prevent his disappearing acts (please note that the disappearance can be either literally physical, i.e. no contact, or emotional -- when he's there, but "disconnected" from you), but today I know that it has absolutely nothing to do with me. Moreover, you can actually play along, because this behavior pattern is VERY MUCH PREDICTABLE. There are certain phrases that you can say or things that you can do that will, without a doubt, either pull him away or pull him closer. The problem is that, even after you figured all of this out, you can never be true to yourself. You constantly put up an act, bend over backwards, and walk on eggshells just to make sure that, God forbid, he's not overwhelmed by your emotional (or physical) attachment to him. At the end of the day, the struggle is simply not worth it.

 

Keep your chin up!

[missy10]

i2wtbl: Thanks very much for your input. I hear what you are saying and I can relate although you were with him much longer than my relationship. I, like you, like the fact that we see each other now and then, do things together and he isn't controlling or in my face 24/7. My life is busy with 2 kids, a house, and full time job that I like the fact that we both have separate lives to do as we please but catch up with each other now an then. I thought everything was fine until suddenly everything came to a screeching halt and he admitted that he had a fear of committment. When I saw him the other night he mentioned that he hopes one day to be in a relationship again and of course me miss analyzer that I can be am wondering is he considering it to be with me? Seeing how I will react to that comment? Or am I just the girl in between until the right one comes along and what does he define as "relationship" cuz personally I thought we had one. Sometimes I think I'm too old and tired to go through all this. He mentioned that he thinks of me often (it has been about a month since we last were together). I want to believe him but am skeptical - is this just talk? I'm sure I'm just another classic textbook case that you have read in your self help books - if I really wanted a committed relationship I know I would need to walk away but right now heck if I know. I'm probably not making any sense!

 

Did you try talking to him about where he stands? How he felt about you? Did he feel any emotional involvement? SOmedays I think I really just need to sit down and have this conversation but I'm not sure my self esteem is ready for the truth!

 

Have a great night

Missy10

[Ktzmom]

Missy10,

HEY GIRL!!!! Happy to hear from you, sounds like you're quite busy these days....

I'm doing alright, I'm sure any possibility of getting back with him is OUT and right at this moment I could care less. This past Sat. we had our company picnic and he and I chatted, I asked him if he was going to a mutual friend's b-day party afterward and he said yes, for a while, are you? NOT as if he was asking me out, but like he would like to see me there.

I thought I was doing ok with the "friendship thing" and it would be alright......after a few beers, HE cornered me, told me he loved me, and kissed me. We rejoin the party and all is fine again until he starts talking to my brother (who I asked to come with me, for support). My brother made the comment that he should stop messing with my head, which, in all honesty he has not done. He never implied we would get back together, etc. BUT my brother (who lives with me right now) has seen the emotional me for the past 6 weeks and of course, just wants me happy. He meant well, but the result was my ex turning to me and saying "I don't ever want to talk to you again!!! He apparently felt I've been telling my bro lies to make him look bad, I don't know.

Long story short, I should have left then. Oh no, I haven't had enough punishment yet, I feel awful, would he please talk to me at my car? He did, and I ended up back in the bar. Fast forward to closing time, HE is very loaded, I offer to give him a ride home, or at least follow him. I ended up following him home.

I don't know what I was thinking, after all I've been through, but I went into his house and things got waaaaayyyyyyy out of hand. He kept saying how he loved me, please don't give up on me, and even begged me not to leave blah blah. I had to go to work, promised him a wake-up call and left. I gave him his wake-up call and we said we'd talk later today....WHATEVER......

I got out of work to a voicemail on my cell, "Sorry about last nite, that never should have happened"(and I agree about the intimacy) but then follows up with "we will NOT date or go out, that can NEVER happen again, I don't want to discuss it and again I am sorry. Talk to you later."

I called him to agree that it should not have happened, and he shouldn't worry, I certainly didn't think things were all rosey again because of what had happened, and asked him to relax. His response was "I will not be accused of using anyone, it never should have happened and it will never happen again."

Literally overnight, he changed into this extremely cold person. We talked Sat. at the picnic like friends, and now he is very short and very blunt. He's actually made me feel like I'm some nut job who is just harassing him. I know better, of course, but I just cannot believe how COLD he is.

It's now Wednesday, and I can't even LOOK at him, I am so angry. I can understand not getting back together, but there is no need to talk to me like I am garbage!!

So, after weeks of wondering why, why, why, I was feeling a little better. I just decided it was all bad timing, his life was too hectic, and he DID care, that is why he told me now. As painful as it was to hear, I realized he was probably right, and I was just going to get on with my life.

NOW, I am filled with questions again, this time they are accompanied by A WHOLE LOT OF ANGER. The worst part- if he were to call tomorrow, I don't know how I would respond. This is absolutely unbelievable.

Any thoughts????

 

On a happier note, I'm glad to hear you two are going to meet. PLEASE be very careful. My fingers are crossed for you!!

[missy10]

Ktzmom: All I can think to say is . . . OH MY GOSH! I thought my life was a cluster you know what (my X is here right now leaving tomorrow but been here for a week.) The one gratifacation I got out of his visit was coming home at 3:00 AM from being with my friend. More on that later.

 

But your situation - wow. Often times and you know this people say what's really on their mind from the fruits of alcohol - he sobered up and realized what came out of his mouth and as much as he may mean it - he isn't ready to face the reality of it all. I think he probably does miss you very much, wants you in his life but doesn't know how to fit it in, is afraid of losing you one day - the whole fear situation (again I should be taking in what I'm typing to you cuz I could very well be in your shoes). As for your brother - again wanting to take care of you and protect you - probably embarassed your friend that you may have discussed the situation with him and to be confronted about it made him click into reality? I think he is treating you like crap because he doesn't want you to care for him anymore (even though he still does for you) and is trying to push you away. He probably knows he hurt you based on your brothers confrontation with him and doesn't want to do any more damage than has been done. All speculation but that is what I think.

 

As for me - heck I can't get him out of my mind. I so enjoy the time we spend together including the "benefits part" but can I really separate the emotional end of the experience and take it for what it probably is - a bootie call. Although he initiated it all - but I didn't say no either. He mentioned afterwards he hopes one day to be in a relationship - I said so do I but we are both so busy that we don't have time to devote to someone else - which is true. Of course the question ran through my mind are you implying with me or whenever the new Mrs. Right crosses your path and I'll do for the mean time? These are questions I should blurt out but a) I'm not really prepared for the answer I could get and b) I risk the chance of losing what I have (which doesn't say much for me if all it really is is friends with benefits).

 

I have a blind date supposedly for next Friday and I'm forcing myself to go. I feel guilty but know I shouldn't. We have no committment other than to be exclusive with each other or break it off completely which we both had agreed upon.

 

So what are you going to do? I say let him be for a while, you seem to be in a better place and you have to decide truly in your mind and heart what you would do if he walked through your door tomorrow. You know what I think and know??? You are a MUCH stronger lady than I am!

 

Have a good night!

Missy10

[Ktzmom]

Hi Missy- yes, I believe most of your observations are correct, but right now, I am so angry about the whole thing I don't even want to analyze what he said/did. He behaves as though I am not even alive, and never meant a thing to him! In fact, when I told him somebody saw him kiss me, he said we'll just see if anything is said about it??? (Did I mention the b-day party was for a mutual friend AND co-worker?) Oh yes, now it could be all over work. I asked him Tuesday if anything had been said, and he said, yes, one of the girls saw us talking in the corner and heard him tell me to GO AWAY!!!! So now, I guess I appear to be some little lovestruck nutcase that won't take no for an answer!!! WONDERFUL, NO????

I don't know how to even react to any of it anymore. I have not spoken to him since Tuesday, and when I do see him, or hear his name, my first thought is ***HOLE!!!

 

The problem remains-------

Remember when you were pregnant with your kids? and all of a sudden there were pregnant people everywhere?? For the last month while I am coping with it all, it seems he is around all the time or someone is talking to me about him, (remember there are very few people who know we even went out, NONE of them at work), everywhere I go I see his car, things like that?? He is still in my life, even when I try to shut it off. As I said last night, I'm not sure how I would respond if he were to call me tomorrow?? Let me tell you, I don't know about strength, sometimes I have it all together, other times not. (like Saturday, for instance)

 

As for the benefits part, it scares me but, I was able to separate the emotional part from it this time. Perhaps because he kept telling me how he loved me and I kept thinking, we'll see, won't we? I finally did ask him if he loved me, what was the problem? The response was he is scared. I told him that I agreed, it was quite a chance to take, and I was scared myself. I said I thought it would it be worth a shot and he said YES! ( all of this under the influence, don't forget) That is when I got the "don't give up on me" line.

 

Now imagine the anger I feel after receiving that v-mail and the subsequent phone calls?!! I would have to say at the present time it is anger, not strength pushing me forward. As far as dating others, I was asked out Sat. by someone and said no, (the guy beat up his last g/f,) but I will entertain other offers. Of course, that is what I say this minute. Tomorrow may be different. I don't really want to hurt anyone else just to spite him, which may be the case right now.

 

By the way, where were YOU until 3am???HEE HEE

[missy10]

ktzmom: Hi - my take is its guilt he is running from and his feelings - not knowing how to deal with them - face the fact that he truly loves you but for whatever reason isn't macho enough to let it be okay to like you and admit it. He may forever run from it! I think you were smart not to go out - at least not right now - subconsciously it might be more for spite than anything else.

 

And . . . I'm not telling where I was but I loved every minute of it!

 

Missy10

[Ktzmom]

Hi Missy

Don't know if it's guilt or fear or just what he may want to call it, I am soooooooo angry that someone I had such feelings for and trust in has become such an unfeeling jerk. It hurts to wonder if he ever cared, just like when we first broke up.

I wish I had never gone to that party, it most certainly was NOT the time or place to try to "talk" about what I have been feeling, unfortunately it was the first time I have seen him outside of work and alcohol played a factor....Woulda,coulda,shoulda.........

I don't know if he and I will ever be able to find our friendship again. That hurts too, it was so easy to talk to him, about ANYthing.

Some of the last words he said to me were "if I ever go someplace and you are there I will leave". When I ask if we will try to maintain some type of friendship, his answer is "of course??!!!!" More contradiction.

I am so mad and yet, I still wonder if he feels bad and one day will contact me to talk?? Stupid, huh?

 

P.S. My mom always said if you can't have it done by midnight you don't need to be doing it........LOL Hope the ex was waiting up...HA HA let him wonder........

[wtfjh?]

Well...just came out of a year with the classic commitmentphobe. Guess I don't need to explain, as, if you read the list of signs, that is him up and down.

 

My last contact with him (after a month no contact) went this way:

 

-Said he was still in love with me, misses me badly, can't get over me.

-Said he just figured he would track me down in the place I am moving and get me back.

-Said my recent letter (letting him have it from my point of view...something I never had the guts to do before) had opened his eyes.

 

Then, I asked him what now and does he want it to be over (this is where they panic...when they are backed into a corner and a decision must be made...you can hear them change instantly...his voice gets low and shaky...)

 

Him: long, gut wrenching silence

Me: "well, just tell me: do you want it to be over"

HIM: long silence

Me: "please just tell me. I will move on, let go"

Him: "we have hurt each other too much"

ME: "just say yes or no"

Him: "I wish you well"

Me: "say it...yes or no"

Him: (barely audible) "yes"

 

I hung up.

 

Had I not asked him to decide, no doubt the conversation would not have ended that way. Classic commitment phobe.

[missy10]

ktzmom: Hey lady - still around? I was off to New York for business few weeks back and I was extremely busy around that time. Had a great time - first time there - expensive but fun. Now getting the kids ready for school starting tomorrow.

 

What's up with you? Talk to him anymore or is everything completely done??

 

I'm still with him but I called him last night to meet up and talk with him. I know there is no "we" or "us" and as much as I thought I could live in the new millenium - I can't. I have gotten to emotionally attached and no fun when its one sided.

 

Drop a line if you get the chance.

 

Missy10

[breezy]

THe last 2 relationships I have been in, ended because they needed time, etc...the same thing you are talking about. And might I add....they were BOTH recently divorced when we started dating and I was there first relationship after the divorce. I say....stay clear of those men who are going thru that. They are vunerable and just need someone at the time to comfort them. As most people are when they end a relationship regardless of who ended it, it still hurts. I have a tendency to jump from one relationship to the next in order to get over someone. Well..I use to and I think a lot of people coming out of a divorce want that. They need to feel what they have not felt in a long time. I think its healthy to take a step back after his divorce and take soem time for himself. I am learning to do that. Learning to be on my own again. If you do the research, most relationships do not last if they were recently divorced.

 

But I do know what you are going thru. When things are just so perfect, and nothing is going wrong and your relationship and friendship is the best - well those are the worst break ups to get over because nothing really went wrong and you cant really hate them for anything. Its so hard.

[missy10]

Breezy - I hear you! But the guy I have been seeing has been divorced 4 years. HIs problem is more codependency problem and he is very fearful of any relationship. Of course, I thought I was different, I thought he would come around in time and of course, I got emotionally attached. He didn't. So I have learned.

 

Are you in a relationship now that is working?

 

Missy10