Why Do Girls Look Down on Guys That Live With Their Parents Around the Ages of 22-27?

[udolipixie]

Dude, just give it up. I don't care how you try to reframe it, the point remains the same

 

Women saying "I want a man who has his own place because it means that he's independent and hard working" is a pretty clear sign of judgement and arrogance, sorry. A man living at home isn't less independent, he's not less developed, he's not less anything. He's smarter and thinks about the future is what it is

 

I don't care what you say, you're not gonna change my mind on this because the signs are all over the place and now you're just becoming annoyingly insistent

I'm not reframing anything that seems to be you with you're reading between the lines while I posted what was stated.

 

I'm not trying to change your mind just showing how you seem to have a biased skewed perception 'reads between the lines' to get an intrepretation that supports his mindset.

 

Some gals have associated living on his own with independence I haven't seen any gal on this board say anything like "I want a man who has his own place because it means that he's independent and hard working".

 

Recall the only mention of hard work was this and that seems more like a bite towards you that "I want a man who has his own place because it means that he's independent and hard working":

There's nothing wrong with living at home per se, but being independant and actually having to work hard, rather than living an easy life of handouts, builds one's character.

 

So while I don't disrespect somebody still living at home, somebody like the OP, who just spouts nonsense rhetoric about his potential future income/savings due to living a life of handouts because he is obviously just insecure, I find a lot harder to respect. TBH it sounds like he just got rejected by a girl for the fact that he still lives at home and is raging so much about it he needs to keep posting the exact same thing about how one day he'll be soooo successful, and he'll show her, and won't she regret it, etc etc... nahhh I think she probably made the right choice

[HallowedBeThyName]

I'm not reframing anything that seems to be you with you're reading between the lines while I posted what was stated.

 

I'm not trying to change your mind just showing how you seem to have a biased skewed perception 'reads between the lines' to get an intrepretation that supports his mindset.

 

Some gals have associated living on his own with independence I haven't seen any gal on this board say anything like "I want a man who has his own place because it means that he's independent and hard working".

 

Recall the only mention of hard work was this and that seems more like a bite towards you that "I want a man who has his own place because it means that he's independent and hard working":

 

 

 

You have the reading comprehension skills of a toddler I swear

 

 

 

http://i273.photobucket.com/albums/jj203/Skoalbandit77/2ccv4ac.gif

[udolipixie]

You have the reading comprehension skills of a toddler I swear

 

I'm not the one claiming gals are posting this & that and when show what gals are posted go 'read between the lines'.

 

Your swearing of my reading comprehension skills is absolutely amusing considering:

For me, an adult guy living with his parents is a big turn-off, mainly because I've been independent, living on my own (or with roommates during college), and supporting myself since I was 17, and want a guy who's also independent and supporting himself. If a guy is still living with his parents past high school, we are simply at different developmental stages mentally, financially, and practically.

This has to be a joke right? A man living at home past HIGH SCHOOL means that he's somehow lesser of a man? :laugh:

I didn't say he's a lesser man - just at a different life stage than I am.

[Stupid Girl]

OP, I think you need to look within and examine the real cause of your insecurity. As you can see from this thread, many people are living at home in their 20s (although I don't know how good of a representation LS is to real life), and they aren't insecure about it; they don't blame an entire gender for their faults. The mark of a successful person is someone who accepts their role in their own failures, and does not try to pass off all the blame to others.

 

Hell, in my real life experience, it's men who will look down on you for living at home much moreso than women - so why this obsession with gender blaming? If I had to guess I'd say women aren't interested in you not because you live at home, but because you're bigoted, bitter, and you wear your insecurity like a badge. Then the fact that you live at home come into play only after, when they realize a lot of your deficiencies stem from your obsession with getting validation for living at home.

 

I always wonder, with threads like this, how people SO YOUNG become SO BITTER. You must be epically unsuccessful. Oh but don't worry, we all know you will be "one day"

Edited May 24, 2012 by Stupid Girl

[zengirl]

I think there are some major distinctions to be made. The OP references making between 35K - 50K a year. Even if you have student loans, you can pay your bills, be frugal elsewhere, and live outside your parent's home (you may perhaps need roommates) on that kind of salary.

 

1. The OP says it's better to save money, live at home, and derive the benefits of that more comfortable home while squirreling away that money, rather than seek out independence at the cost of a crappy apartment or extra money going out. That's a choice I would never be able to get behind --- materialism over independence just doesn't suit me, and I think that view of someone who COULD move out but chooses not to because it's more comfortable to live at home is different than the other types.

 

2. Some people are just totally down on their luck. Good, hard working people. Want independence. Striving for something. Hypothetically, unless I already knew the man VERY well and we had a strong affinity (I'm married so this is all purely hypothetical/past-tense of course), I'd be uncomfortable starting to date someone who was in a traditional stage financially or career-wise because men who don't have their careers pretty stabilized can be really volatile and don't tend to start strong committed LTRs because they are focused on the career/money problems that needs to be fixed.

 

3. Some people are late bloomers and may still be in undergrad at the age of 26,27 and living with parents. I think that's fine, but I never dated anyone who hadn't yet graduated college -- different life stages. I graduated before I turned 21, so I've been out for a long time. However, Hubby DID graduate at 26 (he had to save up money to go and still has massive loans because he went to a pricey school; it paid off for a salary of six figures a year a few years after graduation and he'll have it paid off no sweat, despite not living at home for any of it), so he WAS a late bloomer in some ways. But had he not been older than me, that wouldn't have worked out. However, when I was in college, I knew plenty of people who lived at home and never thought less of them --- that seems a normal college thing to do if it works out that you go to college in your hometown.

 

4. Some people may go to grad school at the same school/same town directly after and continue staying at home. I think that's also fine -- you're still in school -- but many of those people will move away after grad school, so why date them if you're in serious LTR mode? Those people are also still changing and growing to such an extreme degree if they've never yet struck out on their own, and that's a volatile situation as well. When I was ready to have serious Rs, after college, I started looking for men in very stable situations who had started not just mapping out the course of their lives but actually enacting that plan --- that's the stage *I* was in, so it made sense.

 

5. As I said earlier, some people move home to care for or financially help out their parents. Totally different situation, and I'd admire that if it's primarily for the benefit of their parents at a detriment to their own comfort.

 

The 2s, 3s, and 5s I totally get why they're still at home -- the 2s are usually only temporarily there, though times are tough and it can be bad these days, I get that -- and the 4s could use a little push but not too bad. However, the 1s (like the OP) . . . I just can't get behind those priorities.

 

As to the OP's attitude, anyone whose first priority is buying a house and material comforts doesn't appeal to me, really, so his "logic" that it's "better" fails because my life isn't about how much property and money I can accrue. I've lived all over the world, many miles from my hometown for most of it, sometimes halfway across the world, and I've lived in many apartments, with many roommates, and had a lot of great experiences doing so. The experiences were WELL worth that money I've paid and the freedom of buying my first house WITH my husband, rather than one of us having one like an anchor around our necks, is something I always wanted and will get. The simple fact is: People have different priorities.

 

Personally, I think it's between someone and their parents if they could support themselves but choose not to. Many parents would be fine with that or even welcome that. I'm sure mine would let me move home if I had trouble, but if I were making 35-50K a year and still wanted to stay there just because they had a nice, big comfy house on the beach, I'd feel pretty ashamed. That's not the same, of course, as having true financial trouble or moving to help them out.

 

yea, me being on pace for my first house at the age of 26 is me not making my own way in the world

 

Someday you may make your own way in the world, but you're not doing it yet, and even then, you'll only be able to afford that because you didn't make your way in the world earlier and relied on the support of your parents, financially.

 

I live in one of the top 5 nicest and best all around cities in the entire country, that's why. The avg income here is 140 grand. Why move out?

 

To see other things and experience new places. As I said, we clearly have different priorities. You seem to prioritize money and make it all about money.

 

So my buddy who lived at home until he was 30 and now has 400,000 in the bank and will likely have a multi million dollar house in a few years is not a good prospect for a serious LTR?

 

If he was living at home until 30, he certainly didn't get married before 30. Is he married now? Is he in a LTR? You tell me if he's a good LTR prospect --- good LTR prospects are usually in LTRs by their 30s.

 

Because if they date a woman who is also living at home, they won't have ANY place to go and ****. That's the real reason for the OP's angst. If only a woman who is "financially dumb" would take him to her place so he could get off without hogging the bathroom and running up the water bill!

 

Pretty much how I feel about the OP's hostility. I would even get it if he had TRUE financial troubles (not just wanting to save money but really couldn't afford it) but he's speaking of a totally different situation.

 

Its a losing battle for a lot of young people which is why the vast majority of people have parental support through their college years. And a great number of people live at home during their early and mid 20s. Easily about half of all young people do.

 

So its more of a norm than some people think. Unless you arent in school, and unless you are older, I wouldnt worry about how living at home looks to other people.

 

Well, when you're in school, that's totally different. The OP posited that he had to live at home because he could only earn 35-50K a year after college.

 

I paid for school with scholarships I earned and a basically FT job (some weeks were as low as 30 hours per week, but some as many as 50 hours per week), plus translating on the side. I also worked all through HS and saved up money for college for the months before I could get a job in my new town. However, almost everyone DOES get some parental support in undergraduate (even I got a little, though not enough to pay my bills by far), I agree, but we were speaking of continued support once a job has been procured, etc.

 

You are right, though, kaylan, that it was wiser for you to move home and go to college than try to make your way with a HS education and no real prospects. However, obviously someone at THAT phase would be far away from the phase I'm at in my life, having moved out and been to college and done many other things since --- but I'd never look down on them and truly would say that's the better choice.

[Stupid Girl]

As to the OP's attitude, anyone whose first priority is buying a house and material comforts doesn't appeal to me, really, so his "logic" that it's "better" fails because my life isn't about how much property and money I can accrue. I've lived all over the world, many miles from my hometown for most of it, sometimes halfway across the world, and I've lived in many apartments, with many roommates, and had a lot of great experiences doing so. The experiences were WELL worth that money I've paid and the freedom of buying my first house WITH my husband, rather than one of us having one like an anchor around our necks, is something I always wanted and will get. The simple fact is: People have different priorities.

Great point. The OP's position is essentially that nobody should take a vacation, because a vacation costs money - one should instead hide that money away so one day one will be able to buy a big house and get a woman to like them for that. Personally, I'm glad I took my "vacations" (both figurative - moving out when I was 18 - and literal), because I gained priceless life experience. Would I have more money now if I never took a vacation, or if I was still living at home in my mid-20s? Sure. Would my life be anywhere as worthwhile and meaningful? Hell no. If I died tomorrow I'd be proud to say I did what I wanted and lived in a way that some people (ie, the OP) can only dream of. If I died while living at home, spouting about how SOMEDAY I'll be able to make it, what a waste of a life that would be!

[ThaWholigan]

OP, just stop wasting your time arguing with these women. Please read my previous posts in this thread. As long as you have goals and plans no one is going to look down on your for being a young adult who lives at home...at least not in the real world. Why do you give a fvk what a few chicks on the internet think? Especially since its likely you wouldnt want to date them if you knew them anyways.

 

Come on now, I never even knew this was an issue for people in their early or mid 20s if they had their crap together. Like I said before, almost every single person I know around my age lives at home or just moved out in their mid 20s. All of my friends are college educated or currently in grad school so that says a lot. My old guitarist is 27 and still lives at home. He decided not to move after his dad passed away last year. I think its great hes gonna keep his mom some company. The guy has a masters in computer egineering and makes great coin and drives an awesome car...i think hell do just fine if hes ever single again.

 

Youre worrying about crap that doesnt exist much in real life based on my experience. The only way Id raise an eyebrow at a girl living at home is if she never went to college or if she didnt have practical and smart future plans that explained why shes at home. For example, Id not date some girl whos 22, high school grad, been in commjnity college for 4 years and doesnt really have plans of saving up or moving out. Super unattractive and smells of loser. If she was 22/23, a recent grad, and had a crappy part time job to save for moving out, or had a full time job yet was saving to move out even if it was a few years away, Id have no problem with that.

 

See the difference? Dont let a few girls who moved out as teenagers decide your worldview or debate you on this crap. They dont matter to your life. You matter to your life. Get a plan and stick to it.

 

Pretty much this^^^

 

I studied for a long time until my studies were cut short a couple of years ago.

 

OP, if you know what your plan is, ignore what is said. It isn't being touted maliciously, there are girls who will date you regardless where you live. The women here obviously have a different set of experiences for a reason - I understand that. Hell, I wish I was able to do a lot of things I have wanted to do but for being almost penniless .

[kaylan]

Well, when you're in school, that's totally different. The OP posited that he had to live at home because he could only earn 35-50K a year after college.

 

I paid for school with scholarships I earned and a basically FT job (some weeks were as low as 30 hours per week, but some as many as 50 hours per week), plus translating on the side. I also worked all through HS and saved up money for college for the months before I could get a job in my new town. However, almost everyone DOES get some parental support in undergraduate (even I got a little, though not enough to pay my bills by far), I agree, but we were speaking of continued support once a job has been procured, etc.

 

You are right, though, kaylan, that it was wiser for you to move home and go to college than try to make your way with a HS education and no real prospects. However, obviously someone at THAT phase would be far away from the phase I'm at in my life, having moved out and been to college and done many other things since --- but I'd never look down on them and truly would say that's the better choice.

And whats wrong with living at home after college for a little while? Whats wrong with doing some saving and paying off some loans? Not everyone gets scholarhships...most people dont. And not everyone has the time to work as some major are very demanding. Or they have various unpaid internships they did instead. OR, in most students cases, their jobs only cover gas, food, books and living expenses.

 

So most people will live at home and save up after college and they shouldnt be looked down upon for it or deemed as leeches who cant be independent. Especially if they are making good plans for their future.

 

I think thats what the OP was getting at. He feels that people like you who moved out as teenagers have a high horse snob attitude. Im kind of half and half when it comes to my feelings about both camps in this discussion. Both of you sound very snobby and condescending and not too practical. Either way, most people dont get the breaks you did with scholarships and a decent enough job that they arent in debt and can afford living away from the rents.

 

And before you say you didnt get breaks...let me say this. Yes you did work hard to get where you are, but you did get some breaks. Consider how competitive decent jobs and scholarships are among college students. The town I went to school in had VERY little jobs to go around because the town was so small. Essentially the college student population was thrice of the actual town population (those who live there year long).

 

I wasted a lot of money moving in and out of home between 18 and 20...but thats life experience gained. I did a lot of partying and goofing off those years. And I grew up a lot too, so it is what it is. Ive down both things (live on my own and struggle, and live with my mom and do better) and I wont knock anyone for either avenue they take as long as they have ambitious, smart plants.

Edited May 24, 2012 by kaylan

[zengirl]

And whats wrong with living at home after college for a little while? Whats wrong with doing some saving and paying off some loans? Not everyone gets scholarhships...most people dont. And not everyone has the time to work as some major are very demanding. Or they have various unpaid internships they did instead. OR, in most students cases, their jobs only cover gas, food, books and living expenses.

 

So most people will live at home and save up after college and they shouldnt be looked down upon for it or deemed as leeches who cant be independent. Especially if they are making good plans for their future.

 

For me, it's a priorities thing. If someone COULD move out and doesn't, they are not that interested in independence. I'm not saying they're leeches or lesser people --- I'm saying they're not for me.

 

I think thats what the OP was getting at. He feels that people like you who moved out as teenagers have a high horse snob attitude. Thats what he perceives and most people dont get the breaks you did with scholarships and a decent enough job that they arent in debt and can afford living away from the rents.

 

Well, I made my breaks, and I moved out when moving FAR less than 35K a year. If someone is down on their luck, as I said, I get that. The OP is positing a situation where that is not the case. I've paid off debt, and I paid off some pretty high medical bills from an accident at one time. I worked my ass off to do it, because independence was a high priority -- not comfort at the expense of it. Different priorities. The OP obviously has an attitude about other people's priorities -- saying apartments are a waste of money, etc, etc, missing the point of independence -- and I wouldn't say my attitude is any more high horse than his! Of course I value MY priorities more; that's why they're my priorities!

 

And before you say you didnt get breaks...let me say this. Yes you did work hard to get where you are, but you did get some breaks. Consider how competitive jobs and scholarships are among college students. And the town I went to school in had VERY little jobs to go around because the town was so small. Essentially the college student population was thrice of the actual town population (those who live there year long)

 

I chose my college based on scholarships AND the ability to get a job there. I didn't go to my first choice college or the only one I got a scholarship too. I started working on my college applications when I was 11 years old. The "breaks" I got were getting a good mother and a good brain, but nothing else really. A lot of people do less with more and some do more with less.

 

You can choose not to live in a small town (I chose a big city on purpose for college for the job situation), for instance. Hell, I flew halfway around the world for a teaching job when things got really bad with cuts and I couldn't find one here, rather than moving in with my folks. And, again, I made distinctions for those who are truly down on their luck, but I think many people will take the comfortable, known route that is less independent and settle in without looking at all the other options and then say they had none.

[ThaWholigan]

And whats wrong with living at home after college for a little while? Whats wrong with doing some saving and paying off some loans? Not everyone gets scholarhships...most people dont. And not everyone has the time to work as some major are very demanding. Or they have various unpaid internships they did instead. OR, in most students cases, their jobs only cover gas, food, books and living expenses.

 

So most people will live at home and save up after college and they shouldnt be looked down upon for it or deemed as leeches who cant be independent. Especially if they are making good plans for their future.

 

I think thats what the OP was getting at. He feels that people like you who moved out as teenagers have a high horse snob attitude. Im kind of half and half when it comes to my feelings about both camps in this discussion. Both of you sound very snobby and condescending and not too practical. Either way, most people dont get the breaks you did with scholarships and a decent enough job that they arent in debt and can afford living away from the rents.

 

And before you say you didnt get breaks...let me say this. Yes you did work hard to get where you are, but you did get some breaks. Consider how competitive decent jobs and scholarships are among college students. The town I went to school in had VERY little jobs to go around because the town was so small. Essentially the college student population was thrice of the actual town population (those who live there year long).

 

I wasted a lot of money moving in and out of home between 18 and 20...but thats life experience gained. I did a lot of partying and goofing off those years. And I grew up a lot too, so it is what it is. Ive down both things (live on my own and struggle, and live with my mom and do better) and I wont knock anyone for either avenue they take as long as they have ambitious, smart plants.

Yes, because plants are good for the feng shui of your apartments. .

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/327364-road-superstardom-journal-post

 

^^^

I think this pretty much sums up all my plans currently

[dasein]

There are a couple of other dimensions to this that people often skip over. Many people today consider themselves to be "green" or have at least some ecologically minded life objectives. IMO part of good environmental citizenship is minimizing one's footprint in the environment. Sharing housing while young before marriage, whether its with several roommates or living with family is a great way to reduce resource consumption, electricity, water, even gasoline.

 

It would be very tough to reconcile a claimed "green" view with looking down one's nose at someone who was living at home merely because they were living at home.

 

Lots of the talk in this thread doesn't have anything to do with living at home per se, but rather whether one is "mooching" and "remaining in the cocoon." Those things AREN'T the topic, and are separate from it. Sure, if someone is using living at home to put off becoming and adult, that would be a turnoff. But nothing in living at home of itself should lead to those types of conclusions fairly. It's case by case, and OP gives every indication that his living at home has nothing to do with his level of adulthood.

 

One final thing, the house v apt thing is also not the proper focus. The proper focus is savings and LIQUIDITY, which allow so much control over one's life in having options available. A person with thousands of dollars saved has options others don't, too many to list. Many people take bad starter jobs, get leveraged/debted up, then find themselves at a dead end with no visible escape. Liquidity allows the prospect of escape, switching gears, taking advantage of the kinds of "in the right place at the right time" opportunities that pop up in life. People who rush out of the house to "become independent" are making a decision to actually remain dependent longer in a very real economic way.

 

When I was in my mid 20s, I made a choice to buy a house. At the same time, I considered buying some cheap land in my area being divested by a paper company, and remaining at home. I chose the house. Today the land has risen in value nearly 5000% due to neighboring development, and if I owned it I'd be a multimillionaire.

 

A friend of mine on Long Island lived at home until he could afford to buy a duplex. He didn't even move into it, but rented both sides of it out and then had a side income of about $2500 per month on the house after all expenses and mortgage, it has quadrupled in value since he bought it. He took the income and doubled up on house payments, then took the equity on the duplex and bought a one bedroom apt in Manhattan. He and his now wife lived in that for awhile, then rented it out and MOVED BACK HOME. The upshot is that when they got married, there was never any doubt as to whether they could afford to get married, have a nice wedding, a child, or a house. They created options for themselves as opposed to buying into American consumerism. If someone told him he had been immature by relying on parents to boomerang back and forth after college, that he had not entered the "next phase" of life, he'd laugh right in their face.

 

It's not about "accumulating material things" as I saw somewhere in the thread, but about using one's brain to create options and opportunities that arise with liquidity.

Edited May 24, 2012 by dasein

[HallowedBeThyName]

The bottom line in this thread is that women are so obsessed with this idea of "independence, independence, independence" and it just doesn't make any sense to me. Me staying at home is a huge positive for my parents, it's not a burden in any shape or form. My mom loves having me around for a multitude of reasons - I do all the yardwork year round, I make food on occasions as I'm a fantastic cook, I can drive my mom and my dad from and to the airport if they're ever traveling, etc....

 

 

In terms of benefits for me, I'm saving up about 15 grand - 20 grand a year, getting financial stable and I'm gonna be very well set in just a few years. There is literally no downside here

 

 

I just don't understand how so many woman can look down on a man for thinking about his long term future financially and having a great relationship with his parents. It's not like I'm a mama's boy, it's not like I'm gonna be unemployed. I'm gonna work my ass of to make big money right out of college

 

 

Am I really somehow a better man if I got an apartment right out of high school, spent about 50-80 grand in apartments between the ages of 18-26, didn't pay off my student loans until 30 and didn't even get a house until the age of 35-40? That's basically what you're saying. You would rather date a man who didn't become financially stable until he was 35 because he somehow had an apartment. Is that not asinine?

 

 

Also there is no difference in a person's personality for living at home vs living in apartment. I'm sorry but that notion is laughable. I would be a better person because I go to sleep in an apartment than my parent's house? Come on now

[Negative Nancy]

We don't want a house, though we could afford one, as this isn't the area we plan to live in forever. I would never have bought a house before settling down

 

Yeah, I don't get this american obsession with buying and owning your own house at the age of 20 it makes even less sense since alot of people seem to move alot for a new job, so why someone would have a house that they would have to leave in a couple years again anyway is beyond me

[bean1]

A woman's need for a man who is 'independent' (whatever that is) is simply biological, just as men seem to be biologically drawn to many women sexually, we are drawn to a 'provider', the leader of the pack, etc.

[HallowedBeThyName]

Yeah, I don't get this american obsession with buying and owning your own house at the age of 20 it makes even less sense since alot of people seem to move alot for a new job, so why someone would have a house that they would have to leave in a couple years again anyway is beyond me

 

 

 

Talk to people in finance and ask them how good of an idea burning 80 grand in apartments between the ages of 18-26 is vs buying a house at an early age in a market like this where the economy will likely recover and house prices likely will go up in 10 years

 

 

 

Apartments are the worst investment around, you're better off buying a fancy car with that 1000 monthly payment. At least the car will have some value in a few years when you're done with it

[udolipixie]

Likely it doesn't make sense to you because you define independence differently. Another difference being while you may think there are literally no downsides some gals may see downsides.

 

I doubt the gals are looking on a guy for thinking about his long term future financially and having a great relationship with his parents. Most likely they're looking down on the guy for living at home as one can think about their long term future financially and have a great relationship with their parents without living at home.

 

You may be a better man to some gals if they attribute value to such traits. Though that's not basically what the gals on here have been saying to my recollection as I haven't seen any posts by gals stating they attribute worth as a man or person to a trait just that they're not attracted to or want to date such a person. That's a matter of attraction/relationship material not value or worth as a person unless one considers their attractiveness their value.

 

The notion that there may be a difference in a person's personality for living at home vs living in apartment isn't laughable to me as different experiences, environments, and responsibilities may have a tendency to change a person's personality.

[HallowedBeThyName]

A woman's need for a man who is 'independent' (whatever that is) is simply biological, just as men seem to be biologically drawn to many women sexually, we are drawn to a 'provider', the leader of the pack, etc.

 

 

I could be making as much as twice the money of the average adult in the US right out of college because of my ferocious work ethic, my hunger for money and my connections (My brother in law is a multi millionaire and either he or my best friend's family will get me a great job)

 

 

If that doesn't make me a "provider" because I chose to stay at home for a couple years and pay off debts and save up a house downpayment, then I'm sorry that's complete nonsense

[ThaWholigan]

The bottom line in this thread is that women are so obsessed with this idea of "independence, independence, independence" and it just doesn't make any sense to me. Me staying at home is a huge positive for my parents, it's not a burden in any shape or form. My mom loves having me around for a multitude of reasons - I do all the yardwork year round, I make food on occasions as I'm a fantastic cook, I can drive my mom and my dad from and to the airport if they're ever traveling, etc....

 

 

In terms of benefits for me, I'm saving up about 15 grand - 20 grand a year, getting financial stable and I'm gonna be very well set in just a few years. There is literally no downside here

 

 

I just don't understand how so many woman can look down on a man for thinking about his long term future financially and having a great relationship with his parents. It's not like I'm a mama's boy, it's not like I'm gonna be unemployed. I'm gonna work my ass of to make big money right out of college

 

 

Am I really somehow a better man if I got an apartment right out of high school, spent about 50-80 grand in apartments between the ages of 18-26, didn't pay off my student loans until 30 and didn't even get a house until the age of 35-40? That's basically what you're saying. You would rather date a man who didn't become financially stable until he was 35 because he somehow had an apartment. Is that not asinine?

 

 

Also there is no difference in a person's personality for living at home vs living in apartment. I'm sorry but that notion is laughable. I would be a better person because I go to sleep in an apartment than my parent's house? Come on now

I don't think anyone has expressed that they are "looking down" on people who live at home, just that they have a different point of view about things and life in general. I'm way worse off than you are, I don't have a degree and I'm virtually unemployable as things currently stand, adding to the fact that I come from quite a poor family. I don't even make £5000 in a year. But as much as it's a touchy issue for me, I don't take offense because it makes sense to me, I just happen to be on the other side of the spectrum.

 

I wouldn't take it to heart, if you know what you're doing and you're confident and assured about it, girls won't care, they will probably still want to date you. Not all, but a sizable portion. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that they look down on you, they just do things differently and prefer to date people on a similar wavelength. I wouldn't take that as an insult.

[veggirl]

I guess the plus of a guy who lives with mom and dad would be that he'd be forced to drive to ME all the time. I surely am not having sleepovers or sex sessions in some guys childhood bedroom on the regular. So that'd be nice, save me gas.

[HallowedBeThyName]

 

The notion that there may be a difference in a person's personality for living at home vs living in apartment isn't laughable to me as different experiences, environments, and responsibilities may have a tendency to change a person's personality.

 

 

 

I have friends who have switched back and forth between having apartments and living at home for various reasons. Are they a radically different person when they live away and do they somehow change back to a different lifestage when they're living at home? Come on now. How in the world are you letting such petty and superficial things determine what kind of person somebody is?

 

 

The women in this thread are saying a scumbag with a dead end job but who has an apartment is more compatible with you than people like myself who think about our long term financial futures and who will be financially set at a very young age? In what planet does that make sense?

[HallowedBeThyName]

I guess the plus of a guy who lives with mom and dad would be that he'd be forced to drive to ME all the time. I surely am not having sleepovers or sex sessions in some guys childhood bedroom on the regular. So that'd be nice, save me gas.

 

 

 

Yea if a girl was dating me like that, I would be very generous with my money, no worries

 

 

 

Not only would you save money on gas, I would pay almost every time we went out

[zengirl]

There are a couple of other dimensions to this that people often skip over. Many people today consider themselves to be "green" or have at least some ecologically minded life objectives. IMO part of good environmental citizenship is minimizing one's footprint in the environment. Sharing housing while young before marriage, whether its with several roommates or living with family is a great way to reduce resource consumption, electricity, water, even gasoline.

 

Sure. TBH, I don't understand the need to live alone. I have always preferred people --- for friends or dating --- who lived with roommates before they met their mates. (Hubby was living alone when I met him, but he'd been living with a roommate prior who'd moved away and then gotten a place by himself temporarily.) Personally, I think having roommates is an extremely valuable experience -- it teaches you how to live with others, get along, and cooperate with people who aren't your family (family will put up with more) and have no vested interest in your success or well-being. Again, people value different things. One of the things I valued in a man is whether he had friends who'd be happy to live with him and who he could get along with well!

 

At any rate, I've never yet heard anyone give the reason for living at home to be an ecological one, and many households aren't green-friendly regardless of the number of people in them.

 

Lots of the talk in this thread doesn't have anything to do with living at home per se, but rather whether one is "mooching" and "remaining in the cocoon."

 

Mooching is not the topic, but the cocoon is. One of the reasons the OP has stated for living at home is that it's a more comfortable environment than he could afford on his own --- to me, choosing that is choosing the cocoon: the comfort and familiarity of the family home over independence, which may be more of a struggle. That's not the same as "not becoming an adult" but also no one in the thread has really said or suggested the turnoff is solely about avoiding adulthood or mooching, as another poster pointed out. It's about the priorities presented.

 

If someone told him he had been immature by relying on parents to boomerang back and forth after college, that he had not entered the "next phase" of life, he'd laugh right in their face.

 

It's not about "accumulating material things" as I saw somewhere in the thread, but about using one's brain to create options and opportunities that arise with liquidity.

 

Liquidity IS material things, if you leverage it for property, etc. Again, this is about priorities. If your friend is happy with his choices, awesome. Same with the OP. But trying to sell those choices as priorities everyone should get on board with is a different story.

 

The bottom line in this thread is that women are so obsessed with this idea of "independence, independence, independence" and it just doesn't make any sense to me.

 

Great, that's YOUR priority then, but why the need to enforce it on others? Let others choose their own priorities and what they want for their lives and their mates and accept the consequences, negative and positive, of your choices. If you're finding it's hindering your dating life at the moment, you'll have to just accept that. I've made choices that hindered my dating life to better other parts of my life; it happens. Don't expect the world and other people to conform to you. If you're unhappy with your dating life, because of this issues, you have options to move out and change it, and if not, you can just accept how it is. Why the fuss?

 

There is literally no downside here

 

Well, if it's not negatively impacting your life in any way, why are you complaining here. Theoretically, it seems the downside is how it is viewed by the women you meet and want to date.

 

I just don't understand how so many woman can look down on a man for thinking about his long term future financially and having a great relationship with his parents. It's not like I'm a mama's boy, it's not like I'm gonna be unemployed. I'm gonna work my ass of to make big money right out of college

 

Because other people have different priorities and/or they want someone who's already advanced past that stage of life because they have. End-stop. Not that hard to grasp really. It's not about being "better" or "worse" --- it's about what different individuals may want.

 

Am I really somehow a better man if I got an apartment right out of high school, spent about 50-80 grand in apartments between the ages of 18-26, didn't pay off my student loans until 30 and didn't even get a house until the age of 35-40? That's basically what you're saying. You would rather date a man who didn't become financially stable until he was 35 because he somehow had an apartment. Is that not asinine?

 

Personally, I always avoided dating men who'd already purchased houses. So, if that's your definition of financially stable (it's not mine btw), then yes, 30-35 sounds a good age to get there to me, or sometime after marriage.

 

Yeah, I don't get this american obsession with buying and owning your own house at the age of 20 it makes even less sense since alot of people seem to move alot for a new job, so why someone would have a house that they would have to leave in a couple years again anyway is beyond me

 

That's exactly how I feel --- why be tied to property in a city you may not live in soon? Personally, I also wouldn't date anyone who had stayed in and wanted to stay in a single city all their lives; we wouldn't have anything in common. I've had too much wanderlust in my life. Monogamy to a man is no problem, but monogamy to a city? That's way harder.

[veggirl]

Yea if a girl was dating me like that, I would be very generous with my money, no worries

 

 

 

Not only would you save money on gas, I would pay almost every time we went out

 

I'm 29 though. Realistically I can't see myself dating someone who lives at home at this point in my life. If it was to help an ill parent or some such thing, yes, but that's about it. You're like 22 or something I assume, and I think it's fine to live at home at that age, if it's with a purpose which obviously it is

[HallowedBeThyName]

That's exactly how I feel --- why be tied to property in a city you may not live in soon? Personally, I also wouldn't date anyone who had stayed in and wanted to stay in a single city all their lives; we wouldn't have anything in common. I've had too much wanderlust in my life. Monogamy to a man is no problem, but monogamy to a city? That's way harder.

 

 

I've explained this many times, it's very simple

 

 

 

There is no worse investment than an apartment. I don't have a problem with people who do that persay because I know you want to move away from your parents but talk to anybody in finance or real estate and ask them how smart it is to waste a 100,000 dollars between the ages of say 18-30 living an apartments. You'll never hear a positive answer in that regard. It's money spent without any return of any kind

 

 

 

This is especially true right now with how incredibly low rates are with how many great houses are available at such a low price. You could buy a house for 200K with a very low rate, have a low monthly payment and then end up earning 50 grand or or maybe even more on the house in 10 years when the economy recovers

[HallowedBeThyName]

I'm 29 though. Realistically I can't see myself dating someone who lives at home at this point in my life. If it was to help an ill parent or some such thing, yes, but that's about it. You're like 22 or something I assume, and I think it's fine to live at home at that age, if it's with a purpose which obviously it is

 

well you're 29, you wouldn't date me regardless because I'm pretty sure you want to get married soon and I'm likely not gonna get married until I'm 28-35