Why Do Girls Look Down on Guys That Live With Their Parents Around the Ages of 22-27?

[zengirl]

You really can't bank money though and be debt free living in an apartment with the rising costs of tuition. I mean my god, I know people with 50-60 grand in student loans. How in the world are they gonna get an apartment, pay off their student loans and not get drowned in debt?

 

Hubby has a similar amount in student loans and will pay it off before the 10 year term expires, as well as saves money and has a 401K, etc, but he makes really good money. They say not to bank more in student loans than your first year salary, and that's a good rule of thumb. Hubby also wastes a lot of money and could save much more, but I'm a squirrel so unfair judgment.

 

I have 0.00 in student loans, despite holding 2 degrees (Bachelors and Masters) and working on a PhD. I got scholarships, attended lesser schools to save money, and worked FT while in college and grad school. I had some loans from grad school but paid them off in under a year by working extra hours, tutoring and translating. So, it's certainly possible. If someone can't do it, I guess they can't, but everyone selects their own priorities. I could certainly have saved MORE by living with my parents --- I choose to pursue jobs overseas with a similarly low cost of living instead. There are options out there -- house shares can be cheap too. I have lived in places that were $300 a month, etc. Not great places, but they exist.

 

Your comments also don't make much sense to me in terms of somebody's lifestyle being different because they live at home. How does living with your parents until you're financially stable make you less independent? It's not like your parents are supporting you or you're mooching off them.

 

I would be supportive of someone who was living with their parents for their parents' benefits (i.e. the parents are ill, infirm, or in need of financial help) but if they're accepting free rent or financial help, that is less independence and accepting that for the benefits: i.e. trading independence for saving money. Your parents are supporting you if you're not paying rent. If you are paying rent, why not just get a houseshare?

 

Furthermore, apartments are a godawful waste of money. You've probably wasted over 80 or 90 grand living in apartments. By your age, you could have had a house by now, been completely debt free and even have a good amount of money saved up in case of an emergency

 

We don't want a house, though we could afford one, as this isn't the area we plan to live in forever. I would never have bought a house before settling down! At any rate, I'm happy with my choices and happy I chose a partner who made similar choices. Everyone is entitled to theirs -- I don't look down on people, I just preferred dating someone with the same experiences and choices and mindset as myself. Many people do!

 

You're letting societal brainwashing that somebody living at home in ther mid 20s means they are less hard working or less independent over what is smart finances/smart living.

 

I'm actually just expressing my own thoughts and opinions on it, based on my experiences.

[SJC2008]

It's an ideal situation for me right now. My roomate sold his house somewhat last minute, some wierd bank auction so I said screw it. Anyway, I paid down about $3k in credit card debt and have no credit card debt right now. I need to pay off a personal loan so then I'll consider moving back out.

 

I hardly ever see my mom, it's just us two. I work evenings and weekends and she works days and is off weekends. It's really like I live alone but I obvously can't bring a girl home to have fun with!

 

Even if I move out it would be a roomate situation so I don't know if girls are carzy aobut that either. I could hear my roomates having sex all the time, I could tolerate it but I wasn't comfortable with it.

[Ruby Slippers]

Why in the world would I want to burn 15-20 grand year to live in a space that's a fraction of the house I'm currently living in?

In college with a roommate or two, my rent was usually $300-350/month, so that's about $4,000/year. I would have paid double that for the freedom of having my own place in which to do whatever I wanted. My friends who value their independence and space from their parents felt the same way.

 

For you, the benefits and creature comforts of living with mom and dad trump this freedom and independence. Like I said, different life stage.

[udolipixie]

I do everything around the house. Pretty much all the manual labor like mowing the lawn and yard-work. On top of that, I love my parents and enjoy spending time with them

 

I just feel irritated as hell when people act like my approach to life means I'm less developed or less independent than guys who make 40 grand a year, live an apartment and are piling up the debt

So you do periodical infrequent chores..?..sort of like a lesser range of a child doing chores for an allowance as from my experiences the chores are daily/weekly tasks.

 

It's probably best suited to question why you're irritated, how does that benefit you and to what extent does what you're irritated by impact your life.

 

If you're irritated because you feel judged well you're going to be judged by others in life.

 

If you're irritated because some gals won't date you well likely there will be plenty of other reasons why gals won't date you.

[Leigh 87]

HALLOWED - I totally agree with you! Your smart to live at home, because it will enable you to HAVE A LIFE!

 

..... To live away from home, if u want to travel for instance, u will not be able to travel extensively, if u have student loans and live away from home. Travel is important to my partner and I, and he does not want to work an 80 hour week in order to travel! He would rather live at home, work hard at a 50 - 60 hour week, have time to sccratch his @ss, and be able to see the world as a relatively young person.

 

I always resent people who " just because they were independant" they look down on people who want to save money by living at home! Hello people - ( couggh ruby slippers) some people HAVE DEGREES and are highly intelligent and wonderful - and yet want to save money by living at home!

To some people, plenty of hard working people too - NOT living at home is a hardship to them in the mid to late 20;'s - because they would have to work to the bone - at least 70 hour weeks - in order to pay the student debts AND live independantly; even that would not get them a nice life! Being " independant" after college typically gives most average waged jobs ; a *****ty apartment, no travel, merely food and the odd weekend they are able to spend out with friends.

 

..... Why work yourself to the bone JUSt to have a cr@ppy apartment, and NO time to socialize or work out? Much less travel and do anything truly remarkable until your well in your 30's.

To me, it make sperfect sense to save by living at home, so you can have a life that is not about pain and suffering!

Not all hard workers LIKE working so, so hard, just to be independant.. They would rather work hard, and save so they can have a life that is not so frought with going without.

How is it possible to be independant and also; have enough free time away from work to see any friends, have ANY time alone, to travel overseas, and to have a NON workaholic style life?

 

 

To me, it is easy; live at home and be able to travel sooner, have time to work out most days and socialize most weekends - or, be independant and travel much later, not have time to work out and socialize or to yourself to go on LOVESHACK.

I have enough self worth, intelligence, and things going for me, to not need to be independant to proove....

[HallowedBeThyName]

In college with a roommate or two, my rent was usually $300-350/month, so that's about $4,000/year. I would have paid double that for the freedom of having my own place in which to do whatever I wanted. My friends who value their independence and space from their parents felt the same way.

 

For you, the benefits and creature comforts of living with mom and dad trump this freedom and independence. Like I said, different life stage.

 

 

 

It's not a different life stage. It's just smart finances vs dumb finances. Apartments are an awful waste of money and I'll argue that till I'm blue in the face because I know so many people who make like 40 grand a year, piling up debt and not getting anywhere

 

 

according to your definition, they are more independent, hard working and at a more developed life stage than me, the guy who will have no debt, likely be making 50-60 grand out of college and have my first house at the age of 26-27. Do you not see how asinine this "logic" is?

 

 

 

Like I said before, I'll talk to you when we're both 30 and I have a half million dollar house while you and your friends are continuing to waste 10s and thousands of dollars on apartments every few years

[ASG]

In Portugal it is quite customary for people to stay home after college. Well, to be honest, people don't leave home to go to college. The whole going away to college thing doesn-t really exist, unless you want a specific course in a specific university that is in another city.

 

So a lot of my friends either still live at home or have just very recently moved out. And the reason they moved out was to go live with their GF/wives.

 

Usual starting salary in most jobs there is around 10000 euros and housing isn't exactly cheap, so it doesn't really make a lot of sense (and you most likely won't get a loan from the bank anyway!)

 

Also... what is this obsession with HOUSES? Seriously... I WANT to live in an apartment. I've always lived in apartments and the only reason I would want a house would be to have a pool. But I can get that in high end apartments!

I don't want to live in suburbia. I find that depressing. If I cant hear the busses and cars and people outside my window I go a bit crazy...

[HallowedBeThyName]

 

 

I would be supportive of someone who was living with their parents for their parents' benefits (i.e. the parents are ill, infirm, or in need of financial help) but if they're accepting free rent or financial help, that is less independence and accepting that for the benefits: i.e. trading independence for saving money. Your parents are supporting you if you're not paying rent. If you are paying rent, why not just get a houseshare?

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not mooching off my parents because me being there is actually a great help to them. It's not a hindrance for them in any form. If I wasn't here, there would just be an extra room that would be of no usage and my dad would have to do all the yard work and all the other work in the house. I live in the midwest, shoveling the driveway everyday at my big house is a huge hassle in the winter time. My dad loves the fact that I live here and take care of everything

[fortyninethousand322]

The cost of a decent apartment is what? a 1000 dollars nowadays?

 

I wish. A few months ago when I was a bit hopeful about a job I had just interviewed for I looked up the apartments in my area (within 20 miles or so) the cheapest I could find was an older small one bedroom apartment for 950 dollars a month.

 

Reality is women want a guy who has a decent job and his own place. Doesn't need to be fancy just he has to have "independence". Perception is reality these days and "living at home" is always perceived as "mommy makes you breakfast and folds your underwear".

 

This is in large part why I've given up for a while (and been away from the forum, only here because I'm depressed after the O's lost today ). I know I'm living at home for another 5-10 years minimum. So, when I get to the end of this tunnel, I'll pick things up again.

[HallowedBeThyName]

Also... what is this obsession with HOUSES?

 

 

 

There are soooooooooooo many people here in this thread who need to take Finance 101 to understand how the world works

 

 

 

Houses >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Apartments. Right now is a fantastic time to buy a house because cost of houses is so low and rates are so low. You buy a house in the next 3 years and it could increase as much as 30-50 grand in value within 5-10 years after that if the economy picks up again

 

 

Apartments are just wasted money. You're basically paying somebody to live there and it's a terrible investment

[Ruby Slippers]

Like I said before, why don't the men living at home date women living at home? Seems the perfect arrangement to me. I'm sure there are plenty of both out there.

[zengirl]

There's no inherent advantage to living at an apartment instead of living in my parent's nice big house where I have nothing to worry about. You're letting societal brainwashing overwhelm your logical thinking

 

Sometimes there's a benefit in having had things to worry about. It means the person is equipped to deal with situations and handle themselves independently. You learn a lot when you don't have that net!

 

Another great point. Throughout my 20s, my long-term boyfriends and I either spent nights at each other's places frequently, or lived together. If we both lived at home, where would we have sex and luxuriate tangled up in the sheets? The car? I want a man who can take me to bed - not to his room.

 

Definitely a reason why.

 

I'm not mooching off my parents because me being there is actually a great help to them. It's not a hindrance for them in any form. If I wasn't here, there would just be an extra room that would be of no usage and my dad would have to do all the yard work and all the other work in the house. I live in the midwest, shoveling the driveway everyday at my big house is a huge hassle in the winter time. My dad loves the fact that I live here and take care of everything

 

There's a space between "mooching" and "needing to be there to help." If someone was there purely for the benefit of their parents, sacrificing their own independence and needs to care for say a terminally ill or afflicted parent, I'd feel they were doing it for the right reasons. If the parents and kid are cool with it, and the kid helps out a bit but doesn't pay rent, it's not a hindrance but it's still not being done FOR the parents --- as you say, it's being done for your comfort and saving money etc etc.

 

Being uncomfortable causes growth! So there is something to be said for it, TBH. Anyway, as I said, I think people can choose as they like, but they also have to respect others' choices not to date them, etc.

[fortyninethousand322]

Like I said before, why don't the men living at home date women living at home? Seems the perfect arrangement to me. I'm sure there are plenty of both out there.

 

1) those women aren't usually interested in men who also live at home and 2) there aren't too many women who live at home in my area. In fact I can only think of one woman I know who lives at home and she spends most of her time at her fiance's house.

[zengirl]

OP: You think apartments are wasted money and obviously view money as more important than other factors, like independence or new experiences. I would disagree. I have plenty of money for what I need and I've got even more because I learned to scrimp and save like a champ on my own! I don't think I've wasted money living on my own --- I've spent it on my goals and choices and benefited from it immensely.

[metalambience]

I totally sympathize. I racked up $270, 000 in student loans despite working 30 hours a week on top of school. Luckily my employer paid off my loans in exchange I have to spend the next five years working in the boondocks.

 

Any girl who can't understand your situation probably had everything paid for by her parents.

[bean1]

I moved out at 17 and had my own mortgage at 21.

 

My first long-term boyfriend lived at home until he got married (... not to me! at around 24). Nothing wrong with that. For him, it was religious beliefs. I dated another guy who moved out at 28 when he had saved enough for a house downpayment. Again, nothing wrong with that.

 

If someone has goals and their reasons for being at home are well, reasonable (ie. culture, financial goals) then sure why not. If someone does it because their mom does laundry and they blow a mortgage on a fancy car then no way

[HallowedBeThyName]

There's a space between "mooching" and "needing to be there to help." If someone was there purely for the benefit of their parents, sacrificing their own independence and needs to care for say a terminally ill or afflicted parent, I'd feel they were doing it for the right reasons. If the parents and kid are cool with it, and the kid helps out a bit but doesn't pay rent, it's not a hindrance but it's still not being done FOR the parents --- as you say, it's being done for your comfort and saving money etc etc.

 

Being uncomfortable causes growth! So there is something to be said for it, TBH. Anyway, as I said, I think people can choose as they like, but they also have to respect others' choices not to date them, etc.

 

 

 

But it's a mutually beneficial relationship. I save 15-20 k a year in rent and my parents have somebody to take care of all the stuff they don't want to do. You think my dad wants to spend 3 hours wiping the snow off our giant driveway in the winter time during a snow storm?

 

 

Also why would I voluntarily subject myself to hardships that I don't need to face?

 

 

See this is why I get into arguments with women. I work on logic and I don't care about what society trys to do to brainwash me

[HallowedBeThyName]

I moved out at 17 and had my own mortgage at 21.

 

My first long-term boyfriend lived at home until he got married (... not to me! at around 24). Nothing wrong with that. For him, it was religious beliefs. I dated another guy who moved out at 28 when he had saved enough for a house downpayment. Again, nothing wrong with that.

 

If someone has goals and their reasons for being at home are well, reasonable (ie. culture, financial goals) then sure why not. If someone does it because their mom does laundry and they blow a mortgage on a fancy car then no way

 

 

 

thank you, very reasonable post.

 

 

Finally a girl who works on logic

[bean1]

thank you, very reasonable post.

 

 

Finally a girl who works on logic

 

I grew up in a city with the average home price of $800k-$1million and condos at $400k minimum so most people really didn't have a choice anyways!!!

[aj22one]

One of my good buds still technically "lives" at home. He does somethin with nuclear energy so he travels 95% of the year. Just takes a suitcase and leaves all his crap in his parents house. The guy makes mad money and his saving a ton on living expenses (hotels are paid for by his company). Just goes to show you can't judge a book by it's cover.

[HallowedBeThyName]

One of my good buds still technically "lives" at home. He does somethin with nuclear energy so he travels 95% of the year. Just takes a suitcase and leaves all his crap in his parents house. The guy makes mad money and his saving a ton on living expenses (hotels are paid for by his company). Just goes to show you can't judge a book by it's cover.

 

 

 

 

I have a friend of mine who lived at home until he was 30 years old, yes 30 years old and he was making 130 grand a year. He had his license taken away for 3 years because of 2 DUIs and needed his younger brother to drive him to places

 

 

Guess what? He's now 31 years old and has something like 400,000 saved up in the bank. By the age of 40, he'll likely have a multi million dollar house

 

 

According to the girls in this thread, he's far less developed and at a lower lifestage than the chumps making 35 grand a year, living in tiny little apartments and piling up debt

 

 

[aj22one]

I have a friend of mine who lived at home until he was 30 years old, yes 30 years old and he was making 130 grand a year. He had his license taken away for 3 years because of 2 DUIs and needed his younger brother to drive him to places

 

 

Guess what? He's now 31 years old and has something like 400,000 saved up in the bank. By the age of 40, he'll likely have a multi million dollar house

 

 

According to the girls in this thread, he's far less developed and at a lower lifestage than the chumps making 35 grand a year, living in tiny little apartments and piling up debt

 

 

 

I'd laugh hysterically if any of them work for the government, public education or some government contractor and claim that they're "independent". haha.

[collegeguy_24]

I am 26 and I still live at home with my parents.

 

I have a car payment to make and insurance, I have a job that nets less then 11k a year and its next to impossible to find another job in my location. I also have no health insurance.

 

My parents paid for my Bachelors degree in college, but housing around here is so expensive I can't afford to move out.

 

Plus my hours at work are always fluctuating some sometimes I can't even afford rent at some of the places around here in addition to my own bills. THis is why I live at home.

 

Luckily, I am very good at saving money, and this coming December, I'll be giving myself a Christmas present, with all the money I have now and will continue to store until then, my present to myself will be getting out of debt.

 

THis coming December I will pay off all debts, including my car. Then I may be able to afford to move out and into a place of my own.

[aj22one]

I am 26 and I still live at home with my parents.

 

I have a car payment to make and insurance, I have a job that nets less then 11k a year and its next to impossible to find another job in my location. I also have no health insurance.

 

My parents paid for my Bachelors degree in college, but housing around here is so expensive I can't afford to move out.

 

Plus my hours at work are always fluctuating some sometimes I can't even afford rent at some of the places around here in addition to my own bills. THis is why I live at home.

 

Luckily, I am very good at saving money, and this coming December, I'll be giving myself a Christmas present, with all the money I have now and will continue to store until then, my present to myself will be getting out of debt.

 

THis coming December I will pay off all debts, including my car. Then I may be able to afford to move out and into a place of my own.

 

And if anyone thinks you're less of a person because of this, well that says more about them than it does about you. haha

[zengirl]

But it's a mutually beneficial relationship. I save 15-20 k a year in rent and my parents have somebody to take care of all the stuff they don't want to do. You think my dad wants to spend 3 hours wiping the snow off our giant driveway in the winter time during a snow storm?

 

Right, you're not mooching, but you're choosing not to make your own way in the world. As I said, I don't "look down" on it --- it's just not compatible with my mindset.

 

For one thing, why would anyone stay in the same city (or worse yet TOWN) all those years? Why would anyone give up the chance to have experiences you can only have on your own -- good or bad, uncomfortable or whatever? I don't get it. We have different mindsets. To you, money is paramount. To me, it's not really --- experiences and independence and so forth are worth the trade off.

 

Also why would I voluntarily subject myself to hardships that I don't need to face?

 

Because the benefits are worth it. If they aren't worth it to you, then don't move out, but don't expect everyone to value the same things as you. Just accept it if someone disagrees with your values.

 

I work on logic too. By my logic, someone who's never faced hardships on their own isn't someone I'd want as a life partner! Then I'd have to teach them how to deal with hardship or they'd always be running to their folks -- no thanks. I like someone who has weathered some storms and come out stronger.

 

Again, this doesn't apply to someone who is living at home SOLELY because they have responsibilities to tend to but who wants/misses that independence they could have elsewhere --- very different situation.

 

ETA: If someone has hardships (the OP said making 35-50K -- that's not a hardship!), I get moving home for a bit to deal with it, but you may not be a good prospect for a serious LTR for someone who has a career that's already been going well for a long time. Just different life phases.