zerovandez Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Ok wishy washy changing my mind from day to day isn't working for me. I decided on two occasions now that i would get over her and I actually got really close. So that is what I am going to do. I broke up with her for a reason and pretending I could ignore those reasons is immature, there is no need to put either of us through any more heart ache than I already have and so therefore it is not worth pursuing any longer. I am going to do my absolute best to stick to this position. You are my EX right now lol. I'm certain that she has came to this agreement as well with herself. Thanks for the insight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author safetyv Posted April 24, 2012 Author Share Posted April 24, 2012 My ex made the same agreement with herself. She even told me she had feeling for me but couldn't act on them because she doesn't want to get hurt. Moving on will be tough but it's something I'm going to need to learn how to do. Link to post Share on other sites
rob_h Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/323583-crap-situation#post3963073 Safety read that thread and tell us if you think dude's in the same situation as you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author safetyv Posted April 26, 2012 Author Share Posted April 26, 2012 I'd say I'm in a fairly similar situation... Like when I broke up with her it sucked and I wasn't 100% sure of it but I had to do it to know for sure. I still don't even know now. I'm certainly not happy with life how it is and it has been 9 months. But all this being said even if I could get her back I would probably end up doubting myself a year or so from now. I don't know where to go from here, live life as it comes I guess and stop trying to plan everything that happens. Link to post Share on other sites
confused kitty Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 Safety if you two are meant to be together, it will happen when the time is right... For now just live ur life and enjoy it :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author safetyv Posted April 26, 2012 Author Share Posted April 26, 2012 Haha thanks ck. That's exactly the thing, I'm pretty sure now isn't the right time Link to post Share on other sites
confused kitty Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 You can meet the right person, but just at the wrong time and I think this is whats going on here. You could wake up one day a year from know (possibly longer) and realise you have to get her back, when and if that time comes, you will know about it and will no longer be second guessing your feelings and changing your mind, Good luck ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author safetyv Posted April 29, 2012 Author Share Posted April 29, 2012 i want to make my feelings clear to her. she doesnt know how i feel and for all i know she could feel the same. if there is any chance she could feel the same i need to know and if i get denied then i am in no worse a position than i am now. in fact id be in a better position because i would be forced to move forward.... so how do i go about it? im done with doing nothing, this is make or break. Link to post Share on other sites
Author safetyv Posted April 29, 2012 Author Share Posted April 29, 2012 Her brother is in on it, so I'm thinking... One night when she is at work, I will lay out roses and a photo album She made me on her bed, with a letter saying something along the lines of "I'm crazy about you. If there is the slightest chance we can make things right I will do anything I can to make that happen. Take a chance on me and I swear I won't let you down. Love safetyv" When she finished work she will go home to find it and fro There it's her move. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 (edited) Ask her out to lunch or dinner and just talk to her Edited April 29, 2012 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
beyond Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Her brother is in on it, so I'm thinking... One night when she is at work, I will lay out roses and a photo album She made me on her bed, with a letter saying something along the lines of "I'm crazy about you. If there is the slightest chance we can make things right I will do anything I can to make that happen. Take a chance on me and I swear I won't let you down. Love safetyv" When she finished work she will go home to find it and fro There it's her move. Safety, this is a lovely gesture and she'd have to have a heart of stone not to be moved by it.....BUT.....I've quickly been reading through this thread and notice you say things like you are scared you will hurt her again if you get back together, and that you don't really know what you want and you need to see what else is out there. Thats fair enough, but please if you feel like that, don't make any grand gestures to win her back. Talk to her, be honest with her, but don't give her false hope - that is a killer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
confused kitty Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Totally agree with Beyond on this one... Your idea is incredibly romantic and like something from a movie, but please, please be 110% sure that you can fully commit to her IF she is willing to start things over. Dont make this grand gesture just to second doubt your feelings after its done, that would be cruel! Why not take her out to lunch/dinner and talk to her first, be 100% honest with her and tell her exactly how you feel.. Then you could go through with Plan A, to back up your sincerity (depending on her reaction to your prior conversation) Link to post Share on other sites
Author safetyv Posted April 29, 2012 Author Share Posted April 29, 2012 Here is the thing. I tell myself that I may hurt her again it I'm not sure it's what I want or whatever because it makes it a bit easier to cope with, now I know the idea of a grand gesture doesn't just fix things automatically and we would have to talk it over extensively, but I need to grab her attention. A talk alone isn't going to do it. So yea I am 100% sure of how I feel. I just lie to myself to make it easier to breathe. Do I try and organise a lunch before or after trying this? Link to post Share on other sites
confused kitty Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Id go with the lunch first, just the two of you, where you can talk to her openly and honestly. And if that goes well and shes open to the idea of trying again then pull out all the grand gestures you want, to show her your being genuine and hopefully win her over... Good luck and keep us posted Link to post Share on other sites
tommycapnpants Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 (edited) i kinda feel like i am in the same situation as your ex. she has broken up with me 4 times now. the third time i finally had enough of it and moved half way across the country. then i let her back in my life. and i flew her out here a few times for a week at a time. everything seemed great. then about a month ago i was supposed to fly out there and spend 5 days with her. she called me a week before my trip to her and said she was having second thoughts again...and dumped my a.s.s. again. i went nc, and then the last two weeks she has sent me a series of texts saying "she misses me everyday, and hates herself.. wish she knew what she wanted...had a long convo about us with her dad and it was nice...i love you...etc" so we talked on the phone last sunday. and this time i told her i dont know if i could take her back again. because i have been hurt pretty badly. sure it was not all her fault, i had my faults int he relationship. but, jesus she dumped me 4 times already. i ended the phone call saying that i didnt want her to have to think about getting back together. she replied "she cant help but think about it." i told her i really need to reflect on my wants, us and what makes us great and what tears us apart. i asked her to give me a week to think about this and she should do the same. i made it clear that we need to understand where we have gone wrong and come up with solutions to the problem. well, i havent heard from her since and will be calling her tomorrow. i have reflected a lot. and the funny thing is i really want her back, but i am scared as hell to try again. so, by hijaking your post i am saying that please be certain of what you want before you put her through any more pain. you keep writing about how much pain you are in...you are the dumper. imagine how much more pain she is feeling. not trying to be a jerk about it. so please do not read into it that way Edited April 29, 2012 by tommycapnpants 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author safetyv Posted April 30, 2012 Author Share Posted April 30, 2012 Sometimes I feel like an absolute lunatic for wanting her back. It's so odd. Anyway I have been thinking and I need the closure either way it goes so I'm going to make my move. I will try and organise a lunch but to be honest I'm expecting a but of resistance at the start, so I'm probably going to have to be a bit persistent with this endeavour. Link to post Share on other sites
tommycapnpants Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 be honest with yourself and her. if you really want her back you have to make the move. you have to make her know you want her back. and you have to give her assurance that you will not drop her again. be the sun, not the moon. (i really dont know what the hell that means, but a friend of mine told me that recently). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author safetyv Posted April 30, 2012 Author Share Posted April 30, 2012 Thanks tommy. Can I ask as a person who has been dumped many times but is still willing to try what is it that brings you back? I find it hard to decide if I want to portray my emotions wholly as I don't want to break down and freak her out. I'd much rather have fun and enjoy the interaction but I don't want her to think I'm taking it lightly or expect her to come back without me having to work for it. Because I am ready to work for it. I just have no idea what angle to take. do I entertain her and show her how much fun we can have together? Or do I be serious and show her I will love her unconditionally for the rest of her life? Side note: my mum txtd her while she was drunk last night haha silly mum, she did reply though, and a friend of mine posted on her Facebook this afternoon (I sort of choreographed these, I just want her to feel welcome in my world) also her brother invited me over to their place this weekend to get high but I dont know if I'm going to go yet. It would be easy to make an excuse not to. I will be going to uni with him tomorow so will be leaving my car there. I like to hope that when she sees my car she thinks about me. Link to post Share on other sites
tommycapnpants Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 i think being honest about your feelings is the best way. i kept accepting her back because, in the end i thought she was worth it. looking back now it is possibly quite pathetic of me. would i take her back again? i think i would. i love her. back to your question though...each time we got back together she laid it all out and told me that she wanted me back. the last time we got back together was when i first flew her out here. i did not know what to expect. but, as she was walking out of the terminal she saw me and kissed me. it shocked the hell out of me because i had thought her trip to see me was just on a friend level. we talked about it a couple of months later and she said it just felt natural, that is why she kissed me. its hard to say. have fun and be the person she loved. but, also make your intentions clear. there is no need for games. Link to post Share on other sites
rob_h Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Sometimes I feel like an absolute lunatic for wanting her back. It's so odd. Anyway I have been thinking and I need the closure either way it goes so I'm going to make my move. I will try and organise a lunch but to be honest I'm expecting a but of resistance at the start, so I'm probably going to have to be a bit persistent with this endeavour. Don't make the gesture for your own 'closure'. Don't let her reaction to it be the deciding factor. You need to be 18362836% sure you want her back before you put her in that position. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author safetyv Posted April 30, 2012 Author Share Posted April 30, 2012 Trust me robina I want her back more than anything in the world. I would do anything to get her back. But i can't sit around in pain forever. I'm making this move because I 100% want her back but I have to try an take something positive of the very possible outcome that I may not get her back otherwise when it happens I would be absolutely shattered, and I don't know if I will be able to handle that. So essentially I am lying to myself Again in order to soften the blow that I very well could take. But that is certainly not the objective. Link to post Share on other sites
Author safetyv Posted April 30, 2012 Author Share Posted April 30, 2012 I have never made a bigger mistake in my life than letting you go. I have thought about you everyday since. I have never been so sure of anything before and I will do everything and anything just to have a chance at making things right. I swear on my life I will never hurt you again. These are the thoughts I want to convey. There are a million more in my mind but I don't want to overload her. Sorry for venting here at you guys I just need a place to express my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
tommycapnpants Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 that sounds good. however, i wouldn't say "i will never hurt you again." rather, i would say something like "i know i have hurt you in the past, but i will do everything in my power not to hurt you like that again." never say never right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author safetyv Posted May 9, 2012 Author Share Posted May 9, 2012 Ok so I have taken a bit over a week to really think this through. I have done everything Incan to detach myself from the situation so to see it from an outside view and lessen the blow of the probable no. I didn't talk to her over the last two weeks until she ended up coming into work again the other day, we talked for maybe twenty minutes. It was a little awkward I guess but not too bad. So I called her today and asked of she wanted to hang out tomorow, she said she is busy in the morning and may be busy that night and so isn't sure she will let me Know tommorow. If I do get te chance to meet up with her soon I'm not going to put any sort of pressure on it, just catch up and see how I feel afterward. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Sounds like a good plan to me Link to post Share on other sites
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