melbournite Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 (edited) Hi all, I understand I might cop some flak for this post but I'd like some feedback about where I'm at. I'm a guy in my mid twenties. I was in a long term relationship, 10 yrs and met when we were young. Fell in love and lived a happy comfortable life. We hardly ever fought and were very compatible. While we were together I never got across the line of wanting to marry and acknowledge that she was the one. My main concern was that we had met young and I wasn't sure what else was out there. Other issues crept in like a bit of a loss of attraction over time, probably due to being together for so long. The spark didn't die though and we still had fun. But I was always curious about being with other people een though i never cheated. This done my head in as I knew if we got married I would never get to explore things and I hated that it was an issue that I had to supress. So 7 months ago I moved cities to start a new job and we spent time apart doing the long distance thing. I didn't really miss home and I was excited to be experiencing something new. I wasn't really missing home and I saw this as a big problem. Other issues came into it such as what I've mentioned. She was about to move to the new city and I was freaking out as I wasn't 100% behind her because I wasn't sure if it was what I wanted or if I was after something more. Just before she was about to move my father suicided. I pretty much lost it. I couldn't handle dealing with that and the uncertainty of my relationship with her and my hangups about not being able to commit and invision her walking down the aisle to me. I decided to break it off rather than make her move. I was asking her to move away from her family and friends and I didn't want her to do that without me being 100% behind her. So, 5 months later brings me to today. I miss her a hell of alot I can't stop thinking about her. I broke things off because I wasn't sure and I wanted to take proper time apart to see if the grass was greener etc. Since we split I've been with a couple of other girls and she has been with a couple of other guys. Nothing serious but it did rid of the curiousity bull**** for me. Now I'm at a point that I'm not even interested in meeting other people because I feel like it's out of the system I'm just worried I can't commit to her given what happened. It's like you shouldn't have to be apart from someone to know you want to be with them. Sounds stupid. I feel like I'm going through a process to figure out what I want. I know now she deserves a lot better than she's received from me. She deserves someone that can love and give her 110% and I would love to be that person but how do I know I can be? I know I still love her and I'm really struggling to let go. Even just messaging her feels good but is this me missing her or missing the comfort of what I know? Above all I think I may have lost the one, or at least I'll probably always see her as that. Even when we were together I felt like we had just met to young and if I'd been with a few other girls, experienced a bit of life etc. it wouldn't have been a problem and we would have been married already. Any advice on this is greatly appreciated. Edited April 25, 2012 by melbournite
rob_h Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 Hi all, I understand I might cop some flak for this post but I'd like some feedback about where I'm at. I'm a guy in my mid twenties. I was in a long term relationship, 10 yrs and met when we were young. Fell in love and lived a happy comfortable life. We hardly ever fought and were very compatible. While we were together I never got across the line of wanting to marry and acknowledge that she was the one. My main concern was that we had met young and I wasn't sure what else was out there. Other issues crept in like a bit of a loss of attraction over time, probably due to being together for so long. The spark didn't die though and we still had fun. But I was always curious about being with other people een though i never cheated. This done my head in as I knew if we got married I would never get to explore things and I hated that it was an issue that I had to supress. So 7 months ago I moved cities to start a new job and we spent time apart doing the long distance thing. I didn't really miss home and I was excited to be experiencing something new. I wasn't really missing home and I saw this as a big problem. Other issues came into it such as what I've mentioned. She was about to move to the new city and I was freaking out as I wasn't 100% behind her because I wasn't sure if it was what I wanted or if I was after something more. Just before she was about to move my father suicided. I pretty much lost it. I couldn't handle dealing with that and the uncertainty of my relationship with her and my hangups about not being able to commit and invision her walking down the aisle to me. I decided to break it off rather than make her move. I was asking her to move away from her family and friends and I didn't want her to do that without me being 100% behind her. So, 5 months later brings me to today. I miss her a hell of alot I can't stop thinking about her. I broke things off because I wasn't sure and I wanted to take proper time apart to see if the grass was greener etc. Since we split I've been with a couple of other girls and she has been with a couple of other guys. Nothing serious but it did rid of the curiousity bull**** for me. Now I'm at a point that I'm not even interested in meeting other people because I feel like it's out of the system I'm just worried I can't commit to her given what happened. It's like you shouldn't have to be apart from someone to know you want to be with them. Sounds stupid. I feel like I'm going through a process to figure out what I want. I know now she deserves a lot better than she's received from me. She deserves someone that can love and give her 110% and I would love to be that person but how do I know I can be? I know I still love her and I'm really struggling to let go. Even just messaging her feels good but is this me missing her or missing the comfort of what I know? Above all I think I may have lost the one, or at least I'll probably always see her as that. Even when we were together I felt like we had just met to young and if I'd been with a few other girls, experienced a bit of life etc. it wouldn't have been a problem and we would have been married already. Any advice on this is greatly appreciated. You're in the same boat as my ex right now; "She deserves someone that can love and give her 110% and I would love to be that person but how do I know I can be?" I got fed this on Monday. Right now he is completely clueless as to what the conclusion will be and you seem to be fairly unsure yourself. Read this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/251986-grass-greener-syndrome And tell us what you think. Hope you're well.
Million.to.1 Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 Wilson should be along shortly. Welcome Melbournite... & hope you had a pleasant Anzac Day bro.
Recommended Posts