Eddie Edirol Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Boy, if that isn't a Freudian slip, I don't know what is... Oh boy, I hope that wasnt a freudian slip, I really havent been typing well lately. Let me rephrase Jen, Baby aside, I truly hope that you can resolve the marriage issues with your husband and find that you can live a long healthy life together. I honestly wouldnt want to see you two divorce if other problems in your marriage can be solved. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenwantsbabywade Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 Boy, if that isn't a Freudian slip, I don't know what is... Everyone's sense of humor has really made it enjoyable and fun to desire to keep coming back to the site. Even some of the hairy far fetched cynical comments have been a bit fun for us to read. We really do appreciate everyones insight! . Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 the general consensus is actually divorce or annulment. i dont think everyone has sided w/ him, not even the majority. i do appreciate everyone's opinions and taking the time to respond on their own experiences. I feel like I am being judged because I married a man that I was in love with and I hung onto his words that he would be open to discussing the possibility of a reversal, I also agreed to take on the raising of his 3 kids, etc --- again, all things i wanted. I did not consider however that in making this life decision (to marry him), that I was also seriously signing up for never having another child of my own. I feel like my husband has been using almost every excuse provided on this forum to justify his logic and why his stance is more rational (i.e. you could get a sick child, you will alienate the other kids in the house, this or that could happen, blah blah blah). This could happen to ANYONE. Hello Jen Wants Baby Wade, I haven't read your husband's thread yet but I think it's a very strong maternal desire to want a baby with the man you love. I don't think you two should get a divorce over your maternal desire and his lack of a maternal desire!!! I do hope that he would come around to see your side... babies and children are precious wonderful gifts from God. I am 34 years old and I haven't had a baby yet. I don't even know if I can have a baby. :( I would love to have a baby though, and hope if God wills, soon my husband and I will have the joy of creating a little life together!!! So, I understand your desire and think it's beautiful. I hope your husband understands what a beautiful desire you have too... to want to have a baby with a man you love is one of the most intimate beautiful moments in life... so I've been told and I believe it! Anywayssss, we both start IC this week, he said he'd go and I just pray he will take it serious and personally invest time into it to see areas that he could improve in our marriage and I'm not just referring to the B topic. I'm a woman and I have no problem going to a counselor and humbling myself to learn different ways of communicating or seeing things. My husband however doesn't really have a shred of humility. So we'll see. Again, I hope he takes into consideration that you, a lovely woman, want to experience with him, the man you love, the beauty and amazing experience of having a baby together. It's a compliment to him and to you; it's not a bad desire. Although I can't fathom the idea of being divorced again and literally tearing up the kids' worlds all over again, it is perhaps a strong possibility that apart from all of our commonalities, many areas that we are so in sync, this B topic, his inability to be empathetic and his ADD may just prove to be too much that divorce is something we both succumb to. Oh no I hope not. You know, with God's grace, the marriage can be saved. My Dad has bipolar and my parents have had many difficult times but also many wonderful times. They are still married and their love for each other has grown stronger through all the hardships. My Dad takes medicine because he loves my Mom, and my Mom has stayed with my Dad despite hard times, and she is glad she did. I really hope your marriage grows stronger in spite of the trials. Sadly, so many marriages fall apart... I hope your marriage isn't a miserable one or ends in divorce, but rather is strengthened through difficult times. By the way, to the poster that alluded perhaps he and I got together through an affair... umm not so much. If you read my original post, you'd see that he was divorced due to his ex's infedelity x100, her last infedelity during their marriage resulted in a pregancy of another mans baby. Do you think that maybe because his ex got pregnant by another man, that maybe this might have somehow turned him off completely to the thought of a woman he loves being pregnant? Maybe that's a silly question, but it did cross my mind. She immediately moved out and took up a house with the father of the baby and eventually moved out of state (w/out kids). My husband had a fling for a few months w/ another girl during their separation, and then we ultimately met and got together...He was just starting the actual divorce process when we met. Anyhow, thanks again for everyone's feedback. I go from being resentful some days and emotional the next. I feel hopeless for many reasons, mainly that I'm having to realize my marriage is overall failing, and not just because we can't decide which way to go on the B topic. I'll do some praying and hopefully find some guidance, 6 months into my marriage and we're already talking divorce. This is a very sad, humbling experience to say the least. I am so sorry. I hope that you and your husband make the best decisions for y'all and the kids, and that if you stay married, that your marriage is strong, healthy and happy whether with a beautiful new life or without, and if you divorce, that both of you do not give in to bitterness and despair and depression. It's good to pray and seek guidance. I am so sorry for the difficulties. I know what a beautiful desire you have, and I really hope that he will understand too, that your desire is a compliment, not a bad thing. Children are the most important legacy a person could have. Material possessions come and go, and get replaced by new ones, but children are living creatures who bring joy and companionship and can never ever be replaced. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenwantsbabywade Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 Thank you for the post BetheButterfly. We are working through it one day at a time. Its a daily struggle at times when I hear a baby, see a baby, hear the kids talk to their baby brother (husbands ex new baby), etc. the kids ask will your baby look like this, when is your baby coming, want to talk baby names, etc and I am happy and crushed all at the same time when those topics are posed. Anyways, working through it. Time will tell what fate has in store for my husband and I. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 the kids ask will your baby look like this, when is your baby coming, want to talk baby names, etc . Is it just me who finds it odd that you have obviously told these kids of your husband's that you are going to be having a baby? Clearly he hasn't. Children definitely don't automatically assume that people getting married equals more children. What happened to Wade? I thought he was going to be participating in this thread now? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenwantsbabywade Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 Again its been no secret to anyone that the expectation was to have a baby. Months ago when my husband was open to it he alsp participates in some of the fun chats with the kids. Kids are kids and are fascinated with babies. You make it sound as if it was done in some ill intentioned way, geesh. I would never do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 Again its been no secret to anyone that the expectation was to have a baby. Hm. I admit that I am a bit confused by the commingled threads by you and your alter-ego or husband, but I think this is the first mention in either of them that there was an "expectation" was to have a baby. Didn't this start out with his "allusions to the possibility of discussion"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenwantsbabywade Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 Again its been no secret to anyone that the expectation was to have a baby. Months ago when my husband was open to it he alsp participates in some of the fun chats with the kids. Kids are kids and are fascinated with babies. You make it sound as if it was done in some ill intentioned way, geesh. I would never do that. Again its been no secret to anyone that the expectation was to have a baby. Months ago when my husband was open to it he also participated a bit in the fun chats with me & the kids. Kids are kids and are fascinated with babies. You make it sound as if it was done in some ill intentioned way, geesh. I would never do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenwantsbabywade Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 Alter ego? Okay. Now you're just being ignorant. I am done talking with you. Thanks for taking the time out of your day, its no longer necessary. Take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenwantsbabywade Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 Expectation? Yes. A few months back my husband told me I could make the reversal appointment, so I made the appointment and paid the 500.00 deposit and have been reacheduling ever since so we don't lose the deposit. So yes at one time there was a REAL belief this was going to happen. Now granted the day my husband told me I could, he was also excited to purchase a whole bunch of new jeep parts for his jeep so maybe he was in such a good mood one could say he wasnt thinking it through. But one could also see how not everything is my fabrication of events. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenwantsbabywade Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 Actually, many, many, many, many well known women have. He is a Christian Physician that does reversals for the sile purpose of restoring fertility at an affordable cost. But that is besides the point of this post. Link to post Share on other sites
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 I'm going to say what everybody who reads this and the OP's thread has been thinking: I see nothing but fail for this relationship. Problem #1: the OP does not view her current family as a "real family." She constantly refers to the children as "his kids" or "my child". She doesn't seem to be able to consider them "our children". Hence, a reason why she wants a baby to make the family "real." Problem #2: the OP tries desperately hard to make it seem as if she's putting most of the work in the relationship. She points out how her presence enabled him to keep his children, rather than his ex. She is saying he's "disgusted by the idea" of having a child with her (in his thread, I didn't get that idea at all). She is saying, "if he really loved me," he'd want to have my kid. There's basically a lot of pressuring, guiltripping him, and laying the blame on him. Problem #3: OP is unwilling to compromise or see his side. Adoption is not an option for her. Nor is she willing to understand how he got the vascetomy before he met her. When he got the vascectomy, he was basically saying, "I don't want anymore kids made from my sperm." He didn't say he didn't want anymore kids at all. If he didn't want anymore kids, he wouldn't have taken the OP's kids, nor would he have suggested adoption. The biggest problem is the OP is glossing over her faults, exaggerating her problem, and blaming him entirely. She's the one in the wrong here. All in all, this is a good discussion because both the husband and wife have posted. I wish more LS posts had input from both people instead of the usual one-sided viewpoint of one person. Having both inputs from a couple is the best way to have a discussion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 Oxy, Great analysis on the whole situation, but I will differ in one aspect. If they are as Christian as she says, they will not divorce..she will be miserable, but she won't divorce him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 Expectation? Yes. A few months back my husband told me I could make the reversal appointment, so I made the appointment and paid the 500.00 deposit and have been reacheduling ever since so we don't lose the deposit. So yes at one time there was a REAL belief this was going to happen. Now granted the day my husband told me I could, he was also excited to purchase a whole bunch of new jeep parts for his jeep so maybe he was in such a good mood one could say he wasnt thinking it through. But one could also see how not everything is my fabrication of events. Okay, I have a question for the husband if he is still participating in this thread. Husband, what is your take/view on this post? Link to post Share on other sites
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