My 25 year old virgin gf

[Jane2011]

Just didn't know virgins (or just my gf) don't even like to climax or do alternative penetration stuff.

 

One of my friends was a 25 year old virgin up until last year. She did a bunch of things with guys, like going down on them, letting them go down on her (and climaxing), etc., etc. As a matter of fact, she was pretty damn slutty for a virgin, heh. So yeah I agree, I'd find that brand of virgin more tolerable because at least she's willing to do things.

[Els]

Jane2011 - I won't leave because everything about her is what I want in life. She is ideal in every other way. Faced with only a single problem in a relationship is not something to throw up my arms and walk away from.

 

Fairy tales are rare.

 

Sounds like a good decision.

[Professor X]

I was dating a virgin for 2 months - never slept with her, but did go 3rd base.

My friend dated a virgin for half a year before she was ready.

 

In other words, you got time, lots of time, so just concentrate on other stuff with her.

 

P.S. Stop doing all those teasing bull**** - blue balls can simply cause u to lose interest at some point with her and that's a shame.

 

I used to date someone, she was teasing me a lot, blue balls every time we met, eventually I didn't get turned on by her anymore. Needless to say, I broke up with her shortly after.

[dbave]

One of her plans of showing me her breasts was so that I would be 'immune' to them. In other words, not turned on as much.

 

I yelled at her, saying if I ever lost interest in her body and beauty that she should be suspicious of me and suspect me of cheating.

[Nightsky]

You're 23 and only had sex like 3 times? So you're not exactly mr. experienced either. You've only been dating this girl since February so if you guys are rolling around naked togather and she got you off once with a hand job or what ever that ain't too bad especialy for a guy like you. Heck for anyone.

 

She made you get a blood test looking for STI's? Well you should have her do the same thing or you have no respect for yourself. Yeah she says she's a virgin but so what you know you're not the first guy she's been naked around, heck the entire point of STI blood tests is to not just take some ones word when they say "I think I'm clean" so if she made you get the test time for her to get it... problem is you lost your trump card of just refusing to take the test yourself unless she agreed to also. Hopefuly the hyprocricy of her refusing to take a test she asked you to take isn't lost on her.

 

She isn't necesarily as virginal as you think. Do not confront her about this. I'm just saying this for your own knowledge. She might have had vaginal sex before and just not be counting for some reason like "I didn't let the guy put it all the way in so it doesn't count."

 

She does sound horny if she's jumping you. I mean she atleast enjoys being sexual. You shouldn't pressure some one into sex virgin or not because it just doesn't work. I mean best case scenario she has sex with you and is pissed at you. Worst case scenario she makes you out to be some kind of rapist. I mean what do you even mean pressure her. Are you have arguements this early in the relationship where you fight about when are we going to have sex. I mean you're not an old married couple...

 

She's getting naked and letting you suck on her boobs so you can't be that far away from sex. Just be sexy with her. Give her the baby steps she probably needs. Suggest rubbing your penis on her vagina lips. Sounds silly but she may be up for something like that. Then you could suggest putting it in a little but not all the way another time. Don't get annoy or fight with her about this stuff it doesn't do any good.

 

Bottom line if it becomes to annoying to be with this girl feel free to leave her with out fighting with her. "I really like you and enjoyed our time togather its just things arn't working out between us." No need to put down or pressure her. I don't think you'll be leaving though, you just strike me as a guy who needs to be a little more smooth.

 

Don't bring up blue balls its really lame and paints a gross picture... You havn't talked to her about blue balls right? haah

 

Like I said do what you have to do. Just don't fight about it and make is such a pressure filled situation. Leave the girl if thats the only way it can be. I think you can make this work though. If I like the girl I'd be willing to try and go slow... so can you?

[Professor X]

One of her plans of showing me her breasts was so that I would be 'immune' to them. In other words, not turned on as much.

That's.... stupid lol.

 

 

I yelled at her, saying if I ever lost interest in her body and beauty that she should be suspicious of me and suspect me of cheating.

You're 100% right.

[dbave]

NightSky - I never said I was sexually experienced. Just saying I want to push forward in my sexual life.

 

This is not a power stuggle between two people. This is a partnership between two people who have a common goal and just have an argument. If I ever had the mentality that this relationship is based off 'trump cards' I'd be a very shallow and deceitful person.

Besides, I did ask her to get a blood test when she asked me. No point in getting one for being jerked off.

 

I already asked about her sexual experiences. I know what shes attempted to do with her ex and is why Im asking for a blood test.

 

No were not a old married couple, just a couple with an argument.

 

Yes we've done that and that's called teasing.

 

She's with me still even through this argument because she likes me for who I am. I know for a fact that being smooth and saying cute things to her is a complete turn off. So no being smooth is the wrong thing to do. Being me is the right thing.

 

Blue Balls ... is what it is

 

"If I like the girl I'd be willing to try and go slow... so can you?"

 

I doubt that from what I've learned about your personality within a single post. Trump cards, power stuggles, your short temper and snappy remarks. Sounds like you'd leave.

[Nightsky]

Being smooth, being cool does mean being you. Furthermore it means not sweating the small stuff and saying things like "blue balls thats what it is."

 

Then you insult me based on my post to you? Very imature. Grow up and stop making mole hills into mountains.

[dbave]

MichaelJohnson - Thanks Michael. Lost sight of what I was on here for.

[Eddie Edirol]

Eddie Edirol - The problem with waiting for her is that when we were in bed messing around hard. She would look into my eyes and ask "What do you want to do?" in a very intense way. I'd reply with different things, sometimes passive like peppering her with kisses. Though if I said anything more intense like jerk off or go down on her she'd turn away.

 

So when I leave it to her, she just turns around asking me what I want to do. In the end I just said, whatever you want and she turns away.

 

I'm getting the feeling she wants me to be aggressive without actually making her uncomfortable. I've voiced this concern with her saying, hey I can't read your mind.

 

 

This is very telling. Seems like she wants you to experiment with turning her on without mentioning Penetration. She is so ready! You just have to take baby steps. When she turns away, that means you killd it. So take charge, NEVER leave it up to her unless she offers, and try different things that dont have anything to do with her vagina, or your penis. You will eventually work your way there, you just have to turn her on enough. She wants to get turned on by you taking charge, but not needing to involve your dirty spots. She WILL eventually not be able to take anymore and give in, but you cant yank the plant out of the ground until you have sown the seeds, and then let the plant grow, yknow?

 

DontWorryBHappy - Yes I asked her... She's always afraid I'll have sex with her and leave her. I've made promises, took her out on romantic dates and am going on a cruise with her this May. She distrusts me VERY. Always goes through my cell phone looking at text messages.

 

I don't part AT ALL, never go out and have few friends. I'm attempting to be more social since I just moved down to this City. She is very insecure.

 

Problem with this is, all the times you pressured her for sex cemented in her head thats all you wanted - you fed her insecurity. So it will take a while of genuine love to convince her that you will not leave her after sex. You will have to find out what that means to her, dates cruise and snooping though your phone arent cutting it. You will also have to keep explaining to her that her insecurity is a turnoff for you. Because once you pop this virgin, she will be seriously attached to you, thats a major responsibility. If youre not completely serious about her, dont go through with it.

 

We are both sitting on the couch and then suddenly she'll pounce on me after were joking hard. I pushed her away once and she got very upset like I was no longer interested in her.

if youre going to push her away, dont be real with it, make it a joking tease. You will have to deal with blueballs for a while until she is ready. It seems to me that your biggest issue is trust. So far you have been showing her that she can trust you, not just telloing her, thats good. You will have to keep it up for a while until she really believes you.

[Almond_Joy]

I don't see how making out really helps alleviate your frustration if you two aren't going to go all the way. You can definitely be intimate without being overtly sexual. Maybe it's just me, but once all clothes are off and hot spots are being teased, I'm ready to go! lol I don't prescribe to the idea of making out and just leaving all that sexual arousal simmering with no outlet.

 

 

It's really good that you guys have talked about your experiences with each other, and I do agree with other posters that if she isn't ready don't pressure. She's well aware that you're ready to progress to sex by now, so there's no need to keep bringing it up - she'll come around when she's ready.

 

On the other hand, I could imagine it's difficult not to talk about it if you two are often having these borderline-intercourse make-out sessions. Maybe you two can think about ways to be intimate that aren't overtly sexual....so that the arousal isn't a problem? Then when she does intiate contact that's overtly sexual you'll know it's because she wants it and is ready to have sex. Just a hypothesis. Tricky situation.....

[Almond_Joy]

She distrusts me VERY. Always goes through my cell phone looking at text messages.

 

I don't part AT ALL, never go out and have few friends. I'm attempting to be more social since I just moved down to this City. She is very insecure.

 

I know this isn't what you're addressing in this thread, but this is a huge red flag. You're setting yourself up to be manipulated/controlled by her insecurities.

 

Even if you have nothing to hide, it's not ok that she's constantly going through your phone, looking for evidence of betrayal.

 

This leads me to believe that the overall dynamic of this relationship is not healthy. It sounds like you are constantly proving/reinforcing your loyalty to her. I don't think a healthy relationship should have to be constantly validated with tangible evidence, which it seems is what she's constantly on the lookout for.

 

This lack of trust on her part directly affects the sex issue you two are dealing with. That is one manifestation of the trust dichotomy. If she is as invested in this relationship as she says she is and/or you seem to be, she needs to step out of her comfort zone and start taking you at your word. If your actions have given her no cause for doubt you should not be accomodating to this invasive and controlling behavior.

[kaylan]

DontWorryBHappy - Yes I asked her... She's always afraid I'll have sex with her and leave her. I've made promises, took her out on romantic dates and am going on a cruise with her this May. She distrusts me VERY. Always goes through my cell phone looking at text messages.

 

I don't part AT ALL, never go out and have few friends. I'm attempting to be more social since I just moved down to this City. She is very insecure.

Dude she has obvious deep seated trust issues. Why is she still a virgin after all this time at 25 years of age? Well its obvious it takes a lot for her to let guys in.

 

Have you given her reason not to trust you or to feel insecure. Do you know where her issues originally stem from if it isnt you?

 

And come the hell on bro....youve only being seeing her since FEBRUARY. Do you REALLY think a virgin who places a high value on sex will want to give her V care up to someone shes ONLY been seeing a month. My ex took 4 months of dating, never mind the fact that I knew her for six months before hand and established a best friendship during that time.

He's not a "douche" because he wants to be sexual.

 

It's understandable where he comes from, but I can also understand her side too. Maybe she's just a little scared.

 

Original poster, if it persists maybe finding someone who is more sexually compatible with you would suit you better.

Me thinks you didnt understand my post too well.

 

Wanting to have sex does not make him a douche. Pressuring this girl to have sex DOES make him a douche. Especially when shes a virgin and has trust issues. His behavior only makes her feel more afraid when they have to fight and she feel guilt tripped over her decision.

 

Thats UN-fvking cool. I understand being sexually frustrated can suck...but he can either deal with it for now or find a gal hes more sexually compatible with. That was my original point.

Edited March 14, 2012 by kaylan

[dbave]

Eddie Edirol - I think your right about your three respnses. Thank you for them.

 

Almond_Joy - Yes you are right it is a huge flag. I addressed with this her. There were only a few solutions. Break up due to her distrust. Do my own thing and let her distrust grow which ruin or hinder the relationship. Though I chose to say, if you want to know where I am at all times and who I am talking to, you must give me the same. I want to know where you are at and who you are with.

 

She asked me permission to see a guy friend for lunch. At any time I am able to pick up her phone and look through her messages or facebook. I allow her to do the same.

 

I do this not because I care who shes talking to but just so that our lines are mirror images of each other.

[Almond_Joy]

Eddie Edirol - I think your right about your three respnses. Thank you for them.

 

Almond_Joy - Yes you are right it is a huge flag. I addressed with this her. There were only a few solutions. Break up due to her distrust. Do my own thing and let her distrust grow which ruin or hinder the relationship. Though I chose to say, if you want to know where I am at all times and who I am talking to, you must give me the same. I want to know where you are at and who you are with.

 

She asked me permission to see a guy friend for lunch. At any time I am able to pick up her phone and look through her messages or facebook. I allow her to do the same.

 

I do this not because I care who shes talking to but just so that our lines are mirror images of each other.

 

 

That is a good compromise. If it works for you two, then hats off to you .

[dbave]

Kaylan - Sorry I didn't respond to your first post but I don't like being called a douche. I know it was a terrible thing I did. Though I'm not here to be punished, I'm here to fix my errors.

 

My gf and I are very inexperienced and what we done to each other was uncalled for. Our knowledge of how we feel is small and thus we are communicating A LOT! We sat down and said verbal is the best way to approach this because we couldn't understand each other's mind.

 

There is no reason for her to distrust me. Though as for her ex and the way she brought up (that Im now finding out) is possibly the reason. She gets very nervous in bed which might be a phobia. I have approached this with slowly doing more and more each night but she gets giddy and eventually closes. I thought possibly she is just nervous at first. It seems to be something more.

 

Edit:

 

Oh and I did this slow approach because I felt no one could all of a sudden say "I'm ready for sex!". Such a contrasting change seems unrealistic. I'm sure she wants sex. She's told me that yes, she wants to have sex with me but wants to do it when shes ready. I find it hard to believe a timer goes off and the girl says "I'm ready"

 

End Edit:

 

Anyway she used to say things like 'f*** me' naked which sent mixed messages and completely turned me on. Then turn away when things got a little too much. I would get frustrated of course and argue with her why she didn't want to have sex.

 

You seem very experienced anyway. Was your ex a virgin?

Edited March 14, 2012 by dbave
Forgot something...

[kaylan]

You seem very experienced anyway. Was your ex a virgin?

Yes my ex was. Which is why I brought her up. This was a few years back though and she was younger. I was 22 and she was 19.

[dbave]

Since you have experience, can you tell me how you two resolved your problems and bed problems? Did you two just make out (clothes on) and then one day she said I'm ready? Did you and her build up with more and more foreplay but no climax?

 

Since you've went through the motions you have insight on what path is to be expected.

 

Are you willing to share your experience?

[InJest]

Turn the tables on her. Tell her not to even kiss you until she's ready to have sex. Tell her that it's too much for you to take, so you two should just stop doing anything sexual until she's ready to go all the way.

 

She's not your girlfriend right now. She's just a friend. Tell her that.

[dbave]

MichaelJohnson - Thanks Michael. The "sex pressure" talk I had with her usually came after she rolled away from me in bed and I walked out to the couch. She'd call out asking what I'm doing and then we'd have the talk.

 

I won't say anymore about the 'sex pressure' talk because then I'll just be arguing in my favor and I want unbiased comments.

[dbave]

InJest - No I won't say that. We've cut quite back on the affection because it was a turn on (I'm not talking about peck kisses).

[kaylan]

He's not pressuring her by telling her how she feels. Just because she's a virgin doesn't mean he has to be zombie for the whole relationship. She's not the only one with feelings here. Her behavior makes him feel rejected. Damn she can at least be sexual with him if she's scared of actually doing it.

 

 

 

Exactly, so no need to call him a douche. That's ignorance.

Pushing a virgin for sex when theyve barely been together a month is not pressuring her? riiiiight:rolleyes: Whatever you say boss.

 

And no one is saying he needs to be a zombie for the whole relationship. They have only been dating ONE MONTH. What can you not understand about that? Its one freaking month...if he cant be understanding of her need for trust over a longer period of time, then he should leave.

 

You have a selfish mindset. How about being more understanding of where the girl is coming from. "Shes not the only one with feelings here"? Gimme a damn break. Itd be different if OP has been with her 3 months. But its been one month dude. How about you realize her feelings are pretty damn important given with how she views sex and trust.

[Professor X]

Turn the tables on her. Tell her not to even kiss you until she's ready to have sex. Tell her that it's too much for you to take, so you two should just stop doing anything sexual until she's ready to go all the way.

 

She's not your girlfriend right now. She's just a friend. Tell her that.

That's awful man, that's pressuring her into sex.

 

@dbave - just assume there won't be any sex for at least half a year, if you get it before, awesome, if not, then by that time you should know if you two are compatible enough to continue waiting.

[dbave]

Kaylan - I'd like you to answer my previous post please. If not, can you tell me.

 

Professor X - Yes that's absolutely right. That's the mindset I have right now after arguing with my gf. I'm laying off completely. It sounds like most of the individuals on here are advocating time away from sexual tension to really see how she feels.

[Jane2011]

Even if you have nothing to hide, it's not ok that she's constantly going through your phone, looking for evidence of betrayal.

 

This leads me to believe that the overall dynamic of this relationship is not healthy.

 

Just picking up on a side aspect of this thread (haven't read the whole thread). But I just saw this part about her going through your phone and texts, etc. I'm always amazed when I hear about girlfriends and boyfriends doing that to each other. And it seems like I hear about that a lot. Like it's almost 'normal'. I can't imagine having a relationship like that.

 

When I was with my ex-bf (for five years), I had spells of insecurities and there were even times when I accused him of liking some woman we knew. But I never went through his stuff. He'd sometimes even leave himself logged into his email at my place, but as soon as I saw it, I would log out without looking at anything. And I never scrolled through his phone. I had no problem with confronting him with insecurities, but I wouldn't snoop.

 

Not that there is a good way to be insecure, but I feel like at least I used cues that I had a right to (just observations of behaviors) as opposed to snooping and invading privacy.