Can I improve my personality?

[USMCHokie]

I am very found of women who are genuinely nice, who are kind when they don't have to be.

 

Of course, because they are more likely to be similarly appreciative of gentlemanly traits.

[xxoo]

For me, creepy is anything relating to sex or certain body parts. I can't imagine expressing the slightest hint of sexual interest in a girl that won't result in her anger or disgust.

 

This explains SO much about why girls never seem attracted to you. From their pov, you never seem attracted to them, either.

 

Some acceptable situations:

 

A girl at a party, or club, dressed sexy. She wants to be noticed. Walk up, talk, be witty, and tell her how amazing her legs/curves look in that dress.

 

A girl you meet in class, or in the community. Get to know her a little bit first (talk a couple different times). Playfully insert some indication of your attraction early on, after talking to her a couple times. A playful whistle when she walks up, or greet her with "hey, gorgeous!", or an exaggerated jaw drop and "damn!" if she is dressed up. It can be a joke, like "how am I supposed to get any work done with you wearing that shirt?"

 

It can just be a look--a look of playful exasperation, like you can not believe she is torturing you by looking so hot. I'm married, and some single men I know have given me that playful look--sometimes right in front of my H, who laughs it off.

 

Now, if you do a couple of those thing, and then you ask a girl out....she is not going to have to ask, "You mean as a date?" She should never need to ask. Your attraction should be clear.

[somedude81]

This explains SO much about why girls never seem attracted to you. From their pov, you never seem attracted to them, either.

 

Some acceptable situations:

 

A girl at a party, or club, dressed sexy. She wants to be noticed. Walk up, talk, be witty, and tell her how amazing her legs/curves look in that dress.

 

A girl you meet in class, or in the community. Get to know her a little bit first (talk a couple different times). Playfully insert some indication of your attraction early on, after talking to her a couple times. A playful whistle when she walks up, or greet her with "hey, gorgeous!", or an exaggerated jaw drop and "damn!" if she is dressed up. It can be a joke, like "how am I supposed to get any work done with you wearing that shirt?"

 

It can just be a look--a look of playful exasperation, like you can not believe she is torturing you by looking so hot. I'm married, and some single men I know have given me that playful look--sometimes right in front of my H, who laughs it off.

 

Now, if you do a couple of those thing, and then you ask a girl out....she is not going to have to ask, "You mean as a date?" She should never need to ask. Your attraction should be clear.

Oh, those are pretty interesting and something I would have never considered saying.

 

The most I've ever told a girl is that she looked cute or good and I never went into specifics. I was always afraid to be seen as, creepy.

 

I guess what I've done was never enough to get their attention as something out of the ordinary.

[Badsingularity]

 

 

OK, in that sense I am most certainly not bold.

 

It sounds like something that can not coexist with fear and insecurity.

 

Correct. Stop being afraid of everything. You have to be brave. You have to be bold. You have to make it happen.

[ptp]

So I just wanted to give an update.

 

I called the girl on Monday night, and asked her to go out to dinner tonight. She told me she wasn't interested. So I told her she seemed interested by the way she was acting, she said she was just being friendly..

 

How am I supposed to know what is "just being friendly" when many women here say they show interest in a guy by merely smiling and making eye contact for a few seconds? WTF, she was smiling at me all night?

 

Unfortunately, I am going to be seeing here again tonight so it will be nice and uncomfortable between us.

 

Do people think I should have been more bold? To me it certainly doesn't seem that way....it probably would have just made her more uncomfortable.

 

Would she have liked my personality anymore if I had been more sexually assertive?

[somedude81]

That sucks man.

 

One thing I've been told a lot, is that if a woman is acting what seems to be too interested, she's just being friendly.

 

Makes no sense to me either.

[Eddie Edirol]

So I just wanted to give an update.

 

I called the girl on Monday night, and asked her to go out to dinner tonight. She told me she wasn't interested. So I told her she seemed interested by the way she was acting, she said she was just being friendly..

 

How am I supposed to know what is "just being friendly" when many women here say they show interest in a guy by merely smiling and making eye contact for a few seconds? WTF, she was smiling at me all night?

 

Unfortunately, I am going to be seeing here again tonight so it will be nice and uncomfortable between us.

 

Do people think I should have been more bold? To me it certainly doesn't seem that way....it probably would have just made her more uncomfortable.

 

Would she have liked my personality anymore if I had been more sexually assertive?

 

Nope. Now you have to not care that she is there. BTW, most of the time, the way to see if she is interested vs just too nice, is that she asks you questions about you. But you NEVER assume she likes you. You just ride it out, and assume she is just extra friendly until you land a date.

[xxoo]

So I just wanted to give an update.

 

I called the girl on Monday night, and asked her to go out to dinner tonight. She told me she wasn't interested. So I told her she seemed interested by the way she was acting, she said she was just being friendly..

 

How am I supposed to know what is "just being friendly" when many women here say they show interest in a guy by merely smiling and making eye contact for a few seconds? WTF, she was smiling at me all night?

 

Unfortunately, I am going to be seeing here again tonight so it will be nice and uncomfortable between us.

 

Do people think I should have been more bold? To me it certainly doesn't seem that way....it probably would have just made her more uncomfortable.

 

Would she have liked my personality anymore if I had been more sexually assertive?

 

She might have been more sexually attracted to you if you had been more sexually assertive.

 

If she wasn't, at least you would have known right away! (if she'd wrinkled up her nose, so what?)

[Eddie Edirol]

The problem the way I see it is that, my interests, rarely coincide with the interests of a 20 or 30 something attractive woman. If I start talking about the subjects that I like, I am going to bore her.

 

If I was really into literature, I could impress a girl with my knowledge of Shakespear.

If I was interested in politics, we could discus the latest Rachel Maddow show.

If I was interested in video games and anime, we could discuss those subjects.

If I was a musician, I could sing her "your body is a wornder land" and take her home that night.

 

So I have to play to my strengths...and so far it seems what works best is being "cautious". I guess that is the vibe I give off....?

 

If I can't impress a woman with my intelect or my talent, then I have to rely on my humor.

 

Humor is what will carry you when you cant talk about the things you really like. When youre in conversation with women in groups or one on one, its about going with the flow. The conversation is usually about nothing. But how you spin that nothing is what drawzs the attention. If you can make talking about getting a flat tire funny, with a crazy story, thats what you do. if you can talk about slipping on an orange on the floor and make if funny, thats what you do. Thats simple stuff that everyone can relate to. Its not hard, and you dont have to try, everyone has stories, its mostly about the delivery.

 

If you can make the people around you laugh, youre golden. If you can WOW them with your story, youre golden. Thats all you need to do when youre at the gatherings. If you dont have a story, make up a scenario that would be funny. People will see how funny you can be when youre coming up with things off the top of your head. it makes you fun to be around. Thats all its about. You dont need to learn how to cook to join in on a cooking conversation. Just make it interesting.

[ptp]

She might have been more sexually attracted to you if you had been more sexually assertive.

 

If she wasn't, at least you would have known right away! (if she'd wrinkled up her nose, so what?)

 

How many times have you asked out a guy and been rejected?

 

I don't understand why people try to minimize rejection like it isn't a big deal?

Even a kid knows, you get burned, you stop touching the hot stove.

 

It seems like you are advocating I should just keeping going after whoever regardless of the outcome? Wouldn't it be foolish of me to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results?

 

I want to figure out what I can do different. Maybe there isn't anything different.

[ptp]

Humor is what will carry you when you cant talk about the things you really like. When youre in conversation with women in groups or one on one, its about going with the flow. The conversation is usually about nothing. But how you spin that nothing is what drawzs the attention. If you can make talking about getting a flat tire funny, with a crazy story, thats what you do. if you can talk about slipping on an orange on the floor and make if funny, thats what you do. Thats simple stuff that everyone can relate to. Its not hard, and you dont have to try, everyone has stories, its mostly about the delivery.

 

If you can make the people around you laugh, youre golden. If you can WOW them with your story, youre golden. Thats all you need to do when youre at the gatherings. If you dont have a story, make up a scenario that would be funny. People will see how funny you can be when youre coming up with things off the top of your head. it makes you fun to be around. Thats all its about. You dont need to learn how to cook to join in on a cooking conversation. Just make it interesting.

 

I can be funny, I am not a stand-up comedian though. How many guys are?

 

So should I take comedy classes? I could look into that.

 

BTW thanks for PM'ing that info earlier.

[xxoo]

How many times have you asked out a guy and been rejected?

 

I don't understand why people try to minimize rejection like it isn't a big deal?

Even a kid knows, you get burned, you stop touching the hot stove.

 

It seems like you are advocating I should just keeping going after whoever regardless of the outcome? Wouldn't it be foolish of me to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results?

 

I want to figure out what I can do different. Maybe there isn't anything different.

 

I'm married, so I am not asking out any men these days

 

But I do think that men who are successful in dating touch a lot of uncomfortably warm stoves. They take a chance, hitting on a girl they like. They are rewarded with a handful of girls who respond, and that's enough!

 

Flirt, compliment, greet girls you've met and are attracted to with "Hi, gorgeous!", and see who responds. If a girl blushes and giggles, or scolds good-naturedly, push a little farther next time....comment on her "distracting" shirt with an eyebrow wiggle.

 

If she turns up her nose--oh, well! You know not to ask her out. But no woman is going to be horrified by any of this light flirting, nor will you be "burned" by her lack of interest.

[Eddie Edirol]

I can be funny, I am not a stand-up comedian though. How many guys are?

 

So should I take comedy classes? I could look into that.

 

BTW thanks for PM'ing that info earlier.

 

You dont need comedy classes, if you can be funny, just focus on that more, it just takes practice. No need to be a standup, you dont want to look rehearsed or look like youre trying too hard. You want to be able to come up with something funny for whatever the situation calls for.

[Emilia]

Do people think I should have been more bold? To me it certainly doesn't seem that way....it probably would have just made her more uncomfortable.

 

Would she have liked my personality anymore if I had been more sexually assertive?

 

In one of my previous posts I think I touched on the type of women who appreciate bold. This girl is conservative you said, bold probably doesn't work on her.

 

You do absolutely have to consider your audience. If you are outgoing, flirty and witty, a conservative girl will be scared of you. Even if she fancies you, she will say no when you put her on the spot.

 

If however that's your type then I think patience is your friend.

 

You have to decide what type you want to attract ptp

[somedude81]

A conservative girl won't appreciate bold?

 

I was starting to think that bold was a requirement for everybody.