So Sick Of Being a Consolation Prize

[ScreamingTrees]

NO. Wait. I've got it! She wants us all to be understanding that she's a physically inferior empty shell of a person. You know what? You're totally right. You're right, we're all wrong. You SHOULD get surgery to correct mother nature's terrible mistakes. How dare we challenge her defeatist views?

 

How is it negative to tell you the truth about your views that are NOT helping you get what you want. Then again, you'll never change. The dozens of future posts in this thread will not change anything.

 

C'mon, people, post the same **** over and over again, she's obviously undergoing a great transformation as we speak thanks to all of your help.

 

Personally, I know it's unrealistic to think I'm going to suddenly meet the girl of my dreams who'll look into my eyes and just swoon.. I'm content with not being the first choice, if I'm the last choice. That means that, well, SURE.. the other guy was in her life first for whatever reason, probably because she simply met him first.. but over time she knew she didn't want him, and now she's with me for good. In the end, I'm the superior one. It's not as if every partner we have is going to line us up next to their other potential choices and go "hmmm, I'm going to pick this guy first, he's better looking. I'll talk to YOU after #1 and I break up, alright, #2?"

[poodle]

I haven't read every reply, so sorry in advance if I'm repeating something that's already been said.

 

To be honest, I think everybody is seen as a consolidation prize on the first date. Don't you continue dating because you've been rejected by whoever came before them? It works that way for everyone. Instead of looking at it as a bad thing, accept that it's the way dating works and do your best to outshine whoever came before you.

Edited February 16, 2012 by poodle

[Eve]

To be honest, I don't think this is an uncommon complaint amongst women. I would expect it to be more dominant in a teen but have encountered this sort of negative feedback loop in real life.

 

Methinks it is linked to this idea that once a boy/man tells you that you are beautiful the fairytale can begin. Works for some I suppose.

 

So, I just see the OP as being very stuck currently.

 

Try something new OP!

 

Take care,

Eve x

[oaks]

No progress on either side. Everybody is so quick to diagnose me and argue with me,

 

Well, you have asked for advice, so don't be surprised to have received some. You have then discounted, dismissed and disagreed with pretty much all of it, so I don't think the arguments are entirely started by everybody else.

 

Did you really find nothing constructive to take away from this thread? Nothing you can try? You've tried, or cannot try, everything suggested? Really? Fair enough, our advice is only worth what you're paying for it so get professional help (although, that advice has been given previously and repeatedly).

[Professor X]

I have them all here.

 

[]D ][ ]\/[ []D Mme. Chaucer

[zengirl]

OK, then I was completely misunderstanding the abundance mentality. Possibly because I first became aware of it through pick up.

 

Yeah, I'm speaking of actual Taoist philosophy. I'm sure that there are many books that take such ideas so far away from their origins that I don't know if they're the same.

 

It basically said that a guy who can sleep with a lot of women has an abundance mentality because he has what he wants and that mentality makes him more attractive to women. Then it says that guys who are doing poorly with women should adopt the abundance mentality and it will attract women.

 

Well. . . it might. I mean, I think a combination of an attitude of gratitude, self-worth, and an abundance mentality are pretty powerful things that generally work for you in a myriad of ways. But what's not going to happen is you acting like you're hot stuff in order to get girls and then that succeeding most of the time. . . for a couple reasons. 1) It's very transactional, and thus not an authentic view of abundance, and 2) It's ignoring all the other reasons someone is having success. And there's a difference between, "Believe you will succeed" and "Pretend you are succeeding." One is purely positive---it's just hope and faith and self-worth, and the other is pretending and denying the truth of a particular moment. Accepting failure is a big part of success.

 

Most people who are defeatist -- I would count yourself and V among them IMO -- are afraid of failure. Being afraid of failure and fixating on that fear is the surest way to fail.

 

It all sounded like a bunch of new age BS.

 

The way it's written, I certainly understand that. I read a lot of books with some good points that take it very far into new age territory, which isn't my style. But it's all about finding something that works, at the end of the day. One of my favorite parts of the book V was talking about (The Tao of Dating; there's one for men and one for women; they don't differ that much in this idea, and I've read both) is the notion of beliefs. We all have beliefs about ourselves and our lives, they cost nothing, in many cases (especially regarding future events) they can not be proven nor disproven, so why not choose the beliefs that work BEST. What is there to lose?

 

As for what you are saying, I know there is an abundant world out there and there are a lot of possible women to date. But getting provided with what I want is hard to believe. I currently have a victim mentality and believe that fate is actively fighting against me. There is no other explanation.

 

There are loads of other explanations---one of them being that people with victim mentalities are usually victimized.

 

I have tried to do things to change my attitude, improve myself etc, but it is mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting to keep going on and on. It would be great to actually get a victory for once.

 

If what you are doing is exhausting and getting harder (rather than easier) over time, it is not changing yourself for the better in a real, authentic way. The truth is you haven't found the best way to be yet, then.

 

That's seemingly awfully.... religious. I didn't buy it from a Christian standpoint either. "Pray, have faith, and God will deliver.... sometime. And probably not in a way you want. But in the way you need, because you're obviously too dumb to figure out what you actually need and ask for that."

 

Not really what I said. It is rather metaphysical, sure. Religious, no. I listed no rules or moral codes to follow, no communities to form, no formal worship. Spiritual? Probably, yes.

 

I don't pray. I don't rely on pure faith. I don't think God has much to do with it, and my version of "God" differs from the Christian God greatly. (My personal beliefs are a mix of Buddhism, with influence of Taoism and Kabbalah.) And "God" wasn't really involved in what I was saying.

 

I'm talking about finding an approach to the world, beliefs, and a mindset that works and brings you better things than you're currently getting. It's not a magic fix. It probably won't bring you a perfect, sexy man tomorrow. It won't eliminate all heartache and rejection and pain from your life. What it CAN do is make your life overall more positive, including your love life, with time, real internal change, and work.

 

It's also not about getting what you need vs. what you want, unless what you want is constantly fighting against the world. I do not believe abundance mentality can make, say, an INDIVIDUAL fall in love with you. But most people, even when they think what they really want is Person X, want the same things in life -- love, security, comfort, joy. . . I think these things are all attainable, and I think they're more attainable if we are a bit more accepting of them coming in different forms and different ways. And, no, I've never found someone who could dictate time frames for when love would or wouldn't arrive. So what? Is that a reason to be miserable?

 

Additionally, if this abundance mentality is so true, it sure takes an awful lot of effort to make it happen... Look at how much you listed off, and even if you do those things, you might not end up with what you want anyway. So I change my entire attitude, AND work on myself, AND "do the right things" (which are what, exactly?) and I still might end up alone, because the universe has decided I don't need a relationship.

 

I don't see the Universe as a "decider." I see it more as a reflection of what we choose to believe, do, request, make happen, etc. But this is an interesting point because it suggests something very common: that you are afraid of being too happy now because you feel like staying negative and in want is more likely to get you what you think you're lacking. But it's not working, and it won't work.

 

I don't really feel like having a better mentality takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of work at first but if you're doing the right things (which -- and this is going to bother you -- aren't the same for everyone), it starts to feel natural and you start to feel better. And then it takes sustained work over time, but by then, the work is kind of enjoyable.

 

And, again, what have you got to lose?

 

Well, shoot, Universe, just tell me that straight up and let me get back to reading and video games, instead of twisting myself into New Age knots.

 

The problem with this is that the Universe (in my schema, which may or may not be right, but that's the abundance nature we're describing) doesn't decide jack ****. You do, with the way you think, act, and approach the world. And yes, your thoughts and beliefs impact it too!

 

If you'd like to decide to be happy with reading and video games, that's totally positive and healthy IF you can decide to be happy with it and not fixate on what you don't have.

 

What I have to lose, is time and a sense of rightness. Time spent pushing myself into all these uncomfortable and (in my viewpoint) delusional (when applied to me) mindsets to try to achieve what I want, without any guarantee of success, while taking time away from the things I enjoy.

 

There are no guarantees in life. You aren't guaranteed to wake up tomorrow. You probably will, but you may not.

 

I think focusing on things you enjoy is important. I'm not suggesting you take any time away from things you enjoy. I'm suggesting you change your beliefs and maybe spend the time you spend dwelling on negatives in a productive manner that will help you fix your mentality. If you can put this all out of your mind and be perfectly 100% happy doing just the things you enjoy, then I think you'd naturally be happier, but you are constantly showing us you CAN'T. Which is what makes me suggest you need to take some time for a mental makeover.

 

A lot of people don't have to consciously do this stuff. After awhile, you wouldn't either. You would just be happy, and do the things you enjoy, and believe life was a-okay, and better things would naturally happen.

 

Now, if you'd rather be miserable and "right" about it, you can choose that. But, personally, I'd rather be happy. YMMV.

 

When I say "rightness," what I mean most accurately is this idea that I'll try something, it won't work, and I'll be left at the end of an exhausting endeavor telling myself," Told ya so." I'd just wasted time, energy, money on something I knew wasn't gonna fly from the first, but I gave it a try only to land on my face. It isn't the actual failure I fear... it's the lose of all that 'me' I put into it trying to get it to work, when I could have been putting that towards something I enjoy.

 

To be clear, I don't agree with transactional strategies.

 

I'm not suggesting you do things JUST to get a man. I'm suggesting you do things to be happier, healthier, and develop greater self-worth, which will in turn positively impact every part of your life. At the very least, I'm suggesting you stop fixating on ridiculous stats and such to tell yourself how you're going to fail before it even happens.

 

Do you know how much energy you're WASTING on predicting failure? WAY, way, way, way more than I'm suggesting you use to predict success (and to be clear, not success every single time you try something) or at least happiness and okayness.

 

I'll come right out and say it.... all those positive self-help books I've read? I don't enjoy them. I find them cliched and pandering. No matter how hard I tried to force myself, affirmations felt fake and stupid, and I ended up walking away from the mirror disliking myself more for doing something so utterly pointless. More than that, the "grow your self-esteem!" articles and seminars and books make no sense to me. I find them intellectually draining, like trying to read a foreign language you don't understand.

 

Then, they won't help you. Though I'm not a huge fan of self-help books either and the few books I listed are quite a bit different. But if you go in believing something is just SO horrible, no, it won't help you. But you think that way about everything! There are many ways to go about finding a more positive outlook, and tons of people have given tons of suggestions and jumping off points in this thread, but there are 1000s of other ways out there.

 

But until you open your mind to change, your life and mind will stay EXACTLY the same: miserable. So, I'd suggest doing something.

 

Like this whole Tao concept. I don't get it. I just don't. I don't get the broken cup, I've never been able to clear my mind (and I try weekly, because of my martial art.) How can I possibly embrace something I don't understand? How can I cultivate a positive attitude when just reading the things that are supposed to help me make me sour?

 

Clearing your mind is Zen, not Tao. But okay. Here's a little secret about zazen (which is the meditation where you clear your mind)---it is nearly impossible to totally achieve. I have been meditating for YEARS (every day), and I have actually achieved perfect blankness maybe a few times (it feels amazing, better than the best orgasm in the world, btw) for a few minutes each time. Most days I don't get any farther than thinking about not thinking, but, hey, that's holding ONE thought in my mind instead of 20, so it's still good.

 

And, you know, it's entirely possible your positive attitude needs to come from somewhere different than mine did. Eastern philosophy isn't for everyone. But you're resistant to everyone's advice, whenever it attempts a more positive spin!

 

Freudian slip?

 

Ha, probably.

 

You can't be serious. No one here hates you. If anything, they hate how you continuously talk down on yourself and your potential in finding someone. I doubt certain posters would even bother typing paragraphs of suggestions for someone they hate. Forgive me for saying this, but I'm sure a good amount of people people who participates in your topics would love to see you succeed instead of constantly complaining.

 

At the end of the day, there's only but so much people on a forum can do. You think the people here are doing nothing but judging, while many of them are trying to get you to change your perspective and start looking at things differently.

 

Seriously!

 

NO. Wait. I've got it! She wants us all to be understanding that she's a physically inferior empty shell of a person. You know what? You're totally right. You're right, we're all wrong. You SHOULD get surgery to correct mother nature's terrible mistakes. How dare we challenge her defeatist views?

 

Right. She wants validation that she's going to be miserable forever and that there's nothing she can do to change it and that there's no hope. Well, the first may be true, but only if she DECIDES to be miserable forever, and she doesn't want to take ownership. It's why most miserable people are miserable.

[EnigmaticClarity]

Clearing your mind is Zen, not Tao. But okay. Here's a little secret about zazen (which is the meditation where you clear your mind)---it is nearly impossible to totally achieve. I have been meditating for YEARS (every day), and I have actually achieved perfect blankness maybe a few times (it feels amazing, better than the best orgasm in the world, btw) for a few minutes each time. Most days I don't get any farther than thinking about not thinking, but, hey, that's holding ONE thought in my mind instead of 20, so it's still good.

 

Around the age of 21 or 22, I spent around 1.5 to 2.5 days in a blank state...it was life-changing. I felt then as if enlightenment had hit me. Blank state isn't the right way to describe it--the world pours into me when I'm blank...I experience the sights, sounds, and smells around me far more than usual because my mind isn't lost in thought obscuring the full world around me as it usually does. "The Way of Zen" was my guide...Alan Watts was an American author, and he relates it to a Western style of thinking far better than I've seen anywhere else.

 

Since I did it that one greatly extended period of time, whenever I need it, I just clear my mind, zap, and it happens. I usually don't need it, maybe a few times a week. I actually did it much of last night because my girlfriend and I may be breaking up.

[zengirl]

Around the age of 21 or 22, I spent around 1.5 to 2.5 days in a blank state...it was life-changing. I felt then as if enlightenment had hit me. Blank state isn't the right way to describe it--the world pours into me when I'm blank...I experience the sights, sounds, and smells around me far more than usual because my mind isn't lost in thought obscuring the full world around me as it usually does. "The Way of Zen" was my guide...Alan Watts was an American author, and he relates it to a Western style of thinking far better than I've seen anywhere else.

 

Since I did it that one greatly extended period of time, whenever I need it, I just clear my mind, zap, and it happens. I usually don't need it, maybe a few times a week. I actually did it much of last night because my girlfriend and I may be breaking up.

 

Actually, that's a different state of Zen than the one I'm describing. I know what you're talking about as well, in terms of the state of being in the moment so severely when you're actually going about your day. Monks experience that as well, and it's why they do meaningful work and meditation with movement and such. I was speaking of actual blank wall meditation where you can literally hold absolutely nothing in your mind---not even what is present.

 

A lot of people think "blank state" is the only or primary mode of Zen. It is not---I would say the one you mention is more primary and essential. But there is a reason for both states, and I wouldn't say the two were the same, personally. Just my 2 cents.

 

Sorry to hear about issues with you and your GF btw.

[EnigmaticClarity]

I was speaking of actual blank wall meditation where you can literally hold absolutely nothing in your mind---not even what is present.

 

A lot of people think "blank state" is the only or primary mode of Zen. It is not---I would say the one you mention is more primary and essential. But there is a reason for both states, and I wouldn't say the two were the same, personally.

 

So in the blank state you're referring to, do you shut out your senses as well? I haven't actively read about Zen for almost two decades, so if I knew this, I forget it. I've tried within the last year to recall with meditation whether you are intended to shut your senses out or not and been unable to find a consistent answer to it.

 

Also, what does the "blank state" help you to achieve? I would assume it's useful when you're thinking too much or too negatively and it's causing you problems. Is that what keeps you doing it every day?

 

Thanks for the consolation regarding my girlfriend. I'll be fine, but it sucks a lot for now.

[zengirl]

So in the blank state you're referring to, do you shut out your senses as well? I haven't actively read about Zen for almost two decades, so if I knew this, I forget it. I've tried within the last year to recall with meditation whether you are intended to shut your senses out or not and been unable to find a consistent answer to it.

 

Also, what does the "blank state" help you to achieve? I would assume it's useful when you're thinking too much or too negatively and it's causing you problems. Is that what keeps you doing it every day?

 

Thanks for the consolation regarding my girlfriend. I'll be fine, but it sucks a lot for now.

 

Yes, you shut out your senses, generally, but not literally (eyes are open, etc). From your brain, instead.

 

The blank state is mostly a cleanser. It's not so much about what it does in the moment -- the act of meditating in that way is to theoretically make it easier to stay present throughout the day, by 'cleaning out the gunk.' There are other theories on its usefulness spiritually, depending of what school of Buddhism, I believe, but that's pretty much the 'practical' application.

 

There are 3 major types of meditation I was taught in Japan: zazen concentration (blank state; maybe a focus on 'breath' for beginners and people who get frustrated since, as I said, blank state is not always attainable, even monks will say that!), koan (mediating on an idea, often a specific koan), and Shikantaza/sitting, which is more what you described, though you can do Shikantaza like meditation while also going about your day---it is more sensory.

[EnigmaticClarity]

Yes, you shut out your senses, generally, but not literally (eyes are open, etc). From your brain, instead.

 

The blank state is mostly a cleanser. It's not so much about what it does in the moment -- the act of meditating in that way is to theoretically make it easier to stay present throughout the day, by 'cleaning out the gunk.' There are other theories on its usefulness spiritually, depending of what school of Buddhism, I believe, but that's pretty much the 'practical' application.

 

There are 3 major types of meditation I was taught in Japan: zazen concentration (blank state; maybe a focus on 'breath' for beginners and people who get frustrated since, as I said, blank state is not always attainable, even monks will say that!), koan (mediating on an idea, often a specific koan), and Shikantaza/sitting, which is more what you described, though you can do Shikantaza like meditation while also going about your day---it is more sensory.

 

Great info, thanks!!! I'm starting to recall a bit about zazen now, I had forgotten about it--kinda hard to completely forget at least the word since it does have "zen" as a part of it.

[Leigh 87]

V,

 

I fell ill, and lost all my hair when I was in my early 20's.

 

I also had bad teeth. NO hair and bad teeth is VERY unnatractive.

 

 

SO. I got hair extensions and braces.

 

 

I also started to work out all the time, and got a hot body ( but still not thin, suoper model godess.. just average 130 lbs, 5 '5, but with a great shape though)

 

 

 

DO u have thin or lacklusture hair? I found that long, THICK hair, with a NICE COLOUR, can INSTANTLY improve your attractivness a MILLION fold.

 

 

 

I had think long hair, and am using hair extensions until my real hair grows back totally. WHich will take a couple of years:( in which case I will STILL use extensions, to thicken it up futther.

 

 

 

 

 

Here are things you NEEd to do, in order to be attractive, of you are born unnatractive or AVERAGE:

 

- teeth straightening and whitening ( u can get invisible braces)

- hair extensions, to get hair as thick and long as possible

- WORK OUT almost EVERY DAY. Not like a maniac - just do SOMETHING. go for a LIGHT JOG, without killing yourself. ANYTHING. Just do it MOST DAYS. at LEAST 5 days a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

If you are average or below average, it will take much longer to get a decent looking guy. If you ever find one.

 

You will have to become friends with good looking men, before they consider you; where as a hot women will get the guy before having to show him her amazing personality.

 

 

 

The good news, is: you CAN snag an AVERAGE or SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE looking man, who is A FANTASTIC.. GREAT man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

If you want a loving relationship, first of all:

 

- learn to lose your negativity, and practive being POSITIVE.

 

For instance: I am 25, got into drugs and was anorexic, and totally screwed up my first half iof my 20/s

 

 

I am 25, no job, qualifications ( apart from personal training ), or friends really. I live in my parents small flat, with no money or way out of there.

 

I have no car, and a terrible relationship with my parents. They live overseas, but my father often visits.

 

My father is dying.

 

I lost my hair and had bad teeth and was ugly.

 

I had no friends or anything in my life.

 

 

SO.................... POSITIVE SPIN TIME!!!!!!!!!!!

 

- I have above average intelligence, and did well at school, and have the apptitude to get a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- I GOT HAIR EXTENSIONS, so now I have my old, thick hair back. YAY:):)

- I got braces and nwo have straight teeth

 

 

- I love working out and being active, so without a car, I get a LOT of extra walking

- I save the environment without driving a car

- I will be EXTRA GREATFUL once I simply HAVE A CAR AGAIN

- Being out of work for years and years, I will be SO GREATFUL just to WORK AND BE NORMAL AND HAVE MONEY

 

- I get to READ a lot, on public transport, which I LOVE.

- I am a very uinique, fun person, with a lot of things that will attract people to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PLEASE. be POSITIVE.

 

 

There are people far farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr worse of then I was, who are positive!

 

 

Having a positive attitude is such an important factor in life. WAy more men and people in general will love you.

 

 

I know A LOT of men, who like the curvy body type u say u have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

if u have a small or normal nose, and are average, u have a shot man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Els]

I am curious how Leigh affords hair extensions and braces when, based on her posts, she has no job and can barely afford anything else. Makes me sad for whomever is supporting her (bf, parents, or taxpayers), to have their money going to completely unnecessary luxuries. If I were a guy, I'd stay far, far away from a woman with not only no job, but who uses what little money she has in such a indiscriminate fashion.

 

I know this thread is mostly about V, Leigh, but my advice to you - your hair should be perfectly fine without the extensions now. SAVE the cash for the extensions, SAVE on the teeth whitening and whatever other crap that you do, and use the money to INVEST in some skills or start up a freelance project or small business or go to college instead. Your post isn't positive in the least - it's just positive for the thing that matters the least - appearance. Everything else is about how you have 'no friends and no job and live in your parents' flat with no money or way out of there'. Well, if you can afford regular hair extensions, you can most definitely afford to get started on a way out!

Edited February 17, 2012 by Elswyth

[Leigh 87]

I have looked over things again, and since I am very interested on this topic, I want to contribute some more things: OP, can u PLZ respond to me? I have given u some good advice..

 

 

The thing yOU HAVE TO GRASP.. is: most guys WILL ALWAYS. ALWAYS, get horny over a hot girl.

 

ALL men prefer THE LOOK of a girl, who is very pleasant to look at, and gives them a great boner.....

 

However; just because a guy does not end up with a girl that he initial felt was very attractive, that DOES NOT mean he will leave that girl, in favour of a hotter one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

I am nto that great looking, and yet my boyfriend says I am gorgeous to him. Because he loves me. He has been around far hotter girls than me, and has not CHEATED or LEFT me, for hotter ones!

 

 

I do not know how much clearer WE CAN GET. You ARE NOT A GUYS SECOND CHOICE, as a partner, JUST because you are not as attractive as a lot of the girls they initially go for.

 

The will be happier AT FIRST, talking to hotter girls.. but if he ends up with u, and stays with u, HE COULD FALL IN LOVE with u, and want YOU MORE than the HOTTIES.

 

 

 

PLENTY OF AVERAGE and BELOW AVERAGE PEOPLE, are in VERY HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Leigh 87]

Dude... I NEEDED THE EXTENSIONS. My hair literally FELL. OUT.

 

I had NO. Hair.

 

 

NO HAIR.

 

 

I am a women. I did not want to be virtually BALD, and look like I was recovering from cancer, for the 3 years it will take for me to get my thick hair back again....

 

 

Hair extensions CHANGED MY LIFE. I could not go out and feel happy, being close to bald.

 

 

Hair extensions made me attractive again, and feel confident enough to go out into the world.

 

 

 

 

I am curious how Leigh affords hair extensions and braces when, based on her posts, she has no job and can barely afford anything else. Makes me sad for whomever is supporting her (bf, parents, or taxpayers), to have their money going to completely unnecessary luxuries. If I were a guy, I'd stay far, far away from a woman with not only no job, but who uses what little money she has in such a indiscriminate fashion.

 

I know this thread is mostly about V, Leigh, but my advice to you - your hair should be perfectly fine without the extensions now. SAVE the cash for the extensions, SAVE on the teeth whitening and whatever other crap that you do, and use the money to INVEST in some skills or start up a freelance project or small business or go to college instead. Your post isn't positive in the least - it's just positive for the thing that matters the least - appearance. Everything else is about how you have 'no friends and no job and live in your parents' flat with no money or way out of there'. Well, if you can afford regular hair extensions, you can most definitely afford to get started on a way out!

[Leigh 87]

WHy WOULD a guy stay away from me because I have no job?

 

 

Um, I have no job due to life circumstances. NOT because I am not intelligent enough to obbtain one....

 

 

I had a mental illness, drugg problems, among other things, and there are legitimate reasons I have been too ill to work.

 

 

I also dabbled with University. I got a high school score of about 92%, and can attend Uni anytime I please.

 

DO NOT go judging me, fo rnot having a job, and ASSUMING I cannot connect with a guy, on any level, JUST because I am out of work?

 

 

 

 

 

I am curious how Leigh affords hair extensions and braces when, based on her posts, she has no job and can barely afford anything else. Makes me sad for whomever is supporting her (bf, parents, or taxpayers), to have their money going to completely unnecessary luxuries. If I were a guy, I'd stay far, far away from a woman with not only no job, but who uses what little money she has in such a indiscriminate fashion.

 

I know this thread is mostly about V, Leigh, but my advice to you - your hair should be perfectly fine without the extensions now. SAVE the cash for the extensions, SAVE on the teeth whitening and whatever other crap that you do, and use the money to INVEST in some skills or start up a freelance project or small business or go to college instead. Your post isn't positive in the least - it's just positive for the thing that matters the least - appearance. Everything else is about how you have 'no friends and no job and live in your parents' flat with no money or way out of there'. Well, if you can afford regular hair extensions, you can most definitely afford to get started on a way out!

[Els]

Dude... I NEEDED THE EXTENSIONS. My hair literally FELL. OUT.

 

I had NO. Hair.

 

 

NO HAIR.

 

 

I am a women. I did not want to be virtually BALD, and look like I was recovering from cancer, for the 3 years it will take for me to get my thick hair back again....

 

Hair extensions CHANGED MY LIFE. I could not go out and feel happy, being close to bald.

 

 

Hair extensions made me attractive again, and feel confident enough to go out into the world.

 

 

It takes 6 months for your hair to grow back to a bob. Not 3 years. If you're using hair extensions until it reaches waist-length (and, as you say, you intend to continue using them after!) - waste of money that you self-admittedly do not have.

 

WHy WOULD a guy stay away from me because I have no job?

 

I did not say that. Please re-read.

 

 

Um, I have no job due to life circumstances. NOT because I am not intelligent enough to obbtain one....

 

I also did not say that. Cheesus crust, I hadn't been questioning your intelligence before, but you're really making me do so now.

 

I had a mental illness, drugg problems, among other things, and there are legitimate reasons I have been too ill to work.

 

Then why are you using your benefits money to get luxuries instead of to help pull yourself out of this rut that you describe in such detail?

 

I also dabbled with University. I got a high school score of about 92%, and can attend Uni anytime I please.

 

So why are you not?

 

DO NOT go judging me, fo rnot having a job, and ASSUMING I cannot connect with a guy, on any level, JUST because I am out of work?

 

Okay, I give up. You make your life sound like such a sob story - can't afford university, can't afford to move out, can't afford to learn any skills, can't afford to get out of this rut and have friends... and when I tell you you should be using your money on all this instead of effing hair extensions (they cost $1000 a pop where I am, I hope for your sake that they're cheaper there)... you get all defensive.

 

Have fun with that.

Edited February 17, 2012 by Elswyth

[Leigh 87]

You do not understand my predicament.......

 

 

My hair is PAPEr thin. As in, as thin as a small, 2 year infant. My hair is longer than a bob, however, it is SO paper thin, that it looks very unnatractive.

 

I have VERY little hair. MY THICK hair, will not grow back for some time. Hair dressers have told me.

 

 

I just do not have confidence, only having 10% of my old, natural hair.

 

 

I do not have an attractive enough face, to look pleasant without my old, normal, thick hair.

 

I want to be pleasant to look at. It just makes me a much happier person.

 

 

Hair extensions changed my life

 

You do not knwo what it was like for me, to lose my hair. It was devastating.

 

 

Hair does NOT just grow back, to as thck as it once was, in 3 months. No way. When the hair does grow back, for some people, it is PAPER thin, and looks VERY strange.

 

 

 

My hair extensions changed my life. trust me. And I have chosen to put University on hold, because I live in Austalia, and there is a mining boom.

 

My boyfriend and I are going to try out luck over there, so we can travel and be young for the remainder of our 20's.

 

 

If I study full time, I would not be able to work often enough to save to travel.. . In W.A, u are isolated, and get paid a great wage for doing low skilled jobs.

 

 

I am taking advantage of the fact I can earn good cash and travel with my boyfriend, before settling down with study.

 

 

It is all good; if it doe snot work out for us over there, or me, I will move back and study.

 

I plan to study abroad any way, and have to have a year or two of from Uni, in order to work easy jobs and save money, so I can have a social life during uni. Rather than study non stop and have no money for a life.

[Leigh 87]

put simply: I am very, grossly unnatractive, without my old hair. Paper thin hair, that is lie a young childs, does not suti me: I have a roman nose, not a refined cute one, and short thin hair makes me look masculin and unnatractive.

 

However, my full, thicker, long hair I once had, has me as moderately attractive, and therefore gives me the confidence I personally need.

 

 

 

U cannot know the impact of getting my hair back. it has honestly changed everything for me. I could not handle being a shell of how attractive I once was.

 

 

DO NOT judge people, on situations u honestly have no ideas about.

 

Losing ones hair, and it growing back very thin, and very slowly, can be debilitating: ones confidence can change, if u lose your beauty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It takes 6 months for your hair to grow back to a bob. Not 3 years. If you're using hair extensions until it reaches waist-length (and, as you say, you intend to continue using them after!) - waste of money that you self-admittedly do not have.

 

 

 

I did not say that. Please re-read.

 

 

 

 

I also did not say that. Cheesus crust, I hadn't been questioning your intelligence before, but you're really making me do so now.

 

 

 

Then why are you using your benefits money to get luxuries instead of to help pull yourself out of this rut that you describe in such detail?

 

 

 

So why are you not?

 

 

 

Okay, I give up. You make your life sound like such a sob story - can't afford university, can't afford to move out, can't afford to learn any skills, can't afford to get out of this rut and have friends... and when I tell you you should be using your money on all this instead of effing hair extensions (they cost $1000 a pop where I am, I hope for your sake that they're cheaper there)... you get all defensive.

 

Have fun with that.

[Leigh 87]

Attraction is not everything, however: if u can make yourself go from a 4 out of ten, to a 7..... it just makes life much more enjoyable for some people.

 

 

Guys would not look at me before, and the INITIAL attraction was not there.

 

 

These types of people, who are just nto attractive to any extent, normally have to realise that they will only be able to satisfy other very unnatractive people.

 

Penty of very unnappealing ooking people, are very blessed and happy with their amazing partners, I am not desputing that:)

 

 

 

However: I was attractive before my ED and hair loss, attractive enough to attract guys easily enough. I was no model, of course, and still had them fall for my personality, in order to stick with me.

 

 

 

I did not want to have to only seek out 1 - 4 out of tens with guys: I wanted to broaden my choices. To be able to get guys easy enough, without having to miss out the majority of the time.

 

 

 

SO, I got my hair back, without waiting years for my full hair to get to what it was.

 

I was able to attract men in general again, rather than having to only have a very small minority notice me enough to want anything more than a friendship.

 

 

 

I was attractive before I lost my hair, and did not enjoy and was not happy in life, being a 4 out of ten. SImple.

 

 

I am not shallow, in the sense of what I seek in men: I do not go for good looking guys myself, however, get NOTICED by men in generl now.

 

When I lost my hair, and it grew back baby/paper thin, it severely lessened my options with men. I would not get noticed, and my options decreased.

 

 

I would at least like to be average.

[Leigh 87]

MY POINT: Sometimes, for some people, increasing your attractiveness can greatly enhance things, regarding relationships.

 

I happen to have very distinct features, severe features ( not a big nose, but a roman shaped long one)..... With very thin hair, a shell of my old hair, I am just simply not appealing to look at, despite my big round eyes and full lips and straight teeth.

 

 

 

For me: ONE improvement to my body, my hair: it changed my life, regarding men. I am now attractive enough to get noticed, by a large enough see of men, so that I can at least get TO KNOW THEM.

 

Otherwise, I would have had to wait a great deal longer, and had MUCH LESS men from which to pick from, for a loving relationship.

 

It takes much longer to seek a mate out, if you are unnatractive. You have to limit the guys who wil be physically attracted enough to u for a sexual relationship, AND THEN, u have to get to know them from there.

 

 

 

 

JUst saying - it is EASIER to find men, if you have more to chose from.

 

 

I saw that a minor physical adjustment, would significantly increase my likelyhook of meeting men in general.

 

It worked. I was merely suggesting, that the OP might greatly benefit from even improving ONE thing about her appearance.

 

 

It WILL NOT get a guy to fall in LOVE with her: it will just get more guys to be willing to GET to know her.

[Leigh 87]

I want u to really get my POINT, ELS......

 

 

 

Having no hair, and then having hair, changed my life, and got my out of my rut:

 

It made me get noticed by men, and in turn, easily be able to find a varity of men who I could work with.

 

 

Of course, though - I have a positive attitude, and am fun to be around, and it was my personality that matters to KEEP a guy. To make them LIKE abd LOVE me.

 

 

Look -------------- improving ones looks can get u NOTICED, by twice as many men - therefore it is easier to find a mate, because u have more options.

 

 

 

I am not joking, and u should not trivialise it!@ I honestly found it very depressing having to mae do with downy, fluffy, litle babies hair, which looked weird and out of place on an adult -

 

 

I was not happy with very little hair, and I became 100% more happy simply by having my old hair back.

 

 

U think it is trivial, but for me, it WAS NOT. It changed my life.

 

Look - for some people, attaining a certain image is so important. Living without a lot of the attraction we once had, can be.... very very hard to liove with.

 

 

It is nto trivial to ME, and hair extensions helped ME, personally. I do not want good ooking men, but I do like it being easy for me to GET men. In the first place.

 

 

I actually prefer average looking men, and to open my options, so I can find great personalities. I do not get off over looks. At all.

 

The thing is, when I lost my hair, not even average men would look at me. I moved to a new town, was recovering from an illness, and had to start again.

 

 

i found increasing my attractivness, a GREAT DEAL, just helped me fnd confidence again.

 

And no - I also have to work on other asreas of life. My hair just made is 100% easier, for me to work on my life.

[Els]

I want u to really get my POINT, ELS......

 

 

 

Having no hair, and then having hair, changed my life, and got my out of my rut:

 

It made me get noticed by men, and in turn, easily be able to find a varity of men who I could work with.

 

 

Of course, though - I have a positive attitude, and am fun to be around, and it was my personality that matters to KEEP a guy. To make them LIKE abd LOVE me.

 

 

Look -------------- improving ones looks can get u NOTICED, by twice as many men - therefore it is easier to find a mate, because u have more options.

 

 

 

I am not joking, and u should not trivialise it!@ I honestly found it very depressing having to mae do with downy, fluffy, litle babies hair, which looked weird and out of place on an adult -

 

 

I was not happy with very little hair, and I became 100% more happy simply by having my old hair back.

 

 

U think it is trivial, but for me, it WAS NOT. It changed my life.

 

Look - for some people, attaining a certain image is so important. Living without a lot of the attraction we once had, can be.... very very hard to liove with.

 

 

It is nto trivial to ME, and hair extensions helped ME, personally. I do not want good ooking men, but I do like it being easy for me to GET men. In the first place.

 

 

I actually prefer average looking men, and to open my options, so I can find great personalities. I do not get off over looks. At all.

 

The thing is, when I lost my hair, not even average men would look at me. I moved to a new town, was recovering from an illness, and had to start again.

 

 

i found increasing my attractivness, a GREAT DEAL, just helped me fnd confidence again.

 

And no - I also have to work on other asreas of life. My hair just made is 100% easier, for me to work on my life.

 

This isn't about whether or not it increases your chances with men, Leigh. Of course it does. It's about the fact that your freaking benefit money went to hair extensions instead of necessities or trying to improve your situation of having 'no money, no job, living in your parents' flat, having no friends and being miserable'. Hair extensions are all well and good. But I have no sympathy for someone who claims to be the bolded but prioritizes looking attractive and attracting men over improving THAT.

[Leigh 87]

Losing my old hair was debilitating.

 

I have grown up with thick long hair.

 

I have a severe face and I look unnatractive with thinning, fine, minimal hair.

 

 

I had nightmares every night regarding my hair loss. I was extremely depressed over it.

 

Having my hair back gave me the CONFIDENCE to go and start making the necesary changes.

 

 

My hair was special to me, Else. Without it, it severely impacted my quality of life. For me, it mattered greatly, and with my new hair, I INSTANTLY felt like I could go out and handle life.

 

ANd I could. Without my hair, I honestly found it just SO difficult, to out out and do what I needed to do.

 

Getting the extensions ENABLED me to live life. Losing my hair was honstly a devastating experience for me, u cannot possible judge how it made me feel.

 

 

People overcome far worse adversity than me, however: for me, having hair again, it made me ABLE to go out and study for a bit, get work for a while, meet guys and friends....

 

 

A seamingly trivial non essential thing, my hair, actually MADE me able to go about my life FAR FAR FAR FARRR easier, than WITHOUT MY HAIR.

[Leigh 87]

I have sent u a PM as it is getting way off track.

 

 

I wil only add: I had no ffriends, life, job, or ANY PROSPECTS in my life.

 

AT age 24, I literally had to start my life all over again.

 

Having no hair, did not make it easy to go get friends, a job, etc...

 

 

I found that something as trivial as having hair again, made it FAR EASIER to start my life from scratch again.

 

This is all I will say on the matter again ok:)