So Sick Of Being a Consolation Prize

[somedude81]

Except I've been saying for the last few posts that I KNOW it isn't all about hotness, but that physical attraction needs to be there. So my only hope as an unattractive person would be crossing my fingers that all the hot girls have awful personalities.

 

Also, on my way home from work I stopped at a bookstore and pursued the intro of "Tao of Dating." Couple of questions off the top of my head:

 

-Mindset of Abundance. This doesn't make sense to me from a practical standpoint. Statistics show us that there actually isn't "enough to go around." As a population ages, the axis tips more and more towards being female-heavy. By old age, there are many more women than men. If you then also take into account how many of those men are married, you come out with a calculation that there ARE less single men than single women. So the abundance mentality is, right off the bat, incorrect. There isn't enough to go around for everybody. How do you make sense of this?

I agree with you here.

 

I have never had the abundance mentality. One who has nothing would have to be delusional to think they have something when they actually don't. The concept is just crap.

 

-Feminine/Masculine energy. This... bothers me, because I've always been told I have more masculine traits than feminine. I have never been in touch with my "female wiles," because I'm pretty sure I don't have them. Is this going to be another book that instructs me to "be a lady"? And "tap into my natural maternal and gentle instincts"?

I see female energy as being fun, goofy, caring, happy, non-competitive/dominant.

 

Masculine energy seems to be about being loud, strong, dominating, competing, all business.

 

As for a book to read, I highly suggest, The Art of Seduction. The book is made for both men and women on how they can be better seducers and avoid toxic people. I'm halfway through it and it's very enlightening yet a bit frustrating at the same time because it points out what my flaws are and I see how far I have to go.

[neowulf]

-Mindset of Abundance. This doesn't make sense to me from a practical standpoint. Statistics show us that there actually isn't "enough to go around."

 

-Feminine/Masculine energy. This... bothers me, because I've always been told I have more masculine traits than feminine. I have never been in touch with my "female wiles," because I'm pretty sure I don't have them.

 

Firstly, any "study" you happen to read is already limited and flawed. They're not based on global figures. Those "stats" are at best a snapshot in time. There's a huge world out there V.

 

There are more people on the face of the planet than there have ever been. You only need *one* of them to build a life with. People move all the time, populations shift. Does that study take into account people moving abroad for study? For work? Taking vacations? People *meet* in all these situations.

 

Confirmation Bias. You're *looking* for information to confirm your own beliefs and filtering out anything that disagrees with them. While you cling to the idea of "That's just how the world is", you're blinded to any chance of seeing it differently.

 

Secondly, it sounds like you might consider yourself to be a bit of a tomboy. *All* my girlfriends have been like this. I've never been attracted to the "hyper girly girl" types. Again, you're looking for reasons to stay miserable.

 

V, just answer me this. Do you believe, in any part of you.. that your attitude and belief about the world *could* be having an impact on your relationships? Is it possible? Or are you happy with your view of the world and how it works.

 

Are you satisfied you "have all the answers" and don't believe you could have it wrong?

 

Do you really believe that everyone here telling you the same thing over and over are *all* delusional?

 

By the way, good on you for at least *picking* up the book. It's a small but very significant step. It means that on some level, you're open to the idea of looking at the problem through new eyes.

[xxoo]

-Mindset of Abundance. This doesn't make sense to me from a practical standpoint. Statistics show us that there actually isn't "enough to go around." As a population ages, the axis tips more and more towards being female-heavy. By old age, there are many more women than men. If you then also take into account how many of those men are married, you come out with a calculation that there ARE less single men than single women. So the abundance mentality is, right off the bat, incorrect. There isn't enough to go around for everybody. How do you make sense of this??

 

Part of the point is to stop over-analyzing, and live in a place of trust and peace. Thinking uplifting thoughts.

 

Over time, your energy will change. Your interactions with others will change. Your experiences will change.

[verhrzn]

Firstly, any "study" you happen to read is already limited and flawed. They're not based on global figures. Those "stats" are at best a snapshot in time. There's a huge world out there V.

 

There are more people on the face of the planet than there have ever been. You only need *one* of them to build a life with. People move all the time, populations shift. Does that study take into account people moving abroad for study? For work? Taking vacations? People *meet* in all these situations.

 

Confirmation Bias. You're *looking* for information to confirm your own beliefs and filtering out anything that disagrees with them. While you cling to the idea of "That's just how the world is", you're blinded to any chance of seeing it differently.

 

According to the CIA World Fact sheet, in the age bracket of 16-64 years, there are approximately males 104,411,352, and females 104,808,064. So right off the bat in that bracket, there are about 300,000 missing males. Yes, populations shift, it's a "snapshot in time," but that's a pretty big expanse to fill.

 

This is what I have never understand. Zengirl, you talk about "believing." About existing in a state of "hope" that abundance exists. But if that belief, if that hope, is directly contradictory to reality (statistics are only one example, and I'm not sure what confirmation bias I could be showing in simply showing statistics), then is it really helpful? I don't want to be hopeful if it means lying to myself. I don't want to "believe" something that doesn't have sound proof behind it. By believing that there is an abundance, when there actually is not, I think I actually put myself at a disadvantage, because I am not dealing with the reality that is in front of me. It's all well and good to be happy, but is happiness worth the cost of deluding myself? How do you get around that?

 

 

Secondly, it sounds like you might consider yourself to be a bit of a tomboy. *All* my girlfriends have been like this. I've never been attracted to the "hyper girly girl" types. Again, you're looking for reasons to stay miserable.

 

V, just answer me this. Do you believe, in any part of you.. that your attitude and belief about the world *could* be having an impact on your relationships? Is it possible? Or are you happy with your view of the world and how it works.

 

Are you satisfied you "have all the answers" and don't believe you could have it wrong?

 

Do you really believe that everyone here telling you the same thing over and over are *all* delusional?

 

I'm not meaning 'tomboy,' I'm meaning masculine. Masculine qualities such as being aggressive either physically or verbally, not submitting to dominance. A few of my male friends have told me I'm "intimidating" simply for stating my opinion. Why? Because I state my opinion like a guy. If I were male, no one would bat an eye, but as a female, I'm suddenly intimidating. A tomboy CAN have masculine traits, but I think "tomboy" usually refers to having male interests.

 

Do I think other people are delusional? No. I think they found the answers that work for them. I see the world as highly subjective, all of us living in our own realities that are somehow tied together into a larger world. It doesn't make them right and me wrong, or me right and them wrong. It makes everybody some combination of both.

 

I am not happy with my world view, but that does not mean I won't question the other views that come my way. That is my nature-to question. I have to find something that works for me, and if it doesn't make sense to me, how can it work for me?

[fortyninethousand322]

According to the CIA World Fact sheet, in the age bracket of 16-64 years, there are approximately males 104,411,352, and females 104,808,064. So right off the bat in that bracket, there are about 300,000 missing males. Yes, populations shift, it's a "snapshot in time," but that's a pretty big expanse to fill.

 

 

16-64 is a huge chunk of people. Here's a somewhat old link (references the 2000 census) about gender ratios: Article - Gender in the United States

 

Note that 24-34 the male to female ratio was 102-100 in 2000 and 105-100 for under 24. So, even in your age range there are more men than women.

[zengirl]

I agree with you here.

 

I have never had the abundance mentality. One who has nothing would have to be delusional to think they have something when they actually don't. The concept is just crap.

 

Abundance isn't about "pretending" you have something you don't. That's delusion. It is about appreciating what you DO have in your life and believing that there is an abundant world around you that, if you adopt the right attitudes AND improve yourself AND keep at it AND do the right things will provide you with what you need. Maybe not at the exact moment you want it -- maybe not even close -- or in the exact way you wanted it -- it's best to stop thinking HOW things will happen out, which is a failing you have, except where you actually need to do so to logistically do something -- but that there is more than enough out there.

 

I see female energy as being fun, goofy, caring, happy, non-competitive/dominant.

 

Masculine energy seems to be about being loud, strong, dominating, competing, all business.

 

Kind of, but not really in the terms of yin and yang. Female energy (yin) is about receiving, accepting, flowing, etc, and male energy (yang) is about creating, changing, transmitting. And the book also makes it very clear that it's good to have BOTH energies in your toolbelt (for both genders) and that both are very good. One of the things it mentions -- and I don't love the way that author brings it up -- is that there is an overabundance of yang in our culture, including among women, because most careers require more yang than yin. Whereas, for romance, particularly for women, yin is often required (sometimes with a dash of yang) to move things along, so it just needs to be in your skillset as well. That's most of what the feminine/masculine stuff is in that book.

 

Not really related to Western ideas of gender or tomboyishness or whatnot.

 

As for a book to read, I highly suggest, The Art of Seduction. The book is made for both men and women on how they can be better seducers and avoid toxic people. I'm halfway through it and it's very enlightening yet a bit frustrating at the same time because it points out what my flaws are and I see how far I have to go.

 

That book actually STATES it will not tell you how to attract healthy people or cultivate real love. I appreciate it's candor on that, but I think it's worth noting.

 

Part of the point is to stop over-analyzing, and live in a place of trust and peace. Thinking uplifting thoughts.

 

Over time, your energy will change. Your interactions with others will change. Your experiences will change.

 

Right, that's a good summary! You're good with the pithy summaries, xxoo.

 

By the way, good on you for at least *picking* up the book. It's a small but very significant step. It means that on some level, you're open to the idea of looking at the problem through new eyes.

 

Yes. It was a good step!

 

According to the CIA World Fact sheet, in the age bracket of 16-64 years, there are approximately males 104,411,352, and females 104,808,064. So right off the bat in that bracket, there are about 300,000 missing males. Yes, populations shift, it's a "snapshot in time," but that's a pretty big expanse to fill.

 

Oh, goodness, first of all -- the age bracket is huge! Second of all, that's a tiny, tiny percentage of that many people! Worrying about that stuff is not helping you.

 

This is what I have never understand. Zengirl, you talk about "believing." About existing in a state of "hope" that abundance exists. But if that belief, if that hope, is directly contradictory to reality (statistics are only one example, and I'm not sure what confirmation bias I could be showing in simply showing statistics), then is it really helpful?

 

First of all, I've already stated several reasons why the statistics you're showing are fairly irrelevant (the age gaps, the lack of relevance to where you live and who would be potential mates for you, etc) and the statistics aren't even really on your side. I mean, the gap there is little more than a standard deviation! We cannot even count people down to the individual, so we don't even know, and it's such a SMALL gap.

 

Second of all, yes, if hope is directly contradictory to your completely certain reality, it's futile. If you hope for a million dollars to appear in your lap right now, it will not happen. If you hope to someday marry a cool, sexy, fun, great man someday when you're happier with yourself, most people would see that as a viable possibility (and certainly not hang on a small gap in some statistics to disprove it!). I'm not suggesting anyone hope for the impossible OR that you wait to be happy to all your hopes come true. I'm suggesting you believe that the world is an abundant, positive, friendly place where good things can come to you.

 

From your mindset, that WILL take a long time to sink in and believe, but if you can try and try and get there, you will see results. That's what I believe, at least.

 

I don't want to be hopeful if it means lying to myself. I don't want to "believe" something that doesn't have sound proof behind it.

 

But you do! You believe you will not be successful, and that does not have sound proof behind it either, unless you've used a Time Machine lately! Why not just switch that belief to believing you will be successful and choose to be happy? What do you have to lose?

 

There is no such thing as neutral. At all times, you are either going with hope or fear. Choose hope and abundance, and most people can tell you, things get a little bit better. Not perfect. Not magic. Not everything 'solved' forever. But better. Choose fear and worry and nitpicking statistics and beating yourself up and believing the worst and you'll be where you are forever.

 

I'm not meaning 'tomboy,' I'm meaning masculine. Masculine qualities such as being aggressive either physically or verbally, not submitting to dominance. A few of my male friends have told me I'm "intimidating" simply for stating my opinion. Why? Because I state my opinion like a guy. If I were male, no one would bat an eye, but as a female, I'm suddenly intimidating. A tomboy CAN have masculine traits, but I think "tomboy" usually refers to having male interests.

 

Do I seem like a shrinking violent who's afraid of being opinionated to you? No, this is not a dating book that suggests you be demure and ladylike and unopinionated and such. It may suggest a more 'yin' approach at times, but only for the sake of balance.

 

Do I think other people are delusional? No. I think they found the answers that work for them. I see the world as highly subjective, all of us living in our own realities that are somehow tied together into a larger world. It doesn't make them right and me wrong, or me right and them wrong. It makes everybody some combination of both.

 

Right! If the world is highly subjective (and I agree it is), then why not choose to have happier, more hopeful beliefs and SEE if it changes your world for the better? I don't get why it could hurt.

 

I am not happy with my world view, but that does not mean I won't question the other views that come my way. That is my nature-to question. I have to find something that works for me, and if it doesn't make sense to me, how can it work for me?

 

Well, nothing helpful will make sense with your current world view. You'll have to make a new world view and make new sense of things. It will take time. (Unless FitChick's session thing is real, and then apparently there's something for lazy, impatient people who don't put in time, but that doesn't fit my worldview, so I don't get it. But maybe *shrug* -- who knows?) It will take work. It will take concentrated effort. It won't just automatically make sense, even if it would work for you, because you so far on the other side of the spectrum, entrenched in the same unhealthy cycle.

[zengirl]

16-64 is a huge chunk of people. Here's a somewhat old link (references the 2000 census) about gender ratios: Article - Gender in the United States

 

Note that 24-34 the male to female ratio was 102-100 in 2000 and 105-100 for under 24. So, even in your age range there are more men than women.

 

That's what I was saying. And it held true in the more recent census as well. Not sure about worldwide, but in the U.S. at least.

[Lonely Ronin]

Oh, goodness, first of all -- the age bracket is huge! Second of all, that's a tiny, tiny percentage of that many people! Worrying about that stuff is not helping you.

 

0.38% to be exact, small enough to be labeled irrelevant.

[Mme. Chaucer]

According to the CIA World Fact sheet, in the age bracket of 16-64 years, there are approximately males 104,411,352, and females 104,808,064. So right off the bat in that bracket, there are about 300,000 missing males.

 

I have them all here.

[somedude81]

Abundance isn't about "pretending" you have something you don't. That's delusion. It is about appreciating what you DO have in your life and believing that there is an abundant world around you that, if you adopt the right attitudes AND improve yourself AND keep at it AND do the right things will provide you with what you need. Maybe not at the exact moment you want it -- maybe not even close -- or in the exact way you wanted it -- it's best to stop thinking HOW things will happen out, which is a failing you have, except where you actually need to do so to logistically do something -- but that there is more than enough out there.

OK, then I was completely misunderstanding the abundance mentality. Possibly because I first became aware of it through pick up.

 

It basically said that a guy who can sleep with a lot of women has an abundance mentality because he has what he wants and that mentality makes him more attractive to women. Then it says that guys who are doing poorly with women should adopt the abundance mentality and it will attract women.

 

It all sounded like a bunch of new age BS.

 

As for what you are saying, I know there is an abundant world out there and there are a lot of possible women to date. But getting provided with what I want is hard to believe. I currently have a victim mentality and believe that fate is actively fighting against me. There is no other explanation.

 

I have tried to do things to change my attitude, improve myself etc, but it is mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting to keep going on and on. It would be great to actually get a victory for once.

 

 

Kind of, but not really in the terms of yin and yang. Female energy (yin) is about receiving, accepting, flowing, etc, and male energy (yang) is about creating, changing, transmitting. And the book also makes it very clear that it's good to have BOTH energies in your toolbelt (for both genders) and that both are very good. One of the things it mentions -- and I don't love the way that author brings it up -- is that there is an overabundance of yang in our culture, including among women, because most careers require more yang than yin. Whereas, for romance, particularly for women, yin is often required (sometimes with a dash of yang) to move things along, so it just needs to be in your skillset as well. That's most of what the feminine/masculine stuff is in that book.

I'm not really concerned with yin and yang. Just what I see in the world.

 

 

 

That book actually STATES it will not tell you how to attract healthy people or cultivate real love. I appreciate it's candor on that, but I think it's worth noting.

Honestly, I haven't seen that if what I've read so far.

 

What the book covered up to this point was the different seducer types, talked about their qualities and how to make them stronger. It also gave examples from famous people in history.

 

I've learned that I exhibit very strong anti-seducer qualities and it's a big reason why women have not accepted me. But now that I know what they are I can try to weed out those traits and should start doing better. I also found out that I have several traits of the charmer and that I should try to maximize those and then I should start getting results.

 

There was nothing about how to take advantage of people and whatnot.

[verhrzn]

Abundance isn't about "pretending" you have something you don't. That's delusion. It is about appreciating what you DO have in your life and believing that there is an abundant world around you that, if you adopt the right attitudes AND improve yourself AND keep at it AND do the right things will provide you with what you need. Maybe not at the exact moment you want it -- maybe not even close -- or in the exact way you wanted it -- it's best to stop thinking HOW things will happen out, which is a failing you have, except where you actually need to do so to logistically do something -- but that there is more than enough out there.

 

That's seemingly awfully.... religious. I didn't buy it from a Christian standpoint either. "Pray, have faith, and God will deliver.... sometime. And probably not in a way you want. But in the way you need, because you're obviously too dumb to figure out what you actually need and ask for that." Additionally, if this abundance mentality is so true, it sure takes an awful lot of effort to make it happen... Look at how much you listed off, and even if you do those things, you might not end up with what you want anyway. So I change my entire attitude, AND work on myself, AND "do the right things" (which are what, exactly?) and I still might end up alone, because the universe has decided I don't need a relationship.

 

Well, shoot, Universe, just tell me that straight up and let me get back to reading and video games, instead of twisting myself into New Age knots.

 

 

Oh, goodness, first of all -- the age bracket is huge! Second of all, that's a tiny, tiny percentage of that many people! Worrying about that stuff is not helping you.

First of all, I've already stated several reasons why the statistics you're showing are fairly irrelevant (the age gaps, the lack of relevance to where you live and who would be potential mates for you, etc) and the statistics aren't even really on your side. I mean, the gap there is little more than a standard deviation! We cannot even count people down to the individual, so we don't even know, and it's such a SMALL gap.

 

Fine, try this instead: "More than half of the unmarried Americans are women. And for every 100 single women, there are 88 unmarried men available."

 

In my direct area, among the age group of 20 to 34, there is a playing field of about 93 unmarried women to 100 unmarried men. The other big city in the area has a whopping 118 unmarried women to every 100 unmarried men.

 

So, compared to the great US, my area ain't bad, but it ain't an "abundance."

 

But you do! You believe you will not be successful, and that does not have sound proof behind it either, unless you've used a Time Machine lately! Why not just switch that belief to believing you will be successful and choose to be happy? What do you have to lose?

 

What I have to lose, is time and a sense of rightness. Time spent pushing myself into all these uncomfortable and (in my viewpoint) delusional (when applied to me) mindsets to try to achieve what I want, without any guarantee of success, while taking time away from the things I enjoy.

 

When I say "rightness," what I mean most accurately is this idea that I'll try something, it won't work, and I'll be left at the end of an exhausting endeavor telling myself," Told ya so." I'd just wasted time, energy, money on something I knew wasn't gonna fly from the first, but I gave it a try only to land on my face. It isn't the actual failure I fear... it's the lose of all that 'me' I put into it trying to get it to work, when I could have been putting that towards something I enjoy.

 

I'll come right out and say it.... all those positive self-help books I've read? I don't enjoy them. I find them cliched and pandering. No matter how hard I tried to force myself, affirmations felt fake and stupid, and I ended up walking away from the mirror disliking myself more for doing something so utterly pointless. More than that, the "grow your self-esteem!" articles and seminars and books make no sense to me. I find them intellectually draining, like trying to read a foreign language you don't understand.

 

Like this whole Tao concept. I don't get it. I just don't. I don't get the broken cup, I've never been able to clear my mind (and I try weekly, because of my martial art.) How can I possibly embrace something I don't understand? How can I cultivate a positive attitude when just reading the things that are supposed to help me make me sour?

[xxoo]

Right, that's a good summary! You're good with the pithy summaries, xxoo.

 

Thanks!

 

 

Do I seem like a shrinking violent who's afraid of being opinionated to you? .

 

Freudian slip?

[Badsingularity]

I have them all here.

 

Harems are great. I keep telling my GF I need one. I even told her that she would be #1. Still didn't fly:D

[Lonely Ronin]

What I have to lose, is time and a sense of rightness. Time spent pushing myself into all these uncomfortable and (in my viewpoint) delusional (when applied to me) mindsets to try to achieve what I want, without any guarantee of success, while taking time away from the things I enjoy.

 

When I say "rightness," what I mean most accurately is this idea that I'll try something, it won't work, and I'll be left at the end of an exhausting endeavor telling myself," Told ya so." I'd just wasted time, energy, money on something I knew wasn't gonna fly from the first, but I gave it a try only to land on my face. It isn't the actual failure I fear... it's the lose of all that 'me' I put into it trying to get it to work, when I could have been putting that towards something I enjoy.

 

I'll come right out and say it.... all those positive self-help books I've read? I don't enjoy them. I find them cliched and pandering. No matter how hard I tried to force myself, affirmations felt fake and stupid, and I ended up walking away from the mirror disliking myself more for doing something so utterly pointless. More than that, the "grow your self-esteem!" articles and seminars and books make no sense to me. I find them intellectually draining, like trying to read a foreign language you don't understand.

 

Like this whole Tao concept. I don't get it. I just don't. I don't get the broken cup, I've never been able to clear my mind (and I try weekly, because of my martial art.) How can I possibly embrace something I don't understand? How can I cultivate a positive attitude when just reading the things that are supposed to help me make me sour?

 

V this is why you can't get a guy, you are so incredibly negative about your current lot in life that your are probably repelling guys like you're surrounded by a force field. You have to change this if you ever want to me a good (good being the important word) guy, and be truly happy.

[neowulf]

What I have to lose, is time and a sense of rightness. Time spent pushing myself into all these uncomfortable and (in my viewpoint) delusional (when applied to me) mindsets to try to achieve what I want, without any guarantee of success, while taking time away from the things I enjoy.

 

When I say "rightness," what I mean most accurately is this idea that I'll try something, it won't work, and I'll be left at the end of an exhausting endeavor telling myself," Told ya so." I'd just wasted time, energy, money on something I knew wasn't gonna fly from the first, but I gave it a try only to land on my face. It isn't the actual failure I fear... it's the lose of all that 'me' I put into it trying to get it to work, when I could have been putting that towards something I enjoy.

 

I'll come right out and say it.... all those positive self-help books I've read? I don't enjoy them. I find them cliched and pandering. No matter how hard I tried to force myself, affirmations felt fake and stupid, and I ended up walking away from the mirror disliking myself more for doing something so utterly pointless. More than that, the "grow your self-esteem!" articles and seminars and books make no sense to me. I find them intellectually draining, like trying to read a foreign language you don't understand.

 

Like this whole Tao concept. I don't get it. I just don't. I don't get the broken cup, I've never been able to clear my mind (and I try weekly, because of my martial art.) How can I possibly embrace something I don't understand? How can I cultivate a positive attitude when just reading the things that are supposed to help me make me sour?

 

What you have to lose is any chance of finding a stable, happy relationship V. Because the way you view yourself, the way you see the world.. It's profoundly negative and toxic. I know you don't see it. I know you believe it to be "truth", but your "truth" is ruining your life.

 

Reading what you've written, I'm filled with a great sadness.. because I've seen this kind of "black and white, all or nothing" thinking before.. in my own father. I've seen the pain and unhappiness it's brought him in his life and I truly feel for you.

 

You've built an understanding of the world that makes it all but impossible for you to be happy. You cling to that belief because you've identified so strongly with it being "Who you are" that you can't detach from it.

 

Why do you think you resist so hard against feeling good about yourself V? Why is that a lie? Why is it a lie to hope for good things, or be proud of the things you've done in your life? To be grateful for what you have? To be grateful for who you are? You have short comings. We all do. How is it healthy to spend so much of your energy fixated on them? When you could be focused on what you do have.

 

Why is a waste of time to choose a belief system that helps you get through the world more easily. With more happiness. A huge part of "truth" really is perception V. I can't state this enough.

 

One last question. Have you ever considered you might actually be suffering clinical depression? I ask because a lot of what you've written.. it remind's me a lot of my own thinking during my darker periods with the illness.

 

One final piece of practical advice for you. Pick up this;

 

59 Seconds by Richard Wiseman. It'll cost you less than $10 from Amazon in ebook format.

 

Everything he writes is based on actual studies. There is nothing magical about any of his suggestions. The exercises he suggests are quick and in my experience actually *help* if you commit to doing them.

 

I wish you the best V. It pains me to see a young women with so much potential crippled by her beliefs.

[FitChick]

Well, shoot, Universe, just tell me that straight up and let me get back to reading and video games, instead of twisting myself into New Age knots.

 

Universe to Verhrzn: Give up! Stop trying to snag a man. Get back to your reading and video games because you will be happier. Stop wasting time posting pointless threads on internet forums.

[Cracker Jack]

I just think it's unfortunate how this topic has over 400+ posts, and yet it seems like no actual progress will be made. At this point, it just seems like the discussion is going nowhere.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Kind of reminiscent of onegoal.

[aj22one]

I feel like if the OP had been in the Scottish Army during William Wallace's time, she would have been one of the ones who ran away when faced with the English army.

[somedude81]

Kind of reminiscent of onegoal.

Or somedude81. God that guy keeps going in circles.

[johan]

She isn't that bad.

[verhrzn]

I feel like if the OP had been in the Scottish Army during William Wallace's time, she would have been one of the ones who ran away when faced with the English army.

 

Where in the world do you get that?

 

I just think it's unfortunate how this topic has over 400+ posts, and yet it seems like no actual progress will be made. At this point, it just seems like the discussion is going nowhere.

 

No progress on either side. Everybody is so quick to diagnose me and argue with me, they don't even try understanding where I'm coming from. So, whatever. People here hate me, they are welcome to ignore me, though instead they'll just mock and argue with me instead. Where's all this positivity I keep hearing about, cause since about... 3 pages in, it's been nothing but negativity and telling me how wrong and pathetic I am. And then calling me negative when I don't think I'm all that great. The sheer hypocrisy is mind-blowing.

[sooniechan]

I understand somewhat where verhrzn is coming from. I would be upset being the second choice. Not so much in the romantic relationship department, but in other parts of my life, I've felt like I'm usually the one that's the leftovers. I sympathize with your frustration. I don't really see it as negative its just a different way of going about a situation. Though, I think your method, verhrzn, might just take a lot longer to get what you want. Try not to get down about it for long. Go rage at nubs in games if you have to get it out then try again. That's what I do at least lol~

[neowulf]

No progress on either side. Everybody is so quick to diagnose me and argue with me, they don't even try understanding where I'm coming from. So, whatever. People here hate me, they are welcome to ignore me, though instead they'll just mock and argue with me instead. Where's all this positivity I keep hearing about, cause since about... 3 pages in, it's been nothing but negativity and telling me how wrong and pathetic I am. And then calling me negative when I don't think I'm all that great. The sheer hypocrisy is mind-blowing.

 

You came to a forum expecting what exactly? That'd we all just agree with your world view? I don't believe you're pathetic. I don't even really believe you're "wrong".

 

It's not even about who's "right" or "wrong". This is about how you approach the world.. and if that approach is working for you. It isn't. That's what *you're* telling us when you write that you're frustrated and angry.

 

We're reflecting back at you what you're projecting out V. If people hated you, we wouldn't be trying (in vain it seems) to reach out to you.

 

This thread is filled with people who've been effectively donating their time to try and help you see the problem from a different perspective. But you're too prideful to see it.

 

There have some amazingly well thought out responses, full of positive steps you could take to try and improve things. But you're unwilling (or unable) to see it.

 

I won't post again V. It's clear to me you've made up your mind about your lot in life. Good luck with your future.

[Cracker Jack]

You can't be serious. No one here hates you. If anything, they hate how you continuously talk down on yourself and your potential in finding someone. I doubt certain posters would even bother typing paragraphs of suggestions for someone they hate. Forgive me for saying this, but I'm sure a good amount of people people who participates in your topics would love to see you succeed instead of constantly complaining.

 

At the end of the day, there's only but so much people on a forum can do. You think the people here are doing nothing but judging, while many of them are trying to get you to change your perspective and start looking at things differently. I'm sure to some of them, you're merely being a brick-wall who's really not open to anything other than your current way of thinking. At least that's the feel I get from reading many of the posts. The posters aren't the problem here.