Very stressed, anxious and depressed (work related)

[HeavenOrHell]

Yes, but do you have social phobia? It's not the same as just getting normal nervousness about things, trust me, I've had it since I was a kid. Forcing someone who suffers with anxiety in this way does not work.

 

Forcing someone to do something, is not the right approach and is not helpful in the way that therapy can be.

 

 

 

I hope they do push you out of your comfort zone. Might do you some good cause as it stands now you're in a hell of your own making.

 

I get nervous about things too, every one does. People get scared of a new job, what will the toilets be like, will they get fired, will they like it. All sorts of thoughts. People dread the drive to and from work. In the end you'll be better off then you are now. You'll make more money right?

[HeavenOrHell]

I've had many paid jobs and they all made me miserable and more depressed and my confidence worse, far from peace of mind. Voluntary work which I've chosen (to help others) has given me much more satisfaction and fulfilment.

 

You'd 'make' him work, how thoughtful of you! So, you'd ignore his anxieties about it?

 

You've no idea what is best for someone with the problems Ross has.

 

Ross, you're clearly NOT ready for paid work, please call your local CAB and ask to see their benefits advisor. The DWP are cutting most people's benefits thanks to this wonderful g'ment, people have killed themselves over it because of the stress that they will not be able to survive, ie will not be able to afford food, rent, fuel, or that they will be forced into work they will be unable to do, it's become that desperate here.

 

 

 

You seem like a very unhappy scared person. Wouldn't it be nice to get some "peace of mind!"

 

If it were up to me I'd make you work. If you want work with animals nothings stopping you but yourself. Personaly I hate the idea of picking up pooh and cleaning up after animals all day even though I really do love nature and animals. To me a nice office job sounds very nice.

[HeavenOrHell]

Ross, I'm sure this can be sorted if you get some help and advice, I will PM you if I can any other numbers which might be helpful.

 

And get your therapist's/Gp's help if possible.

 

You don't need this stress right now, you DO need to make changes and work towards doing voluntary work though.

 

In your later posts here you're saying a job you enjoy might be beneficial, so maybe it won't be so bad? Although I still think starting with voluntary work is better with problems like yours.

Edited February 11, 2012 by HeavenOrHell

[PlumPrincess]

If it's a regular job, I wont be better off than I am now, in fact I'll be way worse off. Just knowing what may happen is making me feel a lot worse as it is.

 

It's not just about feeling nervous, it's about having to work many hours everyday for years or even the rest of my life doing something that I find incredibly boring and unstimulating, and then not having much free time to do the things I enjoy after I've finished work, because after only a few hours I'd have to go to bed to get enough sleep so I can get up at such an unreasonable extremely early time.

 

Yes I know a lot of people have to do this, but that doesn't change that fact that I'd find it unbearable.

 

I'll be making money but even earning a thousand a week wouldn't be worth it.

 

Honestly, if I have to choose between working at some crappy job that I wouldn't be able to cope with, or losing my money and starving to death, I'd rather starve to death.

Did anybody else read this?

 

I often hear complaints that people abuse the welfare system and while I think there are some black sheep who do, many are indeed in need of the financial support from the government. This is called solidarity from your fellow men. There may be lazy people who leech on others' generosity, but in the end, how much money is it anyway compared to the millions that corrupt politicians waste? Shouldn't that be more concerning than the money that these few people received undeservedly?

 

On a personal level though, statements like yours do irritate me. I do agree with Dust. I would also make you work.

[denise_xo]

Ross, it may help to recognize the catastrophizing and stop that kind of distorted thinking.

Try looking at this as an opportunity.

You'd been interested in normalizing your life.

Working a job is one way to do it.

 

This is really good advice, Ross. I think the current welfare reforms in the UK are pretty bonkers, but on the personal level it might help to think of this as an opportunity.

[denise_xo]

It's not just about feeling nervous, it's about having to work many hours everyday for years or even the rest of my life doing something that I find incredibly boring and unstimulating, and then not having much free time to do the things I enjoy after I've finished work, because after only a few hours I'd have to go to bed to get enough sleep so I can get up at such an unreasonable extremely early time.

 

Yes I know a lot of people have to do this, but that doesn't change that fact that I'd find it unbearable.

 

I'll be making money but even earning a thousand a week wouldn't be worth it.

 

I don't think you can really say this until you've tried it. I've had a lot of jobs that I've hated, which I've stuck to because I've needed to pay some bills or I've needed the experience to get somewhere else. But if nothing else, working gives you a sense of self esteem and purpose and sense of belonging to a society that lying in bed crying and feeling anxious (and I've done that, too) doesn't offer. It also gives you a stepping stone from which you can work your way forward. I'm at a pretty good place right now professionally, but I'm there because I've worked my way up and through some phases where I really didn't particularly like my work or I've put up with stuff or bosses or colleagues that I didn't like. But in short, the investment was worth it. Don't think of it as black and white. Just think of where you'd like to end up, and then start working your way there.

Edited February 11, 2012 by denise_xo

[Ross MwcFan]

Ross, whatever they make you do will be better than what you have now. Listen to yourself, you're afraid of everything and yet you CAN do all that. You can drive, you can work, you can deal with people. We all deal with people. Aren't you sick of yourself and your fears? We are on this earth temporarily anyway and we don't know how much life we have left, so why stress over stupid things? I know I am not in your skin and you have your issues, but you have to pick yourself up and just say "So what?"

 

You know, "they" don't owe you anything. The government is kind enough to expend taxpayers' money so you can avoid working. The least you can do for the people who are writing free checks for you is show them you have a reason for not working.

 

What has that got to do with anything? I'm talking about people bullying me at work.

 

If you would like towork with animals, why don't you get training/degree/certificate in veterinarian assistant or something like that? People who work with animals are usually very kind and unlikely to give you a hard time.You could also be a delivery man (no co-workers or supervisors above your head), but you would have to drive. You could work many jobs, because you're physically healthy. As for crappiness, most jobs are crappy and we do them, come home, complain, and then get back to work the next morning. You can't be exempted just because you don't like working. You could work at home, right? How about some craft?

 

You don't think it stays with the rest of us? You don't think we are scarred from insignificant people treating us badly? Of course we are! But we suck it up, try to change the situation and move forward.

 

Be excited about your life moving, who wants to be imprisoned among four walls with his own anxiety? Don't give in to your fears, just force yourself to be strong and brush the negative thoughts off.

 

I'm not sure there is any kind of training or courses anywhere. I've looked at the website for the college that's near to me, but they don't have any courses which have anything to do with animals.

[Ross MwcFan]

Ross, I'm sure this can be sorted if you get some help and advice, I will PM you if I can any other numbers which might be helpful.

 

And get your therapist's/Gp's help if possible.

 

You don't need this stress right now, you DO need to make changes and work towards doing voluntary work though.

 

In your later posts here you're saying a job you enjoy might be beneficial, so maybe it won't be so bad? Although I still think starting with voluntary work is better with problems like yours.

 

Thanks HOH, I really appreciate it.

[Ross MwcFan]

Did anybody else read this?

 

I often hear complaints that people abuse the welfare system and while I think there are some black sheep who do, many are indeed in need of the financial support from the government. This is called solidarity from your fellow men. There may be lazy people who leech on others' generosity, but in the end, how much money is it anyway compared to the millions that corrupt politicians waste? Shouldn't that be more concerning than the money that these few people received undeservedly?

 

On a personal level though, statements like yours do irritate me. I do agree with Dust. I would also make you work.

 

I would make you not work. And if it made you feel miserable or stressed, I'd just tell you to 'suck it up'. See how you like that.

 

I wouldn't really, but me doing that is no worse than you or Dust making me work, and then shrugging your shoulders and telling me to suck it up when you see that it's making me fall apart.

Edited February 11, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[Dust]

I would make you not work. And if it made you feel miserable or stressed, I'd just tell you to 'suck it up'. See how you like that.

 

I wouldn't really, but me doing that is no worse than you or Dust making me work, and then shrugging your shoulders and telling me to suck it up when you see that it's making me fall apart.

 

I don't want to make you work. I just don't want you getting redistributed money that has done nothing but keep you a baby all your life. You come on here and cry about everything. Anytime something good is about to happen to you it just fades away because you're to afraid to step into the world.

 

Every dollar that goes to you goes to creating boring jobs for the rest of us. If people like you didn't exist there would be no boring jobs. You need to fight your weakness instead of embracining it. You enjoy being unhappy is the only explenation I can come up with.

 

There is a good chance you will have to work again, thats life.

[Dust]

I've had many paid jobs and they all made me miserable and more depressed and my confidence worse, far from peace of mind. Voluntary work which I've chosen (to help others) has given me much more satisfaction and fulfilment.

 

You'd 'make' him work, how thoughtful of you! So, you'd ignore his anxieties about it?

 

You've no idea what is best for someone with the problems Ross has.

 

 

The point isn't a paid job, it's to avoid the situation he is currently in being taken care of by the mother he hates and the bureaucrat he hates even more while living the life he hates most of all. Ross is a man to afraid to even walk the streets or get in his car and drive some where he wants to go. To say he is being helped is a joke. This man was in a better place a year ago, and in a even better place a year before that... You see trend?

 

When I said I'd make him work I meant if I was the bureaucrat he has turned his life over too. I could care less if he works as long as he stops trying to work the system.

 

In the end I know whats best for me and the world at large. A scociety that doesn't have big brother watching over me and redistributing all my wealth. Charaties exist for charity and people who need help will get help. Redistributing my money only creates more poverty and suffering. The people like Ross who are suposedly getting helped live crappy lives where they complain non stop. Thats reality. He's on the verge of being helped and you have nothing but discouragement for the man. He's the equivelent of a drug adict yet you want to just see things his way.

[Ross MwcFan]

I'm not sure there is any kind of training or courses anywhere. I've looked at the website for the college that's near to me, but they don't have any courses which have anything to do with animals.

 

Okay let me correct this. I had just got out of bed when I had posted.

 

I'm not sure that there is any kind of training or courses to do with animals anywhere near me. I've looked at the website for the college that's near to me, but they don't have any courses which have anything to do with animals.

[Dust]

Okay let me correct this. I had just got out of bed when I had posted.

 

I'm not sure that there is any kind of training or courses to do with animals anywhere near me. I've looked at the website for the college that's near to me, but they don't have any courses which have anything to do with animals.

 

Maybe they have office training courses!

[anne1707]

In the end I know whats best for me and the world at large.

 

 

Wow! So you know what is best for the world at large? I'm impressed.

[Eclypse]

 

This is going to undo all the progress I've made in my life over the years. I'm already finding it very hard to get out of bed because of this because it's making me feel so depressed, and I'm feeling really anxious and worried all the time.

 

This particularly stuck out for me. The progress you've made should have been to get a job. If you continue living the way you do, then you haven't progressed at all. You need to get a job and to get out of the house. You need to conquer your fears. I think your mind is just making excuses for you, such as thinking those "thug" types will make snide comments at you. I can tell you with all honesty I have never seen anyone do that to me or anyone else. There is nothing weird or unusual about getting out of your car to go to work. You cannot stay inside your mums house for the rest of your life.

 

I really hope you don't think the rest of us have it easy. I am currently doing my honours year at university (9am-5pm) with 2 hour commute each way. When I get home I'm so tired I just want to sleep but I can't since I have to work on my thesis. And I don't even get paid. I live off my parents at the moment for even less money than you do. Every morning I wake up tired, anxious, worried, depressed and I wish I was dead. I'm worried if I made the right decision, if this will help me get a better job later. I dread the 2 hour commute in. The trains and trams are quite uncomfortable and packed. But guess what, no one looks at you funny. That's because they're all going to work too and no one gives a damn about you or your personal problems. I've been constantly worried for the last couple of years while at university if I'll be able to get a decent job in this economy, if I'll be able to support a family, to own a house.. etc.

 

What many people need to remember is that budget the government has is not some unlimited source of money. It comes from the taxpayers and it is used to fix the roads, run hospitals, maintain the trains etc. Welfare is also an important part of the system however there is only a limited number of people that can be supported before the system collapses. Welfare should be saved for the people who genuinely need it because they can't work. That includes people who have serious physical and mental defects such as amputations, Multiple Sclerosis, schizophrenia and so on. It can not be handed out to just any Tom, Dick and Harry who has decided: “I don't feel like getting up in the morning and working, I'll just get the guv to pay for me!” It simply doesn't work that way. Now you may or may not have a serious mental disorder, but another paragraph of yours jumped out at me, and it is as follows:

 

 

It's not just about feeling nervous, it's about having to work many hours everyday for years or even the rest of my life doing something that I find incredibly boring and unstimulating, and then not having much free time to do the things I enjoy after I've finished work, because after only a few hours I'd have to go to bed to get enough sleep so I can get up at such an unreasonable extremely early time.

 

This particular statement bothered me a little bit. It does not indicate that the reason you are not wanting to work is because you are unable to, but rather you do not want to. This is a big difference and it is this statement that pushes me to agree with Dust's ideas. Do you think I enjoy coming home at night dead tired after slaving away all day? No one does but we put up and shut up. It's the way the world goes around. If everyone decided they didn't want to work because their jobs were boring the economy would simply implode and civilisation would be destroyed.

 

You need to do what I do, what everyone else does: just push those fears away and overcome them and keep on truckin'. It is NOT easy, but it's your only option. Of course you can keep living as you have for the last 36 years, but that's not really an option. The longer you avoid doing this, the harder it will be to start working.

 

I dislike sounding cliched but The Shawshank Redemption had one of the greatest and most applicable quotes of all time. “It comes down to a simple choice: get busy living, or get busy dying.” You're going to have to make a choice soon.

[Ross MwcFan]

Eclypse, like I said, I've to put up with thug types at several places that I've worked at.

 

If you've never experienced it happening to you or anyone else, then that doesn't mean that I am lying. I guess it just means that you and the people you know are probably 'popular types' who very rarely if ever get targeted by bullies, and I must just be one of those unlikeable easy target types who usually do end up being targeted by bullies and rude people.

[PlumPrincess]

This particularly stuck out for me. The progress you've made should have been to get a job. If you continue living the way you do, then you haven't progressed at all. You need to get a job and to get out of the house. You need to conquer your fears. I think your mind is just making excuses for you, such as thinking those "thug" types will make snide comments at you. I can tell you with all honesty I have never seen anyone do that to me or anyone else. There is nothing weird or unusual about getting out of your car to go to work. You cannot stay inside your mums house for the rest of your life.

 

I really hope you don't think the rest of us have it easy. I am currently doing my honours year at university (9am-5pm) with 2 hour commute each way. When I get home I'm so tired I just want to sleep but I can't since I have to work on my thesis. And I don't even get paid. I live off my parents at the moment for even less money than you do. Every morning I wake up tired, anxious, worried, depressed and I wish I was dead. I'm worried if I made the right decision, if this will help me get a better job later. I dread the 2 hour commute in. The trains and trams are quite uncomfortable and packed. But guess what, no one looks at you funny. That's because they're all going to work too and no one gives a damn about you or your personal problems. I've been constantly worried for the last couple of years while at university if I'll be able to get a decent job in this economy, if I'll be able to support a family, to own a house.. etc.

 

What many people need to remember is that budget the government has is not some unlimited source of money. It comes from the taxpayers and it is used to fix the roads, run hospitals, maintain the trains etc. Welfare is also an important part of the system however there is only a limited number of people that can be supported before the system collapses. Welfare should be saved for the people who genuinely need it because they can't work. That includes people who have serious physical and mental defects such as amputations, Multiple Sclerosis, schizophrenia and so on. It can not be handed out to just any Tom, Dick and Harry who has decided: “I don't feel like getting up in the morning and working, I'll just get the guv to pay for me!” It simply doesn't work that way. Now you may or may not have a serious mental disorder, but another paragraph of yours jumped out at me, and it is as follows:

 

 

 

This particular statement bothered me a little bit. It does not indicate that the reason you are not wanting to work is because you are unable to, but rather you do not want to. This is a big difference and it is this statement that pushes me to agree with Dust's ideas. Do you think I enjoy coming home at night dead tired after slaving away all day? No one does but we put up and shut up. It's the way the world goes around. If everyone decided they didn't want to work because their jobs were boring the economy would simply implode and civilisation would be destroyed.

 

You need to do what I do, what everyone else does: just push those fears away and overcome them and keep on truckin'. It is NOT easy, but it's your only option. Of course you can keep living as you have for the last 36 years, but that's not really an option. The longer you avoid doing this, the harder it will be to start working.

 

I dislike sounding cliched but The Shawshank Redemption had one of the greatest and most applicable quotes of all time. “It comes down to a simple choice: get busy living, or get busy dying.” You're going to have to make a choice soon.

Ha, you picked exactly the same quote as I did in my previous post. No wonder, I also had a job once where the commute was often 2 hours plus a 50 hours week with an ok pay, nothing superfancy. When I went to university, my commuting time was like 1.5 hours. I had jobs that bored the **** out of me, but I still did them, because I needed money and I'm not the kind of person who is comfortable with receiving money for doing nothing (I did it for a couple of months, when I was unemployed and wanted to figure out my life, but after all, I had worked and had gotten my share deducted from my salary, so I thought, well taking some time off to figure out what kind of job was ok). I feel very little compassion when I hear someone tell me that he doesn't want to work, because it pushes him away from his comfy home.

 

Nevertheless, lazy bummers are not the reason why the economy in the US is so bad or people who work have a hard life. I'm pretty sure if you compared the amount of money that is spent for dubious military purposes or that ends in the pockets of corrupt politicians and the money that is spent on undeserved welfare checks then you would have to agree that the latter has hardly any effect on your disposable money.

[Ross MwcFan]

Plumprincess, and eclypse, you both haven't listened to anything I've said.

 

You just think I'm lazy, that the only reason why I don't want to work is that I can't be bothered. Do you think I'm making up the anxiety, stress, depression and misery?

 

Both of you and several others have now made me feel a lot worse, I hope you're all happy.

[PlumPrincess]

Plumprincess, and eclypse, you both haven't listened to anything I've said.

 

You just think I'm lazy, that the only reason why I don't want to work is that I can't be bothered. Do you think I'm making up the anxiety, stress, depression and misery?

 

Both of you and several others have now made me feel a lot worse, I hope you're all happy.

In general, you seem to be someone who is unwilling to confront his fears/problems/anxieity, look for a solution and leave his comfort zone.

 

I think Dust despite his somewhat brutal approach is a genuinely kind person who does want to help you feel better even if you don't want to see it like that.

[HeavenOrHell]

You clearly have very little understanding of what it is like to have mental health problems, attitudes like yours do far more harm than good, why not post elsewhere about a subject you actually know something about.

 

If you read my posts properly, you will see I am encouraging him to try voluntary work.

 

 

 

 

The point isn't a paid job, it's to avoid the situation he is currently in being taken care of by the mother he hates and the bureaucrat he hates even more while living the life he hates most of all. Ross is a man to afraid to even walk the streets or get in his car and drive some where he wants to go. To say he is being helped is a joke. This man was in a better place a year ago, and in a even better place a year before that... You see trend?

 

When I said I'd make him work I meant if I was the bureaucrat he has turned his life over too. I could care less if he works as long as he stops trying to work the system.

 

In the end I know whats best for me and the world at large. A scociety that doesn't have big brother watching over me and redistributing all my wealth. Charaties exist for charity and people who need help will get help. Redistributing my money only creates more poverty and suffering. The people like Ross who are suposedly getting helped live crappy lives where they complain non stop. Thats reality. He's on the verge of being helped and you have nothing but discouragement for the man. He's the equivelent of a drug adict yet you want to just see things his way.

[HeavenOrHell]

Eh?! If no-one had any health problems or mental health problems there would be no need for anyone else to work??

Hmm, logical.

 

 

 

Every dollar that goes to you goes to creating boring jobs for the rest of us. If people like you didn't exist there would be no boring jobs. You need to fight your weakness instead of embracining it. You enjoy being unhappy is the only explenation I can come up with.

 

There is a good chance you will have to work again, thats life.

[johan]

I think the best thing that could happen is that they take away your assistance and make you stand on your own two feet. Someone should have done that a long time ago. You're like this because you're allowed to be like this.

 

The world is not that bad a place, but you'll never believe it. I am tempted to say, "it's just a job. If all of us can do it, you can." But I can only imagine what it would be like to have you show up and have to train you. Your attitude is already bad. You have zero work ethic. I would be ready to fire you after about 20 minutes of watching you mope about, moving at half speed, resenting everything you've been told to do.

 

Maybe I'm wrong and you'll be exhilerated when you see you've made something and have earned your own money. Maybe you'll get a boost from that and come away from it finally feeling like a man. Realizing you actually can function in the world. And wanting more. We can hope.

 

Dust is exactly right. It's a shame that you can't direct all your angry energy into something productive that improves your life, instead of just using it against yourself.

[Ross MwcFan]

johan, dust, plumpprincess, and eclypse. You are all extremly cold, unsympathetic, inhumane, horrible people.

 

I hope you all get the misery you deserve in life, if any of you do end up suffering in life, no matter how badly, you will never ever get any sympathy from me.

[Cee]

FWIW, my story...

 

I have a major mental illness (bipolar 1) and becoming employable was a struggle. I would get a job and go manic and quit. Or I'd become racked with anxiety and quit. All through my 20s and early 30s it was like that. I also developed agoraphobia for a while. It was a total mess, but I knew that my agoraphobia would get worse if I quit my job. I cannot tell you how horrible it was going to work for a few months. I'd panic at the job and was in a total fog. I was afraid of public transit for a while, which was really bad since I don't drive.

 

I thought about disability, but I was only eligible for $700 a month because of my crappy work history. So I stayed with my full-time office life. My mental illnesses didn't go away and, in fact, I was hospitalized in 2009. But I went back to work and did well. I began to feel like a regular person who happens to have a manageable chronic condition.

 

I was able to stick with my current job for over 3 years and was a major force in the agency. I was very good at my job and nobody looked down on me because I had to go to doctor's appointments and take meds.

 

Now that I have mastered the office world, I am now a consultant and doing well so far. I'm glad I didn't go on disability but health insurance is an issue. I pay out of pocket for mental health. My insurance is terrible.

 

Sorry about the length of my post, but it is a long story. I was diagnosed at 23 and it wasn't until I was 38 that I felt like a real grown up.

 

You have your own path and I have no answers for you, but I wanted to tell you my story. You are not the only one dealing with this stuff. And I have appreciated your honesty on the board.

[johan]

johan, dust, plumpprincess, and eclypse. You are all extremly cold, unsympathetic, inhumane, horrible people.

 

I hope you all get the misery you deserve in life, if any of you do end up suffering in life, no matter how badly, you will never ever get any sympathy from me.

 

If you truly think those things, then however bad things might get for me, I will still consider myself better off in life than you. But I think you are just lashing out at people who, with their thoughts and words, present a threat to the security you derive from never emerging from the womb. Your angry response is just due to your being freaked out and afraid. Not because you are a small, mean person.

 

That's what I choose to believe anyway. I've been proven wrong before. But you should still be ashamed for saying them.

 

Most of us have read your other threads in which you claim you want a woman and a better life. This thread contradicts that in a very fundamental way.