Are these good reasons to lose interest/reject someone?

[Oxy Moronovich]

Aside from NYC and Southern California, in what parts of North America (especially cities) are the majority of older women taking care of their sex appeal?

 

I gotta hear your answer to this one.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Aside from NYC and Southern California, in what parts of North America (especially cities) are the majority of older women taking care of their sex appeal?

 

I gotta hear your answer to this one.

 

I don't know about "the majority of older women," but I have lived in many different places in the US (including LA, which I hated) and some foreign countries as well. As you know, I am old. I have had a wild youth, an education, a successful professional career and now I live a rural life. I have collected many women friends through my journey so far. Most of us still have vanity and look good. It's probably not the number one priority of any of my friends, young or old.

 

I have to say that having boys going on and on about the qualities of our asses is also not high on our list of priorities.

 

Oxy, I am not saying that women in middle age and beyond look as good as we did at whatever moment we "peaked" in physical attractiveness. Even if we partake of plastic surgery, botox, the gym and tons of makeup, if we are trying to look like a 20 year old - we are losers.

 

What I am trying to get you to look at is that we don't really care that much. The peak of physical attractiveness is lovely. Caring for our bodies is good. I am happy to be vain. But life is full of seasons. Other things become more important to most of us humans - I hope so, anyway. If we "older women" were left yearning for that moment when we were at our most juicy and pretty, life would be pretty dismal. That is just a flash in a long long continuum.

 

Successful relationships are NOT built upon women trying to "capitalize" on their most glorious physical moment and men trying to snatch them up at that moment. Sure, people (like you) are functioning at that level. I don't think it is going to lead anywhere fulfilling for many people of either gender.

[Oxy Moronovich]

I don't know about "the majority of older women," but I have lived in many different places in the US (including LA, which I hated) and some foreign countries as well. As you know, I am old. I have had a wild youth, an education, a successful professional career and now I live a rural life. I have collected many women friends through my journey so far. Most of us still have vanity and look good. It's probably not the number one priority of any of my friends, young or old.

 

I have to say that having boys going on and on about the qualities of our asses is also not high on our list of priorities.

I went on and on about Tammy's ass because I was trying to emphasize how older women can still turn heads if they try. Tammy is one of those older women I've met who makes me hornier than women my own age.

 

I don't see what's wrong about trying to look good like that.

Oxy, I am not saying that women in middle age and beyond look as good as we did at whatever moment we "peaked" in physical attractiveness. Even if we partake of plastic surgery, botox, the gym and tons of makeup, if we are trying to look like a 20 year old - we are losers.

How the hell are you losers if you go to the gym, wear nice clothes, and do whatever you can to keep a good figure? So you're saying a woman who lets herself go is a winner because it's natural?

 

What I am trying to get you to look at is that we don't really care that much. The peak of physical attractiveness is lovely. Caring for our bodies is good. I am happy to be vain. But life is full of seasons. Other things become more important to most of us humans - I hope so, anyway. If we "older women" were left yearning for that moment when we were at our most juicy and pretty, life would be pretty dismal. That is just a flash in a long long continuum.

 

Successful relationships are NOT built upon women trying to "capitalize" on their most glorious physical moment and men trying to snatch them up at that moment. Sure, people (like you) are functioning at that level. I don't think it is going to lead anywhere fulfilling for many people of either gender.

Mme. Chaucer, I love how you beat around the bush. You said there are plenty of places aside from Southern CA and NYC where women are taking care of their sex appeal. When I asked you to specifically name where, you avoided the question and went into this essay about how looks aren't important.

 

Why aren't they important? If a woman went up to her man and asked, "Do you find me attractive?", how many woman would be comfortable with him replying, "Looks are not important"? The answer: none.

 

I understand that women age. They just don't need to let themselves go. They can still look stunning past 30. My problem is the majority of older women don't even try.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Oxy, are you a careless reader? I SAID that most of my old lady friends have plenty of vanity and care about their looks, myself included. Plastic surgery, makeup, the gym, botox, whatever floats anyone's boat. I certainly am not the "natural look" type myself. I spend time and money on my appearance and I enjoy doing so.

 

I SAID that if we are trying to look like we are 20 years old, we are losers.

 

I don't have time to give you a list of places where women tend to take good care of themselves throughout their lives; you can find it in all urban areas as well as university towns and recreational destinations. I'd be writing my list for hours. Personally, I find the obsession with the quest for physical "perfection" that is a big part of SoCal culture to be sad, and many of the questers to look pretty gruesome. The lips … the breasticles … the blondness … there is definitely a SoCal look and it's not particularly good, IMO. If I were a guy, or a lesbian, I would never go for it.

 

More than geographic, the issue is economic. You'll certainly find old women who look well cared for physically a lot more easily if you are looking in wealthy areas and at women with money. Well educated people tend to take better care of our bodies, too.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Oxy, are you a careless reader? I SAID that most of my old lady friends have plenty of vanity and care about their looks, myself included. Plastic surgery, makeup, the gym, botox, whatever floats anyone's boat. I certainly am not the "natural look" type myself. I spend time and money on my appearance and I enjoy doing so.

 

I SAID that if we are trying to look like we are 20 years old, we are losers.

If you enjoy spending time and money on your appearance, then why do you have a problem with me liking a woman who does? Why do you think trying to look 20 makes you a loser if you enjoy trying to look that way? You make no sense.

 

I don't have time to give you a list of places where women tend to take good care of themselves throughout their lives; you can find it in all urban areas as well as university towns and recreational destinations.

All you had to do was name a few places.

 

In any case, I've lived in small towns, including university towns, all over the U.S. and Canada. Your definition of women who take good care of themselves must be different than mine. I'm thinking you can't name even a few places because you know people will most likely call BS.

 

I'd be writing my list for hours. Personally, I find the obsession with the quest for physical "perfection" that is a big part of SoCal culture to be sad, and many of the questers to look pretty gruesome. The lips … the breasticles … the blondness … there is definitely a SoCal look and it's not particularly good, IMO. If I were a guy, or a lesbian, I would never go for it.

You must be in the minority because that look is what so many people across the globe praise as sexy.

 

More than geographic, the issue is economic. You'll certainly find old women who look well cared for physically a lot more easily if you are looking in wealthy areas and at women with money. Well educated people tend to take better care of our bodies, too.

Well educated people tend to take better care of their bodies? I think I just heard a bunch of California pornstars giggling when I read that remark out loud.

 

It's not about education but culture. North Europe and North America demonizes plastic surgery and cosmetics. In Latin America and Mediterranean Europe, there isn't any social stigmatism.

 

I dunno how you can say there are lots of attractive women across the States when obesity is a huge problem here. In Michigan (my home state) there are towns where 6 outta 5 women are overweight. And that's the same with other states in the U.S.

[thatone]

I don't know about "the majority of older women," but I have lived in many different places in the US (including LA, which I hated) and some foreign countries as well. As you know, I am old. I have had a wild youth, an education, a successful professional career and now I live a rural life. I have collected many women friends through my journey so far. Most of us still have vanity and look good. It's probably not the number one priority of any of my friends, young or old.

 

I have to say that having boys going on and on about the qualities of our asses is also not high on our list of priorities.

 

Oxy, I am not saying that women in middle age and beyond look as good as we did at whatever moment we "peaked" in physical attractiveness. Even if we partake of plastic surgery, botox, the gym and tons of makeup, if we are trying to look like a 20 year old - we are losers.

 

What I am trying to get you to look at is that we don't really care that much. The peak of physical attractiveness is lovely. Caring for our bodies is good. I am happy to be vain. But life is full of seasons. Other things become more important to most of us humans - I hope so, anyway. If we "older women" were left yearning for that moment when we were at our most juicy and pretty, life would be pretty dismal. That is just a flash in a long long continuum.

 

Successful relationships are NOT built upon women trying to "capitalize" on their most glorious physical moment and men trying to snatch them up at that moment. Sure, people (like you) are functioning at that level. I don't think it is going to lead anywhere fulfilling for many people of either gender.

 

but if you take your high school reunion example, i'm sure you ran into plenty of people at said high school reunion who never went anywhere, or did anything, and have nothing else to hold on to except how they think they're still physically attractive.

 

that's a lot of people. our society amongst other downward trends, is getting more stupid. hell, we have an entire political party that uses pride in stupidity to attract voters and contributors.

 

so put yourself in a man's shoes. we aren't sitting around waiting on someone to provide attention to us, we have to go get it. and there's no way to sniff out a bimbo without talking to her. if the bimbo is obviously available no man is going to turn her down, he's just going to backup plan her. the same way women backup plan men with "lets just be friends, you can buy me stuff and give me attention until the guy i really want comes along".

 

you say successful relationships aren't built that way, but that doesn't stop a good majority of single women from behaving that way. and as long as they behave that way men are gonna behave that way too.

 

as i tell a female friend of mine on a regular basis, i can't change the world, i just live here .

 

to answer the OP...

 

 

I don't go out with guys:

 

- whose age preferences is skewed towards younger women. I probably reject about 80% of all guys who contact me for that reason.

 

that is every single man on this planet. the only difference is they are invited to state this on a dating profile on the internet, whereas if he met you in person he simply wouldn't tell you.

 

every man you have slept with prefers women younger than themselves. think about it that way, then consider whether it's still a deal breaker.

Edited December 29, 2011 by thatone

[Mme. Chaucer]

but if you take your high school reunion example, i'm sure you ran into plenty of people at said high school reunion who never went anywhere, or did anything, and have nothing else to hold on to except how they think they're still physically attractive.

 

 

That's true. The worst cases were a woman who evidently is desperately using many of her resources to try to look like she is still 20 (or 18) at 45, and the "cool guy" who was in a semi-successful band in high school, but who was not pulling it off very well a few decades later though he had failed to develop a new persona.

 

Generally, my peers are pretty successful. My high school was in an upper middle class town and was very much a college preparatory school, so the majority went to college. Men and women alike.

 

In my opinion, the reason the women aged better was not that they had little else to do than be pretty. That isn't the case, anyway. I think it's just societal, and that women have a lot more tools at their disposal to use towards the end of looking good, like fashion and cosmetics. An overweight middle aged woman who has the right clothes and beautiful skin, hair and makeup can look a lot more attractive than an overweight middle aged man who is wearing dockers. I think so, anyway.

 

I am not trying to argue about the fact that age and its physical attributes are more accepted by society, in general, in men than in women. Still, I think that IN GENERAL, in MY experience, women are looking better at my age than the men are.

[thatone]

i agree with your last point. i certainly don't look like i did when i got out of high school but that doesn't slow me down. women put emphasis on other things at my age (social status, financial status, etc.) often more than appearance. women on the other hand that i see in random public situations always get approached by older men, even to the point of the women being 50+ and the men being 60+.

[Imajerk17]

Well, a few thoughts to PlumPrincess.

 

(1) You can reject someone for any reason you want, but is it helping your cause. It has been noted by A LOT of people how many women on here make atrocious decisions when it comes to choosing who to get involved with. They write guys off for silly little things (such as "looking at" you "with too much interest" or being indecisive about picking a place to go), but then they ignore huge red flags if "The Chemistry" is there (whatever that means). And the results are typically horrible. Is that how you operate? Your example about falling for the fat azzhat makes me think it is (to be blunt).

 

Holding out for chemistry could work, as long as you have and use solid boundaries to weed out the reg flags. You might have to wait a while for someone like that to come along and stick around though. And in the meanwhile you might be passing up on guys who would have been great for you if you had only given them a chance.

 

 

(2) I only have your posts to go by PlumPrincess, but you don't seem like you would be much fun to spend time with. You don't seem that easygoing, and you seem to fret a lot. It shows in the examples you gave for writing off guys (I was reading it thinking 'it bothered you THAT much?'). No one likes the feeling of being judged and evaluated too closely, and from reading your posts, I get the feeling that is what hanging out with you on a first date especially would feel like.

 

 

(3) As far as your hangup on the men's age preferences thing, well, men are visual. We are attracted to youth and beauty. It's how we are wired. Just as you are attracted to decisiveness. Almost every guy in his 30's would much rather being with a woman 10 years younger than him than 5 years older than him, all other things being equal. So get over it.

 

 

Hope this helps...

Edited December 29, 2011 by Imajerk17

[thatone]

she even threatened to stop reading someone's posts on this forum .

 

hello? you don't know anyone on this forum in person, you can't threaten to leave them if they're not even nearby.

 

the impression i get is the only thing you've got to say for yourself when challenged is "i'll stop talking to you". well if the guy has any other options he will simply walk away at that point.

 

first lesson most women need to learn:

 

you are not entitled to male attention. it is not a privilege to spend time with you. relationships are two way streets. if you have nothing to offer except the threat of leaving, then you're not going to get the man you want.

Edited December 29, 2011 by thatone

[Imajerk17]

she even threatened to stop reading someone's posts on this forum .

 

 

Are you serious? I didn't even see that post by her. Anyway, that's messed up. It's even worse than I thought.

[PlumPrincess]

she even threatened to stop reading someone's posts on this forum .

 

hello? you don't know anyone on this forum in person, you can't threaten to leave them if they're not even nearby.

 

the impression i get is the only thing you've got to say for yourself when challenged is "i'll stop talking to you". well if the guy has any other options he will simply walk away at that point.

 

first lesson most women need to learn:

 

you are not entitled to male attention. it is not a privilege to spend time with you. relationships are two way streets. if you have nothing to offer except the threat of leaving, then you're not going to get the man you want.

I can't remember anymore why and to whom I said it - but of course I trust your words - but I'm not going to spend time arguing with guys who just argue for the sake of arguing and do that with an absurd logic. I just don't do that anymore.

 

I'm not really sure why you guys are complaining so much about me. It's as if you feel personally attacked. You don't have to date me. And I'm sure you also have your personal criteria for weeding out women.

[Imajerk17]

Well what were you hoping to hear? Your standards are unrealistic (going by what you've written at least) and if it is a reflection of your personality, you are probably turning guys off further with a critical guarded attitude.

 

I tried to put this as kindly as possible. Were you expecting something else?

[PlumPrincess]

Well what were you hoping to hear? Your standards are unrealistic (going by what you've written at least) and if it is a reflection of your personality, you are probably turning guys off further with a critical guarded attitude.

 

I tried to put this as kindly as possible. Were you expecting something else?

Weeell, I think you guys are more pissed off with what I wrote than I am with your comments.

[Imajerk17]

Suit yourself.

[thatone]

I can't remember anymore why and to whom I said it - but of course I trust your words - but I'm not going to spend time arguing with guys who just argue for the sake of arguing and do that with an absurd logic. I just don't do that anymore.

 

I'm not really sure why you guys are complaining so much about me. It's as if you feel personally attacked. You don't have to date me. And I'm sure you also have your personal criteria for weeding out women.

 

it's because we have all met and dated women like you, to be honest.

 

when you're looking for a reason to disqualify every man you meet you're wasting your time and theirs.

 

dating isn't supposed to be a jumping through hoops test. it's supposed to be fun, actually. when you try to make it too serious it's not going to work out well for you. you're not terribly different from the first guy in your original post. you're taking this way too seriously, just as he was.

 

i mean, the whole point of online dating is to widen your potential number of people to meet. but in your own words you say you're disqualifying every man out there based on, as i said above, information that you otherwise wouldn't know had you met them randomly in public.

 

so you're fighting against the system, and wondering why it's not working out for you? there you have it.

[SilverLining]

PlumPrincess, I don't think you are out of line, and you clearly don't think so either, despite your asking for advice about it. Guy #1 was needy and you weren't into him anyway. You want someone you are attracted to and who will back off when you tell him you aren't interested. Neediness isn't sexy. You don't need to apologize for that. Guy #2 asked you out but didn't have a plan. It comes off like he couldn't give a crap about going out with you. If a guy wants to impress you he will have a plan, rather than come off looking clueless. Again, being completely indecisive isn't sexy in a man or a woman, but especially in a man when you are interested in guys with enough confidence to take charge. So you found something else out about yourself, and you don't need to apologize for that. Guy #3 wasn't attractive to you because he was missing a tooth. If you weren't attracted you weren't attracted, and you don't need to apologize for that.

 

A lot of guys will give you crap and make you feel like you need to just take whatever you can get because it's there. Not true. If you want someone you are attracted to, define the terms of that attractiveness (having their teeth, confident, and assertive) and go with it. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. You don't have to date every guy who shows interest and you don't need to waste your time with people you don't feel a connection to. Sure, that means you reject a lot of guys but there are a lot of people out there and it's all part of knowing yourself. There are some people who are fine with any old flavor ice cream and those who have favorites. Don't waste your time (or anyone else's) with Cherry Chunk if you are a Rocky Road girl. And don't apologize for it either.

[PlumPrincess]

it's because we have all met and dated women like you, to be honest.

 

when you're looking for a reason to disqualify every man you meet you're wasting your time and theirs.

 

dating isn't supposed to be a jumping through hoops test. it's supposed to be fun, actually. when you try to make it too serious it's not going to work out well for you. you're not terribly different from the first guy in your original post. you're taking this way too seriously, just as he was.

 

i mean, the whole point of online dating is to widen your potential number of people to meet. but in your own words you say you're disqualifying every man out there based on, as i said above, information that you otherwise wouldn't know had you met them randomly in public.

 

so you're fighting against the system, and wondering why it's not working out for you? there you have it.

When was the last time you met a woman whom you told after the first date that she was a hot chick? And when was the last time a woman wanted to go out with you somewhere to grab a bite and you just stood there, being clueless and not making decision until she has to take the lead? And when you finally manage to go to a place she suggests and it turns out to be a horrible place, would you go and make a negative comment about the place? Oh, let's turn it around, how does a woman make you feel that criticizes a place that you pick? It doesn't have to be an extensive negative review of the place, just a small unnecessary complaint. You can admit it, you would not be thrilled.

 

I was more hoping for answers like, "My husband was also really overweight when I met him and although I'm not into overweight man, I gave him a shot. It turned out to be a good decision, because it really motivated him to lose weight. Give him a chance."

 

Those guys who want younger women? In general, these are not the kind of people I want for a long-term intimate relationship. I would get along with them at work or maybe friendships, but I don't respect them enough to want a relationship with them. The difference between online dating and real life is that you can read the online profiles and weed them out faster.

[PlumPrincess]

PlumPrincess, I don't think you are out of line, and you clearly don't think so either, despite your asking for advice about it. Guy #1 was needy and you weren't into him anyway. You want someone you are attracted to and who will back off when you tell him you aren't interested. Neediness isn't sexy. You don't need to apologize for that. Guy #2 asked you out but didn't have a plan. It comes off like he couldn't give a crap about going out with you. If a guy wants to impress you he will have a plan, rather than come off looking clueless. Again, being completely indecisive isn't sexy in a man or a woman, but especially in a man when you are interested in guys with enough confidence to take charge. So you found something else out about yourself, and you don't need to apologize for that. Guy #3 wasn't attractive to you because he was missing a tooth. If you weren't attracted you weren't attracted, and you don't need to apologize for that.

 

A lot of guys will give you crap and make you feel like you need to just take whatever you can get because it's there. Not true. If you want someone you are attracted to, define the terms of that attractiveness (having their teeth, confident, and assertive) and go with it. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. You don't have to date every guy who shows interest and you don't need to waste your time with people you don't feel a connection to. Sure, that means you reject a lot of guys but there are a lot of people out there and it's all part of knowing yourself. There are some people who are fine with any old flavor ice cream and those who have favorites. Don't waste your time (or anyone else's) with Cherry Chunk if you are a Rocky Road girl. And don't apologize for it either.

Hey, thanks for your support.

 

I was looking for answers in the line of, "Hey, they are needy/negative/etc. but give them a chance. My guy was really negative in the beginning and when I told him, he stopped doing it." What's the likelihood of people changing? Is neediness a good reason to find someone off putting? Is that behavior that the first guy displayed really neediness or just normal nervousness?

[SilverLining]

If you go out on a date with a guy and you don't like him, you don't like him. I wouldn't ever assume that people can change or be changed unless they want to. I think you are talking about settling because you aren't finding what you want. Sure, you might want to expand your horizons a bit. Go ahead and accept dates from anyone and they might surprise you, but don't force a connection because you feel like you need to. I think that if you REALLY liked these men, then you wouldn't have ditched them because they came off as needy, missing a tooth, were indecisive. The issue here to me seems like you just didn't like them and are trying to justify why you didn't. You don't need to justify it. If you felt a connection you might have been willing to try a second date or something, but you didn't feel connection enough to do that. Nothing wrong with that at all.

[PlumPrincess]

Guy #1 just contacted me and wished me a happy V-day. The last time I heard from him was at the beginning of November. He suggested going for a hike and I didn't reply, since he had already sent me more messages than I wanted to reply to.

 

Guys are weird. I do not understand them.

[somedude81]

So he's weird because he wants to see you?

 

What is so hard to understand about that?

[PlumPrincess]

So he's weird because he wants to see you?

 

What is so hard to understand about that?

Would you contact a girl on Valentine's day when she has been ignoring you for like 3.5 months? And I'm not sure how Americans view Valentine's day. It seems that it's not only a romantic holiday there and people also express their affection to platonic friends, but here it's a day for couples. He spent quite a lot of time in the States, so maybe he also views it as a nice day to remember friends, but well, it's still kind of weird.

[PlumPrincess]

He's smart he knew today would be a good day to try!

What am I getting from you for Valentine's day?

[PlumPrincess]

Well if we lived in Neverland together I'd go find the prettiest wild flowers and pick it fo you. I'd also give you some of my pirates treasure like a diamond tiara. Finaly something sweet like you to eat. I'd also carve our initials in a tree.

My romantic hero...