Are these good reasons to lose interest/reject someone?

[somedude81]

She's undesireable but ended up leaving you...

 

hmmmmm.. interesting.

 

Also. You were only dating for two weeks. She didn't leave you. You never had her.

Desperation makes men do stupid things.

 

She's also the closest thing I've ever had to a relationship and the only girl I've ever kissed

 

But that's enough about me, this is Plum's thread.

[ditzchic]

Personally I'd like to hear her definition of skewed. I mean is -5/+4 skewed?

 

I can give a third reason for looking younger, energy. I have a few more years on my minus side, because I want someone who can keep up with me. Pretty much all the single women I know that are my age or older have fallen into this old maid routine.

 

man: Want to go to a movie Wed. night?

woman: Sure, what time?

man: 10:15!

woman: Oh I can't that's past my bedtime!

man: :confused:

 

Excuse us for having responsibilities. I'm sorry that I get up at 6am most days so I can get in a good jog so I can look and feel good before I go to my 9-5 so I can pay my bills and offer to split a saturday dinner check so I don't have to settle for some poor sap I'm not really in love with to do it for me.

 

Personally, guys with that kind of lifestyle past the age of, say, 27ish are a huge turn off. Nothings worse than a manchild. There is no shame in acting your age. The fun doesn't stop after 25. It just changes.

[jobaba]

I don't feel bothered. And I wasn't being angry. It was a serious question. You would still find her attractive and wouldn't mind sleeping with her?

 

Absolutely!

 

A tooth is something that can be replaced so easily.

 

Lol.

[Lonely Ronin]

More like this -12/+1

 

 

Oh God, this is exactly the reason why I don't want to meet them at all. They all think they are so young. I'd like to tell them all to take a good, hard look at themselves.

 

-12/+1 is ridiculous, that's just a guy looking to sleep with a younger woman.

 

I sense a slight negativity towards feeling/thinking young, why is that?

 

Some people are just more energetic than others. I'm that way for example, I have been a natural athlete since I was a child, My mind is always grinding away on something. I sleep like 4 to 6 hours a night. Heck, my mom used to joke that she thought I needed ritalin when I was little.

[eleanorhurting]

Did you go out with him again? I hope not!

 

we had lunch/breakfast twice after that but it was obvious we were very different and not compatible for dating (although i would hang out with his as a pal). That is my track record. The little I've dated this past year has been usually 3 dates and we're done. I've learned how to not get too invested. This is why I do not kiss anymore on the first date. I'm saving my kisses for people who make it past the 3 date mark

[Lonely Ronin]

Excuse us for having responsibilities. I'm sorry that I get up at 6am most days so I can get in a good jog so I can look and feel good before I go to my 9-5 so I can pay my bills and offer to split a saturday dinner check so I don't have to settle for some poor sap I'm not really in love with to do it for me.

 

Personally, guys with that kind of lifestyle past the age of, say, 27ish are a huge turn off. Nothings worse than a manchild. There is no shame in acting your age. The fun doesn't stop after 25. It just changes.

 

I'm not knocking responsibilities, I have plenty of those as well. I'm not talking the manchild life style either. I'm talking about remembering to truly live once and a while. To me that means breaking out of the routine every now and then.

[PlumPrincess]

The only one of the criteria I think might be hindering you is eliminating guys who are looking for younger women. I'm not saying you should respond to someone whose age limits are, say, 18-21 (ew) but at least give some of them a chance before writing them off entirely. The rest of your turn-offs seem totally reasonable to me, though I know some of the guys on here are going to have a problem with them (although jobaba was pretty nice about it!). Is the problem that you aren't finding anyone to actually be in a LTR with, hence the re-evaluation?

The most recent guy was 38 had something like -14/+4. He said he lived in a college town and if he didn't lower the age limit, there would be very few single women left. I told him then he should have put -14/+14. I really can't hear their excuses anymore. They all think they're so young at heart and only a younger woman can keep up with them.

 

I think all of the aforementioned guys are nice guys, but I just don't feel very much for them. I'm often put off really fast. So I wonder, am I too picky and emotionally unavailable or are these good reasons not to get involved?

[PlumPrincess]

Where to go on a date? My gal was great from the start, She undersdtood that I could take her on a hundred hikes, birdwatching, etc but that I was clueless about restaurants, etc. She knew I could read and recite the periodic table but not a menu.

It was not about picking a place for a date. It was about this lack of decisiveness. We were in this chat surrounded by silence. I wanted him to be more assertive and he didn't do anything. Like I said, if I was in that position, I'd say, "I have no idea right now, but let me look for some places online and then I'll get back to you in 10 minutes."

 

Overweight? A few pounds is fine but its 'not' about the weight...it's the attitude towards life. There's a couple gals at gym who are probably 10 pounds overweight but I don't see them as undesirable as they work out consistently. I admire their dedication In contrast, someone with a sedentary lifestyle is a turn off. "It's Christmas, everyone gains weight"..no, actually my gal and I don't. We're not mindless zombie eating machines.

When I was younger, I once had this huge crush on this guy. He was really overweight with a really big belly. He was quite charming though , that assh*le. I didn't meet him online though. I'm not sure if I would still be attracted to him because of his weight. I'm not sure what changed.

[PlumPrincess]

Perhaps your "fatty" comment struck a nerve with the Plump Princess for a reason?

Now I'm not only weird, but also fat.

[lululucy]

The most recent guy was 38 had something like -14/+4. He said he lived in a college town and if he didn't lower the age limit, there would be very few single women left. I told him then he should have put -14/+14. I really can't hear their excuses anymore. They all think they're so young at heart and only a younger woman can keep up with them.

 

I think all of the aforementioned guys are nice guys, but I just don't feel very much for them. I'm often put off really fast. So I wonder, am I too picky and emotionally unavailable or are these good reasons not to get involved?

 

Yeah that's a little extreme.. I could understand -10/+4 even in that scenario -- there's a big difference between 24 and 28 and just because there would be "few single women left" doesn't mean he should've been dating them. Hell, there aren't that many 24 year olds in college anyway! Sounds more like he's not trying to totally alienate the 18-22 crowd.

 

I think the fact that you're "often put off really fast" is something you should really look at. Some of these are good reasons, but perhaps not reasons that should elicit as strong of a response from you as they are. The date thing, for example: perhaps it was a bad time for him, or he was busy, or he really couldn't think of anywhere.

[Mme. Chaucer]

If you don't like someone, or don't feel like spending any more time with them to find out whether you might end up liking them, you don't need a "good" reason to lose interest or reject them.

 

It does not necessarily mean your standards are not realistic. Almost all of us are really hoping to find someone who sparks our interest, except for the strictly "quantity trumps quality" guys among our little world here.

 

If you never meet anyone who you "click" with, you might want to take a look at yourself … because it could be possible that you are setting up for failure. But from your OP here, that is not what it sounds like.

 

I met a lot of men before I found this one - and he met a lot of women before me. None of them worked for either of us.

[kaylan]

I met some guys and was sure there was no interest, but he was not among them.

 

To rephrase my question: Is it ok to reject a guy, because he is overly interested in you right from the beginning? Or am I just looking for a reason to reject guys?

I might be put off a bit if a girl is way to interested right away. In the past its made me wonder what was up with the girl to act so over eager, and seemed a tad desperate.

 

I do think you need to just chill and let things happen naturally. Things get better when you dont think so analytically all the time and just go with the flow. I have the same problem as you and my friends tell me "Kay, why do you look for reasons to dislike a girl" Im picky but also a little paranoid about falling hard and getting hurt.

 

I think it was the lack of decisiveness and how he handled the awkwardness when we were trying to find a place. I had already asked him and it started to feel like he was really clueless.

I dont think this is that serious. You gotta lighten up. You know how to make plans dont ya?

 

And like I said, a decent amount of girls Ive met dont seem to know how to make plans...so if I nexted them for it then Id have trouble dating.

 

No joke, it was a complaint. I'm just not sure if complaining too much is something that should be held against people if you're looking for a long-term relationship.

I would of let it slide...however, any form of negativity is a turn off when just meeting someone. I wouldnt want a girl to be complaining about something on our first date or two.

 

I think it was one of the tooth on the side of the front teeth. He got it knocked out by accident and there was a problem with the screw that only his dentist in his home country could fix. He had been running around like this for at least two months.

I would of let it slide then. He might of not want to go to different people to get work done for a specific thing if the professional doing it is already someone he trusts. However, he may have been waiting to go visit his homeland to do it because the medical costs are way cheaper than here.

 

I think the former reason is just as bad!

I dont think its just as bad. Some folks are younger at heart and fit in better with a younger crowd sometimes. I wouldnt mind if an older gal needed a lil of my youth

[Oxy Moronovich]

In all honesty, good or even bad reasons are fine as long as you either have plenty of options to move on to, or can happily grow old and die alone.

I've been saying forever, "Time is not on a woman's side."

 

Ambrose Bierce once said, "You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. You are avenged 1440 times a day."

 

The average woman's looks start to fade a lot faster than they think. Before they know it, fewer men are approaching them. Women can have their fun by being picky when they are young. But when they get older (for some women that starts at 30...or even younger), they won't be having fun when they realize the terrible loneliness that overcomes them.

 

Hopefully, a woman won't respond to my post by acting predictable: saying her dating life got better after she was 30.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Hopefully, a woman won't respond to my post by acting predictable: saying her dating life got better after she was 30.

 

Why not? Women who have already lived through their teens and 20's have experience and perspective that you will never have.

 

Sure, being nubile and beautiful make a woman attractive. Being attractive does not necessarily translate into being ready or able to have a lasting relationship. There are millions and millions of women who are not nubile or sometimes even attractive in long, happy relationships with men. Not even one of those I can think of off the top of my head got into that relationship when in the perfect bloom of youth.

 

I've said this before: you and a few other guys here seem to view life with the opposite sex as if it all takes place within the confines of a frat party.

 

I'm sure you are enjoying your time dating exquisite women in their early 20's (if you actually are - this all might be mostly wishful thinking!). Check back in with us someday when you feel like you've fallen deeply in love with a woman who you believe you want to spend the rest of your life with.

[grkBoy]

I've been saying forever, "Time is not on a woman's side."

 

Ambrose Bierce once said, "You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. You are avenged 1440 times a day."

 

The average woman's looks start to fade a lot faster than they think. Before they know it, fewer men are approaching them. Women can have their fun by being picky when they are young. But when they get older (for some women that starts at 30...or even younger), they won't be having fun when they realize the terrible loneliness that overcomes them.

 

Hopefully, a woman won't respond to my post by acting predictable: saying her dating life got better after she was 30.

 

I only agree with the bolded statement when said woman is adamant on having a family.

 

The "looks fading" thing has become irrelevant with health practices and even cosmetic surgery. Look how many older women now are being pursued by younger men? As long as she doesn't blimp out and/or chop her hair short into a "guy cut", she'll probably still turn heads until she hits senior citizen age levels.

 

If a woman can happily grow old and die alone, then the "clock is ticking" debate becomes null and void. In the past, women saw growing old alone as a sign of failure, but that's when they were expected to marry and be housewives/mothers. Now with women's liberation, a woman can think of herself as successful even if she dies alone...provided she didn't waste her life.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Thanks, grkBoy. I really appreciate this perspective coming from the voice of a young man.

[kaylan]

Its funny how guys act like time is on their side in terms of looks. They age too, and many dont age well into their 30s and 40s and some women end up dating guys in their 20s as a result. It is what it is.

 

Youthful looks will always be attractive, male or female

 

I wouldnt mind an older attractive gal for some fun.

 

If anyone watches Entourage...Ari Gold wife was freaking fine. Her body was amazing for any age. Kicks the crap out of many girls I went to school with.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I've been to a few high school reunions, and in general, my women peers have aged more gracefully than the men. All of us reunion-goers agree on that.

[PlumPrincess]

I think the fact that you're "often put off really fast" is something you should really look at. Some of these are good reasons, but perhaps not reasons that should elicit as strong of a response from you as they are. The date thing, for example: perhaps it was a bad time for him, or he was busy, or he really couldn't think of anywhere.

Ok, I think next time I will not discard them immediately but go on a second date.

[PlumPrincess]

If you don't like someone, or don't feel like spending any more time with them to find out whether you might end up liking them, you don't need a "good" reason to lose interest or reject them.

 

It does not necessarily mean your standards are not realistic. Almost all of us are really hoping to find someone who sparks our interest, except for the strictly "quantity trumps quality" guys among our little world here.

 

If you never meet anyone who you "click" with, you might want to take a look at yourself … because it could be possible that you are setting up for failure. But from your OP here, that is not what it sounds like.

 

I met a lot of men before I found this one - and he met a lot of women before me. None of them worked for either of us.

Thanks. I always appreciate your posts.

[PlumPrincess]

I've been saying forever, "Time is not on a woman's side."

Hollywood really messes up with people's head. Women think they can be Julia Roberts and get rescued by some hot looking millionaire and men think they will (still ) look as hot as Richard Gere and find some hot chick like Julia Roberts when they're older.

[PlumPrincess]

Baloney.

 

I'm in my early 50's and more and more women are keeping themselves looking great. Nothing is sexier to me or a million other guys (beyond their juvenile years) than a mature gal. There's a zillion 60 year old guys ogling the 55 year female and a zillion my age ogling gals in their late 40's.

 

'Girls' in they're 40's and older are often a super catch. They've often left the 'nonsense' behind them... aren't baby or married obsessed... and have developed the social skills to be a 'partner'. young guys often think these mature gals are less picjky...actually they are far more selective in a mate and avoid the jerks and abusers. Nice guys and nice gals over 40, who keep themselves in shape, meet eachother and develop relationships these days as much as any other age group.

I think there is somewhat of a confusion. When I criticized men for wanting younger women, I not only meant chicks in their twenties, but that men always want someone who is younger than them. Why is that so?

[PlumPrincess]

Its funny how guys act like time is on their side in terms of looks. They age too, and many dont age well into their 30s and 40s and some women end up dating guys in their 20s as a result. It is what it is.

You just made up for any other post of yours that annoyed.

[Oxy Moronovich]

I know this woman approaching 40 who looks dynamite. Her name is Tammy. She has great hair, nice makeup, a lovely voice, thin without being boney, stylish clothes, a sociable, upbeat personality, and one of the hottest asses I've ever seen. It's not lumpy or wide. It's perky with a nice bubble. I love the way it sways side to side when she walks, like she's dancing the salsa. I would actually pay to grab her ass and I wouldn't wash my hand for a month. That's how awesome her ass is. If more women were as hot as she is, less men would fear getting married.

 

Unfortunately, the majority of women let themselves go after 30. North America has Northern European views of beauty. Plastic surgery and makeup are demonized. A woman can let her weight and looks go but it's okay as long as it's natural.

 

Aside from NYC and Southern California, in most parts of the country the women let their looks fade as if they are not important. I guess that's why there's no shortage of older dudes are hawking after women younger than 30. I wish to God women in this country would put a greater emphasis on their looks like Tammy does.

 

By the way, Grkyboy, no woman wants to be alone. A woman would rather be in an abusive relationship than be alone. A woman physiologically needs to have companionship.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Oxy, I'd like to encourage you to expand your mind. You seem to have swallowed some very simplistic and faulty type of propaganda hook, line and sinker, and it might be interfering with your ability to use your brain to its fullest capacity. It's certainly limiting your views.

 

As a general rule, it is wise to avoid making statements or even silently embracing a massive generality that encompasses all members of a gender, race, nation, religion, etc.

 

Certainly, many women don't want to be alone. I think that most people in general don't want to be alone. A person who prefers to be in an abusive relationship to being alone needs help, and if they are able to get it and use it, they will not remain this way. They will evolve into a person who would prefer to be alone than to be in an abusive relationship.

 

Also, I'd like to assure you that plastic surgery and makeup are thriving in many areas of North America aside from southern CA and NYC. Also, that women are maintaing plenty of sex appeal all over this vast continent even without plastic surgery and makeup. Men too.