So Here It Is...

[wilsonx]

So smokey and I have a bet, its not LS approved by the way. Our bet involves outside the box observation of our situations.

 

Shes going to win it and I have to tell LS what an awesome person she is, which she is.

 

People arent willing to give new things a shot. When I first created this thread, I said to myself, I hope that GIGS bitch doesnt come in here and start posting here. One thing I am greatful for is she did.

 

She showed me a lot and I learned a lot from her when I quit being egocentric self centered black and white thinker. I started to learn how to put myself in other people's shoes. Something my ex had been mad at me for over a year to do.

 

When this debate started in this thread, it reminded me of me. I facepalmed myself as everyone had to be right, there was even a poster here who said hey now this looks like a real relationship, arguing all over the place.

 

Its true, not one person in that argument put themselves in my shoes, because essentially these are my thoughts. Everyone said my thoughts were wrong, you cant do this, it doesnt work this way (I did this for the first 6 months here on LS and I was wrong in doing so, very wrong).

 

Here's the thing, no one is wrong and everyone is right.

 

Love is not black and white. Its not. If it was, it would be easy, you wouldnt have to work at it, you wouldn't do crazy idiotic jumping off a bridge type things to prove to someone you love them. You never make the same mistakes twice, if you do you are an idiot and last but not least, there are no rules.

 

More to come on the bet soon

[smokey bear]

So smokey and I have a bet, its not LS approved by the way. Our bet involves outside the box observation of our situations.

 

Shes going to win it and I have to tell LS what an awesome person she is, which she is.

 

People arent willing to give new things a shot. When I first created this thread, I said to myself, I hope that GIGS bitch doesnt come in here and start posting here. One thing I am greatful for is she did.

 

She showed me a lot and I learned a lot from her when I quit being egocentric self centered black and white thinker. I started to learn how to put myself in other people's shoes. Something my ex had been mad at me for over a year to do.

 

When this debate started in this thread, it reminded me of me. I facepalmed myself as everyone had to be right, there was even a poster here who said hey now this looks like a real relationship, arguing all over the place.

 

Its true, not one person in that argument put themselves in my shoes, because essentially these are my thoughts. Everyone said my thoughts were wrong, you cant do this, it doesnt work this way (I did this for the first 6 months here on LS and I was wrong in doing so, very wrong).

 

Here's the thing, no one is wrong and everyone is right.

 

Love is not black and white. Its not. If it was, it would be easy, you wouldnt have to work at it, you wouldn't do crazy idiotic jumping off a bridge type things to prove to someone you love them. You never make the same mistakes twice, if you do you are an idiot and last but not least, there are no rules.

 

More to come on the bet soon

 

 

4 days ago you were too chicken s**t to post that bet.

[wilsonx]

the breadcrumbs did me in smokey

[wilsonx]

chats lame

Edited January 7, 2012 by wilsonx

[2sunny]

When there is love - there is no need to "prove" anything.

 

There's a very good book out - the Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's very good and it might help - but you may not get this info because you have me on "ignore" so I will post it for others...

 

It's very good info...

[smokey bear]

When there is love - there is no need to "prove" anything.

 

There's a very good book out - the Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's very good and it might help - but you may not get this info because you have me on "ignore" so I will post it for others...

 

It's very good info...

 

 

LOL ill pass the message on he does like a good book.

[2sunny]

His original book changed my life about four years ago.

 

The title of that one is:

 

The Four Agreements

[wilsonx]

I agree when there's love theres no need to prove anything. I don't need a book to tell me that.

 

So past several weeks have been pretty much me watching my emotions and exploding when I try to hold them in. There have been several victims, smokey (gets the worst of it) and a couple friends. I think I got someone here on the forums too. Eh? its the past.

 

So I have to appease smokey's ego and say she was right. She picked a day and gave herself 2 weeks grace period and was within 10 days of her 2 week window. So now I have to say shes the smartest, blah blah blah person on the planet. So there it is =)

[wilsonx]

Testing, to see if Im moderated still?

 

Nice....

 

So had a friendly chat with the ex today via text,

 

I asked her how she was doing

 

her: Im okay..

me: Are you ok?

her: I said I'm okay. Whats going on with you

me: Not much have the day off, havent chatted with you in a while

her: has it been long enough though

me: long enough for what?

her: for you to talk to me without wanting anything

me: Honestly, I can talk to you without wanting anything

her: Okay then... im getting ready to go out so if you just wanted to catch up, I'm good, glad to hear you are okay. Have a good night.

Edited February 5, 2012 by wilsonx

[2sunny]

Testing, to see if Im moderated still?

 

Nice....

 

So had a friendly chat with the ex today via text,

 

I asked her how she was doing

 

her: Im okay..

me: Are you ok?

her: I said I'm okay. Whats going on with you

me: Not much have the day off, havent chatted with you in a while

her: has it been long enough though

me: long enough for what?

her: for you to talk to me without wanting anything

me: Honestly, I can talk to you without wanting anything

her: Okay then... im getting ready to go out so if you just wanted to catch up, I'm good, glad to hear you are okay. Have a good night.

 

Man... You can't see she is road blocking communication with you? Read up on open and closed communicating!

 

Why are you asking her if she's ok again when she answered you once?

 

That would annoy me. Then she's telling you she doesn't intend to engage you - yet, you seem like you're "not getting her message" - she's not intending to converse or have you expect anything.

 

Chase some more = it just keeps pushing her further away!

 

Notice she doesn't even want to make enough effort to even ask how YOU are? She says "whats going on with you" hmmm - THAT alone should tell you everything.

[betterdeal]

Glad to see you back, wilsonx.

 

What's been going on in wilson land?

[wilsonx]

Betterdeal... Not much man, processing stuff in my head, you know the whole 9 yards.

 

2sunny... all part of my master plan

 

You have no idea of what you are talking about. Keep debating me though darling. My ex is GIGS. I can text her, chase her, NC her, NIC her, sleep with her, sleep with her roommates, and all the outcomes will be the same.

 

She will be back, I am actually putting a prediction down, by the end of April.

 

Smokey says 6-8 weeks. She was right last time on the breakup, nailed it by 10 days.

[betterdeal]

Apart from the love life, what else is going on?

 

I read your text conversation and I thought, she wants to make sure things are back to how they were before you two got between the sheets. Something happened in your head when that happened, and it didn't go down well with her. You and her got too close for your comfort and you changed for the worse as a result. I don't discount that the very same or something similar may have occurred in her, but I don't know her. I know you, to some degree.

 

From personal experience, when I've focused everything on a relationship (or the other party has) it puts too much weight on it. It doesn't have room to grow, change, mutate, relax, breathe. That's why I ask about your not-love life. I believe that's why outside interests, passions, are common to most long lasting relationships.

 

A long, happy, meaningful life: That's what some consider to be our purpose or ideal goal. There's a lot of options to achieve that, and it depends on the luck of what you are given and the skill with which you use it.

 

Just some thoughts. I may be wrong.

[EgoJoe]

You know, Wilson. We have clashed before...but I hope things work out for you. Whatever happens, I hope you find happiness.

 

 

I found out something on Thursday that crushed me...I've never been so unhappy to be "right" before. It is sitll not 100% certain but with a little deductive reasoning...the rationale is easy to see.

 

I was left for someone else...someone I suspected..perhaps she was playing me, perhaps the decision was rough for her, perhaps she really was confused and perhaps I pushed her away with my own uncertainty and by admitting to being with the other girl before we commited.

 

I don't know the answers to all of the specifics and I don't know why after fighting the urge to break NC and then doing a round of FB snooping (which I have been otherwise very very very good at not doing) I don't know why I am faced with the urge to break NC and confront when I vanished back in September...I've wanted to do it since then...since she was so ridiculous and seemingly oblivious.

 

I have told myself either today or don't. I might call, I might write or whatever. I don't know. I'm telling you this (despite maybe being on ignore) because the pain does stuff to your mind. I am still not thinking 100% clearly. I need to befriend my own ego so that he stops lamenting and yet I am not sure if it is the "right" thing to do because that is so relative.

 

I've made up my mind and changed it a few times since Thursday and I'm pretty sure I am going to do it. Truthfully, I am still waiting to her a final opinion. Anyways, I wrote this bit to relate to you what is going on with me. I hope you are doing better.

[wilsonx]

You know, Wilson. We have clashed before...but I hope things work out for you. Whatever happens, I hope you find happiness.

 

 

I found out something on Thursday that crushed me...I've never been so unhappy to be "right" before. It is sitll not 100% certain but with a little deductive reasoning...the rationale is easy to see.

 

I was left for someone else...someone I suspected..perhaps she was playing me, perhaps the decision was rough for her, perhaps she really was confused and perhaps I pushed her away with my own uncertainty and by admitting to being with the other girl before we commited.

 

I don't know the answers to all of the specifics and I don't know why after fighting the urge to break NC and then doing a round of FB snooping (which I have been otherwise very very very good at not doing) I don't know why I am faced with the urge to break NC and confront when I vanished back in September...I've wanted to do it since then...since she was so ridiculous and seemingly oblivious.

 

I have told myself either today or don't. I might call, I might write or whatever. I don't know. I'm telling you this (despite maybe being on ignore) because the pain does stuff to your mind. I am still not thinking 100% clearly. I need to befriend my own ego so that he stops lamenting and yet I am not sure if it is the "right" thing to do because that is so relative.

 

I've made up my mind and changed it a few times since Thursday and I'm pretty sure I am going to do it. Truthfully, I am still waiting to her a final opinion. Anyways, I wrote this bit to relate to you what is going on with me. I hope you are doing better.

 

WOW! You are right there with me. You just told me your entire story. For the longest time, I couldn't figure you out, you were just numb, then bitter, now you are starting to understand.

 

Funny thing is we all facebook stalk. We know its wrong but still do it. *High Five*

[wilsonx]

So Today is one of those days

 

I was talking to a "Hot Mess" yesterday all day via text, shes really cool, stubborn and funnier then I am and at least pretends to laugh at my jokes.

 

So today I asked her to go bowling with me Sat night and she said sure. Sweet date set up, good day, we stop the needy texting back and forth (haha)

 

7pm I look at my phone and think to myself (haha she broke)... then I look at the number, its my EX.

 

her: Does phil have last years w-2's?

(I sat on this for 10 minutes and looked past the words. I thought to myself, hmm she has Phil's phone number, shes friends with Phil on facebook, she lives 5 minutes away from where I work, she knows the number by heart and could call up there at any time..... hmmmm this is a feeler text. Why would you text your ex boyfriend such a silly question)

 

me: They're online... You are going to have to call him or a manager in the morning and get the number for them

 

her: Right. Thank You

 

---------------------

[EgoJoe]

I ended up emailing her, she responded defensively and attacking...I didn't read it for a whole day. I read it and then responded the next evening...I dumped everything on her last night.

 

I know she read it multiple times, no reply and I am relieved and confused...but after holding it all back. I feel better.

 

I wasn't numb and then bitter. I think I was more jaded throughout the whole "process" but...what is done is done. I gave her a piece of my mind...twice. Once nicely and once where the only thing I didn't do was take shots below the belt.

[smokey bear]

I ended up emailing her, she responded defensively and attacking...I didn't read it for a whole day. I read it and then responded the next evening...I dumped everything on her last night.

 

I know she read it multiple times, no reply and I am relieved and confused...but after holding it all back. I feel better.

 

I wasn't numb and then bitter. I think I was more jaded throughout the whole "process" but...what is done is done. I gave her a piece of my mind...twice. Once nicely and once where the only thing I didn't do was take shots below the belt.

 

 

Its important for this to happen for a recon to be successful.

[wilsonx]

Ran into Ex tonight while drinking with an old middle school friend. She use to work with my ex, she was just randomly talking about how the guy my ex left me for was a pedophile and if you touched him, you would be covered in slime, next thing you know we look over and she appeared right around the corner at the bar.

 

We both left but ex did the best possible job of avoiding me while keeping tabs on me. Slightly annoyed

[betterdeal]

How long have you been ex's for?

[wilsonx]

Betterdeal 8 months in all fairness, she works at the bar I went to... I showed up there after a night out at another bar and her car wasnt there at 6:50 which I thought meant she had the night off, so I went in.

 

Most places around here (I use to be a server) have people come in 5 tops so I figured I had the night free as it is walking distance to my place and I had planned on getting wasted. Instinctively, I knew there was a possibility I would run into her but was relieved when her car wasnt there. Guess they have 7pm shifts lol

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

Getting back on topic

Smokey's GIGS timeline followed by some slight facebook stalking on my part.

 

The Timeline....

 

 

Me: Gigs guy lasted 4-5 months

 

Me: first missed ex at 3 months

 

Me: returned to old friends at 3 months (my ex did this with her old friends at months 3-4)

 

Me: broke up with gigs guy for 1 day (went back) ( month 4) (This happened too)

 

Me: Intimate (cringe) with ex during gigs guy first break up. 4 month mark (during day long breakup with gigs guy) (My ex wanted to do this when she stalked me on a hookup site and I NCed her)

 

Me: Considered how much I was hurting ex after 5 months (This happened with my ex and her guilt)

 

Me: Frantic search for another victim during gigs guy break up (month 5) (My ex did this too, posting a dating ad every 10 days)

 

Me:Single for 3 months (month 5-8) (She broke up with him month 7 because of the holidays, smokey actually predicted this and was off only by 3 days)

 

Me: Reached out to gigs guy at 10 weeks post break up lasted approx 3-4weeks (month 7.5) (She's Right Here now having fun with GIGS GUY)

 

Me: Considering my ex (month 8) (She sent me a text recently then back off into GIGS land)

 

2 weeks of talking myself out it, 2 weeks of talking myself in it.

 

Me: Back with ex. (start of month 9) (This is what my instinct is telling me... Month 9-10 of breakup... 12-13 months of GIGS for her to come back)

[s2korean]

Wilson is there a possibility I could talk to you through Im or email reguarding my situation?

[fucpcg]

When I first created this thread, I said to myself, I hope that GIGS bitch doesnt come in here and start posting here. One thing I am greatful for is she did.

 

Grateful. Sorry it's the editor in me!

 

I think Smokey is one very smart cookie. Few people I have met online, or even know in person, seem to be able to "speak" to me in the way she does, meaning she can help make soo much sense of issues I am struggling to understand and make sense of. Smokey, I know we have hardly chatted since first meeting in here, it's only cause I am trying to stop asking the same old questions and beating my self up any more than I have the past year, but I think you are tops.

[s2korean]

I would love to chat with both smokey and Wilson regarding my ex and her

Gigs

[leoc1973]

Betterdeal 8 months in all fairness, she works at the bar I went to... I showed up there after a night out at another bar and her car wasnt there at 6:50 which I thought meant she had the night off, so I went in.

 

Most places around here (I use to be a server) have people come in 5 tops so I figured I had the night free as it is walking distance to my place and I had planned on getting wasted. Instinctively, I knew there was a possibility I would run into her but was relieved when her car wasnt there. Guess they have 7pm shifts lol

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

Getting back on topic

Smokey's GIGS timeline followed by some slight facebook stalking on my part.

 

The Timeline....

 

 

Me: Gigs guy lasted 4-5 months

 

Me: first missed ex at 3 months

 

Me: returned to old friends at 3 months (my ex did this with her old friends at months 3-4)

 

Me: broke up with gigs guy for 1 day (went back) ( month 4) (This happened too)

 

Me: Intimate (cringe) with ex during gigs guy first break up. 4 month mark (during day long breakup with gigs guy) (My ex wanted to do this when she stalked me on a hookup site and I NCed her)

 

Me: Considered how much I was hurting ex after 5 months (This happened with my ex and her guilt)

 

Me: Frantic search for another victim during gigs guy break up (month 5) (My ex did this too, posting a dating ad every 10 days)

 

Me:Single for 3 months (month 5-8) (She broke up with him month 7 because of the holidays, smokey actually predicted this and was off only by 3 days)

 

Me: Reached out to gigs guy at 10 weeks post break up lasted approx 3-4weeks (month 7.5) (She's Right Here now having fun with GIGS GUY)

 

Me: Considering my ex (month 8) (She sent me a text recently then back off into GIGS land)

 

2 weeks of talking myself out it, 2 weeks of talking myself in it.

 

Me: Back with ex. (start of month 9) (This is what my instinct is telling me... Month 9-10 of breakup... 12-13 months of GIGS for her to come back)

 

WOW! Ok so right now I am at month 9 she started reaching out to me a little bit at month 8. She even told me that she felt like she was always reaching out to me. So anyways I am at month 9 right now. She said happy Valentines day with a wink. No happy birthday no merry christmas no happy new year but now its all of the sudden happy valentines day. She is still with gigs guy.

 

We got into a small conversation she started beating around the bush and then jumped right to the "are you seeing anyone" "whats she like" "do you like her" " Are you seeing a future with her" I told her I liked her and she is really nice and treats me good. I declined to answer anymore. We stopped talking for a few days and then I get a random Text of a picture of a resturaunt with the same name as me. with just "hehe" A few more texts of hi or hows it going? I have not answered her. So if this is gigs which according to you two's timeline everythign seems to be almost identical. She even called me at month 5 crying and telling me she missed me and was sorry. Oh and she told me this guy is "Mr right now" a few weeks ago. Smokey as someone who has been through it. Predictions? Wilson? What do you think?