ChessPieceFace Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Am I misinterpreting, or are you basing all of this off of failed relationships with 2 guys?? If so, that's a big part of your problem right there. Since you put out so early, these guys may have just wanted sex. If so, then either they had a "hit it and quit it" mentality to their animal practice, OR you may not be that great in bed. I'm just theorizing... Link to post Share on other sites
Author annabanana85 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 To answer your question, I think that I have a very interesting background. I moved to the US on my own at a very young age and have had a lot of experiences up until now. I am definitely way too much for my age and have been through a lot. I am very interested in politics, music and reading and have something to say about most things. I also like to party and have fun unlike most people who I'm surrounded with at school. So I don't know how I could make myself more interesting. Answering the oldguy's implication that I am overly confident and cocky, I do not think I come across that way at all. I am in fact very humble and love to interact with people from different backgrounds. My ex was an illegal immigrant and I never ever made him feel insecure and adequate. And I am not the type of person who judges people by their appearance, money or education level. I am very egalitarian, non materialistic, non judgmental and open minded; this is something I am very proud of; I hate elitism and pretentiosity. In fact most of these guys were constantly boasting about themselves when they were with me and I was constantly encouraging them and playing myself down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annabanana85 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 By the way it is based on 4-5 guys... - Number 1 was a visiting student who was in the US for like 8 months. He dumped me because he said he is not falling for me and suggested a casual relationship. Then he started dating my friend who is not a very attractive girl and they were together for 3 months until he dumped her as well and started having another fling.er 1 was a visiting student who was in the US for like 8 months. He dumped me because he said he is not falling for me and suggested a casual relationship. Then he started dating my friend who is not a very attractive girl and they were together for 3 months until he dumped her as well and started having another fling. - The second guy was a socially awkward guy who I dumped. He was very cold during the relationship and said that he was too busy and he was not really in love with me but he thought love only existed in Hollywood movies and he liked me enough to have a serious relationship. So I dumped him. - The third one was another visiting student who dumped his gf of 5 years, then he told me he was in love with me. It was a whirlwind relationship that lasted 2 weeks and resulted in him dumping me and going back to his gf. - The fourth one was the construction worker who told me he loves me on the second date then his interested started tapering off after 2 weeks and told me that he wants to take a month break to decide if he wants to get into a serious relationship with me as he just got out of a long relationship. -The fifth one was this girlish guy (the one in the pic) who I met in the club and who is another grad student who seemed really into me and then did a fadeaway after 2 weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annabanana85 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 And lets not forget my exboyfriend of 3.5 years the illegal immigrant who I also met in a club. He was extremely sweet and affectionate in the beginning. Then he cheated on me for the last 2 years and lived off me, never paying rent or bills while subjecting me to all kinds of abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
NeoGen85 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Well..if you put it like that. Then you seem like the woman of my dreams. Maybe sex was the only thing they wanted or perhaps they realized that you two had nothing in common. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) To answer your question, I think that I have a very interesting background. I moved to the US on my own at a very young age and have had a lot of experiences up until now. I am definitely way too much for my age and have been through a lot. I am very interested in politics, music and reading and have something to say about most things. I also like to party and have fun unlike most people who I'm surrounded with at school. So I don't know how I could make myself more interesting. Answering the oldguy's implication that I am overly confident and cocky, I do not think I come across that way at all. I am in fact very humble and love to interact with people from different backgrounds. My ex was an illegal immigrant and I never ever made him feel insecure and adequate. And I am not the type of person who judges people by their appearance, money or education level. I am very egalitarian, non materialistic, non judgmental and open minded; this is something I am very proud of; I hate elitism and pretentiosity. Oldguy never mentioned, 'over confident' or said you where 'cocky'. What I did say was, you seem to think much more of yourself than the men you date, or more importantly; little of the men you date. In fact most of these guys were constantly boasting about themselves when they were with me and I was constantly encouraging them and playing myself down. Then I was obviously mistaken by your opening post Edited October 6, 2011 by oldguy Link to post Share on other sites
MiaColletus Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 It seems to me anna that you are having trouble making it clear what you want, as well as you are making it too easy for these men. a) Putting out on the second date - why don't you wait until you establish a deeper connection. See how long they're willing to stick around. 2 weeks is not nearly enough time for someone that actually wants a relationship with you to lose interest. The ones who do, will stick it out. b) During these 2 weeks that you are with the men, do you show a lot of interest/intensity towards them? Do you contact them more than they do you, do you act as if you are into them a lot? That may be a turn off, and some guys get scared off. People that do this though never really realize it and so think about it, even if the guys show a lot of interest, do you show just as much if not more? c) Places where you are meeting these men are pretty sketchy. Maybe those men don't realize you're a good girl interested in a relationship? Two weeks of them sticking around when you're already having sex by the second date is not enough time for them to really know you as a person. They probably don't realize you're cultured, smart, etc etc. (especially if you "play yourself down" and try to encourage them. In the end, all I have to say is that it seems like you're not giving them a change to actually find out how great you are. And that's not fair to you, or to them. Stop playing yourself down, stop sleeping with them too soon, and stop feeling bad about them losing interest. 4-5 guys are no where close to the average or standard so don't formulate opinions about yourself based on them. You're good looking and young so don't beat yourself up and have some fun Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Ask yourself why these guys want to date you. Do you have anything in common? They don't sound like the type of guys who would appreciate your intelligence, your musical ability, your witty conversation about current affairs - the way you described them, it sounds like the only thing they'd value in a girl like you is sex. Maybe they even found you a little boring because you're smart? A guy who has more in common with you might find you fascinating, might be entranced by your beatiful piano playing and dazzled by your intelligence, and might want more than sex. So choose a guy who values the kind of things you have to offer, and stop putting out on the second date!! Hold off on the sex until you're actually in a relationship with a guy who values you as a person. Link to post Share on other sites
Carlos S Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 It was a blessing! You're too good for those losers! Dating often requires a few goes anyway Aim for more in terms of intellect and looks. Find guys who share your passions Or, just enjoy being single as another option Seriously, I'd date you in a second if I weren't happily single (and on the other side of the world) (and probably not attractive enough for you anyway ) Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 So, let's see now. Are you always like this Anna? You always sending your pictures right away to those who ask just so they will compliment you? Also, it seems like you're super easy at giving yourself to others. The feeling I'm getting from you is despite all your superficial self esteem you're actually lacking it, big time, and you're seeking validation from others to your own self-worth, which leads you quickly into bed (and there's nothing wrong with it as long as you're not acting because of lack of self-esteem) and also makes men run away. P.S. Can I check you out too? Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Lay off. She was asked, said no, was asked again, agreed to send the pics privately so people could give her better advice. No problem there. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Answering the oldguy's implication that I am overly confident and cocky, I do not think I come across that way at all. I am in fact very humble and love to interact with people from different backgrounds. My ex was an illegal immigrant and I never ever made him feel insecure and adequate. And I am not the type of person who judges people by their appearance, money or education level. I am very egalitarian, non materialistic, non judgmental and open minded; this is something I am very proud of; I hate elitism and pretentiosity. In fact most of these guys were constantly boasting about themselves when they were with me and I was constantly encouraging them and playing myself down. Everyone is different when it comes to appreciating the opposite sex. There is no universal answer. However, I know a lot of men appreciate women with teeth. You may play yourself down a bit too much. It depends on what sort of men you want to date though, assertive men tend to prefer assertive women for example. I look for assertive men because I know they appreciate my personality more. Quieter guys don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 ... and you tolerated this because.... ??? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 So why did they lose interest in me after a month? the more they get to know you the more intimated they get. date within your own league Link to post Share on other sites
fatalcharm Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I am in a similar position to you, although I am not well educated and don't own my own apartment. I have no problems attracting interest from some wonderful (and not so wonderful) guys, but I have a hard time keeping their interest. I realized today why this is, though. Well at least I think I have. It's not the guys, I have dated many different types of guys and get the same results so it must be me. They don't loose interest after I have slept with them. It is when I really start to like them is when they start loosing interest. I don't think that I make myself too available to them or scare them off. I do think that when I start to really like someone, I become a little boring. In the beginning, I'm incredibly charismatic. I am comfortable around them and can hold a great conversation. I ooze confidence and can somehow make any story sound interesting, no matter how mundane it is. I can turn a story about going to the shops to buy milk and bread, sound like an amazing adventure. When I start to really, really like someone I loose my charisma, confidence and my ability to hold a decent conversation. I get a little nervous and go quiet. The most interesting thing in the world could have happened to me, and when I try to explain it to them, it comes out in the most boring way. Eventually I get over the nerves and the charisma comes back, but it's always at a point where we start to get to know each other on a deeper level, and I don't really need the charisma then. I always loose my charisma at a critical point. It's usually around the 1 month mark, maybe a little later. Not good. It's right when I start to become really interested in them, when they start loosing interest with me. I don't know if this is happening with you, but I just realized this today. At least now I know the problem, all I have to do is find the solution! Link to post Share on other sites
mesmerized Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Of course ugly guys seem very interested right off the start. You're probably one of the few pretty girls paying attention to them! Most (if not all) men are not looking for dating/relationships in nightclubs. You should have figured it out by now. Also, you sleep with these men way too soon. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Everyone is different when it comes to appreciating the opposite sex. There is no universal answer. However, I know a lot of men appreciate women with teeth. You may play yourself down a bit too much. It depends on what sort of men you want to date though, assertive men tend to prefer assertive women for example. I look for assertive men because I know they appreciate my personality more. Quieter guys don't. She open with how wonderful, talented, beautiful, charming, intelligent, educated and so on she is, & I have NO reason to believe she is not all of those things & more. Then she added how humble she is, well okay, lets assume she is. Finally her question was; why don't most of these, unattractive, unintelligent, low life men stick around. I'm wondering why this wonderful, talented, beautiful, charming, intelligent, educated woman is attracting or even bothering with these lazy, unattractive, stupid, uneducated men. I think the reason they don't stick around is obvious; no man wants to feel so inferior to his potential mate. She needs to raise her standards. Link to post Share on other sites
mrgoodcat Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I usually sleep with them on the second date as I said before. And the interest tapers off after the fourth date or so. Problem #1: You have sex WAY too soon Problem #2: You may do something that tells them that you're on of the VERY serious types. Maybe they pick up something "crazy" about you. But problem 1, is definitely real. They think you do this with all the guys, and you actually do. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 It is when I really start to like them is when they start loosing interest. yea that's when i split too unless there is very strong mutual chemistry... Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 You may send me your pics too if you want. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 She open with how wonderful, talented, beautiful, charming, intelligent, educated and so on she is, & I have NO reason to believe she is not all of those things & more. Then she added how humble she is, well okay, lets assume she is. Finally her question was; why don't most of these, unattractive, unintelligent, low life men stick around. I'm wondering why this wonderful, talented, beautiful, charming, intelligent, educated woman is attracting or even bothering with these lazy, unattractive, stupid, uneducated men. I think the reason they don't stick around is obvious; no man wants to feel so inferior to his potential mate. She needs to raise her standards. Contradictions, oh the contradictions. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 hmmm doubtful. A lot of girls have sex on the first date and go on to have long relationships. Problem is she dates guys she's not into. I think it is the problem too.. While having basically one night stands (2 dates is almost a ONS) there are some relationships that do form from them. I have have had them myself but her problem is caused by not knowing the guys well enough before getting intimate. If a relationship is her goal then let that goal be the deciding factor on sex.. not whether of not the guy has a hardon. Anna.. just date a guy for more than a date before having sex.. make sure he is there for the same reasons as you... Right now you have just picked 2 guys that "hit then quit it" You don't have to make the not having sex right away thing a forefront in dating but certainly you should be watching out for the "hit in then quit it guys" and putting se off for ore than a few dates can do that.. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Anna, do these guys take you on actual dates or do you guys just "hang out" declare "i love you" after a couple weeks? YOU should be running for the hills if a guy says I love you that quick. You are jumping into this stuff WAY too quickly. The faster you do that, the faster it fizzles (in general). You need to slow it down. When you meet a guy, he needs to take you on proper dates that do not include sex on the 2nd one. Seriously. You need to pace things. I can assume you immediately jump into spending what...5 days a week together or something? That is way too much. 2 or 3 dates a week MAX. I'd say start with 2, tbh. And no sex! Link to post Share on other sites
bac Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 [quote name=annabanana85;3662772So why did they lose interest in me after a month? In the beginning' date=' they were all super affectionate and interested and were declaring their adoration and love but the interest would taper off after two weeks. I really want to know what is wrong with me. I feel depressed Help![/quote] They lose interest because you should build/have emotional/intellectual connection first, then to have sex with men. You stated that you had no things in common with them except drinking in bars and having sex. Those interests are typically good enough for ONSs and short-term dating up to a few months. If the men were equal to you and they had some things in common with you, your R would be more interesting for the men and you. Link to post Share on other sites
bac Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 If you live in California I'd love to set you up with Somedude81. He's a short down to earth guy. He'd also probably become obsessed with you and never leave. You are wrong. Somedude 81 is only after nice girls who are younger than 21. The certain age is the most important point for him. Link to post Share on other sites
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