Fritz Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Originally posted by Poconobob She said well, sell the house then and we'll be done with that. Her reasoning is partly financial as well, she doesn't want to sign a lease as she told me over and over because the leases are a year. bob Which leases are a year? The last few places I've rented at, I've had month to month, 6 month lease, 8 month lease, 1 year, 14 month and I think one 11 month lease. You can always pay a fee to break a lease too. Lame excuse on her part me thinks. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Bob, I am so sorry. this sounds like a horrible situation. to Fritz Yeah I am on a month to month lease as well. I have broken some leases and never had to pay a dime. so she is afraid she'll have to pay alimony. I don't know much about divorce but couldn't you sit down with w mediator and work this out. It seems to me that if your divorce is final in Jan then there is no reason for her to stay. Can't you get that worked in to the proceedings. I mean this can't be good for you health. Plus she is the one who pushed for a divorce and now she doesn't want to give up her standard of living, well you can't have your cake and eat it to. Also I was hoping that if she got out of the house not only will it let you move on but her as well and hopefully if she lets go of some of this bitterness she will treat your son better. I am just worried for both your son and you the stress can't be good for either of you. I was thinking if there is a third person to explain why it would be better for her to leave, and point out the damage it is ding to her son. Maybe appeal to her mommy side. I don't know between two lawyers and a court mediator it seems like this could be worked out somehow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poconobob Posted November 17, 2004 Author Share Posted November 17, 2004 Fritz, that line about life being a terminal disease is FUNNY....but true, huh. I am sooooo frustrated over the moving out thing... I've seen leases too that aren't so complicated but then again, this is a remote area and from the looks of things, it is two things which were mentioned already by hotgurl.... SHE doesn't wanna give up the standard and also doesn't want to pay alimony but I'll interject another which is lazy...she wants to move once it seems. I'm wishing I could move but that would only drive my son crazy and also complicate my life with my parents who say NEVER move out, let her move.... Every single day, I've been waking once again with a headache and it continues ALL DAY....I found it has finally been identified and named--- Cathy is the symtom, ha ha, just kidding. Seriously though, this is why I'm home; not because I wanna be home but because I have a pounding headache which just won't quit. Well, I'd better go clean my bedroom and get the F outta here before the grouch comes home... bob Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 YEah I had a feeling about that. My Migraines are worse with stress. Once when we were being evicted (long story) I ended up in the hospital 2x for sots in two weeks. It was horrible. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 hey guys...my job is to difuse landlord-tenant disputes, and all sorts of rental housing issues.....i can try and help....a lot of laws are very similar in each state, county, or jurisdiction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poconobob Posted November 18, 2004 Author Share Posted November 18, 2004 IF you can help me with finding a way to move her on, it'd be a wonderful thing! The only reason is the utter chaos associated with this.... She still uses the master bedroom to dress which pisses me off since she has her own bedroom, she still uses the master bathroom which is okay but she plows into the master bedroom without knocking....she drives me bonkers. bob Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted November 22, 2004 Share Posted November 22, 2004 bob, what are you guys doing for t-day? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poconobob Posted November 23, 2004 Author Share Posted November 23, 2004 As it stands now....We're having thanksgiving here AS A FAMILY only for our son.....then, my son and I are going over to Sandy's for dinner.... I'm gonna gain 10 friggen pounds....oy... I have a busy day, lots of errands to run, etc..... Oh, and she is looking at apartments in allentown! bob Link to post Share on other sites
Fritz Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 Originally posted by Poconobob As it stands now....We're having thanksgiving here AS A FAMILY only for our son.....then, my son and I are going over to Sandy's for dinner.... I'm gonna gain 10 friggen pounds....oy... I have a busy day, lots of errands to run, etc..... Oh, and she is looking at apartments in allentown! bob Ugh. Well at least she is looking at places. I can remember those holidays "as a family" after my folks had been split for a few years. Talk about awkward and unfun. I can sympathize with ya. Have a good holiday though! Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 Well have fun. I imagine it will be uncomfortable but I bet Sandy's will be fun. At least she's looking maybe a move out date can be dicussed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poconobob Posted November 24, 2004 Author Share Posted November 24, 2004 I felt awful being so mean to her about moving out... On one hand it is best, on the other, it is going to be sooooooo hard. I can tell, she does not look forward to leaving but yet she is steady on the track of disolving everything. I don't think thanksgiving will be bad, we're on decent terms....it is just my head can't be clouded by the comfort zone of being with her, that part still is hard to comprehend. I can admit that, I can admit that I wish time could be turned back and that i had done things differently and then expected a different result, perhaps things wouldn't have turned out this way. They say, it is cheaper to keep her....but I don't care about that, I care about her, I can't change that BUT at this point with both ladies Sandy, Cathy....I would have to still say I'd rather be with Sandy as I cannot deal with the infedility that I dealt with that I now know more than factually happened cuz she saw him last week. There is no way she just started a relationship with this guy, I now know this and it did help to clarify the fact I wasn't crazy. I just don't understand HOW come someone does this to their spouse? No matter how bad things would be, the last thing i would do is screw around on my wife with another chick if I had a bound marriage which wasn't done and over with. I'm tired....and I have soooooo much to do, plus a headache to boot. bob Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted November 24, 2004 Share Posted November 24, 2004 Bob, To you now the marriage is over. Good chance she was feeling this way when you wrote down your first message on this thread. That was a few months ago. Like I said before, communication is usually the first domino that falls when a relationship starts to tumble apart. She is probably still depressed, and has probably gone to him, because she has no one else to goto. It's just weird you two are leading seperate lives, yet still have family time together and she still lives there. If that's not going to mess up a 17 year old, then I don't know what else will. Remember, to him this is his mom and dad. Imagine being a kid and experiencing this. I give him props for putting his own feelings aside while watching you two try to sort things out. Bob, since you met Sandy you have been pushing Cathy to move out, to get this divorce over. Yet before Sandy entered your life, you wanted to save this marriage. What I am trying to get at here is that you need to want this marriage to end because you don't want to be with Cathy, not because you want to be with Sandy. Unfortunately you can't turn back time. Alot of people wish they could, alot of things would have been done differently, but there is a reason why all of this happened. One can only learn from their mistakes and to remember to not make those same mistakes again in their next relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poconobob Posted November 25, 2004 Author Share Posted November 25, 2004 I readily admit that I was on the fence with Cathy for too long; I chose to try to keep things together but if you recall, after she went to harrisburg, rented a X flick--my slutty wife, disappeared more, it took a toll on me and it took my self image to an all time low. I began to believe I was not worthy of another person in my life, that nobody would want me even as a friend....and then came a girl who asked me out at work. It was then I saw or should I say realized after long talks with my doc that I MUST get over it and that the marriage is over. It wasn't until later that I started seeing Sandy but as you know I didn't push or ask her to leave because of my comfort zone. I wanted to cling to her being mom, and accepted her divorce yet living together until July '05.....YET, inside I dismissed that she'd actually go through with it and now that she has filed, I see myself being more of a person being held so SHE could be comfy with her comfort zone. It isn't a comfortable situation here at all, I get pissed off that she is dismantling our family and now that I got papers, it only magnifies the fact we need to be done in Jan... That part has nothing to do with Sandy nor anyone but myself. Sandy has zero intentions of moving in, in fact she just signed another year lease and besides, we don't talk about that. Sandy realizes I'll need space to be alone and see myself as a single guy for a while even though we have feelings, we cannot jump too fast and need baby steps as she calls it. I'll probably, no I'll definitely have a relationship with sandy Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Good, just as long as you keep that in mind while you are going through all of this. Cathy really does need to move out, especially if the divorce papers are signed. What has your lawyer said about this? Just watch that Sandy doesn't slowly push herself away from you, because of this soap opera. You also can't expect Sandy to stay there waiting while your wife still lives with you. You have to be prepared for the unexpected, always. As for Sandy, remember to be true to her. Let her continuely know how you feel about her. She sounds like a really great woman. I wish you two the best. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 I can understand Sandy being hesitant that Bob is living with his STBXW but it's not Bob's fault. She won't leave!! Is this unusual? I've not heard of this type of situation but I don't see it as Bob's fault... By the way jmargel, your avatar looks like Brad Pitt when he was in the movie "The Fight Club".... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poconobob Posted December 3, 2004 Author Share Posted December 3, 2004 LUCKILY--Sandy understands though does say I need to clean up so to speak as in dealing with Cathy moving, etc....She is not the least bit nasty except for the occasional jab of jealousy saying something like.."what were you with your wifey poo last night"..then laughs. She knows it peeves me yet as Sandy says, it is her way of teasing me yet getting angst over this mess over. She understands I'm being a "man" as she says because I'm not throwing a person I lived with for 18 years to the curb .... see, Sandy in essence was moved out when she decided she had enough with the cheating and demanded a divorce. (long story) Anyway, as it stands now, Cathy begins her new job in Allentown Monday....which I might add is over an hour drive each way. Sandy and I find that we're able to do things couples who have been married years do such as finish sentences, know what the other is thinking, think of each other at the same time and call...just odd things almost like esp. Then again, we hang out most evenings....I say most because I do try to spend as much time with my son as possible even though he has his own social life, we nail down evenings together still. The hardest part thus far has been Thanksgiving....which was kind of hard to deal with knowing it is the last as a family. I always put my family first, before anything....and it still is hard knowing each "holiday" will be the last one spent together. I actually loathe Xmas...it always was a happy time for Cathy and I....I can remember we shopped together, spent countless hours finding the right gifts for each other, having romantic evenings....ALL of which just absolutely kills me inside and I don't know why. Well, gotta go to work, Sandy just called me moments ago singing, sheesh, she is wired at 7:30a.m. and I'm 3/4 asleep but thankfully she did call me cuz I noted I've sat here at the pc for an hour and BETTER finish getting ready. bob Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 Well it's good that you still treasure the good times you had with Cathy. You won't ever forget those, and I doubt Cathy will either. IMO I still think you are in a transition phase, and it will be a very long time before you are 'over' Cathy. So, not only does Sandy have to worry about you living with her, but also after she moves out and how your feelings play out. When I was engaged to my ex, the first holiday without her sucked really bad, even though the breakup was bad. I found myself thinking about the good times, etc.. But then I would have to do a reality check now and then, that I couldn't romanticize the past. That it was her doing which caused the breakup. Last Xmas was my first Xmas being with someone other than her. I spent 4 Xmases waking up alone in between. Let me tell you, it was lonely. But at least I know now that I am fully over my ex and I am looking forward to all the new experiences with my wife. That's why I still think you are in a transition phase, you are still dreading the future without holidays with Cathy, and still wish the past was the present. But, it's normal to think that. And BTW, thanks vivian. I never saw the movie, but from what I gather all the chicks are into Brad Pitt.. lol.. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted December 5, 2004 Share Posted December 5, 2004 ALL of which just absolutely kills me inside and I don't know why. I do! Like you said....it was a great time that you had with someone you loved for a long time. It will probably "kill you for a while" but as you heal, I hope you can look back with a smile on your face and think "those were good times!"....now you have your son, Sandy and her children to make brand, new, happy memories!! I know I'm dreading the daylights out of this Christmas (last year my husband and daughter were in Maine, his mother had passed away on the 14th and they stayed with his Daddy so he wouldn't be alone for Christmas so that was our first year without each other for Christmas)....I don't know how we will work things out, I'm hoping I can stay at my house for that night and be there for my daughter that morning. Life can be so sad sometimes... Take care Bob.....you've been through alot and have come a long way!! (yes jmargel....we chicks are wwwwaaaayyyy into BRAD!! ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poconobob Posted January 3, 2005 Author Share Posted January 3, 2005 The holiday's were VERY ackward to say the least....I can see we're nearing the end as we continue to move apart more and more. I don't have a ton of time to reply as I've been working on self improvement and keeping my head above water so to speak. As for my personal well being, that is another story, I seem to be catching every single bug that comes along....guess it is because I didn't work and wasn't around people to this extent. Oh well... Sandy is doing fine, my son got lots of presents from me and a few from mommy. My main reason for the post tonight was to say Happy New Year and good health to all. bob Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 Bob how are you doing? I've been thinking of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poconobob Posted January 18, 2005 Author Share Posted January 18, 2005 Cathy has an atty....she is driving me nuts mentally with all the bull that goes w/divorce. I get the feeling that she wants to be empowered and feels like the more miserable I am, the happier she is.... That being said, I spend as little time here as possible and dwell on work and continuing to be a better person. Shoot.....I gotta go, more later, I promise. bob Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poconobob Posted May 16, 2005 Author Share Posted May 16, 2005 I'm scared...... I don't know who will reply back as I have not been the ideal subject of late.... What has happened to me is NOT only literally impossible to put to words but crawl along the lines of impossible to believe such bad luck and decision making on my part could be possible! Why? to escape.... Let me fast forward a tad bit from my long ago post. Since then, Xmas has come and gone......Sandy moved in as Cathy was supposed to move out.....Sandy has been in the hospital and is once again, this time for mental anguish associated with her being ill as well as some depression and her biggest problem, amonia levels are running high and she had to get a bunch of potassium. Anyway, CATHY STILL HAS NOT MOVED OUT......SHE STILL LIVES HERE!!!!!!!! It is like war of the roses now... She wants me stuck with ALL THE BILLS, has tried and tried to make me more miserable, tried to cause sooooooooooo many problems. I want to see if anyone still remembers me before I expound futher as it is my hopeful friends I need now more than ever. I mean it guys.....I even did some self distruction things which could have placed me in rehab......but thankfully I caught it. bob Link to post Share on other sites
pedwin Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Hi Bob, I haven't heard from you in a long while. What has happened? I am here and ready to listen. Pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poconobob Posted May 16, 2005 Author Share Posted May 16, 2005 Pedwin, The "novel" reads like this....and it isn't fiction Let me think back to Xmas, it went as well as it could given that Cathy was supposed to leave and visit her mother but Ohio got slammed with a snow storm in Cincinnati (lol, rare they get a storm like that) anyway that was my luck. Sandy, Bryan, and I spent the Xmas at her apartment.....Cathy went out. Come new year came ME being able to have Sandy over as Cathy went to Ohio that weekend. Upon her return from Ohio, she stated she was not moving to Alabama, nor going back to college and that she'd be moving withing the next month. Hence I then told Sandy. I told her, she planned to move in a month after Cathy left. She gave notice to the landlord, moved in subsequently thereafter. Oh, she ended up in the hospital in Feb...towards the end. Cathy was "delayed" in moving due to her owing the IRS 6K almost which like a dumb as$ I helped her. I found it harder and harder and harder as Fall went to Winter to work, pain, aggrivation, depression, etc set in......I surmise looking back that it was because of the seasonal afective disorder I have, also the holiday season and rememberances of what used to be.....and of course my situation. Some sob while sandy was in the hospital was helping me pack......ONE of her OLD friends who became a drug addict. I knew of the drug use, knew how Sandy would know of people who over the years were normal people then became drug addicts. I guess based on what I've learned that people in this area with the depression and sheer number of people from the big cities brought with them the "drug scene"... I did it..... I did a smoke type drug for the first time in my life and kinda partied to forget. It cost me tons of money before leaning on my own self to prop my buttox on a table and pull my head out of my rear end. Sandy had not much of an idea except to go along with what I did. ' I hate talking about it, it embarrasses me...... I know what I did wrong, I also know that had I not given into the urge, I would back then have thought I couldn't make it......when in fact, I would have been better off NEVER touching the crap. By the way, I'm not talking POT.... I did worse. I now fast forward to later on when I ##### HOld on CELL phone ringing....it is like 2am I just told someone to leave me the f alone.....that I quit month ago....sheesh. I cannot change my cell number as I NEED it or at least that is my excuse. Anyway, long story short by April, and with depression deeply set in, and all, the house on the market, nobody looking, nasty weather, I had a long, long, long, long talk with my son, with Sandy, and we decided to move after my son graduates....June something. My gosh this is hard.... As for my doctor, the one in Florida, I have had NO CONTACT whatsoever......I'm scared to tell him, scared to admit. I feel like a stupid, stupid, stupid man..... I feel useless, like I failed at the one thing I always admired myself for not doing. However, I also remember the patches which made me numb and I wanted that feeling again to forget.... Not only did I forget but I lost all hope, became more dependent on wanting to forget more than even paying bills, due to the fact Cathy wasn't helping.... Slowly, I pissed away savings.....by living off savings, by using, by spending, by simply being a functionless human being and damn it I"m sick of it. I NEED to have a change in location REALLY soon....I need away from this depressed area which I never knew was so drug laiden. I don't mean to say I cannot survive with knowing, I'm saying I also can NOT use, also can say I will never touch it again as I know the evil that exists. It is the same as my patches were except a faster high..... I know some of the people on here will down me so bad for airing my laundry here once more but I needed to tell the world unequivocally I am coming out of the closet and telling everyone that I HAD a problem and that I will never stoop to such a level as I felt. Trouble: I still feel like a piece of garbage, low life scum, low class, humiliated stupid human waste.... NAH, I'm not depressed, huh. Oh, I forgot one piece of information......when I said I had not seen my doctor, I meant on the phone, nothing.....Why you ask..... Well, I was dropped from the insurance my X had and it was supposed to be part of the settlement was for her to keep me on insurance. She changed jobs........ She works in Allentown now....she gets FREE medical ins for people. in the family whether X or not. I on the other hand tried to have my doc on the plan, I also tried to have my meds covered. All my meds for my psychological well being were curtailed due to the refills running out......it was then, I chose to be stupid. When in fact the COST if I'd thought of it would have been LESS to fly to florida, see the doctor, fly back, pay the 500 bucks a month in refill cost... ARGGG was I stupid. Now to piece the puzzle back together, I now have to work double time to correct the things I've done wrong. I need to sell this white elephant house, it is listed at 319K and I owe 232K and I'd sell it for a tad bit over what I owe. SOMEBODY has to see that there is a stone cold deal there! I just want OUT, to move back to my beloved county of Pinellas in Florida, namely St Pete, I have a job offer to run a dealership there, I have a super, super support system there, and my son wants to go to college there. The hardest part of this all will be hitting the Submit Reply button below.... bob Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Bob, Can't you move to Florida and rent the house or let Cathy pay for it? Do you have a job in PA? I am sorry things have spiraled so out of control. Can you go on disability for a short time? Obviously you need you meds to think clearly. Can you stay with your parents? Link to post Share on other sites
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