Bachelorette Party

[Osiris1234]

I think says it all.

So your girl is basically an impulsive idiot when she's drinking.

Why are you marrying her then?

Does that mean that she will never go out with her friends for drinks after you get married, because you don't trust her when she's drunk?

 

How old are you guys by the way??

 

 

No she isn't an impulsive idiot when she drinks. Hell ive never seen her drunk before because me and her always drink in moderation together. If she has done stupid things before when she was drunk (probably in the past which i never ask) then i dont know about it. I usually just look to the future and never ask about her past drinking habits. Im marrying her because she is my pride and joy and I love her with all my heart. I never said that, yes it may seem like im implying it. All im worried about is her crossing her boundries IF she does get drunk.

 

I am 26 and she is 25.

 

 

Maybe its just me, but all I can say to that is EEeeeewwwww!

I don't know what it is, but male strippers are kinda gross, their "dance" moves are cheesy, the whole greased up look is eeewww, and (again, maybe its just me), but I wouldn't have any desire to give a stripper head - no matter how drunk I am.

 

Maybe your right, maybe it is just you, but other people might not feel the same way. If you read some of those stories in that blog link I sent you, you will see what they are willing to do when they are drinking and have a stripper there.

 

I really am not trying to be the bad guy here, and yet everyone acts as though I am. Why can no one see my side of me worrying about it?

 

Maybe all of you are right, maybe i am over thinking it....=/

 

 

OP: did you, at any point, offer to join your fiancee in having bachelor/bachelorette festivities that did not include any kind of stripper? Did you, for example, explain that you just felt uncomfortable with strippers and sexual activities being involved in the parties, and suggest that you BOTH have some kind of fun spa or golf or bar-hopping experiences rather than drunk nights in private rooms with strippers? Or did you just paint a picture for her that while YOU were trustworthy with a stripper, SHE was not, and then insist she needed a babysitter?

 

Yeah I did, I told her if she wanted to do it together but she said she wanted it to just be her and her friends so she could have some girl time. I even told her about the stripper thing and she said that she didn't want one but that her friends will probably get her one anyway. She even asked me not to get a stripper and i told her that I didnt want one and that it wasnt gonna happen at all since me and my buddies are gonna go to Lake Havasu and spend the day on the water tubing and swimming and barbecuing,etc. I even asked her what her plans were but she said she had no idea and that her friends are all setting it up for her. So I have no idea what her plans are.

 

 

'm not saying that stuff never happens, but I think most of it is confined to fake/staged "reality" porn. I wonder if perhaps you've been looking at too many porn sites with compensated actors pretending to be strippers and party guests and confused that with reality.

 

No, I almost never look at porn (its boring). If you want here is a blog about a guy who does private stripping for a living that you can read. http://malestripping.blogspot.com/p/home.html

 

 

I can tell that much MUCH more women will and have given in to doing much more with a guy who is nowhere close to a stripper while completely sober....drunkeness just amplifies whats already there

 

My argument isnt really to support her having the bachelorette party... I really have no opinion of this one way or the other. What I'm trying to do is help you get your head in the right place right across the board by putting things into perspective.

 

 

 

If you dont trust her drunk I would turn my heels and run

 

 

I know and I really appreciate the help you and everyone else is giving me. Its like I said before, I just don't want her cheating on me before our wedding and that im afraid something might happen that I will never know about.

 

And Yes I probably am over reacting to it.....=/

 

I am gonna tell her that im sorry about me suggesting it and that she has a fun time with her friends and that I didn't mean to bring it up, and that I love her so much that i don't want anything to come between us

 

 

Update

 

She is planning to leave on Sunday and fly out to Vegas with her friends and won't be back till Tuesday. Man am I ever gonna have trouble sleeping!

[scaredandalone1223]

I may need to retract part of my previous comment. I thought you were being jealous and controlling. And while I still feel you may have some insecurity issues that need to be addressed before the wedding I believe the whole Vegas aspect puts a whole new spin on this thread.

 

You should still trust your finance. However I can say that there is no way my husband whether before or after the marriage would support me going to Vegas w/o him. I feel the same. He travels on business sometimes for 2 days up to going to Canada for 2 weeks at the beginning of the year. I do not usually go with him because of children being in school and no nearby relatives. If he was going to Vegas though I would be going! Although I'm sure he wouldn't do anything stupid there are some places you do not go out of respect and consideration. A bachlorette party with a few girls acting silly and having fun even if there is a stripper there is one thing. Flying to Vegas for 3 days is another!! 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' is its slogan for a reason!!

[Osiris1234]

Thats why I am so worried.....=/. Hell im typing this at 2 in the morning cause I can't sleep because of this whole perdicament.

 

I told her I was sorry about the whole babysitter thing and told her how i felt and what I was scared might happen. She hugged me and kissed me and told that I seriously have nothing to worry about and that she will tell her friends not to get a stripper cause she doesn't want one and wont get drunk while there.

 

I wanna believe her so bad but its just eating me up so bad.....

 

Also how is going to Vegas any different from doing here at home. She could easily cheat with another guy or stripper but it would be easier since she is far away.

 

Also she is actually only staying in vegas for 1 day. She leaves on Sunday at night (Around 9:30) then will leave on Tuesday morning (around 9:00 Am). if that makes any sense.

Edited September 3, 2011 by Osiris1234

[linwood]

She's going to Vegas for a stripper party with her girlfriends against your wishes.

 

That's a dealbreaker man, even if she dOesn't go now the fact that she would is a serious red flag.

[StoneCold]

errrr NO. Almost no woman would do that.

 

Girls do not think it's hot to give blowjobs to random guys. Girls do not give blowjobs to guys because they think it's sexy. Girls give blowjobs to the guy they love because they want him to feel good and get pleasure... and that guy would be you.

 

Seriously, most girls don't actually like giving blowjobs in a relationship to their partner. What makes you think girls would like giving a blowjob to some random creepy disgusting stripper?

 

Correction...girls give blow jobs to guys because they like them (or are enamoured with something about them) and they think it'll hook em....after the "love" has been established the blow jobs start to deminish ....ending in practically nothing once they "got you" ....i dont think "love" has anything to do with it.

 

But yeah....blow jobs to random guys.....it could happen but its not really popular behaviour.

[26pointblue]

I'm sorry but you sound really insecure & distrusting of her for no reason. :-( I feel bad for your fiance! She only drinks in moderation, you guys have known each other since you were little kids, she has never given you a reason not to trust her, drunk or sober, yet you still don't trust her! I wouldn't want to marry someone who couldn't trust me.

 

For the record my best friend had her bachelorette party in Vegas, we all flew in & met her there & rented a nice suite for her for 3 nights, no her fiance or his best friend/babysitter did not come along, it was just us & nothing untoward happened at all because she is in love with her husband! If you believe your fiance is in love with you then just trust her & let her have a fun bachelortte party already! My goodness. You are worrying yourself sick over nothing. I have been to plenty of bachelorette parties & no one wants to blow the male strippers! Your girl sounds classy & trustworthy, so trust her already!

 

FYI, my best friend's fiance rented us a cabana & paid up to a certain limit of drinks & food at the pool where she had a pool party in Vegas for her bachelortte party . . . now that rocked. He gave her a great bachelorette party including with alcohol because he totally trusted her! They have a great marriage now. I'm not saying you have to buy your fiance/her friends anything or put down a bunch of money for her bachelorette party but I feel you are looking at this all wrong . . . if you trust & love your fiance & know that she trusts & loves you, then you should want her to have a good time with her friends, maybe even think of what you can do to help make that happen . . . that is what secure people in trustworthy love do, not sit on the Internet reading blogs about worst-case scenarios from classless brides to be!

[26pointblue]

She's going to Vegas for a stripper party with her girlfriends against your wishes.

 

That's a dealbreaker man, even if she dOesn't go now the fact that she would is a serious red flag.

 

You are way too controlling. Let the girl do what she wants for her bachelerotte party! 'Against his wishes'? Where did he say he asked her not to go? And he shouldn't! She is completely trustworthy . . . He is the insecure one! And you sound from your post like you're insecure too.

[StoneCold]

I'm sorry but you sound really insecure & distrusting of her for no reason. :-( I feel bad for your fiance! She only drinks in moderation, you guys have known each other since you were little kids, she has never given you a reason not to trust her, drunk or sober, yet you still don't trust her! I wouldn't want to marry someone who couldn't trust me.

 

 

 

Well now you dont really know this.....

 

Maybe there really is nothing behind the OPs concerns and he just needs to chill out...who knows.... But from my experience when someone has burning concerns they are often for a good reason; which leads me to beleive there may be more to this story than the OP is saying...or maybe there are certain things he knows about her deep down but doesnt want to come to terms with......

 

Oh and OP.... even if you win this "argument" and she concedes. This is not at all to say that an "unofficial" bachelorette party wont go down....I've been to a few of these.

[linwood]

You are way too controlling. Let the girl do what she wants for her bachelerotte party! 'Against his wishes'? Where did he say he asked her not to go? And he shouldn't! She is completely trustworthy . . . He is the insecure one! And you sound from your post like you're insecure too.

 

Are you kidding me?

 

How old are you?

 

He said quite clearly he didn`t want her to go right here....

 

Well anyway I have talked to my finacee about this and she says that I have nothing to worry about (famous last words). Well I told her I wanted to let one of my good female friends go with her so she could look after her and make sure she didn't mess up while having her party. She said no and said that that was ridiculous and that I should trust her and that she doesn't need a babysitter. I told her I trust her completely but I just don't want the risk of it happening with alcohol and her friends. She freaked and told me that she isn't coming with her. I told her if she wont do this one little request of mine then I dont even want her having one. We got into a huge argument about it and she stormed out.

 

If my wife ever lost her mind and stated that she would be going whether I liked it or not as the OP`s fiancé has she`d find the locks changed and her belongings in storage when she returned.

 

There`s no way in hell my wife would ever even consider going to Vegas for a Bachelorette party.

 

Married people don`t do **** like this if they want to stay married.

[Osiris1234]

Well its over guys. There is not gonna be any wedding, there isn't gonna be a honey moon, there isn't gonna be a wife in the picture.

 

She called me at 3 in the morning on Monday telling me "Hey baby I wanted to call you and tell you how much I love you and I can't wait to see you when I get back". I thought OK? I went back to bed and then it dawned on me she must have done SOMETHING. No one calls at 3AM to tell you how much they love you.

 

Well she got back and I asked her what happened. She said what I meant by that. I told her about the 3AM phone call. She tried to deny it by saying she never did and I showed her the call. She tried to say she probably pocket dialed it but I played back everything she said. I told her no one calls at 3Am to tell you how much they love and miss you. She still tries to deny it over and over again. Eventually I pried it out of her and she confessed everything.

 

She said her and her friends had went to a club and her friends were buying her shots, then she was dancing with this one guy and she got caught up in the moment and started making out with him. She then started dancing with some more guys and that she started making out with them as well. Eventually they left the club and headed back to the hotel room where her friends got her a stripper. She said her friends got a few more shots in her and her friends kept egging her on and she got caught up in the moment again and decided to jerk off the stripper. She swares up and down it was only for a few seconds and that nothing else happened. She said after what had happened at the club and the hotel room she felt so guilty about what happened she called me up to tell me but couldn't bring herself to do it and instead told me she loved me.

 

After that she was sitting on the floor sobbing and begging and pleading for me to take her back saying she would do anything to get me back and would do everything in her power to make it up to me and that she would never do anything like this again, saying she will do things i have we have never done if i would take her back and not cancel the wedding.

 

I just walked up to her, grabbed her hand, took off the wedding ring and told her "Im keeping this for now". After that I packed up my bags and left. Right now I am staying at a friends house who knows all the details. She has called me about 200 times and has texted me 100 times.

 

At this point I dunno if I should break up with her or leave her. I always told her that any kind of cheating i would leave on the spot but at the same time i don't know if i wanna throw all this away after we have been together for a while now......

[Woggle]

This is why you should trust your instincts. You knew something was off and you were right. I think everybody in this thread who called you controlling and insecure should apologize.

 

If she does this now she will do this times ten after the marriage so be glad you dodged a bullet.

[rafallus]

Test failed. She shall not pass.

[TigerCub]

Wow, I'm really sorry OP.

I guess your fiancee turned out to be an impulsive idiot after all.

I'm just so surprised that her friends egged her on to do more, rather than actually stop her and snapping her out of it.

 

Its better you know all this now.

 

You say that you told her you're keeping the ring for now - so does that mean that you may actually consider taking her back and marrying her??

 

I'm sorry, but that would be a dumb move, if she showed you that she will cheat on you before marriage and you decide to take her back, you're just sending a message that its ok to play you and cheat on you, and you'll just take it.

 

Besides, would you be able to trust her, or will you live out your married life wondering when she'll cheat on you next.

 

I know that I was saying if you can have a party, so should she, and that if you don't trust her, then don't marry her.

She proved to you that she can't be trusted, and I'm sorry if it hurts, but at least now you know your answer, and honestly, better now than after marriage.

[StoneCold]

ok .. where are those posters who do not believe that this trip will ruin the OP

wedding. they do not believe that the trip will not be risky.

 

i call all of you who advised the OP to allow her fiance to go to the this kind of party.

 

I'm not sure if you are referring to me...I have said in this thread I really dont have an opinion of the bachelorette party one way or the other as if shes going to cheat shes going to cheat. My point was more about perspective than anything else

 

I did say its not likely that anything would happen with the stripper....but "not likely" doesnt mean "certainly" and I did acknowledge to degree of error..

 

I refer to my last post before the events transpired:

 

 

Well now you dont really know this.....

 

Maybe there really is nothing behind the OPs concerns and he just needs to chill out...who knows.... But from my experience when someone has burning concerns they are often for a good reason; which leads me to beleive there may be more to this story than the OP is saying...or maybe there are certain things he knows about her deep down but doesnt want to come to terms with......

 

Oh and OP.... even if you win this "argument" and she concedes. This is not at all to say that an "unofficial" bachelorette party wont go down....I've been to a few of these.

 

and this is the end, i am glad you left her. no wedding, tell her parents that

she is a skank, whore, bitch, slut. and ask them if they are also similar to her.

slut family.

 

 

Are you cracked?

[StoneCold]

No one calls at 3AM to tell you how much they love you.

......

 

Well some people do ...but apparently as it applies to your wife...she doesnt...

 

Good look on that...I can tell you from experience anytime you get a wierd call like that....that is somewhat out of character.....something is up. It soesnt necessarily mean they cheated...you could have totalled your bimmer (god I think that would be worse than a GF cheating....girls can easily be replaced at no cost)....but something is up

Edited September 7, 2011 by StoneCold

[xxoo]

Sending a chaperone with a full grown adult is ridiculous.

 

If she can not be trusted, then don't marry her. But a chaperone is not the answer.

[TigerCub]

Well some people do ...but apparently as it applies to your wife...she doesnt...

 

I agree.

When OP was first mentioning the call, I thought to myself "well, I can see myself doing that, after the party, thinking that I'm marrying this guy soon, missing him, being a little intoxicated and not caring about the time, I might be feeling a little mushy and call and tell him that I love him"

 

but then he went on to say the rest.

 

so yeah, some people do and its genuine, but some (like his gf) did it because she ****ed up.

[StoneCold]

Sending a chaperone with a full grown adult is ridiculous.

 

If she can not be trusted, then don't marry her. But a chaperone is not the answer.

 

Agreed...its just going to set you up for a financial rude awakening later down the line......after your married...which is why I said "financial" rude awakening

[Memphis Raines]

why do we need bachelorette party...

 

is this an obligation before married. hey guys, you know that the bachelorette

party is risky?

 

 

even if the bride or groom will not sleep or doing sexual stuff with the strippers, they already cheat as they come to a party and see the nudist opposite sex strippers.

 

why don't just a party with no strippers. only bride or groom with their friends.

 

I agree. if one feels the need for one last hurrah with the opposite sex, whether it involves cheating, or simply watching a stripper take off their clothes, then IMO, they don't need to get married.

[Memphis Raines]

Well some people do

 

only people that call at 3am to tell you they love you are ones doing it out of guilt for something they did or are doing.

 

or they do it in a pathetic attempt to head off suspicion.

[StoneCold]

only people that call at 3am to tell you they love you are ones doing it out of guilt for something they did or are doing.

 

or they do it in a pathetic attempt to head off suspicion.

 

 

Dude did you reading the rest of my post you partially quoted?

[Memphis Raines]

Dude did you reading the rest of my post you partially quoted?

 

why yes I did. but it doesn't matter. I don't think even "some" people call at 3am to say "i love you honey", unless they are up to something.

 

maybe a rare case of someone who thinks 3am calls are cute

[StoneCold]

why yes I did. but it doesn't matter. I don't think even "some" people call at 3am to say "i love you honey", unless they are up to something.

 

maybe a rare case of someone who thinks 3am calls are cute

 

Well Memphis I dont know... Tigerclub said she could see herself doing that.... I've gotten drunken calls from riled up friends at odd hours...and they are just friends...nothing to "cheat on"....

 

Rare?....well its not common...but it does happen with nothing but innocent intentions and that was my point. It all depends on knowing who your dealing with.

 

Anyways this si a moot argument because as I said earlier...clearly this doesnt apply to the OP's GF

Edited September 7, 2011 by StoneCold

[Chi townD]

Well, if it isn't a troll. Then all I have to say is that you're not getting the whole truth. Cheater will only tell you the bare minimum to make it sound not as bad as it really is.

 

She knew that you were upset. She KNEW that you didn't want her to have a stripper and she promised that she wasn't going to get drunk. She did the complete opposite of what you asked.

 

Count your blessings, I think you dodged a bullet on this one.

[Osiris1234]

Well i'm not taking her back and i have emailed and called all her folks and mine telling them what happened and why the wedding is off. I am taking back the ring and am going to take a nice looooooooong vacation.

 

 

Also comicbookguy if you seriously don't think that this doesnt happen. Go to this blog and read some of the stories about this private stripper, i guarantee you girls will indeed do that **** during their bachelorette party or any other kind of party. There is no way this guy could make up all this **** from just imagination.

 

 

http://malestripping.blogspot.com/p/home.html