I feel like crap

[Beachgirl8]

I'm throwing in my endorsement of the idea of attending a few church functions and socializing. I think that's a great idea.

[Els]

My problem with Church, is that I was basically forced to go at least every other Sunday from the day I was born till I was 25. And look at all the good it did me...

 

I have very little faith and pretty much blame God for all the things that happened in my life that I have no control over.

 

The only way I'd go back is if I met a Christian girl outside of Church, and she wanted me to go to service with her.

 

It depends on what sort of church you go to. If you go to a small community one that you haven't been to before, the people there will be all over you in welcoming you - chances are there'll even be girls asking you to join youth groups and such, too. It sounds quite mercenary, but it really works. I went to a church for one day when I first came to a new country, and was invited for lunch/activities by 4 different people without me even needing to approach anyone or start a conversation - which is more than I've ever been asked by my classmates in the span of months.

[somedude81]

Can you guys please stop talking about church, it is not an option.

 

As for where I'd find a Christian girl outside of church. Do I really need to answer that? It's not like they live in convents.

Ohhh dear.

 

I'm sorry this had to happen, SD, I really am. The writing was all over the wall though, illuminated with bright red neon.

Yeah it was obvious. And there were certain times where I thought it was over. I am surprised that it did last so long. Still it did hurt.

 

Later on, when you're feeling more calm and collected over it, you need to do some introspection into how YOU handle conflict and people being open with you. You have said that you'd be fine if she was perfectly honest with you, you just wanted openness - well guess what, you weren't fine. The text you sent her was no way, no how fine. This is probably the reaction she was fearing when she put this off for so long. She finally took the first step and mustered the courage to tell you what she had intended to all along, and you responded thusly. Of course you're not going to be getting any honest disclosure from now on.

Does this sound like being open with me?

 

After I asked her to talk in person...

“No, that’s not happening. My reasons are my own and any more is none of your business.”

The entire reason why I got mad at her was because she wouldn't be open!

 

What she did took no courage at all. Sending me that text and refusing to explain herself was the most cowardly thing she could do aside from just ignoring me.

 

I was mad at her when I sent her the text calling her an immature little girl. But I don't regret saying that at all. She has disrespected me many times over and that was just the last straw.

 

I hope she thought about it for a bit and understood what she did was cowardly.

 

Secondly, what on Earth actually made you think that your cleavage comment would be fine? I'm not saying this to mock you, I think you may find useful answers if you genuinely probe that question. If it was just a boo-boo, sure, we slip up all the time, but from the way you describe it, you did not even think it was wrong until she got mad at you, and don't really understand why she was upset about it.

From what she told me, she was embarrassed because the clerk, who was a man, was right there when I said the comment. My guess is, If I had said it when nobody else could hear, she would have been fine. We've joked about her breasts before and she's actually told me that it's hard to find shirts because she has large breasts. At least I learned that it's not something to talk about in mixed company.

[Floridaman]

Can you guys please stop talking about church, it is not an option.

 

As for where I'd find a Christian girl outside of church. Do I really need to answer that? It's not like they live in convents.

 

We're only recommending that venue bec. that's one way (a good way) of meeting dating partners.

 

Heard on the radio this a.m. about one church singles group that meets

@ 8 a.m. Sunday. Many in the group attend the 9:30 services.

That group meets for lunches after church and does community service projects like painting low-income houses.

So that kind of thing may be a way of getting with people.

 

TBH, though I attended several church singles groups, didn't participate in as many as I should have as like you, I was "disappointed" about not being married, etc., in my late 20s.

 

In grad school @28, went to one of the denomination's groups, ala Luthern Campus Ctr., but didn't meet anyone there to date.

 

Met that 30 y.o. virgin woman I dated for 6 mos. @26 at one of those church singles groups (Methodist, the biggest church in town).

Predictably, she broke us off, but kept myself out there socially to meet other women.

Dating her also made me more comfortable in dates. Plus, I got a lot of kissing out of that.

 

The key is to use those kinds of venues to get out and meet people. You won't come away disappointed.

Edited November 16, 2011 by Floridaman

[Beachgirl8]

Ok so.... church is out. Volunteering is out. Bars and clubs are out. Parties are out. Meetup groups are out. Sports are out.

 

That leaves school, work, and salsa class, unless I'm missing something.

 

Are there any people in those venues you might be able to cultivate friendships with?

 

Or, is there any other social setting not mentioned you think you would be interested in trying?

[somedude81]

Honestly, the last thing I want to do right now is meet new people and or go into new situations.

 

I'm really not in the right mental state now.

 

I'm just tired, depressed and angry.

 

I realize that now would be a great time to have friends that I can just have fun with. But things haven't turned out that way.

[Teknoe]

couple things here...

 

A. You really are SCARED of change. Just being honest here. The fact that you don't even want to consider church as an option when it's clear that girls will actually approach you there and that's WHAT YOU WANT, for girls to talk to you/for you to have practice interacting with girls... am I the only one who sees SD doesn't actually WANT what he CLAIMS TO WANT?

 

It's like claiming you want to be a Major League Baseball player but when a scout invites you to training camp you say "No, not an option"

 

SD, there's a bigger underlying reason here. You're just one big coward. Not being mean, but there's no way around that, and this is why this thread is 1,000 pages long with over a million replies and YOU STILL HAVE MADE NO PROGRESS.

 

 

B. She owes you SQUAT. I can't believe you think the fact that a man clerk being around the breasts comment made the crucial difference. Look, if no one was around, she would still be upset.

 

You have consistently displayed traits of insensitivity, selfishness and smothering tactics toward her during the course your relationship with her. The poor girl was backed into a corner and came to despise the fact that she ever opened up her world to you.

 

She doesn't you an explanation. And honestly, if you think about it, the reasons are obvious why -- like seriously, do you need an explanation? You weren't exactly Mr. Homecoming Prince of the Year with her.

 

 

C. You are a lone wolf who has rejected practically every healthy option of improving we'd given you. You really don't want help, nor do you want self-improvement. This whole thread has been one massive charade. I feel sorry for you. Strangers are here invested in you, caring for you to get better, but you just want to rot away in your safe but boring rut of a hermit lifestyle.

 

Good luck.

[Teknoe]

Since we're on the topic of church and God, I'm going to share this, because I think it fits in with what's being said in this thread lately. I don't know if SD will read it, but I hope that he does. Even if he doesn't, if it blesses someone else, that'll be more than I could have hoped for.

 

Two years ago I had two close female friends dump me. Sound familiar? It was like 30 year old SD and his 22 year old lady friend. I kid you not. I was 25 at the time, and she was an 18 year old puppy. I also leaned toward befriending younger women, because at 25 I was more like an 18 year old still in thought and life experience. I hadn't seen the world yet. My eyes were still shut... so it was hard for me to really connect with women my age.

 

Anyway, my friendship with this girl (we'll call her Linda) started out great. We talked for hours everyday (I assume I was closer to Linda than SD was ever to his lady friend), but eventually, I got too selfish, said some ridiculous things I shouldn't have said (very similar to the breasts comment) and she ended up texting me that it was over.

 

Sound familiar?

 

I have been in SD's shoes, and that's why I've been reaching out to him a lot. In a way, I feel like we're one and the same... only difference is I naturally am a positive happy go lucky guy, and I view life as the glass being half full while SD is the glass half empty (or all empty, more like it)

 

Anyway, the lady friend breaking it off with me hurt. I felt like how SD feels now. I wanted an explanation.

 

So one night I called her.

 

I still remember it.

 

March 26, 2009.

 

It was a 70 minute call of me trying to defend myself, trying to win her back and it was just miserable. When a girl makes up her mind that she no longer wants to associate with you, there's nothing you can do that would change her mind. NOTHING. Women are like a vault. It's hard to get in, and if you do, if you do ANYTHING to lose their trust, they kick you out of the vault and there's no going back in.

 

So I went through a couple months of depression.

 

Then an old Christian friend invited me to church.

 

I came, saw a super cute girl there and became infatuated with her.

 

But then the next week the pastor looked into my eyes in the middle of his sermon and he said the word "FORGIVENESS"

 

I dunno what happened but I started crying my eyes out. I felt the rush from head to toe... I knew it was God, and at that moment, I truly believed in Him.

 

Since, it's been a wild adventure. I've gone to Africa for a missions trip, and have met a lot of amazing, GOOD people.

 

Tonight in church I shared my testimony with the entire congregation (1,000+, I go to a bigger church). It was such a rush sharing with them where I was before I knew God, and where He's taken me after I've come to have a relationship with him.

 

After my share tonight, I had dozens of people approaching me and thanking me. I even got a woman's email address!

 

So SD, trust me, we're a lot alike.

 

I used to obsess over having a GF. After my ex broke up with me in 2004, I longed for a 2nd chance. I haven't had that 2nd chance yet, but I'm OK. Because I know God is good, He cares for me, and He will provide for me. In the meantime, He's given me my health and a whole host of friends and community support. I drove home tonight windows down, music blarring and never felt so alive in my life before. I was thanking God for this wonderful night driving all the way home.

 

I know church can do you a world of good. It did for me, and we're a lot alike.

 

You might be thinking "Yeah well you've been Christian for 2 years and still haven't had a 2nd GF... big deal"

 

Dude. Thanks to my walk with the Lord I realize there is more to life than filling up my "girlfriend vase." I appreciate every small blessing He gives me, like just waking up each morning having a brand new day.

 

March 2009 I felt like I was at rock bottom.

 

I went to church because I knew I had nothing to lose.

 

That decision has forever impacted and changed my life for the better.

 

Please, clear all your past and present biases... and just do it. Visit a service, sit in the back, or go to an activity night -- but just go. I've been healed, and so too can you.

[Floridaman]

Since we're on the topic of church and God, I'm going to share this, because I think it fits in with what's being said in this thread lately. I don't know if SD will read it, but I hope that he does. Even if he doesn't, if it blesses someone else, that'll be more than I could have hoped for.

 

...

I used to obsess over having a GF. After my ex broke up with me in 2004, I longed for a 2nd chance. I haven't had that 2nd chance yet, but I'm OK. Because I know God is good, He cares for me, and He will provide for me. In the meantime, He's given me my health and a whole host of friends and community support. I drove home tonight windows down, music blarring and never felt so alive in my life before. I was thanking God for this wonderful night driving all the way home.

 

I know church can do you a world of good. It did for me, and we're a lot alike.

....

Please, clear all your past and present biases... and just do it. Visit a service, sit in the back, or go to an activity night -- but just go. I've been healed, and so too can you.

That's a remarkable story, Teknoe. Am sure it may help others who were once like you in your struggles.

 

 

Mistakenly posted this response in another SomeDude thread, so putting it in this thread, where it fits better.

I'm not talking about meeting random women at bars and clubs and trying to hook up with them. But girls I already know that I may have interest in already.

 

I'm tired of spending time with girls where nothing ever happens. My guess is that with a couple of drinks girls would finally start seeing me more than just a buddy. And once we hooked up a relationship could happen.

 

Somebody else already said it. A relationship has a much better chance of happening from a drunken hookup then starting from a friendzone.

 

I would love to meet a new girl and have sex with her one to two months later without becoming her new girlfriend. And from what I've heard about, alcohol can lower a woman's inhibitions so she might give me a chance.

 

We sense your frustration, SomeDude.

NEWSFLASH!

 

I'm 30 years old and have never had a girlfriend!

We've all been there, though I know you've had it worse.

 

I had a big dry spell @29-30. Just a couple months after I turned 30, met a gal I got serious with in dating and everything (for once) began to click.

But that was after dating -- and trying to date -- many other women where it didn't always go so well.

 

Please listen to Tecknoe.

Read the threads he started.

As he posted, he was a lot like you in his late 20s and 30s.

What he posted may help you get into a relationship.

 

If that means you visiting religious singles groups (where women are), go do that kind of thing and meet more women.

[somedude81]

Damn, what a horrible week this has been.

 

I'm still upset about how things ended with her. Total lack of closure. I keep kicking myself for not insisting that we meet and talk as soon as I got that message or even calling her up. Text is too easy to communicate with but it's so impersonal. Never again am I going to have a serious conversation with somebody over text.

 

I also need to stop being so accepting of things I don't like because I want to save face. When I first got that message my reply was, "Thanks for being honest with me and telling me. Can I ask why you think this way." Suck a fu*king wussy response. I should have shown how I really felt. I really doubt that anything would have changed but I would feel better.

 

It really sucks that she's completely out of my life now and I can't talk to her at all. I liked her so much and now there is just a void where she was. It took me a very long time to find a girl that I meshed so well with, I don't know if I'll meet another. And then there is the fact that I never got to fully experience her. There was so much potential. But I never had a chance from the start.

 

I'm not going to say I regret staying friends with her for so long, because I really enjoyed her. If anything, I regret not being able to spend more time with her because she was always so busy. But still, I'm not going to do this again. No more friendships with women I'm interested in. The reason I was with her for long, was that I was hoping she might fall for me, something might happen or a miracle would occur. Of course nothing did. Next time a girl tells me she's not interested, I'm going to erase her from my life. No more hoping I can win her over or crap like that.

[Teknoe]

There was so much potential.

 

 

In your mind.

 

That's the key there.

 

In your mind

 

She basically told you in her termination of the friendship that she felt you guys didn't get along.

 

I think that says it all. It's hard to shift yourself out of that fantasy mindset -- I still struggle with this myself to this day.

 

The sooner you learn to live in reality, the better off you'll be.

 

I remember when I encouraged you to take her up on that family dinner invite, even if it was a "pity invite." You said NO WAY, and I remember your exact words "There'll be other opportunities"

 

I've long since realized from years ago how dangerous thinking "There'll be other opportunities" really is. Because sometimes, we don't know it, but THAT was our last opportunity, and if we don't seize it, we miss out on it.

 

I noticed it happening with you again later when you were trying to have "a big talk" with her... but you always said "Dang, I just couldn't find the right moment. Oh well, next time I hope..."

 

Again there was never a next time.

 

Let this be a lesson to you.

Seize the day.

Life is crazy and short. You might never get a 2nd chance at something.

 

And you really need to ask yourself and do some introspection. Why do I always think there will be another time? What are my fears? Are they holding me back from living the kind of life I want? What is the deeper underlying root issue here?

 

You have to wrestle with this if you wish to improve. if you ignore these issues and try to pretend like they don't exist, you'll likely continue being very miserable (and lonely)

Edited November 19, 2011 by Teknoe

[somedude81]

If that wasn't enough, I'm on the verge of being kicked out of college. It's kind of hard to do well in school when one is so depressed. I just can't focus on studying at all. I'm going to get an F on my math class and I can't drop it because I've already used up the maximum units I can drop. But I can redo it next semester for a better grade. I'm doing bad in another class as well, the professor is just terrible and the only way to do good is to really study, which I just haven't been able to do this semester.

 

What I really hate, is that my dance class, which was supposed to the one shining star, has turned into a black hole. The class turned out to be much smaller than I expected and there were only two to three girls I was considering as possibilities.

 

Which makes things really bad is the material. For only God knows why, the professor decided that the class would focus almost exclusively on West Coast Swing and Line Dancing. It's supposed to be an intermediate dance class that goes into more advanced moves from various social dances and Salsa. But he didn't cover any of those at all. I actually forgot a lot of moves when I should have learned new ones. It only took me two sessions of West Coast Swing to know that I don't like it, and he keeps going over it, again and again, so I just sit down or leave the room. The same thing with line dancing. If I knew the class was going to focus on those two, I would not have taken it. I only wanted to get better in the dances I already knew.

 

When I'm not enjoying the class, it's really hard to make myself look attractive to the girls in it. Girls want to be with guys who are having fun and I just don't in that class. So because I didn't like the particular dance, it's hard for me and the girl to enjoy each other. And of course there is no way a girl would accept a date with me in that situation. I just didn't have the chance to make myself look good.

 

There is one girl in that class who I was really considering but I know she's not available and so she just messes with my head with her playfulness. Last night she randomly started poking me, then poking my stomach and I'm thinking, "Your boyfriend is here, I just saw you kiss him 30 minutes ago, what the hell are you doing?" Thankfully the other guy she's all over started playing with her which got her away from me. It's obvious now that she's just a really playful and affectionate girl and none of it is serious. But it's sad that I never get that attention from anybody who's interested in me or available. In the three months, I've known her, she's been more playful and flirty with me than the other girl has ever been. Which does tell me that the other girl was really odd in certain areas.

 

Right now, I'm just happy video games exist. They are the one thing I can turn to keep me entertained and my mind occupied.

[Teknoe]

If that wasn't enough, I'm on the verge of being kicked out of college. It's kind of hard to do well in school when one is so depressed.

 

How do you, currently (as of today) feel about seeing a new therapist?

 

If that quote isn't saying to yourself "Crap, this is unhealthy, I need to seek professional help to try and get better" I don't know what bigger sign you are waiting for.

 

It's impossible to fix this on your own.

 

Why haven't you gotten around to seeing a new therapist? Honestly?

 

OK so no church, no speed dating, no bars, no clubs.

 

But what's wrong with seeking another therapist?

[Anela]

Honestly, the last thing I want to do right now is meet new people and or go into new situations.

 

I'm really not in the right mental state now.

 

I'm just tired, depressed and angry.

 

I realize that now would be a great time to have friends that I can just have fun with. But things haven't turned out that way.

 

I know what you mean. I actually met a few great people, when I was feeling sort of manic (up and down, feeling temporarily okay, and then sinking again, badly), but now I'm more down than up, and I still haven't really "let them in", even after over a year. I've been pushing people away with my attitude, because I've felt so low.

[Els]

Well, you deserve some time to grieve and get yourself into a good mood through whatever means available to you, so meh, if that has to be video games, so be it. I don't understand why some people demonize those.

 

Know that the longer you put off meeting people, the chances are statistically higher for you staying lonely for a long time though.

[Floridaman]

Damn, what a horrible week this has been.

 

I'm still upset about how things ended with her. Total lack of closure.

....

It really sucks that she's completely out of my life now and I can't talk to her at all. I liked her so much and now there is just a void where she was.

 

That's tough, SD.

 

Please look to women closer to your age.

 

You're not some oddball so they're not going to think you're different or anything, simply bec. you're not experienced at relationships.

Many women your age haven't had a lot of dating experience and may be looking for a guy like you.

It took me a very long time to find a girl that I meshed so well with, I don't know if I'll meet another. And then there is the fact that I never got to fully experience her. There was so much potential. But I never had a chance from the start.

There are other women out there. You just need to find the right one.

 

Apply some band-aids to your wounds, get yourself back on your feet and out there to meet them.

Edited November 19, 2011 by Floridaman

[Anela]

Well, you deserve some time to grieve and get yourself into a good mood through whatever means available to you, so meh, if that has to be video games, so be it. I don't understand why some people demonize those.

 

Know that the longer you put off meeting people, the chances are statistically higher for you staying lonely for a long time though.

 

Video games used to help me, too. If my computer didn't keep shutting down on me, I would have been losing myself in them for a while at times this year.

[somedude81]

I know what you mean. I actually met a few great people, when I was feeling sort of manic (up and down, feeling temporarily okay, and then sinking again, badly), but now I'm more down than up, and I still haven't really "let them in", even after over a year. I've been pushing people away with my attitude, because I've felt so low.

At least you've had people to push away.

 

I've never had that thing where people invite me out or try to get me to do stuff with them.

 

It's got to be a good feeling knowing that people are trying to reach out.

 

And no, people online don't count, sorry guys.

Well, you deserve some time to grieve and get yourself into a good mood through whatever means available to you, so meh, if that has to be video games, so be it. I don't understand why some people demonize those.

I went to campus today to work on a group project. And on my way back I had to pass by her dorm building and I suddenly got really mad. When I got home I just started to cry.

 

This is what I get for letting myself develop feelings for somebody. Of course it was my fault for sticking around a girl who wasn't available.

 

As for games, I'm loving Skyrim. Running on highest settings on my PC is great and I get to use PS3 controller. Plus I get the benefit of mods and being able to fix bugs.

Know that the longer you put off meeting people, the chances are statistically higher for you staying lonely for a long time though.

I really don't know if meeting people is my problem. Though maybe it's all a numbers game and I'm just not meeting enough women?

 

I really want to date a decent looking girl that either likes to game, watch anime, or do social dance. I keep putting myself in situations to meet those girls and for whatever reason, the ones I meet never like me. It just makes me feel hopeless.

That's tough, SD.

 

Please look to women closer to your age.

 

You're not some oddball so they're not going to think you're different or anything, simply bec. you're not experienced at relationships.

Many women your age haven't had a lot of dating experience and may be looking for a guy like you.

As I repeatedly said, it's hard to meet women my age. I just don't know where they are. College is full of younger girls, which I love, and everywhere else seems to be women 40+.

 

I'm going to disagree with you and say that there are not many my age who don't have a lot of dating experience. Most have either had a boyfriend for many years or had have a string of boyfriends. Women who have been single for a long time are very rare. And it's usually because they want to be single, or are too picky.

[Els]

I've never had that thing where people invite me out or try to get me to do stuff with them.

 

We'd tried to tell you that church is a surefire way to get free invitations without needing to stick your own neck out. It's your prerogative to refuse that, but I've personally not found any other place in which strangers try THAT hard to include you.

 

As for games, I'm loving Skyrim. Running on highest settings on my PC is great and I get to use PS3 controller. Plus I get the benefit of mods and being able to fix bugs.

 

Awesome. I envy you. Bf and I decided not to get it because it's crazy expensive in our currency.

 

I really don't know if meeting people is my problem. Though maybe it's all a numbers game and I'm just not meeting enough women?

 

I really want to date a decent looking girl that either likes to game, watch anime, or do social dance. I keep putting myself in situations to meet those girls and for whatever reason, the ones I meet never like me. It just makes me feel hopeless.

 

The majority of gamer couples I know met online. Some of them were lucky enough to have their partners live close by enough that they did not need to do LDR though. Anime... well, not sure you'd have that much luck where you live, TBH. I think this is another case in which what you want conflicts with what you are willing to do to get it.

 

As I repeatedly said, it's hard to meet women my age. I just don't know where they are. College is full of younger girls, which I love, and everywhere else seems to be women 40+.

 

Just curious, SD, what did you do before college?

[Anela]

Most of the time, I'm considered weird because of my shyness, or I say the wrong thing (thanks to shyness), and make things more awkward. It isn't easy, wondering how long they're actually going to like you once they really get to know you. I hate this anxiety disorder, I really do. And having my heart broken didn't help - by someone who claimed to love me, but then was amazed that I could have thought they might be *in love* with me.

[Anela]

A friend of mine, just over 40, has had her younger LDR move in with her this week. She's very happy, and they met through a game.

[Teknoe]

It's got to be a good feeling knowing that people are trying to reach out.

 

And no, people online don't count, sorry guys.

 

 

Let's be honest here and not pull any punches -- if you put half as much effort seeking people in real life as you do with your posting on LoveShack, odds are, things would be quite different for you.

 

You can't do nothing and expect people to go out of their way to magically find you and reach out to you. After all, it's hard to reach someone who's locked up in their room playing video games. And that sounds like what you plan on doing for a while.

 

 

As I repeatedly said, it's hard to meet women my age. I just don't know where they are.

 

1. Women population outnumbers the males

2. You live in Southern California

 

Add those two together and you have plenty of 30 year old women out there. You just don't know where they are?

 

CHURCH/SINGLES YOUNG ADULT GROUPS

 

Nope, not an option.

 

SPEED DATING.

 

Nope, not an option.

 

CLUBS/BARS/PARTIES.

 

Nope, not an option.

 

etc.

 

Ever stop to think how your close-mindedness is the reason behind your own lack of success?

 

And what about the therapist? Why do you keep avoiding this question? You have a habit of avoiding possible solutions, you like to park and focus on your problems. No wonder you're too paralyzed to do anything.

[Floridaman]

 

 

Originally Posted by Floridaman

That's tough, SD.

 

Please look to women closer to your age.

 

You're not some oddball so they're not going to think you're different or anything, simply bec. you're not experienced at relationships.

Many women your age haven't had a lot of dating experience and may be looking for a guy like you.

 

 

 

As I repeatedly said, it's hard to meet women my age. I just don't know where they are. College is full of younger girls, which I love, and everywhere else seems to be women 40+.

 

I'm going to disagree with you and say that there are not many my age who don't have a lot of dating experience. Most have either had a boyfriend for many years or had have a string of boyfriends. Women who have been single for a long time are very rare. And it's usually because they want to be single, or are too picky.

SD,

I said limited experience, as in not dating a lot or never-married.

 

A singles group, that's where I met that 30 y.o. virgin I dated for 6 mos. when I was 26, my first real adult relationship.

A professional woman (a teacher), she had dated of course but not much, hadn't been in any significant LTR and was waiting for the right guy.

Her virginity status wasn't well-known and was something she confided to me in our dating.

 

The woman I married (met her @30, she was mid-30s), she went on dates in her 20s but never found the right guy after an earlier engagement and like me, hadn't many LTRs.

 

Contrary to media images and the phony world of campus life, there are many adults who live responsibly and don't have sex with everyone they date.

They may do that for moral, logical and religious reasons.

Some may not have found the right person, so they haven't dated a lot.

You wouldn't be out of place in the 30-something adult world.

 

Many of those are the older adults returning to college for grad school and night classes. Check them out.

 

 

So those type of women are out there, you just need to know the right place to look.

 

SD,

You're an older single who's missed out on a lot. There's a lot of "catching up" to do, in terms of learning the ropes on dating and meeting women.

 

You've recieved a boatload of advice here. Please try to put some of that advice into action. It should help increase your success rate.

Edited November 20, 2011 by Floridaman

[somedude81]

We'd tried to tell you that church is a surefire way to get free invitations without needing to stick your own neck out. It's your prerogative to refuse that, but I've personally not found any other place in which strangers try THAT hard to include you.

I know what you're trying to say. But my issue is that when ever I wanted to hang out with somebody, I'm always the one who had to invite them and arrange everything. I shouldn't have to go to church to find somebody like that, besides it's not the like the people I hung out with met me at church...

 

It should be possible to make friends outside in the world, but it seems I have to do all the work and I've never been that outgoing.

 

 

Awesome. I envy you. Bf and I decided not to get it because it's crazy expensive in our currency.

Really? That sucks, it's a great game.

 

 

 

The majority of gamer couples I know met online. Some of them were lucky enough to have their partners live close by enough that they did not need to do LDR though. Anime... well, not sure you'd have that much luck where you live, TBH. I think this is another case in which what you want conflicts with what you are willing to do to get it.

How do you even meet people online?

 

I played WoW for about 4 years and never met anybody. Then again, I'm not too keen on a LDR. Maybe in the past, but I need something real now.

 

So far all the girls I met who game in real life have been taken or not interested. It sucks how they are in such high demand.

 

Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if I was a girl instead. Same hobbies and interests, same personality but with a female twist, same relative attractiveness. I'd probably be married with children.

 

Just curious, SD, what did you do before college?

Retail and temp jobs plus lots of video games.

A friend of mine, just over 40, has had her younger LDR move in with her this week. She's very happy, and they met through a game.

She sounds lucky.

SD,

I said limited experience, as in not dating a lot or never-married.

 

A singles group, that's where I met that 30 y.o. virgin I dated for 6 mos. when I was 26, my first real adult relationship.

A professional woman (a teacher), she had dated of course but not much, hadn't been in any significant LTR and was waiting for the right guy.

Her virginity status wasn't well-known and was something she confided to me in our dating.

 

The woman I married (met her @30, she was mid-30s), she went on dates in her 20s but never found the right guy after an earlier engagement and like me, hadn't many LTRs.

When I last went to a couple of singles groups at church, it was mainly people over 40.

 

Most young women, have no need to go to something like that.

 

Contrary to media images and the phony world of campus life, there are many adults who live responsibly and don't have sex with everyone they date.

 

They may do that for moral, logical and religious reasons.

Some may not have found the right person, so they haven't dated a lot.

You wouldn't be out of place in the 30-something adult world.

Those two statements have little connection.

 

I am absolutely out of place in the 30-something adult world. I have no relationship experience whatsoever. There are 16 year old boys who know more about women than I do.

 

Many of those are the older adults returning to college for grad school and night classes. Check them out.

Yeah, and there are 40+. College only has people 18-22 and 40+. I'm the oddball out.

SD,

You're an older single who's missed out on a lot. There's a lot of "catching up" to do, in terms of learning the ropes on dating and meeting women.

 

You've recieved a boatload of advice here. Please try to put some of that advice into action. It should help increase your success rate.

Yeah I did miss out on a lot. One thing I feel that I really missed out on is being able to date young women. They didn't want me when I was there age and they don't want me when I'm older. This crap is so messed up.

[Teknoe]

SD,

I'm bowing out. All my life I have struggled with this "savior" complex inside me, where I try to befriend hurting people (but it's unhealthy since it's not an actual mutual friendship of 50/50 give and take, but more akin to me taking on 'projects'), and help them get better. I know I have failed and once again done the ole circus act again. I actually know a whole bunch of people like you in real life (after all, I'm a young adults small group leader at my church) and so I reach out to a lot of hurting, damaged people. One thing I have to remind myself is that I'm responsible TO people, not FOR people.

 

For the past five months almost, it's been a habit to check this thread everyday, hoping to finally see some kind of breakthrough. It's time for me to bow out of this thing permanently.

 

As is with everyone, this is a battle that you will ultimately decide whether you win or lose at. Not I or anyone else on these boards can help you.

 

I sincerely hope one day you take the necessary steps to leading a healthier life.

 

Just remember, the issues we don't deal with today, will always come back to haunt us tomorrow.

 

Peace.