I feel like crap

[Beachgirl8]

Ok, I know you don't want to hear you did the right thing, but good for you for taking that action. Deleting her # and texts is at least a step in the right direction.

 

Im guessing you're pretty down in the dumps today and don't feel like thinking about what you want to do, but now is the perfect time to create a new action plan. Not wanting to volunteer is fine- it's just one example of a positive action you can take.

Do you have other things in mind instead?

 

Also the idea of making a list of things you want in a girl isn't a bad idea either. It may seem pointless, but it's a good exercise. Id like to hear what your current wish list is comprised of. I promise not to pick on you. But I will say that I made a list like that in college that my old roomate has in a notebook, and likes to pull out and make fun of what was on my list back then when I visit.

Anyway, try to cheer up, hugs from Florida, and hopefully the next chapter in your dating life will be more successful.

[Teknoe]

Ok, I know you don't want to hear you did the right thing, but good for you for taking that action. Deleting her # and texts is at least a step in the right direction.

 

Im guessing you're pretty down in the dumps today and don't feel like thinking about what you want to do, but now is the perfect time to create a new action plan. Not wanting to volunteer is fine- it's just one example of a positive action you can take.

Do you have other things in mind instead?

 

Also the idea of making a list of things you want in a girl isn't a bad idea either. It may seem pointless, but it's a good exercise. Id like to hear what your current wish list is comprised of. I promise not to pick on you. But I will say that I made a list like that in college that my old roomate has in a notebook, and likes to pull out and make fun of what was on my list back then when I visit.

Anyway, try to cheer up, hugs from Florida, and hopefully the next chapter in your dating life will be more successful.

 

 

Amen, amen and amen.

 

For what it's worth, and while it might not be much, know that we're rooting for ya, and IF WE COULD, we would definitely treat you out to dinner, kick back and just chill + looking forward to what the future may bring.

 

Actually, I wish that was possible. Would love to meet you, Beach, TMAN, UpDown, everyone who posted in this thread over dinner and we could just hang out, encourage each other, laugh and share stories of dating and the opposite sex.

 

Chin up, soldier.

[somedude81]

Im guessing you're pretty down in the dumps today and don't feel like thinking about what you want to do, but now is the perfect time to create a new action plan. Not wanting to volunteer is fine- it's just one example of a positive action you can take.

Do you have other things in mind instead?

Yes, I am pretty down in the dumps and very angry.

 

I don't want to think about anything related to women for a while. The only thing I want to do is stuff that turns my brain off so I can just zone out. Video games are pretty good for that, but I can't play for too long.

 

I just can't believe I'm at this place now. I knew it was coming, but I was really hoping that something would happen.

 

Life sucks, then you die.

[Dust]

Yes, I am pretty down in the dumps and very angry.

 

I don't want to think about anything related to women for a while. The only thing I want to do is stuff that turns my brain off so I can just zone out. Video games are pretty good for that, but I can't play for too long.

 

I just can't believe I'm at this place now. I knew it was coming, but I was really hoping that something would happen.

 

Life sucks, then you die.

 

You hear that beachgirl lives in Florida and sent you hugs. Maybe we can talk her into getting naked when you come and visit.

[Teknoe]

Yes, I am pretty down in the dumps and very angry.

 

I don't want to think about anything related to women for a while. The only thing I want to do is stuff that turns my brain off so I can just zone out. Video games are pretty good for that, but I can't play for too long.

 

I just can't believe I'm at this place now. I knew it was coming, but I was really hoping that something would happen.

 

Life sucks, then you die.

 

 

Trick in life isn't the problems. We all have them. The trick is how you RESPOND when trouble arises.

 

Most guys make the fatal mistake of going in the extreme direction of becoming absolutely emotionless to the opposite sex, which is unhealthy because you're denying and suppressing feelings that will eventually find a way to burst out.

 

This is a good time to slow down, find out who "somedude81" exactly is, and seeking therapy with an open mind isn't a bad idea, either.

 

The key is to do these things now. Don't wait, because if you do, you'll just get caught up again in your comfortable rut that will lead you nowhere.

 

So, hop to making these changes.

Just take it 1 small step at a time. Before you know it, you'll be in a better place. But you gotta take action.

 

Not a time to play games and watch movies until your eyes bleed.

 

It's a time to be movin' ahead.

[DenumChkn]

I've felt how you feel before, as if a woman could not or would not possibly ever care about me. Eventually I stopped caring so much and I finally met a girl, fell in love with her and then got dumped after 6 months. She wasn't the first girl I'd been with but she was the first one I felt genuinely cared about me and made me feel like "this is it, I'm finally in a real relationship". I can tell you now almost 3 months removed from her breaking up with me that the pain I'm in now is probably equal to or greater than your own. It is not worth it for me to be investing this much energy and emotion into a girl who no longer gives a hoot about me (have not spoken since one week after she dumped me, texted her once a month ago but she didn't respond. I can assure you the pain of thinking about her ignoring me is 5x what i experienced when I was trying to date and a new girl I met ignored me). So using that for comparison, you can NOT allow yourself to be this invested into girls that you have not even kissed or had any sort of intimate relations with. I used to do the same thing, and it never got me anywhere. Girls smell desperation.

 

Until you can learn to talk to a girl you may have an interest in as if you are indifferent to the outcome of your relationship with her and simply having a conversation, you will continue this vicious cycle. Eventually, you may very well legitimately become indifferent to their feelings towards you, but until that happens: Fake it til' you make it.

 

I wish you the best, but man you have got to calm down and focus on yourself and stop over analyzing the things other people say and do. You can not control the way other people feel about you, but you can control how YOU feel about you. I say this as someone who currently feels like **** about himself . I really recommend exercise of any kind too - I know it has been recommended but I will continue to support those recommendations. After I was dumped I started running and doing pushups/situps nearly everyday and it was helping me a lot with keeping my self esteem and confidence up. I have since fallen out of routine and have noticed the correlating impact it has had on my self image.

 

If you simply 'give up' and lock yourself in your room to play video games forever then every negative thing you have said about yourself in this thread will be true. But that would be the easy way out, wouldn't it? So bear the **** down and take control of your life back. The world is a large place and there is much more to it than sex and relationships. Volunteer, teach people to read, feed a homeless person, get into an argument with that evangelical with the bull horn on the corner, go to a rap concert even though you hate rap, get yourself out of your comfort zone and experience life. As ****ty as it looks to both you and I right now, it can be a wonderful thing and how some floozie feels about us has no bearing on what we make of it.

 

Best of luck.

Edited November 10, 2011 by DenumChkn

[Cracker Jack]

^Very nice posts above.

[somedude81]

I've felt how you feel before, as if a woman could not or would not possibly ever care about me. Eventually I stopped caring so much and I finally met a girl, fell in love with her and then got dumped after 6 months.

How did you stop caring and do you think that's part of the reason that you got with her?

 

 

 

 

 

She wasn't the first girl I'd been with but she was the first one I felt genuinely cared about me and made me feel like "this is it, I'm finally in a real relationship". I can tell you now almost 3 months removed from her breaking up with me that the pain I'm in now is probably equal to or greater than your own.

That may be so, but so far I've not been with a woman who liked me as anything more than a friend.

 

Still I'm sure it really sucks losing somebody you actually felt there was something there with them.

 

 

 

It is not worth it for me to be investing this much energy and emotion into a girl who no longer gives a hoot about me (have not spoken since one week after she dumped me, texted her once a month ago but she didn't respond. I can assure you the pain of thinking about her ignoring me is 5x what i experienced when I was trying to date and a new girl I met ignored me)

Of course it hurts a lot more getting ignored by somebody you care about than somebody you don't.

 

So using that for comparison, you can NOT allow yourself to be this invested into girls that you have not even kissed or had any sort of intimate relations with. I used to do the same thing, and it never got me anywhere. Girls smell desperation.

The investment doesn't seem like something I can control. I just get attached to women who give me more than normal attention.

 

I'm basically a dog who's only been fed scraps that is desperately holding on to a bone.

 

I've never had an intimate relationship with a woman so it's not really possible for me to wait till I get one to let myself feel for a girl.

 

Until you can learn to talk to a girl you may have an interest in as if you are indifferent to the outcome of your relationship with her and simply having a conversation, you will continue this vicious cycle.

And how am I supposed to learn to do that?

Eventually, you may very well legitimately become indifferent to their feelings towards you, but until that happens: Fake it til' you make it.

How do you fake it? What should I do?

 

I wish you the best, but man you have got to calm down and focus on yourself and stop over analyzing the things other people say and do. You can not control the way other people feel about you, but you can control how YOU feel about you. I say this as someone who currently feels like **** about himself .

It's really hard not care about how what people, meaning girls I like, say and do. To me, getting a GF is the most important thing in my life. There is nothing I want more. It just doesn't seem possible to not care.

 

If you simply 'give up' and lock yourself in your room to play video games forever then every negative thing you have said about yourself in this thread will be true. But that would be the easy way out, wouldn't it?

It's only for a few days as I need time to clear my head and let the pain fade.

The world is a large place and there is much more to it than sex and relationships.

Yeah and I've only experienced things that aren't sex and relationships. I'm sick and tired of trying to think of and do other things to keep me occupied because I can't get what I really want.

[Teknoe]

It's only for a few days as I need time to clear my head and let the pain fade.

 

Just a word of warning from personal experience. I too had said this "blanket statement" before... and a few days turned into a few years. It's crazy how habits are hard to die/kill.... so be careful.

 

 

How do you fake it? What should I do?

 

Another reason why you need real life male friends. They can not only tell you in person, but more importantly SHOW YOU HOW. And then they can support you in person or over the phone. You need to start building up your real life interaction with human beings. All this stuff you share on LoveShack, find some safe, healthy friends to share this stuff with. It will liberate and stretch you... grow you in a way that posting on the internet never will do for you.

 

 

The investment doesn't seem like something I can control. I just get attached to women who give me more than normal attention.

 

I'm basically a dog who's only been fed scraps that is desperately holding on to a bone.

 

It's really hard not care about how what people, meaning girls I like, say and do. To me, getting a GF is the most important thing in my life. There is nothing I want more. It just doesn't seem possible to not care.

 

 

These statements, particularly the 2nd paragraph in the quote there, are sad and totally unhealthy.

 

Again, it's time to seek another therapist. You are not a dog but your mind has convinced itself to believe that you are. Let me ask you this, you were once asked "Would you make a good catch for some girl as her boyfriend" and you responded "Damn right I am." Yet it's clear your mindset is not in a healthy state to be dating ANYONE. Who wants to be the girlfriend of a guy who thinks he's a dog and unworthy of affection and love?

 

These are all trademarks of a person who needs to exercise some humility and seek professional help.

 

Until you do so, you're not going to get better.

 

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MAGICALLY GET BETTER BY YOURSELF.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FIGURE THIS OUT ON YOUR OWN.

ISOLATION DESTROYS.

YOU NEED TO WORK THROUGH THESE ISSUES WITH A LICENSED PRO.

FIND PROFESSIONAL HELP ASAP, PLEASE.

[Floridaman]

I've felt how you feel before, as if a woman could not or would not possibly ever care about me. Eventually I stopped caring so much and I finally met a girl, fell in love with her and then got dumped after 6 months. She wasn't the first girl I'd been with but she was the first one I felt genuinely cared about me and made me feel like "this is it, I'm finally in a real relationship".

 

I can tell you now almost 3 months removed from her breaking up with me that the pain I'm in now is probably equal to or greater than your own.

 

It is not worth it for me to be investing this much energy and emotion into a girl who no longer gives a hoot about me (have not spoken since one week after she dumped me, texted her once a month ago but she didn't respond.

 

I can assure you the pain of thinking about her ignoring me is 5x what i experienced when I was trying to date and a new girl I met ignored me). So using that for comparison, you can NOT allow yourself to be this invested into girls that you have not even kissed or had any sort of intimate relations with. I used to do the same thing, and it never got me anywhere. Girls smell desperation.

 

Until you can learn to talk to a girl you may have an interest in as if you are indifferent to the outcome of your relationship with her and simply having a conversation, you will continue this vicious cycle. Eventually, you may very well legitimately become indifferent to their feelings towards you, but until that happens: Fake it til' you make it.

 

DenumChkn,

Very well-stated.

I considered myself a "dating loser" who did date, but flopped during college and beyond. Had my first real relationship @26 with a 30 y.o. I dated for 6 mos.

She brought up us "getting engaged" and there I go, getting all my hopes up.

Made all the mistakes "newbies" like I was, made, built my world around her, became needy and clingy.

Then she dumps me and it devastated me.

 

One thing that horrible experience did do -- where I let myself become too vulnerable with a woman -- it "toughened" me.

Learned to "keep my guard" up better in future relationships so while I would be dissapointed when the inevitible breakup occured, didn't let it destroy my life and allow rivers of tears to flow.....

 

Yes, SomeDude, I felt alone during my 20s....

What is wrong with me?

Why do women seem repelled by me?

They only want to be my "friend?" I cried to my mother....

 

Right after I woke up I deleted her number and all of our text conversations from my phone. After yesterday I realized that with her, it's either my girlfriend or nothing. I can't accept her just as a friend and that's all she wants. It's becoming way too hard for me.

 

I knew I was an idiot for continuing to try. It's part of the reason for my self hatred. Just a fool in love.

You weren't wrong to try. That's what guys do.

 

Know you don't want to hear it, but I applaud you for deleting her number and all.

Just drop out of her life. Her loss.

 

 

Please, SomeDude, read the Non-Chalance and No-Contact threads.

They can help keep you strong in relations with women BEFORE, during and after dating them.

 

Here's a good place to start:

http://tinyurl.com/7plgqxy

 

Nonchalance is your friend" explains the benefits of playing it cool, not acting like this other person you're dating --

OR WANT TO DATE -- is "the one," acting like you can live without them.

http://tinyurl.com/7hteyvt

 

It's a big long thread, but when I read it, I saw myself in many of the posts there.

Am sure you will see yourself and your actions towards women.

Edited November 11, 2011 by Floridaman

[somedude81]

I have no issue going no contact. That's why I deleted her from my phone. And knowing her, I don't she'll ever contact me, she's too passive.

 

I read the first post of the nonchalance thread and I don't see myself as being at all codependent. I have never smothered anybody, frankly, I was never give the chance to.

 

Though I will admit that I am quick to anger.

 

Also I completely see myself as a victim in what has happened in my life. There is no other explanation. Sure I've made some poor choices, but it would have been nice if fate threw me a bone every now and again. But no, nothing good every happens to me, only stuff that's barely passable.

No, now I just don’t care … well, more importantly, that’s how I act. Not caring deflects the strikes that once would have felled me. And the miraculous thing is, being unfazed by these little ‘tests’ raises one’s attraction level immensely—and instantaneously. I never apologise now, nor do I ever feel bad. And I never beg for mercy or acceptance. Instead, I’m nonchalant, and it shows. I’m cocky, I’m funny, I’m not bothered by threats or outbursts, and I feel no need to seek approval nor to retaliate. And it’s making her melt.

Though this is something I can work on, just pretend not to care about what women do to me.

 

Now lets just see how long it takes for me to get close enough to another woman to try this on.

[Floridaman]

I have no issue going no contact. That's why I deleted her from my phone. And knowing her, I don't she'll ever contact me, she's too passive.

 

I read the first post of the nonchalance thread and I don't see myself as being at all codependent. I have never smothered anybody, frankly, I was never give the chance to.

 

Though I will admit that I am quick to anger.

Acting non-chalant isn't only about not acting codependent or needy, it's "guarding" and protecting yourself from harm women can inflict in guys like us.

 

That NEAR-fiance I dated. She one day told me other guys were "expressing interest" and maybe "we should take a break..."

That floored me.

"Oh, really?" Of course, protested and tried to talk her out of it when I should have said, "Okay. That's fine. I understand" and just got up and walked away.

My actions didn't make me look good and could have turned it around had I been stronger.

 

Just like in the situation of you and the girl you want to date checking out hats in the mall kiosk and you asking her what she thought of your looks.

 

Though we all sympathize and wish it'd worked out for you, that girl didn't "owe" you anything. She wasn't feeling the same things you were.

 

If you'd been non-chalant, you wouldn't have let her ambivalence get to you.

You could have walked away with your feelings intact and been glad you at least were bold enough to approach her.

"There will be others. No biggie..."

 

Acting more nonchalant in that situation, where you're interacting early on with these women, wouldn't have left a wound inside you and you'd feel more at ease moving on.

The more lines you castd into the water, the more likely you'll catch a fish...

 

 

I'm no expert on non-chalance as I don't date, but reading that revealed a wealth of info. I knew nothing about and realize I could have done far better had I acted less "invested" in the women I dated.

Please read further into it.

I know this can help guys like you not get your hopes too high with the women you approach.

Edited November 11, 2011 by Floridaman

[Beachgirl8]

Hey SD, what are the plans for this weekend? Are you getting out at all?

[somedude81]

Acting non-chalant isn't only about not acting codependent or needy, it's "guarding" and protecting yourself from harm women can inflict in guys like us.

 

That NEAR-fiance I dated. She one day told me other guys were "expressing interest" and maybe "we should take a break..."

That floored me.

"Oh, really?" Of course, protested and tried to talk her out of it when I should have said, "Okay. That's fine. I understand" and just got up and walked away.

My actions didn't make me look good and could have turned it around had I been stronger.

 

Just like in the situation of you and the girl you want to date checking out hats in the mall kiosk and you asking her what she thought of your looks.

 

Though we all sympathize and wish it'd worked out for you, that girl didn't "owe" you anything. She wasn't feeling the same things you were.

 

If you'd been non-chalant, you wouldn't have let her ambivalence get to you.

You could have walked away with your feelings intact and been glad you at least were bold enough to approach her.

"There will be others. No biggie..."

 

Acting more nonchalant in that situation, where you're interacting early on with these women, wouldn't have left a wound inside you and you'd feel more at ease moving on.

The more lines you castd into the water, the more likely you'll catch a fish...

 

 

I'm no expert on non-chalance as I don't date, but reading that revealed a wealth of info. I knew nothing about and realize I could have done far better had I acted less "invested" in the women I dated.

Please read further into it.

I know this can help guys like you not get your hopes too high with the women you approach.

Walking away is so much easier when you have options. But I've never had options. I've only ever had one girl at a time that I could spend time with.

 

Now I'm down to nothing.

 

I don't know how I could not care about the next woman I'm able to spend time with.

Hey SD, what are the plans for this weekend? Are you getting out at all?

Other than work tomorrow, and homework I have no plans for the weekend or the rest of the year.

[Beachgirl8]

Ok then... I checked San Diego activities on Meetup.com on Sunday and there is a TON of stuff, from lake walks to beginner bike ride group to introduction to beekeeping (lol)

 

Will you consider attending something? Not in the interest of picking up chicks, but just to be social, take your mind off of your troubles for a few hours, and potentially make some new friends?

[Floridaman]

Walking away is so much easier when you have options. But I've never had options. I've only ever had one girl at a time that I could spend time with.

 

Now I'm down to nothing.

You did everything right. Most of us don't have numerous girls or "other options" and like you, focus on one at a time.

So one turns us down? We just move onto the next.

We don't let it ruin our weekend.

 

Gotta have patience with this, SomeDude.

 

I don't know how I could not care about the next woman I'm able to spend time with.

 

Using non-chalance to protect yourself in dating doesn't mean you "don't care."

It means in the initial stages of your approaches and dating,

-you keep a stiff upper lip,

-appear outwardly confident of your life,

-comfortable with who you are

-and comfortable with circumstances, your life and others' lives (including her ambivalence).

 

You don't let things said by the woman you're dating (or trying to date) rattle you.

Just take it in stride if she says she's "not interested in dating (you)...." I know that hurts, SomeDude, and recall hearing that line myself.

 

 

On Nonchalance and No-Contact, please do yourself a favor by reading that material.

Can't remember where I read it (prob. in ENA poster DramaLama's NC/Nonchalance thread), but a woman posted about this guy "friend" who was a good "ear" listening to her problems with dating.

He got tired of that and told her he wasn't interested in "only being her friend" and "from now on, things would be different," so he went into NC with her.

Can't recall how he did it, but his withdrawing from her turned her into a GF, fiance' and wife.

 

It's the push-pull theory that nonchalance thread goes into.

If a woman senses her guy is withdrawing, she may panic and think things are going wrong, so draws closer to him.

It doesn't help if a guy's "always around" his girl, to where she takes him for granted and looks to other guys.

Women tend to desire what they don't have, so don't always be "so reliable...."

 

 

*** Would link to some LS threads on those topics, but I can't find any LS "stickies" on the topics, plus LS threads close to new posts prematurely at 60 days. The other forum's threads don't lock-up too soon.

[PlumPrincess]

Walking away is so much easier when you have options. But I've never had options. I've only ever had one girl at a time that I could spend time with.

Are you not the guy who complains all the time that women have too high standards regarding men and that they are too superficial? What about you and this girl? Was it the one who was overweight and had darker skin?

[Teknoe]

I read the first post of the nonchalance thread and I don't see myself as being at all codependent. I have never smothered anybody

 

Are you sure about that? Let's see the following example

 

 

I sent her a few texts apologizing but she didn't respond. And then I told her that we have to talk and that I don't like having negativity between us. She replied, that we can talk in a couple of days since she has a lot going on. Not really what I expected but still better than nothing.

 

You display signs of a smothering person. The reason are simple, and why when you denied not being codependent shows everyone that you really don't have a grasp on reality.

 

1. You make life all about having a girlfriend. That is codependency.

 

2. You have no friends, so IF you ever get a GF, she will be your sole focus. That is codependency.

 

3. With this lady friend you texted her multiple times before she would respond back to you. You force the issue upon her about having a conversation about negativity rather than waiting for her -- this is codependency.

 

It's obvious you are a codependent person, based on the simple facts that your mind is focused on:

 

1). Getting a girlfriend

2). Getting a girlfriend

3). Getting a girlfriend

 

You can deny that you're not codependent all you want, but it's easy to see that you have displayed traits of a codependent, and if you were to ever get in a relationship, odds are high that you would smother the poor girl to death, always looking for her affirmation and approval.

 

This is why we're telling you there's more to life than having a girlfriend.

[somedude81]

Ok then... I checked San Diego activities on Meetup.com on Sunday and there is a TON of stuff, from lake walks to beginner bike ride group to introduction to beekeeping (lol)

 

Will you consider attending something? Not in the interest of picking up chicks, but just to be social, take your mind off of your troubles for a few hours, and potentially make some new friends?

Thanks for the ideas. I'll check on meetup when I have more time.

You did everything right. Most of us don't have numerous girls or "other options" and like you, focus on one at a time.

So one turns us down? We just move onto the next.

We don't let it ruin our weekend.

Did you just contradict yourself?

 

I don't have a next one to move onto. And I probably won't meet her till next year.

 

Gotta have patience with this, SomeDude.

Patience, that's all I've had for these years.

Using non-chalance to protect yourself in dating doesn't mean you "don't care."

It means in the initial stages of your approaches and dating,

-you keep a stiff upper lip,

-appear outwardly confident of your life,

-comfortable with who you are

-and comfortable with circumstances, your life and others' lives (including her ambivalence).

 

You don't let things said by the woman you're dating (or trying to date) rattle you.

Just take it in stride if she says she's "not interested in dating (you)...." I know that hurts, SomeDude, and recall hearing that line myself.

 

 

On Nonchalance and No-Contact, please do yourself a favor by reading that material.

The whole nonchalant thing is very hard when I like somebody. If I don't have feelings for somebody then I don't care if she rejects me or ignores me etc.

 

But that's totally different when I really like a girl. I've been after the girl in this thread for almost two years so there was no way I could be indifferent about her.

 

Can't remember where I read it (prob. in ENA poster DramaLama's NC/Nonchalance thread), but a woman posted about this guy "friend" who was a good "ear" listening to her problems with dating.

He got tired of that and told her he wasn't interested in "only being her friend" and "from now on, things would be different," so he went into NC with her.

Can't recall how he did it, but his withdrawing from her turned her into a GF, fiance' and wife.

 

It's the push-pull theory that nonchalance thread goes into.

If a woman senses her guy is withdrawing, she may panic and think things are going wrong, so draws closer to him.

It doesn't help if a guy's "always around" his girl, to where she takes him for granted and looks to other guys.

Women tend to desire what they don't have, so don't always be "so reliable...."

I've heard of push-pull. It's never worked for me. When I go non-contact with a girl, that's it. I never hear from her again.

Are you not the guy who complains all the time that women have too high standards regarding men and that they are too superficial?

Yup that's me.

 

Story of my life

What about you and this girl? Was it the one who was overweight and had darker skin?

You mean the only woman I've ever "dated", who is also the only woman I've ever kissed, who I knew seven years ago?

 

What about her?

[PlumPrincess]

 

You mean the only woman I've ever "dated", who is also the only woman I've ever kissed, who I knew seven years ago?

 

What about her?

Didn't you refuse to date her? There you had a woman who was interested in you and you rejected her, because she didn't meet your standards.

[Teknoe]

Dodged replying to my reply. As expected. I hope though that deep down you are re-evaluating everything about yourself and life in general.

 

You admitted in this thread that you don't know how to read women. I have a hard time believing you know how to read your own self, and I think that's the root of the problem here. You are not rooted in reality, but instead you're rooted in the twisted reality your mind has tricked itself to believe in.

[somedude81]

Didn't you refuse to date her? There you had a woman who was interested in you and you rejected her, because she didn't meet your standards.

As I said in my previous post, I didn't refuse to date her, I did date her, and she is the only woman I've had something resembling a relationship with. And that only lasted two weeks then she dumped me.

 

I've only rejected one woman in my entire life. I was 18 she was 25. She wasn't cute at all, was obese and in the few conversations we had, she told me things about her that just freaked me out. For one, it's not really a good idea to tell a guy that you barely knew that you had an abortion and that you're on anti-depressants and have been suicidal. Just saying...

[PlumPrincess]

As I said in my previous post, I didn't refuse to date her, I did date her, and she is the only woman I've had something resembling a relationship with. And that only lasted two weeks then she dumped me.

 

I've only rejected one woman in my entire life. I was 18 she was 25. She wasn't cute at all, was obese and in the few conversations we had, she told me things about her that just freaked me out. For one, it's not really a good idea to tell a guy that you barely knew that you had an abortion and that you're on anti-depressants and have been suicidal. Just saying...

Ok, tell me, are you going to the gym? Have you noticed any improvement in your physique?

[Floridaman]

 

I've only rejected one woman in my entire life. I was 18 she was 25. She wasn't cute at all, was obese and in the few conversations we had, she told me things about her that just freaked me out. For one, it's not really a good idea to tell a guy that you barely knew that you had an abortion and that you're on anti-depressants and have been suicidal. Just saying...

Sounds like you made the right call there, SD.

If she felt the need to divulge such info., much better to release that kind of stuff later in the relationship, when the two become more emotionally close.

A guy needs to know what he's buyin', after all. Just not at the start.

 

Originally Posted by Floridaman

Most of us don't have numerous girls or "other options" and like you, focus on one at a time.

So one turns us down? We just move onto the next.

We don't let it ruin our weekend.

 

Did you just contradict yourself?

 

I don't have a next one to move onto. And I probably won't meet her till next year.

SD,

Are you freakin' out of your mind?

Of course, I didin't have another girl "lined up" and "waiting in the wings."

 

Meant you need to move on to another girl, whoever and wherever that may be.

Just understand the woman not showing you interest means it's time to get a move on...

Don't let that rejection rattle you and keep you from asking out other girls.

 

For ideas on women to date, make a list of eligible women you know. Write the pro's and con's of each and see if you could approach any.

If not, look into the techniques I've posted about on how to meet and approach new women.

 

Gotta have patience with this, SomeDude.

 

Patience, that's all I've had for these years.

I was "patient" until my late 20s.... when I started dating in earnest.

It takes time to find the right one, or even one willing to go out with you.

Speakin' from experience here, SD...

 

The whole nonchalant thing is very hard when I like somebody. If I don't have feelings for somebody then I don't care if she rejects me or ignores me etc.

 

But that's totally different when I really like a girl. I've been after the girl in this thread for almost two years so there was no way I could be indifferent about her.

Of course, you'll have feelings for her.

You're attracted to the woman. That's why you're trying to get her to go out with you.

 

The key is not to go overboard with your attraction and act nervous and like she's the only one...

It's your public face you put out there.

Leave some mystery and let the girl wonder if you're interested.

 

Ask her out that first meeting, but remain cool, confident and act like you're comfortable with your life and others' lives.

I've heard of push-pull. It's never worked for me. When I go non-contact with a girl, that's it. I never hear from her again.

Non-chalance is to make you look and act stronger.

Women aren't attracted to unconfident, weak, needy and clingy guys.

 

TBH, I never employed these NC and nonchalance strategies, and knew nothing about them when I dated.

Reading about them now, I realize I allowed a lot of things to happen to me (women taking advantage of my emotions) and see how I might have snagged more women had I acted more confident.

 

Confidence, it seems, is a good synonym for non-chalance.

[Teknoe]

Going back to the 1st post in this thread back on July 29, 2011...

 

 

[thread title: I feel like crap] and I'm so tired of it. I'm sure everybody is sick of hearing me complain too.

 

What's really messed up, is that it would be so easy to make me happy and feel that life is worth living. But I feel as if it's not up to me and I'm at the mercy of whatever woman I happen to fancy at the time. Right now I feel like garbage because the current girl has ignored the two texts I sent her today about trying to make plans for next week.

 

 

I don't think this can or should be ignored.

 

What SD81 said there says it all about him. He have no goals/ambition in life other than filling up his "imaginary girlfriend vase." No desire for friendships, no desire for a cause or ideal... just floating around thinking getting a girlfriend will somehow magically make life worth living.

 

Time for him to get a grip on reality as it really is -- not HIS version of reality, which is really off-kilter. It's sad checking in this thread day after day, week after week, month after month, and see the same sorry excuses over and over again. He seems caught up on taking the wrong kinds of actions while avoiding all the potentially right ones. No wonder he hasn't made any real progress since he posted this thread nearly four months ago.

 

Until he seeks out help from a professional, or real life friends, he's bound to always be caught up in the same old rut. Can't do this alone, man. You just can't.