Bf's trip and lack of contact are starting to get to me

[Star Gazer]

Since we're sharing theories...

 

I believe you concocted the breakup story to garner sympathy and paint him the villain so that you may move forward into new dating situations with little criticism.

You already were indicating interest in new men (hot chocolate man, OKC guy.). You suffered some backlash from posters here.

By painting your ex out to be a monster, you are by default, the victim.

It's a bit transparent IMHO.

 

This, EXACTLY. Exxxxxxactly.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Since we're sharing theories...

 

I believe you concocted the breakup story to garner sympathy and paint him the villain so that you may move forward into new dating situations with little criticism.

You already were indicating interest in new men (hot chocolate man, OKC guy.). You suffered some backlash from posters here.

By painting your ex out to be a monster, you are by default, the victim.

It's a bit transparent IMHO.

 

Eh you got it all wrong. OKC guy was NOT a romantic interest. We had 2 dates almost a year ago and I rejected him because I wasn't physically attracted. He had cool personality and we stayed in touch. He has since moved but was in my city that week and thought it would nice to catch up. I never have and never will want to be with him in a romantic sense.

 

 

I flushed hot chocolate guy's number down the toilet within hours of getting it.

 

I am taking a complete break from dating. I AM NOT MOVING INTO NEW DATING SITUATIONS AND DON"T PLAN TO IN THE NEAR FUTURE. Your "criticism" hypotheses doesn't make any sense.

[torn_curtain]

Personally I don't think the OP is being dishonest. Of course you never know 100 with somebody online but I like to assume that someone is being honest unless they give me reason to believe otherwise--like serious inconsistencies in their stories.

[Star Gazer]

Personally I don't think the OP is being dishonest. Of course you never know 100 with somebody online but I like to assume that someone is being honest unless they give me reason to believe otherwise--like serious inconsistencies in their stories.

 

But that's pretty much what people are seeing, just in a different way.

 

Why are you so protective of ES, if you just joined?

[torn_curtain]

But that's pretty much what people are seeing, just in a different way.

 

Why are you so protective of ES, if you just joined?

 

How am I being protective? I am appalled by some of the behavior in this thread after somebody is going through a major breakup. It seems like dancing on the skeleton's grave.

[Ruby Slippers]

I say the details seem to be far fetched. Your pictures kind of make me think the base of your stories MAY be real. Anywho, what does it matter ?

Just want to point out that it's possible ES is not who she says she is.

 

That guy who impersonated a 20-something woman had tons of pictures of some woman. It's very easy to gather these pictures from someone's public flickr account, facebook, whatever. You could construct an entire life history from some people's photo accounts.

[Star Gazer]

How am I being protective? I am appalled by some of the behavior in this thread after somebody is going through a major breakup. It seems like dancing on the skeleton's grave.

 

Why do you believe the story is real, when the rest of us (sans TBF, for some other reason) do not?

[eerie_reverie]

Well people that have me on FB can vouch this relationship existed for 5 months and now it doesn't anymore. I have tons of pictures from when we were together.

 

To be honest - how he went about ending it and later retracted sounds very far fetched - I don't blame people thinking that I made that up. Unfortunately for me, it is what happened.

 

This is the last I am going to say about making stuff up......

 

I can vouch that ES is not making this up.

[torn_curtain]

Why do you believe the story is real, when the rest of us (sans TBF, for some other reason) do not?

 

Because I generally assume whatever I read online is real unless there is some good evidence to doubt it? I mean what's the point in responding to these threads if you take the attitude that anything could be false.

[eerie_reverie]

I am her friend on FB and this relationship was documented with hundreds of photos.

[Star Gazer]

I can vouch that ES is not making this up.

 

I don't doubt he exists, or that there was a relationship.

 

But can you vouch for every detail of their relationship, including how he allegedly ended the relationship EXACTLY as she said? Nope, that's impossible.

[Star Gazer]

Because I generally assume whatever I read online is real unless there is some good evidence to doubt it? I mean what's the point in responding to these threads if you take the attitude that anything could be false.

 

This is the only thread about the breakup. As I said, I don't doubt that she was in a relationship with this guy, and that they had their troubles throughout. What I doubt is what happened at the end. I am pretty sure it is EXACTLY as Dorie described.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Just want to point out that it's possible ES is not who she says she is.

 

That guy who impersonated a 20-something woman had tons of pictures of some woman. It's very easy to gather these pictures from someone's public flickr account, facebook, whatever. You could construct an entire life history from some people's photo accounts.

 

Sigh, I can assure you that I am who I say am.

[Eternal Sunshine]

This is the only thread about the breakup. As I said, I don't doubt that she was in a relationship with this guy, and that they had their troubles throughout. What I doubt is what happened at the end. I am pretty sure it is EXACTLY as Dorie described.

 

I explained why she is wrong but you never responded to that

[A O]

I don't doubt he exists, or that there was a relationship. But can you vouch for every detail of their relationship, including how he allegedly ended the relationship EXACTLY as she said? Nope, that's impossible.

It's irrelevant whether certain details or even the whole premise are real or not.

 

The core theme/thrust/issue remains the same. That hasn't changed in many, many moons. And it's a fairly typical situation out in the real world to boot. Dealing with this in the right manner is really what it is all about.

 

 

.

[NoReallyThatHappened]

Having enough of these super weird and out there break up experiences myself, I have no reason to doubt it's real. Most people end up with a jaw on the floor by the time I'm done describing why I got divorced because that kind of crap doesn't normally happen in real life. Neither does this, but it doesn't mean that it's not real.

[EricaH329]

ES, why are you defending yourself? Who cares if some people don't believe you, it's irrelevant to the main issue at hand.

 

By the way, i'm VERY sorry for what has happened to you. No matter what issues you may have, no one deserves that type of treatment.

[MarlyStar]

In my confusion, I went back to read more about how this relationship has progressed month to month by reading ES's past threads... so let's have a review!

 

Thread titles by ES in bold. ES's words in quotes.

 

3/12/11 Met this guy…but he tried to pick up my friend first

Calls him “terribly picky and judgmental”

“He is definitely not a player”

He cancelled a date because of his sore throat.

3/17 He asked ES to be his GF

 

3/18/11 Sense of stability vs sense of instability

Claims her “sense of stability” with new BF

 

3/23/11 Being cautious

No sex yet with BF

 

4/9/11 Is this proof that he is not all in??

Talks about his upcoming trip to Europe. Asked about them each having a “hall pass”

 

4/12/11 OMFG he thinks I said “I Love You”

 

4/21/11 I initiate seeing each other most of the time

Mentions she usually plans the dates out in advance, but “other than that, he initiates most of the contact”

 

4/23/11 boring nights w/ BF… normal?

“This has always been my problem”

 

5/3/11 This is kind of bothering me… seriously L

“I can tell that he is a good guy. His character and integrity are rock solid.”

 

5/22/11 What is the best strategy when your partner is being distant in a relationship?

“My boyfriend has a tendency to pull back a bit and be distant every now and again.”

 

5/29/11 Contact frequency in a relationship

“He has a pattern of being hot/cold...and that's a problem for me. (he also admitted to hot/cold thing so I am not just imagining it).

In our long talk, he told me few of the things that bother him (that I never called and that I never invited him to my place).”

 

6/6 Nearly 4 months update

After talking, he now contacts ES “every hour”

Spent night for first time at ES’s place now

ES finally has initiated one phone call

 

6/19 He LOVES me!

 

6/25 He lied to me

 

What's missing is supposedly 2 months after the beginning of the relationship, what would have been 5/22, supposedly ES found out that her BF wanted to take a break, and through purloined emails given to her by another friend found out he was trying to date another woman.

 

And yet---no thread on this. No mention of it on the 4 month update. Now that's there's a break up, suddenly it's a factor.

 

Another thing that bothers me is that ES is very happy to announce that she's crazy and mixed up and worse--but people who are truly crazy and mixed up or worse NEVER (in my experience) ever recognize that they are crazy.

 

These threads are just exactly the kind of threads you would expect to see from someone with borderline personality disorder/histrionic personality disorder.

 

I can't believe I spent my whole day reading this (altho I have the excuse of being home sick).

 

Did anyone else have the thought that maybe ES is actually the one doing this stuff to the BF and the girl in Europe is really the hot cholocate/military guy, and she's just flipped roles because she's fantasizing he's doing what she did...and OMG I sound as crazy as her.

 

I suppose they could both be borderline personality disordered?

 

Reading this thread makes me embarassed to post my mundane boring very dull little concern that originally brought me here this morning.

[MarlyStar]

Having enough of these super weird and out there break up experiences myself, I have no reason to doubt it's real. Most people end up with a jaw on the floor by the time I'm done describing why I got divorced because that kind of crap doesn't normally happen in real life. Neither does this, but it doesn't mean that it's not real.

 

I've had a couple situations like that myself. My 'feeder' guy being one.

 

The thing that supports the theory that some revisionist history set up is being established is that a person who chronicals every hiccough and blip and heart beat and pulse of a relationship somehow left out her discovery in early May, two months into the relationship that he was lying about wanting to take a break and was actively trying to pursue other women.

 

Of course, I might have missed it, some of the threads were really long and I skimmed them at the end. But I don't think she mentioned it before this thread, And that's out of character for her.

 

If I'm wrong and she did, I apologize. But if this is the first we heard of it, I have to believe that THAT incident is made up; and if that incident is made up why wouldn't the infamous breakup email from Eastern Europe also be made up.

 

She did write that it was important to her that her friends didn't abandon her over her initiating the break up; they would now see him as the bad guy, so the break up email from him would be important. I have to admit when I've been brokenhearted, I never worried about whether my friends would see me as the bad guy or him. But I'm not everyone and of course she's different.

 

Just trying to figure out something that really makes no sense.

[torn_curtain]

The thing that supports the theory that some revisionist history set up is being established is that a person who chronicals every hiccough and blip and heart beat and pulse of a relationship somehow left out her discovery in early May, two months into the relationship that he was lying about wanting to take a break and was actively trying to pursue other women.

 

 

As I recall she didn't find out about this until much later through the friend but before the ultimate break up.

[zengirl]

FTR, I believe ES is both a real person and is mostly telling the truth. I believe she is sometimes an unreliable narrator (well, we all are, but I think perhaps ES has less perspective than average when she's dating someone, because it's a weak spot in her life, as she's said several times).

 

I believe there are likely details missing (some ES might know but not realize matter/want to put out there -- as that's a pattern with her too -- and some she doesn't even know) that help bring things even further together, and I think I've heard some good theories on that (as usual, Mme. Chaucer had some interesting analysis that rung true to me), though it's hard to really say.

 

What I'd find interesting is what ES's friends think about the whole thing. If I had such an experience, I would certainly ask our mutual friends for their perspective. I don't think she should ask them straight-away but perhaps after she's had a bit of time for perspective. I think it's likely a very complex and deeply toxic dynamic on both sides. Though ES seems to be acting for her own health at the moment, which is excellent. Ignore the **** out of him. This dynamic has nowhere good to go.

 

I am taking a complete break from dating. I AM NOT MOVING INTO NEW DATING SITUATIONS AND DON"T PLAN TO IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

 

Either which way, this is a good idea. You need a decent-sized break.

[Star Gazer]

I am taking a complete break from dating. I AM NOT MOVING INTO NEW DATING SITUATIONS AND DON"T PLAN TO IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

 

Good!!

[Eternal Sunshine]

FYI I did have a thread on when he asked for a break but I got bashed by so many people that I started reporting them. Eventually, mods deleted that thread. I didn't find out about the text/email until over a month later.

[Eternal Sunshine]

P.S. I am done and out of this thread. Having people tell me now that this is not real and I don't really exist is beyond me. RubySlippers even went as far as to suggest that this is the same as some guy in the news that pretended to be a woman and even had pictures of that woman.

 

Final note to Ruby: not only are you way off here, but I have read you more recent posts. You used to be a poster that I enjoyed reading and were generally logical and interesting. In the recent months, you have turned so bitter that it seeped into your advice. I can only imagine that it seeped into the way you act towards men in real life too. Bitterness and desperation are never attractive hon.

[Star Gazer]

FYI I did have a thread on when he asked for a break but I got bashed by so many people that I started reporting them. Eventually, mods deleted that thread. I didn't find out about the text/email until over a month later.

 

Several of your threads about this guy have been deleted.