Surfer203 Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Happy to read what I just did. Keep the positivity going! You are going to have a great life regardless of the past. Keep in touch my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Thanks Andy and updown (good to hear from you!).. I'm going to make a concerted effort to improve my health and hopefully it'll help my attitude and how I feel about myself as a person. Sooooooo... this thread needs to die. Alot of GREAT advice but a lot of negativity and embarrassing things I've said. Goodbye to this thread.. if I feel the need I'll create a happy, positive thread dedicated to MOVING FORWARD and improving my life. way to go mm!!! don't knock yourself for anything you wrote here, it's all part of the process of starting a new life! you are on the way!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 MM4: I'm glad to hear you're on the up-turn, my man!!! Hey, don't be a stranger. You've got my cell # and we're FB friends. So if you need me, feel free to reach out; I remain here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 MM4: I have followed your thread from the start, and have learned a great deal from your open honesty. Thank you so much for your contributions to LS. Best Wishes! Yas Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Bye thread I'll PM u my new cell # and you can add me on FB too, if you like. Congrats on funding your centerdness Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 awe, I <3 you guys! Thanks again for all your excellent advice (even if I didn't adhere to it) and caring. Thank God I found this place. Link to post Share on other sites
maybealone Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 mm4, I haven't replied to your thread since I'm kind of new here, but I have been rooting for you! I am so happy to see that you seem to be settling into a much better place. I think your son is lucky to have such a great dad, and that you are a good man with a good future ahead of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Shane Jimison Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 You need to respect her every relation in society whether it was earlier based on truth or lies. Link to post Share on other sites
NeverSettle Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 One of my favorite threads here. Really liked the way it started especially. Stole my handle from the hero here and looking forward to ^^^^^shane's post getting deleted. Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 MM4, All the best mate. Ur thread (and others) definately helped me see what I could not at the time. Your support was extremely valuable to me. We are Dads, nuthin changes the value of that in your childs life. All the best. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 mm4, Best of luck! Stay focused on what really matters and let the rest go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 mm4, Best of luck! Stay focused on what really matters and let the rest go. thanks! you the man! this thread needs to die haha.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 This crazy thread, all the crap my ex wife put me through.. I just have to laugh. Still single, still trying to dig out of the financial devastation this has caused nearly 3yrs to the day she set me up and left. But, I'm alive, employed and have a wonderful 6yr old son who is the world to me. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 You made it out the other side, bro. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
WreckedDan Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 I've just read this thread in it's entirety, WHAT FLIPPED THE SWITCH?? Some of us are still hurting and would love some feed back on wjat helped you make the change from hell to not hell... Dan Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted May 24, 2013 Author Share Posted May 24, 2013 (edited) Wow Dan... all 76 pages? I just reread the first 25 or so and cringed at a lot of the stupid **** I said. I was in real bad shape for sure. Am I ok now? Ummm.. not really. I'm alone a lot and feel pretty disengaged from the world. Having performance issues at my job and am still in a lot of debt. I guess I have hope.. but not like I used to. My son is incredible. He's 6 now, and he just finished his first season of soccer. I was his head coach and it was a great time. He is absolutely obsessed with the game as am I. I plan on coaching his team in fall. Anyway, to answer your question.. a switch didn't flip. I'm still upset that this all happened, but it slowly gets better. I'm embarrassed to say but I still care for my ex. She married the other guy last December in Vegas. They have a 1yr old daughter. It hurt me very badly. It's 100% out of my control. She emails me a lot to "co parent". We sometimes share things about our son but it feels really phoney to me and I don't like that. I have forgiven her but I will never forget, nor will anyone who is close to me. That's really all there is right now. I really hope I meet a nice woman who cares for me and I can love back. Until then I'll keep trying to improve me. Best of luck to you man.. don't give up. Edited May 24, 2013 by marqueemoon4 4 Link to post Share on other sites
WreckedDan Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 Saying you forgive her is huge from what I've read. If you happen across my thread 13 years gone... 1 month in I would love to hear your take on my situation... Thanks MM4, Dan Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 wow...haven't been back here in a while, but it popped back up in an email notification. Glad to hear you're doing well MM4. Funny how the heart heals, yes? Funny how things work out as well...she certainly took you through the wringer. Sorry about the work and debt thing. I certainly understand that as well. I got laid off last August and had been struggling to make child support and mortgage payments as it was. Within 2 weeks I had 2 job offers making more than I had been making at my last job and the job I took is amazing. Challenging, GREAT group of people and room for growth. I would have never left my last job if they hadn't let me go... The debt, can't really complain. Had to come off my debt management plan (had reduced my debt from $40k to $10k in the 2 years before my separation), and, with child support and divorce fees, it's cut into my getting out of debt, but I've managed to not make more. I'm down to about $6k now and managing to keep up with payments, thanks to my new job. Plus, I got my tandem rating last summer (after I got laid off), so now I'm getting paid to take students skydiving, so that helps. Hitting a big turning point myself. Not quite 3 years since I thought everything was ruined, thought I had lost my wife, kids, house, future that I had always envisioned, etc. Lowest point of my life. Took a good 6-8 months to even begin thinking about recovering, moving on, looking for good things to happen again. Since then, things have only gotten better. My ex is onto her 4th bf, I've met him a few times. After the first one, I no longer feel any animosity toward any of her SOs. It's funny when you let go. Took me a long time to get to that point with her, seeing her almost every day to get/drop off the kids, but, we can now have conversations, are co-coaches on our sons soccer team and I even went over to her place for dinner before soccer the other night because it just made more sense than trying to run the kids out somewhere to eat. I still care for her, but I know she hasn't changed (even though she says she has) and I won't ever put myself (or my kids) in the position to be hurt like that again. I dated a bit, spent a year dating a much younger woman, which was fun, but not emotional at all. I've been with a woman for the last 6 months who is fabulous. Our personalities connect, we can talk about anything and laugh a lot. I've already told her that I don't ever see myself getting married again and don't ever see myself living with someone else again and she's fine with that. She has her own friends and her own life and doesn't mind if I go off doing the things that I love to do. Still early, but, as long as we set our expectations of each other and are completely honest, things could work out for us. The best thing about the entire situation is that my relationship with my kids is better than ever. We talk about everything and the time I have with them is focused entirely on them. On top of that, I have time to do all the hobbies that I love and quickly rebuilt the friendships that I had with the different groups of people. I'm having more fun and am more fulfilled at this point in my life than I ever have been. Anyway, just wanted to throw in my input here and say, it does get better. The hurt does go away. Life does go on. It is what you make it. Remember these bad days, it will make the good ones to come that much more valuable. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 (edited) So good to hear from you DM.. and so great to hear you are you are in a better place! It's interesting, all the friends I've made from this site have met someone else that they are much happier with than their ex, and I couldn't be happier for all of you (you know who you are). Unfortunately I haven't gotten there yet.. but I hope it happens for me as well. I absolutely CANNOT believe I still let my ex get the best of me sometimes, unfortunately it still happens though. I can only surmise this is because: 1. I'm still morally opposed to divorce when there are children involved, except in extreme situations 2. Because I'm adopted and what I wanted more than anything in life was my own family 3. For some God unknown reason I still find my ex physically attractive (sometimes) 4. How it all ended so horribly, against my will, how stupidly I reacted, and how used and betrayed I feel because of her adultery, dishonesty and selfishness. 5. The fact my son CONSTANTLY tells me he misses me all the time and wants to live with me. 6. That I absolutely loathe the guy she is with now, and I hate that he has any influence over my son at all. 7. My quality of life has diminished significantly 8. Loneliness and a string of 8-10 women I've "dated" that have gone nowhere. So my exes new husband is in the Naval Reserve.. and has been gone 5 of the 6 months since they got married in Vega$ (lol) in December. This is this dudes 3rd marriage btw, and he's in his late 30s. He got back today, and when I picked up my son from her today, I saw she had written on the back window of her SUV: DADDY IS HOME FROM AFGHANISTAN I'm not gonna lie, that annoyed me. Sorry if I'm being vindictive, but I really, really hope the whole thing fails miserably. There is a lot more to the story as well.. he made false accusations against me trying to get fired from my job (we're both cleared govt contractors who support the same agency). They were all unfounded. He was saying negative things about me to my son (told him I was "fat"). I brought this to her attention politely and she denied it and did nothing. I was so incensed I threatened to report his documented adultery to the Navy Inspector. The next day he filed an order of protection against me, naming himself, my ex, MY SON, and their daughter (who was conceived the month our divorce was final, July '11, classy). I had my son that weekend, and the police showed up, served me the order, then proceeded to take my son away. My son was scared and pleaded for me to make the police go away. Apparently they were in my neighborhood waiting, and the cops handed him to them. Then they had the nerve to explain to him that they were coming with them so he could go to a going away party for this guy, since he was about to be deployed. He then a week later lied numerous times in court, and wow.. he was an even bigger tool then I could've ever imagined (first time I had really even seen the guy) So yea, I feel a bit of resentment towards this "man". Really what I struggle with the most is getting to a level of indifference with her... I either feel pure animosity for her or have delusions that somehow winning her back someday would magically fix everything. It's a real problem. Edited June 1, 2013 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 mm4, I know how you feel, vacillating between animosity and dreams of resolution. It took me a long time to get past that. I think the things that helped me move on most were: 1) one of the first things I did was come up with a list of things that always bothered me about her. Fundamental differences and issues that made our relationship get to the point it was when she decided it wasn't worth working on anymore. 2) watching her trying to find happiness with different people and realizing that she needs to find it in herself. More than anything, that made me realize that I had to do the same thing. I knew I couldn't be happy with another person until I started following my own course, doing the things I loved doing and finding what it really is that makes ME happy. Once I got to that point, it helped with everything, my relationship with my kids, myself and with other people (women and just friends). I still find her physically attractive. I still like lots of things about her, actually had dinner with her and the kids tonight before going to coach soccer together, but, I also know that she IS the same person. We DON'T work together and, if the circumstances were the same, she would have no problem ****ing me over again, tearing our relationship apart and hurting our kids because she didn't want to work on things anymore...I won't ever put myself there again. I told myself long ago that my kids and I are worth more than that...she's not worth it...neither is your ex...she's not worth the time you spend thinking about her. As far as her new guy she's with, she's his problem now. She'll eventually tire of that and give him the same treatment she gave you. And, where your son is concerned, you will ALWAYS be his father and the main influence in his life. Hurts to hear about the new guy and it sucks to know how much time he gets, but, he can't ever get close to the bond you and your son share. Focus on the time you DO get, not the time you don't get. I know, these are just words. Doesn't make it any easier. Believe me, I understand. It does get better. You will heal. You just have to figure out what you can do for YOU and make yourself happy. No one else will do that for you... Good luck, blue skies... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 mm4, I know how you feel, vacillating between animosity and dreams of resolution. It took me a long time to get past that. I think the things that helped me move on most were: 1) one of the first things I did was come up with a list of things that always bothered me about her. Fundamental differences and issues that made our relationship get to the point it was when she decided it wasn't worth working on anymore. 2) watching her trying to find happiness with different people and realizing that she needs to find it in herself. More than anything, that made me realize that I had to do the same thing. I knew I couldn't be happy with another person until I started following my own course, doing the things I loved doing and finding what it really is that makes ME happy. Once I got to that point, it helped with everything, my relationship with my kids, myself and with other people (women and just friends). I still find her physically attractive. I still like lots of things about her, actually had dinner with her and the kids tonight before going to coach soccer together, but, I also know that she IS the same person. We DON'T work together and, if the circumstances were the same, she would have no problem ****ing me over again, tearing our relationship apart and hurting our kids because she didn't want to work on things anymore...I won't ever put myself there again. I told myself long ago that my kids and I are worth more than that...she's not worth it...neither is your ex...she's not worth the time you spend thinking about her. As far as her new guy she's with, she's his problem now. She'll eventually tire of that and give him the same treatment she gave you. And, where your son is concerned, you will ALWAYS be his father and the main influence in his life. Hurts to hear about the new guy and it sucks to know how much time he gets, but, he can't ever get close to the bond you and your son share. Focus on the time you DO get, not the time you don't get. I know, these are just words. Doesn't make it any easier. Believe me, I understand. It does get better. You will heal. You just have to figure out what you can do for YOU and make yourself happy. No one else will do that for you... Good luck, blue skies... thanks for posting this...it validates they way i feel..and that i'm going in the right direction too hope a few others read this too SS x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 So good to hear from you DM.. and so great to hear you are you are in a better place! It's interesting, all the friends I've made from this site have met someone else that they are much happier with than their ex, and I couldn't be happier for all of you (you know who you are). *cough**cough* Unfortunately I haven't gotten there yet.. but I hope it happens for me as well. I absolutely CANNOT believe I still let my ex get the best of me sometimes, unfortunately it still happens though. I can only surmise this is because: 1. I'm still morally opposed to divorce when there are children involved, except in extreme situations Totally 110% agree. She's been so immature about the whole thing. The next day he filed an order of protection against me, naming himself, my ex, MY SON, and their daughter (who was conceived the month our divorce was final, July '11, classy). I had my son that weekend, and the police showed up, served me the order, then proceeded to take my son away. My son was scared and pleaded for me to make the police go away. Apparently they were in my neighborhood waiting, and the cops handed him to them. :sick::sick::sick::mad::mad::mad: mm4, 1) one of the first things I did was come up with a list of things that always bothered me about her. Fundamental differences and issues that made our relationship get to the point it was when she decided it wasn't worth working on anymore. 2) watching her trying to find happiness with different people and realizing that she needs to find it in herself. More than anything, that made me realize that I had to do the same thing. I knew I couldn't be happy with another person until I started following my own course, doing the things I loved doing and finding what it really is that makes ME happy. Once I got to that point, it helped with everything, my relationship with my kids, myself and with other people (women and just friends). I told myself long ago that my kids and I are worth more than that...she's not worth it...neither is your ex...she's not worth the time you spend thinking about her. As far as her new guy she's with, she's his problem now. She'll eventually tire of that and give him the same treatment she gave you. And, where your son is concerned, you will ALWAYS be his father and the main influence in his life. Hurts to hear about the new guy and it sucks to know how much time he gets, but, he can't ever get close to the bond you and your son share. Focus on the time you DO get, not the time you don't get. I know, these are just words. Doesn't make it any easier. Believe me, I understand. It does get better. You will heal. You just have to figure out what you can do for YOU and make yourself happy. No one else will do that for you... Good luck, blue skies... Thumbs up Debtman!!! And MM4, he's on his third marriage. She's on her second. He was the OM. That affair alone sets it up as a 75% failure rate. Ridiculous premise to start things on. And he wasn't even divorced either when they shacked up. The real SIN CITY and KRMA PLC are going to meet up some time. You could set your watch by it. Craziness to put a kid through this..... The Order of Protection impact time with your son? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 (edited) *cough**cough* Totally 110% agree. She's been so immature about the whole thing. :sick::sick::sick::mad::mad::mad: Thumbs up Debtman!!! And MM4, he's on his third marriage. She's on her second. He was the OM. That affair alone sets it up as a 75% failure rate. Ridiculous premise to start things on. And he wasn't even divorced either when they shacked up. The real SIN CITY and KRMA PLC are going to meet up some time. You could set your watch by it. Craziness to put a kid through this..... The Order of Protection impact time with your son? Maybe that is all true.. but like many things in this world, as we all know this out of my control. Yes, its seems preposterous.. hell it IS preposterous.. but who knows. I love that you remember their stupid personalized license plates. I'll do you one better.. I showed up to one of my sons swim lessons, I hadn't been in months because I didn't like sitting there listening to her and her parents act all fake and purposely ignore my existence. I'm sensitive like that I guess. So, when she is leaving i see she is wearing a t-shirt that says in big letters IN LOVE, surrounded by a heart. Again, I couldn't make this up if I tried. Though it does go well with the heart pendant with a keyhole she also sports. Wow. Seems incredibly cheesy to me. And no, bogus order has had no effect on visitation. My lawyers said he's concerned though that if they try to move out of the area they will use it as justification as to why they should be able to. Seems like dirty pool to me, but I wouldn't put it past her (or him). Edited June 6, 2013 by marqueemoon4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Though it does go well with the heart pendant with an arsehole she also sports. ^^^ There. Fixed it for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 Also.. got this email from her this morning. First contact I've received from her since new hubby got back in town: Today is xxxxx last day of school. Since you won't be taking him to school tomorrow morning, I wanted to give you the option of taking him tomorrow night instead until Saturday afternoon to have more time with him. Either way is fine. I figured during the summer if you wanted to take him Fridays instead of Thursdays then that would be ok. Up to you. Just let me know. Not going to over analyze. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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