sun_moon Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I had a dream that didn't really make sense about a man I was with who I loved very much and I was questioning his fidelity about something that may or may not have happened. I woke up feeling sad missing my ex. I'm thinking about the good and bad times and the things that I did t know that prob happened. I don't like thinking about it. How am I going to trust again!? How am I going to be normal in my next relationship? Now that my vacay is coming to an end i am thinking about what i need to do,I want to keep NC and heal, but i have money he owes me and I don't know how to do it. I don't want to meet him or talk to him and I don't want to regress bc I know he will find an opportunity to talk about his great life and tell me how wonderful his new girl is unlike me and how it's my fault again. I just can't handle it, I dont know what to do? I have lent him money many times during our relationship, there were times when I offered and times when he asked ( which I didnt like ). Just goes to show what kind of person I am and how I cared for him. That alone shows what kind of person he is, anyway I refgret it bc now I'm in this boat. I love how he rubbed in how his new gf takes care of him and understands him insinuating I gave him less. Ironically, while as an ex I'm still waiting patiently to be paid back from the last time he needed it. So what kind of gf was I when I gave you the money? Fing douchebag! Urg I'm getting angry just thinking and writing about it. This displays just how much I feel I was taken for granted and not appreciated as his girl, urg I'm so mad his temper and immaturity always found a way to walk on me and make me look bad. Comments!!??
Author sun_moon Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 $300, it was $700, but a few weeks ago he gave me $ 400. I didn't even meet him up for it I sent my friend and boy was he mad it wasn't me. I think partly he didn't give me all of it bc he wants to drag this **** on and on.
Author sun_moon Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 $300, it was $700, but a few weeks ago he gave me $ 400. I didn't even meet him up for it I sent my friend and boy was he mad it wasn't me. I think partly he didn't give me all of it bc he wants to drag this **** on and on.
lalalandman Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I would just send him a letter requesting a check and include a return envelope. Haha. He's not dragging this on as much as he is keeping you on a string. Just act professional and leave out the emotions. He'll most likely get butt hurt and try messing with your head some more. I know $300 is alot, but maybe just consider it a purchase. You're buying your dignity back. There you go
Author sun_moon Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 I was thinking of just texting him when I get back and saying in a text do you have the money and giving him an ac # to put it in, which i know will piss him off! Lol I have a feeling that's why he called last Friday, which i didn't answer, but he was leaving breadcrumbs and didn't leave a text or a vm!
lalalandman Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 yea i got a blocked call 4 days ago. It could only be my ex. Just one breadcrumb in the 2 weeks of NC. I'm guessing maybe it was an urge, or she was checking on me. I deleted my FB so maybe she thought I changed my number. Who knows. But I wouldn't let that money thing linger on. Seriously. He's just using it to keep you around. It's kind of pathetic. I would just forget about the money and move on. Maybe he'll own up to it at some point and pay you back. But don't let him use the money as a means to keep you around.
Author sun_moon Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 (edited) No no I have been proudly been doing NC for I guess 3 weeks now I don't recall the exact day but I consider that a good thing! But before that, our last conversation was him promising me he will pay me back and not screwing me over that he would never do that, his words not mine. He said he would let me know when he had the rest of the money, then I got the call last Friday evening with no message. Lalalandman, he's seeing someone and has been, one month after our breakup, I'll be damned if uses MY money on her, if he's broke then that's his Problem. He hasn't bothered to contact me since he's been with her, only before and after he gave me part of the money, insisting on calling instead of texting, for arrangements, I would ignore it and respond with texts instead, and after he met my friend instead of me for the money, which shocked him, he got mad and called me.... And we fought ..... Telling me he's angry at me etc etc that it was my fault he's with someone else bla blah blah.... Let me reference you to some old posts: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t278061 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t278706 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t278905 So do you think he's doing this because he's broke or bc he wants to string this along? It's not working, ive been NC,not calling him Nothing! I'm not bothering with it like he expected. I just want to get past this, I need to work on me. Edited May 28, 2011 by sun_moon
EgoJoe Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I think you are not doing yourselfa favor by questioning a motive here. It would be ok to inquire about your money and simply add that due to the nature of your seperation you feel that all loose ends should be tied up promptly so as to avoid any further hard feelings.
Author sun_moon Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 How so? I don't want to even contact him, just get my money. I'm venting here only, can you elaborate?
EgoJoe Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 He might be broke, he might be trying to hang on to you and he also might have a bunch of other stuff going on. It would be ok for you to say: "Hey, I'm not trying to be a shylock or anything I would just really like my money so that I can tie up all of the loose ends from our previous relationship. Please, fill me in on what is going on. Thank you."
Author sun_moon Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Yeah... I'm gonna keep it short and sweet and to the point. I'm quite anxious he's gonna do something hurtful. I will keep you posted.
EgoJoe Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 From my perspective your situation is a clear example of where NC does not apply. Short and to the point is the best for this. Think of it this way: he paid you most of it already, why would he not wish to pay you the rest? If he's so egotistical he would not want you to have that over him, simultaneously, if he wants to someday come to terms and a consensus it's in his best interest. Not everybody is so egotistical and selfish as we portray them to be from our interpretations of their actions which cause us to react by feeling sleighted. Obviously I am not always of this mind yet it is so much easier to be from the outside looking in.
Author sun_moon Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Yeah I know your right. I'm not anxious he won't pay me back, I know he will. I'm anxious of what he will say or do. Telling me bout the girl or whatever, telling me more BS bout how I ruined everything and pushed him to her. I can't hear it, I'm not ready for a mean streak from him, what is worse is hearing of her, Im afraid I admit.
Author sun_moon Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Ok now I'm freaking out. He just called me, I didn't answer. When am I gonna stop feeling this way? I want to throw up. I'm not technically back from vacay till Monday, I start my drive back Tommorrow morning. Urg why do i feel this way? And guess what no vm or text after.
lalalandman Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Why is 3 weeks always the breaking point?? So weird....
Author sun_moon Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Because I just don't want to talk to him, it won't help me heal or forget. I don't know what he will be like on the phone bc the last time he talked to me, it was horrible, it was a low low time, I thought I was gonna go crazy. It's bad enough he's moved on to another girl... I'm not ready. What the hell??!! Eventually I have to contact him i know.... for the money.
EgoJoe Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 You need to just get it over with. I feel the same but my situation is different. I can say with a matter of certainty thugh, tie THIS end up. Then you'll have no reason to hear from him and he'll have no reason to get ahold of you and you can tell him so.
Author sun_moon Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 It's very late almost midnight, he just called again. I guess I will have to make a move tomorrow, I will text him during my trip back. I dont want to go to work feeling like ****.
PelicanPete Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 In my opinion, just get mentally prepared and phone him tonight. Tell him you'll be coming by his place as soon as you get back [or whenever is convient for you, sooner the better] to collect your money. Keep the conversation as brief and short as possible, don't get sucked in, and then you can finally start to just put him behind you. It sucks still needing something from an ex, causes a lot of stress and makes you feel like you have to sleep with one eye open. Situations like that are how people get wrinkles! Just amputate the rest of the relationship like your ripping off a bandaid, and you can be sad and crying later. At least that pain will have purpose and progression, at this point you're spinning in circles. You can do it! I believe
EgoJoe Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Pete is so right. Also, William Blake quotes are always amazing.
PelicanPete Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Pete is so right. Also, William Blake quotes are always amazing. You were already all over it, I was just backin' you up! And yes, he's my favorite poet
EgoJoe Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Look up, William Blake Overdrive by A Wilhelm Scream It's on Youtube, they are my favorite band. What is sad is I knew better than to do what I did at the end of my relationship. Funny what love can make you believe. Off topic I know but their general lyrical theme is a warning to the behavior I experienced.
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