The smallest and most insignificant I have ever felt

[sun_moon]

Hello,

This is my first post, I'm hoping that after this I can get back on my road to recovery, I wasnt doing so bad until this point.

I have tried my hardest to keep away from my ex, overall I think I have done well, but this week has been rough, and I feel as if I have drastically put myself back by talking to him.

My ex is rebounding with someone, and I am sure of it. He likes to take every oppertunity he can to tell me that he's happy with her and that shes so wonderful and accepting and is glad to be with her. Yet, yesterday he told me everyone around him seems to know he's unhappy except ME. How he so angry at me because I didnt take him back and now he's "moved on" to someone else.

Today I made the mistake of calling him to ask him something and now I regret everything. His mood was much better than yesterday and he proceeded to tell me the OPPOSITE of what he said yesterday. How wonderful the girl is, etc etc, and that he's so happy and content that it would make me sick.

While him laying it on thick is definitely a signal that he's not ok, I still feel like crap. Why did I do this to myself, why did I call him?

To hear that she's hot, that she's confident unlike me, that shes great to him and treats him right....etc etc...

Sad thing I was so good to him, I kept interrupting him and telling him I was happy for him but I didnt ask about her. I kept telling him that it doesnt matter anymore, but really I wanted to yell at myself for calling and subjecting myself to images I didnt want to imagine.

After 2 years of a relationship, he moves on in as little as a month, probably less, I will never know.

I am so sad, and I feel like I unraveled all my hard work to try to keep a positive attitude.

[Delilah5]

Hello,

This is my first post, I'm hoping that after this I can get back on my road to recovery, I wasnt doing so bad until this point.

I have tried my hardest to keep away from my ex, overall I think I have done well, but this week has been rough, and I feel as if I have drastically put myself back by talking to him.

My ex is rebounding with someone, and I am sure of it. He likes to take every oppertunity he can to tell me that he's happy with her and that shes so wonderful and accepting and is glad to be with her. Yet, yesterday he told me everyone around him seems to know he's unhappy except ME. How he so angry at me because I didnt take him back and now he's "moved on" to someone else.

Today I made the mistake of calling him to ask him something and now I regret everything. His mood was much better than yesterday and he proceeded to tell me the OPPOSITE of what he said yesterday. How wonderful the girl is, etc etc, and that he's so happy and content that it would make me sick.

While him laying it on thick is definitely a signal that he's not ok, I still feel like crap. Why did I do this to myself, why did I call him?

To hear that she's hot, that she's confident unlike me, that shes great to him and treats him right....etc etc...

Sad thing I was so good to him, I kept interrupting him and telling him I was happy for him but I didnt ask about her. I kept telling him that it doesnt matter anymore, but really I wanted to yell at myself for calling and subjecting myself to images I didnt want to imagine.

After 2 years of a relationship, he moves on in as little as a month, probably less, I will never know.

I am so sad, and I feel like I unraveled all my hard work to try to keep a positive attitude.

Pick yourself up and start again. Don't listen to him. Don't answer the phone. It sounds to me like he's resentful and enjoys ripping the scabs off and watching you bleed. Don't let him. Protect yourself from his mess and call yourself Wes. I believe it angers him when you tell him that your happy for him. That's very brave. I've been there and done that myself. It's extremely difficult to do. But where there's no wood the fire goes out. Avoid him at all costs. Don't call him anymore and hurt yourself. He's the one that is enjoying it. Don't give him the time a day and start to heal. I'm rootin' for you kid. You can get through this and you will!!!!:D:D:D

[sun_moon]

Thank you! I felt some kind of okayness yesterday when we talked and realized he was in the same boat as I was, miserable, and that my intuition was right about his rebound, he thinks he's happy but he's not.

But today was so polar opposite of yesterday, he's "happy" and I did the wrong thing by talking to him.

You know what, I dont care what he says, as harsh as he was, I know the truth, he's distracting himself from the pain.

when will I stop feeling insignificant? Why does he take so much pleasure in telling me about her?

I was not cruel to him.

But I know from yesterday's conversation, he kept repeating like a maniac how mad at me he is for letting him go and allowing him to have an open door for another girl to find him. He blames me for his quick rebound, do you know how messed up that is?

[Desensitized]

From the way he's acting, you either did something to piss him off (earlier in the relationship of course) and he is trying to get revenge on you. It might have to do with the fact that you didn't take him back and now he's pissed - I don't really know. However, he still LOVES you, no doubt about that. I too played this whole "I moved on from you, look at me with my hot new girlfriend." The only reason we say these things is so you come back... we're still very much in-love with the girl that broke up with us, or broke up with you. It's funny how it works, but that's just how it is. He's being immature, I am also guilty of that. All you can really do is ignore him until he goes away or calms down. He will apologize to you sooner or later. Until then, don't listen to whatever he says when he says that he "loves" the other girl.

[sun_moon]

Thanks for that pep talk. Yeah, he flat out told me yesterday that the biggest reason hes angry at me is that when he "begged' for me back I didn't take him back....and yah she's everything I'm not. Damn right I'm not, shes obviously a tramp!

I'm pissed myself. Thank you, really at this point, the best thing for me is NC, and I hope and pray one day he will be MAN enough to see his mistakes, I dont see that apology coming anytime soon.

 

All of this really really sucks

[Gisele]

Im really sorry you're going through this, i know exactly how you feel. I've been treated to the big 'im insanely happy with her now, im over you yada yada yada' speech. It hurts like hell, and yes, it makes you feel like crap

 

Your guy seems to have feelings for you though, or he wouldn't be laying it on so thick

 

Keep your head high and avoid him as much as possible, if you get stuck in the situation where you have to talk about it, just smile and say you're happy for him (like you have been) and say they make a nice couple (both as bad as each other i assume)

 

But stick to NC.

 

And don't fixate on her, that's the big mistake ive been making. just makes you miserable.

 

If he saw you with another guy im sure he'd be green with envy: especially with you being the dumper

 

Don't let it get you down. Let him be the one putting all his energy into this. And keep venting here whenever you feel low about it!

[Kodo]

I mean absolutely no offence by this question, but why exactly does it bother you? I doubt he's really that keen on the girl. Chances are she is convenient for healing, that's all.

 

But if this is what he has to do to move on... or what he thinks will bring you back, why is it hurting you? Does it hurt you because you seem as now out of reach? Or is it more the disrespect that you wouldn't take him back but it's still quite a sensitive situation regardless?

 

Again I'm not trying to offend, just trying to understand. A real life friend recently said they were worried about losing their ex... but won't take them back? Maybe they both need to calm down and talk and fix things?

[sun_moon]

Gisele,

Thank you it really does suck. I woke up this morning, and here I am already on the forum because I'm just so damn miserable. I woke up with thoughts of what he said to me yesterday, thoughts about what she must be like and its tearing me apart.

Kodo,

It hurts immensely because we were together for 2 years and after a mere month he moves on. The saddest part is before I knew he was dating someone else and had NC, I wanted to talk to him and get back together, then i find out he was lying to me on being on his own and has been in a relationship.

I do feel disrespected, deceived, alone, and for the first time yesterday he actually succeeded in making me feel torn down and pathetic.

It hurts me because how can someone who loved me be so cruel with his words and just want to show off his happiness, I never probed about her, I specifically didnt ask after I found out he was seeing her.

Now, I am back to square one, completely regressed, feeling completely alone, completely stupid, and mostly broken hearted.

I pray for the day where I dont wake up with thoughts of him or sadness or another person. Its not happening soon enough, and I'm so sad and angry I'm the only one mourning this relationship.

[Kodo]

Kodo,

It hurts immensely because we were together for 2 years and after a mere month he moves on. The saddest part is before I knew he was dating someone else and had NC, I wanted to talk to him and get back together, then i find out he was lying to me on being on his own and has been in a relationship.

 

It baffles me too. I cannot fathom how someone can kiss, sleep with or date someone SO SOON after a break up. I honestly think these people have something missing from their psyche. Something they didn't experience as a child or have misinterpreted as an adult.

 

I've been a victim of it too. I couldn't possibly consider just jumping straight to someone else. I know it'd be a rebound. And that's part of the reason I think he's done that too. He's trying to hold what power to put everything into a perspective where he feels on top.

 

I do feel disrespected, deceived, alone, and for the first time yesterday he actually succeeded in making me feel torn down and pathetic.

It hurts me because how can someone who loved me be so cruel with his words and just want to show off his happiness, I never probed about her, I specifically didnt ask after I found out he was seeing her.

Now, I am back to square one, completely regressed, feeling completely alone, completely stupid, and mostly broken hearted.

I pray for the day where I dont wake up with thoughts of him or sadness or another person. Its not happening soon enough, and I'm so sad and angry I'm the only one mourning this relationship.

 

Gosh I wish I could say something clever that'd alleviate that. A friend of mine said to me "who could possibly move on so fast after a relationship". And I said "my ex". He replies "no... no-one can". You only see their actions not their thoughts. And this is why I believe people do this. He is driven by his ego to prove to everyone (but himself) that he is doing well with the break up.

[Gisele]

you're not though. Do you really think he had a big smile on his face after you ended things? It's just my opinion, but she's a rebound. 2 years is a long time. And less than a month isn't enough time to forget a person.

 

Yes, there's the possibility that they're made for each other and they just happened to find each other then....but he's still going to have residual feelings and issues left over from your relationship, and being with someone else right away is only going to suppress them, not heal them. it's putting a plaster on a bullet wound: even if it doesn't get infected, he's just delaying his own recovery

 

I feel the exact same way you feel: lonely, stupid, rejected, pathetic.

 

But we're not, and no-one can make you feel that way unless you let them.

 

I have to see my guy and his new girlfriend together everyday: we're at university together. She's 7 years older than me. They slept together the day we broke up. Been a few months, and they're still going strong. Everyone sees them as 'that really cute couple'

 

I have really really low moments, just yesterday i found out they're going on holiday together for 3 weeks. I have days where it's all i can focus on

 

But coming on here really helps keep things in perspective. There's loads of people here who are going through the exact same thing.

 

It's just about looking after yourself. Im definitely a lot better now than i was 2 months ago. It's slow, but you do get there, please trust that

 

Just promise me that no matter how tempting it is DO NOT BREAK NO CONTACT.

 

Been there, done that, was nearly as bad as the break-up itself. TRUST me, don't go there

 

And pamper yourself lot's of comedies, new make-up/clothes, go on a trip if you can. Anything that makes you feel better: be a little selfish

[Gisele]

And Kodo is definitely right: it's very ego-related. Rejected men will do anything to protect their ego from further harm.

 

Kodo is also right in that you don't know what each other is thinking. He could be under the impression that you're moving on yourself, or already have, and he's struggling to keep up with that

[sun_moon]

thanks kodo and giesel

I hope your are both right. This morning it was like my soul has left my body and I was a vegetable in my bed...i came here to type, I cried, I went back to sleep, then I woke up and by 11.30am I made myself get up and go watch Ugly Betty because she makes me laugh...lol

 

I absolutely pray for strength and I want to keep NC, I realize now how sick and demented he is, he believes his own lies and tries to blame me for everything. Talking to him is like talking to poison, he is filled with so much anger, resentment, etc. He seems like the most confident man in the world but deep inside I know he has many insecurities and is still a boy playing around.

 

Seriously, I dont want to go to that dark place. I am a young, smart, successful woman in my PRIME. I am sexy and lack nothing, he is so stupid to think he can hurt me with his viciousness. He may have won a small battle and that is what he wants, the last word, the last hurrah, because his ego cant handle the truth. BUT I will be fine in the end...and he will be just a stupid memory.

 

I get hit on and oogled all the time, I know my worth, everyone does, EXCEPT HIM! I have to keep reminding myself, I will be happy one day, I will forget one day, till then I have to try my best and fake it till I make it.

 

I am worth so much more than the horribleness he's presented me. What kind of love is this where is wanting to pain me? He's sick I tell you.

 

I shopped till I dropped today, bought some sexy swimming suits THAT HE WILL NEVER SEE, a dress, etc....

 

I had lunch with my family, and I am thinking about going dancing this evening, something I left a long time ago when I started graduate school. Now that I am done with school and feeling so "insignificant and broken hearted" I really need to try hard and find happiness and positivity.

 

I thank you for your kind words of encouragement, and I know I will hit another low but as long as I keep having functional moments and times of strength, I will be ok. WE WILL ALL BE OK EVENTUALLY.

 

Is it horrible to wish that one day (sooner than later i hope) his ego falls apart and he gets the feeling and sting of what he put me through? I hope by then I am happy and have moved on, I hope that he realizes the best thing that had ever happened to him is gone and I hope he contacts me and I get the satisfaction of NC.

 

Ok Ok a girl can daydream cant she?

[Kodo]

Is it horrible to wish that one day (sooner than later i hope) his ego falls apart and he gets the feeling and sting of what he put me through? I hope by then I am happy and have moved on, I hope that he realizes the best thing that had ever happened to him is gone and I hope he contacts me and I get the satisfaction of NC.

 

Ok Ok a girl can daydream cant she?

 

Bit of silent confidence never hurts. Not like your thoughts will cause that. But perhaps your actions will make him realise what he lost.

[sun_moon]

Its morning,

why did i have to wake up to misery again. I didnt sleep well, I woke up in a foul mood BEFORE my alarm of 5am, I'm angry, I'm hurt, and I feel like my insides only exist to hurt me.

 

I stayed busy all day yesterday and went to my dancing lessons, I came home so physically exhausted, but still feeling crappy, surely I thought it would make me pass out in exhaustion, but no....tossing and turning all night.

 

Another day of pushing through......please make it stop.

[Kodo]

Its morning,

why did i have to wake up to misery again. I didnt sleep well, I woke up in a foul mood BEFORE my alarm of 5am, I'm angry, I'm hurt, and I feel like my insides only exist to hurt me.

 

I stayed busy all day yesterday and went to my dancing lessons, I came home so physically exhausted, but still feeling crappy, surely I thought it would make me pass out in exhaustion, but no....tossing and turning all night.

 

Another day of pushing through......please make it stop.

 

The dreams are the worse. Get up and be active straight away. Walk about the house, do something as simple as stand in a room that you're never usually in, make yourself feel unfamiliar with your surroundings. It'll distract you.

[sun_moon]

Kodo, your words bring me comfort, distraction, and I hope truth.

 

Urg, I dread doing physical exercise of some sort, I have a class in 2 hours, but I always make myself go...because in the end I'm happy I did it.

 

I'm gonna be sad for a while, but I'm so glad I'm picking up activities, I'm proud of my efforts..

 

did I mention I hate exercise?

[Desensitized]

Kodo, your words bring me comfort, distraction, and I hope truth.

 

Urg, I dread doing physical exercise of some sort, I have a class in 2 hours, but I always make myself go...because in the end I'm happy I did it.

 

I'm gonna be sad for a while, but I'm so glad I'm picking up activities, I'm proud of my efforts..

 

did I mention I hate exercise?

It's all a matter of perspective. If you tell yourself you hate exercise, you won't want to do it. Go walking/jogging/running at least 30 minutes a day, and try not to eat excessively (this will balance things if you don't really like to exercise), but don't starve yourself either. Hope this helps.

[sun_moon]

so the feeling of insignificance is slowly detaching with more sadness and anger. Its all just one melting pot of negative emotions and I want so badly just to feel better.

 

I have moments of okayness and moments where I dont even know how I am functioning at work.

 

It really really sucks.