sun_moon Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 You know everytime I feel like I'm doing better I wake up to misery. I can't hush my thoughts, this especially happens when I have early days at work and have to wake up at 5am. I can't stand to be alone in my thoughts. I had another interrupted restless sleep. I know that not sleeping well is just perpetuating my sadness in the morning ! Right now I want to scream out of frustration I'm so hurt. I can't stop remembering that he's with someone it just won't leave me or all the painful things he said to me. I get it he's mad at me, that's how he deals with the pain and the breakup but really, he gets someone else too???!!! I HATE ALL THIS! I'm so tired of feeling this way, please GOD make the pain stop please, I jut want to burst into tears.
plasma Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 You know everytime I feel like I'm doing better I wake up to misery. I can't hush my thoughts, this especially happens when I have early days at work and have to wake up at 5am. I can't stand to be alone in my thoughts. I had another interrupted restless sleep. I know that not sleeping well is just perpetuating my sadness in the morning ! Right now I want to scream out of frustration I'm so hurt. I can't stop remembering that he's with someone it just won't leave me or all the painful things he said to me. I get it he's mad at me, that's how he deals with the pain and the breakup but really, he gets someone else too???!!! I HATE ALL THIS! I'm so tired of feeling this way, please GOD make the pain stop please, I jut want to burst into tears. i know the feeling, its like waking up hungry, mine comes n goes, hopefully for you it its not everyday:sick: are you idling at the moment ? if you are break the cycle NOW and see if the mornings get easier, f*ck i hate waking up " stuck" i was the dumpee
usabup Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Yeah I know what you mean, I always feel at my worst in the mornings too. It will get better with time.
plasma Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 its a roller coaster, today i feel " normal" hope it stays this way 4ever, also trying to avoid " triggers"
Author sun_moon Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 Yes I'm sitting at my desk staring at my monitor waiting for a conf call! Does st johns wort work? I was the dumper by the way but it doesn't mean I'm doing ok. FYI I'm a mess and I do love him and I do miss him, it was the hardest decision I had to make, initially he convinced me to get back with him and when I wanted to tell him, he was already seeing someone, what bothers me is that he lied about it and hid it from me, he wanted to string me along as well. It took him less than a month to find a "relationship ". All this **** about not being able to be with anyone else. Omg I hate mornings I hate relationships I hate love I hate weekness I hate infidelity Make it STOP! Please God I just want to feel better I want to be my old self again . *crying*
Pikachu Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Mornings are bad for me but always found the nights to be the worst. Laying in bed alone for the first time in years with nothing to do but think drives me crazy. Its gotten better over the months but I still have those nights when im staring at the clock. A friend mentioned to me listening to calming music as you fall asleep and its done wonders. I have to admit though once and awhile I do have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning due to sadness.
guitarxkid Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Yeah mornings are really bad some days especially when you have a good dream about being with them that night and wake up at first thinking that its real and then realizing you're still stuck in the spot you were when you fell asleep that night.
plasma Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Yes I'm sitting at my desk staring at my monitor waiting for a conf call! Does st johns wort work? I was the dumper by the way but it doesn't mean I'm doing ok. FYI I'm a mess and I do love him and I do miss him, it was the hardest decision I had to make, initially he convinced me to get back with him and when I wanted to tell him, he was already seeing someone, what bothers me is that he lied about it and hid it from me, he wanted to string me along as well. It took him less than a month to find a "relationship ". All this **** about not being able to be with anyone else. Omg I hate mornings I hate relationships I hate love I hate weekness I hate infidelity Make it STOP! Please God I just want to feel better I want to be my old self again . *crying* looks like you are feeling guilty st johns wort wont work niether will 5- HTPA... if your the dumper then you ultimatley have to deal with the cards you dealt
Author sun_moon Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 no I dont feel guilty, I didnt lie to him. He lied to me, we were on the path of reconciliation but he chose to rebound instead. I'm angry at him because in the end he told me to give him his space and he would come to me and talk when he's ready, come to find out, it was because he was with someone. The cruel part is the deception and lies, he didnt have to keep me waiting. There is nothing to feel guilty about.
The Great Gazoo Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Mornings are the worst for me too. I'm 3.5 weeks past DDay and I wake up so lonely, full of fear, anxiety and dread just about every morning. I hate feeling like this.
D-Lish Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I went through the horrible mornings as well. In those first 5 weeks after the break up, I was lucky if I could get in 3 hours of sleep. I'd wake up in a state of panic- horrible anxiety, and just lie there crying, ruminating over what happened. Not to mention the missing him. There is nothing worse than knowing things are completely beyond your control, the person is gone, and there isn't anything you can do about it. Please know it will pass. I'm 7 weeks out of being dumped, and I'm finally finding a little more respite. Mornings still suck...He's the first thing I think about, and still the last thing I think about before going to bed- but it's not as awful as it first was, and it's marginally better than it was a week ago. It's baby steps. There will come a morning when maybe he's the second thing you think about, and trust me when I say there will come a time when he's not on your mind at all anymore.
Author sun_moon Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 Please know it will pass. I'm 7 weeks out of being dumped, and I'm finally finding a little more respite. Mornings still suck...He's the first thing I think about, and still the last thing I think about before going to bed- but it's not as awful as it first was, and it's marginally better than it was a week ago. It's baby steps. There will come a morning when maybe he's the second thing you think about, and trust me when I say there will come a time when he's not on your mind at all anymore. I'm already dreading tomorrow morning :-( it literally takes me all day to feel better, next thing I know I have to go to bed and i wake up sad. Good luck to all of us tomorrow morning. Here's to looking forward to a good nights sleep, no anxiety, and one final day when they stop haunting our first and last thoughts for the day.
The Great Gazoo Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Good luck to all of us tomorrow morning. . and all the mornings after that
D-Lish Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I'm already dreading tomorrow morning :-( it literally takes me all day to feel better, next thing I know I have to go to bed and i wake up sad. Good luck to all of us tomorrow morning. Here's to looking forward to a good nights sleep, no anxiety, and one final day when they stop haunting our first and last thoughts for the day. If you have to cry, make sure you do it, don't stop yourself. Emoting is something that will help you through this. Don't deny yourself the grieving process, because it's integral to moving forward. If your mind wanders to him, shift your thought process. I really want a promotion at work, so I consciously shift my focus of missing him into ways I can advance in my work situation. Try and set a goal for yourself, then focus all your energy into reaching that goal. It can be about personal improvement, your professional life, etc. When you wake up in the morning with your ex on your mind, shift your focus to what you are going to do that day to reach your goal. It will get better, just keep pushing through it. You have to put some effort into healing, it doesn't always just come to you naturally. Sleep well Bella, may tomorrow morning be the start of a turning point for you;)
EgoJoe Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 About the only thing I do well is expressing the feelings. I'm right there with you. You've been responding to my thread and I struggle with understanding what has happened how to facilitate what was said etc. I just got off of the phone with a new mentor and he told me this: You have to abandon expectations, assess your own needs, stop giving away all of your power, free yourself of the conclusions of your ego and take this opportunity to grow. Very esoteric from a guy who studied at a monestary, however, it is solid advice.
Author sun_moon Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 EgoJoe, Pat yourself on the back for you are dealing with your deamons head on! You are transforming yourself to a better Man one day, not an angry hung up boy. ;-) I commend you and congratulate you. I woke up today feeling the same way but I talked myself out of dwelling and "coached" myself as my best friend reminded me I can do. I cried a little on my way to work but I'm ok for now. I am about to go on vacation so i am making that my motivation to look forward to a nice road trip with my sisters to Orlando! 2 more days of work and off I go. I decided that I am going to seek counseling after I'm back in a week. I really want to heal and close this chapter in my life, I have difficult questions in my mind and I want help finding them. Blame when it comes to hurt is a two way street and I feel the better I have an understanding of my short comings and his and both our mistakes the better off I will be and quicker. For all the rest of you I say, bc I'm having a strong moment, WE CAN DO THIS!
The Great Gazoo Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 About the only thing I do well is expressing the feelings. I'm right there with you. You've been responding to my thread and I struggle with understanding what has happened how to facilitate what was said etc. I just got off of the phone with a new mentor and he told me this: You have to abandon expectations, assess your own needs, stop giving away all of your power, free yourself of the conclusions of your ego and take this opportunity to grow. Very esoteric from a guy who studied at a monestary, however, it is solid advice. Beautiful. It IS all about expectations and patterns from the past of your relationship and all other relationships, perhaps right from the womb. In my situation she is acting cold, heartless, and even cruel. Likely because, deep down she is guilty and lonely, but she can't admit that to herself because she has to keep moving forward as she's made her mind up to move on. Even though I don't want her back -- I just keep having the hopeful expectation that I will see a glimpse of the kind, softer person I loved but she's already moved on -- it's about accepting that these expectations of our ex are simply a lost cause.
EgoJoe Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Thanks, sun. I've been turning into this guy for a long time (24 about to be 25 in September) I guess I've been caughtup in emotional attachment, promises and complacency. We're talking over three threads which is a little funny but I really appreciate the positive encouragement.
Author sun_moon Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 LOL yeah i think its funny! Seriously way to go on your progress. Gosh, you know what sucks... I'm in the "feeling worse in the morning thread' on a Friday night feeling sorry for myself. LOL how ironic. My friends are busy, my sister is partying and invited me (but I have work tomorrow and I just cant stay up till 3 am and wake up at 6 am any more :-p) and I have nothing TO DO. Instead I'm on here trying to numb myself and distract myself by reading peoples stories and commenting...... *sigh*
EgoJoe Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Could be worse. I have an excellent memory and I get random flashbacks to perfect moments and then moments that I didn't recognize were downhill...to moments where she may have already been gone. Atleast you're healing and moving on. I'm just healing...don't know the rest.
Author sun_moon Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 Thanks for being positive FOR ME, but I'm just having a "good " day. I am really looking forward to my escape and I will probably be living in fear of that sadness again when I come back. I'm no where near over him, but I want someone who knows what they have/had and he did NOT. If he did he didnt tell me enough or instead he blamed me for HIS shortcomings or attacked me. I'm not an egotistical person, I'm really not, I actually have some confidence issues, which he likes to remind me of all the time. But what I can say is this: every serious relationship I have ever had has come full circle to the guy one day telling me: I made a mistake letting you go, or I regret us ending, or you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, or I'm sorry I was so foolish you are such a great catch. Hopefully they werent just lines to try to rekindle something. lol So, that being said, I know I will meet someone one day that can see that, hold on to it AND treat me right...and I KNOW he will feel something like that one day, BUT I will probably never know because he is SO ARROGANT and lives his entire life in denial. OMG I'm ranting and venting again.
Recommended Posts