If a guy wants to meet halfway for a FIRST date, what does this say about him?

[CrestfallenNoMore]

The guy very specificly told me we should meet in this particular city halfway....and I kind of wish he had asked me first where I'd like to meet instead of just deciding for himself. I kind of wished I had told him that I'm not too familiar with that city and then choose a different place. I guess it's the fact that we have to meet halfway for a first date (I've done it before but I was the one who suggested) combined with the fact that he didnt even ask me for input on where to meet that got me confused.

 

Ok, so you're frustrated that he's asking you to drive an equal distance, but irritated that he didn't ask for your input on where he wanted to take you to dinner. It seems you want equality when it suits you.

 

Frankly, it just doesn't sound like you're really that into this guy, period. It sounds like you're cherry picking things to create excuses not to go.

[O'Malley]

You're over analyzing this.

 

Maybe his thinking is that you wouldn't feel comfortable having a stranger pick you up at your house on the first date....

 

I'd have no issue with meeting up with a date; I really don't want someone knowing where I live until I'm acquainted with them far more. If you prefer another place to meet, or you're unfamiliar with the area that he suggested, then speak up. If you're not interested, pick up the phone and cancel.

 

Meeting up ensures that if the date doesn't go well and you don't want a repeat, you can make your excuses and leave at any time.

[conehead]

Adding to my earlier posting, wanting to meet halfway IMO signals balance; a man who balances his attraction and desires versus his own sensibilities. This presumes he pays for the first date and solicits the lady's input on venue.

 

Personally, I've met very few women halfway for first dates, preferring venues near them if possible. With my exW, it was the distance which impelled my desire for balance. I think it's the interaction and the synergy which make for a healthy potential, not the gallons of gasoline or jet fuel burned getting one's butt to the location. YMMV.

 

Note what I highlighted in bold. The guy did not ask me my input on location...he just basically decided on it. I told him I'm not familiar with the location he chose, and he went ahead and chose a restaurant there.

 

So why is it that most of the time you prefer to choose a location near the woman's place?

 

With your exW, how far was the distance? And you actually were the one who suggested meeting halfway for the first date without asking her where she wanted to meet?

[conehead]

Carhill - I just realized you said the distance was 60 miles...which is kind of far I suppose and sounds like a 1.5 hr drive. In that case, I can understand meeting halfway or partway. But 30 miles really doesnt seem all that far to me....its a 40 minute drive according to google maps. I actually read the eharmony advice about where to meet and it says that ideally a guy who is interested will suggest drive to the girls area instead of meeting halfway.

 

Bottom line, I guess meeting halfway is not a dealbreaker for me but it sure doesnt make me feel better about the guy. I guess my last 3 bfs all treated me like princesses so I'm spoiled. But I guess its a whole new dating world out there where meeting halfway and going dutch is the norm...I dont like it but seems like its reality

[Sanman]

Note what I highlighted in bold. The guy did not ask me my input on location...he just basically decided on it. I told him I'm not familiar with the location he chose, and he went ahead and chose a restaurant there.

 

So why is it that most of the time you prefer to choose a location near the woman's place?

 

With your exW, how far was the distance? And you actually were the one who suggested meeting halfway for the first date without asking her where she wanted to meet?

 

So are you annoyed about driving to meet him half way or him not asking for your input on location? Those are two different issues. Did you mention an alternate location you would prefer instead? If he planned everything and you agreed to something you were not comfortable with without telling him otherwise, you have no one to blame but yourself. If you did not agree, why does he think you guys are going there on a date?

[carhill]

So why is it that most of the time you prefer to choose a location near the woman's place?

 

For a first date, I view it as a safety and territory issue. I'm comfortable in strange places around the world. Many of the women I've dated have never been out of Cali. They have their 'territory' where they feel comfortable meeting a relative stranger. I respect that. In my exW's case, we both lived in smaller towns and met in the big city we were both familiar with and which had the most options. After that date, we fell into a pattern of visiting each other on alternative weekends and dating that way, ultimately overnighting as the relationship became sexual/committed. We continued that pattern until getting married 18 months later, whereupon she moved in with me, as I owned a home.

 

Soliciting the lady's input is *my*style; not all men subscribe to that style. As an example, I asked my exW if she enjoyed Mexican food and what dishes and settled on a little family restaurant where I know the owners. Since I've been separated/divorced, I've taken a few first dates there as well, generally meeting them, as it is near where they live, but am happy to try most anything a lady suggests. IMO, flexibility is the key, along with focusing on the date rather than the logistics. Everything works out.

[musemaj11]

If you dont like the venue and have other suggestion, just tell him. The guy was simply being assertive by making the plan.

 

It seems a guy can never be right. If he asks for suggestion, he will be deemed unassertive enough. But if he doesnt ask for suggestion, he will be called selfish.

 

Nah... talk to me about meeting half-way when you have gone through pregnancies, birth, abortions, birth control hormones, and all that sh*t. Remind me how unhealthy and expensive condoms are?

Huh? What the hell are you rambling about?

 

So what you are saying is that if I paid and picked you up on a first date, I would have the right to demand that you take birth control and have an abortion when necessary, yes?

 

Listen up guys. Dont ever get married. You dont want to end up in a binding contract with these creatures. What you hear here is what the majority of women in real life truly believe.

 

Bottom line, I guess meeting halfway is not a dealbreaker for me but it sure doesnt make me feel better about the guy. I guess my last 3 bfs all treated me like princesses so I'm spoiled. But I guess its a whole new dating world out there where meeting halfway and going dutch is the norm...I dont like it but seems like its reality

If you want doormats who treat you like a princess, then look for a doormat who treats you like a princess. Know what you want and go for what you want.

Edited May 13, 2011 by musemaj11

[conehead]

For a first date, I view it as a safety and territory issue. I'm comfortable in strange places around the world. Many of the women I've dated have never been out of Cali. They have their 'territory' where they feel comfortable meeting a relative stranger. I respect that. In my exW's case, we both lived in smaller towns and met in the big city we were both familiar with and which had the most options. After that date, we fell into a pattern of visiting each other on alternative weekends and dating that way, ultimately overnighting as the relationship became sexual/committed. We continued that pattern until getting married 18 months later, whereupon she moved in with me, as I owned a home.

 

Soliciting the lady's input is *my*style; not all men subscribe to that style. As an example, I asked my exW if she enjoyed Mexican food and what dishes and settled on a little family restaurant where I know the owners. Since I've been separated/divorced, I've taken a few first dates there as well, generally meeting them, as it is near where they live, but am happy to try most anything a lady suggests. IMO, flexibility is the key, along with focusing on the date rather than the logistics. Everything works out.

 

I see what you mean. I guess a guy who is assertive and suggests meeting halfway is a certain type of guy some girls like. I do notice that he is more masculine looking and sounding and also less 'bubbly' than guys I'm used to. I guess he is just not my type. I think I went through the eharmony process and emailing and phone with him because I thought he was incredibly attractive and has a great career, but I don't think we'd be that great a match.

 

I'm used to dating guys who are adorable, sensitive, thoughtful, etc. This guy may still be those things, but he sure hasn't shown it yet. I think I need the more 'bubbly' type of guy who likes pampering girls...they are the guys who make my heart flutter. Not much hope that things will work out with this date but guess we shall see.

[Ruby Slippers]

Lol. Chances are if you need that much effort to look good we probably wouldn't do it either.

Well, this comment shows a lot of class on your part.

 

This has nothing to do with treating people. The dating game is what Carhill calls "the dance" between a man and a woman. In love and war, everything is allowed. In any case, the rules are different from the non-dating, or even marriage, worlds. Men LOVE to do things for women in the courting phase. Allow a man to meet you half-way and he's not interested in you anymore because there's no chase, you're not hard to get. Don't give me that BS that women should split the tab and the gas, just to dump me for a hard-to-get woman.

 

Nah... talk to me about meeting half-way when you have gone through pregnancies, birth, abortions, birth control hormones, and all that sh*t. Remind me how unhealthy and expensive condoms are?

Agree, Ruby?

Yep. You said it, RP.

[Sanman]

I see what you mean. I guess a guy who is assertive and suggests meeting halfway is a certain type of guy some girls like. I do notice that he is more masculine looking and sounding and also less 'bubbly' than guys I'm used to. I guess he is just not my type. I think I went through the eharmony process and emailing and phone with him because I thought he was incredibly attractive and has a great career, but I don't think we'd be that great a match.

 

I'm used to dating guys who are adorable, sensitive, thoughtful, etc. This guy may still be those things, but he sure hasn't shown it yet. I think I need the more 'bubbly' type of guy who likes pampering girls...they are the guys who make my heart flutter. Not much hope that things will work out with this date but guess we shall see.

 

I'm sure you are not the only one that thinks this. I was ready to chalk some of this up to more of a traditional vs modern view of dating, but I think it simply what I said in my original comment. This guy likely has more options and doesn't need to try and impress you beyond his looks and job. If you want a guy that pampers you, this probably is not the guy. However, you are likely not going to get the looks and job from a guy that pampers you because most of those guys have fewer options. Just reality.

[chuckles11]

Carhill - I just realized you said the distance was 60 miles...which is kind of far I suppose and sounds like a 1.5 hr drive. In that case, I can understand meeting halfway or partway. But 30 miles really doesnt seem all that far to me....its a 40 minute drive according to google maps. I actually read the eharmony advice about where to meet and it says that ideally a guy who is interested will suggest drive to the girls area instead of meeting halfway.

 

Bottom line, I guess meeting halfway is not a dealbreaker for me but it sure doesnt make me feel better about the guy. I guess my last 3 bfs all treated me like princesses so I'm spoiled. But I guess its a whole new dating world out there where meeting halfway and going dutch is the norm...I dont like it but seems like its reality

 

OP, I think you should ignore the people who are telling you to cancel your date with this guy. They seem more interested in perpetuating the gender wars on this board than giving you meaningful advice.

 

Meeting halfway and going dutch are not at all connected. You are reading far too much into this. He likely just suggested a location halfway because he thought it would be convenient for both of you. I have gone on many dates where the woman drove to my area, and I still paid for those dates.

 

Secondly, if you don't want to drive halfway because you are uncomfortable going to a strange area, call him and tell him that! If he is interested in seeing you, he will be more than happy to change the location to one that is more convenient for you. Don't expect him to guess that you are uncomfortable with the current set up unless you tell him so. It seems like you are testing him when you should be communicating with him.

 

Ultimately, you've got to decide whether you are interested in trying to date this guy or looking for reasons not to date him.

[fishtaco]

I'm with the majority that thinks this is no big deal.

[sanskrit]

So why is it that most of the time you prefer to choose a location near the woman's place?

 

1. Reduces flaking.

2. If I do my job well on a date, the closest place to her bed is the best place to be.

 

I would have no problem driving 120 miles for a date, as long as it was to a cool area and not way out in the boonies, and am not the least bit desperate. Have never actually traveled that far but would think of it as a roadtrip.

[ladyinlimbo]

I live in a smaller city about 30 minutes from a major city. Most guy's I've met through dating sites live in the major city. There have been numerous times I've met a guy who lives in the major city who will suggest we meet and he will tell me about this 'great coffee house' or 'great pub' in his neighborhood and we should meet there. I'm admittedly turned right off and won't meet. Why? Because there are a lot of freaky men on dating sites and a guy with a brain in his head is going to consider a woman's sense of feeling safe and comfortable. I'm going to meet a complete stranger on HIS TURF, 45 minutes from my home? I think not. Next.

 

Now I had one guy who said he'd drive to my city to meet but asked if I'd reimburse him for gas money. He was, how you say, as serious as a heart attack. OMG. Loser. I never ASKED him to come to me, he suggested it, by the way.

 

I like a guy who ASKS ME where I feel would be a good place to meet for the first time. Who ASKS for my input. Who CONSIDERS that although I'm not some frail, feeble female, a woman with any brain is going to consider her safety.........particularly if it includes meeting a complete stranger in an area she's not familiar with. That being said, I would not have a problem meeting someone half-way IF the half-way location was somewhere I felt safe and would know my way around well enough so that if there was any trouble, I would be okay.

 

As for who pays; I never expect a guy to pick up the tab on the first date..........in fact, I consider the first time we meet just that, a "meet and greet." To me it's not a date until we've met and determined there's enough common interest and chemistry to WANT a first date. I don't consider myself a queen just because I have a vagina and I know a guy works just as hard for his money as I do. I don't expect a $150 dinner. Heck, I'm fine with a drink and some appetizers, good conversation, and I'll genuinely give him a $20 or half of whatever I figure the bill came to. The last thing I want a guy to feel is that I'm somehow indebted to him because he bought me a drink. This way, too, if i don't feel the 'click' the poor guy isn't going to feel like he was used for a free drink / snack.

[fortyninethousand322]

I live in a smaller city about 30 minutes from a major city. Most guy's I've met through dating sites live in the major city. There have been numerous times I've met a guy who lives in the major city who will suggest we meet and he will tell me about this 'great coffee house' or 'great pub' in his neighborhood and we should meet there. I'm admittedly turned right off and won't meet. Why? Because there are a lot of freaky men on dating sites and a guy with a brain in his head is going to consider a woman's sense of feeling safe and comfortable. I'm going to meet a complete stranger on HIS TURF, 45 minutes from my home? I think not. Next.

 

Now I had one guy who said he'd drive to my city to meet but asked if I'd reimburse him for gas money. He was, how you say, as serious as a heart attack. OMG. Loser. I never ASKED him to come to me, he suggested it, by the way.

 

I like a guy who ASKS ME where I feel would be a good place to meet for the first time. Who ASKS for my input. Who CONSIDERS that although I'm not some frail, feeble female, a woman with any brain is going to consider her safety.........particularly if it includes meeting a complete stranger in an area she's not familiar with. That being said, I would not have a problem meeting someone half-way IF the half-way location was somewhere I felt safe and would know my way around well enough so that if there was any trouble, I would be okay.

 

As for who pays; I never expect a guy to pick up the tab on the first date..........in fact, I consider the first time we meet just that, a "meet and greet." To me it's not a date until we've met and determined there's enough common interest and chemistry to WANT a first date. I don't consider myself a queen just because I have a vagina and I know a guy works just as hard for his money as I do. I don't expect a $150 dinner. Heck, I'm fine with a drink and some appetizers, good conversation, and I'll genuinely give him a $20 or half of whatever I figure the bill came to. The last thing I want a guy to feel is that I'm somehow indebted to him because he bought me a drink. This way, too, if i don't feel the 'click' the poor guy isn't going to feel like he was used for a free drink / snack.

 

I don't think I would ever go on a date with someone that lived 45 or more minutes away. It's just too much of a hassle.

[ladyinlimbo]

I don't think I would ever go on a date with someone that lived 45 or more minutes away. It's just too much of a hassle.

 

Well when you live near or in a big city, it can take a good 45 min to go from one end to the other (and that's not counting rush hour! lol)....so it's pretty much the norm in this kind of scenario. I myself do prefer someone who lives much closer, for sure.....but not always possible.

[D-Lish]

How about actually meeting him before you plan out how the entire relationship is going to go?

 

Meeting halfway is completely sensible. I'd suggest focusing on the good time you're going to have rather than manufacture issues in your head beforehand.

 

I agree 100%- I don't think suggesting this has any bearing on anything at all. Go on the date, then decide for yourself if he's worth a second.

[RecordProducer]

Well, the decision you men have to obey is as follows:

 

You men rule the business world, but we women rule the sex world, at least here in America. And we rule that you have to kiss our asses to get us in your lives or you we'll be with those who do, not you. And you can give us all your explanations about who drives half-way and who pays what, but if you forgot your wallet (in your pants), you ain't getting anything from us - EVER! Did I make it clear: ever. You only have one chance with us. And feel free to ignore this advice: makes it easier for us to weed out the cheap ones!

[Woggle]

Well, the decision you men have to obey is as follows:

 

You men rule the business world, but we women rule the sex world, at least here in America. And we rule that you have to kiss our asses to get us in your lives or you we'll be with those who do, not you. And you can give us all your explanations about who drives half-way and who pays what, but if you forgot your wallet (in your pants), you ain't getting anything from us - EVER! Did I make it clear: ever. You only have one chance with us. And feel free to ignore this advice: makes it easier for us to weed out the cheap ones!

 

Women are doing better in education than men are and are being hit less by the recession so they will be doing just as well in business. This is not the old days anymore where a woman had to use sex to get by so the old gender rules no longer apply.

 

Also when I was a player between marriages I barely spent a dime on a woman and got tons of action. Most men I know who get tons of action are the same way.

[Pyro]

Men hate the chase. We actually prefer things to be as drama free as possible. We love a normal and healthy relationship with no games. A woman who expects a man to make all the effort is one with a princess mentality and in my country we left the monarchy behind in England so there are no princesses.

 

something we agree on.

 

This guy agreeing to meet halfway sounds like that type of guy you mentioned.

[musemaj11]

Well, the decision you men have to obey is as follows:

 

You men rule the business world, but we women rule the sex world, at least here in America. And we rule that you have to kiss our asses to get us in your lives or you we'll be with those who do, not you. And you can give us all your explanations about who drives half-way and who pays what, but if you forgot your wallet (in your pants), you ain't getting anything from us - EVER! Did I make it clear: ever. You only have one chance with us. And feel free to ignore this advice: makes it easier for us to weed out the cheap ones!

Very social darwinistic and true nonetheless.

 

Young beautiful women should take advantage of their brief beauty just like successful men should take advantage of his status by not getting married which limits his options and put his success at risk when he can afford to have all the women in the world with no commitment as a bachelor.

 

Generally women have from 18 to around 28 as their golden age while men are usually most desirable from around 25 to around 45.

 

In a way women have made a pact with the devil that in return for the promise of exquisite beauty, their window to this world of lavish male attention is woefully brief.

 

I have no problem with women who realize that they have limited time to be desirable and they want to take advantage of it. What I have problem with is women who wont admit that they are taking advantage of people and instead making stupid excuses like, "He has to pay and drive because i have to go through a lot before going on a date yada... yada...". Dumb.

Edited May 14, 2011 by musemaj11

[Velociraptor]

And we rule that you have to kiss our asses to get us in your lives or you we'll be with those who do, not you.

 

Confirms my thoughts that women aren't really intrested in men at all.(except for the ego boost).

[Pyro]

Confirms my thoughts that women aren't really intrested in men at all.(except for the ego boost).

 

oh wow. One woman thinks that way on here and now ALL women are not interested in men?

[musemaj11]

oh wow. One woman thinks that way on here and now ALL women are not interested in men?

RecordProducer is actually the norm, not the exception.

[chuckles11]

Well, the decision you men have to obey is as follows:

 

You men rule the business world, but we women rule the sex world, at least here in America. And we rule that you have to kiss our asses to get us in your lives or you we'll be with those who do, not you. And you can give us all your explanations about who drives half-way and who pays what, but if you forgot your wallet (in your pants), you ain't getting anything from us - EVER! Did I make it clear: ever. You only have one chance with us. And feel free to ignore this advice: makes it easier for us to weed out the cheap ones!

 

Just as I thought. Your posts had nothing to do with the OP. You were just trolling.