Is it over?

[jaymz]

You can tell her to stop telling you what she is or isn't doing.

 

If you don't want to hear about her social life then tell her so!

 

Good job on the prior situation of not feeding into her drama that she intends to tell you about. She does it so you might fix it.

 

That's for HER to do.

 

I have done but it doesn't stop her. Don't really want to make a big issue of it as she is the type to make it worse if she thinks it affects me.

 

Thanks. I do get there sometimes

[jaymz]

Stop thinking such negative thoughts... They do manifest as negative energy growing bigger.

 

Think positive thoughts and take action on THAT! Look for other jobs now!

 

Yep, you are quite right. The job was out of the blue anyway, so I shouldn't be too bothered.

 

Am doing some more qualifications at work so wasn't looking anyway. CV is now updated and I will be looking in the summer.

[Steen719]

Jay,

I go as little contact as possible, but when son is here and sees his dad, its hard to not know it...oh well, it is what it is. I think the saying is living well is the best revenge is right, difficult to manage, but the best way and that forgiveness helps you get there. I pray to forgive my XH and myself both and I think that eventually, that will set me free from the pain. I wish that for you, too. I also think forgiveness is easier when time has passed.

 

I used to work for the federal gov't and many times, they announced positions, all the while knowing they were going to take from within. I don't know if they were trying to see who else was out there or they had to announce outside to fulfill regulations. I know that was hard for the people who applied, but it was a fact. Good luck, something will come along. I'll keep a positive thought going your way....what is one more? lol

[jaymz]

sea or river or lake ???

 

???????????????????????????????????????

[jwi71]

Feel for ya - I lived exactly what the last two or pages are.

 

Great job on the boundaries. It's her life and her mess for her to settle. Not your problem anymore. My xWW was and still is like that. I'm afraid this behavior of hers won't ready change. Just enforce your boundaries.

 

If you are not in IC, go. That was the single biggest and best step I took for myself.

Also consider putting the kids in therapy as well.

 

Man, I really feel got you. I even lost my job like a month before I filed.

It does get better. It does.

 

Do have a fling or twenty.

Ok, maybe those were the best things I did

 

Put yourself and the kids first. You have a new marathon to run - and the cLocks ticking. Your xWW and her OM are not likely to last. My xWW went about two years with hers before it imploded (she even blamed me for it- ha!). It will affect your kids (hence the need for therapy now). I would suggest not being her therapist or punching bag when it happens, her loss and her mess to sort.

 

For now, new job, new clothes, new life. Enjoy both the time with your kids and without.

 

I do promise you'll be happy again. That your xWW won't really matter in your life and your happiness.

 

It took me about 5 years to get here.

I have a good job

An amazing GF.

A new house.

Happy kids.

Happy me.

And my xW...just the occasional speed bump. She affects me like a rude driver - annoyed for a few minutes than quickly forgotten.

[jaymz]

We men CAN multi task ...cant we???

 

Sure: Breathing, thinking about naked women and self abusing at the same time counts as multi-tasking?

[jaymz]

I do promise you'll be happy again. That your xWW won't really matter in your life and your happiness.

 

Thanks dude. Slowly getting there.

[Steen719]

real sllllloooooooww

 

It's OK, Jay. It takes time, right? You are going in the right direction, so you'll get there when you get there? Didn't someone tell us that it is the journey?

[jaymz]

real sllllloooooooww

 

Rome wasn't built in a day.

[jaymz]

It's OK, Jay. It takes time, right? You are going in the right direction, so you'll get there when you get there? Didn't someone tell us that it is the journey?

 

You wont get over 15/22 years overnight. The main thing is us going in the right direction, that counts, and the journey? Takes longer for some but as long as we get to the destination and understand the journey...that's what is important.

[silvermane187]

Dear Jaymz,

 

You're awesome and I love you as a person.

[jaymz]

Hi ho silver. Not been on chat for a while. Hows things with you buddy?

[silvermane187]

Not too bad on my end. Hop in one night and say hi.

[jaymz]

Yesterday walking home from work I was a mess and looked like a drowned rat, who drives past looking like they are on their way out? Yep the STBXW and scumbag. I was most annoyed.

 

This morning I walked to work and was looking great in the new suit I bought and the slim fit shirt, who drives past looking like crap? Yep the STBXW and scumbag. I was pleased.

 

Cant wait to move away so I dont have this up and down anymore

[jaymz]

Just received call from conveyancer, all gone through and they want to complete the house sale on the 3rd may! I asked if we could push it back to the 9th to give me a chance to get time off work!!!

 

Woohooo!!!

[jaymz]

Last night the agent called, the buyer needs to complete by the 3rd otherwise his mortgage goes up 2% and he has to pay a £5k redemption charge.

 

Currently negotiating completing on the 3rd but me staying until the 9th so I can actually move out. FUN!

[jaymz]

Bought the car today. Kids loved it but I told them that it owned by someone else, I don't have an asset in my name... Naughty I know but I dont want to be 100% fleeced by my STBXW.

 

In the car on the way back the kids asked if they car was owned by my girlfriend, I said I didnt have one, they said I should get a nice one that wont dump me!

 

Out of the mouth of babes.

[Steen719]

Bought the car today. Kids loved it but I told them that it owned by someone else, I don't have an asset in my name... Naughty I know but I dont want to be 100% fleeced by my STBXW.

 

In the car on the way back the kids asked if they car was owned by my girlfriend, I said I didnt have one, they said I should get a nice one that wont dump me!

 

Out of the mouth of babes.

 

Glad things are going better for you.

 

Years ago, when my XH cheated and was leaving us, my son was 7 years old. I took him with me when I went shopping and we were in the dressing rooms. He was in the dressing room with me (turned around, of course) and he asked me if I was going to get married again. I said, no, I didn't think I would ever get married again. He asked me if that was because I didn't want to marry someone and have them leave me like his dad did. OMG, I wish you could have heard the giggles from the other dressing rooms. I had to laugh, too.

 

Interesting that your kids equated "nice" with someone who would not dump you....pretty astute!

 

Good for you about the house. Do you have another place picked out?

[robf1971]

they said I should get a nice one that wont dump me!

 

Out of the mouth of babes.

 

I think your STBx is going to have serious relationship problems with your kids in years to come.

[worlybear]

Hey Jaymz- I think you're really doing well!!

I don't post on here much now but I still like to keep in touch with all my virtual buddies-

I'm further down the line than you, now divorced (a bitter 2+ yrs court fight) after 28 yrs together and 5 kids and I thought my life was over .

 

But d'you know something?

 

It's not!!!:)

 

Hang in there!

[jaymz]

I think your STBx is going to have serious relationship problems with your kids in years to come.

 

Probably. She has an odd relationship with her parents and basically just uses them as a baby sitter and for money... hmmm, sounds familiar??

[jaymz]

Hey Jaymz- I think you're really doing well!!

I don't post on here much now but I still like to keep in touch with all my virtual buddies-

I'm further down the line than you, now divorced (a bitter 2+ yrs court fight) after 28 yrs together and 5 kids and I thought my life was over .

 

But d'you know something?

 

It's not!!!:)

 

Hang in there!

 

Thanks worlybear, you should post an update and let us all know whats been going on and how things are better now. Its always great for those still on the rollercoaster to see that it does stop and you can step off the bloody thing!!

 

Glad you are doing well!

[jaymz]

House exchanged yesterday and should complete on Thursday... I have until the 10th to move out of the house, scarey stuff!!

 

Text the STBXW yesterday to let her know the dates, she did call me while I was in a meeting but left no message.

 

Going to take Thursday and Friday off this week and probably Monday to Wednesday next week, gotta move out now!

 

I have a date Thursday evening with the girl (woman) I met at a friends wedding in april, I am so nervous, I feel like a teenager again! Hope I am not boring and **** it up!!!!

[jaymz]

An update

 

House: The buyer staled due to another query so we will complete on 10th next week. So have taken some time off to go through my stuff, organise removal company and start cancelling the utilities etc.

 

This morning the STBXW came around with scumbag to start going through the loft and sort out what bits we were keeping or throwing away. I thought i would be uncomfortable but despite her being all dressed up I wasn't actually interested in her at all, I didn't feel anything.

 

When we started going through the stuff, there was a lot of things to do with our wedding, lots of gifts I had bought her over the years etc, I was enjoying the good memories they brought back but nothing else. I did feel sorry for scumbag as she was showing him all this stuff, and some things she pulled out she would have a big grin on her face remembering the shared memory. I knew then that she had not changed one bit, she still only thought of herself.

 

At some point they had run out of time and it was clear there is loads more to do, so she is coming round Sunday evening and we will go through the rest of it then.

 

The Date: The date seemed to go well. I enjoyed her company and the conversation flowed all evening except for an occasional pause but no awkward silences. When I picked her up she looked a million dollars and came running out to the car, I barely had enough time to jump out, say hello and open the car door for her! There was a 30 minute drive to the restaurant where we talked about her job etc. then 3 hour meal and a 30 minute drive back to her mum's place. She kissed me on the cheek goodbye, then sent me a text later saying she got home safe, had a lovely evening and it was her treat next time!

 

So hopefully it went well!

[Steen719]

An update

 

House: The buyer staled due to another query so we will complete on 10th next week. So have taken some time off to go through my stuff, organise removal company and start cancelling the utilities etc.

This morning the STBXW came around with scumbag to start going through the loft and sort out what bits we were keeping or throwing away. I thought i would be uncomfortable but despite her being all dressed up I wasn't actually interested in her at all, I didn't feel anything.

 

When we started going through the stuff, there was a lot of things to do with our wedding, lots of gifts I had bought her over the years etc, I was enjoying the good memories they brought back but nothing else. I did feel sorry for scumbag as she was showing him all this stuff, and some things she pulled out she would have a big grin on her face remembering the shared memory. I knew then that she had not changed one bit, she still only thought of herself.

 

At some point they had run out of time and it was clear there is loads more to do, so she is coming round Sunday evening and we will go through the rest of it then.

 

The Date: The date seemed to go well. I enjoyed her company and the conversation flowed all evening except for an occasional pause but no awkward silences. When I picked her up she looked a million dollars and came running out to the car, I barely had enough time to jump out, say hello and open the car door for her! There was a 30 minute drive to the restaurant where we talked about her job etc. then 3 hour meal and a 30 minute drive back to her mum's place. She kissed me on the cheek goodbye, then sent me a text later saying she got home safe, had a lovely evening and it was her treat next time!

 

So hopefully it went well!

 

How absolutely awesome for you. Cross my fingers for you that continues. I bet once the house is gone and you are settled, your life will continue to improve every day.

 

It sounds to me as if she had a nice time and definitely wants to see you again. Woo-hoo:bunny: