AHardDaysNight Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Look open the door, personality keeps it open. So yeah, I agree with somedude. Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 @somedude Exactly what i'm talking about -- you need something to open the door. On a positive note: At least we have our sis to keep the family tree going - she has a boyfriend. My 4 bros are sitting single and they are way better looking that I am - just shows what chance I've got lol I'm not that bitter about it though. Just wish things had been different though -- better looks etc Link to post Share on other sites
Floridaman Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 (edited) I am really ugly and I don't have anything, fame nor money, to entice women, to get things kick-started, then maybe she could learn to love me. What makes you think such negative thoughts? You may better consider yourself "plain" or "ordinary" rather than "ugly" or "unappealing." Seriously doubt you're the latter two. Am not sayin' you're any of the above. Methinks you're overly critical of your looks, talents, personality, etc. Edited October 18, 2011 by Floridaman Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 @Floridaman You have no idea how ugly I am lol I don't mind being ugly but society is rather mean to them - they're despised everywhere. A guy once made a good point about fat people - that if anything they should be hated more because it's their fault they're fat. I don't think we should hate on anyone based on appearance but he does make a valid point because obese people are generally accepted more. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Post your picture so we can decide... Link to post Share on other sites
Floridaman Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 (edited) Post your picture so we can decide... Was gonna suggest that myself. However, as someone might feel nervous posting a pic of themselves, even if in an anonymous photobucket accout, it might be better if he posted a link to a pic of some guy he thinks looks like him. Like an actor, sports star, etc. that has the same general looks. My anonymous pics are linked to in my acct., so can easily remove. Edited October 18, 2011 by Floridaman Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Sorry but no can do. Photos for public display is just not my thing. Ugly people just aren't socially accepted. The world is deceptive, you see famous Sumo stars and whanot with active lives (some close to 800 pounds and totally ugly, walking on beaches and blah blah) and you go 'Look they have active lives. I guess it must be a confidence thing after all'. Wrong! That's only because of their status. Most people view you differently when you're famous. Different for ordinary people -- people (I mean lots of people) always look to bring you down! Link to post Share on other sites
Floridaman Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 (edited) Sorry but no can do. Photos for public display is just not my thing. Ugly people just aren't socially accepted. The world is deceptive, you see famous Sumo stars and whanot with active lives (some close to 800 pounds and totally ugly, walking on beaches and blah blah) and you go 'Look they have active lives. I guess it must be a confidence thing after all'. Wrong! That's only because of their status. Most people view you differently when you're famous. Different for ordinary people -- people (I mean lots of people) always look to bring you down! Can you compare what you think you look like to someone famous? Like an athlete or business tycoon? We don't need photos of you (I didn't suggest you post any) but if you say you look like Keith Richards, one of the guitarists for The Rolling Stones , one of the KISS guys, Johnny Cash, Jerry Lee Lewis... Some might say those guys are not "great looking." Or point to some other celebrity, that might work. **Reason I'm pressing you on this, I don't think you're anywhere close to being as "ugly" as you posted. Methinks you're more "plain" or "average-looking," which is fine. Even if you aren't so great looking (who really cares, anyway?), there are less-attractive women out there and women who aren't so hung-up on looks. Think about it. If some of those women, the ones some would call "plain" or "unattractive," if they never get in relationships with the "good looking" guys, wouldn't they too look more to other men? Edited October 18, 2011 by Floridaman Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I dunno, but I have become totally envious of what some celebrities are able to do. It makes me start arguments on forums. You have no idea what it's like, you play it down, life is like a nightmare, people everwhere are absolutely ****ing horrible to you. It's like people everwhere have no conscience but only towards you. I saw a former Sumo on E (the E celebrity channel) 3 or 4 years back, he was walking on some beach, half naked and it made me feel pissed that he was able to do that The whole thing is just deceptive, people are deceptive Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I'll elaborate further My little sis was there watching this with us. Now my sis usually judges people (not to their faces but she does judge people), she would put it on those reality Cop shows and laugh at some of the ordinary dudes for silly things like having long hair. But she was there with us watching that former Sumo walk along some beach but strangly never uttered a word. People view famous people differently and it makes me envious Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Maybe if you would stop hanging around people who so easily judge others by their looks, you'd stop believing that the rest of us are doing it to YOU. You remind me of people who sabotage their chance at a job because they fear doing poorly; that way, hey, they were out to get me fired anyway! Had nothing to do with me! Link to post Share on other sites
binny Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 @binny Agreed? That is Internet clap trap and you know it. If anything, it is we men that 'appear' to care less about looks because we are much more diverse. But it only appears this way because we are much more diverse (Bbw anyone?). Everyone cares about looks and women care about looks just as much as we men do. It is we men that 'appear' to care less about looks: http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/ssbbw/1 But only 'appear' Where are all the fat men sites for women? Where is your evidence that women care less about looks? I don't have any evidence that women care less. All I can say is, I'm a woman and looks are not something that I would rate as important when deciding whether to date someone. I do believe you need to have an attraction to someone but for me a big part of that attraction will come from a guys personality. If a guy has a good personality I really don't care what he looks like. But that's just me, everyone is different so I can't tell you that every woman out there is the same as me. But there are quite a few women out there who are. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are several celebrities that a lot of women think are insanely good looking but I don't find them that good looking. Have you tried identifying your good features? Everyone has a couple of good features and most people identify them and try to highlight them in someway. Some people have a beautiful smile, others gorgeous eyes, etc What would you say are your good features? (I don't want to see you reply with "I have none" ) Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 @turnera I never said you were like that. I just hate how deceptive people are. I'll give an example: A beautiful person will go around and perceive most people to be good, seemingly unaware (or selfishly unaware) that the world around them seems nice because of their looks, because they fit in to a world obsessed with outer beauty. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 No one said pretty people don't have it easier. That's precisely why I taught my daughter to date NOT-pretty people cos they're likely nicer. But she is pretty, had a modeling contract. And she is nothing like that. Just like you say pretty people are snobs, you're being a snob about THEM. You're letting your own self-hatred color what you assume you know about others. Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 No I am not, you're just putting words in my mouth. To hell with dating, I just want to be treated like a regular person, but 'most' people just point-blank refuse to look past my appearance. You can see the sinisterism behind their hate or ignoring a mile away. The world is horrid for people like us. But then you see these celebrities of all shapes and sizes getting praise for being nice on the inside. You see all these models (pretty people) praising them. It makes me angry because this 'nice on the inside' bull**** clearly only applies to people of high status. The hate system is totally hypoctical. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I feel sorry for you. Not for what you look like, but for the way you have convinced yourself that you KNOW what other people think. If you go through life with that belief, you're going to be lonely indeed. And it will be all your fault. Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Why would anyone make this up? Are you from the US? All I know for a fact (don't play down how tough life is for us) is that I live in a society where people obsess over outer beauty - by that I mean looks are required to 'fit in' or most people treat you like crap - you're left an outcast. At least admit that. I've been bullied in 3 towns. During my school years these guys & girls use to humiliate me every single day. I remember what the girl use to say 'Will you ever have a girlfriend?'. I've been hated soley on appearance all my life. Going to other places made no difference - same result -- some politely ignored me (the nice ones that just don't want to be seen with me) and most mocked/hated on me. It's so bad that I don't have to work anymore. Yes, my government believes me and I've been on disability allowance since 16 (straight after I left school. I'm now in my 30s) Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Thank God I have lots of brothers. Outside life is void - only a few male friends. Female friends are out of the question -- been all over and I haven't came across any females that can look past my appearace. I'm in my 30s and still looking Link to post Share on other sites
Author AKollegeGuy Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 I've been seeing my councilor for a while now and I've been taking my anti-depressants but so far I haven't seen much of a change except sleeping a lot more. It's a side effect, but its getting annoying feeling drossy nearly all day. I've noticed some things about my life now. I've been more sociable, I even went to a Halloween party in my dorm and won third place in the costume party. I've also gone bowling with guys on my floor from time to time and I've been working on my thesis that's starting to look promising. So I'm recognizing the good. I still feel bitter and alone a lot though. I want that to go away so I can finally get a romantic/sexual life. My councilor says I seem to have a reflexive loathing attitude toward couples I see or women. He wants me to go to a group counseling session to better harness my social skills. And he wants me to go see a psychiatrist to help me get through this. I find myself going through the internet, looking at dating sites, swinger/sex sites, even foreign bride sites, seeing if there might be a way to quell my loneliness of female companionship. I know I'm still young, but I feel that I'm so far behind in the terms of relations with the opposite sex that I fear I'll never catch up. I'm also been thinking about death and suicide, more than I should. I hope its just a side effect of the AD. I just don't know what to think about myself anymore. Am I happy with what I have? Am I putting too much emphasis on this girlfriend thing? I'm just so confused on what I should do to get my priorities straight. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 I know exactly what you are going through. Unfortunately, I have no words of encouragement to offer. This sh*t sucks, no doubt about it. Hopefully you are able to find a way out. Link to post Share on other sites
Floridaman Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 (edited) I still feel bitter and alone a lot though. I want that to go away so I can finally get a romantic/sexual life. My councilor says I seem to have a reflexive loathing attitude toward couples I see or women. He wants me to go to a group counseling session to better harness my social skills. And he wants me to go see a psychiatrist to help me get through this. That sounds like a good idea and could help you better interact with other people. I find myself going through the internet, looking at dating sites, swinger/sex sites, even foreign bride sites, seeing if there might be a way to quell my loneliness of female companionship. The first one is fine, maybe even the foreign bride sites, but you should stay away from the swinger/sex sites. Aside from the moral issues, those aren't your kind of people. You're not a player and don't need to cloud your mind with the kind of images those sites likely provide. I know I'm still young, but I feel that I'm so far behind in the terms of relations with the opposite sex that I fear I'll never catch up. I'm also been thinking about death and suicide, more than I should. I hope its just a side effect of the AD. 25 is NOT too young !! That's the age I awoke and started dating more seriously. Made it a big focus, tried approaching more women and did my best to have a date every weekend. Got involved in a church singles group and met that 30 y.o. virgin I ALMOST got engaged to (posted about that). Also got my first heartbreak after 6 mos. of dating her. I just don't know what to think about myself anymore. Am I happy with what I have? Am I putting too much emphasis on this girlfriend thing? I'm just so confused on what I should do to get my priorities straight. You could be putting too much emphasis, but I personally wouldn't worry about that. Don't let your desperate desire for a relationship consume your life. That is, don't wear your loneliness and desperation on your sleeve. Women go for confident guys who seem to have their lives together and are comfortable with their life and others'. Instead of worrying about things and your loneliness (I've been where you are), try to focus that energy on seeking women through -religious singles groups, -other singles groups, -activities where you may meet more women, ....and get more socially involved with your friends of both sexes. The reason I recommend doing things with friends, one of your guy friends may bring a sister, female cousin or female friend to an activity or dinner that may be someone you could date. At a dinner after work with some business colleagues, I noticed a woman sitting next to a female colleague. So I approached her and started conversation. @29, that snagged me a 3 month relationship, so such things can happen. Blind dates are also good, so see if your friends could introduce you to women they think might be good for you to date. Edited October 25, 2011 by Floridaman Link to post Share on other sites
Author AKollegeGuy Posted October 31, 2011 Author Share Posted October 31, 2011 My doctor who prescribed me the Antidepressants sent me to see a psychiatrist to get a second opinion or something. The reasoning escapes me at the moment. He thinks I have a mild form of Aspersers, but I disagree since I'm not that bad at social events. My councilor says I just have a social phobia. Anyways, the psychiatrist gave me anti-anxiety pills. I hope I can change his mind next time I see him. The good news is that the edge that once drove me to chronic depression and anxiety is gone. It's nice not feeling like i need to go out and get a girl right this second or it'll never happen. But the side effects are whooping my ass. I'm sleeping almost 10 hours a day and I don't feel happy just...there. Better than the alternative but I guess I got swept up in the idea about 'happy pills'. Still a step in the right direction. I'm thinking about getting a 'Life coach' or something like that since I'm so clueless about social interactions and getting past the 'small talk' phase with people. Courtship is a huge mystery to me. (Plus referring to romance as 'courtship' just shows how geeky I can truly be.) I'm still battling some demons, but I like to think I'm getting better. Link to post Share on other sites
Floridaman Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I'm thinking about getting a 'Life coach' or something like that since I'm so clueless about social interactions and getting past the 'small talk' phase with people. Courtship is a huge mystery to me. (Plus referring to romance as 'courtship' just shows how geeky I can truly be.) I'm still battling some demons, but I like to think I'm getting better. Good to hear you're getting better. On the Life Coach, that may help, but for now, read some books or visit some websites on dating and forming relationships. Not talking about the PUA material. Also, take a look at this thread for tips on how to meet women and what to say to them once you get into their space for conversation. _For those who can't get dates in their late 20s, 30s and 40s http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t269779/ Have linked to that thread I started in other threads, so not sure if you've seen it, College Guy. It's a compilation of many posts I read from shy guys like you who were scared to approach women or didn't know what to say when they got close to one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AKollegeGuy Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 (edited) My psychiatrist educated me on Asperger’s Syndrome. Basically he says I have difficulties reading body language or a person’s mood. AS also makes it hard for those to make social connections or feel comfortable in social situations. They get extremely interested in certain things that grab their attention, such as a field of study or hobby. They like to ramble or monologue because they can’t tell if someone is bored or interested with their conversation or if they want to chime in with something so they keep talking. It’s thought of as a form of ‘highly functioning autism’ but its not really a fact or something to that extent. I’m not real sure if I agree with his diagnosis, but a lot of what he described reminds me of my father. He’s a workaholic, has no friends, barely spends time with me or my mom, and can talk for hours if you let him. My psychiatrist says it can be ‘passed on’ in family’s but like I said, I’m not sure if I believe him. On another note, my councilor thinks that I need to work my social muscle a bit, but lately I haven’t the energy anymore. I don’t know if it’s the pills but I find myself indifferent. Aloof. Just not caring anymore. Not just about finding a girlfriend or getting out more, but also about my thesis work, video games, even my writing which is my favorite hobby. Days just come and go. There’s no more amazement for me. No joy. I also get sad sometimes for no reason. Not weepy sad, just drained sad. I’m starting to worry not just about my social life but also about my life in general. I’m going to graduate with a master’s degree soon (finger’s crossed) and no clue on what to do with my life. I’ve also been toying around with ending my life in a few years if I don’t become the man I want to be. I know it sounds like I’m going overboard or this is just a cry for attention, but I don’t want to grow up like one of those social rejects or losers. Someone who’s the butt of jokes because he’s seen as goofy, shy, weird, and creepy. I don’t want to become a joke. Edited November 17, 2011 by AKollegeGuy Link to post Share on other sites
FredRutherford Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I’ve also been toying around with ending my life in a few years if I don’t become the man I want to be. I know it sounds like I’m going overboard or this is just a cry for attention, but I don’t want to grow up like one of those social rejects or losers. Someone who’s the butt of jokes because he’s seen as goofy, shy, weird, and creepy. I don’t want to become a joke. Please tell me you're not seriously considering something that extreme. Am surprised someone else didn't catch this sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
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