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25 year old virgin


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somedude81

But if you don't flirt or try to get sexual with with her, there will be no difference between her and a male friend.

 

I don't remember the OP's situation, but if it's anything like mine, he doesn't have any problem making female friends.

 

The real problem is, failing to express a sexual desire for a person either from being too scared to do so, or just no knowing how. If women don't feel that from you after a certain amount of time, you become her new brother.

 

I've heard that men make the decision if they are sexually attracted to a woman or not within the first 7 seconds he sees her, or something like that. And after that decision is made, it doesn't change.
Really? Cause I've heard that used to describe women. Men have been known to sleep with girls they are not attracted to.

I don't know if that is true or not. I DO know that women can go back and forth from feeling that a guy is only a friend to having a giant crush and back again at a drop of a dime.
I question that too. Most often I've seen that a girl may be interested in a guy, and it's very easy to kill that interest, and it will never come back.
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Got a buddy whos a 29 year old virgin and hes angry about it. Hes a bitter dude takes it out on the world. He goes after younger girls because he doesnt feel he can compete with chicks our age. They also dont intimidate him. He will be a 40 yr old virgin, no question. The reason is because hes closed down, decided already its game over. Self fulfilling prophesy. Hes more bitter everyday. Alienates people. Fear biter you know. Hes a sad dude.

So watch saying stuff like youll be alone forever. Dont even toy with the idea. Its more damaging than you know.

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AKG,

 

I can relate to how you're feeling, and I'm 33. I've always been able to make friends with women, but never take it anywhere else for various reasons. I've had opportunities, because I enjoy flirting with women, but when it escalated to the possibility of intercourse; I jumped back. For me, I feel intercourse is an act of complete trust and intimacy. As such, I need to open my heart to women. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to do such yet.

 

The important thing is that you don't feel pressure to have sex. It will happen for you when you are ready. Each of us goes through things in life in our own times, and you can't let media images, society, or other influences dictate how you feel.

 

In a previous post in this thread, you questioned why would a woman fall for you. That you're not important, sexy, or your accomplishments don't mean much. That is a MAJOR roadblock. I say this from personal experience. It is self-defeating. It is important to focus on your positive qualities, and work from there. Keep telling yourself each day your positive qualities. You may find your confidence will start to slowly grow, and in turn, that will start to come off in your interactions.

 

If you are out and about, and see a women you're interested in, try talking to her. If you develop a connection with her, start being flirty. Tease her a little (don't neg her too much). Make her feel good.

 

It's not an easy process to overcome any self-doubt and negative self-image, but take it one step at a time. You're aware of where you are at in this game, and that's important. Once again, don't feel rushed into having sex. Do it when it feels right to you, and no one else (besides the partner of course).

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LeaningIntoTheMuse

I can definitely relate to this. It seems like I'll never conquer my self esteem issues, and I'll end up a 90 year old virgin, alone and on the streets.

 

I don't see myself ever having sex with a girl, simply because I'm not attractive as I am. And unless I work at my body, that won't change.

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I can definitely relate to this. It seems like I'll never conquer my self esteem issues, and I'll end up a 90 year old virgin, alone and on the streets.

 

I don't see myself ever having sex with a girl, simply because I'm not attractive as I am. And unless I work at my body, that won't change.

 

Changing the shape youre in will make a big difference. Im not happy with how I look right now but growing up I realized the power of being optimistic setting a goal and following it. Gaining weight, losing weight whatever it is you want to do is achievable. People do it everyday. Good luck man.

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TheFamilyMan

self confidence is key! do whatever you have to do to build up your self confidence and start casually meeting girls! the whole thing is one big psychologic mess hahahaha but it's by no means impossible for anyone! find your self-worth and get to work! you will have to fall on your face a hundred times before you find success but that's how it is for most guys. become really good friends with a woman, strictly platonic and never try anything, and make it clear you guys are only friends, unless it turns out otherwise, and she'll be able to help you way more than 99% of guys on the forum or friends! good luck!

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TheFamilyMan
I can definitely relate to this. It seems like I'll never conquer my self esteem issues, and I'll end up a 90 year old virgin, alone and on the streets.

 

I don't see myself ever having sex with a girl, simply because I'm not attractive as I am. And unless I work at my body, that won't change.

 

you need to change your attitude! if you feel like your body needs work then dedicate the time and energy to it, i'll tell you from my experience, it's never going to happen unless you TRULY want it and are dedicated to it! like i said in my previous post, you need to find your self-worth, which everyone has, and start convincing yourself that you're capable of meeting a girl, trust me, i know and have seen plenty of guys with women that absolutely blow my mind. You'll be fine just start doing things that build up your self-esteem and create a perception for yourself, even if you're faking it at first, you'll become who you want to become! start with your clothing and body and you'll immediately see a difference in yourself emotionally/self-esteem wise. Get to work!

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HeartShineGirl
I’m a 25 year old virgin, as the title says. At first I just didn’t go after women because I believed that I would eventually find the right girl for me. After 25 years, I realized that was not going to work. Now I’m in my last leg of Graduate school with no girlfriend, no sex life, and no clue how to get those things. My first kiss was from a girl that was guilted into it and so far the only girl that ever flirted with me was just using me to make my friend jealous.

 

It seems everywhere I go there’s sex and it’s starting to get to me. Once I was roommates with three guys from the hockey team and they had their girlfriends practically living with us. Next thing I know, they’re having sex in their rooms with paper thin walls and in the shower. It made me extremely uncomfortable. I also have friends who practically brag about their sex life to me and it gets aggravating to hear how everyone I know is getting laid and I’m still ‘the virgin’. One of my friends even told me that he and his girlfriend are now swingers.

 

Over the past few years I’ve noticed I’m growing more and more irritable and cynical. I seize up when put into stressful situations. If I feel that I offended someone or made them uncomfortable I have to go out of my way to apologize or see if they really are offended, otherwise I feel very nervous and guilty and get physically ill. My friends have noticed that I am getting tense and wound up. A girlfriend of a friend once told me that I need to get laid, but I find it odd that I have to get laid to loosen up to get laid.

 

Recently, I’m almost feeling hopeless and desperate, but I don’t talk about it because no one likes a whiner or a desperate virgin. The littlest things set me off, seeing sexually related stuff, hearing about sex, even when a couple kiss or when a girl caresses a guy I suddenly feel tense and get a knot in my stomach. My roommate says I have the soul of a bitter old man.

 

People tell me to go out more and talk to women and be more confident, but how? Where does the confidence come from? And how do I talk to them? I can talk to women, but not in terms of flirting or romance. I feel that I missed out on so much of my life and that I’m passed my prime. I don’t want to be ‘the virgin’ when I hit 30. I really need help. A few times I had accepted the fact that I’ll be alone forever.

 

Hi. First off, I have known many men that stayed virgins way past age 30. You're not alone. Also, I think for most of these men, it was the fact that they were very shy, and late bloomers in their early teens. When all the other 15 year old boys were trying to get a kiss, or a girlfriend you were probably still doing other things and not concerned with that. When 18 year olds were trying to get laid, you were probably just starting to think about "first kiss" and by then all the girls were looking for the guys wanting to get laid, not for the guys with the first kiss. By the time 21 comes around, many of those guys have already had the first kiss, the touching, the sex, and more than once, they're confident and past the shy stage, and now here you are, still shy. Is this pretty much how you are feeling? Like you got left out somewhere?

 

It's probably not going to make you feel much better to tell you this but the biggest problem is that you are at an age where everyone else in your peer group has already had sex thus you are naturally going to feel left out, but that does not mean that there is something wrong with you. Okay? It just means you were not ready or you didn't find that person that was meant for you to connect with. By this I mean someone who was a good fit for you in personality- the type that leads to relationships.

 

My best advice is this; treasure yourself, do not think negatively about not having had sex yet, and start surrounding yourself with people who you feel more comfortable with. There are lots of nice girls out there that you can chose from to be friends with and trust to talk to. You don't need to have sex to lighten up so that you can have more sex. What that means really is once you have sex it wont be such a big deal anymore and you will find your confidence to kiss and flirt. That's not always the case, trust me.

 

Just relax, find yourself, and what you love to do, get away from those people who are sex addicts and rubbing it in your face.

 

You just haven't found the right person yet that makes you feel comfortable, that's all.

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somedude81
Hi. First off, I have known many men that stayed virgins way past age 30. You're not alone. Also, I think for most of these men, it was the fact that they were very shy, and late bloomers in their early teens. When all the other 15 year old boys were trying to get a kiss, or a girlfriend you were probably still doing other things and not concerned with that. When 18 year olds were trying to get laid, you were probably just starting to think about "first kiss" and by then all the girls were looking for the guys wanting to get laid, not for the guys with the first kiss. By the time 21 comes around, many of those guys have already had the first kiss, the touching, the sex, and more than once, they're confident and past the shy stage, and now here you are, still shy. Is this pretty much how you are feeling? Like you got left out somewhere?

 

It's probably not going to make you feel much better to tell you this but the biggest problem is that you are at an age where everyone else in your peer group has already had sex thus you are naturally going to feel left out, but that does not mean that there is something wrong with you. Okay? It just means you were not ready or you didn't find that person that was meant for you to connect with. By this I mean someone who was a good fit for you in personality- the type that leads to relationships.

 

My best advice is this; treasure yourself, do not think negatively about not having had sex yet, and start surrounding yourself with people who you feel more comfortable with. There are lots of nice girls out there that you can chose from to be friends with and trust to talk to. You don't need to have sex to lighten up so that you can have more sex. What that means really is once you have sex it wont be such a big deal anymore and you will find your confidence to kiss and flirt. That's not always the case, trust me.

 

Just relax, find yourself, and what you love to do, get away from those people who are sex addicts and rubbing it in your face.

 

You just haven't found the right person yet that makes you feel comfortable, that's all.

Wow, you are very perceptive.

 

Your description and cause of being a late-bloomer is spot on. Hell, I didn't get my first kiss till 23 and that was only with a girl I "dated" for two weeks. I'm 29 now and haven't kissed a girl sense then. Though I'm not a virgin because I used other methods to get sex.

 

It's one reason why I'm only interested in girls 19-22. Girls my age expect more.

 

While I like your post, I think the advice you give isn't that helpful.

 

What a man struggling with women needs to do is; force himself to be outgoing, talk to a lot of girls, ask them out, and not be afraid to show that he likes them.

 

And doing the above is not easy, as I am struggling with it. But I keep trying. If I give up it's game over.

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Wow, you are very perceptive.

 

Your description and cause of being a late-bloomer is spot on. Hell, I didn't get my first kiss till 23 and that was only with a girl I "dated" for two weeks. I'm 29 now and haven't kissed a girl sense then. Though I'm not a virgin because I used other methods to get sex.

 

It's one reason why I'm only interested in girls 19-22. Girls my age expect more.

 

While I like your post, I think the advice you give isn't that helpful.

 

What a man struggling with women needs to do is; force himself to be outgoing, talk to a lot of girls, ask them out, and not be afraid to show that he likes them.

 

And doing the above is not easy, as I am struggling with it. But I keep trying. If I give up it's game over.

 

She’s just repeating the stories she heard from other guys in your position so its no surprise she is spot on. Why wouldn’t she be spot on, who ever heard of a virgin who dated and kissed a lot of girls in HS but then some how ended up a virgin. (I mean unless something really bad happened to him)

 

This weekend tell me did you ask any girls out? If I was single I saw hundreds of girls I could have asked out. Something tells me you didn’t ask a single girl out this weekend. (please tell me I’m wrong)

 

Who you were yesterday isn’t who you have to be today. You’re a cool guy I can tell, but you spend a lot of time trapping yourself in a role you don’t want to be playing.

 

Have fun with it, no need to struggle.

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somedude81
She’s just repeating the stories she heard from other guys in your position so its no surprise she is spot on. Why wouldn’t she be spot on, who ever heard of a virgin who dated and kissed a lot of girls in HS but then some how ended up a virgin. (I mean unless something really bad happened to him)

There's more to it than just hearing things from guys. The guys doing bad with women don't have a clue about the female side.

 

As for me asking girls out this weekend, of course not.

 

I'm not going to bother with asking somebody out till I've been able to talk to her a few times.

 

So that means I'm not going to be asking anybody out till the summer semester next month as I've already gone through this semesters girls.

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There's more to it than just hearing things from guys. The guys doing bad with women don't have a clue about the female side.

 

As for me asking girls out this weekend, of course not.

 

I'm not going to bother with asking somebody out till I've been able to talk to her a few times.

 

So that means I'm not going to be asking anybody out till the summer semester next month as I've already gone through this semesters girls.

 

You’ll have better luck asking a girl out you’ve only had a small flirty conversation with when compared to waiting an entire semester of classes.

 

You’d really have the best chance if you played all the odds. For a guy who wants to be in a relationship as bad as you do you sure put things on hold a lot.

 

Seriously, though I’m not in college and I saw no less then 100 attractive women I could have asked out if I was single. (I did a charity type event and it was like all women)

 

Get out of your house and have fun. Do you have a best friend by the way? (if not get one)

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somedude81

I didn't say waiting a whole semester. Usually all I need is two weeks. Though that is the best case scenario.

 

Odds are when I first meet a girl, I'm not going to have a flirty conversation with her. I'm too introverted for that. Though it really depends on the environment and how much time I can spend with her.

 

I also suck at flirting in general. There is just no way a girl I just met would accept a date with me.

 

Best friend? Nope, but I'm working on making some friends.

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I didn't say waiting a whole semester. Usually all I need is two weeks. Though that is the best case scenario.

 

Odds are when I first meet a girl, I'm not going to have a flirty conversation with her. I'm too introverted for that. Though it really depends on the environment and how much time I can spend with her.

 

I also suck at flirting in general. There is just no way a girl I just met would accept a date with me.

 

Best friend? Nope, but I'm working on making some friends.

 

Make friends with guys.

 

 

A girl you just met is far more likely to accept a date with you then a girl you've been talking to for weeks.

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HeartShineGirl
There's more to it than just hearing things from guys. The guys doing bad with women don't have a clue about the female side.

 

As for me asking girls out this weekend, of course not.

 

I'm not going to bother with asking somebody out till I've been able to talk to her a few times.

 

So that means I'm not going to be asking anybody out till the summer semester next month as I've already gone through this semesters girls.

 

Just as no two people dance the same, or look the same, no two people should go about relationships the same. If I was a girl looking for my "perfect guy" and I met this guy who was "pretending" to be outgoing and I later found out he was super shy I'd be very confused, and probably tell him "You should have just been yourself."

 

I think being "who you are" is the best bet. There's my advice.

 

By the way, no I have not heard "Stories" from guys. My understanding of "all people" is intuitive. I don't claim to know a lot but I use common sense, love, understanding and my own intuition in all the things I write.

 

But you are right, it is mostly common sense. :) I do have a strong sense of things to say to people, and I do appreciate both positive and negative feedback. Thanks! :love:

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HeartShineGirl
Make friends with guys.

 

 

A girl you just met is far more likely to accept a date with you then a girl you've been talking to for weeks.

 

Hmm, I would agree with you, but the man I am madly in love with now won my heart by being my friend first and not pushing me and not chasing me... By month #4 I was in love. :)

 

It's not a bad thing to let a girl fall for you for your charms slowly. :love:

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Hmm, I would agree with you, but the man I am madly in love with now won my heart by being my friend first and not pushing me and not chasing me... By month #4 I was in love. :)

 

It's not a bad thing to let a girl fall for you for your charms slowly. :love:

 

Being slow to action in matters of the heart is a bad thing if you are doing it out of fear and self hatred. The only things holding you back should be matters of civility such as respect for yourself and the person you are with. Many men in a virgin or virginal status hold back because of fear and hatred.

 

I’m really not sure of the specifics of your romance but feel free to share. It may have been mutual between you and you’re bf to develop feelings by month 4. If he did like you right from the start he should have romantically pursued you from the start. The fact that it still worked out between you is great, but my point still stands.

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fortyninethousand322
You’ll have better luck asking a girl out you’ve only had a small flirty conversation with when compared to waiting an entire semester of classes.

 

You’d really have the best chance if you played all the odds. For a guy who wants to be in a relationship as bad as you do you sure put things on hold a lot.

 

Seriously, though I’m not in college and I saw no less then 100 attractive women I could have asked out if I was single. (I did a charity type event and it was like all women)

 

Get out of your house and have fun. Do you have a best friend by the way? (if not get one)

 

If you don't mind me asking, where in the world do you find events and activities where you will meet women? I live in the suburbs (more like exurbs) and every activity group that I've joined is either all guys or older (like 60s+) men and women. I've looked on meetup.com etc. but all the social groups for people my age take place in the city (between 50 and 90 minute drive depending on traffic) or close to it, and it's a long commute especially now with gas prices.

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If you don't mind me asking, where in the world do you find events and activities where you will meet women? I live in the suburbs (more like exurbs) and every activity group that I've joined is either all guys or older (like 60s+) men and women. I've looked on meetup.com etc. but all the social groups for people my age take place in the city (between 50 and 90 minute drive depending on traffic) or close to it, and it's a long commute especially now with gas prices.

 

I’ll pm you the specifics. I live in a city though.

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AKollegeGuy
Talk to women the same way you talk to your friends, minus the vulgarities and crude jokes.

 

Seriously though, it is not difficult. You will find that women, in general, will do most of the talking for you.

We like to hear ourselves talk.

And we like being around men.

We like to hear ourselves talk while being around men.

 

Just be yourself and relax. We are humans, not monsters who want to eat you alive.

 

And just a side note: Please try talking to the really gorgeous smart girl who is always reading or working on papers at the local coffee shop. PLEASE! After you've gotten a little comfortable and confident, PLEASE try it at least once. SHE WANTS YOU TOO!

 

Sadly, most of the time I talk to my friends, it usually is with vulgarities and jokes, its how we get along oddly enough. Just one of those guy things I guess. As for talking to women, I can talk to them, but either its just friendly chatter that goes nowhere or its like pulling teeth. I ask them questions, they give me quick answers and the conversation goes into awkward silence. One time I tried to ask a girl from my class out, she said yes. We never went out. Instead she strung me along for a few weeks before she told me that she was already seeing someone.

 

As for the girl working on their papers, when you’re a grad student, you really don’t want anyone interrupting you.

 

Got a buddy whos a 29 year old virgin and hes angry about it. Hes a bitter dude takes it out on the world. He goes after younger girls because he doesnt feel he can compete with chicks our age. They also dont intimidate him. He will be a 40 yr old virgin, no question. The reason is because hes closed down, decided already its game over. Self fulfilling prophesy. Hes more bitter everyday. Alienates people. Fear biter you know. Hes a sad dude.

So watch saying stuff like youll be alone forever. Dont even toy with the idea. Its more damaging than you know.

 

I know what you’re saying, but its really hard to get out of that spiral once your in it, especially if your past is a blank slate when it comes to romance. And it’s especially disheartening when you’re out with a friend and girls flirt with him out of the blue and ignore you completely.

 

Also, to be honest, I don’t know what I want, lose my virginity or get a girlfriend. I’m at a loss. I’m going to be 26 in a few months and it kills me to think that I’ll be the same bitter bastard that I am now. I’ve gotten a job for the summer and it helps combat the frustration as it gives me something to concentrate on, but I’m afraid that I’m just putting off the problem, not solving it. I’ve also noticed that I’ve been drinking more as of late. I don’t get drunk, but still, its noticeable.

 

I just don’t know what I want, a sex life or getting a girlfriend. People I know are getting married and having kids and I haven’t even had one girlfriend. It’s humiliating that I’m so far behind everyone.

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Sadly, most of the time I talk to my friends, it usually is with vulgarities and jokes, its how we get along oddly enough. Just one of those guy things I guess. As for talking to women, I can talk to them, but either its just friendly chatter that goes nowhere or its like pulling teeth. I ask them questions, they give me quick answers and the conversation goes into awkward silence. One time I tried to ask a girl from my class out, she said yes. We never went out. Instead she strung me along for a few weeks before she told me that she was already seeing someone.

 

As for the girl working on their papers, when you’re a grad student, you really don’t want anyone interrupting you.

 

You should be yourself when you talk to girls. Talking about vulgarities right off the bat like you do with friend you are familiar with would probably be disrespectful. But if that really the way you are and what you enjoy talking about that’s the way you need to be with women eventually. Even with your friends you had to get by that awkward getting to know you phase. You didn’t just meet some one and ask them to smell your finger etc. It is ok to make little jokes that you enjoy like “that’s what she said.” You need to enjoy your interaction with the girl because if its like pulling teeth what is the point? Be yourself and stop making excuses, that’s just the fear talking. Be yourself and you’ve overcome your fear. This applies to more then just women.

 

 

I know what you’re saying, but its really hard to get out of that spiral once your in it, especially if your past is a blank slate when it comes to romance. And it’s especially disheartening when you’re out with a friend and girls flirt with him out of the blue and ignore you completely.

 

Also, to be honest, I don’t know what I want, lose my virginity or get a girlfriend. I’m at a loss. I’m going to be 26 in a few months and it kills me to think that I’ll be the same bitter bastard that I am now. I’ve gotten a job for the summer and it helps combat the frustration as it gives me something to concentrate on, but I’m afraid that I’m just putting off the problem, not solving it. I’ve also noticed that I’ve been drinking more as of late. I don’t get drunk, but still, its noticeable.

 

I just don’t know what I want, a sex life or getting a girlfriend. People I know are getting married and having kids and I haven’t even had one girlfriend. It’s humiliating that I’m so far behind everyone.

 

If you were honest you would realize you do know what you want. You’re confusion all stems from fear. One voice is what you want, the other voice is fear trying to make up every excuse in the book.

 

Being a blank slate is a good thing. You aren’t a blank slate though. You are afraid and its time to overcome that fear. Good luck you have this in you. You’ve already won once you start trying.

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Ginger Beer and I have crossed paths in my previous thread "Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater." Ginger beer knows that I am quite the whore...

 

I'm jealous of you. Really, I am, KollegeGuy. Don't be ashamed.

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LeaningIntoTheMuse

I think it's pretty universally accepted that virginity isn't accepted by women.

 

The best advice I can give you? Lie your ass off.

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I think it's pretty universally accepted that virginity isn't accepted by women.

 

The best advice I can give you? Lie your ass off.

 

Negative fearful advice. First off there is no reason for you to lie. Women will just assume he isn’t a virgin if he isn’t fearful. If he is confident any perceived weakness will be a strength he can use to motivate himself in that area.

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