Houston, We Have Contact

[Dazdnconfuzed]

Am I nervous?

Not necessary to be nervous, this is not a blind date

(This will let her know to chill a bit yet letting her know you are massively strong and full of man juice.)

 

Is this gonna be hard for me?

Depends on how hot the waitress is.

 

 

What am I thinking about it?

The food better be good and they better not mess up my order either.

[robinseggblue]

Oh I'm sorry. Haha. I just said those two words because every single thing you said was spot on and I couldn't have said it better myself. Agreed! I should have said! No, seriously, you've got this. And you know it! Maybe you should take your phone to the washroom with you during the date, so that I can offer you support from there too. Lol! No I mean it...

[1784]

She even asked to meet earlier because she's "going stir crazy at the office". So sorry, you're gonna have to wait until 7. She's really coming apart at the seams! lol

 

So it's getting close. I'm hanging out here at work until it's time to get to dinner. It's about a half hour away (train + walking). I'm feeling pretty confident. I thought I'd be a lot more nervous. In fact, I think I was more nervous on Monday than I am right now. I'll be honest, I AM a little nervous (butterflies and such) but not too bad at all. I figure it'll all go pretty smoothly. I think it'll go a lot faster than I think it will. It's gonna be weird. It feels like forever since I've seen her. It's very odd to feel like this about her after seeing her for 3+ years. It's sort of surreal.

 

I'm not going to make any predictions. I'd rather stay away from that. I think I'll just see how it goes. No expectations other than a pleasant evening. I think that's doable. Afterwards... that'll be another story. But I fully intend on staying in control and not making up all sorts of things in my head. I'll leave that to her. You all will get an update, though. If not tonight then tomorrow. Promise ; )

[Dazdnconfuzed]

It better be tonight foolio!!! I got this page on auto refresh, hell better be logged in on your phone and run to the bathroom to update us. She is all of our reconciliation now!

 

Just be chill, if you arrive early get a shot of jack to wet the vocal cords some. Let her know you have changed your name to Mr. 1784 and to not look directly at you when she is speaking. You are a celebrety now.

 

In all seriousness good luck tonight man i am really rooting for you, i will be thinking about you on the ride home!!!

[robinseggblue]

It better be tonight foolio!!! I got this page on auto refresh,

 

 

Das right.

[blue17]

5 to 1 odds he gets laid tonight. 3 to 1 for a handski.

[aypforever]

Well.. he still hasn't responded. Long date?

[danrs]

We're waiting.....(bastarrd is gettin' some right now, isn't he?!!!)

 

If you are, 1784, that was not playin' it very cooooool, lol.

[Ajax]

Took me a while to catch up on this thread. Good luck 1784! I hope things went smoothly.

[1784]

Hey, I just wrote a long post detailing the evening but it didn't go through; so now I'm going to try and re-write it again. Bear with me.

[1784]

The evening went well but it wasn't anything extraordinary. I guess if I truly went into it expecting nothing then I'd be satisfied. The truth is, I probably was expecting a little more than I got which has left me a bit, well, off. Here are the details...

 

We met outside the restaurant at 6:45. She was a few minutes late as I expected. I was on time as I hate to be late. When we saw each other we went straight into a really long and passionate hug. You could tell that we both really missed each other a lot. I think we could have stood there for hours if we wanted to.

 

Anyway, we went inside, checked our coats and were seated. It felt very natural going through the motions of having a nice dinner together. We exchanged some pleasantries, starting looking at the wine list and menu, ordered, etc. Then we just started talking. We talked about the usual stuff - work, family, friends, happenings in our life, etc. She shared some food with me (ya know, from her fork to my mouth) and I with her. Things were, well, fine.

 

At a certain point, after lots of just regular talk, I decided to ask her what she had asked me on the phone a week earlier, which was "So what have you been thinking?". I did this because I didn't want the entire evening to be small talk. I knew I wasn't going to give her much about how I was feeling so I figured I'd see what I could get out of her. Basically she said she's been trying not to think about us too much. She said she thinks of me often, she misses me, etc, but that she's really just trying to get through each day. She's pretty much avoiding having to deal with it. She didn't say this in a mean way, she just seemed like she was struggling with it all and was trying to move it to the side for a bit. We both tend to over-analyze things. She wanted to take this out of the spotlight and let it all just 'happen'. She compared herself to that branch in the river, just letting life's current take her where she needs to be.

 

Good enough. I get that. So then I asked her "What led you to reaching out, texting me and asking me to dinner?".

 

She said that basically she wanted to know I was ok. That she missed me and really wanted to see me. That life is too short not to do something if you want to do it and all that kind of stuff.

 

She started to get kind of teary during this serious part of the conversation so I just told her that we didn't need to discuss any of this right now. There'd be time for that if need be. That we should just enjoy our dinner, enjoy one another's company and have a good evening. So that's what we did. We had that brief transition into serious stuff but I transitioned right out of it.

 

At the end of dinner we left the restaurant and said our goodbyes. we both live far from one another and take very different routes to get home. We were both tired. Long week, too much wine, etc. We embraced again and she gave me a few kisses on my neck. Then we exchanged a few "Get home safe" type things. I took one last deep stare into her eyes, contemplated giving her a kiss, turned around and started walking.

 

So how do I feel about all of it? Well, I'll tell you.

 

- I must say that I expected more from the evening. Not in terms of physicality but more in the realm of her wanting to reconcile or something of that nature. But I do think the dinner went well. I mean, I didn't really give much of myself. I think I gave her a good evening and something to think about, namely me.

 

- Today I feel sort of off a bit. Sort of disappointed. Sort of not. I mean, I was truly trying to go into the evening with low expectations. Well, I guess my expectations were met. It wasn't bad in any way. It went well. I had a good time. It was great seeing her. We got along without a hitch. I think I put my best self forward. I think I gave her something to think about.

 

- I think this could either be one of two things.

 

1) nothing but us catching up in person

 

2) the first step in a long process of reconciliation

 

I don't think there's any other way to look at it. I know she loves me. I know I still love her. Will we get to a place where we consider being the other's possible future? I don't know.

 

My plan is to let this sink in a bit. Let it breathe. Give us time to digest it. I'm going to let her contact me. If she does, she does. If she doesn't, she doesn't. Maybe we're both not ready to consider us in a relationship yet. I have no answers. At this point all I can do is speculate.

 

So yeah, I feel okay about the way the night went. Not great. Not bad. Somewhere in the middle. If anything, it was an okay start if it is indeed a start.

 

So what do you all think? Questions, comments, concerns?

 

Please. I really need all of your help with this one. I don't really know WHAT to think at this point. I feel very confused inside. I could write all day but that's not gonna get me anywhere. Please chime in, analyze and ask away.

 

Thanks.

 

That's the end of the evening.

[robinseggblue]

Basically she said she's been trying not to think about us too much. She said she thinks of me often, she misses me, etc, but that she's really just trying to get through each day. She's pretty much avoiding having to deal with it. She didn't say this in a mean way, she just seemed like she was struggling with it all and was trying to move it to the side for a bit. We both tend to over-analyze things. She wanted to take this out of the spotlight and let it all just 'happen'. She compared herself to that branch in the river, just letting life's current take her where she needs to be.

 

.

 

 

Strangely, after reading this paragraph in particular, I started to feel angry at her. I know you are in the midst of the situation, so your reactions may be clouded (or perhaps not) but I think if you were reading this from the outside looking in, like we are, you would feel angry too. Perhaps this "anger" that I think you should feel is manifesting itself as you feeling "off" as you put it.

 

The whole "branch in the river" line in particular is, I think, what is most irritating. If she is a branch, then she better expect to wind up downstream with a thousand other branches or perhaps as beaver fodder for a dam or some such other banal fate. My translation of "I am a branch in the river" is "I see that I still have you, and am not feeling much regret yet, as I know I can contact you and have a lovely dinner with you, where you seem as enamored as ever with me. I can float along, contacting you as I wish, and you will likely respond, at which point I will react in whichever way I choose, depending upon the current or the wind. Breaking up with you has not had much ill effect upon things. I still feel safe. The end. p.s. I don't know what I want."

 

However, the good news is of course, that the opposite is also true. She still seems to be in love with you, and has not "gone anywhere" yet, and may or may not have dreams of doing so. As I mentioned previously, one month is such an extremely small amount of time in the grand scheme of things. I can tell you from experience, that the feelings that you wish she had (extreme longing, passion about getting back together, desperation etc.) do NOT make themselves known after one month. It takes much longer, AND a sense that the other person is not available to you anymore. The way she is feeling now, is pretty normal for one month of NC. (Missing you, wants to see you, etc., but not much more)

 

If she has not expressed extreme interest in getting back together period, then it has not been long enough. The feelings she has for you will not wilt in the next half year, or year, they will intensify. To be honest, if I was you, I would feel that this was the perfect time to say "Well babe, I'm looking for more, so I gotta let you float on down the river." The reason that it is the perfect time, is because you would be leaving on a really good note. She would only have pleasant memories of your last date together. You still wanted her. She could probably see the longing in your eyes, as you parted. It was a "feel good" date for her. She felt desirable, she felt the closeness and easiness that you have always shared, she felt comfort being around you. These are all impressions that you want her to have as the last. That's what she'll remember when she feels lonely, when she perhaps tries to date and it doesn't work out, etc. Then you will have the power. Right now, I'm not feeling like you really do.

 

It's not fair to either one of you, when she is feeling "confused" or hesitant or unsure.Is this really the way you want to feel? Off? Do you think she feels "off" right now? Or comforted? Or even free as a bird to do whatever she likes? I think you need to make an investment in your relationship for the better of both of you. That investment is time. Or "NC" as we are all so used to hearing. As most investments do it pays out much more, the longer you leave it in the bank.

[Ajax]

My plan is to let this sink in a bit. Let it breathe. Give us time to digest it. I'm going to let her contact me. If she does, she does. If she doesn't, she doesn't. Maybe we're both not ready to consider us in a relationship yet. I have no answers. At this point all I can do is speculate.

 

.

 

 

I think that's a good idea. Are you able to be just her friend? If so then seeing her again might be OK. But it sounds like you still want more, and I can understand that completely. If that's the case though, you might want to go back to NC.

 

The issue I'm most worried about is that your ex is just making sure she can come back when she feels like it, safe in te knowledge that you're still waiting for her.

 

I wish I could be more insightful, but I don't even know what I'd do if my ex ctacted me and we went to dinner. I think that the bottom line is that you need to protect your own feelings.

[Ajax]

The whole "branch in the river" line in particular is, I think, what is most irritating. If she is a branch, then she better expect to wind up downstream with a thousand other branches or perhaps as beaver fodder for a dam or some such other banal fate. .

 

I think this is the best way to put it.

[Graceful]

Hiya 1784,

 

Two things I want to say first:

 

One is that I don't know your back story, so I don't know what caused the breakup, I can only assume you were dumped. That's all I know. I don't know how hurt you are or were, don't know if she was cruel about it, or how long you dated. But I'll still give you my two cents.

 

Secondly, it's water under the dam now, but in the future, I would not recommend getting together under such formal circumstances for this type of reunion. Since you live far apart, I can understand the need to wait until the weekend, but you only set yourself up doing what you did. The anticipation mounted over the week. The expectations mounted, whether you wanted them to or not. You went to a fancy restaurant (I wish I'd been around earlier in the thread, as this was not a good idea, IMHO). That made it too much like a "date" and not a "get together" which is all it should have been. A pub or a bar for a beer, or a walk in the park, would have been more appropriate. Live and learn.

 

Otherwise, I think your ex is a bit confused, cares about you, but it was ultimately a bit selfish of her to ask to see you. Sorry, but that's my take. All she needed to do was tell you over the phone, hey, I feel it's still best that we're apart, but that doesn't mean I don't miss you or think about you.

 

Otherwise, she should have just spit out her intentions. I miss you, I don't know if we should be together or not, but I don't feel as resolved as I thought I was, and I need to see you if you are willing to discuss the relationship again.

 

So the long and short of it: I don't blame you for being at loose ends. If this is the MO of your ex (and always was), this is not someone you want to have a relationship with in the long run. She does not communicate with you. She plays both ends from the middle. She had no right to further confuse the situation.

 

It was like she was testing the waters. Did you pass? YES, with flying colors. Nice, friendly, no pressure, looked good, blah blah blah.

 

Sounds like you were freaking irresistible, IMHO. Cheesh. So what's her problem? Who knows? But she didn't grab you and kiss you, she didn't say she wants you back.

 

So life goes on. No contact for you. If she contacts you again? FIND OUT WHAT SHE WANTS. Do not see her again unless she can clearly state why she wants to see you (or talk to you). Do not, and I repeat this as firmly as I can, reveal even one feeling to her until or unless she says something first if she contacts you again. If she does not have the maturity, communication skills, the heart and soul to tell you what's on her mind and make that clear, then she's not worth putting yourself on the line for.

 

Good luck. If she doesn't want you, heal and get over her. In due time, there are plenty of women out there who would not play games with you and as far as I can see, will want to get to know you. Take care.

 

 

PS A few final comments:

 

She said she thinks of me often, she misses me, etc, but that she's really just trying to get through each day. She's pretty much avoiding having to deal with it. She didn't say this in a mean way, she just seemed like she was struggling with it all and was trying to move it to the side for a bit. We both tend to over-analyze things. She wanted to take this out of the spotlight and let it all just 'happen'. She compared herself to that branch in the river, just letting life's current take her where she needs to be.

Sorry to be cynical, but this is "word salad" and utter bull. Means nothing other than, 'hey, I dumped you but that doesn't mean this has been easy for me." That's all she had to say and what she should have said, if that's what she in fact meant.

 

She said that basically she wanted to know I was ok. That she missed me and really wanted to see me. That life is too short not to do something if you want to do it and all that kind of stuff.

To me this is fake sentiment. It was an excuse to see you. She wants to know you're okay? The phone isn't adequate? Makes me skeptical.

 

I don't think there's any other way to look at it. I know she loves me. I know I still love her. Will we get to a place where we consider being the other's possible future? I don't know.

She might still love you, but on a scale of one to ten, she's not giving you a "ten" kind of love. She's either friend zoned you, or whatever, but no one who loves you madly would dump you. So remember that. Her loving you is really not the issue.

 

Please. I really need all of your help with this one. I don't really know WHAT to think at this point. I feel very confused inside. I could write all day but that's not gonna get me anywhere. Please chime in, analyze and ask away.

Again, I hope I'm not being too hard on your ex, but I gave you my gut reaction. I think you did the right thing in seeing her, but I think the way she "set the stage" was VERY unfair to you and selfish of her. That's the bottom line to why you feel as you do today. She offered you a few crumbs, that's about it.

[TryTryAgain]

I sort of feel "off" as well by the way things went, but I think you did a really nice job in getting at least a little information out of her on what she's thinking. I really thought she was going to hint at reconciliation, but that obviously didn't happen.

 

 

I do have a few questions:

1. Did you guys talk about another meetup or did she say she would contact you or vice versa?
   
2. Do you still feel you want to reconcile with her after last night?
   

I think you need to let her chase you a little bit now. If anything, last night was a reminder to her of who you really are and what she's missing out on. You put yourself out there and that's the best you could have done. My guess is she will call you soon. I agree with Graceful, though, that next time she contacts you it is imperitive to find out her intentions.

[1784]

Thanks for the responses. There's a lot to address from all of you so I'm going to do by best to keep this short (yeah, right), clear and concise.

 

@ robinseggblue

 

Firstly, that "off" feeling that I have today. It's definitely manifested itself into a combination of anger and disappointment. While I did feel that I played this one pretty well I now realize that, more than anything, she just wanted to know I was still there. I don't think she wants me there as a friend to be perfectly honest. It's not how she and I are. I don't really think she consciously knew what she was looking for last night. I just think she knew she wanted to see me for completely selfish reasons.

 

While I can understand your analysis of the situation to mean "i still have you" I can't say that I agree wholeheartedly. Yes, I suppose I did make myself available to her. That I can not argue and you all are very right. But to what extent does she have me? I haven't asked to reconcile. I haven't old her I love her or need her or want to be back together. I think "I've missed you" is all she's gotten from me. So yes, I didn't exactly make it hard for her to get back together for a meeting. But I don't think I gave too much away either. I'm sure you'll all tel lme what you think on this.

 

I do think that she still seems enamored with me to certain extent. From what I can tell I have become her measuring stick. Do I want this dubious honor? of course not. I don't want to be a distant measuring stick. I wanted to be the end all be all. I see no intention on her part to move on to other men. She seems to be in this weird limbo right now. I guess it's sort of the weird limbo that I've been hanging out in. We both seem to be trying to get on without the other. Trying to make ourselves happy on our own without any outside pressure. I think that's where that whole branch in the river thing came from. She's just trying to see what life brings her. And that's fine... BUT.... what makes it selfish is that if she's just letting life's current take her away then why the hell is she contacting me? That's what makes it selfish right there. You can't drift off into the ocean AND still be tied to the shore. It doesn't work. You won't get anywhere.

 

I guess it just hasn't been long enough for anything to have really changed, huh? I mean, I see signs of self reflection, lessons learned and such. But I don't think either one of us is in any position to jump back into anything so soon.

 

Either way I do think I left her with a good memory. Something to grab hold of when she is feeling lonely or thinking about us. Hopefully this will pay off later. It may not though. it may have JUST been a dinner.

 

@ Ajax

 

I can't be her friend. it's not what I want and it's not what she wants. if I get even a sniff of friend zone smells then she'll be cut off completely. Hell, I plan on going NC now anyway. I see no reason to reach out to her at all at this point.

 

You all seem to resonate this "she feels like she can come back whenever she feels like it" idea. And you know what? You're all probably right. I made it too easy for her. I didn't make her worry that I may not be available. That was my bad. I took a chance when I saw an opening. I should have waited, maybe. i don't regret it. Had I spilled my guts, professed my love, etc, then yes, I would have regretted it. But I didn't and I don't. She didn't get much from me. She just got a pleasant evening, some laughs, some serious talk and a nice couple of hugs. I'm okay with that.

 

@graceful

 

We went to a formal dinner because we had already purchased the Groupon things for them since last year. They were expiring this weekend. That's why she suggested we use them. If it hadn't been for that I would have just met her for a couple of drinks. It is what it is.

 

When you say my ex is selfish... you don't even know the half of it. This is her MO. She is a very self interested individual. She can be kind, caring, etc but at the end of the day she is a very selfish person. she's always going to look out for herself first. That being said, if she is ever ready to reconcile I think I'll know it. She'll never not do what's best for her. She'll always consider her feelings first. I hate to say that but deep down I do know that it's true.

 

She's usually very good about communicating her feelings to be perfectly honest. I think given the situation she's a little unsure of what she wants, what she wants to say, what she wants to do, etc. So she probably shouldn't have reached out the way she did. she probably couldn't help herself. When it comes to logic vs emotion with her, emotion ALWAYS wins. She weakened.

 

I hope I did pass with flying colors. I know I looked good. I know I made her laugh. I know we had some really nice conversation. The food, which was supposed to be AMAZING, wasn't and yet it didn't even matter. The night went by in a flash. It was a good dinner. I hope it really left her questioning her decision to end things. I really do.

 

I'll take your advice. The next time around I will be a lot more firm as to what her intentions are. I don't need her driving me crazy for nothing. I don't want to be her friend. If she wants contact then it has to count. If it is empty then she doesn't deserve my time. Until that time, though, I have to institute NC once again. YAY! OH JOY!

 

Yeah, actually, considering all that wasn't accomplished last night it is a mystery why she did want to see me. Unless it truly WAS just to use those stupid dinner coupons. Anything we spoke of we could have done on the telephone. I know that face to face feels differently, though. So again, I think it was just for selfish reasons that she wanted to go to dinner.

 

Anyway, I think i covered most of it. It's not back to all of you. I'm still feeling pretty f'd up. I mean, not in that "back to square one" kind of a way. I don't feel terribly sad like I did when we broke up. I just feel disappointed, I guess.

 

Do you think she'll contact me? My bet is that she will.

[1784]

@ TryTryAgain, in answer to your questions:

 

1) No, we didn't speak of another meetup. I think last night was a lot for both of us and we didn't want to put any pressure on it (or after it in this case). I kind of assumed that we'd just figure that out later. If we do, we do. If we don't we don't. I didn't find it imperative to seal a future date. I felt like me doing that would be coming off as desperate. Like I NEED to know when I'm going to see you again. I didn't want to give off that vibe. I wanted her to think I didn't need it.

 

2) I would consider reconciling with her. Sure. a lot would have to happen, though. And from the looks of things we aren't anywhere near those things that have to happen (apologies, etc).

 

I'm looking at it as if it's still up in the air. Like anything could happen. I'm really not hinging on it, though. I'm not devastated about the way last night turned out. I'm not. I think it was a decent time. Where it goes from here is anyone's guess.

[robinseggblue]

I agree with Graceful, though, that next time she contacts you it is imperitive to find out her intentions.

 

I hate to sound negative, especially since you are trying to give 1784 some good advice, Try, but my god- "her intentions"? What "intentions" does a branch floating down the river have? At this point what she wants, which is nothing in particular, is of no significance. What 1784 wants is what we should be focussed on here. When she calls, what "she" wants should not even be brought up. It is like saying to her "Well, I'm just waiting to hear what YOU want, because what I want does not seem to matter." "You have all the power to decide what is going to happen, so I'll just wait to hear your decision, almighty queen."

 

I didn't want to say this, but the mistake that was made last night-the turning point IMO- was when 1784 said "I'd like to know how you're feeling" That gave her all of the power, in one small sentence. The only thing that is important is what HE wants. If she wants that too, well great, but if not, well the world is not perfect. Bad timing for her. My guess is that she WILL want it at some point, but pandering to her feelings at this point is not a step in the right direction. In a perfect world, we would all just explain how we are feeling and the other person would reciprocate with like-minded views, but this situation is not perfect, and hence needs to be dealt with differently. When you are falling in love---that's when it is ok to smother the other person with compliments, hope etc. ----NOT when one person is unsure or pulling away. That calls for completely different actions.

[1784]

Fair enough, robinseggblue. Fair enough. So please, give me a synopsis of what I should do now, what I shouldn't do, how I should take last night, etc. Please. I'm not thinking 100% rationally right now and i could really use your perspective on everything.

 

I need a game plan. I need to know what I should be thinking going forward.

[robinseggblue]

While I can understand your analysis of the situation to mean "i still have you" I can't say that I agree wholeheartedly. Yes, I suppose I did make myself available to her. That I can not argue and you all are very right. But to what extent does she have me? I haven't asked to reconcile. I haven't old her I love her or need her or want to be back together. I think "I've missed you" is all she's gotten from me. So yes, I didn't exactly make it hard for her to get back together for a meeting. But I don't think I gave too much away either.

 

The difficulty that I have with this line of thinking, (and I hope you know that I am being persistent with this only because I want you to suffer as little as possible ), is that THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE THINKING. SHE IS NOT NECESSARILY THINKING THE SAME WAY. As I mentioned, she was monitoring you like an Air Traffic Controller. Women are EXTREMELY perceptive. She didn't need to hear you say "I love you" or "I want you" or whatever, to know that you love and want her. It could have been as simple as the hug you gave her, or the way you looked at her for a split second. Any small gesture is enough for her to KNOW for sure. So that even though, you think you are being all sneaky like, by not mentioning the L word, she just KNOWS. See what I mean? You don't have to say the words "I want to reconcile" for her to understand that you want to reconcile.

 

Oh wow, I sound really harsh today. I think I need to go out and run or something. Sorry about my attitude, but I can't help it!

[1784]

No, robinseggblue, you're not being too harsh. I need this kind of back and forth. I need you to call me out on stuff. I'm not looking for people to tell me what I want to hear. I'm looking to hear what I NEED to hear.

 

So please, when you have a minute, just spell out a plan of action (or lack thereof) for me. I could use the guidance right now.

[robinseggblue]

Here is what I would do:

 

She call you (or texts or whatever), and says "hey, I had a good time at dinner, it was nice to see you....blah blah" and you say, "yes, I agree" or some such blather, all the while being your nice charming self, (the same person that she can count on you to be, today and in the future. The person that she will remember.)

 

Then at some point you say, "You know what? I think I need some time to think about this. I'm not sure what I'm feeling. In fact I think I feel like a leaf. Yes, I feel fluttery, and it is feeling windy outside, and I'm really not sure what season it is, and where I'll end up."

 

TURN THE TABLES! You know how it feels to be on the receiving end of this ridiculousness. Let her feel it. Let her be in your position. You are in the perfect position to do so. As a matter of fact, I am suddenly feeling quite happy for you. There doesn't seem to be another man on the horizon right? She is still attracted to you right? You have left her with a great impression right? You didn't even kiss her right? What are you worried about? Start sounding as confused as she is. Because you know what? You ARE confused. It isn't even a lie. You DO need time to get away from this situation. You know how I know this? Because you're not seeing it from the same viewpoint as we all are. And that is dangerous. The time that you spend as a leaf floating around, will be when this will all come into perspective (again, I'm speaking from experience). I see where you are, and it looks SOOOOO familiar to me. I was there, and now I'm here. Please float over here. It's a much better spot, I promise you. You will settle in just fine, and be able to make clearer decisions from here. You won't even need to ask as many questions as you are now. You will be giving the answers to people, because it will seem so clear. You will like it. I promise.

 

So back to the plan:

 

Feeling leafy, not quite sure, need some time, and then let her be. See how YOU feel after you do this. This time, you have made the decision. It will be a different feeling I think.

[Graceful]

1784,

 

I'm going out for the day, and will be back later with a response for you regarding "next steps" / preparing if she contacts / etc. I would like to follow up after seeing your response and feedback. I am firm, but try to be considerate and sensitive when I don't know all the facts, but now that you are agreeing with my assessment that your ex's MO is one of a selfish person, I can run with it. mmmmm. Can't wait.

 

BTW, since you mentioned that Groupon, I do remember reading that earlier in the thread (it's hard to keep all the facts straight around here), so I was glad to see there was a "reason" for going to a fancy place rather than out for a beer. (btw, those Groupons and other deals are a PIA, aren't they!?)

 

In the meantime, if a text rolls in today from her ... ignore it for the time being. No need to respond to her in two minutes.

Otherwise, enjoy your day, clear you head, and I'll talk to you later. As far as I am concerned, you're in the driver's seat, not your ex. More on that later.

Grace

[robinseggblue]

1784,

 

As far as I am concerned, you're in the driver's seat, not your ex. More on that later.

Grace

 

Agreed! One last quote before I finally go out for the day too:

 

(Quote is from fellow member RoseT):

 

"She lost her power when she broke up with you"

 

Think about that for the day. It makes so much sense to me. I love it. You just have to realize it. You need to float to do that . Have a great day!