_For those who can't get dates in their late 20s, 30s and 40s

[Floridaman]

This is a bit late, but I thought I'd add this: I absolutely can't stand it when people talk about other people "lowering their standards".

No one's talking about lowering standards.

Date who you are attracted to.

 

But don't waste your time and money trying to go after the really "hawt" gals who have many options, have had many men and trust me, can sense inexperience.

They usually aren't attracted to "beginners."

 

Sure. Anyone can try to date anyone they want.

Not sayin' shy guys won't land a real "looker."

But like what happened with me at 25 when I tried to date women a little younger, the ones still in college, they were very ambivalent, didn't seem mature nor want the same things I wanted (a relationship). So after a while, you realize you're like being insane, doing the same things over and over again and expecting diff. results...

 

It doesn't matter if you're "hot", ugly, fat, skinny, stupid, whatever, if the only type of women you are attracted to is the supermodel type then THAT IS THE ONLY TYPE OF WOMEN YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO.

Be attracted to whomever you want.

 

But if you're in your 30s and 40s and haven't as much as kissed a girl yet, or done very little like that, it doesn't make sense to date women that may "seem" to be out of a guy's league.

 

There are many less-experienced shy girls around.

They may have done some kissing and beyond, but women too have issues with shyness and attracting men, even though they look attractive on the outside...

Relationships aren't easy for women either and you gotta think they may be eager to make a good impression and may be nervous on those first dates as well....

 

Am just sayin' a guy might have a higher "success ratio" if he asks some of those women out, regardless of looks, compared to the others that get a lot of guys hitting on them.

 

Of course, no guarantee any woman won't say no to your date request, but try the "low-hanging" fruit first.

People can't pick and choose what they're attracted to and what they're not. If the only way you can get a date is to go for women you don't find attracted to then what the hell is the point?

If a guy's getting up there in age (in his 30s and beyond) and feels down on himself bec. he always strikes out when he asks girls out or hasn't ever gotten the nerve to ask a women out -- never kissed a girl, never held a girl's hand -- doesn't make sense to make things harder for himself than they need to be.

Edited August 10, 2011 by Floridaman

[Floridaman]

As above post was geting long, split it off to deal with your situation, Robert.

Hope this helps.

As far as being shy goes, I don't really have too many problems approaching women and talking to them but I can't ever do the conversion and get past a friendly conversation.

Good you're bold enough to approach them.

 

Read some of my earlier posts in this thread, but here's some info. that might help.

 

 

Say you notice a woman at work.

She often talks about how she likes this and that hobby or activity.

Or likes this type of sport or music, whatever.

Or you notice some posters or pics of her hobbies in her cubicle.

 

Work into the conversation that you know about this and that acitvity, music or exhibit and invite her to view that or participate in that activity with you. Like if she likes art or theater and you hear a certain artist or play is being shown, invite her to go with you. See what she says.

 

 

Or... in a first-meeting situation at a reception or social situation, just introduce yourself.

Ask her why she's at this event.

Or what she likes about this field, activity,etc.

 

"....Oh, you're a history/ travel/ sports/ music (etc. fill in the blank) buff/ fan. What interests you in that?"

 

Or she likes something else or just moved here from a town you're familiar with or just graduated from the college you went to, used to work in your field, etc.

 

 

Work off conversation based on things she says.

 

Try to focus on what she says. Listen to what she tells you and ask questions based on what you hear.

Try not to just wait to speak your thoughts, like many of us do in regular group conversations.

 

As most people don't like to talk only about themselves, she should turn it around and ask why YOU like this hobby/movie/activity/sport/career, etc.

You can say some things about your views, but again, focus on her.

People like that attention.

 

 

If you sense the two of you are hitting it off well, naturally work into the conversation (so it doesn't seem contrived or out of place) how you know about this hobby/activity/career/etc. and would like to invite her to this event or discuss more about that over dinner...

 

That open-ended question is better than asking a YES-NO question like if she'd like to go to dinner with you.

Instead of asking something she can quickly say no to (which might be her first instinct), make her think a little about it...

"You know, an afternoon at the museum might be interesting..."

 

 

To get out of your "comfort zone," make it a goal to approach random women in social settings (not talking about women you see on the street, though if you're bold enough, that MAY work, dunno). Strike up conversations with them.

 

Yes, gonna take some nerve but it could pay dividends in getting a relationship you so desire.

[robertdawson]

You're saying guys that can't get dates should go after the "low hanging fruit". Like I said, it is likely they don't find these women attractive. Their success ratio won't go up if they asked these women out because getting a date with a woman you don't find attractive is NOT a success. A success is getting a date with a woman you find attractive. If you're asking out the "low hanging fruit" more than likely you're just doing it because you have given up on the women you actually ARE attracted to and just can't stand the thought of being however old you are and never having had a girlfriend, been kissed, etc.

 

Are you suggesting that men with this problem just go ask any girl out just to go ahead and get a girlfriend and get some experience fooling around? I don't see any other reason why you would want to date women you don't find attractive. If you do are you going to dump her after a while because you've gotten your one girlfriend and your experience fooling around?

 

Not to hijack the thread with my personal issues, but thanks for your suggestions. However, I have tried things like you've mentioned before and have had no success. At one point I was so pissed off at being rejected over and over again that I decided I wasn't going to ask any women out until I noticed signals from them. Guess what? I went for about 2 years and nothing, no signals at all. I finally said what the hell and started trying again. I asked a couple girls out, tried to meet new ones by going to a younger church (was religious at the time) and no dice there either. After I screwed up with the girl I worked with I kind of gave up for another two years. Just in the past 2-3 months I've asked FIVE girls out. One was looking to rebound and got back together with her ex, one just flat out refused to give me her phone number, one said she would go with me then never responded to texts again, one I gave my number to and she never texted me and just recently: there was a girl that works at a restaurant I go to that I've talked to a couple times. The second time I talked to her I asked her her name, went through the whole deal for what must've been 10-20 minutes. Gave her my number and told her I'd enjoy getting to chat with her and she didn't have anything to do with me either.

Edited August 18, 2011 by robertdawson

[Floridaman]

Keep your eyes open for activities where you might meet eligible people.

Spotted this announcement through facebook about a Philadelphia hunger relief organization.

 

-------------------------------

Mackin’ & Packin’ at Philabundance

http://ow.ly/69Of2

August 30, 2011

Join Philabundance for our first ever Singles’ Sorting Night.

Mix, mingle and sort food with like-minded individuals from the area all while supporting a great cause.

 

Meet & Mingle- begins 5:30pm

8:30pm to 10:30pm- McFadden’s at the Ball Park

 

The fun doesn’t stop at Philabundance. Join us afterwards at McFadden’s at the Ball Parkfor great drink specials from 8:30pm to 10:30pm.

If you’re interested in joining us for this fun filled event, email or call .... to reserve a spot.

Participants must be 18 or older to attend.

Light refreshments will be served. Don’t forget to wear sneakers!

 

-------------------------------

 

 

The marketing pple. at that organization seem sharp. Imagine some of them are single too and know how difficult it is to meet the right people.

 

That hunger relief outfit relies on many volunteers to repack food to distribute to the needy (like the people you see in pledge drives on PBS TV stations).

An org. like that would likely welcome 2-3 hours a week or month of your time...

 

Another poster in an earlier thread mentioned getting involved in charitable groups through donating your time and trying to meet people that way.

Imagine there are many singles in a big city like Philadelphia.

 

My recommendation:

Even if you don't have time to donate to charitable, civic or religous causes (ala food banks, Kiwanis, etc.), add such groups' pages to your facebook page and keep in the loop on what's going on.

You may spot something like this where you could meet someone...

Edited August 31, 2011 by Floridaman

[Floridaman]

You're saying guys that can't get dates should go after the "low hanging fruit".

Like I said, it is likely they don't find these women attractive.

Attraction is in the eye of the beholder.

 

Their success ratio won't go up if they asked these women out because getting a date with a woman you don't find attractive is NOT a success.

If you're a guy in his late 20s and 30s who hasn't even held a girl's hand, methinks any date would be a success.

You don't have to marry these girls. Just go out and date for experience.

A success is getting a date with a woman you find attractive. If you're asking out the "low hanging fruit" more than likely you're just doing it because you have given up on the women you actually ARE attracted to and just can't stand the thought of being however old you are and never having had a girlfriend, been kissed, etc.

That's relevant.

Beggars can't be choosers, though.

 

Are you suggesting that men with this problem just go ask any girl out just to go ahead and get a girlfriend and get some experience fooling around?

I don't see any other reason why you would want to date women you don't find attractive.

If you do are you going to dump her after a while because you've gotten your one girlfriend and your experience fooling around?

What a man/woman does in his/her dating, that's up to them.

Women do the same thing: go out with many guys, dump many at will and move on to the next for seemingly no reason.

I don't recommend "fooling around..." but then again, that's up to them.

If a woman's willing.... what's the problem?

At one point I was so pissed off at being rejected over and over again that I decided I wasn't going to ask any women out until I noticed signals from them. Guess what? I went for about 2 years and nothing, no signals at all. I finally said what the hell and started trying again.

That was a little extreme. 2 yrs. is a long time.

Sorry to hear that. Women generally aren't initiators.

 

I asked a couple girls out, tried to meet new ones by going to a younger church (was religious at the time) and no dice there either.

Churches can be hit-and-miss.

The point is, you're more likely to find someone of similar lifestyle if you profess a certain faith...

 

Just in the past 2-3 months I've asked FIVE girls out.

That's a good thing.

One was looking to rebound and got back together with her ex, one just flat out refused to give me her phone number, one said she would go with me then never responded to texts again, one I gave my number to and she never texted me and just recently: there was a girl that works at a restaurant I go to that I've talked to a couple times. The second time I talked to her I asked her her name, went through the whole deal for what must've been 10-20 minutes. Gave her my number and told her I'd enjoy getting to chat with her and she didn't have anything to do with me either .

Those reject reasons weren't so great and am sorry you experienced all that.

Just goes to show you human nature.

Not everyone is going to be attracted to you, for whatever reason.

 

Me too experienced a lot of frustration in my 20s. Women were ambivalent. Maybe got to date some, but trying for another date, that was hard.

They were busy. Were getting back with an EX. and on and on and on...

Not to hijack the thread with my personal issues, but thanks for your suggestions.

However, I have tried things like you've mentioned before and have had no success.

Regret not responding to your post earlier.

You're not hijacking it and it is pertinent.

These are merely suggestions. Never said they're guaranteed.

 

One thing is guaranteed:

------if you don't try anything and stay locked up in your apt. at night after work and don't go out much on the weekend except to do laundry and groceries, you won't get anywhere with women..

After I screwed up with the girl I worked with I kind of gave up for another two years.

Robert,

Sounds like you need a pep-talk.

Sitting on the bench during the game doesn't sound like any kind of solution.

[chphan]

Very good topic Floridaman. I'll have to keep this one in mind all the time.

[binny]

Very interesting thread with some very good advice.

 

I didn't notice any advice for women though. I'm female and I never seem to get asked out on a date. I work in a male dominated field and as a result have a quite few male friends. Some of my closer male friends have told me that I'm not unattractive but they say it's because I "don't make an effort". For example, I won't wear make up everyday and when I do I tend to keep the look quite natural so it's sometimes hard to tell if I'm wearing makeup. In my previous position, I would get very dirty, oil all over my hands etc.. So it never really made sense to me to wear make up everyday as it wasn't appropriate. Also, I don't want to be one of those girls who can't leave the house without make up or has to go to the bathroom every couple of hours to touch up her make up.. Is the fact that I don't wear make up and that my hair isn't always perfect a big deal to guys?

 

I'm also incapable of flirting.. I just don't seem to know how to let a guy know I am interested in him.. How I could hint at a guy that I am interested?

 

I'm not very confident so I'm not that kind of girl who can't just ask guys out.. I have plucked up the courage in the past asked a guy out, but it's not something I could do to a random guy whom I don't really know.. I know this might sound old fashioned, but I just prefer for the guy to ask me..

[Floridaman]

Very interesting thread with some very good advice.

Welcome to the thread, Binny.

Thanks for posting to keep it from "timing out."

I think LS threads "lock up" if no posts in 60 days, though someone told me the OP (me here) can add comments. Not sure if I can "update" a thread and others can follow.

I didn't notice any advice for women though.

Though I originally intended this thread to help the rash of shy, virgin or "inexperienced" guys in their late 20s and on who can't get dates,

the title of this thread is

_For those who can't get dates in their late 20s, 30s and 40s , so females are welcome.

 

I now read many women suffer this affliction too. So this thread can certainly include ladies like you.

Perhaps we can link those shy guys who post on LS (SomeDude, HardDay'sNight, etc., with gals like you, Binny.

I'm female and I never seem to get asked out on a date. I work in a male dominated field and as a result have a quite few male friends.

That should be good, as you are fortunate to have access to men.

Could be worse. My wife used to work in a female-dominated field and didn't meet a lot of guys until me.

Some of my closer male friends have told me that I'm not unattractive but they say it's because I "don't make an effort". For example, I won't wear make up everyday and when I do I tend to keep the look quite natural so it's sometimes hard to tell if I'm wearing makeup. In my previous position, I would get very dirty, oil all over my hands etc.. So it never really made sense to me to wear make up everyday as it wasn't appropriate. Also, I don't want to be one of those girls who can't leave the house without make up or has to go to the bathroom every couple of hours to touch up her make up..

Not an expert on makeup, but that wouldn't be a problem to me.

The opposite seems problematic.

A bright attractive blonde I once dated in my late 20s, she was CONSTANTLY going to the ladies room to reapply makeup.

On one of our dates, she met me at the place and immediately panicked bec. she thought she didn't have ENOUGH makeup, so fled to the women's room... I tried to stop her...

Is the fact that I don't wear make up and that my hair isn't always perfect a big deal to guys?

Not a problem for me, but I would try to look decent when in public. Am thinking you look fine in public....

I'm also incapable of flirting.. I just don't seem to know how to let a guy know I am interested in him.. How I could hint at a guy that I am interested?

Understand women can give subtle hints, like "always being around the guy" or getting into conversation with him and saying how you know about that topic or like that activity or would be interested in learning more about that thing he's talking about...

 

That could subtlely help steer in his mind the idea to ask you to join him at such an activity (visit crafts fair, wine festival, symphony performance, football game, etc.).

 

Disclaimer: am not an expert on women getting guys interested, so hopefully some female posters here can chime in.

 

You're right.

Though some women initiate, few approach.

I never had one suggest a date to me, though I wouldn't have been opposed to it.

I got into a long debate with another shy guy on another board who seemed to think women "should put some effort into it too" and "it should be a 50-50 thing..."

Not in reality.

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=392299&p=4942334&viewfull=1#post4942334

 

I'm not very confident so I'm not that kind of girl who can't just ask guys out.. I have plucked up the courage in the past asked a guy out, but it's not something I could do to a random guy whom I don't really know..

 

I know this might sound old fashioned, but I just prefer for the guy to ask me..

Agree. If you don't feel confident, don't by any means approach guys.

 

You're 25 Binny, which is still quite young, so no need to panic or get worried. 25 is when this shy guy "woke up" and decided to more seriously pursue women.

[ChessPieceFace]

Maybe you are genuinely trying to help, but try not to have the attitude that "everyone can find love!" cause I don't believe that is the case. Some people are just wired completely wrong. While it may TECHNICALLY be possible for them to fix it, it would take so much endless effort and so much changing of who they are that it simply might not be worth it for them, especially if they are happy alone 90% of the time. I am one of those people.

 

Theory question - if someone was so weird or messed up, that they could only find love with ONE other person in the world. That person existed, but just one. They could go on one date a day, with one new person a day, for a total of 20,000 dates for the rest of their life. Say they narrowed down the search from 3.5 billion women in the world, to a pool of 100 million. That would make a 1 / 5000 chance of them ever finding their "soul mate." Is it really worth spending their life on all that effort, for such a tiny chance?

 

I say - definitely not. Just be happy alone.

[AHardDaysNight]

The thing people need to understand is that sex is a need. It's even on Maslow's Pyramid, at the bottom, for most basic needs.

 

For those who don't experience love and sex, we tend to feel left out and depressed, because we don't have that need fulfilled.

 

It's not something I'm making up. Look it up.

[binny]

I now read many women suffer this affliction too. So this thread can certainly include ladies like you.

Perhaps we can link those shy guys who post on LS (SomeDude, HardDay'sNight, etc., with gals like you, Binny.

 

I wish I knew where guys like them hide in real life, or perhaps it is me that is hiding!

 

That should be good, as you are fortunate to have access to men.

Could be worse. My wife used to work in a female-dominated field and didn't meet a lot of guys until me.

 

I have no interest in the guys that I work with. They are nice guys, just not my type of guy, if that makes sense. A lot of them are also married with kids..

 

Not an expert on makeup, but that wouldn't be a problem to me.

The opposite seems problematic.

A bright attractive blonde I once dated in my late 20s, she was CONSTANTLY going to the ladies room to reapply makeup.

On one of our dates, she met me at the place and immediately panicked bec. she thought she didn't have ENOUGH makeup, so fled to the women's room... I tried to stop her...

 

 

Not a problem for me, but I would try to look decent when in public. Am thinking you look fine in public....

 

 

I once saw a tv program which was about a woman who was married and her husband had never seen her without make up. She gets up before him just to put make up on. I NEVER want to be that girl. I feel sorry for girls who don't have the confidence to not wear any make up. Although make up can enhance a womans features, I also think that too much make up can make a woman look ugly.

 

I hope I look fine in public! Problably not the sexiest girl who turns all the guys heads though..

 

You're 25 Binny, which is still quite young, so no need to panic or get worried. 25 is when this shy guy "woke up" and decided to more seriously pursue women.

 

It's not really the inexperience that bothers me.. It's the fact that the majority of my friends are now getting married, in long term relationships that will eventually lead to marriage.. They will probably start having kids soon! And I just feel left behind and missing out on the company that you get by being in a relationship.. Although I think it would take me a while to adjust to being in a relationship as I've become so used to being alone and having things my way..

[binny]

Maybe you are genuinely trying to help, but try not to have the attitude that "everyone can find love!" cause I don't believe that is the case. Some people are just wired completely wrong. While it may TECHNICALLY be possible for them to fix it, it would take so much endless effort and so much changing of who they are that it simply might not be worth it for them, especially if they are happy alone 90% of the time. I am one of those people.

 

Theory question - if someone was so weird or messed up, that they could only find love with ONE other person in the world. That person existed, but just one. They could go on one date a day, with one new person a day, for a total of 20,000 dates for the rest of their life. Say they narrowed down the search from 3.5 billion women in the world, to a pool of 100 million. That would make a 1 / 5000 chance of them ever finding their "soul mate." Is it really worth spending their life on all that effort, for such a tiny chance?

 

I say - definitely not. Just be happy alone.

 

I agree with some of what you said.. But I am still hopeful that my soul mate is out there and that we will one day find each other..

[Duckduckgoose]

Giving this a bump, Floridaman is spot on!

[somedude81]

I have no interest in the guys that I work with. They are nice guys, just not my type of guy, if that makes sense.

Now I'm wondering how many guys you've rejected.

 

I take it guys don't come on to you that often and you've turned down them all?

 

What about the guys you work with makes them not interesting to you?

[fishtaco]

I agree with some of what you said.. But I am still hopeful that my soul mate is out there and that we will one day find each other..

 

Sorry, make up or not, you have to learn to flirt.

 

Of course, you could always get lucky... luck trumps all. But a woman that doesn't flirt is like a guy that never asks out a woman. If you don't do it, unless lady luck throws you a bone, nothing is going to happen. Sorry, that's just how it is. I've had to learn to approach women, it wasn't natural to me either.

[AHardDaysNight]

Sorry, make up or not, you have to learn to flirt.

 

Of course, you could always get lucky... luck trumps all. But a woman that doesn't flirt is like a guy that never asks out a woman. If you don't do it, unless lady luck throws you a bone, nothing is going to happen. Sorry, that's just how it is. I've had to learn to approach women, it wasn't natural to me either.

 

Agreed, both are very important.

[Alexz]

@Floridaman

 

You're a good man. Your posts are really spot on.

 

 

 

I do have one question. Well, I am really intrigued by a person I barely know, and there seems to be a sort of chemistry between us. I only see her on the bus back from uni to my apartment. We exchange smiles and glances, but I really am not sure how to make it a bit more of a concrete established interaction. I would most definitely ask her out for coffee, but there's the ambiguity of everything hanging in there (Maybe she has a BF, you know?). Being an introverted individual (not shy, I'm confident, very introspective), I am not exactly sure what to do. I thought its either gently approach her and inquire, or give her a sweet note. Either a good idea? Thanks for reading.

Edited October 17, 2011 by Alexz

[somedude81]

Next time you see her, go over to her, "Hey you're always on the same bus as me." She might smile or laugh and that's it. Say bye to her when either of you gets off.

 

Next time you see her say hi. If she reacts positively ask her if she's done for the day. If she seems open to talk ask her what she had that day and let the conversation flow. The next time you see her you can ask her out or just talk to her again.

 

That's pretty much the steps I did to ask out a girl I only saw on the bus. Once I got to know her she turned out to be pretty cool and we had several things in common. So I told her, "Hey you're pretty cool, lets go get some lunch there's a restaruant at the stop after yours." "Oh I'm sorry, I'm going to a friends house and he's waiting for me."

 

And I knew it was over with her. But it can work.

[binny]

Now I'm wondering how many guys you've rejected.

 

I take it guys don't come on to you that often and you've turned down them all?

 

What about the guys you work with makes them not interesting to you?

 

Correct. The only guys that come on to me are complete players.. and I honnestly have no interest in dating a player. The decent guys I work with, in general are a fair bit older than me, married with kids. Otherwise, complete players.. For example, there was one guy who kept making advances towards me, he's engaged, has 2 kids but says him and his "fiance" have an agreement that they are allowed to have "fun" with other people.. Now I'm totally not into that kinda thing, I honnestly find it disgusting.. Not to mention a lot of the other guys have 2 - 3 kids, all with a different girl who they are no longer with.. Again, I know this limits me slightly, but I would ideally want a guy with no baggage like that.. it would be different if he was widowed or something, but I have no interest in dating a guy who has baggage just because he was promiscuous..

 

I realise that it's very rare to find a guy who is not promiscuous.. But I just live in hope that there is one out there for me.. Maybe I just live in a dream world and I'll be alone forever...

 

 

Sorry, make up or not, you have to learn to flirt.

 

Of course, you could always get lucky... luck trumps all. But a woman that doesn't flirt is like a guy that never asks out a woman. If you don't do it, unless lady luck throws you a bone, nothing is going to happen. Sorry, that's just how it is. I've had to learn to approach women, it wasn't natural to me either.

 

Agreed... Any tips on how to flirt?

[fishtaco]

Agreed... Any tips on how to flirt?

 

Look like the women in rap videos? Just kidding.

 

I don't know, I'm a guy, so I don't know how to attract guys. What I've seen is women would hint then create opportunities for you to approach them. But really, other women (successful ones) are way more qualified than I am to answer that.

 

But I can tell you it gets easier with practice. Dating is not magic. It's like any other skill. The more you do it, the better you get at it. My experience dating men... zero. Hence unfortunately I can't give you any practical advice.

[Alexz]

Next time you see her, go over to her, "Hey you're always on the same bus as me." She might smile or laugh and that's it. Say bye to her when either of you gets off.

 

Next time you see her say hi. If she reacts positively ask her if she's done for the day. If she seems open to talk ask her what she had that day and let the conversation flow. The next time you see her you can ask her out or just talk to her again.

 

That's pretty much the steps I did to ask out a girl I only saw on the bus. Once I got to know her she turned out to be pretty cool and we had several things in common. So I told her, "Hey you're pretty cool, lets go get some lunch there's a restaruant at the stop after yours." "Oh I'm sorry, I'm going to a friends house and he's waiting for me."

 

And I knew it was over with her. But it can work.

 

Thanks for the advice.

[somedude81]

Correct. The only guys that come on to me are complete players.. and I honnestly have no interest in dating a player. The decent guys I work with, in general are a fair bit older than me, married with kids. Otherwise, complete players.. For example, there was one guy who kept making advances towards me, he's engaged, has 2 kids but says him and his "fiance" have an agreement that they are allowed to have "fun" with other people.. Now I'm totally not into that kinda thing, I honnestly find it disgusting.. Not to mention a lot of the other guys have 2 - 3 kids, all with a different girl who they are no longer with.. Again, I know this limits me slightly, but I would ideally want a guy with no baggage like that.. it would be different if he was widowed or something, but I have no interest in dating a guy who has baggage just because he was promiscuous..

 

I realise that it's very rare to find a guy who is not promiscuous.. But I just live in hope that there is one out there for me.. Maybe I just live in a dream world and I'll be alone forever...

OK, so your job doesn't sound like the right environment to date.

 

Did you go to college? How was dating there?

Thanks for the advice.

Hope it works for you.

 

Hardest part is just breaking the ice.

[Floridaman]

I'm also incapable of flirting.. I just don't seem to know how to let a guy know I am interested in him.. How I could hint at a guy that I am interested?

Good question.

As I'm a man, not sure what I can add on women flirting, but men do notice when women shower or pay us attention.

 

Your question brought to mind this 1960s pop hit that might help answer some of your questions.

 

Wishin' and Hopin' - Dusty Springfield (1965)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClZOx9pAXlk

 

Okay, it's simplistic. It's a song, after all, not a dating course, but I think the concept could help you.

 

Though sung by a woman, the song was written by men.

So you get a man's viewpoint in this.

 

Hal David and Burt Bacharach, two leading and quality songwriters of great popular 1960s and 1970s songs performed by many artists.

 

 

 

LYRICS:

 

Wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'

Plannin' and dreamin' each night of his charms

That won't get you into his arms

 

So if you're lookin' to find love you can share

All you gotta do is

Hold him and kiss him and love him

And show him that you care

 

Show him that you care just for him

Do the things he likes to do

Wear your hair just for him, 'cause

You won't get him

Thinkin' and a-prayin'

Wishin' and hopin'

 

Just wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'

Plannin' and dreamin' his kiss is the start

That won't get you into his heart

 

So if you're thinkin' how great true love is

All you gotta do is

Hold him and kiss him and squeeze him and love him

Yeah, just do it and after you do, you will be his

You will be his, you will be his.

 

 

 

 

I tend to post many songs that relate to some of these topics on LS bec. such things are often expressed well in music.

Edited October 18, 2011 by Floridaman

[Alexz]

Hope it works for you.

 

Hardest part is just breaking the ice.

 

Heh, I am not too bad at initiating conversation. Just hope its reciprocated.

[Floridaman]

Did you go to college? How was dating there?

 

Lots of people don't do well at dating in college.

I tried to date, and went on some dates, but nothing really ever clicked.

Some women told me no.

 

Of course, me bein' shy didn't really help things, still I thought I needed to be out there dating.

Vividly recall talking to a nice lady at a mixer the college religious group put on at someone's home, say at the Univ. Methodist Student Union...

 

She and I hit it off well, but I wasn't great at carrying a conversation and think it ended prematurely.

I could have asked her more about her field of study, where she's from, what she likes to do in her free time, etc.

Then, if I found I knew about any of those, or didn't but was interested, could talked more about those interests of her's. People like to talk about themselves and you showing a woman you're interested in her life and what she does, that looks good for a guy. Genuine interest.

 

Would have been relatively easy to naturally work into the conversation that there's a movie by that director or a crafts fair (she says she likes antiques) coming up and could have asked her to join me the following weekend in that activity...

 

Nope. Wasn't very smart then.

 

 

No one told me it would be much more difficult to find women to date after college, when you're more isolated in your apt. and at work.

 

For those in college, or older adults who've returned to school, use your time wisely as the dating pool could become much smaller.

Edited October 18, 2011 by Floridaman