giveittofate Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 glad, I could help direct you away from checking her sh*t and making yourself feel even more in the dumps...good job on applying for jobs and recognizing you're not desperate enough for a typical retail gig. and thank you silver, for talking sense in to me about NOT asking her to grab drinks and a movie...you're right I already have one meeting set up for dinner sunday (although knowing the new person she became it wouldnt surprise me if she backed out last minute even with this being her idea)...we haven't spoken since a few brief texts over the weekend...should I wait til it gets closer to the weekend to set plans in stone? or should I call her maybe tonight just to see how she's been (regarding her cousin who died and how she's holding up...even though I know she's been out partying and all a few times since the passing...i guess everyone copes differently, but hitting the club/bar scene when something "traumatic and extremely hard to deal with" happens seems a bit strange to me...that would be the last place i'd want to be...does that seem a little weird to anyone else that she's behaving like that after such a tragic event?...or am I looking too much in to it?
ccfan Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Hello guys, I´ll post longer later on just wanted to share this song that i think all of us will feel identified with it, at least i do... Johnny Cash knew his stuff about girls
giveittofate Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 pretty accurate song there cc...I love the stigma that guys are the only dirtballs in relationships and girls are the only one's who get hurt and screwed over. anyways, hope you guys are doing good...as for me the ex sent me a text asking if we're still on for sunday, so looks like it'll be going down...It's weird, because I'm excited to see her, yet at the same time i get a little fearful that this could really backfire...guess we don't know unless we try....and trust me silver, my expectations are low...not going to lie, I do have fantasy scenarios i can't stop running through my mind...but they're just that...fantasies...oh well tomorrow's the day, wish me luck. how you guys been?
ccfan Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Hey there guys, ok, it´s monday! fate, give us a full report on the date brother, hope it went well, i have so much in my mind regarding of how many directions the date with her could have gone, and also if i were in your shoes, I, like you, would also have those fantasy scenarios were all things would go back to what they used to be... it´s totally normal brother... please let us know how did it go, cant wait. silver, yes man.... i too, miss or used to miss her way more when i did go out with girls i didnt find attractive, maybe the mind has the ex still on the pedestal, hence, you feel blue after hanging with girls that arent your ex... that being said, it´s a necesary step to recover, female companionship is SO good for rebuilding the self steem. As for the dreams about her, believe me man, thats all because you saw her that day at the mall, like i said seeing someone that caused so much pain it´s really hard on both concious and subconcious level... and i think that you´ll get rid of that mental "virus" in a coulpe weeks, as long as you go back to strick NC. In here i´ve been seeing a lot of girls, i mean a lot, on saturday i went on a date, and today on sunday i went on two dates, all three of them i ended up making out with the girls, getting sexual with one of them.. my friends here are joking saying that "i´m on fire" , that i have the "stench" and so on.. for sure i prefer to be like this than miserable thinking about the ex, like i´ve been for sooo long, the only girl that i really like was the one i took to the movies last week, but she´s dead broke so she´s always taking jobs all over the place, ending up with having no time, and/or being totally exausted when she´s free... she tells me to please be patient, that time will appear... well see about that. The thing with all this dating stuff is that i find that i cannot trust them at all and that after what happened to me i´d never fall in love again... a total hassle, because i don´t want to be dating forever, but so far, my mind doesnt even allow the thought of even having a crush on someone... All of this courtesy of my ex... hope to hear from you guys... lets all have a terrific week
giveittofate Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 HEY GUYS! sorry for the long delay Hope you guys had a sweet weekend...anything new fellas? how we feeling? well, as for me the meet up went decent I'd say...wasn't really awkward at all...we joked a good amount and shared some laughs, caught up a bit on life and just enjoyed conversation and all for about an hour and a half...i made sure not to bring up the past...a tiny bit came out, where she said how she was a little harsher than she had to be, and I explained how I was very immature and without experiencing what I did, I would never have learned my lesson and fully understood relationships (which is 100% true, I was a selfish dick a ton)...I also found out she's partying quite a bit and seems to be drinking more now than I remember her ever...yet she's 22 and in college, so thats not too abnormal i guess....she has been through a lot with everything since us breaking up (grandma and cousin dying, the break up, stress with school)...she even admitted she acts like a hardass a lot and hides her true feelings around people...but I know she has had it rough....i guess part of me is a little happier to know her life isn't completely sunny skies and happiness, since we ended...it makes me feel more normal, because I felt so depressed for sooo long, and still def have my week moments...it's not like she's out living the fantasy life ya know?. am I glad we meet up....yes for the most part...it was civil and i did enjoy seeing her face. I won't lie to you fellas, i really still have a lot of feeling for her, yet they changed a bit...i feel on edge a lot at times thinking of her or communicating with her...guess it's my brain and heart protecting myself from the pain right?...i was always the dude that said whatever and always had the upper hand (even though that's not the way it should be really) now Im a bit more hesitant i noticed and question myself around her...I will also say that this communication has triggered me a bit into wanting to keep it going....I often times find myself checking my phone and hoping....i guess since she was my first love I'll always have special feelings for her, which sucks still at times, but i guess its a part of growing and learning. I know she goes to therapy and she had a rough upbringing, and as much as I fantasize about her becoming an awesome well balanced person with her emotions and feelings I always look at what a crazy lady her mom is and how she got 3 divorces in her late 30's....i still love the girl, but reality sometimes smacks me in my face and has me thinking she might end up like that...especially with her baggage already. so yeah, I'm happy i saw her and it went decent, yet I'm sad she's not the cool girl who begged to hang with me and talked everyday...definitely has it's up and downs with this meeting....we'll see how it transpires with time...i just want to have feelings for a girl again, yet i'm only 25, so i have TONS of time...i remember you saying CC that you thought you'd never like a girl again and you'd always feel lonely, yet you found girls again and again....just have to be patient and wait for someone special or fate to work? also, is it too early to ask her to grab a drink and movie one night soon? I mean she was the one who brought up sushi....give me some feedback fellas, also what's new in your guys lives?
ccfan Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) How are you guys doing...!? Fate, my brother... i was expecting that your date was going to be like it did, smooth and painless, crongrats brother for having the discipline of not mentioning the past with her and even recognizing your own mistakes. In my opinion there was a somewhat red flag from the past and it´s the kardashian thing of her drinking even more and partying more, like you said maybe since she´s so young it´s normal or even acceptable, i don´t know, but the fact that she´s still on that route with even all the problems she has in her life is something to keep in mind if you ever want to get back together with this girl again... ... wich brings me to my next point: you want her back and still love her, so you REALLY need to be careful of not letting her "friend-zone" you (like silver said) , this past date was cool not to bring anything, but it seems that you guys will be hanging around some more and it´s very important that the intentions of the dates are clear, so you don´t get the old "you got me wrong, i was going out as a friend" line. Remember that some girls are masters into easing their guilt by trying to slowly sending us to the friend zone (my ex tried, but failed) ... so please try to be clear with her as were are this dates going... if she says that reconciliation is a possibility,ok, do it but still be VERY careful and never forget all the pain she did to you... On the other hand if she even remotely suggest that she just want to be friends, then walk away and dissapear for good.... otherwise its another rounf of pain that you dont want nor deserve in your life. Is there any other activity planed with her so far? are you guys talking/texting now?? I´m SO glad you are getting what appears to be a second chance, but please brother be really, extremely careful with this situation... something tells me that she might be setting those dates to ease her guilt and to keep you there as an option , but not as a priority, but then again, i´m hurt by a girl so my judgment might not be the best right now. Keep us posted here brother. Silver. in the same boat as you man... sleeping terrible, nightmares and walking around really tired during the day, and flashbacks of the things she did again... a total hassle. It think you bumping into her caused all this, that´s why i´m dead scared of bumping into mine, that being said, it´s JUST a setback, you are definetely not on day one of the BU , you know actually to me it helps to go to sleep with some of those cheesy distant storm/ rain cd´s. In here, still seeing girls... one seems particulary interested in me, but something in me tells me not to take this girl any serious at all, is the one thats a model: a tall drop dead gorgeous 25 year blonde, she seems like a 2.0 version of my ex: younger, taller, hotter... but she looks (i might be wrong) like she could be even more trouble than the ex... so as for now and as crazy it may seem , im not too much into that girl, not letting myself get attached or maybe my ex made me not trust in any girl .... who knows..... but like Johnny Cash said... still a solitary man! Edited June 3, 2011 by ccfan
ccfan Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 I miss her constantly. For those that can relate: Bro... what an amazing tune for this season of our lives... thanks for posting that song... stay strong
giveittofate Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Hey dudes, I actually just got in town again. I was on a work trip, which was pretty good. FINALLY A DAY OFF! So, yeah right before I left like a week ago I did run by grabbing a drink and seeing a movie with my ex, and I said no harm either way....her response was she has to work (which she does work night very often, so im sure that was believable, yet she didn't say anything about maybe later or another time) Since then it's been NC. I hear what you both are saying on staying out of the friends zone, that could lead to a lot of pain in some ways I could imagine, so I appreciate your guys take on that. CC, you're right my man a few red flags were there...I don't even think I mentioned when I called her the day of the get together her and her mom were screaming at each other right when she picked up...more dysfunction...and yeah, i know she's confused, she even admits herself that she can hide her feelings and emotions well (very unhealthy and robot like to me, but that's how she handles things she says)...I guess i'm lucky to have had such a privileged life so far, with this girl being the only real bad luck situation in my 25 years so far. I think she's really struggling to find herself now as she is always so hot and cold with sooo many things in life now. as I write this i'm telling you guys I KNOW IF WE EVER GOT BACK OR THINGS GOT BETTER WITH US EVER, SHE'D ALWAYS HAVE SOME PROBLEMS AND I THINK THERE'S A VERY, VERY GOOD CHANCE IT WOULD BE TOO DAMAGED TO FEEL THE SAME LOVE AGAIN...yet why do I at times wish for her back?...i really don't get that. so, overall I'm pretty good, I have my ups and sure have some low parts eacch day thinking of things I wish we could do together now...but I am having fun and life is pretty good overall, so I can't complain too much...just have to fight off those bad waves of sadness when they come...luckily it seems they are slowing down. I think I'm going to try one more time for a meet up again. Grab some drinks and a movie is what I'll propose. If she says no, well then I'm done trying to maintain ANY communication between us...and trust me I'll stick to that...I've gone NC with her for a month and 3 months sepreately, until she broke it, so I know I can....one last effort until it starts again....so guys, should I call or text her asking her out? A text would be much easier, but what do you dudes think is the right move? a call could def turn awkward ya know. Silver, it's summer man, you love baseball so start going with your buds to the game. how's the job search going too? I hope you're applying for jobs you'll enjoy...screw mediocre, boring jobs...go for the ones YOU like and want...and as far as missing her constantly, well I'm 6 months out of mine and I still have times where I get that punch in the gut of sadness and fear. I've come a long way though and those moments don't haunt me as much...life's handed you some ****ty curve balls, they can only come for so long. Yo'll get your breaks again soon my friend...hope this week is better for you. CC, i find myself in a similar boat to you. I have a a pretty cute chick who's doing and internship as an anchor woman out of state that wants to hang out...she comes back this weekend for a visit with her family and all, and she is definitly a good looking girl, yet like you I just don't think I'm feeling it. We might go out though, so I'll let you know how it goes...i think it says a lot about your healing process that you've been able to go on all these dates. I mean if you seemed beaten down and depressed, girls wouldnt be into you all that much, so you're doing something right....still got your mojo my man...but for me and you too I believe, seeing new girls can really make you miss your ex more, but it's a risk we have to be willing to take I guess and part of beating this sickness we have...any girls sparking your interest from these dates? any possible proscpects? well fellas I got the day off, so I'm going boating with some friends and some girls they invited...I will say theres a good chance these girls will be quite dumb, but look good, so maybe I'll drink a lot to not realize how retarded they are...cheers to some fun for all this week...I WONT LET MY EX RUIN MY SUMMER.
ccfan Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 (edited) I KNOW IF WE EVER GOT BACK OR THINGS GOT BETTER WITH US EVER, SHE'D ALWAYS HAVE SOME PROBLEMS AND I THINK THERE'S A VERY, VERY GOOD CHANCE IT WOULD BE TOO DAMAGED TO FEEL THE SAME LOVE AGAIN Fate, good to hear from you my brother! that was a very cool post, you have a great energy going on for you and you are definetely on your way out of the nightmare. I highlited that line you wrote, because, honestly i think it´s 100% spot on. I´ll get to the center of your post right away. In my opinion, yes. If you are already half way into finding out for good if a second chance is possible or not, then definetely invite your ex for drinks/movies. The way i see it it´s a win win (still can cause pain i know) situation for you, because if you ask her out one of two things will happen: 1. She says yes. then you have a second date in wich you can make clear the intentions of these get togethers and could test if you are still into her (yes, our exes have to win us back as well, we often forget that). Also by talking to her you´ll tell if there are more red flags like her figthing with her mother or her being an out of control kardashian. But again brother, you must make clear one way or the other what your intentions are with this girl, avoiding at ALL cost becoming a "friend" 2. She says no/ not answering back. Still a win win (after the initial shock and pain that is) because for one, you can get out of this mindgame that she seems to be setting up to you for good. And also good because when you look back or miss her in the upcoming weeks or months you´ll have peace of mind that you did all you could to make it work and her just didn´t want to, so you will not beat yourself with the classic "i should have done this and that" thought. Now, i would not call her at all. I think a text message or an email in a very relaxed manner will be more than enough, actually a text message is plain good. Like you said if she tells you she´s busy, ok, good, but she has to suggest a solid day in the near future to go out. watch out because here is when they usually say in a cool manner that they can´t but "well talk" .... this is only done because they doesn´t want to be with us but they enjoy having us in the backburner as an ego fix and gilt reliever, DO NOT FALL FOR THIS! if she does not go out, nor propose a future date then thats the final clousure that you need. And like Houdini, you will need to disappear from her life, this time for good. My gut feeling tells me that even though we miss our exes , we are realizing little by little how toxic there were to us, like you, I feel that my ex was the biggest curse in my life, but for sure at least i learned a lot about that experience. As far as the new girl (is she working on tv as well? the anchor word gave me that impression) i would say you should go out all simple and nice... we are both not ready for a second relationship, and sadly im realizing (probably you and silver did too) that it´s going to take a long time for me to give a person complete control over me by falling in love. I´m not ready nor nearly ready to risk my life all over again. But that being said, we need to heal, and part of that if showing and teaching to our brains that our exes are not unique or that especial and that there are a ton of nice, loving girls outthere. And last -but not least- yes, once you start going out and sleeping with new girls, unless the girl is alessandra ambrosio, your mind will trick you thinking and comparing your ex, especially after sex... my mind is doing a lot. So only go out with girls you really like, and think that it could work because otherwise is a recipe for a setback. Glad to hear that you are going to enjoy the summer, and that you are kicking ass at the work front my hermano!! that´s the way to go!! as for me still dating and sleeping around, but no serious prospects yet.. oh well... time will tell. From time to time mi ex´s friends send me texts asking to see me , but unfortunatelly i´m not ready for that yet... or maybe never! Silver...!!!! brother!! how are you??? write when you can!! Edited June 8, 2011 by ccfan
OhioLaw1987 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Hey dudes, I know I am knew to this thread, but a lot of what ya'll have been saying really resonates with me right now. Hope you don't mind my participation. My girl and I got back together after a really rotten break up...and guess what? It happened again, yesterday. Not only that, it was on the basis that she found someone else (a guy she met at work...mind you, shes been working there for a week and a half....some commitment level, eh?). This is the same girl who two weeks ago said she wanted to get engaged before summer is over (we are both 26 and entering out final year of law school, and have been together roughly two years, so it is a very plausible thing). BUT....here is what I have concluded: Never, under any circumstances, would I be able to trust a person who can fall out of love so quickly, so completely, and without any real reason as she has done. That conclusion will always be THE conclusion, even though in my heart, I still love her more than I can find the words to express. But without that trust, there cannot be a relationship; I see now that relationships and love are distinct things. They often coincide, but not always...and when they don't, its a problem. I believe she may actually love me, but its not going to be enough for her to be with me, as has been made abundantly clear through her conduct in the last week. The point is, I cannot trust her again, and as such, I cannot be with her again...Ever. And what that fundamentally means is that nothing she does, good or bad, mean or kind, carries any real significance because the end conclusion for me is always the same. (For context, check out my other threads...this has been incredibly emotionally taxing and worn me down to my core). What do you dudes think?
ccfan Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Welcome to the thread ohio! You said it man... once a bond is broken, in reality there´s nothing much to do other than to move on, sometimes second chances do happen, but if too much damage and suffering are hanging from the initial BU , then the second part of the relationship is doomed.. that´s why it´so important to be healed and mentally sharp if a second chance comes along to see if there are red flags like our man fate is noticing in reconecting with the ex (but hopefully this will work out for him!!) It totally sucks what your ex did to you man, and it´s so recent that you must to be in much pain, stay strong brother, it´s hard to be in love with a toxic person, as you know by this thread i´m in the same boat as you , use this time to realize that she might have loved you in the past, but as for now she only loves herself based on how cold and selfish she´s acting. It doesn´t look like her new relationship is going to last at all based on her behaviour with your relationship.. and it doesnt matter what she says or do, she´s not trustworthy and this second time she did some serious damage, to you, unfortunately. I know this is the oldest cliche in the book, but still: you just dodged a bullet I think, that you should go NC right now and start to heal: erase her from your cell, facebook, msn, bbm... any form of comunication known to mankind... and if she comes back crawling DO NOT take her back, do not even listen to her... she had her second chance and she blew it. Big time that is.. We are here, stay strong brother
OhioLaw1987 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Thanks a lot for the kind and inspirational words man! I feel like its time I control my own destiny. I lived 24 years without her, the two have been great, but the next 60 (hopefully!) will be even better. I dont know if she will come crawling back, but my guess is she will. I've seen her do it time and time again. Its her MO, if you will. She "recycles." I wont be her flavor of the week, or a commodity. I am a man, flawed as i may be, with feelings that deserves a person who is going to care about me, and ALL of me, in a non-fleeting way. If anyone wants anything, I am here for you guys too. Its great to know that there are kind, strong, successful guys out there who are dealing with this same unfortunate BS as me. Means a lot dudes, really does!
OhioLaw1987 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 these songs makes me think of my ex....i probably shouldn't listen to them, but I want to at least give context for how I sometimes feel, and hope you guys can help get me to the strong points you all are at, as my breakup is so recent (though, i probably should have seen it coming) that I toggle between clarity and deep pain. The thought of he with another guy, already, is vomit inducing, and it kills me to think she doesnt love me....but maybe she does, and shes simply F*cked up. Sufjan Stevens-"For the Windows In Paradise": Pearl Jam- "Black":
giveittofate Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 CC, man, you gave me a good chuckle with your responses man...truly a pick me up and I really do appreciate it...i'm a pretty big realist and I know my ex well enough to know (or atleast 85% know) that she just came back to me again as a shoulder to cry on and perhaps to know I still feel and care about her 6 months later....I think you're right when you say a quick easy text should do the trick, so maybe in the next few days I'll ask her if she'd be interested to grab a drink, see a flick and have some fun together....but to be honest a part of me doesn't even want to ask, since she can be such a cold ****ty person at times....but like you said atleast I'll know and go into a 100% NC and not be there for her anymore. as for the new chick...I was a senior at college and she was a freshman when I met, so she's a junior now...quite cute and YES SHE WILL BE ON TV....but we'll see she seems a bit flaky at times and not real consisistent, so I don't really care what happens...if it happens and it goes through and we do hang out cool, maybe it'll be a blast or maybe not...and if we dont hang, well thats ok too...time will tell. seems like we're in the same boat cc, I've had a one night stand this past week, and well lets just say it was due to liqour...but you're spot on when you said that can be dangerous and messing with girls your dont like can set you back....im testing the waters and sometimes seeing a glimmer of hope with new girls and sometimes being set back...but we got to get our feet wet to get comfortable again....let's just agree to fix ourselves 100% before we hand our hearts over again ok?..in the meantime let's make the most of this summer and our health and have some fun. new dude, glad to see another guy with similar problems here...I don't have much to add, because cc covered a lot except, she knows you love her and care...she F*CKED UP! not you, so if another chance were to happen, she needs to come back apologizing, and begging for you...but would you really want that after leaving you for another dude?...i know I wouldn't...at times I wish my ex did that because I would 100% know theres no hope, sadly my ex just became a cold robot (she has some baggage and has a hard time dealing with emotions) and pushed me away and acted in her words "like the breakup wasnt real" because she could deal with it better that way...but that reasoning and way of thinking will only last for so long before it blows up on her. you're real fresh to this breakup, so PLEASE understand its completely normal to feel like a zombie and completely sad and crushed by this breakup...i was like that for a good 2 month before I started to regain my life little by litte....now im 6 months out and feeling decent....of course I feel sad at times and miss her, yet it's nothing, i mean NOTHING like the first few months. like cc said, be about dodging a bullet, be happy this happened now instead of 5 years down the road when you're married, with kids, and a house and try dealing with this then....man that would be insanely stressful and crushing. for me personally, I 'm happy i had my relationship with my ex because it opened me up to love and showed me how great it can feel...it also helped me grow up a bit and not be such a selfish ******* where I think my sh*t don't stink (i was like that the first year pretty much)..we lasted a year an a half....so i can personally say I grew a lot and learned a few very valuable life/relationship lessons, so I thank my ex for that....i'm sure you too have a few things you're thankful for from that relationship....i'm a beliver in fate and if somethings meant it'll work. stay strong, don't beg or cry to her, surrond yourself with good ppl and family, and post away
OhioLaw1987 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Hey CC, Do you think there is a chance she comes crawling back? I know that I can't take her back...I would be making a resounding statement that I don't respect myself and my own worth if I did that. But, there is some feeling of vindication to know that she might one day acknowledge she made a mistake (which I think she did). She is very ill, mentally. She has bi-polar, border line personality disorder, and bouts of delusional thinking. Sometimes I wonder if these behaviors from her are because she is manic, or has split me in her mind due to her BPD. Its best that I not think about it, most likely, because its never going to be rational or logical to me because she does not process things in a rational or logical way. The fact that she is now with a guy from work who she has known for only a week or two is rather staggering. He is from England, and I honestly think he seems interesting and is a novelty to her for that reason. I just feel like if its that easy for her to just walk away, even though she has every right to if we are not together, I could not have meant that much to her. I think that given how intense she was with me emotionally, its really distressing that she could change her mind in such a short period of time simply because I overreacted and flipped out when she just stopped talking to me, stopped being affectionate, and was totally pushing me away with absolutely no explanation or attempt to understand why I was confused about the entire situation (we were in an LDR for the summer, and she said "I want some space" after a week of HER calling me like 12 times a day....and this entailed her refusing to speak to me for like days at a time). That kind of inconsistency is a hard pill to swallow for anyone. UGHKKK
OhioLaw1987 Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 I just learned from an email my ex sent to her friend that has the same first name as me (she has a male name, interestingly) that my ex accidentally had cced me on from gmails autofill in the address feature that my ex is sleeping with this British guy. She has known him for 2 weeks, we have been broken up for 1.5 weeks, and as recently as this Monday, she said she still had romantic love for me, despite believing I am not the right guy for her, and that she was not seeing anyone else. Now, I know that I wont be able to make sense of this, but I think at least it has to be one of the following things: (1) she simply lied to me the entire time we got back together, or at least about still having feelings for me currently; (2) she has fallen out of love in a dramatically fast way, which is absolutely destroying me and hurting me if that were to be true; (3) this guy is a rebound who presents somethign really different from me and she is trying to get me out of her head entirely; or (4) she is incapable of not having someone in her life, and since I am removed by distance, I am not close enough in proximity to meet her needs at all times (par for our relationship overall, fyi), and thus she found someone else,and he doesnt know about her faults and problems and she can just be obsessed with him until he is unconditionally there for her, and do this same crap again. Why do I take this? Either way, it makes me feel really insignificant. As you can tell by the volume of my posts, I am really upset and distraught over all of this. I just dont know what to do. I cannot forgive this I dont think. Ever. But why did I let her come back, and why would she even want to come back if she was just going to do this. its like a switch flicked in her head that made me insignificant.
giveittofate Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 CC, Silver...what's going on fellas? It's been a while...any legit prospects cc? silver how you feeling man? any luck on the job front or any luck of any nature? as for me, been busy with work and trying to take advantage of the good weather (in michigan we only have good weather like 6 months a year) since I have the whole weekend off I plan to do some partying, play some tennis, and just be outdoors (unfortunately yard work too...yuck!) I also decided not to contact my ex again for movies and dinner...she has made no effort to say hi to me or check up, so why should I? I'm proud of myself for not giving in, and maybe this is another step in the right direction of healing?...who knows, I still think about her everyday, but seems like it gets less harsh with time...let's hope this continues...also looks like we hired a cute intern at work this week...atleast it'll be some good eye candy hope the weekends are cool for you guys...hope to hear from ya'll soon.
giveittofate Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 well, i went out tonight...and yes, i RAN into my ex AGAIN!...except this time it seems that she was with a new guy....first time I ever seen her with a new dude in my life....it hurt...right now as we speak I feel pain in my chest...it's sooo hard for my brain to comprehend the idea that a yr ago she was beginging to hang out and be with me 24/7, now she's with a new dude...unreal....it's crazy because so many things in my life are going great, yet she can bring me down...i've been on dates, had sex with other girls, been hit on, yet seeing her with another dude really is such a punch to the chest....i'm slightly buzzed now, but today was defintely not a happy day for me....such a bummer because I've been on a pretty decent run...i'm highly thinking about deleting her and all her friends on FB soon...i have them all blocked, yet i can snoop when I want too...anyways this is my rant for today...first time i've felt so small in a while...i'm with ya silver...i feel a little sick to my stomach now. i also passed up sex tonight with a decent chick...i'm done with that i hope...right now i almost hope to save my self for the next girl i truly like...let's hope that's not too far away....time to listen to some decent jams and pass out...man, i havent been like this in a while/
ccfan Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 (edited) it's sooo hard for my brain to comprehend the idea that a yr ago she was beginging to hang out and be with me 24/7 Wow fate... that line hit home with me as well. it´s unbelievable how life can change, totally sucks bro. I feel your pain man, you just lived my WORST nightmare of bumping into my ex and seeing her with another guy, seriously when that happens to me i for sure will cry like a baby once i´m alone, it´s normal to feel absolutely devastated fate, we are here man, so vent away.. did you speak with your ex and the dude or just saw her from the distance, man... what a hassle.. i´m with you brother, really am. Now, i think you gut feeling is guiding you the right way, i had a feeling that your ex was not playing a fair game with you with those dates, and this proves it right, please take drastic measures and erase ALL of them from every form of contact bro, fb, msn, all of it, friends, family, anyone in common that wasn´t your friend before you met her. This crisis is a time for you to cut any ties with her FOR GOOD brother, it´s like when she senses that you are starting to heal she appears in your life infects you with the "virus" and leaves... it totally sucks bro. silver. take your time man, from both this board if you feel the need and from searching the right job for you, you mentioned that you have savings for times like these so keep on focusing on getting over the ex and the kick ass new job will come for sure, use this free time for yourself man. In here having a very tough few days, i caugth one of those tropical viruses, so i´ve been home with fever, vomiting and so on.. that i can take, but i have a thing (and wanted to ask if this happens to you guys as well) that every single time that i get sick my ex come back in my mind BIG time, i relived while burning in fever all the things she did to me, and also my dark side of the brain puts her back on a pedestal by thinking she´s the best girl i could ever get, that she doesn´t even remember me and so on... so i´ve been three days now with the nightmares and the fever... very tough setback for me as well. There´s a girl that i was casually dating, she´s a doctor actually, and really good person.. but i´m simply not feeling much of a conection and she seems to be falling in love with me, i have to be careful as she doesn´t deserve to have her heart broken.. as soon as i get out of this fever thing i´ll have a talk with her.. she has all the qualities to be a good girlfirned, the problem is that (like fate said) i feel i cannot trust any girl by falling in love for now... some part of me doesn´t let me...it totally sucks that an ex can screw our happiness in so many ways ohio, bro, your ex sounds like a highly innestable and selfish person that wants to have the best of both worlds... do not play that game, the fact that shes with another dude so soon should be reason enough for you to move on for good, if she did love you for sure she would not be doing all that stuff... ERASE HE FROM YOUR LIFE. Well.. back to bed guys, i´m incredibly weak... it sucks... Edited June 11, 2011 by ccfan
giveittofate Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 " it´s like when she senses that you are starting to heal she appears in your life infects you with the "virus" and leaves... it totally sucks bro." ^man that is sooo true...it's evil you always cheer me up a little cc, thanks man...truly appreciated...sorry to hear your in such rough shape, probably a good time to catch up on some movies or shows you've been neglecting...I haven't really been sick since my break up luckily, so I can't really answer that question. Holidays are always the worst for me in terms of thinking of my ex. As for you putting your ex back on a pedestal, I feel my ex just got a little higher from seeing her last night. With her you never can tell her true feelings and emotions because she can be a hardass, but damn she loooked to be having a great time. Today has been very rough, I went to a fitting for a tux for my friends upcoming wedding...25 an married, a little too young if you ask me, but whatever makes you happy, and that got me thinking of my ex and all...i've been very anxious all day and for the first time in months couldnt sleep last night due to my ex...it's scares me to have this relapse, but I guess it happens to everyone (atleast, silver and you) there's this big club party my friend is promoting, yet I'm not going. Partly due to me being sad, and also because the chance my ex will be there...i'm also getting a little sick of the clubs now...there's no substance and the girls all seem to be whores and not have brains, so i might take a little break for a while...i feel bad for leaving my friends hanging, but I just can't stomach seeing her again in that surrounding. cc, your a wise good man for not leading that doctor chick on...hopefully karma pays you back kindly. I feel that i'm basing my happiness on finding a girl, which I think is wrong...of course I plan to meet a beautiful good girl in the future and marry her and have kids, but im 25 so I need to realize i have tons of time. overall my happiness scale now is a 3 out of 10...I'm pretty bummed, christmas time it was a 1 out of 10...so i guess it could be worse....well hope you feel better, and I hope this ache in my chest leaves soon...i haven't felt this in a while.
MovingOn13 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Hey guys, Havn;t posted ina while but i have been checkng up this thread eevry now and then. For me, its been 5 or 6 months since the break up and been in NC ever since. Been feeling really good for the most part, pretty much at acceptance although i do miss what we once had, not so much her...if that makes sense. Today i logged onto skype and i saw i had been blocked by her as her contact name has a "?" by it. She blocked me but i have NEVER bothered or tried to skyoe her since the break up. I think i may be making something out of nothing...but it strikes me as a bit interesting. Prior to her blocking me, she always had her skype online status as invisible so i never saw if she was online or not and that helped me continue NC although i neevr felt liek caving.
giveittofate Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Youre right silver...Going out with her 2 weeks ago in a casual way was fun and a pretty decent time, yet seeing her dancing with another guy and laughing with him was pretty hurtful...definitely made me feel a bit ill...since that night I've been pondering calling her up and explaining how life for the most part is good, yet i still care and think about her...probably a bad idea ha, and it seems like Im having a little CC luck in the sense I was sitting around the house watching TV, and my mom asks "so how's she been?..do you ever talk to her anymore, I've been thinking about her lately"....JEEEEZ! she never brings her up, and of course she does right as I'm having this little set back...oh well...just some more curve balls from life.
calndn Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I feel like im never going to get beyone the stage im at now...which is 7 nearly 8 months since the breakup, although really he came back and swiftly left back in March so really its only been 3 months and nc for 6 weeks since the last time i saw him...when he asked me over to his the following night for a movie...i was livid he asked me after everything hes put me through obv i didnt go didnt txt nothing...neither did he and thats that havent heard from him since. Since then my friends have seen him on a date with someone and ive seen things on facebook (we arent friends on there) that makes me think hes going out/seeing someone...but in reality its such a little thing (hes become friends with the sister and sisters husband of the girl i 'think' by process of elimination, hes gone on a date with) I thought that thios action must mean hes seeing this girl...jumped to conclusions that I dont actually know the truth of. But I was doing so well until i saw that. I know feel ive taken some steps backwards it was also my brothers wedding the other day that was quite hard for me, im too young to be married in my eyes but it was still hard to see my brother so in love and wanting what he has. I just feel that although im SO much better than I was 7/8 even 3 months ago I dont feel like ill move any further forward?? Like I will stay like this (still thinking of my ex a lot) and having awful days every now and again but I dont want to be like that anymore im sick of it...exhausted in fact. I want to find somone new but just think its never going to happen xxxx
MovingOn13 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Hey guys i need some advice. I have nto talked to the ex since the day she broke up with me. 5 months later i get a friend req. on facebook. I have not accepted it since i am not interested in facebook. I am at the stage where whether she says or goes for good, i will be ok. The long months of NC helped me becoming stronger and feel like i dont need her because i dont. She never bothered to contact me after the break up...and she went out and partied a ton. I suspect she may be feeling some remorse. My idea is so send an inside joke via fb message just to play with her emotions. The friend request could be her way of testing the waters to see if she could come back or maybe she just wants to snoop around...but the fact she didnt contact me after break up suggests she isnt a snooper. either way i am confused as ****. But i did always have a feeling she would come back.
ccfan Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Hey movingon Tough one brother.... on one hand i know if my ex added me on FB i´d be in the same dilemma, on the other hand i can totally assure you that whatever you see in her FB will be bad news for you, even if there´s no one else involved.. just seeing our exes pics in the newsfeed is a sure and really fast way to sink deeper into the hole. Maybe you can be upfront about it and message her why is she adding you again... if she tells you she misses you, wants to try again and so on ( wich is very unlikely) well is up to you... but if she gives you the old "i want us to be friends" b.s then do not accept the invitation.. because if you do she´ll have her mind at ease knowing that you are still "under her power" and you´ll be suffering when seeing new pictures. Hope this helps.... btw i blocked my ex, so i´ll never know if she even try to re-add me on fb
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