Is there hope?

[Craig2425]

Today was tough when it started. Didn't want to leave my daughter but had to.

One of my friends had tickets go a baseball game and asked if I wanted to go.

I really didn't want to go but I had fun.

I met one of his friends and he was super nice too. They paid for me to go and for food and drinks.

I didn want them to but they just came back with stuff.

It's refreshing to see that people are nice.

Is it Friday yet?

[debtman]

lol...almost...

 

I've been shocked and amazed at the incredible outpouring of help, consideration and true friendship that I've received from family, friends and neighbors through all of this. Just re-enforces to me that I'm a good, likeable person and that I'm surrounded by incredible people...makes life that much sweeter.

 

 

Glad you went to the game and enjoyed yourself!

 

Good luck and keep posting...

[Craig2425]

When someone has a sudden change of heart from wanting to try to wanting a divorce within a month. The ilybnilwy speech. Phone calls to old bf.

Constant blaming me for everything. Throwing out stuff like I was confused but you didn't give me space or I would have but....re writing history and pretty much anything else you can think of like that

They're cheating in some way right?

I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm being beat up non stop and I'm getting the I wasn't with you when I called him. I ran I to him and I needed to know how he was because I just up and left him. He has a gf. I'm not talking or seeing anyone crap.

I'm sick of it. I wish I could just have my kid everyday and not have to deal with her.

I'm sick of no matter what I do it's tge wrong thing or she would have had a different thought if I did this different.

How does doing this make them feel better?

[Steen719]

You know, Craig, my H got mad (and I mean pissed) at me some time ago for asking my brother about a friend of his who I dated before H. It was not serious and he lived 1000 miles away. I was not that interested in him as a bf, but liked him as a friend and as my brother's friend. He is married (was not when I dated him)...I don't even remember where he lives now, has a wife and daughter and I really was just saying "how's he doing, being a director?" I did not even know my STBXH when I dated him. It was 24 years ago, for goodness sake. However, recently (July-August) STBXH has been in touch on facebook and phone calls to a woman he had an affair with 14 years ago. He thinks I overreacted and I should not be upset at all!

 

Are you kidding me?????? Mind you, I have been married for 22 years and I have not even so much as kissed another man! I don't facebook with old bfs, don't flirt with other men and never have had an affair.

 

People who do crap like this have to tell themselves and us these kind of things because they know it is wrong and when they lie to us like this, they think it sounds good and we should believe them. They are so deluded and want us to swallow their crap...hook, line and sinker. DON'T DO IT!! You know what is true...so stick to that and keep on keeping on.

[Saul Goodman]

When someone has a sudden change of heart from wanting to try to wanting a divorce within a month. The ilybnilwy speech. Phone calls to old bf.

Constant blaming me for everything. Throwing out stuff like I was confused but you didn't give me space or I would have but....re writing history and pretty much anything else you can think of like that

They're cheating in some way right?

I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm being beat up non stop and I'm getting the I wasn't with you when I called him. I ran I to him and I needed to know how he was because I just up and left him. He has a gf. I'm not talking or seeing anyone crap.

I'm sick of it. I wish I could just have my kid everyday and not have to deal with her.

I'm sick of no matter what I do it's tge wrong thing or she would have had a different thought if I did this different.

How does doing this make them feel better?

 

Having seen some of my friends become WSs, I'll put it to you this way: Some WSs try their best to end things as cleanly and painlessly for their BS as possible (which isn't easy as you can imagine).

 

Your wife is not one of these WSs. She isn't worth the effort buddy.

 

People who do crap like this have to tell themselves and us these kind of things because they know it is wrong and when they lie to us like this, they think it sounds good and we should believe them.

Well said.

[Craig2425]

Thanks. Just wanted to make sure I'm not going crazy. It's easy to start to believe them or even start to think that everything is my fault.

I don't trust her or ever think I could be with her again it's just not seeing my kid everyday that's getting to me.

[Craig2425]

Any takes on this?

If I don't talk to her she will find a way to contact me. Then if I talk about it , it gets turned around on me then I'm to blame again.

Then she will be nice, then a jerk again.

She text me and asked the job search is going then is trying to help me.

I don't get it. She's not my friend anymore. My friend wouldn't do this.

Maybe she's getting friends and civil mixed up?

 

On the bright side I have my daughter for 5 days in a row!

[BrettLost]

Craig,

 

I'm feelin you man. She wants out, yet ALWAYS finds a way to

 

a) Feel apathetic or helpful to whatever u are facing in life [aside from the actual grief of ur loss] so she seems friendly and caring still.

 

b) Happens to mention randomly how amazing and generally happy she is with her new life...

 

My stbxw is off my fb, but from friends i hear there is WAAAYYYY too much being posted about her fantastic new life, its surreal. A fantasy. Like markets and trends in the real world, not if, but when the bubble bursts......

 

I find it common that these WAW's rarely have jobs, ways to pay for their own existance/life. This leads me to concurr that they will continue to leech off of a man who has money and is stupid enough to share it with them.... maybe not?

 

I think in their minds, being nice and trying to relate to ur side of the coin, justifies they are a good person for keeping things civil. They have ABSOLUTELY no idea of the mental and physical struggle we have ALL been through, just to survive, figure out where to go and stay living without losing the plot.

[Craig2425]

My wife worked so she won't mooch of om but I do agree that she is trying to be nice to make her feel better.

[Saul Goodman]

My wife worked so she won't mooch of om but I do agree that she is trying to be nice to make her feel better.

 

What do you think would be better? Being treated nicely, or being treated like sh_t?

 

I sort of see the way that she is acting like this: Someone purposefully spits on your face than decides to clean it up and apologise to you. On one hand, they are showing some form of compassion to you and are at least capable of feeling guilt over their actions, which is appreciated. On the other hand, it would have been better not to have been spat upon in the first place.

 

You read up on my sitch Craig? Trust me, enjoy the "nice" WS while you can. The alternative is much worse.

 

Anyway, enjoy spending time with your daughter buddy. You both deserve it after all of this rubbish.

[Craig2425]

What do you think would be better? Being treated nicely, or being treated like sh_t?

 

I sort of see the way that she is acting like this: Someone purposefully spits on your face than decides to clean it up and apologise to you. On one hand, they are showing some form of compassion to you and are at least capable of feeling guilt over their actions, which is appreciated. On the other hand, it would have been better not to have been spat upon in the first place.

 

You read up on my sitch Craig? Trust me, enjoy the "nice" WS while you can. The alternative is much worse.

 

Anyway, enjoy spending time with your daughter buddy. You both deserve it after all of this rubbish.

 

Yeah I get what you're saying but i don't what her help with those things anymore. I don't need her to be nice and see how I'm doing or how my job search is going.

We are not friends anymore. Can I be civil to her about our daughter? Of course.

 

The last couple days have been down but as soon as I picked up my little girl everything seemed so much better. Had a great day today with her and looking forward to the next four.

[Saul Goodman]

Yeah I get what you're saying but i don't what her help with those things anymore. I don't need her to be nice and see how I'm doing or how my job search is going.

We are not friends anymore. Can I be civil to her about our daughter? Of course.

 

The last couple days have been down but as soon as I picked up my little girl everything seemed so much better. Had a great day today with her and looking forward to the next four.

 

I gotcha. When you've moved on...you've moved on.

 

Just don't end up getting bitter over all of this sh_t like some people I know in my own life. Life's too short ya know? Hell, I'm trying my damned hardest to avoid getting too bitter right now. Still early days.

 

Funny thing Craig. When I got married, I sorta thought that even if my wife had left me for another man, there'd still be some chance that we could keep things friendly. That plan has been completely thrown out the window.

 

Anyway, have a good weekend.

Edited September 3, 2011 by Saul Goodman

[Craig2425]

Liars are gonna lie and cheaters are gonna cheat.

[Saul Goodman]

Liars are gonna lie and cheaters are gonna cheat.

 

I don't disagree dude.

 

Still, my stbxW has done a helluva lot more than lie and cheat...ya know, that would be an entertaining competition: Whose got the worst ex?

 

Life's a b_tch eh? Play with the hand you've been dealt with.

Edited September 3, 2011 by Saul Goodman

[Craig2425]

I don't disagree dude.

 

Still, my stbxW has done a helluva lot more than lie and cheat...ya know, that would be an entertaining competition: Whose got the worst ex?

 

Life's a b_tch eh? Play with the hand you've been dealt with.

Haha. I agree with you. There's only one thing you can do and that's control what you do yourself.

[Craig2425]

Another fantastic day today. It's amazing how better I feel when i have my daughter.this is the second day I haven't thought about stbxw at all.

Even when she called to say good night. She tried to seem like she was super happy or having a great time and I didn't care. I just answered the phone and passed it to my daughter, let her talk and then I hung up.

Maybe I'm finally realizing that she's lied to me too many times and I deserve better then that.

Who knows all I know is I still have three more days with my kid.

[BrettLost]

Craig,

 

Top stuff mate. She could ramp up the hostility when she feels u gettin over her crap.

All this talk of happiness over there is BS, its baiting u into her self esteem boost.

 

I actually had a mate years ago who we found out was a pathological liar. When we woke up to what he was doin, we let it roll on and were amazed at the extent he'd go to to keep the lies alive.

 

For weeks, we knew the truth, but he blindly pushed on with whatever it was that HE thought should be real.

 

It got to a point where he lied to cover up the lies we uncovered.... make sense?

[Craig2425]

Yeah that makes sense.

It's weird. I usually would be wondering what shes up to or who's shes with but I don't care.

I really think it's because I know that I tried and was willing to do what ever needed to be done.

I'm sure I'll have some down moments when I don't have my daughter but I think this is a step in the right direction.

[Saul Goodman]

Yeah that makes sense.

It's weird. I usually would be wondering what shes up to or who's shes with but I don't care.

I really think it's because I know that I tried and was willing to do what ever needed to be done.

I'm sure I'll have some down moments when I don't have my daughter but I think this is a step in the right direction.

 

Sounds good.

 

Apathy. Apathy is where you want to get to next.

 

It's a long process, but you're moving on from her and onto the next phase of your life.

Edited September 4, 2011 by Saul Goodman

[Craig2425]

So little help please.

My daughter is asking to go to her home a lot today. I've just kept her busy and distracted her but she doesn't forget and keeps asking.

She's not asking to go to be with her mom tho. She's asking for me to come stay with her.

At first my stbxw and I were going to switch days in the house to keep our daughter in the same place for a bit but after the first night stbxw wasn't there she said she can't do it anymore.

She said I could stay there only on my days but she will stay there too.

I don't like this. So she gets my daughter 7 days a week and I have to leave when it's her days?

On the other hand I feel like maybe I'm being selfish and should just do it for my kid.

Am I being selfish? Would it be wrong to have her stay with me at my moms some days and some days with me at her house?

Should I just stick to staying here and keep her busy and this will pass?

I just want this to be easy on my daughter.

[Craig2425]

I read this somewhere else and thiught it was funny,sad, and true.

 

 

I have found it very disappointing that men and women have lost touch with what "for better or for worse" really means. Folks, speak of their faith, and make commitments for the rest of their life, but then arbitrarily disregard that commitment for their own selfish needs and wants. Fact is, sometimes, things are better, and other times, things are worse. We all naturally experience change as we grow older and go through change, but the point is to grow together... Marriage is about the journey.

 

Perhaps, wedding vows should be changed to "do you solemnly swear to love and cherish (name) during the good times, until greener pastures do you part?"*

 

 

I decided to just keep my daughter with me at my moms. I just tried to keep her busy and having fun and that seemed to work. I just feel so bad for her when she's crying that she wants mommy daddy at her house. It breaks my heart.

I just tell her that daddy and mommy love you and try and cheer her up. You don't realize how much they hurt when they're that young but they are.

[poldo0507]

I read this somewhere else and thiught it was funny,sad, and true.

 

 

I have found it very disappointing that men and women have lost touch with what "for better or for worse" really means. Folks, speak of their faith, and make commitments for the rest of their life, but then arbitrarily disregard that commitment for their own selfish needs and wants. Fact is, sometimes, things are better, and other times, things are worse. We all naturally experience change as we grow older and go through change, but the point is to grow together... Marriage is about the journey.

 

Perhaps, wedding vows should be changed to "do you solemnly swear to love and cherish (name) during the good times, until greener pastures do you part?"*

 

 

I decided to just keep my daughter with me at my moms. I just tried to keep her busy and having fun and that seemed to work. I just feel so bad for her when she's crying that she wants mommy daddy at her house. It breaks my heart.

I just tell her that daddy and mommy love you and try and cheer her up. You don't realize how much they hurt when they're that young but they are.

 

I feel you. Everytime I bring up with my wife our marriage, she no longer thinks we were under oath under God. She will say that it's just a piece of paper...

[Craig2425]

Sorry man. It's hard to see all the red flags while you're in the marriage or still fighting for it.

I'm a very trusting person and have always trusted my stbxw but now looking back even just a few weeks ago there's lots of red flags.

The phone calls that she had answers to.

The hiding the fact she was speaking to om.

The ilybnilwy bs. I also got the I love you like a brother.

She told me she wishes I would have cheated on her.lol. Why? So you wouldn't feel so bad about what you're doing?

I've come to realize that I did mess up in our relationship but also realized that I'm married and need to fix myself and my behavior.

I know that I'm working on it(still) and I feel good about what I've done.

I've also come to realize that you can't make somebody realize what they are doing.

If this is what they want then so be it.

 

It's hard to think that the person you love would do this to you but everyone on here is right.

The quicker you realize that this can happen to you the better you'll be.

 

All you can do is make the best of what you have.

I went from having two good incomes,two house, fancy cars and a family to living back at home, a job I really don't want to take but have too(not even half of what I was making) till I find another one, trying to trade in my car for a cheap one and only see my kid half the time.

The house,money and cars can all be bought back with time so I don't care anymore about that stuff.

All that matters now is getting back on track for my daughter to male sure she has everything she needs.

 

I know it's real hard but try to focus on yourself and your kid(s).

[Craig2425]

I don't know how my stbxw does it. So it's bed time for my kid and I call her mom up so she can say goodnight. I leave the room to get a drink and when I come back in she's asking her mom to come pick her up and why can't mommy,daddy and her all stay in the house.

I don't know what stbx said but I hate seeing my kid like this. I don't know how she can be ok with this.

 

Man my time with d has gone by way too fast! Tomorrow is my last day/night with her.

This is another thing that I don't get with stbx. She has done nothing but go out with her two slutty friends one of which she said she can't stand.

 

So I guess what she meant when she needed space was she needs alone time away from me and her kid to act like she's a single 21 year old again.

Stuff like this makes me so mad, Just more lies.

[BrettLost]

Craig,

 

It's an epidemic, this re-living of the youth bull$hit. They had kids with us and formed a family but found a loop-hole by escaping the M, getting away from responsibilties that were handed to them the day "WE" had kids.

 

Many have called it 'cake-eating?'.....

The best of both worlds....

 

I value 'free' time with my girls more than 'weekly routine' time with them. They'll remember the park, the zoo, the beach, the water slides etc..MORE

not the 4/5 dinners, teeth, bed, sleep, wake, school/kindy routine.

 

So i DONT GET why they cant see the loss there, too busy with social life.

I wonder how many of these new 'friends' will be around when kids are old enough to realise they've done nothing with mum for ages because attention was on OM.

 

Someone else noted that this is all good while we are still single, when we find OUR new significant other... Im guessin ***** will really start to fly.