Expecting more from the guys interested in me on Valentine's day?

[musemaj11]

Self entitlement alert!

 

If u r not getting them anything, then u have no right to expect them to get u anything.

 

personally I think these guys should run now. Women who don't appreciate mens. Time n attention r bad news.

Edited February 14, 2011 by musemaj11

[waynebrady]

I am interested in a serious relationship that leads to marriage. I don't have time for guys that aren't serious about me. I know what I bring to the table.

 

The fact is you don't bring as much to the table as the guy. Because you don't want to... And that stems from a take it or leave it attitude towards men which most women have. Most women don't care about relationships or marriage(you are certenley abnormal if you do) thats why you expect men to give you gifts and do all the work.

 

You women need to be convinced right, if you were as intrested in men as men were in you, you wouldn't need convincing. You wouldn't need men to constantly prove how good they are and do all the work without getting anything back in return

[Gypsy_Soul]

Well, for one thing, I don't believe that I'm setting my standards too high. Especially about my dating beliefs. I am dating for marriage. Not to just screw around and have fun.

 

If a guy can't do something simple, like a small gesture as in sending a card, a poem or flowers on Valentine's day, then I don't think he's really that serious about me.

 

One of the guys that sent me the Happy Valentine's day text, told me that he doesn't need to date women traditionally because women just give him sex whenever he wants. I am not that type of woman. If he wants me and wants what I want, which he says he does, then he needs to step his game up.

[Duckduckgoose]

I plan to put a little hand drawn card on hot cop's car tonight when he gets off duty. Its just a little heart-person, says "Happy Valentine's Day" and has a hint as to who left it... I caught him running my tags one day.. and he's always looking at my car when he goes near it. My tags are unique... and I'm not a drug dealer or anything so there was no reason for him to be looking my info up when I got him red handed.

 

So yeah, some people give their crushes a little something for V-day

[Gypsy_Soul]

Really? So I'm abnormal now? LOL! Wow, so I guess times have really changed then. I'm different because I believe in faithfulness, loyalty, good morals, marraige and all that great wonderful stuff.

 

 

The fact is you don't bring as much to the table as the guy. Because you don't want to... And that stems from a take it or leave it attitude towards men which most women have. Most women don't care about relationships or marriage(you are certenley abnormal if you do) thats why you expect men to give you gifts and do all the work.

 

You women need to be convinced right, if you were as intrested in men as men were in you, you wouldn't need convincing. You wouldn't need men to constantly prove how good they are and do all the work without getting anything back in return

[Gypsy_Soul]

Haha! Sounds cute! Well I wish you good luck with that, I love men in uniform:)

 

I plan to put a little hand drawn card on hot cop's car tonight when he gets off duty. Its just a little heart-person, says "Happy Valentine's Day" and has a hint as to who left it... I caught him running my tags one day.. and he's always looking at my car when he goes near it. My tags are unique... and I'm not a drug dealer or anything so there was no reason for him to be looking my info up when I got him red handed.

 

So yeah, some people give their crushes a little something for V-day

[waynebrady]

Well, for one thing, I don't believe that I'm setting my standards too high. Especially about my dating beliefs. I am dating for marriage. Not to just screw around and have fun.

 

If a guy can't do something simple, like a small gesture as in sending a card, a poem or flowers on Valentine's day, then I don't think he's really that serious about me.

 

One of the guys that sent me the Happy Valentine's day text, told me that he doesn't need to date women traditionally because women just give him sex whenever he wants. I am not that type of woman. If he wants me and wants what I want, which he says he does, then he needs to step his game up.

 

To be fair, you don't have any "game" to speak of as a woman. This is what I'm talking about, if you women really wanted relationships and marriage then you wouldn't have the attitude that the man must always prove how good he is, do all the work without getting anything back in return except "time and attention"(which he already gave you in the first place).

 

You're not really intrested in these guys, thats why you need convincing. The guys need to convince you to be with them by "stepping their game up".

 

Let me put it this way. I like women, if I like a woman I don't need her to convince me to be with her, I don't need her to put in all the effort and do all the work for me to want to be with her.

 

People who supposedly want something don't need any convincing to want it. Do you understand?

[waynebrady]

Really? So I'm abnormal now? LOL! Wow, so I guess times have really changed then. I'm different because I believe in faithfulness, loyalty, good morals, marraige and all that great wonderful stuff.

 

You are abnormal because you want a man. It's not in the female nature to want men, thats why you need to be convinced to be with one, thats why men have to work so hard and put in so much effort to get women.

[Cracker Jack]

Whoa.

 

WB, please stop.

[Gypsy_Soul]

I understand what you're saying. The thing is that, if that's all it took, there wouldn't be any need to date or get to know someone well enough to decide whether or not you're compatible with the person long-term.

 

I would just go bone any guy I want because I just want him and am interested in him. That doesn't sound too smart. Yes I think we all need to be convinced. I am more than willing to reciprocate once I have determined if the guy is interested enough in me to actually give him my time and attention. Then eventually more.

 

You don't really know if you want something until you get to know it or deal with it.

 

 

To be fair, you don't have any "game" to speak of as a woman. This is what I'm talking about, if you women really wanted relationships and marriage then you wouldn't have the attitude that the man must always prove how good he is, do all the work without getting anything back in return except "time and attention"(which he already gave you in the first place).

 

You're not really intrested in these guys, thats why you need convincing. The guys need to convince you to be with them by "stepping their game up".

 

Let me put it this way. I like women, if I like a woman I don't need her to convince me to be with her, I don't need her to put in all the effort and do all the work for me to want to be with her.

 

People who supposedly want something don't need any convincing to want it. Do you understand?

[waynebrady]

Whoa.

 

WB, please stop.

 

Answer me this if you think I'm wrong.

 

If women want men then why do women need to get convinced to be with one?

 

If women want men then why is it that they never put in any effort themselves to be with one? Why is it always the guy that does all the work and puts in all the effort to get a relationship and marriage with a woman?

 

Why is it that the vast majority of all break ups and divorces are initiated by women?

 

If women wanted men, then don't you think things would have looked a bit different? It's the same among many animals, were the female really has no desire to be with the male, but the male just pretty much "takes" her anyway. Same with people. Except here men need to convince and trick the woman into being togheter.

 

A woman by her own will, won't want to be with a man.

[Cracker Jack]

I don't disagree with all of your points, WB. I just think saying things like "You are abnormal because you want a man" does not need to be said to get your general point across. Not all women are the same, either. There are plenty who pursue men everyday.

[Duckduckgoose]

WB...

 

Awesome troll is awesome. Annoying as hell, but awesome

[zengirl]

To respond to the OP: Personally, I'd be put-off if a new guy did anything really for Valentine's Day. A tiny gesture would be fine, if he really wanted to, but so would nothing.

 

I find it really odd when someone who is an adult (not a romantic teenager) makes some kind of strange gesture for Valentine's Day for someone who is not a current SO. Something small is fine, if the person is romantic, but shouldn't be expected.

 

However, I'm in a serious relationship, and we're not even really celebrating VD. We're making dinner together tomorrow night, because we figure it's good to spend the evening together (while avoiding packed restaurants) and like to cook together, but we didn't do gifts, cards, candy, etc. Also, personally, I'd never go on an early date on Valentine's Day. That's just weird.

Edited February 14, 2011 by zengirl

[Imajerk17]

The problem with your idea of "traditional dating"--YOUR idea, GG, is that you're expecting the guy to invest far more than the girl, at least early on. That's about as out of date as "a woman's place is in the kitchen". I mean, do you come with a dowry?

 

Chivalry isn't dead, but expecting a guy to lay himself out for you that way when he hardly knows you is unrealistic. You might do better with dating if you disabuse yourself of your "Princess" notions.

 

Especially when many modern women have more "modern" views on this sort of thing.

Edited February 14, 2011 by Imajerk17

[Mrlonelyone]

To the OP. Most people see V day as being for really serious couples who have been dating for a good while at least... People like you who think it's a good time to show interest are in the minority.

 

If you really want to know why a guy might not get a woman something for V day even if he is interested consider the following.

 

Thread:Is it too soon for flowers?

 

Some of the reactions I got for speaking of sending flowers to a woman I have known since July, and have a date with latter this week:

 

Stalker

Creepy

Needy

Lack confidence

 

Etc.

 

I agree with you that if one is dating...even if not exclusive then a modest valetine is warranted. A well choosen ecard, a paper card, a single flower ... a small gesture like that is all that's needed.

 

The way some folks react it as if giving a valentine has to mean diamonds and gold.

[Imajerk17]

Really? So I'm abnormal now? LOL! Wow, so I guess times have really changed then. I'm different because I believe in faithfulness, loyalty, good morals, marraige and all that great wonderful stuff.

 

What you believe in is fine and great, and shared by many guys. There's a problem with your expectations that you're not seeing though. A guy who feels likewise won't "put out" for you (extravagant gestures, on Valentine's Day or any other time) until he knows you a little better and likes you not for your looks, but for your personality/values. A self-respecting guy won't lay himself out for a girl until he sees that she at least *could* like him back.

 

 

What else were you expecting?

Edited February 14, 2011 by Imajerk17

[Gypsy_Soul]

I wouldn't say that most do. Just the ones that frequent these dating forums. Then again, since I did check out your thread, the main one telling you not to send flowers to your date is someone who is used to young immature, insecure women who give it up to him on the first meeting.

 

So I have to take into consideration the type of people that say not to, their world views, and the quality of people they're used to dating. As it applies to my situation because that one particular guy who just sent me a lame Happy Valentines day text is used to not really dating women properly because they give it up to him quite easily and right away.

 

I'm into romance just like you. I guess it just takes luck in running into similar like-minded people who value it.

 

To the OP. Most people see V day as being for really serious couples who have been dating for a good while at least... People like you who think it's a good time to show interest are in the minority.

 

If you really want to know why a guy might not get a woman something for V day even if he is interested consider the following.

 

Thread:Is it too soon for flowers?

 

Some of the reactions I got for speaking of sending flowers to a woman I have known since July, and have a date with latter this week:

 

Stalker

Creepy

Needy

Lack confidence

 

Etc.

 

I agree with you that if one is dating...even if not exclusive then a modest valetine is warranted. A well choosen ecard, a paper card, a single flower ... a small gesture like that is all that's needed.

 

The way some folks react it as if giving a valentine has to mean diamonds and gold.

[TaurusTerp]

Frankly, with your mindset, the only ones that will meet your requirements are saps and the desperate.

[Gypsy_Soul]

Sounds like something a wannabe player would say.

 

Frankly, with your mindset, the only ones that will meet your requirements are saps and the desperate.

[Ay Diesel T]

I wouldn't say that most do. Just the ones that frequent these dating forums. Then again, since I did check out your thread, the main one telling you not to send flowers to your date is someone who is used to young immature, insecure women who give it up to him on the first meeting.

 

So I have to take into consideration the type of people that say not to, their world views, and the quality of people they're used to dating. As it applies to my situation because that one particular guy who just sent me a lame Happy Valentines day text is used to not really dating women properly because they give it up to him quite easily and right away.

 

I'm into romance just like you. I guess it just takes luck in running into similar like-minded people who value it.

 

Lmao come on, that wasn't nice.

 

But what most people are trying to tell you here is that men need to be somewhat invested with a woman before they start doing the things that you expect on Valentines Day. Whether the woman is sexually loose or not has nothing to do with it. Just because these men want to date you, and find you physically attractive, doesn't mean that they HAVE to be showering you with gifts, cards, flowers, etc on Valentine's Day, especially if they barely know you. I think a "Happy Valentine's Day" text is pretty appropriate.

 

Which is why I was telling the guy in his thread that he shouldn't be sending her flowers so early in the game, it isn't a smart move, it'll come off as abnormal behavior for a guy...

 

Personally, you would've sounded like less of a pretentious woman if you weren't expecting such things from SEVERAL men who are barely invested in you as opposed to just one.

Edited February 14, 2011 by Ay Diesel T

[TaurusTerp]

Sounds like something a wannabe player would say.

 

I have no vested interest in what you do. What do I care what happens to you? You'll see what your approach gets you eventually.

[guitar23]

I agree a lot with what Diesel said about "several guys" and the level of involvement at this point. If I was just getting to know some one I probably wouldn't do much more than a happy v-day text. Maybe an e-card.

 

That said, I understand where you're coming from with the traditional mindset. It does seem like most people these days would rather lock eyes, have sex, and then get to know one another and see if things work out.

 

I might be a "loser" or a "sap" but I've been getting along great with a young lady as of late and we BOTH have invested time and effort into getting to know one another. We had a bit of a rough weekend, but I'm still having flowers sent to her tomorrow. Why? Because I care about her, and I think that a wonderful person like her deserves to have a smile on her face on Valentines Day. To me that's all there is to it. Most days she does a pretty good job of bringing a smile to my face, so why wouldn't I jump at a guaranteed opportunity to do the same for her?

[Gypsy_Soul]

Lmao come on, that wasn't nice.

 

But what most people are trying to tell you here is that men need to be somewhat invested with a woman before they start doing the things that you expect on Valentines Day. Whether the woman is sexually loose or not has nothing to do with it. Just because these men want to date you, and find you physically attractive, doesn't mean that they HAVE to be showering you with gifts, cards, flowers, etc on Valentine's Day, especially if they barely know you. I think a "Happy Valentine's Day" text is pretty appropriate.

 

Which is why I was telling the guy in his thread that he shouldn't be sending her flowers so early in the game, it isn't a smart move, it'll come off as abnormal behavior for a guy...

 

Personally, you would've sounded like less of a pretentious woman if you weren't expecting such things from SEVERAL men who are barely invested in you as opposed to just one.

 

The way that some of these respondents made it sound as if, "well, what do you I get in return?" implies that they want something more in order for me to deserve a date or a simple valentines gesture showing interest. Which I pointed out that I will not do, because I am not that type of lose woman.

 

Anyway, as for expecting such things from the several men that are interested in me is what multi-dating is about. The one's who don't put in time, effort, or anything else will get forgotten. Why waste my time or yours? You either show interest or lose my number, thanks. That's how I see it.

 

Not everyone will agree, but that's their standards, I have mine.

 

So how does a man become invested in a woman? If he never makes effort to date or show interest?

[Gypsy_Soul]

So.........

 

I have no vested interest in what you do. What do I care what happens to you? You'll see what your approach gets you eventually.