Author jstobo Posted July 28, 2011 Author Posted July 28, 2011 Groupon is great. I will look into that. Just got a bonus, so financial issues are now in order. Although it pains me to write that check I need to write to the ex. I also have a bunch of points saved up, so i think i have a few free flights saved up. I like the idea of a cruise, since those usually stop in different places. I live in such a beautiful part of the country with great beaches and all kinds of things to do. But it is much more fun to just get away. I'll keep you all posted on what I decide to do.
Steadfast Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 I tried traveling after my marriage broke up and it was a disaster. Instead of being miserable in a comfortable environment (and near my kids, etc) I was miserable in unfamiliar surroundings with a bunch of people I didn't know. I hated it. I hated the solitude; even when I wasn't alone. I remember just wanting to get out of here. Away from the memories of the home and my old life. I was trapped. No matter where I went...there I was. Starting at the bottom and working my way up, I turned our home into my home. In time, this place began taking on a whole new feel; different, yet the same. I didn't want to sleep on my old side of the bed and I didn't want to sleep on hers...so I slept on both, stretched across sideways. The rest followed. My kitchen. My bathroom. My closets. When I felt better here I knew I was ready to travel again, and did so with joy and confidence. Before I began dating, I shunned the idea of 'meeting' someone in favor of meeting as many new people as I could. The approach was liberating. I wasn't married and off limits...nor single and on the prowl. I was single and disinterested. It worked, and for all the right reasons. I felt my passions returning. Healing was happening. So get out if you're really ready jstobo, but don't expect somewhere different to provide you with a different feeling. It won't. Conquer that uncharted land inside your heart first. The rest will follow in time.
teerockness Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Funny, steadfast's post actually reminds me: i did the same thing as him. It sounds painful to say I guess (or hear), but one of the things about my separation and divorce that I actually relished was remaking my home into something that I liked - someplace I wanted to be. I always had trouble getting my ex-wife interested in improving the home in any way - furniture, decoration, whatever. I actually spent 4 weeks painting my whole downstairs - primer, two coats, and all the trim - with some really nice colors. Got a stereo, grabbed some music I liked, and cranked it. All that said, given that your kids have grown up in your home, I would certainly move slowly. I guess you may not want to impact their sense of familiarity. Not to mention you may have grown attached to certain elements of the house that remind you of their childhood, etc. In any case, hang in there.
Author jstobo Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 I wanted to let everyone know I had a great weekend. I worked out each day, went to church and played golf with family and friends. I even started reading a book and went to the pool several times. I enjoyed some solitude and being out with people. Definitely the type of weekend I can build on. I have my kids starting Wednesday and I have many different things planned with them. Just overall feeling better. My ex texted me this morning telling me something came up and could I switch weekends the 12th. That was the weekend I planned on going away. So I told her no. Even though I haven't made plans yet, I want to. I feel kind of bad, but it's important for me to have that time and I didn't want her to take it away. It's the first time I turned her down. It's probably good for her as well to understand we are living our own lives. Nshe has done this a couple times and I have always been there to make her life easy. I think it will be good for her to find her own way.
Author jstobo Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 I was having a good week. Spent time with the kids doing many different things. My mindset was really positive. Had a few interactions with my STBX, but just about the kids. Last night I went to drop the kids off and the STBX came out to greet us. She is always super nice. I've mentioned in previous posts how sweet and caring she has been throughout this entire process. I'm just comparing her behavior to others I have read on here. She is never nasty. Well when she came out last night, she was wearing a necklace with the charm I had bought her on our honeymoon. The charm has so much sentimental value. I haven't seen her wear it in a long time. I don't in any way believe she was wearing it because she was missing me or anything. But it definitely set me back. I'm getting tired of having these set backs. The one before was July 4th. I just can't believe something as small as a necklace charm can affect me in such a strong way. I've spent all of last night and today thinking about her, so it's been a tough 20 hours or so.
Author jstobo Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 Unfortunately we both moved out of the home. I am living in an apartment I don't like much and I can't do a lot with it. I'm just trying to make the best of my living situation, until I get to the place I want to be. I don't know exactly where that is, but in time I hope it happens. Funny, steadfast's post actually reminds me: i did the same thing as him. It sounds painful to say I guess (or hear), but one of the things about my separation and divorce that I actually relished was remaking my home into something that I liked - someplace I wanted to be. I always had trouble getting my ex-wife interested in improving the home in any way - furniture, decoration, whatever. I actually spent 4 weeks painting my whole downstairs - primer, two coats, and all the trim - with some really nice colors. Got a stereo, grabbed some music I liked, and cranked it. All that said, given that your kids have grown up in your home, I would certainly move slowly. I guess you may not want to impact their sense of familiarity. Not to mention you may have grown attached to certain elements of the house that remind you of their childhood, etc. In any case, hang in there.
Author jstobo Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Basically another sad day. My STBX moved out of the house 5 months ago now and I still have not been able to fully let go. I don't understand this. I'm starting to think that us being nice to each other is actually prolonging my healing. We don't go a day without texting, talking or seeing each other. All the communicatin is about the kids, but the interaction is very sweet. Lots of thank you's, smiley faces, compliments etc. etc. I always leave those interactions thinking to myself, "what is our problem again.". Why is my STBX WS so fricken sweet? I know she has guilt and I know she loves me dearly. I also know she is not in love me, quite possibly never was. I wish sometimes she would hate me. I know I want to hate her, but I just can't. I care for her too deeply. It's very frustrating. I keep thinking I should be much stronger and tougher emotionally than this. I think I should have been able to wake up a while ago and embraced this new life. But I just haven't been able to do that. Not in a consistent manner. I'll have a good couple of weeks and something will set me back again and I feel as though I start over. Ugh!! How long is this going to take?
AudentesFortuna Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Basically another sad day. My STBX moved out of the house 5 months ago now and I still have not been able to fully let go. I don't understand this. I'm starting to think that us being nice to each other is actually prolonging my healing. We don't go a day without texting, talking or seeing each other. All the communicatin is about the kids, but the interaction is very sweet. Lots of thank you's, smiley faces, compliments etc. etc. I always leave those interactions thinking to myself, "what is our problem again.". Why is my STBX WS so fricken sweet? I know she has guilt and I know she loves me dearly. I also know she is not in love me, quite possibly never was. I wish sometimes she would hate me. I know I want to hate her, but I just can't. I care for her too deeply. It's very frustrating. I keep thinking I should be much stronger and tougher emotionally than this. I think I should have been able to wake up a while ago and embraced this new life. But I just haven't been able to do that. Not in a consistent manner. I'll have a good couple of weeks and something will set me back again and I feel as though I start over. Ugh!! How long is this going to take? Sounds like you need to switch to LC about the kids only. Business like, take all emotion away. Why torture yourself? I'm moving forward and it's helping that she hasn't contacted me in weeks now and the only times she has, it has been all business like. Yes, part of me kind of wishes that nice/sweet things would be said, but what is the point? It's for the best when there is limited to no contact.
Author jstobo Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 I went to the meeting very nervous that I was going to break down emotionally because of some of the feelings I have been having lately. I'm proud to say I did not and I handled everything very business like. The meeting actually benefitted me and I felt a lot of things went my way without needing to be nasty about it. We settled our assets and debts in a way I feel fair. I actually was being nice in many ways, but my STBX wasn't really appreciating those gestures so I held steadfast on some other things and those other things cost her roughly $800 a month in support. She was basically being penny wise and dollar foolish. I at least feel really good about my future financially now. Before I was feeling as though I had lost everything. Now I can look forward to doing some things and actually saving money each month. I'm not sure how she is going to support herself living the lifestyle she and her Dad chose, but that is for them to figure out. Now I can focus on dealing with the loss of my Wife without the stress of money.
marqueemoon4 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 eh, its not really a loss. you'll figure out in time this an addition by subtraction.
Author jstobo Posted August 16, 2011 Author Posted August 16, 2011 I'm in a very angry and bitter stage. I'm mad at my STBX for wasting 13 years of my life and breaking up our family. I still think the reasons are purely financial and I think it's absolutely weak and pathetic. All of you who have followed this thread knows her Dad bailed her out, even though he never did anything like that during our marriage. I have been fighting myself for several days to not bang out a "you wasted 13 years of my life you f***ing b***h" e-mail. I know I would not get a response and she would even act like she never got it whenever I saw her. Does anyone have any experience doing this. Do you get a little satisfaction at least or do you feel worse when you get zero response?
Seraph1 Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I have been fighting myself for several days to not bang out a "you wasted 13 years of my life you f***ing b***h" e-mail. I know I would not get a response and she would even act like she never got it whenever I saw her. Does anyone have any experience doing this. Do you get a little satisfaction at least or do you feel worse when you get zero response? My exH did this to me a few times and it hurt me a lot and didn't help the situation. I would either flare up and respond if I was having a down day over the end of the marriage... or I would ignore it and hope that the storm would pass for him. It wasn't easy to walk away from my 7 year marriage but honestly, almost 2 years later I am in a much better place and so is he. We both loved the idea of the marriage that we wanted...not the marriage that we had. It hurts without doubt but I can assure you that your stbx IS suffering through her own doubts, guilt and pain. She is being nice because she doesn't want things to be more difficult and she is assuming the responsibility for the relationship break-down. It is what I did...but the more you throw at her the more resentful she will become that SHE has to act nice when there were things in the marriage that you never bothered to do for her etc. etc. History rewriting and everything else will start to happen. I think that you should write your email but not send it. Or send it to a bogus acount just so you can feel like you are sending her something even though she will never read it. Believe me... there are times when she is also thinking that 13 years of her life was wasted. The trick is to be happy and let her think and stew things over for herself during this time. Being angry pushes them away and gives them new and recent memories of you being mean to them to superimpose over all the good memories you made together. Don't do that to yourself. It's only shooting yourself in the foot.
Seraph1 Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 And no... I am NOT suggesting that you be a pushover or give her everything that she wants in your split. Don't be sucker. Fight for your future right now even if you don't want to and still want your ex back. You'll be grateful you did in a couple of years...even if you are back with your ex.
Tayla Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I'm in a very angry and bitter stage. I'm mad at my STBX for wasting 13 years of my life and breaking up our family. I still think the reasons are purely financial and I think it's absolutely weak and pathetic. All of you who have followed this thread knows her Dad bailed her out, even though he never did anything like that during our marriage. I have been fighting myself for several days to not bang out a "you wasted 13 years of my life you f***ing b***h" e-mail. I know I would not get a response and she would even act like she never got it whenever I saw her. Does anyone have any experience doing this. Do you get a little satisfaction at least or do you feel worse when you get zero response? SHe didnt waste those years, in due time you can see more clearly that you stayed and for good reasons thought the marriage worth those good times and bad. Stop putting ALL the hurt and agony on her, each are volunteers in the marital woes or bliss. I have been in your shoes on having the "gut" feeling of lashing out, it needs to simmer and be tossed out though. No good ever comes from such statements. You cant take back words . We are each ultimately responsible for our future and that is layed out by how we handle today. Get your angst out elsewhere. While temporary satisfaction may be the goal, the long term aftermath isnt worth it. I hope you can understand that my perspective is after years of healing and restrospect. May you heal from this and find peace.
Miky Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 jstobo, I have been following your thread very diligently since you have started it, I am in a somewhat similar situation, but I was able to catch it one "minute" before my wife came to me telling me the same as yours told you, we are trying hard to fix, I am still not sure of the outcome for ourselves. I must say you are handling it very well, I am not sure if I would be able to do the same in your place. One thing comes to my mind though, no matter what are the reasons for your breakup, she decided that your marriage is no longer important for her and she does not want to be married to you, you must know that you cannot force any one be with you if they don't want to. You are still in contact very much with her in a "friends zone" mode and from what I understand you are being very "worm" to her and somewhat accommodating, IMHO this is a big mistake, you are literally in some way, still nurturing her emotional needs with your behaviour, she is free of you to do what ever she wants, but is getting validation to her decision by your cordial behaviour towards her, I understand that you are still connected to her and she is the mother of your kids but you have to cut this "co dependent" behaviour and get to an NC/LC mode with her. You are prolonging your own agony by doing that, and you are nurturing her emotional needs to some extent not letting her any chance to miss the connection she had with you while you were married. Again IMHO you are wasting valuable energy to get angry, all this emailing trowing at her is childish and will work against you in the long run and will definitely validate her decision to leave you, in fact any behaviour towards her other then strictly cold and business like on kids and divorce matters only will work badly against you, you must move on, in fact letting her go out of your life completely, will be the only chance you may have to may be getting her back. I am sure this had been told you already, and it is working against any rational thought you may have on dealing with her but this is the only way When I realized where my marriage is going, I have got a wake up call , very rude awakening I would say, I over heard my wife talking with her friend over the phone about our marriage, one thing said was that she is thinking about leaving as this marriage is going no where, after 21 years married to her I got the shock of my life, the first thing I said when I had a chance talking to her was; "There is no way that I can force her to stay with me, and if she feel she need to leave, I will respect that and let her go", believe me, it was not easy for me to say that, it went against every desire I had at that moment, but just this sentence triggered a tidal wave of chain reaction from her, especially when I have told her trough my actions that I am in no way willing to be a default option for her. I say let you WW go, and I mean figuratively, start building your life without her, I know it is hard there are young kids involved, go Hard LC on her, strictly business and no emotions of any sort with her,no small talk no texting, no dinners. no pseudo dating, no nothing, as if she is a complete stranger who takes care of your children only, and for yourself, be happy, get to meet new people, go to many dates as you can, enjoy life to the fullest,go do something wild like hang gliding or flying lessons, don't volunteer any information to her, let your kids be the unofficial communication channel to steer up her curiosity, give her a chance to be jealous of you and your new life, give her a chance to remember why she married you so long ago, I am willing to bet large some of money that if you will do that she will start missing you, moving on and being happy is the best trigger on a wayward spouse, believe me, I have started implementing parts of the 180 on my wife as soon as I had our little chat, it worked wonders,took on some old hobbies and started to have a life that she was not included,believe me it got to her, so far I am able to keep holding together, we have some family issues that are burdening us immensely and throws some curve balls at the situation , but by me telling her that she is free to go I was able to get her attention finally stop waiting you valuable energy on trying to understand her, channel that energy to areas that will benefit you and your kids, there is a say that I use as my guide "If you truly love someone, let them go, if they come back there will be always yours, if then don't ? then they were never yours from the beginning" Best of luck to you and stay strong
John Michael Kane Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Basically another sad day. My STBX moved out of the house 5 months ago now and I still have not been able to fully let go. I don't understand this. I'm starting to think that us being nice to each other is actually prolonging my healing. We don't go a day without texting, talking or seeing each other. All the communicatin is about the kids, but the interaction is very sweet. Lots of thank you's, smiley faces, compliments etc. etc. I always leave those interactions thinking to myself, "what is our problem again.". Why is my STBX WS so fricken sweet? I know she has guilt and I know she loves me dearly. I also know she is not in love me, quite possibly never was. I wish sometimes she would hate me. I know I want to hate her, but I just can't. I care for her too deeply. It's very frustrating. I keep thinking I should be much stronger and tougher emotionally than this. I think I should have been able to wake up a while ago and embraced this new life. But I just haven't been able to do that. Not in a consistent manner. I'll have a good couple of weeks and something will set me back again and I feel as though I start over. Ugh!! How long is this going to take? Sorry for your pain. Maintain NC.
Surfer203 Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 jstobo: Don't send the email. Type it and delete it, or save it. It won't serve you. You and she both know what happened and who f'ed up. You are bigger than this and it won't help in any way. Just creates more animosity. Let it go and be the bigger person.
Author jstobo Posted August 17, 2011 Author Posted August 17, 2011 Seraph1: Thank you so much for chiming in. I was hoping to get the opinion of someone on the other side. I know I contributed to the failure of our marriage. I couldn't understand how she showed love and I wanted it the way I understood. Since I didn't get it my way, I would basically pout. Because of my behavior, she spent the last couple of years believing I didn't really love her. This is where the tragedy starts. I loved her more than anything. Unconditionally. She was depressed and I still cherished her. My downfall was not loving her in the way she loved me. So she thinks by leaving me, she is doing me a favor. She keeps using the words "mismatched.". We weren't mismatched the first 10 years. Only when things got tough financially and I had a lot of stress keeping our lifestyle going. So instead of supporting me through this tough time, she chose to bail. My difficulty today is; if I move on and become happy without her, she gets to say "see, I knew we were a mismatch and now your happier without me." I'm trying to take a last parting shot to say she was wrong. I was going through the most difficult time in my life and she was weak and chose to ditch me at my worst. We had 11 great years and as soon as we hit a speed bump, she jumped ship. Maybe I was living in la la land to think I always had a happy marriage. Did I want more affection? Yes. Did I want more communication? Yes. But I accepted those things when I asked her to marry me because of everything else I got. So that is my Catch 22. If I never show sadness for my failed marriage to her, she'll believe she made the right decision. Miky: I appreciate your advice and story. We've been living apart for 5 months now, so we are long last any reconciliation. If my STBX hasn't missed me at this point, she isn't going to. My marriage is definitely over. I'm just trying to figure out how to get through each stage the best way possible. I have been very business like over the last month. I had a 3 day lapse in there and asked if there was anything we could do to save our marriage. She said she was at peace with her life. That was about 10 days ago. I think that is what has triggered my anger. She left our marriage and broke our family up and 5 months later, she is at peace? She shouldn't get peace so quickly. Since that statement from her, I have been completely NC. I don't respond to her texts. Her texts are usually about what time the kids will be ready. They always include a hi and I hope you had a good weekend, blah blah blah. But I don't respond. When she comes out to greet the kids, I am distant and cold. Very business like as you say. I have been living my life. Going out with friends and dating. My last thing is to find a new hobby. Haven't figured that out yet, but I know I will. Tayla: thank you. I think my response to the others can be in response to your advice as well. I haven't written the e-mail. I'm hoping the anger subsides and I can continue to control my desire to lash out. I feel a little better this morning, but not much.
Miky Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Jstobo I fully understand what you are saying, I had a girlfriend before my wife which did exactly the same thing to me after almost 2 years of dating, some men/woman has that ability to emotionally rationalize their flowed decision making by detaching and pushing their emotions down, not letting these controlling them, in her thought process your wife is rationalizing her decision by telling you she is at peace and very much convincing herself that this is the case, as I said from what I am seeing, you were giving her the emotional support that she needs by sticking around and being nice, you keep perusing her and with that you affirm her "at piece" feelings it is some sort of a catch 22 situation, more of a "Damn if you do, Damn if you don't" type no win with her on this I can assure that to you you need to keep Hard NC/LC no backing down any more, no back treading, no ask for second chances, she is not attracted to you any more, 5 months is nothing, especially when you have not given her any chance to miss you you chances of making any progress on that is getting slimmer any day you keep nurturing her feelings with your doubts, she need to understand what it is to be alone and not have you as the bailout for her, as I said, I know it is hard and there is a reasonable chance that she may never want you any more, but continuing like that would mean no chance at all Vs some chance Keep hard NC/LC, remember, she abandon you, if she loves you she will need her emotional bonds that she had nurtured with you for all these years to be fulfilled, and by doing the NC you are literally depriving her feed from you and then you will get her attention. At this moment you have nothing to loose, she is gone, and as much as it is hurting you, you need to let go and break your own emotional bonding with her, Go NC/LC, let her really miss you, it may take another month, 2 months hell, may be another year or two, this is not exact science, but I bet she will change her "at peace" attitude once you are no longer nurturing her emotions. Stay strong
Seraph1 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Maybe I was living in la la land to think I always had a happy marriage. Did I want more affection? Yes. Did I want more communication? Yes. But I accepted those things when I asked her to marry me because of everything else I got. So that is my Catch 22. If I never show sadness for my failed marriage to her, she'll believe she made the right decision. I hate to say it but... how you saw your marriage is NOT even remotely how she saw your marriage. It is very possible for two people to love each other but not actually be suited to a long-term relationship with each other. That was my situation. You have actually listed two things that you wanted more of... and those two things are close to being the most important things that you can have in a relationship....affection and communication. You accepted that she couldn't give you affection and communication in the way that you wanted WHEN you married her. I accepted that my exH was always going to be selfish with his desires and quite incapable of seeing my point of view. I thought when I married him that I could live with the trade off. Turns out that neither of us really could... we just hoped and wished that our 'love' and 'attachment' would be enough. It wasn't in the long run. A lot of people have said that you are emotionally supporting your stbx through this time... you are. You need to stop being her emotional airbag. You are picking up the slack for her and not allowing her to feel the true loss of your partnership. NC/LC is the best way to make her realise that if she doesn't want to be with you... she gets NONE OF YOU AND YOUR SUPPORT. She will miss it and then she will start to get really angry at you for doing it. She will want your support back WITHOUT committing to a relationship with you. She will start to try using guilt and manipulation... or she really is moved on from the relationship and YOU need to do the same thing. Trust me. She knows that you didn't want the marriage to end. She knows that you are hurting. If you act mean towards her she will know that she made the right choice to leave, if you act too nice she will get all the emotional support from you that she needs in order to move on...but if you act indifferent she will question why. Indifference hurts more than anger. Indifference shows that the other person have moved on long before you have.
Author jstobo Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 I hate to say it but... how you saw your marriage is NOT even remotely how she saw your marriage. It is very possible for two people to love each other but not actually be suited to a long-term relationship with each other. That was my situation. You have actually listed two things that you wanted more of... and those two things are close to being the most important things that you can have in a relationship....affection and communication. You accepted that she couldn't give you affection and communication in the way that you wanted WHEN you married her. I accepted that my exH was always going to be selfish with his desires and quite incapable of seeing my point of view. I thought when I married him that I could live with the trade off. Turns out that neither of us really could... we just hoped and wished that our 'love' and 'attachment' would be enough. It wasn't in the long run. A lot of people have said that you are emotionally supporting your stbx through this time... you are. You need to stop being her emotional airbag. You are picking up the slack for her and not allowing her to feel the true loss of your partnership. NC/LC is the best way to make her realise that if she doesn't want to be with you... she gets NONE OF YOU AND YOUR SUPPORT. She will miss it and then she will start to get really angry at you for doing it. She will want your support back WITHOUT committing to a relationship with you. She will start to try using guilt and manipulation... or she really is moved on from the relationship and YOU need to do the same thing. Trust me. She knows that you didn't want the marriage to end. She knows that you are hurting. If you act mean towards her she will know that she made the right choice to leave, if you act too nice she will get all the emotional support from you that she needs in order to move on...but if you act indifferent she will question why. Indifference hurts more than anger. Indifference shows that the other person have moved on long before you have. Thank Seraph1: What you have said makes a lot of sense. I don't think my STBX misses me at all. She never ever contacts me for any reason other than what time I'm going to get the kids. I have done the same. The past two weeks has been all business. I did send a text that basically said I know she thinks she is making the right decision, but I don't currently agree. I said that my kindness is causing me not to heal. I have no choice but to find happiness without her. She replied that I have a big kind heart and I deserve all of that in return. She knows I will agree with her one day and feels in many ways I already do. She said she truly appreciates when I am kind to her. I responding saying I don't agree but I have no choice, but to find happiness without her. I said I cannot continue to be kind, because I'm haven't been able to heal properly that way. I said that I needed to treat this like a business from now on. She asked if that meant I was going to be mean. I said I wasn't going to be mean, but I do not respect her for the decisions she made. She either never loved me and shouldn't have married me or times got tough for us financially and she bailed. Either one, I have no respect for. I ended the text with, I won't be mean, I just won't be anything. We haven't communicated in any way since. I needed to get that off my chest. I didn't lash out like I really wanted to, but I said my peace and I'm currently satisfied with that.
Miky Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Jstobo You need to understand she is gone, let her go, start living your life, I know it is hard, especially that you have deep feelings for her, you must understand that she does not want to be with you , why do you want to be with someone that does not want to be with you ? Best of luck for you, You are a good man and will be ok
Author jstobo Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 Jstobo You need to understand she is gone, let her go, start living your life, I know it is hard, especially that you have deep feelings for her, you must understand that she does not want to be with you , why do you want to be with someone that does not want to be with you ? Best of luck for you, You are a good man and will be ok Hi Miky: I have accepted that fact. Just dealing with the pain that comes with that. I am living my life, but still have set backs. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I realize the person I married is figuratively dead and gone. I just wanted a parting shot since it seems it has been so easy for her to move on. That is what currently hurts the most.
Seraph1 Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I am living my life, but still have set backs. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I realize the person I married is figuratively dead and gone. I just wanted a parting shot since it seems it has been so easy for her to move on. That is what currently hurts the most. I can give you hope here! I was the one that finally put my marriage to the sword even though really... it was because he didn't want to be the one to do it. However, almost 2 years after the D was finalised I am the one that is still looking for love and my exH is very happy with a new and beautiful love. I am genuinely happy for him...but sort of jealous that he found his peace and joy before I did. Ah... I can only hope it works the same way for you!
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