My Wife is No Longer in Love with Me

[jstobo]

I can give you hope here! I was the one that finally put my marriage to the sword even though really... it was because he didn't want to be the one to do it.

 

However, almost 2 years after the D was finalised I am the one that is still looking for love and my exH is very happy with a new and beautiful love.

 

I am genuinely happy for him...but sort of jealous that he found his peace and joy before I did. Ah... I can only hope it works the same way for you!

 

This shouldn't make me feel better, but it does. . Why has it been hard to find love?

[Miky]

Unfortunately that is so typical

 

 

Saw it with a couple of my closest friends

 

She WaW on him never wanted to look back, within a short period of time she had a new boyfriend ( some suspicion of cheating there) within a year he was dating a new girlfriend and got engaged soon after

 

I cannot describe in words her devastation of her when the GIGS effect subside, it took her the knowledge that he is engaged to realize that she lost him forever, she needed some treatment for depression after she fully understood what she did

 

this is an extreme case but it does happen

[Seraph1]

 

This shouldn't make me feel better, but it does. . Why has it been hard to find love?

 

 

Glad that I made you feel better! You deserve it!

 

Why has it been hard to find love? I wish I had the answer to that one! I'd make millions! But honestly, I did think that I had found love. About 4 months after the divorce I met a lovely man at work. He told me he was single, his friends believed he was single, his work colleagues believed he was single...We were inseperable until 10 months and then I find out that he is married! Yep...he had a wife living overseas. What a blow. I dragged myself away whimpering and now he is back: divorced.

 

I'm living the dream.... you know, getting that fabled second chance. I'm not taking it. I'm dragging myself forward to find someone that truly values me and loves me enough to be honest and respectful of me right from the start.

 

It takes time to heal and meet someone that you love. The dating world is filled with hope and disappointment. I am learning to swim in it and have strong boundaries of what I would want from a loving relationship. I am too old to fool around and I don't have the heart for casual encounters. So I just keep trying because I believe that there are loads of good men out there that want the same from a relationship that I do! The trick is finding them... but I think the odds are good since they are looking too!

 

Chin up! As painful and destructive as this time in your life is... it is just that 'a time in your life' not your ENTIRE life! You have so much life left to live and you have the power to choose how you spend it... happy or pining? I choose to go through short term pain for long term gain!

 

Times do get better. I promise. Just put in the effort and be happy and grateful for the good things that you have in your life. I appreciated time with my family and friends a lot more once I was out of my marriage. I enjoyed not walking on eggshells. You'll start to see the same things in time.

[jstobo]

Glad that I made you feel better! You deserve it!

 

Why has it been hard to find love? I wish I had the answer to that one! I'd make millions! But honestly, I did think that I had found love. About 4 months after the divorce I met a lovely man at work. He told me he was single, his friends believed he was single, his work colleagues believed he was single...We were inseperable until 10 months and then I find out that he is married! Yep...he had a wife living overseas. What a blow. I dragged myself away whimpering and now he is back: divorced.

 

I'm living the dream.... you know, getting that fabled second chance. I'm not taking it. I'm dragging myself forward to find someone that truly values me and loves me enough to be honest and respectful of me right from the start.

 

It takes time to heal and meet someone that you love. The dating world is filled with hope and disappointment. I am learning to swim in it and have strong boundaries of what I would want from a loving relationship. I am too old to fool around and I don't have the heart for casual encounters. So I just keep trying because I believe that there are loads of good men out there that want the same from a relationship that I do! The trick is finding them... but I think the odds are good since they are looking too!

 

Chin up! As painful and destructive as this time in your life is... it is just that 'a time in your life' not your ENTIRE life! You have so much life left to live and you have the power to choose how you spend it... happy or pining? I choose to go through short term pain for long term gain!

 

Times do get better. I promise. Just put in the effort and be happy and grateful for the good things that you have in your life. I appreciated time with my family and friends a lot more once I was out of my marriage. I enjoyed not walking on eggshells. You'll start to see the same things in time.

 

OMG Seraph, that really sucks. 10 months is such a long time to live such a lie. I have a tremendous amount of respect for you for not taking that second chance. It must be one of the hardest things you've ever had to do.

 

I have been out there dating. It's been 6 months since we moved apart and I think I'm getting closer to enjoying myself alone or with someone. I was trying so hard to mask the pain by finding a girlfriend. This past weekend I found so much joy in just doing my own thing. I spent about 75% of the weekend by myself and it was great. I have been dating a woman for a couple weeks, but it has been VERY casual. I don't think there is anything serious that will come of it, but we have a good time when we hang out together. Not much physically happening, so it's just good times. Anxiety lessened over the weekend, but it's still there. I'm hoping to build from this and start to find happiness within myself. Still have bitterness and anger. I'm not going to lie. I do feel it is starting to lessen. I think I'm finally starting to take baby steps forward. We'll see.

[Seraph1]

 

I have been out there dating. It's been 6 months since we moved apart and I think I'm getting closer to enjoying myself alone or with someone. I was trying so hard to mask the pain by finding a girlfriend. This past weekend I found so much joy in just doing my own thing. I spent about 75% of the weekend by myself and it was great. I have been dating a woman for a couple weeks, but it has been VERY casual. I don't think there is anything serious that will come of it, but we have a good time when we hang out together. Not much physically happening, so it's just good times. Anxiety lessened over the weekend, but it's still there. I'm hoping to build from this and start to find happiness within myself. Still have bitterness and anger. I'm not going to lie. I do feel it is starting to lessen. I think I'm finally starting to take baby steps forward. We'll see.

 

I think that you are doing very well. You haven't closed yourself off from possibilities and opportunities which is so easy to do when you are in pain.

 

Part of my healing process involved 'alone time' doing things like gardening and taking some cooking classes. I never realised how much I could enjoy kneeling in a flower bed in the sun. Nor did I realise how fun it could be to cook with strangers! I pushed my comfort zone and I found a whole lot of life inside of me that I didn't even think I had! You're starting to find that place of peace and I think that part of it comes from being so tired of all the drama and emotional highs and lows.

 

Those obsessive thoughts and 'what ifs' can be a real killer can't they?! But then about 8 months into the divorce I felt so bored and tired about only having those sort of thoughts running through my head! It was a waste of my life and once I really 'felt' that...things started to shift inside me. It's hard to explain but you will know when you reach the tipping point. It's when things start to really look up and you start to look forward to your bright future because that is EXACTLY what it will be: Bright and happy - Because YOU choose for it to be!

 

As for second chances... I tend to feel that they fall into the category: Be careful what you wish for.

 

I do believe that some second chances can work out but most that I have seen ended up dragging out the enivitable and hurting everyone far more in the long run. Not to mention the lost time. It's hard to rebuild trust and start from scratch which is what needs to be done in order for a relationship to have a healthy chance of success. Rotted posts make for bad foundations. Too many people want second chances without honestly asking why and looking for the reasons behind the wayward spouse returning. I refuse to be a back-up plan...because once a back-up plan always a back-up plan. That's no way to live a life. You'll always be fearful they will leave again once they find what they are looking for.

 

Ok..I'm being possibly a bit harsh but I was not jumping up and down for joy at getting a second chance offered to me. It brings up a lot of confusing feelings and all the hopes, dreams and shared plans that I had with him are suddenly brought back to life! That's a lot to turn down. But I have seen the truth of who he is from the lies he told me. I deserve more. So do you. Don't be happy to be someone's second choice...you deserve first place!

[jstobo]

It's been a month since I last reported so I thought I would write a little. My life is settling in. A lot of the depression and sadness has gone away. Even the anxiety I used to feel whenever I would see her has decreased. It's not all gone, but it has gotten a lot better. I went through kind of a lashing out or jabbing phase over the past couple of weeks, but that has gone away this week. What I mean is, I would respond to some her e-mails with a nasty comment, but I never called her names or anything like that. We are still negotiating different things, but our divorce is final in February.

 

I'm not dating anyone and I haven't done anything more than have coffee or a drink with someone this past month. I do feel I'm emotionally ready to give it a go though. Not sure why now is different, but I do feel more open about it for some reason. I still haven't been exposed to her dating anyone, so I'm still going to have to deal with that little jab when it happens. As long as it isn't the guy she had an emotional affair with, I think I'll handle it in stride. The kids are doing great. All in all, life isn't great, but it is getting better.

 

I'm sorry to see so many new stories since I last visited. D Day was almost a year ago and complete separation was six months ago. Today is way better, so I'm very optimistic about the future!

[ShatteredReality]

Glad to see you're on a upswing Jstobo! Hopefully things continue to improve for you...even though things didn't work out quite as we'd all hoped. As they say - sometimes these things are ultimately for the better - right? You'll likely find yourself in a better situation down the road - and much wiser to boot.

 

Keep us posted, though, it's great to know you're still hanging in there and progressing in a positive manner....there is a success story here still to be told

[jstobo]

About 3 weeks ago I found out my STBX is in a serious relationship with the man I caught her texting and e-mailing with back in October of 2010. I had a slight meltdown after hearing the news, but it was pretty short lived. She's been living a lie for over a year now. She hasn't told friends and definitely not our kids. The only explanation for that is guilt. She's been trying to hide this for so long because of the shame behind it. I don't even know if her family knew. They do now because I told them. . I also realized that I did everything right. I stayed loyal and faithful throughout our marriage. I can look my kids in the eye and say no woman caused the break up of our family. She can never do that. Trust me, the deceit and betrayal behind it all is gut wrenching. I'm having a hard time with the fact that a man who pursues a married woman won the heart of my STBX and will be an influence in my kids lives. But all of that is her burden to bare. My conscience is 100% clean.

 

With that said, I am very happy to let everyone know that I have met an amazing woman. We became friends about 3 months ago and we have built a solid platonic friendship. We recently decided to be more romantic. I have learned so much about her the past three months. She allows me to be exactly who I am and I adore who she is. We have amazing communication and chemistry. I feel so great about how I have handled the last year of my life. I have done it all correct. I've dated, but I have also spent a lot of time alone learning to be happy with myself. I can proudly say to my kids, family and friends that I never had an affair, I didn't have a relationship just to have a relationship and I spent time healing. I know who I am and what I want out my life. I still feel very betrayed. That feeling won't go away for quite some time. But the anger is being replaced with joy. After all, had my STBX not done what she did, I would still be stuck in a mediocre marriage.

 

For all you still in despair, hopefully my update with give you hope for the future. It won't make you feel better instantly today, because nothing made me feel better about 6 months ago. But just have hope for a day you will feel what I am feeling now. And think of this, "To Forgive doesn't mean you are saying, "I am ok with what you did to me." It's saying, "I am NOT going to let what you did ruin my FUTURE happiness."

[Surfer203]

jstobo: Great update, I am very happy for you. I know all you have been through and I am thrilled to see that you came out on the other end in an even better place. That is inspiring and encouraging. I am still struggle myself but am hoping to one day be in a place like you are. Best of luck to you in your current relationship and in life. Keep posting here and give some of your insights and positive advice. It helps every one and makes you feel good inside to help others.

[Miky]

GREAT NEWS

 

I am glad to hear you are doing well, I kind of hoped that it will end like that, your STBX is in for a very rude awakening, as I had seen it before, once the novelty of the affair and secrecy is not existent, they wake up, most of the times way to late, but it is not your problem any more, you sound like a good man and she will regret big time what she has lost.

 

Best of luck jstobo

[jstobo]

jstobo: Great update, I am very happy for you. I know all you have been through and I am thrilled to see that you came out on the other end in an even better place. That is inspiring and encouraging. I am still struggle myself but am hoping to one day be in a place like you are. Best of luck to you in your current relationship and in life. Keep posting here and give some of your insights and positive advice. It helps every one and makes you feel good inside to help others.

 

Surfer: thank you. I am coming out the other side. If she hadn't of made it happen, I may still be in abad marriage. I just read your most recent post and I am heartbroken for you. I can't believe nothing has moved forward or changed for you. I'm not sure what to say, because my STBX made it happen. I may have stayed and had all the turmoil you are currently experiencing. I am extremely grateful she forced the situation. I only now wish I had made the decision in October of 2010 instead of waiting for her to do it in March of 2011. But as I said in my post today, I have absolutely NO guilt what so ever. I am very proud of how I handled everything!

[jstobo]

GREAT NEWS

 

I am glad to hear you are doing well, I kind of hoped that it will end like that, your STBX is in for a very rude awakening, as I had seen it before, once the novelty of the affair and secrecy is not existent, they wake up, most of the times way to late, but it is not your problem any more, you sound like a good man and she will regret big time what she has lost.

 

Best of luck jstobo

 

Thanks Miky: I have to admit, I AM still holding out hope she will have her "aha" moment. Everyone tells me it will happen and I WANT it to happen. But I know I haven't fully moved on and let go while I want her to experience that. My true liberation will be when I don't even want that to happen to be happy. That day will happen and I'm sure I'll let you all know when it does.

[ShatteredReality]

So glad to hear you are doing so much better!! And your ex is going to go through a very long road to realizing how huge the mistake she's made is.

 

You weren't operating on all of the accurate facts a year ago, and finally you have them. You handled everything so well - you have come so far! So glad to see you're finally reaching a place where you can be truly happy and not just "settling" for the life you "thought" you chose...cause let's face it - without all the facts you would have let go so much sooner. But - what goes around comes around right? A man who is willing to pursue a married woman is also willing to cheat on her. A friend of mine had a saying "When you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you marry a man who cheats on his wife" It applies here too.

 

Glad you've found someone more suited for you - And from all the lessons you've learned, you'll likely be an even better man in this new relationship.

[penshelly]

Let her go! If you see that your relationship is no longer working, don't mind your feeling or your wife, you should think first your children feeling what's the impact of your non working relationship to them, don't be selfish!

[jstobo]

Shattered: Thank you. What a year it has been. But I now know things are only going to get better from here. I think I may be one of the few that has to deal with the fact her affair is going to end up being a long term relationship. It's the one thing I asked God not to do to me, but it's also going to make me stronger. She may end being happier with this man than she's ever been and I'm going to live to accept that. But I too, will be happier than I have ever been.

 

So glad to hear you are doing so much better!! And your ex is going to go through a very long road to realizing how huge the mistake she's made is.

 

You weren't operating on all of the accurate facts a year ago, and finally you have them. You handled everything so well - you have come so far! So glad to see you're finally reaching a place where you can be truly happy and not just "settling" for the life you "thought" you chose...cause let's face it - without all the facts you would have let go so much sooner. But - what goes around comes around right? A man who is willing to pursue a married woman is also willing to cheat on her. A friend of mine had a saying "When you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you marry a man who cheats on his wife" It applies here too.

 

Glad you've found someone more suited for you - And from all the lessons you've learned, you'll likely be an even better man in this new relationship.

[jstobo]

Let her go! If you see that your relationship is no longer working, don't mind your feeling or your wife, you should think first your children feeling what's the impact of your non working relationship to them, don't be selfish!

 

Penshelly: Huh?? Let who go? Maybe you haven't read my story. My Wife got involved with another man a year ago and we officially moved apart 8 months ago. I have 50% custody of my kids and I spend more quality time with them than ever before. I think about my children first and foremost. A new relationship for me doesn't impact them at this time.

[jstobo]

I've noticed the past couple of weeks that my STBX is starting to be cold and close to nasty. I'm not sure why she has had this behavioral change. She has been the nice one and has always been amicable. About 6 weeks ago, I finally let go and started being friendly and nice. She was nice back, but that changed about two weeks ago. We were at a soccer game yesterday. She sat her chair down about 5 feet from mine and never said a word but hi to me. A woman came over to collect money for the coaches gift and my STBX was so rude to her, saying she already paid it. I would have been so embarrassed if she had still been my wife. Not sure what is happening here, but I'm trying to keep my smile on my face. Any leaving spouses want to chime in on this. We have been apart for 8 months now.

[Miky]

jstobo, honestly no surprise there, she is angry and upset, you are no longer an option for her, she genuinely thought you will never stop pursue her and she can string you along for ever and using you as for her emotional support and plan B until the novelty of her affair will run its course and she can have you again (until the next affair...),

 

suddenly she is starting to realize that her plans are not working, you have found out about her affair (no more thrill there), and practically stopped being her emotional punch bag and support buy detaching and engaging her business like and in complete indifference.

 

If anything can profoundly affect a WS and blow out their little fantasy is the indifference and moving on on the part of the BS, I remember writing to you in the past about "letting her go" and not to engage her in anything other then Business and indifferent manner, what you see now is her frustration of botched plans, her relationship with her affair partner may not be working and you as a second plan are not there any more for her

 

she is angry at you for getting over her and moving on and she is angry at you for having a meaningful relationship with another woman, she is angry at you that you are happy, she is jealous of your new relationship, in her twisted affair foggy mind she is starting to feel this nagging feel of regret that slowly starting to eat at her and she is no happy about it, you kids probably are adding fuel to the burning fire by reporting to her directly what is going on with your new girlfriend and she is definitelly nor happy about it

 

 

Keep doing what you are doing, this is expected, stay happy and show her you are happy even if you are not, this is the most effective way of getting these WS out of the fog, unfortunately for her it may be way to late and you will be far gone

 

 

Stay strong you are in for lots of drama

[robf1971]

jstobo, honestly no surprise there, she is angry and upset, you are no longer an option for her, she genuinely thought you will never stop pursue her and she can string you along for ever and using you as for her emotional support and plan B until the novelty of her affair will run its course and she can have you again (until the next affair...),

 

suddenly she is starting to realize that her plans are not working, you have found out about her affair (no more thrill there), and practically stopped being her emotional punch bag and support buy detaching and engaging her business like and in complete indifference.

 

If anything can profoundly affect a WS and blow out their little fantasy is the indifference and moving on on the part of the BS, I remember writing to you in the past about "letting her go" and not to engage her in anything other then Business and indifferent manner, what you see now is her frustration of botched plans, her relationship with her affair partner may not be working and you as a second plan are not there any more for her

 

she is angry at you for getting over her and moving on and she is angry at you for having a meaningful relationship with another woman, she is angry at you that you are happy, she is jealous of your new relationship, in her twisted affair foggy mind she is starting to feel this nagging feel of regret that slowly starting to eat at her and she is no happy about it, you kids probably are adding fuel to the burning fire by reporting to her directly what is going on with your new girlfriend and she is definitelly nor happy about it

 

 

Keep doing what you are doing, this is expected, stay happy and show her you are happy even if you are not, this is the most effective way of getting these WS out of the fog, unfortunately for her it may be way to late and you will be far gone

 

 

Stay strong you are in for lots of drama

 

Yeah, she probably thought it was an act at first, you being nice but now it's lasted so long, she's realizing it's for real and your moving on, and that she's losong control over you.

[jstobo]

jstobo, honestly no surprise there, she is angry and upset, you are no longer an option for her, she genuinely thought you will never stop pursue her and she can string you along for ever and using you as for her emotional support and plan B until the novelty of her affair will run its course and she can have you again (until the next affair...),

 

suddenly she is starting to realize that her plans are not working, you have found out about her affair (no more thrill there), and practically stopped being her emotional punch bag and support buy detaching and engaging her business like and in complete indifference.

 

If anything can profoundly affect a WS and blow out their little fantasy is the indifference and moving on on the part of the BS, I remember writing to you in the past about "letting her go" and not to engage her in anything other then Business and indifferent manner, what you see now is her frustration of botched plans, her relationship with her affair partner may not be working and you as a second plan are not there any more for her

 

she is angry at you for getting over her and moving on and she is angry at you for having a meaningful relationship with another woman, she is angry at you that you are happy, she is jealous of your new relationship, in her twisted affair foggy mind she is starting to feel this nagging feel of regret that slowly starting to eat at her and she is no happy about it, you kids probably are adding fuel to the burning fire by reporting to her directly what is going on with your new girlfriend and she is definitelly nor happy about it

 

 

Keep doing what you are doing, this is expected, stay happy and show her you are happy even if you are not, this is the most effective way of getting these WS out of the fog, unfortunately for her it may be way to late and you will be far gone

 

 

Stay strong you are in for lots of drama

 

Hey Miky: good to hear from you. I can assure you and everyone else, I am NOT holding out hope that she is missing me or wants me back. I would be lying though if I said I don't want the opportunity to tell her "no." I do find it hard to believe that her world isn't going the way she wants and that's why she has changed towards me. I still believe she is off having fun in her new life with the OM.

 

I am curious to know what kind of drama I can expect. Is she going to start rubbing her relationship in my face or try and be difficult concerning the kids? I feel like my biggest battle going forward is that I'm not going to get any help with her regarding the kids. We have to transfer stuff quite often since we don't have one of everything at each house. I've been buying things, but everytime i drop the kids off at school, i lose another outfit or pair of shoes. I have a feeling she is going to start leaving me without stuff, forcing me to drive back to her house or buy new things. Not sure.

[Miky]

jstobo,

 

as hard it is to believe, I truly believe in what I said, there is no other reason for her to behave like that, I don't know your wife nor you or the OM, but in vast majority of cases and some that I personally witnessed this was the main reason for a change in behaviour towards the "moving on" BS

 

There is no doubt that she is probably had "fun" with the OM, and still does, but we all know day to day life is not all fun, and after the "fun" and excitement of the affair dissipate you find yourself with someone that your emotional bonding and REAL love is non existent or minimal at best, and suddenly to live day to day life with a person who you have very little in common with with no REAL emotional connection is not "fun" by far,

 

there are also kids involved and I am willing to bet that the OM does not want her with this "excessive baggage" (your kids) otherwise (why doesn't he accompany her to your kids games) and suddenly the affair is out in the open and her family and friends are not so supportive as she may thought

 

She will be hostile for the exact reasons I mentioned, expect everything from anything, all these little tricks like not getting he kids outfits back are exactly how she is exerting her "revenge" at you for moving on and trying to gain control.

 

and yes it is going to be hard as she will flaunt her relationship at you, and she will be difficult with the kids.

she wants to get a reaction from you, any reaction other then your indifference that will feed her emotional needs form you, so from you end you MUST stay indifferent otherwise that will take very long

 

if you keep doing what you are doing and stay indifferent, this cycle is going to end and then she may change her tactics, you will see endless attempts to engage you in all kind of day to day things, she will try to engage in casual banter on non meaningful things with you and you may have the odd phone calls for help with something wither with the house or

trivial things that she get help from different sources with ease

 

Stay your course,most likely it is going to be a bumpy ride for you, don't show any emotions towards her other then indifference, she may or may not be very hostile towards you and use the kids as well

 

I wonder how much the kids are telling her and how much your kids are involved with your girlfriend?

 

this may as well be a reason as she mentioned in the past that she is jealous of one of your female friends having all this fun with the kids?

[jstobo]

jstobo,

 

as hard it is to believe, I truly believe in what I said, there is no other reason for her to behave like that, I don't know your wife nor you or the OM, but in vast majority of cases and some that I personally witnessed this was the main reason for a change in behaviour towards the "moving on" BS

 

There is no doubt that she is probably had "fun" with the OM, and still does, but we all know day to day life is not all fun, and after the "fun" and excitement of the affair dissipate you find yourself with someone that your emotional bonding and REAL love is non existent or minimal at best, and suddenly to live day to day life with a person who you have very little in common with with no REAL emotional connection is not "fun" by far,

 

there are also kids involved and I am willing to bet that the OM does not want her with this "excessive baggage" (your kids) otherwise (why doesn't he accompany her to your kids games) and suddenly the affair is out in the open and her family and friends are not so supportive as she may thought

 

She will be hostile for the exact reasons I mentioned, expect everything from anything, all these little tricks like not getting he kids outfits back are exactly how she is exerting her "revenge" at you for moving on and trying to gain control.

 

and yes it is going to be hard as she will flaunt her relationship at you, and she will be difficult with the kids.

she wants to get a reaction from you, any reaction other then your indifference that will feed her emotional needs form you, so from you end you MUST stay indifferent otherwise that will take very long

 

if you keep doing what you are doing and stay indifferent, this cycle is going to end and then she may change her tactics, you will see endless attempts to engage you in all kind of day to day things, she will try to engage in casual banter on non meaningful things with you and you may have the odd phone calls for help with something wither with the house or

trivial things that she get help from different sources with ease

 

Stay your course,most likely it is going to be a bumpy ride for you, don't show any emotions towards her other then indifference, she may or may not be very hostile towards you and use the kids as well

 

I wonder how much the kids are telling her and how much your kids are involved with your girlfriend?

 

this may as well be a reason as she mentioned in the past that she is jealous of one of your female friends having all this fun with the kids?

 

The kids have not met her. They have only seen pictures and I have told them a little bit about her. I kind of asked them what they thought about Daddy dating to get a feel for how they would react. With that discussion, I told them about her. That's been it though. My STBX and her family are the types of people who care a lot about what other people think and what is proper. I'm guessing that she will not introduce the kids to him until our divorce is final. That's why he has not come to any games, is my guess. I'm sure her family has strongly suggested they do not go public so they can look their country club friends in the eye and say everything has been above board. I can't be sure. I don't feel the need to wait because I didn't leave the marriage. But I'm also not in a rush to introduce her to the kids. The kids have only had 8 months to adjust to Mom and Dad being apart. I'm not sure they are fully ready.

 

I'm not sure how I will handle this new attitude. Hopefully I can stay positive when I need to interact with her. I'm starting to win the battle and I want to keep it that way.

[Miky]

You have to stay strong and play indifference no matter what is presented to you

 

I am sure it will be difficult but if you will remain indifferent you will win this

[ShatteredReality]

A thought came to me...I mean I know we're all assuming at this point that she never stopped seeing or speaking with OM....but do we know that? Did she admit to that? Or is it remotely possible that she did stop for awhile and then after some time passed she looked him up again and struck up conversation? Because I sort of remember she was considering reconciliation and then within like a week she changed her mind...I was wondering if that's when she got back into contact with him and struck something up and made a snap decision there. I don't know if that'd make you feel better to believe that was how it happened...but personally I'd lose less respect for her if she did honestly stop associating with him for awhile...

 

Also - her attitude is pretty common among ex-land. I am hoping it blows over as you remain nice and unflappable.

 

My sisters ex sends their son home in clothes that don't fit him and keeps whatever she sends down there. She stopped sending clothes for awhile and made him buy them, but then he started to hand down his own clothes to the kid who is like half his size so she's begun to relent again and send about four days worth of clothes as that's all she can afford to not get back when he goes for his visits. At least that way he can do laundry and wear something that fits.

 

I think the "stuff" battle is also a constant among ex's....sorry to say...I hope she comes around though and makes it easier.

 

Also..could be the kids mentioned you saying something about dating and she's angry at you for that...if her family is all about what's proper...

[jstobo]

A thought came to me...I mean I know we're all assuming at this point that she never stopped seeing or speaking with OM....but do we know that? Did she admit to that? Or is it remotely possible that she did stop for awhile and then after some time passed she looked him up again and struck up conversation? Because I sort of remember she was considering reconciliation and then within like a week she changed her mind...I was wondering if that's when she got back into contact with him and struck something up and made a snap decision there. I don't know if that'd make you feel better to believe that was how it happened...but personally I'd lose less respect for her if she did honestly stop associating with him for awhile...

 

Also - her attitude is pretty common among ex-land. I am hoping it blows over as you remain nice and unflappable.

 

My sisters ex sends their son home in clothes that don't fit him and keeps whatever she sends down there. She stopped sending clothes for awhile and made him buy them, but then he started to hand down his own clothes to the kid who is like half his size so she's begun to relent again and send about four days worth of clothes as that's all she can afford to not get back when he goes for his visits. At least that way he can do laundry and wear something that fits.

 

I think the "stuff" battle is also a constant among ex's....sorry to say...I hope she comes around though and makes it easier.

 

Also..could be the kids mentioned you saying something about dating and she's angry at you for that...if her family is all about what's proper...

 

Hey Shattered: so nice to hear from you. I hope all is well. I don't know exactly how their relationship has played out. It's very possible that they have been off and on during this past year. I have had some people tell me they have seen her out on double dates and the guy did not fit the OM's description. Maybe they recently decided to make a commitment to each other. I can only go by what he wrote and what she said. Doesn't make me feel better, because I still do not want this to be the man in my kids lives. My daughter tells me things that she does with her mom, so my guess is she is telling her mom things I do or talk about. My kids have never once mentioned another man. It's possible she is angry about me being public because we are not divorced, but I doubt that. I think the only reason she isn't public with her OM is because it was an affair. I think if she met a man after our split and they became serious, it would be different. So I don't think she can be mad at me for being public with a woman.

 

I'm just going to keep being nice the way I have been because it has worked for me and allowed me to heal and move on. But I'm curious.