optimisticgirl Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I just feel like I'm being walked all over... I should have just done no contact and heeled myself and never went home. Now that i've come home, i feel like i can't get out. im trapped. I can feel his resentment towards me even when he is being nice. I'm sure he can feel mine. Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 Then leave, get out of the relationship. This isn't healthy for you and obviously isn't meant to be. Escape from him you will be way better off. Just simply tell him this isn't working for you. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
optimisticgirl Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 I don't know how to just leave. I feel crippled. Im afraid to be alone. He walks all over me. I don't have a place to live... I'm sitting at home (his home) , because we were out with friends and he literally told me to go home - because he was sick of seeing my face. I stayed for a minute...then just left. I look like such an idiot. I am such an idiot. I want to just go to my parents tonight but im too embarrassed to tell them why I am back. I just want this to be over. Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 You're parents are your parents. You don't know what that means yet and neither do I but I know that they love you unconditionally and will never judge you. Go back, this guy is a tool lol and you are way too good for him in every way. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
optimisticgirl Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 I left. It was dramatic. I was crying, screaming, ranting, raving. And then i left. Took a deep breath, cried for four hours in my car, and went home. I haven't spoken to him in two days. It feels good to have made the decision for myself and not have it be so up in the air. It scares me that it is really actually over. I mean I know its good for me...but Im just scared of being alone, and what my next step will be..My parents haven't said a word...they are just happy to see me home i think. They haven't even brought it up. I think they can see on my face how heavy this is weighing on me. This time, the no contact really is to heal. I just hope i can keep it up. And not answer any crumbs...or even any "i want to get back together" messages. I have a tiny hope that i will get the CHANCE to ignore them. He hasn't called me either. So. I doubt that I will get that chance to ignore him. It's selfish - I KNOW! I've literally hid all photos that were around my parents house. I really can't go back to him. He has gone to far with the things that he's said...I don't trust him anymore...what so ever. I can't. And I'm beginning to think that I never actually did. We had what we had but I just can't go back. He treated me horribly - he isn't a bad person, he used to be wonderful. But now that Ive stepped away he really did walk all over me. To the point where he said "YOU LET ME WALK ALL OVER YOU, ITS PATHETIC." It'll never be the same. I haven't been single for a long time! I'm afraid I'll never find that spark again with anyone. Very afraid. Im doing okay right now - but im just...i duno...scared of whats next! Link to post Share on other sites
heartshaped Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 I'm curious optimisticgirl, is this really what you want and are you committed to moving on with your life? Link to post Share on other sites
optimisticgirl Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 heartshaped - I think it is. mainly because I know that if both of us worked on the relationship...id be okay. but he isn't willing too. and he's made that clear. we are both confused. about 10 minutes ago...i almost called...and then thought to myself "would i rather be back there...arguing, or just waiting...for the next big blow up. wondering who he is text messaging. wondering if he is lying?" then i didn't call. believe me. I do want to work it out...and im sure that there is a possibility of it. but he's not ready. and i can't wait anymore. I've got to take care of myself. taking care of myself starts with not talking to him. i lost a lot of dignity over this. the originally fight was one thing...but i was pretty pathetic with the begging and pleading. so was he with the back and forth indecision. but...either way. it just isn't working. it hurts like hell, yes. but i have to get grounded before i completely spin out of control. i can't be the first one to call him again. he knows i love him....he can give the olive branch if he feels the need to test the waters again. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts