Author worldgonewrong Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 back-pedaled a tiny bit this weekend: sent her a text telling her she looked quite beautiful when I picked up the kids over the weekend. No reply, but I don't care. She's still my wife, and it's my prerogative to make the random compliment during this rather estranged time. Ah well. ~shrug~ Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 why do they always look 10x hotter when they're "estranged"?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 why do they always look 10x hotter when they're "estranged"?? I have a few theories on that: 1. because they're putting more effort into their appearance 2. because you're not getting laid during the estrangement 3. because they always were hot, but suddenly you don't take that hotness for granted 1 Link to post Share on other sites
starting2wakeup Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 why do they always look 10x hotter when they're "estranged"?? because you're not getting laid during the estrangement Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a Winner! Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a Winner! hahahaha! Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 why do they always look 10x hotter when they're "estranged"?? Because you really, really, really WANT what you no longer can't get. I think I'm the winner now. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 (edited) I was actually looking at number 3...but yeah...that would be for those that were cheating on the women I think. But I do agree with Yas too....oops. !! Edited March 21, 2011 by trippi1432 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 (edited) There's a double negative in my statement (probably some freudian slip). What I meant to say was: Because you really, really, WANT what you no longer can get. BTW Opps... agreeing with Yas? Whas' up with that? Edited March 22, 2011 by Yasuandio Need to ad BTW Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Because you really, really, WANT what you no longer can get. BTW Opps... agreeing with Yas? Whas' up with that? Agreeing from the female perspective of one that was left...my exH did this when he flip-flopped between me and the OW for a month or so. Why is it that the ones who leave suddenly find you appealing when they can't have you anymore. Not for the OP here as his situation is similar to mine. You didn't put that in a context that was meant to be mean did you Yas?? But I did have to laugh at S2W's contribution...good one....and probably true for both genders. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Trippi, I dont think i said anything about "mean." I just wondered why agreement with me needs "opps..." as a qualifer, that's all. That was just defeniveness on my part, please excuse me. I sincerely apologize, Carol, aka, "Yas":bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 back-pedaled a tiny bit this weekend: sent her a text telling her she looked quite beautiful when I picked up the kids over the weekend. No reply, but I don't care. She's still my wife, and it's my prerogative to make the random compliment during this rather estranged time. Ah well. ~shrug~ I actually tried to outline it again on the iPhone and lost it again. Tomorrow I'm gonna get an ipad and a new wireless thingy so I can just compose on a computer and the copy over. But I do agree with Celesitine Prophosies, I don't think these mishaps are by coincidence. I have written several dissertations on LS on my Iphone, no problem. It's due to my manic phobias and a broken wireless device that I'm not on a computer(computer in basement, I'm freaked about basement right now). Any WGW, in your current state, and with your last posts, my work was the last thing you needed. I think those pages were too soon for you, and you may have been devistated. But to answer your curiosity, the dissertation was about DEEP LOVE, how long it takes to develop (decade), the proposed amount of time to get passed it if at all, the perminent damages (by example, debtman and myself), and the numerical liklihood of reaching a relationship of that depth (in my case, 25 year marriage, 5 years together before that). There is something holding me back from recreating what I wrote. It is very strange. Anyway, I wanna respond to another of your posts that touched me. Y You are suffering as I. But you are smart to face it early rather than let it drag out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 Thanks for the update, Yas. The goal, for all of us, is to just get through this day, and tomorrow will take care of itself if we can do that. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 WGW, how are things going? Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 29, 2011 Author Share Posted March 29, 2011 WGW, how are things going? Thanks for asking, W-N! Things are going alright. I've lately been riding the downward slope on the metaphorical roller-coaster, so I've been sort of quiet lately. The usual thoughts: mulling over how a person could chuck YEARS of togetherness out the window, etc.; the wondering, the hope, the despair. You know the drill. All of it internal, none of it directed at HER -- as conveying this to her would be useless. (Good Lord, how I wrestled with the notion of texting her and saying something innocuous like "I really miss you" or "Have a good day", but I resisted. And will continue to resist.) But...I can feel the old roller-coaster coasting steadily upward again. I do feel good about myself, how I look & how I project myself. When I think of the people in Japan who had their homes literally washed away, then I realize my Life is still very much fixable in different areas, regardless of my own woes about 'us'. Whew, long answer, but there ya go. How are YOU? Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 29, 2011 Author Share Posted March 29, 2011 P.S. I meant to add: I would like to slap her silly for using "Dear ___" in email communications with me. It's distancing mind-games like that which wear me the f*ck down. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 (edited) P.S. I meant to add: I would like to slap her silly for using "Dear ___" in email communications with me. It's distancing mind-games like that which wear me the f*ck down. That galls me. You know I would do? I would write in a formal style as well. With each communication, I would either (A) substract one nicity you commonly have in you writing style (like a smiley face or whatever), or (B) add something new, one bit at a time. Eventually, the style, tone, layout, theme/content, will take on a business/impersonal look, or perhaps a legalize look. Here's an example of what a final product might look like: ********** Date: 03.29.11 To: Ms. Marylyn X. Worldgonewrong From: Mr. Jefferson X. Worldgonewrong Via: E-Mail Re: Suzy's Volleyball Practice Dear Marlyn, Good afternoon. It has come to my attention that pick-up arrangments for Suzy's upcoming volleyball practice after school have yet to be arranged. Therefore, I am requesting that you review the following suggestion, and provide a response to me via e-mail at your earliest convenience. Mondays:Marylyn Tuesdays: Jefferson Wednesdays:Marylyn Thursdays: Jefferson Fridays: Swap Off Each Week, Marylyn Begins Of couse this is only a suggested schedule. As always, I remain anxious to review any alternate scheduling you may devise. With Best Regards, [sig] Jefferson X. Worldgonewrong, M.A. Big Licensed Stock Broker Expert WGW Financial Freedom Brokerage, Inc., LCC ********** Get the picture? Add one item at a time. One just start doing consistingly the new greeting: Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening. As you add them in, keep a template of your emerging new format. It doesn't have to end up effing cold hearted as my style of writing, just start doing something different, within the "formal communications" department, and just have fun thinking about the terrorizing idea I came up with. Have a nice day. Edited March 29, 2011 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 I like, Yas, but it's too much effort. I'm worn down. What gets me about this whole thing: how come the Dumper is able to get away scot-free, without being held accountable for anything? The dumpee can never address this injustice because then you're perceived as a maniac. So there's never any closure, there's never any moment where the Dumper has an epiphany about their own behavior in this. The dumpee is f*cked six ways from Sunday in this whole thing. And if there are children involved, the dumpee has to keep eating sh*t in order to make sure the kids are kept sane and happy. Meanwhile, you just keep dying inside every goddamned day. And you have to accept it, because the Dumper has rolled the dice and said this is the way it is. And while you have to shut up and take it, the Dumper has the luxury of rubbing salt in the wounds at every chance. Nice f*ckin' life. Link to post Share on other sites
russell1968 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I like, Yas, but it's too much effort. I'm worn down. What gets me about this whole thing: how come the Dumper is able to get away scot-free, without being held accountable for anything? The dumpee can never address this injustice because then you're perceived as a maniac. So there's never any closure, there's never any moment where the Dumper has an epiphany about their own behavior in this. The dumpee is f*cked six ways from Sunday in this whole thing. And if there are children involved, the dumpee has to keep eating sh*t in order to make sure the kids are kept sane and happy. Meanwhile, you just keep dying inside every goddamned day. And you have to accept it, because the Dumper has rolled the dice and said this is the way it is. And while you have to shut up and take it, the Dumper has the luxury of rubbing salt in the wounds at every chance. Nice f*ckin' life. Yes i agree it's a **** place to be Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 Here's a solid post by Fufu, from the 'Second Chances' forum, that I think bears looking at over here. (I hope she's cool with this.) It's the last day of March 2011, as much as you feel that it seems like forever to you, everyday passes, every seconds pass as you are typing you Loveshack forum, the time passes. You have to heal yourself first, which is why going No Contact is so essential for your own well being recovery. As long as he doesn't make any sincere action to you that he wants to be with you again, work things out with you, be there for you no matter what, you don't make any initiations of contacts to him. The only person you need to initiate contact is yourself. When I was forsaken by my ex, I looked in the mirror and told myself, I don't need to wake up with red and swollen eyes I don't need to look like I have died a million times. I don't need to put myself down, you left me, it's your own choice. I make my own choice to make myself smile and be happy. __________________ Leave it to fate, time will tell. Sit back, relax and enjoy our lives. Thank you, Fufu, for this uplifting reminder. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 WGW, that is what I wrote about. How can there be closure when a piece of you has been torn away? I prosose in your married life of decade plus, you became one, especially by making children together. The reason it is "gut-wrenching" pain, may be the yearning you have to be connected again to the missing piece that makes you whole, that makes you complete. Something is amis on the other side of the equasion, for her not to have a similiar yearning, as she should be bonded to you even tighter since she bore your children. Something is wrong with this picture, WGW. There will be no closuse for you, because of the kids, you will always have some contact with her. What are your instincts telling you? If a spouse put me out of the house for months, I'd file. Doesn't mean you have to go through with it. Doesn't mean you have to roll over and be an effing pussy either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 Yas- financially I stand to gain zilch. I pay the rent on the house that she & the kids live in, as well as sundry bills. I *am* the bread-winner compared to her comparatively-meager part-time income. As it stands, I am temporarily living with my parents. Indefinitely because there's no way I could afford 2 rents and the accompanying bills and child support. If I filed, out of spite she would match me. I know her. And then I'd be up sh*t's creek with having to pay lawyer fees. My instincts are telling me that my wife is f*cked in the head and she's mean-spirited and she's nursing her own hurt to her breast. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 The financial velvet f___ is a given. You got a family to support. Do you think it will ever be your family again? Do you think she is buffing someone else? It may be time for you to covertly gather some data, in the event you find yourself in a divorce. Something isn't Kosher. A man with a gun at the door, serving papers may be just what she needs. (I'm quoting Debtman!) And if it turns out she doesn't really want the divorce, then that may be theraputic for your manhood. Cheer up. See what Debtman and the other guys/gals say. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I pay the rent on the house that she & the kids live in, as well as sundry bills... As it stands, I am temporarily living with my parents. Indefinitely because there's no way I could afford 2 rents and the accompanying bills and child support... My instincts are telling me that my wife is f*cked in the head and she's mean-spirited and she's nursing her own hurt to her breast. So familiar man...the limbo you are living in just sucks. I know because I was just there. I suppose I'm somewhat lucky because at least my W has OM, so I know for sure where she stands. Also, she felt very ostracized in our neighborhood because my neighbors were all very offended by how fast OM started going over all the time and I've always had a great friendship with all of them...consequently, she moved out into a small rental house with no neighbors, so I finally got back into my house. Affording mortgage, debt payments and child support is a real strain, but I'm going to get through it. And yes, my W is/was mean spirited and she would flip-flop back and forth between being nice (guilt driven) and being incredibly mean (to justify her actions). how come the Dumper is able to get away scot-free, without being held accountable for anything? That is completely temporary. Just because the dumper isn't dealing with anything now doesn't mean they won't down the road. We can walk away knowing that we did everything we could to make things work. We offered everything but were turned down. I don't feel guilt when I drop off my kids and my daughter starts crying and reaching for me. I'm hurt that she has to go through that trauma and am angry at my W for causing her that pain, but I know I did everything I could to avoid that. I'm learning from the failed relationship. I'm examining what went wrong. I'm preparing for the rest of my life. Meanwhile, my W is in the fog with OM, stuck in the honeymoon phase, neither of them learning anything about themselves or relationships and, inevitably, they will repeat the same cycle. Then, she'll either start to deal with her actions or, more likely, she'll just find someone else to fill that relationship slot and will continue the cycle. Losing a piece of yourself is incredibly painful, but, I'm starting to see the positives and, eventually, they will outweigh the negatives and life will only continue to get better. I had an incredible day with my son yesterday (we did a father/son only day) and spent a good hour playing together. Which, if I was still with my W, would have NEVER happened because I always had a million things I had to get done in order to keep up with her expectations. I wouldn't trade that hour we had for anything and I plan to do lots more of those... Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 Yas- something isn't kosher, indeed. But I am 99% certain there is no OM. She suffered from depression when we first met, and I believe that this is a resurgence of that depression again. She should be on medication. And I firmly believe this is a female version of a mid-life crisis occurring. Debtman- I feel for you, my man, but as always, you are a leader in terms of pointing out the silver linings. If wife & I are doing one thing right amidst this, it's that we're not playing against each other with the kids. (I know YOU're not doing that either, but your wife seems a bit off if her daughter is crying.) So the tradeoff with the kids is pretty seamless. It's amazing that it took separation to get us into a 'better' place in how we respectfully dealt with each other in relation to our children. OK, off that subject: I've had the OVERWHELMING and uncharacteristic urge to text her and suggest coffee tomorrow. Like a first real meet-up since the separation. But I worry it will blow up in my face through flat rejection. I've been a good guy generally with the NC/LC/180 stuff, btw. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 p.s. when you're feeling really sh*tty about your situation, play this about 10 times in a row: :D:D It Just doesn't matter! hahahaha! Link to post Share on other sites
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