Author worldgonewrong Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 I've been half-tempted to sell it, or throw it into the woods or the harbor. But I won't. It's on my keychain. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 I tend to agree with S2WU. Not so long ago, you stated your position in the written word (broke 180, oh well). With this in mind, as the dumpee, always look back at these facts: 1. Every morning you wake up alone without you wife. 2. You no longer enjoy the family home with your children. 3. You have mentioned basic human needs that you are yearning for. .................and then ask yourself, has there been any forward movement (like Michelle says, evaluate progress). History, in your case show nothing but good faith and honorable intentions, period. Keep it that. For now, I say leave the ball in her court. If you request MC, I have a feeling it may end up being used as a tool to kick you in the gut. (I have been noticing a pattern like that when the dumpee requests the MC). It is and has been I am sure quite devesting to be put out of your home. There's some reckoning to be done, and I don't think it's all on you WGW! PS look up Homer McDonald's site. One of the sites has 7 or 8 free articles which pretty much spell him out. I think his MO might be useful to you now. Yasu Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 Thanks, Yasu. Yeah, I've been doing - I mean REALLY doing 180/NC, renewed now since March 2. I've noticed, on the brief times I've seen her to pick up the kids, that she makes more of an effort to look me in the eye. Whereas before, it was all avoidance. So I feel like I'm inching along, which is a-ok with me. And you're right, Yasu -- I'll leave the ball in her court. I don't need ANY setbacks now that will reveal my hand. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 (edited) I would keep it on at least the opposite hand until the day I truely give up. Is that day here? Is that what you want to project? This is where the rubber meets the road WGW. These strategies are just that. And are temporary. You already got the soup stirring really good, is there any reason to boil it till it burns the bottom of the pan? Remember...these things take time. Don't do anything wreckless to get some immediate gratification, or your progress will be f'd, and you'll be kicking yourself. Regarding the the wearing of the wedding ring: Ask yourself, what would a "Great Man" do, a man with class, dignity, patience, sensivity, strength, and endurance? Wouldn't the Great Man with the wonderful family hold out hope, even symbolic hope, for as long as possible? What does it imply when you are not wearing your wedding ring? That's the question. Edited March 9, 2011 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 Excellent thought-provoking q's, Yasu. But here's one for you: does wearing the ring run counter to the 180 attitude? Does it reek of desperation? I dig what you're saying, believe me. Maybe I'm just over-analyzing! haha! Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 You already got the soup stirring really good, is there any reason to boil it till it burns the bottom of the pan? I sincerely don't understand what you're getting at here. Elaborate, please! Link to post Share on other sites
russell1968 Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Hey Jack, You have all my support! Stay strong, i'm just focusing on my daughters and myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 thank you, Russell. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 No you are not over-analyzing. At the point you speak: "180 to be or not to be," this is where the rubber hits the road. It is at this point where "strategies are just strategies" and "your marriage is your marriage." Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 No you are not over-analyzing. At the point you speak: "180 to be or not to be," this is where the rubber hits the road. It is at this point where "strategies are just strategies" and "your marriage is your marriage." Right on. OK, I see what you mean. thanks as ever, Y. You rule. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 (edited) I sincerely don't understand what you're getting at here. Elaborate, please! Sorry, a convaluted analogy. You had the soup going nicely, it was heavenly seasoned and thickened to perfection -- just needed a little more stirring over a low heat. (This is an analogy of you carefully applying individual, custom-crafted 180's to keep your wife "mental soup" spinning). Scalding the soup on the cooktop is an analogy for striking a match to the entire 180 strategy, and burning up your efforts with a meat cleaver approach. It made sense to me at the time! Edited March 9, 2011 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 On desparation. WGW, No where in the 180's does it say you need to remove your wedding ring. The 180's do tell you to avoid behaviors that look desparate: pleading, begging, etc. I think it would be classy for you to keep the ring on the proper finger. What do you have to lose right now? You're not out look'in, right? Don't give anyone anything to dis you for. WGW is an angel. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Regarding the ring, I think it boils down to how you perceive your relationship status. Are you convinced that your marriage is over and you are on the road to divorce with no turning back? Then remove it. If not, don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 OK, ring is back on now. Feels weird after x-number of days not being on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 Not really an update but more of a perspective notice: when you find yourself getting all balled-up over your estranged spouse, and how sh*tty it feels, then STOP and think about the people in Japan who have had to deal with that tsunami today. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/12/world/asia/12japan.html Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Excellent perspective wgw. So many things we have to be grateful for. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in our own emotions and forget about how lucky we are every day. Here's some video from Japan: http://video.foxnews.com/v/4579888/incredible-video-massive-wall-of-water-sweeps-ashore-in-japan/ You can actually see the cars on the roads racing away from the water. Some get away, others don't. Even though we may have been cheated on, had our lives changed, be missing out on some time with our kids, at least we're all alive, able to enjoy moments of wonder and we need to remember that life is short and we'd damn well better make the most out of every minute... Thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
starting2wakeup Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 So, so true WGW. I just watched this video of the Tsunami as it barrels through a town. Look carefully and you will see that there is fire on the water. Imagine you see a torrent of water, rushing towards you and the water is ON FIRE! Yes, our situations are difficult but we are safe, our families are safe. Things could be worse, much worse. My thoughts and prayers go out to those in Japan and anyone who has a loved one there. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Those vidoes are chilling. It does help put our problems in perspective doesn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 Perspective on a smaller scale, about once-a-week, I bus past a home in which resides a child who is a quadriplegic. His yellow bus picks him up around the time I go past. He is literally a prisoner of his own body. So, all the ego problems that I face, as a man, are minuscule -- sexual jealousies & insecurities and all that sorta junk. Link to post Share on other sites
starting2wakeup Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 WGW, about the ring, I wore mine for the first few months, then I lost it. I'm not ashamed to admit that I cried when I first realized it was gone. It was as if I had lost the last piece of our marriage. The next day I decided to take me losing my ring as a sign. She, my W, doesn't want to be married, and while I will respect my vow until a divorce is in place, the ring, it's just jewelry, so I let it go. Two days later I found it, bouncing around in my washing machine. I put it back on, just to feel it again, and immediately took it off. I have not worn it in months and I don't plan on putting it back on. Truthfully, the ring is now more of a reminder of pain than of a commitment to love and honor. I guess what I'm trying to say is whether or not you wear your ring depends on how you view it. If it dredges up bad memories or if it gives a sense of false hope, in any way, you may be better off letting it sit in a drawer somewhere as apposed to on your finger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 starting2wakeup - you make great points here. For now, I'll wear it. Maybe eventually, I won't anymore. It's more of a statement about ME at this point than it is about hope or her or our marriage; I know that might sound convoluted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 Side note, relationship-wise: Last night, I found myself looking at photographs of her - just for about 3 minutes or so. As I looked at the photos, I felt sadness because I realized that I did not know this person. I felt like it was a stranger looking back at me. This is what estrangement and distance does. It was almost haunting to view photos of her and feel like this is someone I hadn't even met yet, as opposed to someone whom I've known for most of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
russell1968 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Side note, relationship-wise: Last night, I found myself looking at photographs of her - just for about 3 minutes or so. As I looked at the photos, I felt sadness because I realized that I did not know this person. I felt like it was a stranger looking back at me. This is what estrangement and distance does. It was almost haunting to view photos of her and feel like this is someone I hadn't even met yet, as opposed to someone whom I've known for most of my life. I did the same thing a few days ago, i was looking at pictures of her holding my youngest daughter, she looked healthy and happy. When i saw her this morning looking all pale and skinny, it breaks my heart to see someone who you love destroy themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 I'm sorry, Russell. :-( Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Guys, this is the "unknown" risk with which both women are toying. They both are taking a huge gamble with wonderful sensitive men such as yourselves. WGW, I sense you are already growing away in a very short time. Russell, this post demonstrates that you have totally opened your eyes. As always, photographs speak 1000 words, don't they? Link to post Share on other sites
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