Author worldgonewrong Posted March 12, 2013 Author Share Posted March 12, 2013 Understood - 19 more ... thanks I hope you have 19 more miserable posts in you....said the man with close to 1500! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 (edited) Everyone knows except the person being betrayed. Edited March 12, 2013 by Yasuandio 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Techie Artist Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Is it possible that women also go through "mid-life" crises too???. I can assure you we do. We are humans with a timeline toward mortality. If we're wise, we look at the time we've spent and the time we have left based on a longevity probability and a prayer. Sometimes we feel like we've lived life for everyone else and so we have to be free. We do silly things and exercise more freedom. Some have affairs, some bungee jump, some change careers...whatever the individual craves. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 13, 2013 Author Share Posted March 13, 2013 I can assure you we do. We are humans with a timeline toward mortality. If we're wise, we look at the time we've spent and the time we have left based on a longevity probability and a prayer. Sometimes we feel like we've lived life for everyone else and so we have to be free. We do silly things and exercise more freedom. Some have affairs, some bungee jump, some change careers...whatever the individual craves. True. And sometimes we realize that a balance between freedom & co-existence can be attained, if we just don't freak out about "me/I/ego death!". Ya know? But you nailed it. Half this sh*t occurs because people are afraid of their own mortality. Silly. Off-topic - somebody wrote a post on a different thread, and now I'm having difficulty find it again. This person said that he awoke crying; he's in the first stages of all this. To that person: dude, it's normal. I used to wake up like that. I'd open my eyes and be racked with sobs. Keep praying, keep focused, and know that this WILL pass. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Just had an isolated memory: I recall when I went through this whole process how, at the beginning, certain friends (dear friends, even) who were married treated the disintegration of my marriage like some kind of cancer that they might catch. In hindsight, it was really intriguing to watch; at the time, I felt like I was a leper. Nobody was mean or distant, mind you; but there was always that surface feeling they were emitting like "I hope we don't catch what they caught". don't know if that has happened to anyone else. Just an odd little memory. Yes, I felt almost "accused." Similar to when my parents would abuse me, the first question asked was, "well, what were you doing?" And of course the ever so classic, "it wouldn't happen for no reason, they're your patents, they love you." People in functional families will never understand the impact of a dysfunctional one. People in the "happy marriage" bubble that haven't had a divorce happen to them or been there while their parents divorce, just don't get it. I had a friend who had the gall to say to me, "I'm sorry this is happening but I can't relate because I know I have a great marriage and M and I are going to be together forever.":rolleyes: Well, after she started sleeping with his brother and then left him for another man, M came over trying to get with me. LOL. gross. Truth be told, she was on easy street with him. He worked, she played on Facebook and neglected her kids day in day out. But she still couldn't pull herself or the marriage out of the crapper. But wanted next to nothing to do with me during my separation (until she and her bf (new bf) moved in here for 4 months). Meanwhile I think the only reason my marriage has survived to this point is that we both believe that it requires work on both ends with our history and personalities. (as well as both having ADD). And that frankly, if left neglected, our marriage could very easily wither away and die. Easier than one may think. Many people wouldn't treat their work or mortgage with the sane haphazard attitude of "oh well, s/he'll understand." but they treat their marriage like that way past the breaking point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Meant to add: ex-wife doesn't explicitly know about my relationship, as far as I know, but has some sort of implicit sense. I'm getting that vibe from her. At the wind-down of 2 years of hell, I mysteriously gave up, consented to the divorce, and stopped all emotional appeals and such...'cause I lost interest and grew and moved the heck ON. And I think it shocks her. Particularly now that we're divorced, she thinks I'm pretty brewing up some last written salvo. But truth is? The woman bores me to tears. Her self-perpetuated drama. My guess is she's a little stir-crazy from the lack of attention/reaction on my end. I officially don't care! ha ha ha! I'm free, FREE! The same people that like to serve up "I love you but I'm not in love with you" tend to also serve up "I'm not crazy about you but I'm not crazy about you getting with someone else either." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Listen dude, she knows. Every woman knows. Plus, she also knows you don't give a rat's behind about her. That really steams her panties big time. Well, at least something on her is wrinkle-free! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 13, 2013 Author Share Posted March 13, 2013 Well, at least something on her is wrinkle-free! hahahahaha! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 beenburned: thank you! thank you! And that's good to hear about your D! Terrific! TailSpin75: I think you have to up your post count to something like 100 for your private-message function to kick in. (Somebody enlighten me if I'm wrong!) I think it's 50 posts and one month. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 As I continue to assail this thread on this glorious morning to avoid my math homework, It should be noted that menopausal women are somewhat known for abruptly ending relationships. I actually thought my mother would chuck my father around that time (fingers were crossed) Was your wife menopausal? Link to post Share on other sites
TailSpin75 Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Shoot... this is post 100 (hoo-ray?)... not sure when I hit a month... Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Shoot... this is post 100 (hoo-ray?)... not sure when I hit a month... Not sure whether it's "30 days" or one month. Your start date was Feb 21st. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 13, 2013 Author Share Posted March 13, 2013 As I continue to assail this thread on this glorious morning to avoid my math homework, It should be noted that menopausal women are somewhat known for abruptly ending relationships. I actually thought my mother would chuck my father around that time (fingers were crossed) Was your wife menopausal? Hmmm. Might have been, but not to my knowledge. But that's a good question. Men-o-pausal. There's something funny about that. I'm taking a pause from men...well, you. This man. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Hmmm. Might have been, but not to my knowledge. But that's a good question. Men-o-pausal. There's something funny about that. I'm taking a pause from men...well, you. This man. Yeah, I know. I've been worried since my own marital issues that one day when I'm 45 I might wake up, not get my period, have a hot flash, just look over at him and be like, "okay Buddy, time to move, get me some ice on the way out!" My poor Mom. She didn't chuck him during menopause. It's more like he's been PMS-ing/menopausing for years. He cheated on her three years ago. After that she found out and he finally got some of his crap together and started going for counseling. But then he hit the bottle harder. Then social services investigated him and he got ordered out of his house until he completed alcohol treatment. It wasn't until then that things started to improve. He's much better now. She slapped him (not on the face) when she found out he was cheating.(she's NEVER been abusive or physical with him in any way I've ever seen or heard of in 36 years of marriage). She broke her finger and it has a permanent curve in it now. Marriage can really suck some times. I'm glad you found a gf who is kind to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 Just for gits & shiggles, here's the 360 (the diametric opposite of the 180): Beg and implore like a heartsick puppy.Call frequently.Keep pointing to your wedding photo.Follow her/him around the house.Encourage or initiate discussion about the future.Ask for help from the family members of your WS.Ask for reassurances.Go broke buying your WS gifts.Schedule dates together.Keep saying, "I Love You!" even if your WS wouldn't pee on you if you were on fire.Don't move on with your life.Be morbid, depressed, sulky.Sit around waiting on your spouse - stay in, do nothing, blow off your friends, let old hobbies fall by the wayside!When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) keep talking and filibuster into the wee hours of the morning!If you're in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ask.Your partner needs to believe that you are incapable of being awakened to the fact that "they (the WS)" are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack thee of) of your marriage. Thus, you are stuck, hopeless without them!Be nasty, angry or even cold.No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse your big pouty face.Pepper your spouse with questions about the marriage!Lose your cool, often!Be ridiculously chirpy.Argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, argue incessentally!Don't listen to a word your spouse says!Think of witty, cutting rejoinders.Drink, smoke, make insomnia your new friend.Fall apart in despair frequently.Know that if you can do this 360, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write; your wayward spouse will see you for the unstable loon you really are.Be openly desperate or needy.Focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. Flex your muscles and ask her if she likes your "guns".Believe everything your wayward spouse says.Surrender all hope.Do not backslide from your hard earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message that you're mentally stunted.When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Do the thumbs-up/down thing that Julius Caesar used to do before feeding Christians to the lions. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Just for gits & shiggles, here's the 360 (the diametric opposite of the 180): Beg and implore like a heartsick puppy.Call frequently.Keep pointing to your wedding photo.Follow her/him around the house.Encourage or initiate discussion about the future.Ask for help from the family members of your WS.Ask for reassurances.Go broke buying your WS gifts.Schedule dates together.Keep saying, "I Love You!" even if your WS wouldn't pee on you if you were on fire.Don't move on with your life.Be morbid, depressed, sulky.Sit around waiting on your spouse - stay in, do nothing, blow off your friends, let old hobbies fall by the wayside!When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) keep talking and filibuster into the wee hours of the morning!If you're in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ask.Your partner needs to believe that you are incapable of being awakened to the fact that "they (the WS)" are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack thee of) of your marriage. Thus, you are stuck, hopeless without them!Be nasty, angry or even cold.No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse your big pouty face.Pepper your spouse with questions about the marriage!Lose your cool, often!Be ridiculously chirpy.Argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, argue incessentally!Don't listen to a word your spouse says!Think of witty, cutting rejoinders.Drink, smoke, make insomnia your new friend.Fall apart in despair frequently.Know that if you can do this 360, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write; your wayward spouse will see you for the unstable loon you really are.Be openly desperate or needy.Focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. Flex your muscles and ask her if she likes your "guns".Believe everything your wayward spouse says.Surrender all hope.Do not backslide from your hard earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message that you're mentally stunted.When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Do the thumbs-up/down thing that Julius Caesar used to do before feeding Christians to the lions. lmao ty WGW you`ve made my day !! aM 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 Oof... I've historically done the 360... In other news, I just finished my final math unit test for the semester, which was worth 31% of my mark in the course (real yucky, just a poorly made test and the things they combined were just .... weird.) The last thing I want to think about are angles. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 I once won a late night radio show because I just finished up a section of Math on the polylogarithm theory...I still don't care what that is and it was totally useless knowledge..other than to win something I can't even recall now. But at the time, it was awesome. LOL!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
redhat Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 Has she hot custody of the children and if so how often do you see them. Also why could you not be the primary care-giver. I say this because divorce seems so lopsided in support of women that I can scarcely understand why any man would want to marry a woman. I wonder if your wife was in your position would you have behaved the same towards her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 She has primary physical custody, but we have shared legal custody. I see the kids frequently each week and talk with them every single day. Re your last question: Simply put - She wouldn't be in my position because I wouldn't have cheated on her and thrown her overboard. Period. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
redhat Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 I find that heart-breaking. Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 World Your post has given me so much hope and inspiration, thank you Had a great girls night out and just danced my lil feet off, not looking for a relationship just want to let my hair down 'single' .... Finding me again. Was feeling flat today, probably way too much alcohol 'booze comedown lol' and reading how well you are doing has lifted my mood once again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 15, 2013 Author Share Posted April 15, 2013 World Your post has given me so much hope and inspiration, thank you Had a great girls night out and just danced my lil feet off, not looking for a relationship just want to let my hair down 'single' .... Finding me again. Was feeling flat today, probably way too much alcohol 'booze comedown lol' and reading how well you are doing has lifted my mood once again. Suzie- I'm so glad!! This is precisely why I continue to stick around here, as do others, in the aftermath/re-birth from all this wreckage. I have a sense of mission about this stuff, particularly since I could not see the trees for the forest (or vice versa) when I was going through my own Hell. Life will never be perfect but it CAN be a damn sight better. That's the message I keep trying to put across, and I'm glad you're picking that up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldgonewrong Posted April 15, 2013 Author Share Posted April 15, 2013 I find that heart-breaking. It is sad, but everyone makes their peace. Everyone gets into a certain comfortable rhythm, regardless of the past. Does it suck that I don't wake up every day to my kids? Damn straight. But are they suffering? No. And that's what I hold onto. Life goes by quickly. In a handful of years, no doubt, me & the kids will sit down and talk about this stuff in a more mature way. In a weird way, I look forward to it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 It is sad, but everyone makes their peace. Everyone gets into a certain comfortable rhythm, regardless of the past. Does it suck that I don't wake up every day to my kids? Damn straight. But are they suffering? No. And that's what I hold onto. Life goes by quickly. In a handful of years, no doubt, me & the kids will sit down and talk about this stuff in a more mature way. In a weird way, I look forward to it. you will always be their dad nothing will or can EVER take that away from you ever aM btw ... the 360 still cracks me up every time i read it:lmao: 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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