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dreamingoftigers

Why does she want to go to Spain with you?

 

I thought the Mother Ship was going to pick her up and take her home sometime this week....

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  • 2 weeks later...
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last night as i was getting the girls ready to get in the bath, i get a text from my STBXW it read what are you up to? Normally i would ignore this but i realize now it just makes things worse!I replied that they have been out fruit picking with the girls! she then asked if i needed the girls swim-suits i said no as i was taking them to my mums.

 

!5 mins lateri was playing with the girls in bath and i heard what i thought was the police breaking down the door,i ran downstairs it was my STBXW she was asking me why i was ignoring her, i told her i wasn't as i was bathing the girls! she went upstairs and said hello to the girls, then she told me my hair looked darker and it didn;t suit me, then she leftt, it was weird!

 

i got the girls into bed, then i got lot's of texts asking me why i didn't ask her to stay for a drink? Then another asking me if i was seeing someone else? Others saying it's obvious that i'm over her!

 

I'm just trying to get on with my life and i don't understand what she is doing?

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willowthewisp

Russell, I am going to be frank and not sugar coat this. Your stbx is not grown up. Unfortunately, you married a women who does not know how to have an adult relationship. She was unhappy in your marriage and within herself (drug use) and instaed of dealing with it like a grown women with responsibilities (Children) should do, she has done what she has always done, run away from it, turn to a man for validation and play head games with you.

 

Many men choose women like you did, I see it every day, just recently a guy I liked has gotten together with a such a women and he could have had me. Men don't wnat women who are compassionate, honest, loyal and striaght to the point with them, we, to them, are boring. We don't jump in the sack, we don't play games of chase me etc. Men want a challenge, they want the thrill of the chase and unfortunately the women who like to play these games, who enjoy the attention, messing with you to get more attention and so on are also the women, who years down the line become bored and unfilled in their marriages because suddenly they aren't being chased anymore. They are self centred little princesses, but men perpatutae this kind of women by passing over those of us, who are decent and not self centred. (My own personal issues are spilling over into this I will admit, but I think the advice is still releveant).

 

Forget her, ignore her and tell her to F*** off next time she starts banging down your door. She WILL of course have a tantrum over it, because that is what children do when they cannot have their own way!

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Russell, I am going to be frank and not sugar coat this. Your stbx is not grown up. Unfortunately, you married a women who does not know how to have an adult relationship. She was unhappy in your marriage and within herself (drug use) and instaed of dealing with it like a grown women with responsibilities (Children) should do, she has done what she has always done, run away from it, turn to a man for validation and play head games with you.

 

Many men choose women like you did, I see it every day, just recently a guy I liked has gotten together with a such a women and he could have had me. Men don't wnat women who are compassionate, honest, loyal and striaght to the point with them, we, to them, are boring. We don't jump in the sack, we don't play games of chase me etc. Men want a challenge, they want the thrill of the chase and unfortunately the women who like to play these games, who enjoy the attention, messing with you to get more attention and so on are also the women, who years down the line become bored and unfilled in their marriages because suddenly they aren't being chased anymore. They are self centred little princesses, but men perpatutae this kind of women by passing over those of us, who are decent and not self centred. (My own personal issues are spilling over into this I will admit, but I think the advice is still releveant).

 

Forget her, ignore her and tell her to F*** off next time she starts banging down your door. She WILL of course have a tantrum over it, because that is what children do when they cannot have their own way!

 

I think that’s a bit of a generalisation willow, there are some of us out here that can see through that crap and would love to meet a woman like you. The problem is finding them! I dont find being straight to the point, honesty and being loyal boring, just a good base to start doing the fun things. Who else agrees?

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Many men choose women like you did, I see it every day, just recently a guy I liked has gotten together with a such a women and he could have had me. Men don't wnat women who are compassionate, honest, loyal and striaght to the point with them, we, to them, are boring. We don't jump in the sack, we don't play games of chase me etc. Men want a challenge, they want the thrill of the chase and unfortunately the women who like to play these games, who enjoy the attention, messing with you to get more attention and so on are also the women, who years down the line become bored and unfilled in their marriages because suddenly they aren't being chased anymore. They are self centred little princesses, but men perpatutae this kind of women by passing over those of us, who are decent and not self centred. (My own personal issues are spilling over into this I will admit, but I think the advice is still releveant).
C'mon willow, I'd love a woman like that right about now.

 

The way I see it, these guys that are too busy playing games with drama-princesses aren't worth your time or effort.

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Willow, carson & saul,

 

I have to totally agree with all that is said. At the time of meeting our stbxw's none of the immature traits were seen as weaknesses, they were fun.

 

Looking forward to meeting these honest, loyal, mature minded and potentially boring girls u speak of. Predictability is better than unpredictability for me. Like u said, dont mean u cant have fun, just a stable foundation is laid out first before u do.

 

I personally dont want any challenge or game to play or chase, just to meet someone who i find attractive, who is attracted to me, honest to herself and to me. Take it from there.

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last night as i was getting the girls ready to get in the bath, i get a text from my STBXW it read what are you up to? Normally i would ignore this but i realize now it just makes things worse!I replied that they have been out fruit picking with the girls! she then asked if i needed the girls swim-suits i said no as i was taking them to my mums.

 

!5 mins lateri was playing with the girls in bath and i heard what i thought was the police breaking down the door,i ran downstairs it was my STBXW she was asking me why i was ignoring her, i told her i wasn't as i was bathing the girls! she went upstairs and said hello to the girls, then she told me my hair looked darker and it didn;t suit me, then she leftt, it was weird!

 

i got the girls into bed, then i got lot's of texts asking me why i didn't ask her to stay for a drink? Then another asking me if i was seeing someone else? Others saying it's obvious that i'm over her!

 

I'm just trying to get on with my life and i don't understand what she is doing?

 

I was surprised she has been so quiet recently, she's back in form now.

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I was surprised she has been so quiet recently, she's back in form now.

 

Russell, that's what addicts do...their addictions cause them to swing wildly to the left and right of any normal thought process. The only thing consistent about my exH was that anything could set him off at any moment. He was addicted to gambling, alcohol and pot.

 

Like your ex....mine also went bonkers...living with his OW and wanting me back as well. It was very back and forth for many months. Addicts can't function until they find their safety net...that being the chaotic life that they blame you for...when really it is their responsibility for their addictions. Once their addictive lifestyle is accepted by the OW/OM, they will settle into it and, most likely create a world of perfection that they claim they didn't have before. I will say that I read Downtown's posts on BPD and see where addicts fall into that category very much. My exH did...and it nearly drove me out of my mind.

 

When you stop playing her game, she will have no choice but settle into her decision. As I told my exH when he said the grass wasn't greener...it was his choice to graze there. Drive home a boundary to this woman that you are moving on with your life....let her live with her own guilt...it's not your responsibility anymore.

 

I side with Willow on the fact that our choices lead us down these roads...but they are also hard lessons in life in making better informed decisions in the future. My uncle has an exW much like yours Russell...the woman was a complete nut job and drug addict. She nearly put him in the mental ward with her craziness....he broke free from HIS addiction to an addict and has been married to the most wonderful, compassionate and caring woman for 22 years now. It does happen...there are healthy people out there looking for a healthy relationship. It does take time to get better and free yourself from the past to get there....but it's when you stop playing their game and allowing their drama to negatively impact your life...you can start moving forward.

 

Just my opinion of course....

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Russell, that's what addicts do...their addictions cause them to swing wildly to the left and right of any normal thought process. The only thing consistent about my exH was that anything could set him off at any moment. He was addicted to gambling, alcohol and pot.

 

Like your ex....mine also went bonkers...living with his OW and wanting me back as well. It was very back and forth for many months. Addicts can't function until they find their safety net...that being the chaotic life that they blame you for...when really it is their responsibility for their addictions. Once their addictive lifestyle is accepted by the OW/OM, they will settle into it and, most likely create a world of perfection that they claim they didn't have before. I will say that I read Downtown's posts on BPD and see where addicts fall into that category very much. My exH did...and it nearly drove me out of my mind.

 

When you stop playing her game, she will have no choice but settle into her decision. As I told my exH when he said the grass wasn't greener...it was his choice to graze there. Drive home a boundary to this woman that you are moving on with your life....let her live with her own guilt...it's not your responsibility anymore.

 

I side with Willow on the fact that our choices lead us down these roads...but they are also hard lessons in life in making better informed decisions in the future. My uncle has an exW much like yours Russell...the woman was a complete nut job and drug addict. She nearly put him in the mental ward with her craziness....he broke free from HIS addiction to an addict and has been married to the most wonderful, compassionate and caring woman for 22 years now. It does happen...there are healthy people out there looking for a healthy relationship. It does take time to get better and free yourself from the past to get there....but it's when you stop playing their game and allowing their drama to negatively impact your life...you can start moving forward.

 

Just my opinion of course....

 

Trippi , thanks fot your words..

 

If i had a choice at the moment i would never speak to her again, however i have to because of my daughters.

 

In all honesty i just want to be left alone, but she seems to pester me. Soon the divorce will be final and i will be then able to move away if i wanted to, this would stop all the random turning up.

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i will be then able to move away if i wanted to, this would stop all the random turning up.

 

Actually running away won't help. You not letting her in to YOUR house next time she comes knocking will help.

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  • 3 weeks later...
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UPDATE

 

The district judge just turned down my divorce petition!

 

The only way fwd is to get her to admit to adultery, which she won't as she is adamant that she only started to see the other man after she seperated from me.

 

I have another 15 months before i can try again.

 

What a kick in the nut's

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russell: That's a load of crap! No way to prove this, cellphone records, texts, emails etc.? No incriminating photos or anything like that? Sorry man. I'm sure you just want to be done with this thing so you can move on!

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That's crazy man. I don't know of any state that makes you wait that long. Here in NY, you used to have to wait a year after filing the separation agreement before you could get a D unless someone admitted adultery, cruel or unusual treatment, abandonment for a year (no physical contact) or physical separation for a year. But, since they changed the no fault law, you don't have to wait at all...or show grounds...

 

Did your lawyer tell you that there's nothing you can do?? Seems bizarre to have to wait that long...

 

Good luck and keep posting...

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That's crazy man. I don't know of any state that makes you wait that long. Here in NY, you used to have to wait a year after filing the separation agreement before you could get a D unless someone admitted adultery, cruel or unusual treatment, abandonment for a year (no physical contact) or physical separation for a year. But, since they changed the no fault law, you don't have to wait at all...or show grounds...

 

Did your lawyer tell you that there's nothing you can do?? Seems bizarre to have to wait that long...

 

Good luck and keep posting...

 

I live in the UK. our laws are diffrent here. She has to admit to adultery! (She won"t!)

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It sounds like you are doing the right thing, stay positive. It sounds to me like your relationship can be repaired and you both have a lot of reasons to work on it. Good luck.

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I live in the UK. our laws are diffrent here. She has to admit to adultery! (She won"t!)

 

Just tell your wife you want a divorce as quickly as possible, wish her the best. Tell her you don't care anymore whether she commited adultery or not but it's best for us both to move on if you admit adultery and make the divorce quick.

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Rob, i was going to try this last night when she came over! However she was way pissed off as she is having i crap time with her new man.

 

Trouble is this has cost me 3k and it's got me nowhere, i might as well have given my money to a down and out.

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How about unreasonable behavior? Seems like that fits...

 

Good luck and keep posting...

 

That's the reason that has just been rejected

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That's the reason that has just been rejected

 

Just sit her down, make her a cuppa, be nice. Tell her your glad she's found someone else, tell her you wanna be friends. Then say to help us move on we need to make this divorce as quick as possible, do you agree? When she says yes then tell her that it has to be based on adultery.

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Update

 

Told my wife that the disrict judge had rejected our divorce, she said she wanted to hug me and she thinks it's a sign.

 

i told her i wasn't prepaired to throw any more at it, she just said i told you i didn;t want a divorce, then she just left.

 

What a pile of bollocks

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UnsureinSeattle

So, in the UK, the drug use doesn't factor into anything? or does that have to be "proven" as well?

 

There has to be some way to contest this.

 

Russ, I don't recall- have you spoken to a solicitor?

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So, in the UK, the drug use doesn't factor into anything? or does that have to be "proven" as well?

 

There has to be some way to contest this.

 

Russ, I don't recall- have you spoken to a solicitor?

 

Yes, my solicitor has been dealing with this however i would have to prove the drug taking, i just don't have the funds available to re=petition.

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