The truth came out! I can't resist breaking NC!

[fiat500]

ugh. She's vile. be the better person and leave it alone quietly and humbly. it's the best way to go. good riddance to her and her pathetic new boyfriend.

[dk.bnz.chi]

good, at least you didn't send her a bday wish.

she's still upset ,even if the reason she removed you and friends was the one you initially were going for.

i'm stubborn myself. maybe now you should get her fired so she can spend more time with her "soul mate",haha

[Chi townD]

Well, you don't have to worry about it now. The mutual friend is probably gonna say something to her and probably tell her that he/she asked you about it. So, the cat is probably out of the bag.

[fiat500]

That's why mutual friends are disastrous. Can't confide in them at all. Have to watch what you say at all times.

[suddendumpee]

Well, you don't have to worry about it now. The mutual friend is probably gonna say something to her and probably tell her that he/she asked you about it. So, the cat is probably out of the bag.

 

Thankfully not the case. Remember, me and my ex are in different states. The mutual friend is a friend of one of MY friends who has only met my ex one time. They only became FB friends, because this girl is the type to friend everybody she meets. She has never spoken with my ex since their first encounter and never will. The cat is STILL in the bag.

[suddendumpee]

By the way, it's obvious that she forgot to remove this girl because she forgot who she was. Her profile pic is of her dog, and like I said, they only met once and this was 5 months ago.

 

The one thing that didn't make sense was that she did keep 2 of my other out-of-state friends on her list. This was a couple we really bonded with, so I'm sure she wanted to keep them on for that reason. I called my friend last night to fill him in. I thought for maybe she left them there to leave the door to the truth open...I found out she kept them as friends, BUT she has her relationship status and most recent pictures hidden from them.

 

So her forgetting to remove this girl was definitely an accident AND a blessing in disguise (by the way, I barely know this girl either. Last night was the first time Ive spoken with her since our original encounter also.) When she saw the update she called to see what was going on, and to vent to me about my friend she was trying to date.

 

So with the extent my ex has been going through to keep this under wraps, I'm sure she's EXTREMELY concerned that the new guy has changed his profile pic to one of her and him in an embrace... haha. She's probably sweating bullets knowing that all if takes if for me to see this pic in a "mutual friends" list and her lies are exposed!

 

Can't wait to see if she forces him to change it by the end of the day. He obviously has no idea she is trying to hide their relationship from me. And I'm sure she's aggravated that he's "staking his claim" like this. No doubt he will smother her into oblivion eventually...

[SlawKing]

Dude move on already. I don't mean to be mean, but you're really dwelling on her way too much. I get that it can be entertaining to see your ex's life fall apart without you, but you shouldn't be worrying about that anymore. All it's gonna do is hurt you in the long run.

[suddendumpee]

In all honesty, all of this had made me feel better about things. If I would have done what everybody always says "remove her from FB etc..." I would have never known the truth. The truth has allowed me to remove the rose-tinted glasses through which I viewed her and the relationship. I now know for a fact that it is her that didn't deserve ME, and that I did nothing wrong. I now know this THIS was the real reason, and that has ended all of the self-blaming, and it has answered the majority of the questions that were unanswered. This has been very therapeutic.

 

You can't let things go until you have one you need to let go. The pain has been decreasing for me as I am learning more of her true-character.

[SlawKing]

That's fair, but once you know how much better you are then her you should just move on and focus your energies on either enjoying your life or finding someone who does deserve to be with you.

[Chi townD]

Well, if you have to talk to her in the future on a professional level, I would keep it all business. No pleasantries...cold and calulated and driven..

[bl22]

Hey dude

 

Let me tell you now that she probably is SURE that you know and is probably anxiously awaiting something from you...

 

Listen to my advice and DONT SAY ANYTHING. Lets think about it here, if you say something, in these circumstances it shows your bothered, probably hurt. If you say absolutely nothing, it makes you look really strong. She knows you will find out eventually now...it isnt like it was before hiding pictures.

 

Well done on getting through this, I know how it feels I was left 3 months ago for the 'friend' where she swore down was only friendship and actually usedto give me the 'You saying you dont trust me?!'

 

Stil hurts but its nice to know im not alone in this and that others are here to help.

[Movingthrough]

Hey dude

 

Let me tell you now that she probably is SURE that you know and is probably anxiously awaiting something from you...

 

Listen to my advice and DONT SAY ANYTHING. Lets think about it here, if you say something, in these circumstances it shows your bothered, probably hurt. If you say absolutely nothing, it makes you look really strong. She knows you will find out eventually now...it isnt like it was before hiding pictures.

 

Well done on getting through this, I know how it feels I was left 3 months ago for the 'friend' where she swore down was only friendship and actually usedto give me the 'You saying you dont trust me?!'

 

Stil hurts but its nice to know im not alone in this and that others are here to help.

 

Thats actually a really good point. I was all for sending the email but at this point I'm almost thinking no. In a perfect world (if you can swing it) she would know you know but you wouldnt have to say anything, which may be the case right now. But the above poster is right, if you email (which I will admit i probably would have) it shows you care and that you were bothered. If you dont its like well have a good life, I'm over it.

[suddendumpee]

Ehh. She called me today from work and I couldn't answer. She left me a VM informing me that an appointment that she set for next week had cancelled. This was the first I've heard her actual voice since the breakup. It made me realize how hard this work thing may be. Then again, I do have an open opportunity to show indifference to her when I have to contact her for something. Who knows. Still feel s4itty.

 

And as an update. I have not sent a thing, and it's so hard. I'm constantly revising my planned message with the latest being:

 

"I know you tried to contain things, but let's just get this out in the open. Yes, I saw the pics on Sunday. It is what it is. Let's move forward."

 

Will prob just send noting though....

[GreenPolicy]

Ehh. She called me today from work and I couldn't answer. She left me a VM informing me that an appointment that she set for next week had cancelled. This was the first I've heard her actual voice since the breakup. It made me realize how hard this work thing may be. Then again, I do have an open opportunity to show indifference to her when I have to contact her for something. Who knows. Still feel s4itty.

 

And as an update. I have not sent a thing, and it's so hard. I'm constantly revising my planned message with the latest being:

 

"I know you tried to contain things, but let's just get this out in the open. Yes, I saw the pics on Sunday. It is what it is. Let's move forward."

 

Will prob just send noting though....

 

Sending nothing communicates indifference. If you want to hurt her and "get her back," that's the best possible message to give.

[dk.bnz.chi]

better yet,send some flowers to her boyfriend:)

[Chi townD]

Do you have to talk to her often at your job?

[suddendumpee]

She works at our corporate office, so it's not essential. We used to talk daily, but after the breakup (until today) our correspondences have been via e-mail.

[Movingthrough]

Its funny because if most of your commo has been by email, and she called today, that screams guilty to me. I think she knows you know and wants to find out. At this point (I know its hard) I would say nothing, it is going to hurt her more then you saying something at this point.

[Chi townD]

Until today? Uh oh, what was said........

[suddendumpee]

What I meant was our work corredspondences used to be a mix of phone and email. After the breakup it was all email untl the voicemail she left today. Just a work call. Nothing personal.

[dk.bnz.chi]

she still likes you deep down but she's too stubborn to admit it,that's it.i'm sticking to my opinion

[suddendumpee]

So in defiance of some and compliance of others, I sent the message today. My justification for this is that I have not made any of the mistakes that I could have made. No begging, pleading, promises of changing etc. Strict NC for 6 weeks. I realize that a lot of people preaching NC do so for the greatest effect on the OTHER party. Maybe hoping to show strength to hopefully win the ex back in the future. Well I have no desire to get back with a person who can so easily lie and cheat. I also feel strength is in speaking your mind when you feel it, regardless of other people's views. I did this for myself. I was constantly thinking "should I do it? should I do it?", so today I finally clicked the send button:

 

"Fo r the sake of moving forward strictly as coworkers, might as well get ev.erything out in the open. I saw XXXXXX's album as it came across FB last Sunday. I was surprised, but it also answered a lot of questions, so it really was a blessing in disguise. I considered you a friend first and foremost, an d we shared some great memories. I would have hoped that our time together would have earned your honesty and respect."

 

I felt much better after sending this as it was closure in a sense that I could stop thinking about it. And if you're wondering, YES I got a response within 15 minutes, and NO it did not make things any better. Apology and all. Apologies for lying/cheating coming only AFTER getting busted are very empty and they mean nothing. The actually probably serve the cheater better, since they feel they were able to release some of the guilt.

 

The important thing is that I broke NC and I do not feel like I'm back to square 1. If anything, today is the first day I've felt able to move forward.

[Movingthrough]

So in defiance of some and compliance of others, I sent the message today. My justification for this is that I have not made any of the mistakes that I could have made. No begging, pleading, promises of changing etc. Strict NC for 6 weeks. I realize that a lot of people preaching NC do so for the greatest effect on the OTHER party. Maybe hoping to show strength to hopefully win the ex back in the future. Well I have no desire to get back with a person who can so easily lie and cheat. I also feel strength is in speaking your mind when you feel it, regardless of other people's views. I did this for myself. I was constantly thinking "should I do it? should I do it?", so today I finally clicked the send button:

 

"Fo r the sake of moving forward strictly as coworkers, might as well get ev.erything out in the open. I saw XXXXXX's album as it came across FB last Sunday. I was surprised, but it also answered a lot of questions, so it really was a blessing in disguise. I considered you a friend first and foremost, an d we shared some great memories. I would have hoped that our time together would have earned your honesty and respect."

 

I felt much better after sending this as it was closure in a sense that I could stop thinking about it. And if you're wondering, YES I got a response within 15 minutes, and NO it did not make things any better. Apology and all. Apologies for lying/cheating coming only AFTER getting busted are very empty and they mean nothing. The actually probably serve the cheater better, since they feel they were able to release some of the guilt.

 

The important thing is that I broke NC and I do not feel like I'm back to square 1. If anything, today is the first day I've felt able to move forward.

 

Im gonna be honest with you man, I think you made a good move. The fact that you got a response with an apology is a win to me. Now if you go NC she is fully aware of what she did and has to live with it. Im not trying to be immature but if someone openly does something wrong, then they should have to look at it face to face.

 

My situation was more of a "Well I think it was this" so I couldnt justify making it a big deal, but you knew the real deal and I think you made the right move. Glad you feel better man and congrats on moving forward.

[mmiller5373]

So what exactly did her response say? I'm curious.

[suddendumpee]

Her response:

 

 

"XXXX,

 

I couldnt agree with y ou more. I am sincerely sorry for handling the situation poorly and for not giving you the respect you deserve.

 

For the last two months I have been extremely confused. I have some amazing memories with you, and in the end this is were my h.eart has led me. I really apologize that you saw those pictures. I certainly had no intentions of making matters worse by those. Considering our work situation this has been very hard for me to deal with and i thought it would be best to keep it short and to the point. I hope you understand the difficult position i was in so that we can move forward.

 

I hope you have a Merry Christmas!"

 

 

I would LOVE to say: "So when you're confused, you lie and cheat instead of communicate? And you hope that I understand this? Keep dreaming, but I hope your apology made you feel better at least."

 

but alas....I won't send this....I don't think