homebrew Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 (edited) Bravo Sudden! Although you may not see / feel it yet. You are going to feel even more MANLY and be even more proud and confident in who and what you are! I promise, you haven't heard the last from her! She will be an a55 for awhile, so excuse / dismiss her further actions for the foreseeable future. But there will come a day (a year or so from now) that she will contact you and deeply apologize and ask for your forgiveness. She will need / require your approval and validation that she is not a horrible or bad person. Her self-esteem (or should we say, lack thereof) will FORCE her too! I have seen this play out countless times with my friends. Some of them heard from their EX of 10+ years ago. It's CRAZY! Edited December 14, 2010 by homebrew Link to post Share on other sites
mmiller5373 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 This is the same exact thing that happened to me. She broke up with me and told me, "maybe things could work out in a year, when we both get our act together." She blamed me for everything that went wrong in the relationship as well; she still blames me. I chased after her for the first two months, which was the worst thing for me to do, I know (I was already in a bad place before she left me). I asked her several times if there was another guy and she told me no. Well, I recently came across some pictures of her that were taken just 3 weeks after she left me. Pictures of her kissing some guy romantically. For her to do that means it's pretty serious, and I found out he's been around since months before our breakup. Her family doesn't even know about this guy yet and she lives with her family. Worst part is that we had a breakup during March and April, and I got "intimate" with another girl. When we ended up getting back together in May, she made me feel bad about doing stuff with a girl while we were broken up. WTF? She had to have been cheating on me to get to the point of taking romantic pictures just three weeks after ending it, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 okay...how is the OP going to lose dignity and respect by calling her out on her BS? I don't believe that OP wants to start a finger pointing contest. I believe that he wants to expose the truth and the real reason of why she broke up with him. He not looking to get back with her. But she didn't have any respect for him or the relationship or else she wouldn't have lied to him. I think you can still hold on to diginity by informing her that he knows what she did to him and it was wrong and he didn't need to be treated that way. Then have the closure he's looking for and walk away with some SELF respect. Knowing that he stood up for himself against someone that's been lying to him. Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 okay...how is the OP going to lose dignity and respect by calling her out on her BS? I don't believe that OP wants to start a finger pointing contest. I believe that he wants to expose the truth and the real reason of why she broke up with him. He not looking to get back with her. But she didn't have any respect for him or the relationship or else she wouldn't have lied to him. I think you can still hold on to diginity by informing her that he knows what she did to him and it was wrong and he didn't need to be treated that way. Then have the closure he's looking for and walk away with some SELF respect. Knowing that he stood up for himself against someone that's been lying to him. What you wrote is the very definition of "starting a finger pointing contest". If you have dignity and self-respect, you do not need to go and get validation / approval from your EX that she was a bad person and "hosed" you over. The fact that you have "the facts" is all that is needed. Does it really matter if she knows that you know? True is, at the present moment, she does not care. No, we make our own minds up and base our decisions on what we know and believe. Which is, I do not want to be someone who would act and behave in that manner. I also do not want to be with someone that does not want to be with me. What the EX or other people think and feel is irrelevant in this particular case / manner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author suddendumpee Posted December 14, 2010 Author Share Posted December 14, 2010 The fact that you have "the facts" is all that is needed. Does it really matter if she knows that you know? True is, at the present moment, she does not care. I'm in agreement with everything else, but if the above statement were correct, why go through all of the trouble, and scrambling to make sure I can't see the pictures? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 I'm in agreement with everything else, but if the above statement were correct, why go through all of the trouble, and scrambling to make sure I can't see the pictures? Because she knows she treated you badly. You know it, and she knows it. Confronting her on it? What does that change? Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 I'm in agreement with everything else, but if the above statement were correct, why go through all of the trouble, and scrambling to make sure I can't see the pictures? If she truly cared what impact it would have on you... She wouldn't have done it to begin with. The fact that she is trying to hide now, does not take away the fact that she did it, does not make it go away or disappear. She is just trying not to rub it in your face and would prefer to not have to "deal" with it from you. Be honest, if the shoe was on the other foot... would you? Link to post Share on other sites
Rap17 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 I'm in agreement with everything else, but if the above statement were correct, why go through all of the trouble, and scrambling to make sure I can't see the pictures? My theory is, that while she doesnt care what you think, she cares what everyone else thinks of her. See, this way she doesnt get the label that shes a "bad" person in the eyes of everyone else. If its just you giving her that label, then youll just look like the desperate ex, which will further justify her breaking up with you to her surroundings. Youll end up looking like the badguy if you confront her, and ofcourse she will probably deny everything. I know, its not fair, and its what Im living at the moment too. You feel like youre in a lose/lose situation, but truthfully, if you keep your dignity and self respect you walk away the winner. Doesnt matter if she doesnt recognize it. You will know and be better for it. I can totally relate that it doesnt seem that way now, but remember one very important thing. Its you broken heart thats telling you to get back at her. Let the rational thought take over and ignore the heart for a moment. Think with your mind and not with your heart, and it will all become crystal clear. Remember this my friend. After what she has done to you shes BENEATH you. Dont step down to her level. Vent to your friends about her, get it out of the system and punch a wall if you feel like it. But DONT give her the satisfaction of seeing you in that mode. Silence is golden. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 I don't know. I feel differently on it. It's as if your saying to the PO to let by gone's be by gone's. He's the one that has to talk to her on a professional level and so to interact with her as if nothing happened would be lying to ones self. But keep telling him to roll over and take it if you want to. Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 The point is... She isn't taking anything from him. He does not give her permission or the power to do anything to him. He came to his own conclusion and on his own accord. By even talking about what she did or didn't do with her, he would be validating to her and to himself that what she does has an affect and bearing on his life. He has taken that ability and power away from her and does not seek to give it back. Remember what Homebrew told you... The opposite of love is not hate... It's indifference! John Wayne would not have the desire or the need to discuss anything with his EX. She doesn't matter at this point... Link to post Share on other sites
Author suddendumpee Posted December 14, 2010 Author Share Posted December 14, 2010 So today is the birthday, and so far I have resisted the temptation to send any acknowledgment. I have been thinking though. If a direct message "gives her the power" so to speak...what about an indirect status update to just get the wheels turning? Something that MIGHT relate to something else, but also MIGHT mean I saw the pics (with no direct proof). Something like: "John 8:32" or "Thanks facebook. You have been very...educational" or "In your career and life in general, you will always encounter people with low moral character. Maintaining honesty, dignity and respect may be difficult, but it is necessary...and you get the added bonus of being able to sleep at night." A (seemingly) arbitrary comment may be enough to get the wheels turning without a direct and obvious confrontation. Opinions? Link to post Share on other sites
dk.bnz.chi Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 sudden<it just seems to me that your reasons are other than you're stating. honestly i really believe that you want her secretly back. why go through all this if you don't want her back and you have your own closure already? you know the truth and she knows it,you don't need to tell her and she doesn't need to tell you. stop being a stubborn child. no matter what he will tell her ,whatever logic or reasoning or whatever else he uses(don't forget that women cannot be convinced of anything with logic,they go by feelings) to expose her,he will STILL be the crazy ex. do you want to be in that position? trust me,that's where you'll end up. and that's where your pride will plummet and with it dignity, self esteem and confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
dk.bnz.chi Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 "John 8:32" or "Thanks facebook. You have been very...educational" or "In your career and life in general, you will always encounter people with low moral character. Maintaining honesty, dignity and respect may be difficult, but it is necessary...and you get the added bonus of being able to sleep at night." if you send this than you'll really get her pity,she'll feel sorry for you and will laugh behind you back,you WILL BE THE CRAZY PATHETIC EX Link to post Share on other sites
Author suddendumpee Posted December 14, 2010 Author Share Posted December 14, 2010 I do not want her back, but I do want her to think about what has been done. And I would not send her those messages. I was referring to putting them up as my status. They could mean anything and could relate to so many other things than our month old relationship. If she assigns them to her behavior, then that's on her conscience. No? Link to post Share on other sites
dk.bnz.chi Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 you were together for only a month? Link to post Share on other sites
Author suddendumpee Posted December 14, 2010 Author Share Posted December 14, 2010 Haha. No. That would REALLY make me the psycho ex wouldn't it? We were friends for one year prior to dating. We were officially dating/intimate for 8 months. We have been APART for 1 month. Link to post Share on other sites
dk.bnz.chi Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 oh oh,i was concerned for a sec there my friend. lol,that would really make you a crazy ex,no doubt:) Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 Whatever! Lets turn a blind eye to bad behavior! Let's everyone cheat and not talk about it! She took something from him, she took a piece of his dignity. Some of you say, "Don't say anything and she'll respect you more for it." or "You need to be the bigger man about this." She lost respect for him as soon as she started to step out on him. The point is the man was betrayed. Yes, I agree for him to move on with his life, but I also believe that he can man up and expose the girl for all the lies that she did to him. And who cares if she thinks he's pyscho, angry or whatever! He's not trying to win her back, he's validating the REAL reason the realtionship ended and not the BS she's been spitting. I really don't see what the big deal is. He's not trying to win her back, just calling her out on the snake in the grass that she is. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 So, I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. Link to post Share on other sites
jessrelation Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 i agree...send her a quick message so that she knows that you know. Maybe in the future it will actually help her to be truthful when ending a relationship. Why let anyone think that is okay to not be... Link to post Share on other sites
Author suddendumpee Posted December 14, 2010 Author Share Posted December 14, 2010 Haha! Can you believe it?!? She actually de-friended ME from FB today! Even though she never de-friended her previous ex WHO CHEATED because she said it was a sign of weakness (like she couldn't bare to see what he was doing in his life). This is a rather puzzling/unexpected turn of events. Either: 1) She's offended that I did not wish her a Happy Birthday and she's trying to get a reaction. or 2) She knows eventually the new man will (or already has) posted something that will blow her cover. (which will only make sense if she ends up removing all of my friends as well, and so far this has not happened) or 3) She is a member of this forum and has been following this post. haha. Link to post Share on other sites
TheGrimSweeper Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 Trying to get a reaction from you, don't give it to her. Link to post Share on other sites
dk.bnz.chi Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 she's pissed that you didn't send her a bday wish<haha classic little girls stuff Link to post Share on other sites
TheGrimSweeper Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 she's pissed that you didn't send her a bday wish<haha classic little girls stuff exactly. shes a small child and has some growing up to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author suddendumpee Posted December 14, 2010 Author Share Posted December 14, 2010 OK, she has removed my friends now also, so that really points to options 2 or 3...haha. I really don't think this is for a reaction at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
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